Cherie – Chapter 36 – Four to Eight – Part One

So baby’s coming down on Sunday to see me. We both have crazy busy schedules. But we make it work and I like it. I like the distance between the pillars that support the temple of our relationship. I’ve never had that. It’s always been the traditional American bullshit progression that goes nowhere and ends in failure. This actually works really well for me. I love intense bursts of energy with my friends but then I like to be alone for a while. It’s inevitable right now based on where we both are in our lives and it’s working beautifully. I love it.

She says she’ll be down around 4:30pm on Sunday.

Cool.

I get done at the salon at 4. She says she has to be on an 8:30 train back to Pottstown. I’m thinking, perfect. Come down early Sunday, I’ll feed her and give her some dinner, and then tomorrow we’ll get up early, I’ll take her to breakfast and she’ll be on a train back home or to school, and I’ll be writing this blog getting the 1/2 off cheesteak by noon on Monday at my local haunt.

I finish up at the salon, and we meet up on the street after she gets off the train. I take her to Mix Pizza, because I know she loves that place from our early encounters.

We get there and instead of sitting in the back bar, we sit in the main dining room. We order a 12 inch pie that is just enough for the both of us. We’ll murder that tiny pie. She likes extra cheese, and I’m okay with that because she wants that but I know that dairy will fuck with my stomach. But I don’t care. I love her. If that’s what baby wants, that’s fine.

Our waitress is banged up. I don’t mean drunk, I mean it looks like she was in a car accident or is a victim of domestic violence.

We can’t say anything even though I want to so badly. Puffy eye, cuts and bruises on her. I’m feeling sad and concerned. I have three sisters a daughter and a girlfriend. If I know a man raised his hand to my waitress I’ll have a hit put out his worthless ass.

But Cherie tells me to behave. We’ll get our little brick oven fresh pizza and go home.

She brings out not a 12 inch pizza, not the next size up, but the biggest fucking pizza they make with extra cheese. The order is wrong, I’m tired from work and I know I’m going to spend some quality time in the bathroom. But I’m happy to be sitting across from my queen and I’m okay.

I make some jokes to her about why the order is wrong to Cherie and why our server got beat up.

“Because she doesn’t listen.” (Kidding. I feel bad for her. Maybe she just fell off her bicycle.)

“I will kick you so hard under the table your mom will feel it, if you don’t stop.”

I always make jokes when I’m sad or suffering for someone, to ease the tension in my heart, and Cherie knows this but she just wants me to stop.

(I did make a few more. Just to deal with it, and I love to watch her lovely dark almond eyes narrow and tell me to shut up.)

She knows I’m kidding. She knows me and knows I feel for this girl, and hates the fact that she is feeling what she’s feeling from my dark jest.

When I’m scared or sad I always joke to deal with my anxiety, sadness or depression. It’s a combative mechanism to help me deal with life.

We have a nice dinner and she’s happy. I love her braids. I hope they last all summer. Every time I see her, she seems more beautiful to me. She’s already gorgeous, but I am falling deeper in love with her soul. Her spirit. Her voice. Her mind. Her heart.

Cherie is a complex, beautiful human being that has come a long way at her ripe 27 years. I love her sweet calm with me. I love her wise maturity. I love that she is a parent like myself. She’s always struggling with what we all do with work, children and education, but she does it as a woman. My relationship with her has redefined me as an adult. I continue to evolve. She makes me grow as a man. I love that I continue to evolve. My life is changing.

I’m about to open a new business in Rittenhouse. If it’s successful, it will change my life dramatically. It will mean I can do more for my daughter Lorelei and change her life too. I’m beginning to think that sitting at Square 1682 getting cheap drinks and hanging with the same cast of characters is a waste of my talent.

I like these people but I think our time together is a bit of a waste of time. Nice people, but I’m carrying a lot of their water on my ship. I appreciate them.

I do. But I think I am growing out and away from them.

Just evolving as usual. It happens.

I was sitting at the bar the other night at Square and as usual I am loving the bartender Roman. He’s glorious. He is what I need him to be and he knows that. I take care of him. He’s amazing. He’s a husband and a dad and we have a history that is connected.

But I looked to the friend to the right of me and I started to see that I don’t need to do this anymore. The game is changing.

I’m changing.

There’s no value in this anymore. She has positioned herself with someone I no longer speak with and I know is nuts and has hurt my friend Alice.

I look to my left and here is my other friend. A lost confused damaged soul that can’t get out of his own fucking way to do go forward.

What am I doing here?

I was at City Hall today with my business partner getting our permit to open our fitness center.

