10 Questions Women Have Always Wanted To Know About Men – And What Guys Really Think – Part 2

6. What does it take to have a relationship with a man?

“I’d love to know how to manifest and sustain a relationship with a healthy man.” —Kali

First, believe that these types of men exist. Feel it in your body. Know, without a shadow of a doubt, that these types of men are out there, even if you have never met one of them in your life thus far. Nothing I say past this point matters if you don’t engage this step honestly.

If you secretly believe that all men are simple neanderthals and that there aren’t any men who can truly meet you in the depths, then you will find ways to sabotage or stop your search early by settling for someone who isn’t your equal.

Next, constantly be seeking out any places where you may still be carrying heavy elements of self-rejection. What parts of yourself do you routinely make wrong? Engage talk-based therapy. Note, own, and drop any beliefs you carry about yourself that do not serve you. Be kind to yourself in your daily life.

Next, cultivate your openness and receptivity. When a woman is open to relationship, it can be felt by men. Be easy to approach when you see a man that you feel drawn to, while maintaining your standards completely.

Be easy to get along with, but hard to impress. Similar to a queen. The queen of a kingdom is approachable, accessible, and kind to the people of her land, but that does not mean that she would be best friends and close confidantes with just anyone. Cultivate your queen energy, while also being completely open and accessible to the right men.

As for how to sustain a relationship with a healthy man, be a healthy woman. Do your work. Take responsibility for your projections. Make generous assumptions about his thoughts, words, and actions. If you feel that he is a trustable man, trust him fully. If you respect and support his direction in life, then support it fully.

You sustain a relationship with a healthy person by doing everything anyone should do when they have met their match. You love them fully and let them love you in return.

7. How can women make men feel safe when labeling a relationship?

“I have been in a semi-relationship for the last year. We have been friends for longer, but we have been on and off lovers for the last twelve or so months. He has been divorced several times and is generally gun shy about naming that what we are in is a relationship. How can I help foster a safe relationship where he doesn’t feel so afraid of me? I am genuinely not trying to trap him. How do I help him go from this current pattern of hot/cold/hot/cold… to just being there for me consistently, and feeling comfortable enough to call me his partner?” —Maria

There’s two layers of feedback that I would give to this.

First, if he is truly dead-set on not being in a relationship, and you want a relationship, then I would recommend believing his words and moving on. He is telling you that he doesn’t want a deeper commitment, and has shown so consistently, so honor your standards and find someone who wants to be with you.

Second, I will address how to get a man to commit to you in general. I like to think of people as fairly simple, and fairly logical. In my world view, people do everything that they do for a reason that makes absolute sense to them, whether they are aware of their internal process or not.

The equation that men run through their minds when it comes to deciding to commit to a partner or not is simply: “Will the benefits that I glean from this relationship win out over the amount of headache that I will endure to be in said relationship?”

For example, if a man is deeply in love with his career, he will run a cost/benefit analysis on whether or not entering into a relationship with you will result in a net-positive win for his career. If you need constant hand-holding, and the emotional processing is incessant, and you take up so much of his time and energy that he can no longer engage in his life’s work, then you will not make the cut.

But if he sees all of the benefits that being in relationship with you would bring to his life, and the amount that those things would add to his career (and to his life in general) is greater than the energetic costs dating you would take, then he will happily be two-feet-in in your relationship.

Does this sound decidedly unromantic? Too heady or formulaic? Well, too bad. People can be calculating and cold. But I would encourage you not to see it as heady or transactional, but rather, a simple diagnostic tool that he uses to test for alignment in his life.

Men who are up to things in the world run this diagnostic tool on everything in their lives, not just their romantic partners.

Does eating this food serve or inhibit my ability to maximize my greatest potential? Does maintaining a friendship with this man serve me or limit me? Does waking up at this particular time serve me or limit me?

So why would there be any different assessment tool for his life partner? And so, the action step that you can take away from all of this is simple. Find a man whose life you believe in, see ways in which you could add to his life, and then communicate those benefits to him directly.

8. Do men really care about physical imperfections?

“Be honest with me. How much do men care about physical imperfections (wrinkles, cellulite, love handles, and all that)?” —Kim

It depends completely on the type of man that you are referring to.

If you are in a relationship with a man who is predominantly driven by the tangible, superficial world, then those things will matter very much. He will have his identity and his ego bolstered by the fact that he is with a smooth, conventionally attractive and acceptable partner.

If you are in relationship with someone who values more than just the superficial world, and who sees himself as more than just a body or a wallet, and who sees you as more than just a body or a sex toy, then those things won’t matter in the slightest.

Ultimately, a man who has done any amount of deep inner work recognizes that he is not in a relationship with a body. He is in relationship with a heart, a soul, an essence. So he fully expects that the body will fluctuate and change with time, because all anything ever does is change.

So, speaking personally for a moment, not only do wrinkles, cellulite, love handles, stretch marks not turn me off, I actually prefer them because they speak to a body that has lived and experienced life. I would rather a body that shows depth and experience than a smooth, new body that hasn’t yet lived a fuller spectrum of experiences.

