5 Things You Need to Think About Before Breaking up With Your Partner

Breaking up is difficult, no matter what.

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Are you wondering how to break up with someone you’ve been with for a while now? Do you want to end your relationship without any regret or heartbreak?

Are you mostly sure that the person you are with is not the person for you? Are you desperately trying to figure out whether you are doing the right thing?

Breaking up with someone you love (but may no longer be in love with) is difficult for everyone involved. You need to be fully aware that if you don’t do this right, you could leave the other person devastated and heartbroken.

Ending a relationship without regret is fully possible. In an ideal world, every relationship would end without regrets and with your head held high.

Here are 5 things to remember when you want to break up with someone and end your relationship with no regret.

1. Make sure that you give it your best shot

When you want to end a relationship without regret, it’s very important to make sure that you do everything in your power to make it work.

Many people walk away from relationships without really doing honest work. They leave because their guy doesn’t understand their feelings or their girl won’t let them go out with the guys on the weekends.

In the words of Arianna Grande, “Thank you, next.”

But, what if there is a hidden gem under that surface issue that you don’t see because you just up and walk away from a relationship? What if your guy doesn’t understand your feelings but he loves you madly and would love to figure out how to do it but he needs you to show him?

My boyfriend once said to me, in the face of my sadness, “I don’t know what to do!!!” And he didn’t. He had a better idea once I showed him.

So, make sure you aren’t breaking up with someone because of some surface sentiment. Do the work, dig deep, talk to your person about the things that are frustrating you and see if you can fix them so you can continue moving forward together.

Wouldn’t you hate to see your person with someone else, being the person that you wanted them to be but never asked?

2. Do it for the right reasons

Make sure, when you are thinking about how to end a relationship without regret, that you are doing it for the right reasons. If you are ending your relationship because there is someone else, don’t. The grass isn’t always greener, no matter how amazing it looks right now.

If you are ending your relationship because your friends or family tell you that you should, don’t. This is your relationship and you need to figure out if this is the person for you.

If you are ending your relationship because your person doesn’t make enough money or isn’t hot enough or listens to weird music, don’t. Just because someone doesn’t fit society’s ideal of the perfect person, that doesn’t mean they might not be the perfect person for you.

Make sure that you are ending your relationship for the right reasons, that you have given it thought and know that this person is not the right person for you. If you don’t, you might always regret it!

3. Don’t be a ghost

If you want to end a relationship and feel good about it, don’t disappear.

Ghosting seems to be the thing these days — men and women disappearing without a word to their partner. Whether it be because they are scared to face someone or they are too lazy to deal or they are just too busy, people just vanish, never to be heard from again.

And, while this might feel good at the moment, I can promise you that someday, you will regret it.

You will regret treating someone with so little respect, knowing that you have hurt them deeply and that you could have done things differently.

Once you ghost someone, you can’t take it back. You will always be the person who did that.

So, if you are considering ghosting your person, don’t. I can promise you that you will regret it — big time — someday.

4. Allow them to speak their piece

When you are breaking up with someone it is important for them to be able to have a conversation with you about your decision to end the relationship.

People like to process breakups and whether the relationship ending abruptly or died a slow death, it is important that each of you get the opportunity to talk about it with the other.

I am not saying that it needs to be hashed out over and over and over but giving each other the chance to say what needs to be said is a very important piece of ending a relationship without regret.

5. Do unto others

If you are still wondering how to end a relationship without regret, here is the gold standard for doing so.

The very best way to end a relationship without regret is by treating your person the way you would want to be treated.

That is not to say that if you aren’t the kind of person who doesn’t want to process a breakup verbally, you don’t let your partner do that. I am sure that, if the shoe was on the other foot, you would want to be treated with kindness and respect. You wouldn’t want your person to disappear or talk about you behind your back. You would like to speak your piece and move on.

So, think carefully about how you would feel if someone was breaking up with you and how you would want to be treated in the process.

Thinking about how to end a relationship without regret ahead of time is an excellent way to ensure that your relationship ends well.

Having regret about the end of a relationship is something that you will have to live with forever. And I can promise you, from first-hand experience, you don’t want that and the broken heart that comes with it.