That’s what I need to focus on. Going forward and building a business.

This happens throughout ones life if you continue to evolve. They come in and visit for a while and then they have to go because you grow beyond them. I think I need to faze them out. I may or may not do that, but I need to withdrawal from their stagnant drama.

I used to be in the public eye all of the time. Blowing up social media constantly. Many people and beautiful women basked in my light and I was just left with the hangover.

It’s okay. I had a great time but I’m getting older and I just can’t carry their weight anymore.

I want to build something.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, share, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice: Why You Should Give Up Online Dating In 2018

Online dating has turned people into numbers and it can suck the fun out of the process of dating if you let it.

Online dating has become everyone’s go-to when it comes to meeting romantic prospects. We program our entire lives via apps—from health and wellness to money management, so it’d make sense that our dating lives are also manipulated by the results generated by apps. For me, I found that a bit too contrived and problematic.

You want to meet them right away because things feel easy and there’s magic behind the comfort of your phone screen. Then once you’re sitting across from each other, you find out that there’s no magic at all.

For one, the bulk of dating apps don’t take into consideration where others are in their lives. When you put together your profile, you’re stating your intentions and your desires. “I’m looking for…” And based on what people aimlessly check off on their profile, you’re matched up. Except most people leave profiles open-ended to cast a wide net. Depending on the app or site you’re using, you’re going to have to do a lot of sifting through before you find any good candidates. In most cases, the best candidates are going to be selected based on criteria that make sense on paper. However, physically or intellectually, the matches wouldn’t be people you’d pick in real life.

Online dating isn’t always that extreme although it operates under a level of immediacy that can feel overwhelming. You want to meet them right away because things feel easy and there’s magic behind the comfort of your phone screen. Then once you’re sitting across from each other, you find out that there’s no magic at all. It’s a letdown. On the other side, you can be pleasantly surprised by someone that didn’t wow you exchanging messages. After a few dates, though, things fizzle out. You’re back to square one without as much as an explanation other than assuming that they’re just busy.

If a healthy relationship is near the top of your list for 2018, I’d suggest looking into your social circles.

The biggest reason why I think people should give up the vicious cycle of dating online is because there are better, more reliable ways to meet people. Depending on apps and social media can get exhausting. For the most part, you’re living in your head so much. There’s very little open communication because we’ve gotten used to moving on to the next thing. There are tons of options at our disposal. The risk of any type of accountability or investment is low. Online dating has turned people into numbers and it can suck the fun out of the process of dating if you let it.

If a healthy relationship is near the top of your list for 2018, I’d suggest looking into your social circles. Look at the places where you spend the bulk of your time. This year, I met a few great women through friends of mine and at church. My friends were invested in trying to fix me up (sometimes a little too invested) and knew enough about me that they picked good women for me. The people you trust likely are on your side and want to see your happy ending as much as you want to have it.

I’d also advise that you sit down and be honest with yourself about what is it that you want. Oftentimes we say we want a serious relationship when what we really want is companionship. Those two aren’t the same things. You can have one and not the other and that’s OK. But it’s important to not conflate them and to find someone who’s on the same page.

Dating is supposed to be enjoyable. Online dating apps have their place. That shouldn’t be your sole source for romantic quests though. If you’ve had more failures with it, I challenge you to get back to the basics of meeting people the way our parents and grandparents did it. Be bold and actually say hello to real, live people once in awhile.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Tinder Moments

Here we go again! More wacky and weird online dating profiles!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – How To Use Tinder PROPERLY: Tips For Getting More Dates

NEVER LEAVE YOUR BIO EMPTY

How To Use Tinder PROPERLY: Tips For Getting More Dates

Online dating is a divisive topic. Some see it as detrimental to the whole process of meeting and getting to know people, while others think it’s the best thing ever; in both cases it’s kinda the same reasoning though, because never before have singletons had quick access to talk to and date such a vast collection of people. Mobile dating, the portable smartphone spin-off of online dating, has also surged in recent years, and unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ll no doubt have heard of the most successful contender in this race – Tinder.

Tinder has given the somewhat laborious online dating world a shot of adrenaline and upped the pace tenfold. The app allows you to sync with your Facebook profile and flick through potential-dates until you find a match. The aim of the game with Tinder is to flick through your potential matches saying either yes (a flick to the right) or no (a flick to the left). Then the potential date does the same thing, if you both flick to the right, you’re a match and you can begin messaging inside the app.

It’s difficult to keep a concise and interesting profile which will grab the attention of your potential matches within a matter of seconds. We’ve put together a bunch of tips so you can get ahead in the world of flicking left and right.