Similar to how I feel a deeper sense of trust and comfort in conversation with people who have experienced great loss or grief, as opposed to someone who has yet to be put through the paces of those parts of life. As always, this stuff is all just a hall of mirrors.

If you carry self-rejection around certain parts of your body, then you will be more likely to meet and attract partners who share that same judgment about those parts of your body. Conversely, when you come into a place of love and acceptance of your body, you will be much more likely to call in romantic partners who love and accept your body in a similar manner.

9. What does it mean when he wants to be alone?

“Why does my partner seem to need so much more alone time than me? Is that a guy thing? I know that his work is really important to him, but it seems like sometimes when I am telling him about my day he can just hit this internal wall and his eyes start to glaze over and then he needs to decompress from our conversation. Might sound tangental but it’s related. Do guys simply need more alone time than women? Or is it more something to do with masculine/feminine energy dynamics?” —Rachelle

When women need to dig up deeply personal insights, it is often best for them to go deeper into their community. To talk it out with close confidantes. Whereas when men need to get in touch with deeply personal insights, it is often best for them to take a break from people and be completely by themselves.

Now, I am not advocating that men build a life of isolation (as this is one of the core things that leads to the high suicide rate among men), but it is one factor as to why men might need more alone time than most women.

Furthermore, men have more steps that they need to take in order to get in touch with themselves. I know 10x more women who can drop into a place of feeling connected to their bodies, or connected to something that they would consider spiritual and/or their higher selves, whereas men tend to need to work at this with a bit more intention and effort.

So if your partner seems to need a lot of time alone, he could be in a time of transition and simply needs to quietly be with his innermost thoughts (that come up as whispers instead of clear directions), or he could just be on the more introverted side of the spectrum and doesn’t need as much social stimulation.

10. How can you get a guy to be open about changes in the bedroom?

“How do I bring up things that I would like to change about my sex life with my man without hurting him or making him feel insecure? Is there a sexier way than just saying ‘I would like it better if you did X instead’? I have had negative experiences in the past where the guy just did not like being told what to do and so I feel nervous about bruising his ego, but I also want to be a stand for my pleasure, and, ultimately, our relationship.” —Marissa

As long as you dance around his feelings, you will be enabling his smallness, as well as your own. As long as you avoid difficult conversations, you will be someone who avoids difficult conversations. And as long as he is in a relationship with a partner who isn’t willing to ask for more, he will be (knowingly or unknowingly) delivering sub-par pleasure to said partner.

This question feels akin to when people ask me: “How do I ask someone out without being rejected?” Stop trying to avoid the difficult emotions and just do the thing.

If he gets so hurt about the idea that he hasn’t been an 100 percent perfect lover for you without needing to be told what to do, and he hates getting feedback so much that he breaks up with you on the spot, well then, there’s your answer. And I am assuming you don’t want to be with a partner whose ego is that fragile (because otherwise you wouldn’t be asking such a question).

Sit him down at a time where you are both feeling calm, resourced, and connected to each other, give him the heads up that you would like to talk briefly about your sex life, tell him a few things that you do enjoy about your sex life, and then ask him for the changes that you would like going forward.

He can’t read your mind, but he wants to win when it comes to loving you well. So give him the tools and directions so that he can start winning more often than not. If he cares about you and your pleasure more than he cares about safeguarding his ego, he will be grateful that you brought these things to his attention.

Another thing to consider is how are you bringing this up to him.

Are you bringing it to him from a grounded and loving place, or is sideways/buried anger slipping out in the way that you are naming it? There is a huge difference between saying, “I really love when you do this thing” (even if they’ve only done it once) versus, “I need you to do X more!”

People, by and large, respond to positive reinforcement much more than to being told how they’re messing up or lacking. So speak to him in proactive, rewarding, complimentary ways, and you’ll get much faster results than if you’re telling him that he’s messing up and you’re pissed off at him.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

10 Questions Women Have Always Wanted To Know About Men – And What Guys Really Think – Part 1

Men are a mystery.

A few months ago, I sent out an email to my email list requesting that my female readers ask me absolutely anything they wanted to know about. Within 24 hours, I had received hundreds of responses.

The #1 most common thing that they asked about? Men. More specifically, what men were thinking.

What did men think about women? How does sex feel for men? Do men really respect women or do they just tolerate them so that they can have a regular drip-feed of sexual intimacy in their lives?

Honestly, I really appreciated the directness of the emails. I guess hiding behind a screen gives you a certain sense of anonymity and so the women emailing me didn’t feel like they had to hold back at all.

So, without further ado, I would like to share with you my responses to some of the most common (and some of the more entertaining) questions that I received in those hundreds of emails about what men want and what men think about a variety of issues.