So, make sure that you don’t give up too quickly, that you don’t disappear, that you are doing it for the right reasons and that you allow them to say what they need to say.

If you do these things, you will be able to move forward with a clear conscience and find the love of your life.

Good luck! You can do it!

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. She works with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world. 

 

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Surprise: Highly Religious Couples Have a Better Sex Life, Survey Finds

Couples who are highly religious are more likely to be satisfied with their sex life than those who are less religious or who claim no religion, according to a new report.

The World Family Map report by the Institute for Family Studies was based on 9,566 interviews in 11 countries.

“There is a strong association between shared regular participation in a religious community and both relationship quality and sexual satisfaction in our sample of married and cohabiting heterosexual couples,” says the report, which was released this month.

“While both women and men in highly religious couples reported significantly higher overall relationship quality and satisfaction with their sex life, the results in both cases were strongest for women in these couples. In fact, women in highly religious relationships are about 50% more likely to report that they are strongly satisfied with their sexual relationship than their secular and less religious counterparts,” it says.

The report placed couples into three groups. “Highly religious” couples were defined as those who attend services at least 2-3 times a month. “Less/mixed” religious couples were those who attend services once per month or less, or that include one partner who regularly attends and another partner who rarely or never attends. “Shared secular” couples were those who never attend religious services.

“We also found that married couples reported significantly higher levels of relationship quality than cohabiting couples,” the report says.

The National Review’s David French said the report provides a stark contrast to the conventional wisdom in the entertainment world.

“How many happy, sexually vibrant religious married couples have you seen on popular television shows or movies — even in this era of fragmented, targeted entertainment?” he asked in a Wednesday column. “Now, compare that number (which is very, very close to zero) with the number of times you’ve seen liberation from religion portrayed as the key to sexual fulfillment.”

Sexual liberation, he wrote, “has all too often” brought “neither sex nor liberation.”

“[T]hanks to the work of the IFS, we can respond to felt need with real data,” French wrote. “Are you seeking love in this life? The church doors are always open, and while matchmaking isn’t its purpose, the connection to a holy God carries with it connection to his flawd people, and in those connections you can find profound joy.”

The 11 countries surveyed were Argentina, Australia, Chile, Canada, Colombia, France, Ireland, Mexico, Peru, the United Kingdom and the United States. The World Family Map report only included data from married or cohabitating heterosexual couples.

 

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Tales of Rock – Alice Cooper Reveals How Jesus Saved His Life

Alice Cooper is a complicated individual. A world-famous musician, certainly, known for his shocking performances and focus on rock and metal.

But that’s not how he started out. And as he prepares for his role as King Harod on NBC’s live version of “Jesus Christ Superstar,” he’s telling more of his backstory.

When he started seriously focusing on music in the late 60s, Cooper quickly fell to the pull of alcohol. Not unusual for celebrities and musicians, but dangerous no matter what your career.

“Everything that could go wrong was shutting down inside of me,” Cooper told Confidential. “I was drinking with Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix and trying to keep up with Keith Moon and they all died at 27.”

Alice Cooper Reveals How Jesus Saved His Life on Night He Was Throwing up Blood 40 Years Ago

Almost 40 years ago — 37 to be exact — the performer had a major turning point. A come-to-Jesus moment, if you will.

After years of heavy drinking and trashing his body, Cooper woke himself up by vomiting blood. While that would be concerning for anyone, Cooper knew why it was happening.

Cooper also knew what it meant he would have to do. After being authoritatively denounced as an alcoholic, he stopped drinking.

Stopping on its own is challenging, especially if you’re a habitual drinker, but Cooper said he also never had the desire to drink again.

Why? He said it was because of God.

“My wife and I are both Christian. My father was a pastor, my grandfather was an evangelist. I grew up in the church, went as far away as I could from it — almost died — and then came back to the church.”

That trend could describe many individuals. There are plenty of parents, friends, and relatives grieving the falling-away of loved ones. But perhaps it was Cooper’s foundation in Christianity that gave him stability when nothing else could.

He clearly has a lot of respect for his dad, and no doubt his father’s words rang in his ears during his darkest times.