For now though here’s a guide detailing exactly how to set up a Tinder profile.

Tinder is free to download and is available on all the major platforms. You’ll be able to download it from the Apple App Store, Google Play Store or even from Tinder’s very own website. Sadly there’s no Windows Phone version just yet.

 

2. Log In With Your Facebook

At the moment there’s only one way to sign into your Tinder account: Facebook. Tinder claims it does this to access photos for your profile and ensure you’re a real human being. Tinder also uses your location and interests when populating the app with potential matches.

The good news is you can keep your Tinder account as private as possible from your Facebook account by following these easy steps.

How To Use Tinder PROPERLY: Tips For Getting More Dates

3. Edit Your Facebook Account

As Tinder is about to start using your Facebook details, be sure to update it with better photos and include all your interests to ensure some good matches.

If you don’t want your friends to know you’re using the app, check out our guide on how to keep Facebook entirely separate from Tinder.

 

4. Edit Your Tinder Profile

Now you’ve worked on your Facebook profile, let’s get started on your blank canvas. There’s a bunch of different settings you can set up to give you a good experience using the app including putting in a short profile statement and choose which photos you want to use.

How To Use Tinder PROPERLY: Tips For Getting More Dates

5. Edit The Settings

The settings are the most important step. In the Tinder app, head into the Settings menu so you can choose your preferences. Within here you can choose your gender, your proximity to potential matches and your preferred age range. Remember with the proximity you should have your GPS enabled.

From there you can pick which gender you’re after – you can even choose both if you wish. You can also fiddle with your notification settings. Want a push notification when you’ve had a match? Here’s where you decide.

Tinder is all about pictures. That’s all you got going for you; well, that and a brief description about yourself. But mostly it’s all about pictures, and this means you NEED to have a good set of pictures, highlighting your best attributes.

Also, guys, most girls do not like guys that take selfies, so stay clear of using these if at all possible.

What kind of picture should you use? Simple: one that shows your face, without sunglasses, smiling. Leave the trout pouting to the Essex girls. A full body shot –– fully clothed, obviously –– is also advisable, as plenty of girls/boys like to know what they’re dealing with. Tinder is full of interacting strangers and potential Catfishes, after all.

NEVER LEAVE YOUR BIO EMPTY

Unless you look like Megan Fox or Chris Pratt, never leave your bio empty. Mystery is one thing, but most people, again, like to know who they’re dealing with and whether you’re interests/lifestyles are compatible. It doesn’t need to be too exhaustive, just a bit about yourself, your interests and what you like to do at the weekends, for instance.

How To Use Tinder PROPERLY: Tips For Getting More Dates

Tinder Moments Detailed

You can now share pictures with your matches using Tinder Moments. It’s channelling some features which made the instant photo sharing app Snapchat so successful. And it seems it intends to become more than just an app for dating.

Now you can share photos with all your Tinder matches and your matches can even press “nope” or “like” and even comment if they wish. On the company’s official blog Tinder says: “With Moments you can swipe through fun Moments shared by your matches and get a glimpse into each others lives.”

It’s much more like sharing a story on Snapchat as the images disappear within 24 hours. It’s private between only you and your matches as well so you can post whatever you wish.

The blog continues, “Capturing and sharing a Moment is designed to be really quick and less intimidating. Tinder Moments expire in 24 hours, so you can be yourself without the pressure of making it perfect. You can just share it raw or apply filters, draw, and add text to you make the most of the moment.”

Tinder insists it’s all for some clean photos to help you decide whether to go on a date, we’re not so certain. The update to Tinder should be on your smartphone before the day is out.

More Tinder Guides

The world of Tinder is complicated and fully of terrors. We’ve written a bunch of different user guides to help you get ahead in the swiping game including how to make sure your friends aren’t seeing what you’re doing. We also teach you how to stop an awful bug that means you might not be getting the matches you really deserve.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

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Crazy Dating Stories: Belinda – Circus Act

Last Wednesday I wrote about a clown and now here’s a circus of sorts. (See: Andrea – Clowning Around)

This story involves a circus girl I met over Tinder (of course). She had a very interesting profile about her being an aerial acrobatic for a circus that toured all over America, so I swiped right on her. Plus she was super cute. She messaged me on April 1st saying she had a show that night and wanted me to come see it. I had reservations about trusting a stranger I just met online on April Fool’s Day, but I went away, but it turns out she was telling the truth.