1. What do men want from women?

“I would love to know what men REALLY want from women. In bed, in life, in everyday. Most importantly in bed.” —Tina

While men certainly aren’t all the same, and individual variation always needs to be taken into account, there are definitely some important themes I can touch on here. The vast majority of men (which, from now onward in this article I will just refer to as men) really aren’t that hard to understand, once you understand a few core concepts about the reality of being male.

First, men crave freedom. And what freedom means to any one man changes from person to person. One man might crave the freedom of being a perpetual bachelor and travelling the world and never having a relationship last more than three months in his entire life.

Another man might crave the freedom to live out his life’s work, with as few disruptions as possible, from the time that he discovers his life’s work, to the day he dies. You don’t need to search for long to find many famous examples of men who toiled away on their magnum opus until the day they died.

But one thing that I have seen in my male clients, disproportionately so compared to my female clients, is that they burn with passion for their path, their mission, their purpose, their life’s work.

As David Deida has written about extensively, the feminine in every person craves love and connection, whereas the masculine in everyone craves a sense of purpose above all else. So, more often than not, men crave a woman who helps/adds to/is supportive of his purpose in the world. So make sure that you partner up/have partnered up with a man whose mission in the world is one that you believe in.

Next, you ask what men want from women in bed. Predominantly, men want a woman who is enjoying herself.

Here’s a quick, immediately actionable tip. Want your man to perform better for you in bed? To bring you more of his energy? Make more noise. That’s right. Simply moaning more will inspire your man to step up for you in the bedroom.

Now, don’t fake it. Your lying energy won’t inspire him. But if you are experiencing real pleasure, let it be known by letting your voice be fully expressed.

It is my firm belief that pleasure being experienced through your body is more pleasurable to men than even the heights of pleasure in their own bodies. The feminine is a potent conduit for pleasure and expression.

Ever wonder why some men can be so obsessed with getting their partners to orgasm? Sure, part of it is ego. They want to make sure that she is having a great time so that they feel lovable and okay. But more importantly than that, is that they experience pleasure more fully when you are the one who is experiencing it fully.

To put this in another context, a man simply witnessing a feminine-associated woman dancing with abandon is more nourishing to his masculine heart than his own dancing could ever be for himself.

Don’t believe me? Ask any man who has done any amount of work (aka not just a basic, pump-and-dump loser who toils away at a desk job that he hates and doesn’t know up from down) and he will confirm what I am telling you.

(I will touch on more aspects of what men want in the following answers.)

2. What actions really annoy a woman’s partner?

“What do women do that annoys their partner?” —Libby

The biggest thing: not trusting them. All men want to be with a woman who trusts them. And not being trusted by them hurts in a visceral way.

Trust matters so much to men because trust is an indicator that their partner has confidence in the core of their masculine essence. Their directionality. Their decision-making ability.

The hurt of not feeling trusted would be the equivalent to a man not responding (or explicitly shaming or speaking against) his female partner’s radiance. If a man commented on how ugly or smelly you were… or if he made fun of the way that you danced or the sounds you made when you orgasm, these things would hit deeply. So it is for men when they feel like their women doesn’t trust them.

So, trust them if they are trustable. Practice surrendering more deeply on a regular basis. And, if you really don’t trust them, and they have continually made decisions that you don’t agree with, then don’t be with them.

The other thing that I think is worthy of being mentioned here, is that all men will resent the mirror of their partner, at least occasionally. No matter how much work a man has done on himself, there will still be times where he registers his partner’s care for him, at least 1 percent, as “nagging.”

Because men crave silence, peace, stillness, freedom, there is something about being in relationship with a woman that is like voluntarily chaining yourself to the antithesis of stillness.

There is a part of your man that sometimes wishes he could just get drunk, let go of all responsibility, and hook up with an easier woman a woman who doesn’t challenge him or call him to his greatness in the slightest. Any man who denies this is either disconnected from his more animalistic self, or is lying to your face.

And yet, his higher self craves the feminine mirror. Women make men self-conscious, in the most literal sense.

Men become more aware of themselves, and all of their short-comings, when they are around a woman. And so any man who complains of a woman who is nagging at him is simply a man who is afraid to step into his power and potential in life, nothing more.

3. What are men insecure about?

“What are some of men’s biggest insecurities?” —Anna

Men are people, and thus have the insecurities that any people would have. But there’s definitely a few that are more common for men.

The biggest ones that I hear from the mouths of men most often are the following:

• How competent they are as providers/earners
• How competent they are as lovers (sexual stamina, satisfying their partners fully)
• How competent they are at finding/attracting a mate (if they are single)

Obviously there is a huge factor of self-selection bias here. In other words, the types of men who I talk to most frequently are men who are proactively seeking out sex and relationship advice. But this data is also informed by the men in my men’s group and the men in my life in general.

But those are the core themes that I am most privy to. Insecurities surrounding “can I attract a partner that I feel aligned with?,” “can I provide for my life/my family?,” and “can I provide an amazing sexual experience for my partner?”

Anything past that (their beer gut, whether or not they can throw a football, etc.) matters less. But the core theme is competency. While women are raised and conditioned to be pleasant and attractive, men are primarily conditioned to be effective and useful.