“He could preach all day, keep you interested, tell jokes,” he said about his father in a 2011 interview. “I got that from him. He also loved music: Sinatra and Elvis.”

“When the Beatles came along, I was surprised when he went, ‘Yeah, they’re pretty good,’ because other parents were going, ‘Oh, no’. And my mom only worried about the lifestyle: ‘You’re gonna get caught up in drugs, you’re gonna get 20 girls pregnant.’”

Some people have had a hard time lining up Cooper’s appearance and life with standard Christian values, but he has words for them.

“There’s nothing in Christianity that says I can’t be a rock star. People have a very warped view of Christianity. They think it’s all very precise and we never do wrong and we’re praying all day and we’re right-wing. It has nothing to do with that. It has to do with a one-on-one relationship with Jesus Christ.”

Alice Cooper Reveals How Jesus Saved His Life on Night He Was Throwing up Blood 40 Years Ago

 

He’s also been faithful to his Christian wife, and the two still love each other after all these years.

“My wife is a ballet teacher so she is very organized,” he said in 2011. “I’m the spontaneous one – she never knows what’s coming, except that I’m gonna be home and I’m gonna be sober. After that, there might be a ticket to Jamaica in there.”

 

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9 Uncomfortable Things That Can Actually Make Your Relationship Stronger

While it’d be nice if things were always easy in relationships, the truth is you will have tough conversations with your partner, and go through less-than-ideal moments as a couple. And it won’t always be fun. But it’s important to keep in mind that, in many cases, these uncomfortable situations can actually make your relationship stronger.

This might include talking about sex, being honest about your pet peeves, and even chatting about money. “So many couples are scared to address difficult topics [like these] because they’re afraid they mean incompatibility or, worse yet, a breakup,” Dr. Adi Jaffe, PhD, a mental health expert and relationship counselor, tells Bustle. “But couples who can have these conversations in a constructive manner last longer, have better intimacy, and are less likely to develop a disdain for one another.”

And the same is true for potentially uncomfortable situations, such as your first argument, meeting each other’s parents, and so on. The best way to weather these moments as a couple is by being open and honest, and remaining aware that — in many ways — they can actually bring you closer together. Read on for a few ways to cope with these potentially uncomfortable situations, as well as why experts say they can make your relationship stronger.

1. Talking About Money

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

Few people actually enjoy talking about money. And yet, for the health of your relationship, you’ll want to chat early and often about your financial goals, debts, how you’ll want to split bills, and so on.

After all, “money concerns continue to be one of the main reasons for divorce,” licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Catalina Lawsin, PhD, tells Bustle. Couples don’t always see eye-to-eye when it comes to spending or saving, and it can be a big source of tension.

And yet, you can not only prevent misunderstandings, but also make your relationship stronger, by being more honest with each other. Talking about money can be tough, but it’s necessary so that nobody feels frustrated or misunderstood.

2. Sharing Your Pet Peeves

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

If your partner does something that truly annoys you, and you just can’t let it go, talking about it may be the best course of action.

“Most partners simply ignore these or end up bringing them up in a fight, which never really leads to a great outcome,” Dr. Jaffe says. You might find yourselves yelling about something really simple — like how to divvy up chores — because you’ve been letting your anger brew.

Instead, have these conversations before they boil over by being honest about what makes you uncomfortable or gives you anxiety, Dr. Jaffe says. And you might just notice that you feel closer to your partner as a result.

3. Talking About Sex

Ashley Batz/Bustle

“This topic is so commonly not addressed in relationships because people are embarrassed and/or ashamed to bring it up,” Dr. Jaffe says. “The thinking is either ‘we will figure it out,’ or the hope is that you’ll be compatible. But having this conversation explicitly can do wonders to a relationship.”

Once you sit down and talk about what you both do and don’t like in bed, you can have better sex. But even more importantly, you might find that having an “embarrassing” conversation like this one actually makes you feel closer together, Dr. Jaffe says.

4. Having Your First Argument

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

While it can be a bit jarring to have your first argument, this uncomfortable moment can actually mark the beginning of a deeper connection, licensed psychologist Heather Z. Lyons, PhD, tells Bustle.