I arrive at the venue and I immediately notice it is much smaller than I anticipated. There was no way she was going to be performing aerial acrobatics on a stage with a ceiling only 20 feet tall. I go to buy my ticket and I find that my date is the one selling them! This is a perfect time to introduce myself, so I do, but she doesn’t give any hint of recognition that I’m the guy she has been messaging over Tinder. The line to the window was long, so I didn’t press the issue. The plan was to meet up for drinks after the show, so I just shook it off, took a seat and just planned on approaching her after the performance.

The “circus” was a disaster. The host started off the night by making the most inappropriate, racist jokes I’ve never even heard from my close friend’s mouths. There is a time and place for jokes like that, and I consider myself very open to a wide variety of humor, but when a large group of strangers are furtively looking around to see if anybody is laughing (or offended), then things get awkward fast. His crew was talking loudly and making noise in the back room and he had to talk over them most of the night. Overall, he did not ooze professionalism. He was a contortionists and a sword swallower, and was honestly the only saving grace, and “circus-y” part of the show.

My date’s bit was up second. She didn’t do her usual aerial act, but instead did a…performance…involving a chair and a cream pie. It was nothing special whatsoever, and even the audience could barely applaud in the appropriate pauses meant for applauding. Her following performer, however, is the one that made me leave during intermission.

He was a “performance artist” who walked up to the mic and started reciting a poem. Cool, I thought. It was actually a pretty neat poem, right until he took his pants and underwear off in the middle of reciting it. Fortunately for the audience, he had his dick tucked in between his legs so it wasn’t full frontal nudity per se…but still slightly disturbing nonetheless. He continued the deep, serious poem without any mention of his debriefing and finished his poem by exclaiming “Hail, Satan” and turned around and taking a bow, simultaneously presenting to the audience the good ol’ dick and balls he had been shyly hiding, along with the consolation prize of his asshole.

I had never thought ‘I’m outta here’ so hard in my life. I didn’t even talk to her before I left, and unmatched her the next day.

She sent me a message the following morning thanking me for coming, so she obviously recognized me but was just using Tinder as a way of advertising and getting guys to pay for her shitty circus show.

Reminded me of all of the horrible shit I had to sit through when I was dating Annabelle. (See: Annabelle – 2013 to 2014 – Nice to Meet You)

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every dayat 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 7 Golden Rules for Maximizing Right Swipe Potential on Tinder

“It’s not rocket science.”

A 2015 study by Global Web Index revealed what most Tinder users already know: whether they’re looking to find love or make love, men far outnumber women on the dating app. The study found that 62% of Tinder users were male, while only 38% of users were female.

This creates a situation where women overwhelmingly have the upper hand, because they have more options to choose from. As a result, many men remain baffled by Tinder and how to effect the seeming phenomena of matching with someone who is not a sex bot, doesn’t work for a live cam website, is not a prostitute, and is not too scared to meet in person.

So regardless of your gender and sexual preference, here are seven golden rules for increasing the likelihood of right swipes on your Tinder profile.

1 – Be An Active Tinder User

Many of the people complaining about lower than average matches on the site are hardly ever on it. Do a lot of swiping, and interact with the matches you already have to increase your chances of keeping them. Users often clean up their Tinder matches over time by unmatching the people they don’t interact with. Reduce the likelihood of being unmatched for this reason.

2 – Identify what you Need and Want

Some dating experts insist that dating is a numbers game, and you should create a profile which will appeal to the majority. This may work for those looking for casual encounters, but to develop more intimate connections – whether platonic or intimate – tailoring your account to the kind of person you want to attract is key.

As a result, knowing what you need and want in a relationship (or lack thereof), and from a person, should set the tone for the rest of your interactions on Tinder.

3 – Pick Better Pictures

If you don’t have a picture with your Tinder account, then you’re already doing it wrong. Some people may swipe right out of curiosity, but most will not, even if you have an amazing bio.

Your profile picture should be a recent, general favorite as decided by not just yourself, but your friends. Pick the ones that got the most likes on Facebook or Instagram, because this implies that it is the most attractive one you have.

The rest of your pictures should reflect not just the life you live, but the kind of things your match will be included in if he or she becomes involved with you. For instance, if you’re an active man, bring out the hiking and climbing pictures. If you’re a dog lover, post a picture of you with your four-legged friend.

4 – Fill Out Your Bio

A lot of people don’t fill out their bios. Reasons range from “Nobody even reads that” to “I don’t know what to say”. But the truth is many people do read it and use the content of your bio to break the ice.

Some potential matches also wonder, If you don’t know what to say in a bio, will you make good conversation on a date? Few things are as awkward as being stuck on a date with someone who doesn’t know how to carry on a conversation.