4. How do men feel about successful women?

“Men say that they want a woman who is successful, has her own money… but I’m a career woman and I feel like no guys are interested in me. What gives!? I followed the whole third wave feminism ‘I don’t need no man’ script, amassed my own wealth, and I feel like it bit me on the ass. What would you recommend for someone like me?” —Angelica

This is a great question. And to answer it, I want to provide some context on it by swapping the genders and giving an alternative example.

Across an average population sample, there are many women that say they want a man who is in touch with his emotions. What this looks like in reality is that he would be able to express his emotional reality, cry at the occasional movie, and be sensitive enough to emotionality in general that he could always feel into what she was feeling.

And while this is a beautiful, well-intentioned concept, a certain percentage of women who claim they want this from men aren’t actually able to be with it because they have not done their own deep inner work. When men show up in their lives who are fully in touch with their emotions, they might feel repulsed or turned off by their emotional sensitivity.

And so it is with a certain percentage of men who say they want to be with a powerful woman.

The idea sounds nice. And it might sound progressive and of-the-times to say that you want this. But that doesn’t mean that every man who says he wants this will be in touch with his own internal sense of power enough to be able to be partnered up with someone who makes more than he does.

Ultimately, this all comes back to our relationship with ourselves.

A woman can be with a man who is deeply in touch with his emotions (and is in the habit of expressing them) when she has accepted the full range of her own emotions, and when she can source her own sense of stability inside of herself.

Just like a man can be with a woman who makes a lot of money and/or has a high-powered job position when he is in touch with his own internal power source and doesn’t need to feel worthy/powerful as a one-up-one-down covert competition with his partner. Such a man knows that a powerful partner doesn’t threaten his sense of power, but rather, if anything, helps to bolster it.

So, to directly answer this readers question, I would say that: 1) I would recommend doing some honest internal searching to see if there’s any part of you that feels wrong, guilty, or bad about wielding such power, 2) accepting/loving the fact that you hold the position that you do, and 3) going out into the dating field fully expecting that there are men who will absolutely adore this part of you, and accepting nothing less in a partner.

In short, you need to make friends with your power. That is the place from which you will start meeting men who also love and appreciate your power. Because those men absolutely exist. And any part of you that believes otherwise is simply a projection of you not being in love with this part of yourself.

Also, another factor that has been at play for the majority of career-minded women that I have worked with, is that they have a difficult time dropping into their softness when they get home. It isn’t that being rich, or powerful, or driven is a deterrent to sustaining a relationship with a man, it’s that the women in question might not be able to switch from work mode to relationship mode, and without being able to drop into her more surrendered feminine flow, she will continually struggle to meet someone who can hold space for the totality of who she is.

To any woman who struggles with dropping into her softer, feminine essence, I would recommend having a transitioning ritual like a bath, or dancing, or stretching/moving your body in some way that gets you out of work mode and into your body.

5. How do men deal with a partner who has a low sex drive?

“I absolutely adore my husband. I respect him so much. He is the perfect partner to me. But I feel guilty because my sex drive has taken a significant dip in the last few years. I recently launched two new businesses and a lot of my energy has been taken up by that, and I feel guilty for not giving him the sexual intimacy that I feel he deserves. Also, he is gorgeous, takes care of himself, etc. and is very attractive to me. It’s just an issue of my low desire. Any tips?” —Amelie

Men’s primary work, when it comes to sex, is cultivating stamina. And not in terms of being able to mindlessly pump away for hours, but rather, cultivating general bandwidth so that they can hold a strong container. Yes, stamina relates to being able to influence when/if they ejaculate, but it also refers to how much emotional bandwidth they can hold for their partner to be her fully expressed self.

Women’s primary sexual work is cultivating their ongoing sense of sexual simmer. The Taoists often referred to men as fire and women as water, and it is up to women to keep their water’s ‘simmer’ level up. So, it simply sounds like you have been flooding your body with stress hormones for the last few years and your dip in libido makes a ton of sense.

If your honest-to-god truth is that you don’t want to be sexual right now and you would rather pour your energy into your businesses, then the move would be to let go of the guilt (which is just a sneaky way of making ourselves wrong) and let yourself be in business mode. But if you would rather funnel some of that energy back into your relationship, then that’s going to take some reprioritization of your values.

The short answer: find ways to work less, and be in your body more.

Less 12 hour work days, more setting aside time to self-pleasure. Less going to bed absolutely exhausted, more time going to bed with some energy left in the tank to cuddle/be affectionate/be present with your partner. Less taking work calls at the dinner table, more bubble baths, long walks, and movement practices.

You get the idea. Less time in your head, more time in your body. That’s how you turn this trend around.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Cherie – Chapter 62 – State Of Love And Trust

“I’m home. I feel bad. I’m a dick. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, you’re such a sweet man and I treated you like a dick. ”

“Yay. You’re home safe. Wait what? How did you treat me like a dick?”