“If one or both members of the couple are willing to rock the boat that means it’s important to them that they get the relationship right and make it a relationship that’s sustainable over the long-term,” Dr. Lyons says. So instead of feeling uncomfortable, try to see this argument for what it really is. And make it positive.

“Attempt to listen to each other non-defensively,” Dr. Lyons says. “Even if you don’t agree with your partner try to hear why the issue is important to them.” Doing so will set you on the right course for arguing in a healthy way, going forward.

5. Saying What’s On Your Mind

Ashley Batz/Bustle

Learning how to speak up in a relationship, and being honest about what you want, might feel weird at first. But it can make for a better connection.

“It can save so much time and energy to practice just saying exactly what it is that you want,” licensed psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson, MA, MFT, ATR, tells Bustle. And it also saves you both from having to guess what’s on your partner’s mind — and vice versa — which is a game nobody likes to play.

6. Meeting The Parents

Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

It’s common to feel uncomfortable when you meet your partner’s parents, or when they meet yours. There can be some tension, and maybe a little bit of awkwardness, especially if your family doesn’t always say the right thing. But nothing brings a couples closer together quite like weathering this milestone together.

“The first meeting can be uncomfortable,” Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist, tells Bustle. “But the discomfort associated with meeting new people and trying to make a positive impression can be an important part of growing as a couple.”

And this is especially true if you decide to keep things light, while also arming your partner with any need-to-know info before you go in. Is there one family member who always says the wrong thing? Let your partner know, Dr. O’Reilly says, so they won’t be thrown off.

7. Talking About Kids

LightField Studio/Shutterstock

“So many people don’t talk about this and just assume their partner does or does not want kids or believes they know when their partner wants kids,” Jeannie Assimos, chief of advice at eharmony, tells Bustle. And yet, you’ll want to have a heart-to-heart in order to truly know what you both want.

It can be a tricky topic to bring up, especially if it’s one of the first serious conversations you have. But Assimos says it’s an important one to address, so that you can both be on the same page.

8. Defining Your Relationship

fizkes/Shutterstock

Have you had the “defining the relationship” conversation? If not, you may feel a bit uncomfortable getting real about where you’re currently at. “But, this conversation is so important early on,” Assismos says. “It gives you both the opportunity to set goals with each other and truly define where you stand.” The fewer questions you have, the closer you’ll feel.

9. Talking About Your Insecurities

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

It can be tough to let your guard down and be honest about your insecurities. But even though it may feel weird, this is such an important thing to do when it comes to strengthening a relationship, Rose Skeeters, LPC, PN2, NCC, tells Bustle.

You might, for example, want to talk about any jealousies you have. “In making the decision to talk with your partner, you are showing them that you are on their team and that, when you have something on your mind that is bothering you, you can openly discuss it in a rational and calm way, rather than letting it fester and build resentment for a future fight,” Skeeters says.

And the same is true for other tough topics, including setting boundaries. As Skeeters says, “It is the discomfort that accompanies these conversations that strengthens a relationship as it allows your partner to see you for who you are and for you to see them for who they are in an honest and raw way.”

It’s not always easy to get through these moments as a couple, but once you come out the other side, there’s a good chance you’ll feel closer than ever.

 

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One in seven young Australians say rape justified if women change their mind, study finds

Appalling!

Almost one in seven young Australians believe a man would be justified in raping a woman if she initiated sex but changed her mind, while almost one-quarter of young men think women find it flattering to be persistently pursued, even if they are not interested.

The findings from the National Community Attitudes Towards Violence Against Women Survey (NCAS) youth report released on Wednesday reveal that while young people increasingly believe in equality in the workplace and in leadership, they are less likely to recognise sexism, coercion or other problematic behaviours in their own relationships.

Of 1,761 people aged between 16 and 24 surveyed, 43% supported the statement: “I think it’s natural for a man to want to appear in control of his partner in front of his male friends.”

The survey, commissioned by Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women and Safety (Anrows) and VicHealth, is conducted every four years. The latest analysis comes from data collected in 2017.

While the proportion of young people agreeing that men make better political leaders than women declined from 24% in 2013 to 13% in 2017, almost one in three young people still believe that women prefer a man to be in charge of a relationship. Young men (36%) were more likely to support this statement than young women (26%).