If you’re looking for something shallow, then perhaps a bio isn’t that big of a deal. For the people looking to create deeper connections, even when it doesn’t lead to a relationship, find some witty words to throw in that bio.

5 – Capitalize on the Power of Social Media

Tinder allows users to link their Instagram pages to their dating profile. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to let potential matches see more pictures of you and the things that interest you. You might also gain yourself a few new followers in the process.

In addition to this, Tinder shows mutual interests between you and your potential matches, which often helps to establish common ground. The more interests and pages you like on Facebook, the greater the likelihood of catching someone’s eye based on shared interests.

Don’t go crazy on liking pages though. Stick to the ones you’re genuinely interested in, so as not to create a false perspective of who you are. Overselling and under-delivering may get you more matches, but won’t work in your favor in the long run.

6 – Don’t Judge a “Book” by its Cover

Don’t judge potential matches based on their pictures alone. That lumberjack beard could be shaved off by now, and those muscles could have recently dissolved into twenty pounds of extra fat.

Similarly, accounts with bad pictures are often owned by people who are just not photogenic – I wasn’t. Take it from a former user who met up with maybe a dozen people from Tinder: almost every user looked even better than they did in their photos.

7 – Widen Location Settings

Only dating within a 20 mile radius doesn’t do much to expand your dating pool. Be open to matching with people no matter how far away they are, or if they live in a different country and are only in your area on vacation.

I met my husband on Tinder, while on vacation, and ended up marrying him and moving to his country. You never know what can happen.

Also, often times when people are planning to relocate, they will check out the dating pool in the area prior to moving. Don’t miss out on that opportunity by confining yourself to men and women up the street.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your feeedback in regard to this subject.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 5 Online Dating Profile Tips To Win The Ladies Over

Whether you’re new to the world of online dating or you’ve been in the game for a while, making a profile is tough.

How do you explain what you’re looking for without using cliches? Should you be yourself or play it cool with a few suave pickup lines?

And should you really mention that your friends say you look like George Clooney?

Don’t worry. We’ll cover all that and more. Here are five online dating profile tips guaranteed to win the ladies over.

 

1. Just Say No to Selfies

It’s true that selfies are a huge part of our culture. And on Facebook and Instagram, selfies are fine.

But not on your dating profile.

You don’t have to run to a studio for professional photographs, but you do want to show that you care enough to have a decent photo taken.

Enlist a friend to take a few shots of you, both close-up and full-body. Another tip: It should be just you in the photo. Save the pictures of your dog or best friend for another time.

2. 70% About You, 30% About Her

We didn’t invent these numbers. Studies show that profiles using this ratio get the most response on online dating sites.

Catch her eye with an interesting opening, perhaps an exciting travel tale or a funny anecdote. Give her a glimpse of your personality and tell her just enough to make her want to read more.

Next, mention your occupation and a little bit about your daily life. Focus on aspects of your work and lifestyle that you truly enjoy, and play them up. The more positive emotions you can elicit, the better.

Finally, describe your ideal woman. Be honest and specific, and don’t be afraid to set the bar high. Women like confidence.

3. Be Honest, But Not TOO Honest

You want to be honest on your profile, but there such a thing as too much honesty.

If you feel the need to mention you’re divorced or separated, go ahead. Most women will appreciate knowing that up front.

But avoid using sad words like “alone,” “desperate,” or “lonely.” While it may be true, it will detract from the more attractive parts of your profile.

What if you’re lacking in the self-confidence department? Sign up for a course like Social Attraction to help you feel more confident around the ladies.

4. Use Proper English

You only get one chance to make a first impression, so make sure your profile is spell-checked and error-free.

Skip the slang, emoticons, and abbreviations. These are fine for social media and text messages, but on your profile, you want to come across as an intelligent, educated adult.

On that note, steer clear of colloquialisms like “baby” or “doll.” It might have worked for Humphrey Bogart, but modern women aren’t the biggest fans of chauvinism.

5. Don’t Make a Checklist

Finally, remember that you’re looking for a real, live human being.

If you list every single quality you want, women who read your profile will feel like they’re in a livestock competition instead of looking for a date.

Women want to know about you, not fifty things you’re looking for in a mate (refer to the 70/30 rule). So tell her about yourself and let her decide if you two are a good match.

Final Thoughts

Creating a strong dating profile is challenging, but it’s doable.

With these online dating profile tips, you’re ready to log on and make a profile that will win the ladies over.

Be sure to check out our recent relationship posts for more helpful dating advice.

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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