“I’ve been really cold towards you.”

“I understand, but why honey?”

“IDK I’m depressed I guess I’m just not feeling anything anymore.”

“For me?”

“I love you. IDK I guess our time apart changed me and I just feel lost in general with life and love.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“No”

I feel bad because I’m cold to you and I don’t want to be.”

“What can I do to thaw your heart to me?”

“IDK and that’s the problem”

“But last time you were here you were the same until we had sex and then you were back to your old self.”

“I know but it’s just weird to feel like that today it was worse and I was just not myself with you at all.”

“Maybe you’re just tired of me.”

“I don’t think that. I think we fell off because we were apart for like forever.”

“But we’re seeing each other more now. We’re doing that. Making an effort. My words today told you how much I admire and love you and how precious you are to me. You’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had.

“You’re the best man and boyfriend ever. We are making efforts now. I don’t know.

“If I’m the best, then why are you treating me like this dear?”

“I don’t mean to. I feel like a horrible person.”

“Please don’t. I love you so much. You’re a wonderful woman. I’m sad.

“I don’t want you to be sad. I feel like I made you sad. You make me to be such a wonderful girlfriend but not when I’m cold to you.”

“I’m patient and understand if you’re not always your cheery self. You have a lot on your plate and have many challenges in your life. I’m just happy to see you and spend time with you. Warm or cold is fine because I love you Cherie.

“Yea, but those aren’t excuses and you are always happy to see me and I need to reciprocate the feelings, I love you.

“If you’re not feeling the same for me Cherie. I will have to understand.  I’m sad. I don’t want to lose you but if you’ve lost your feelings for me I have to understand.”

“Please stop saying that. I don’t want you to be sad. I was happy and okay last time we were together.”

“Will you see me again in two weeks so we can be together? I don’t want to lose my girlfriend that I adore.”

“Yes. I love you too and I don’t want to be without you.”

“Yes. Thank you. I need you in my life Cherie. I love you honey. I’m upset. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want you to be upset. I love you.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t. I’m not.”

“I love you so much Cherie. I’ll do anything to get through this. I need you in my life.”

“I love you and I’m glad you’re in my life.”

“Okay, so can we work on this? I’m just afraid you don’t feel the same passion you once had for me. But I love you like I did the first time we were together.”

“Yes. We can work on this. I love you and I want us to be together always.”

That really struck me.

“Me too!” I’ll do anything to keep you happy, honey. I love you so much.”

“I know, I love you if you weren’t such a perv I’d say I’d do anything too!”

My baby’s back.

“Aww! I love you more and I’m not a perv to you honey. I adore you.”

“I know, but your mind wanders.”

I love that.

“Baby, I need you. I need you in my life darling.”

“I need you too. You keep me sane.”

That’s a solid post.

“I complimented you so much today because you’re so beautiful and smart and wonderful. I love you and treasure you so much in my life.”

“You’re amazing, smart, patient and a gentleman and so much more. I value your love and your meaning in my life.”

“Thank you dear. I feel better. I’ll do my very best to please you. I don;t want you to be sad and numb.

“I’m glad you do. You’ve done no wrong. It’s me.

“Okay. I love you. I really do. I’m so excited and happy we’re together. I love taking you on dates and being with you honey.

“I love you and I never doubt you love me.”

“I’m sitting here worried about us and loving you so much. I don’t want to lose you.”

“I love you. I’m not going anywhere. We will make it work.”

We’ve hit a bump in the road but I believe everything’s fine. I ended up calling her on the phone and we talked about everything. I believe we will be fine. I love Cherie so much. She’s the sweetest woman I have ever met. She’s so much younger that me. I like that, but she has experience in life. Being a mother and a student.

I know she’s going through her growing pains in this relationship but I think she sees the value in us being together. There’s distance, but I know she understands the joy we feel when we’re together.

New for both of us.

Strong and sustaining.

Can’t wait to see her again.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Use These 12 Habits for Texting in the Early Stages of Dating

Texting in the early stages of dating isn’t easy, especially when you don’t want to screw anything up. Here are 12 texting habits you should have.

Are you caught up in the early romance of dating? It can feel uncertain, wondering if they really like you or not. Luckily, you have all the information you need to help you develop healthy habits for texting in the early stages of dating.

The early stage is pretty sensitive because you aren’t a couple yet. Naturally, I know you want this person to like you back and want to be with you, so there are a couple of things you should do to make sure you play it cool and have them come to you.

It’s easy to get caught up in feelings and excitement. Follow these tips, and you’ll be able to text the person you’re dating with ease. [Read: How to start a conversation over text and get them texting back]

Texting in the early stages of dating: 12 texting habits to have

When I was growing up, texting wasn’t even a thing. In fact, you had to pay per text message! I remember texting for my first time, and thinking, “this is never going to become a thing.” I was so wrong. Within a year or two, I found myself texting like crazy and driving my dad’s phone bill through the roof.