More than one in five young people (22%) believe there is no harm in making sexist jokes about women when among their male friends, and young men (30%) are more than two times as likely than young women to agree with this statement (14%). While attitudes towards women in leadership had improved, young men (17%) were more likely than young women (8%) to say men make more capable bosses than women.

“A large proportion of young people support attitudes that deny gender inequality is a problem,” the report found. “Young men are substantially more likely to express these attitudes than young women across all questions in this theme.” For example, 45% of young people believe that many women exaggerate gender inequality in Australia, with young men (52%) more likely to hold this belief than young women (37%).

Nearly three in five young men believe that many women mistakenly interpret innocent remarks or acts as being sexist. Meanwhile, 37% agreed that women make up or exaggerate claims of violence to secure advantage in custody battles. The same proportion agreed with the statement “It is common for sexual assault accusations to be used as a way of getting back at men”, with young men (45%) more likely to agree than young women (29%).

Lead researcher Dr Anastasia Powell from RMIT University said the good news was that young people’s understanding of the nature of violence against women had improved over time, and so had their support for gender equality.

But an area where understanding has backtracked was around the unequal nature of domestic and family violence, she said.

“A lot of young people believe it’s a gender-neutral issue where men and women are equally using violence, but we know from police statistics and surveys this is largely a problem of men’s violence against women.”

Also concerning was that 20% of young men did not understand that repeatedly keeping track of a partner’s location was a form of violence against women, she said, while 11% did not think stalking is a form of violence.

“We must continue to invest in prevention strategies to continue to make ground on these attitudes and to make this the generation that ends violence against women,” Powell said.

The principal program officer for mental wellbeing at VicHealth, Renee Imbesi, said: “We can’t sit back just because women’s role in public life has improved.

“Many people still hold outdated views of women in the home, and it is clear that many young men and women are going into relationships with different expectations around things like gender roles and consent.

“We need to get the message out there that control in relationships can be a precursor to violence. The other aspect is if young people see more respect and equality in their own families and workplaces, then they will start to see that as the norm.

“If we don’t change our world to make it more gender equal, we can’t expect young people to be on board with equality.”

 

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More Love For Legs

“Like someone once said, it’s about where legs lead.”

I’m a leg man through and through. 

Here are some words from some of my male followers on the subject of female propulsion.

 

On an objective note, keeping aside other aspects, here are the things I look for in a woman –

1.Fitness (calves and thighs)
2.Cleanliness (nails)
3.Grooming (waxed)
4.Beauty (fair)
5.Less Hair? (gives an idea of the other body areas too if you know what I mean & no post waxing dots :O)

Legs give me a pretty good idea about all the above. Esp in high heels

1)
Reasons are biological, aesthetic, and cultural.

2)
All parts of women have the potential to attract men. This is due to biology. Humans have a sense of aesthetics. Aesthetics is a part of mathematics and is independent of biology or culture. Culture creates habits and attitudes. All those factors control the expression of interest.

3)
Culture determines whether men get to see legs of women and are able to develop habits related to interest in them. In some conservative cultures the legs of women are kept covered up, but even in the free societies legs of women are subject to aesthetic rules. In the free societies fat, contorted, or hairy legs of women would not normally be considered attractive even if visible.

Like someone once said, it’s about where legs lead. I’ve never been particularly attracted to boobs, but pretty, shapely legs leading to a nice butt will get me every time.

Legs, eyes and hair guy here. Something about these 3 features just strikes me, rather than listing over boobs and female bum, but they don’t come too much further down the list ;). It’s just the luscious shape of the female legs, they connect to the hips and the hips are wider than ours for child bearing reasons, there’s your answer. I don’t mean ridiculously wide hips either, they are just a certain shape especially with a smaller waist sitting just above.