It wasn’t until much later I was texting with guys I liked. And let me tell you, there wasn’t any rule book to teach you how to text someone you liked. I would write essay-length messages, ask question after question. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. I was so annoying. But that’s not the point!

Who said texting someone you like was easy?

#1 Take a deep breath. Yes, you like this person, and you’re all excited, but chill. Take a couple of deep breaths, and take it easy. If you work yourself up, it’ll get you overthinking everything you say. The person you’re dating should never be up on a pedestal. They’re human, and if they don’t like you, that’s okay. There’s someone out there who will.

#2 Don’t text obsessively. I know talking to them all day long is fun and exciting, but you also have a life outside of your phone, right? Being overly available isn’t a good look. Why? Because it’s waving the “I’m codependent” flag. Do you have anything else going on besides texting them all day long? I know you do, and they need to see that.

#3 Texting shouldn’t replace face-to-face contact. You’re in the early stages of dating; this is the time where you should spend more time with them in person than over text. You need to see the person they really are, not the one they’re showing via text or social media.

Texting can be used to talk about everyday things, but it should mainly be used to arrange in-person dates.

#4 Don’t question your messages. When we like someone, we want them to think we’re funny, smart, and all the other good qualities people have. And when you’re texting someone, you want them to see these qualities.

But that doesn’t mean you should be second-guessing every message you’re sending them, making sure it doesn’t offend them, or turns them off. Don’t question what you write, just make sure it’s honest.

#5 You both need to initiate conversation. If you’re the only one who’s doing all the texting, that’s not a great sign. I think we’re all guilty of being that person, and that never ends up well. In a healthy texting relationship, you’re both comfortable enough to initiate and carry on a conversation. If you see you’re the one putting in all the effort, stop.

#6 Reply when you have time. That’s right. You don’t need to stay glued to your phone. If you’re at work or at school, keep those activities a priority. When you have time, text the person you’re dating. You don’t need to play games, but you shouldn’t jeopardize yourself to send them a text message.

#7 Use actual grammar. I know this sounds lame, but you need to use proper grammar and spelling. A typo here and there isn’t a big deal, but people like to read sentences they don’t need to decode. You probably didn’t know this, but people are turned off by poor grammar and spelling. So, shape up.

#8 Know when to end the conversation. You don’t need to text all day and night to show the person you’re interested in them. Know when it’s okay to end the conversation. If you feel it’s dying, then end the conversation early. You can start a new conversation in a couple of hours, that’s fine. But don’t try to keep a conversation alive when it doesn’t have to be.

#9 Be mindful of your tone. If you’re someone who has a dry or sarcastic humor, it may not always come across right on text. But that doesn’t mean you can’t show off your personality. Use a couple of emojis here and there to get the point across clearly, and read your message to yourself to make sure what you want to say is actually getting across.

#10 Save the important conversations for in person. You don’t need to have a deep conversation about your childhood over a text message. There are some conversations that are better left for in-person dates.

People have a lot of time to think about what they want to say, and that’s not always a good thing. Sometimes you need to see a person’s facial expressions and their reactions for specific conversations.

#11 Move past the text message. Texting, in the beginning, is fine and dandy, but eventually, you should talk on the phone. I know! Gasp! No one talks on the phone now, but hearing someone’s voice is much different than texting each other. Plus, it shows both of you a level of comfort in the relationship.

#12 Don’t ever just text ‘hi.’ What are we, ten? Come on! If this is someone you like, you can do a little bit better than ‘hi.’ Seriously. Never send a message with ‘hi.’ Instead, add a question to the end of it. It’s too generic and lazy; it gives off the impression that they’re not good enough for anything more.

Texting in the early stages of dating isn’t easy at all! You’re nervous and want to impress your date. But don’t worry, if you follow these habits, you’ll be on the right path.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Best Ways for Men to Improve Sexual Performance

Impotency is common in men. The impotent man is unable to get an erection for a long time. It can occur due to many reasons. Low levels of testosterone and low libido are the main causes that lead to poor sexual performance in bed. To avoid these problems, men are very crazy about different surgeries. These surgeries are very expensive and cause infection in the penile area.

In this article, you will be able to know the best and effective ways to increase sexual performance in the bed at any age. These all ways are easy without any medicine or side effects. Let’s check them out:

Stay Active and Healthy

Healthy men have a high libido and can perform better compared to unhealthy men. According to this website, there are supplements and exercises that can play an important part in keeping you healthy by increasing the level of testosterone in the body. Cardiovascular exercises are best for men. Sweat breaking exercises are very effective to keep a person healthy, active and calm.

Swimming is also the best exercise for men to improve performance in bed. All body parts are involved in swimming that aid you in keeping the entire body active and healthy.

Reduce Stress Level

The other way to increases libido is to get rid of anxiety and stress. Stress puts great pressure on your heart, in this way blood pressure increases that affect the sexual desire negatively. Studies had also proven that some psychological stress also causes difficulties in erection and reaching an orgasm.

The best way to reveal stress is to talk to your partner about the tension and anxiety. It will calm you and build a powerful relationship at the same time.

Say Bye to Bad Habits

Some bad habits like smoking, high caffeine and alcoholism are the major reasons for decreasing sexual performance. Excessive use of various substances can narrow the blood vessels and slow down the blood circulation. It is directly related to impotence.

To achieve the best performance, you have to cut down all the bad habits gradually and adopt a healthy lifestyle. A healthy diet and a healthy lifestyle naturally boost sexual health.

Get Sunlight

Melatonin is a hormone in our body that stops the desire of sex in the body and sunlight stops the production of this hormone. It means that sunlight increases the sexual urges by quieting melatonin production. In the winter season, melatonin produces in high ratio, sun waves wake up your sexual drive.

Moreover, sunlight is also a good source of Vitamin D that helps in muscle building and absorbs the calcium in our body.

Pay Attention to Your Partner

Sex is better if both persons are involved equally because it is not a one-way street. If you pay special attention to your partner, it will increase the pleasure and satisfaction of both sides. Focusing on your partner can give you better sex drive.

The above describes ways that are the best way to improve sexual performance in men. You can easily cope with these issues and lead a healthy and satisfying life.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Tales of Rock: Meet Connie Hamzy — Rock And Roll’s “Most Notorious Groupie” And Bill Clinton’s First Sex Scandal

“Sweet” Connie Hamzy Parente (born January 9, 1955), also called “Sweet Sweet” Connie or Connie Flowers, is an American woman who is known as a groupie who claims to have had sex with numerous rock musicians. Hamzy also received some attention for her claim that she was propositioned by Bill Clinton, then governor of Arkansas.

Connie Hamzy Parente
Born	Connie Parente January 9, 1955(age 64) Little Rock, Arkansas
Occupation	Media personality, groupie

She is mentioned in Grand Funk Railroad’s song “We’re an American Band” (“Sweet, sweet Connie, doin’ her act/ She had the whole show and that’s a natural fact.”)

Hamzy personally claims to have given oral sex to various members of the many bands that have traveled through Little Rock. Her alleged groupie escapades were detailed in a Cosmopolitan profile in 1974, and in 1992 she wrote a tell-all article for Penthouse.

In 1991, Hamzy was briefly in the news due to her claim that, in 1984, she had been approached by an Arkansas state trooper on behalf of Bill Clinton. She claimed that she and Clinton had looked for “a place where they could have some privacy for an assignation, but couldn’t find one.” George Stephanopoulos later recounted that Clinton told him a different story of his meeting with Hamzy. According to Clinton, Hamzy had approached him in a hotel lobby, flipped down her bikini top, and asked him, “What do you think of these?” Stephanopoulos secured affidavits from three people who had been accompanying Clinton and confirmed Clinton’s recollection. When asked about Hamzy by reporters, Stephanopoulos responded by denying the story off the record and offering to provide the affidavits, also off the record. Although CNN Headline News reported Hamzy’s allegations once, neither CNN nor other mainstream news organizations pursued the story further.^[2]

Hamzy published a memoir in 1995 under the title Rock Groupie: The Intimate Adventures of “Sweet Connie” from Little Rock.

In 1996, Hamzy sought to run as an independent for the United States House of Representatives from Arkansas’ 2nd congressional district, but ultimately did not appear on the general election ballot.

Hamzy was featured in a segment of the Insomniac with Dave Attell episode in Little Rock.

She was also interviewed on the Howard Stern Show on December 4, 1991, and again on December 8, 2010

As long as there’s an American band around, Connie Hamzy will keep “doin’ her act.”

Connie Hamzy, born Jan. 9, 1955, in Little Rock, Ark., has collected several nicknames over the years. Some call her Connie Flowers, “Sweet” Connie Hamzy, “Sweet Sweet” Connie, or just simply “Sweet Sweet.” A prominent rock groupie, her celebrity status was solidified in two lines from the Grand Funk Railroad’s 1973 song, “We’re an American Band,” which became the group’s first number one single:

“Sweet, sweet Connie, doin’ her act
She had the whole show and that’s a natural fact.”

Connie Hamzy’s early escapades

Bands she was allegedly associated with include Led Zeppelin, the Eagles, Bad Company, ZZ Top, and the Doobie Brothers. In 2005, Spin dubbed her“the world’s most notorious rock’n’roll groupie.” But she wasn’t just a 70s groupie. Hamzy was in it for the long haul.

Hamzy was only 15 years old when she was with her first rock star, the drummer for Steppenwolf, Jerry Edmonton. Then she moved onto to Keith Moon of The Who and John Bonham of Led Zeppelin.

Drummers soon became her niche. “The drummers gravitated to me because they wanted to hear about John Bonham and Keith Moon,” she told Howard Stern in an interview. There was one drummer who got away, though. “I haven’t had Neal Peart. That I regret,” she said.

In the 1980s, while her fellow groupie comrades like Pamela Des Barres and Bebe Buell slowly drifted out of the scene to start families or write books about their wild exploits, Hamzy continued her groupie lifestyle into the 90s.