For me, a women’s legs can hold the same erotic cache as her secondary sex characteristics. So much of our (my?) sexual triggers are formed during adolescence; when I was growing up, the key to my earliest sexual arousals were those elements that differentiated women from girls. Women were sexy, while girls held no particular sexual interest because they looked essentially like boys. So what aroused me, and most of the other young boys I knew, were things that made a woman no longer a little girl: larger breasts, pubic hair, and fully developed, curvy legs. The length of a woman’s legs didn’t make much difference. In fact, for some unknown reason, I greatly prefer shorter women’s legs, perhaps because they often have more pronounced variation between the joints and the muscle—shape! This sexual maturity factor has been a constant throughout my 50+ years: like many men, larger breasts hold special allure; but I also find a woman’s body hair incredibly sexy as well, especially pubic, arm and leg hair.

I think part of it, at least for me, is that for women legs represent both physical strength and physical fitness. Women tend to have strong lower body strength, which I find appealing. I have noticed when lifting weights that for squats, leg presses, etc., women often lift amounts comparable to what the men lift, sometimes more, and that really draws my interest/attention, particularly to their legs. Perhaps this sexual appeal concerning legs and lower body strength is an evolutionary trait has something to do with an increased likelihood that stronger women will better bear children, but that is just speculation on my part.

personally l love legs because they define a girl’s love with her own body. They are the only ones that can really distinguish the true nature of a girl. Legs are their only body parts that makeup fails to hide their ugliness. even with makeup physical fitness of legs can also be shown by legs by looking at how skinny or fat the legs are. This to some extent reveals how athletic a girl is. Chubby legs are often associated with stiff women which in most cases men do not like. In conclusion it all leads to how flexible you are in bed and how much do you love your body.

 

 

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Medical Minute: Sex Addiction

Jada Pinkett Smith is opening up about her “unhealthy” addiction to pornography before she met her husband Will Smith.

The 47-year-old actress revealed her addiction on the latest episode of her popular web series Red Table Talk.

Jada said she had an “unhealthy relationship to porn” when she was “trying to practice abstinence.”

“It was actually, like, filling, like, an emptiness. At least you think it is, but it’s actually not,” Jada said.

She said the intense effects of her addiction gave her a false sense of expectations as far as sexual interactions.

“Actually reading, like, some of the effects of pornography, like the idea that it gives you false expectations as far as sexual interactions, I can definitely see that with men,” Jada said.

“In pornography you’re never tired. There’s never a ‘no,’ so I can definitely see how that can create an unrealistic expectation.”

 

What is Sex Addiction?

Sex addiction is the repeated, compulsive participation in sexual activity, particularly sexual intercourse or anal penetration, despite negative consequences.

Like most addictions, the negative impact on the addict usually increases as the disorder progresses.

Over time, the addict has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results.

Viewing porn or pleasuring yourself daily does not necessarily mean you are a sex addict.

Like food, sex is necessary for human survival. A healthy abundant sex life is normal. In fact, lack of interest in sex can indicate a medical problem or psychiatric illness, according to Psych Central.

About 71 percent of child molesters are sex addicts. Their urges and desires to increase the intensity of their predilection for children is so severe that life imprisonment is the only way to ensure society’s safety against them.

Not all sex addicts become sex offenders. About 55 percent of all sex offenders are sex addicts.

Access to the Internet is increasing the number of individuals – including children and teenagers – who engage in a variety of unhealthy sexual practices, such as viewing porn websites, online escort services and dating websites.

Signs and Symptoms

Signs and Symptoms of sex addiction include:

  • Self hate or self harm
  • A pervasive preoccupation with sex or porn
  • Practicing unsafe sex without regard for consequences
  • Sexual fantasies that need to be fed more and more
  • Excessive masturbation
  • Inability to maintain healthy sexual relationships
  • Feeling powerless without sex
  • Exploiting others for sex

Sex addiction becomes a problem when it affects your social life, your job, and your medical and mental health.

People who are distressed or conflicted by their increasing addiction to porn or sex should contact their physician or healthcare provider for a referral to a mental health professional who can help you.

This has been your Medical Minute.

More Info On the Web

What is Sexual Addiction? | Psych Central

Is Sex Addiction Real? | WebMD

What is Sex Addiction? | Healthline

 

DISCLAIMER

Any medical information published on this blog is for your general information only and is not intended as a substitute for informed medical advice. You should not take any action before consulting with your personal physician or a health care provider. Phicklephilly and its affiliates cannot be held liable for any damages incurred by following information found on this blog.

 

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