Connie Hamzy’s affair with politics

In fact, some of the biggest waves she made came in 1991, shortly after Bill Clinton declared his candidacy for the presidential nomination. In a tell-all published by Penthouse magazine, Hamzy alleged that in 1984 she had an encounter with Clinton in a North Little Rock hotel while he was governor of Arkansas and married to Hillary Clinton. Hamzy said Bill spotted her while she was sunbathing by the hotel pool. The two of them went into the laundry room and fondled each other until they were abruptly interrupted.

Hamzy said that the incident fell on deaf ears. Political journalist George Stephanopoulos got affidavits from three individuals who said she approached Clinton and he rebuffed her. CNN picked up the story but dropped it after the affidavits were produced.

In 1995, she wrote a book titled Rock Groupie: The Intimate Adventures of “Sweet Connie” from Little Rock, but her love for rock stars didn’t stop. In her 2005 interview with Spin, when she was 50 years old, she told a story of a recent encounter with Neil Diamond while she was hanging on a tour bus.

“Then he gets high with us and disappears backstage. A few minutes later, his manager says he wants to see me in his dressing room. So I knock on the door, and there’s Neil waiting for me in a blue robe.”

It wasn’t an unlikely encounter, given that Hamzy was reportedly backstage at every Arkansas gig well into the new millennium. “She’s a legend in Little Rock,” said Chris King, owner of the local music venue Sticky Fingerz.

In 2010, she told Howard Stern, “Every now and then I give a good blowjob to somebody coming through town, but all the damn venues around here hassle me all the time.” Apparently because of her age, which she said was considered “inappropriate.”

Howard asked if Connie ever felt insulted that the rockers just passed her around like a plate of potatoes. “Well, a plate of good potatoes,” she replied.

Connie Hamzy, now 63, was back in the news in October of 2016, when she rehashed the sexual episode with Bill Clinton. She took a polygraph test about the alleged Clinton scandal and mailed the results over to Donald Trump’s campaign, who she gave her full support to.

This is Connie now.

“Rock and Roll devours it’s own young.” – Phicklephilly

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Stashing Might Be The Worst Dating Trend Yet

You might have been ghosted, breadcrumbed, or paperclipped. But have you ever been stashed? Even if you haven’t heard the term, you might be familiar with the experience. “Stashing” is what you call it when you date someone who’s happy to spend time with you one-on-one — but they never introduce you to their friends or family. More often than not, their social media profiles don’t show any evidence that you exist. Used in a sentence, you’d tell your friend, “It’s been two months and I haven’t met a single one of his friends yet. I think he’s stashing me.”

 

Stashing is insidious because it’s pretty normal to focus on one-on-one time when you first start dating. Early on, you probably don’t think twice about this behavior. But as time goes on, your partner’s excuses for keeping your relationship weirdly private start to get more far-fetched.

His parents are in town but they’re too busy to see you because they’ve… got to go shopping. You can’t meet her friends because she doesn’t have a plus one… to happy hour. When you post a cute photo of the pair of you to your main Instagram grid, they simply share an Instagram Story that shows the bottle of wine you’re sharing… and they tag their local wine shop, but not you.

We have Metro UK writer Ellen Scott to thank for coining this oh-so-useful dating term back in 2017. Her definition: “Stashing is a super fun dating trend in which someone is dating someone else, but has decided to hide them away from everyone in their life… A victim of stashing is hidden from every other part of the stasher’s life – from their tagged photos to their casual chats with their parents. Why? Because that way, they’re able to pretend that they’re not really dating the person they’re stashing, meaning they can justify getting with other people, doing whatever they fancy, and being generally inconsiderate and awful.”

The term clearly resonated, because it was quickly covered by Cosmopolitan, the New York Post, and even the Today Show. And today, the behavior, if not the word, is getting new attention thanks to a TikTok trend. In it, people lip sync to a 2016 parody song by comedy rap duo Emmanuel and Phillip Hudson, “Questions Part 3,” while scrolling through an Instagram feed (often a celebrity’s, but sometimes someone they’re actually involved with).

The song begins: “I just think it’s funny, we’ve been talking for so long but no one knows I exist / I was scrolling through your IG, why we ain’t got no pics / You tryna keep us a secret, why you ain’t posting me? / Oh I get it, you don’t want your other hoes to see.” Sounds like stashing, all right.

While being stashed can make you suspect your partner is dating other people and trying to keep you in the dark, it is possible something less nefarious is going on. Maybe your partner just moved to your city and they don’t have many friends or family nearby to introduce you to in the first place.

Still, if you think you’re being “stashed” and it bothers you, ask your partner about it. Say something like, “I’d love to meet your friends,” and see how they respond. Think of it as something like the define the relationship talk. While it’s probably nerve-wracking to have the conversation, in the end, at least you’ll know where you stand. And if that doesn’t work, you can always make a TikTok about it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly