How To Ask A New Partner If They Have An STI (Without It Being Weird) – Part 2

Don’t just ask “have you been tested?”

Unfortunately, the tried and true method of asking “have you been tested?” doesn’t always give you complete information, since not everyone gets the same STI tests, not all STIs can be tested for, and many people are confused about interpreting their results.

It doesn’t need to be a great deal more complicated than that, though. Just follow the question up with some specifics, Manduley said.

“Some of the information you should consider asking is what STIs they were tested for, what the results were (and if anything came back positive, if they completed treatment for it), when that last test date was, and what protection they’ve used in sex since then.”

Don’t think, “we’re using a condom, we’re good!”

If you’re using a condom, you’re playing it a lot safer than those who rely on the pullout method alone. But just because you slipped on a rubber doesn’t mean you’re free and clear. (Sorry!)

As Huizenga told us, condoms alone are effective at preventing STIs that are transmitted through bodily fluids, like gonorrhea and chlamydia, but they provide less protection against those that spread through skin-to-skin contact, like human papillomavirus (genital warts), genital herpes and syphilis.

He tells patients who are single or have multiple partners to get comprehensive screenings done on a yearly or biyearly basis.

That makes having the pre-sex talk so much easier; If you’ve been recently tested, you can offer up your own test results to normalize the experience or make your partner feel less shy about doing it themselves.

“When partners fully disclose STD status ― even exchanging recent lab testing ― it provides clear informed consent on multiple levels,” Huizenga said. “In the spirit of honesty, equality and transparency, I think both partners should exchange this information prior to intimacy.”

If the person says, “I’m not sure,” aim for the highest level of protection you can manage.

If your partner’s response to questions about STIs is along the lines of, “hmm, I’m not sure,” protect yourself as much as possible. That might mean postponing sex ― that can be sexy in itself ― or using as many relevant barriers and forms of protection as possible. Maybe you don’t go “all the way,” but hey, some of the way is still loads of fun.

“If they’re not sure, you might use internal condoms, external condoms, dental dams, gloves or have sex that offers a lower risk profile ― something that limits fluid exchange and limits contact between mucous membranes,” Manduley said.

If this is a more long-term thing, Manduley suggests getting tested together. But in the heat of the moment, keep your response casual and relaxed.

“You can say something like, ‘thanks for telling me!’ and then segue into another activity,” Manduley said. “For example, ‘Well, since you’re not sure, I don’t think you should come in my mouth, but I would love it if you came on my chest,’ or ‘Since you’re not sure, let’s play it safe this time and only use our hands. I can’t wait to touch you.’”

Take a deep breath: This conversation is probably going to go over better than you think.

This is obviously a heavy, potentially uncomfortable topic, but if handled with casualness and tact, it’ll probably play out a lot smoother than you expect. (Plus, major brownie points for being so sexually responsible.)

“Shockingly, I have had patient after patient tell me how surprised they were about how well received these open pre-sex talk was by prospective partners,” Huizenga said. “Counterintuitively, it didn’t kill the mood, it actually made them more, not less, sexually desirable.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

How To Ask A New Partner If They Have An STI (Without It Being Weird) – Part 1

We get it: No one likes to talk about sexually transmitted infections. If things are getting hot and heavy, nothing tosses a bucket of cold water over a sexual encounter quite like saying “STI.”

But in the age of super gonorrhea, it’s super important we have these conversations. Last year, we heard the first reports of super gonorrhea, a strain of the disease so gnarly it’s resistant to the antibiotic drugs usually prescribed to treat it. Oh, joy.

That’s not the only STI you have to worry about. The U.S. has the highest STI rates in the industrialized world, and it’s only getting worse. Nearly 2.3 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were diagnosed in the U.S. in 2017, surpassing the record set in 2016 by more than 200,000, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported in August. (FYI: We’re using STI here as opposed to STD because not all sexually transmitted infections turn into a disease.)

“It’s scary because a shockingly high percentage of Americans know little, if anything, about STDs and STIs,” said Robert Huizenga, a physician and the author of “Sex, Lies and STDS.” “Few people have any idea what early STD symptoms to look out for, even if symptoms do occur, because many STDs present with no symptoms.”

How are we going to get our abysmal STI rates down if we don’t feel comfortable talking openly and honestly about our sexual health with our partners?

Part of the blame for the uptick in STIs lies in our incredibly lax use of contraceptives. A 2017 National Health Statistics Report found that condom use in the U.S. has declined among sexually active young people, with many opting to use the pullout method instead.

The rate of men who say they use withdrawal ― pulling out a partner’s vagina before ejaculating ― increased from about 10% in 2002 to 19% by 2015, according to a recent study published by the National Center for Health Statistics.

Half-assed methods of protection aside, we’re also dealing with a lack of transparency and conversation about STIs. How are we going to get our abysmal STI rates down if we don’t feel comfortable talking openly and honestly about our sexual health with our partners?

Ideally, your new S.O. or hookup buddy will alert you to any hiccups in their sexual history before you have to bring it up. (If you have an STI, we wrote a very helpful primer on how to tell your partner about it, which you can read here.)

But in the event that they don’t, it’s 100% worth speaking up. Below, sexual health educators share their best advice on how to broach the subject in a way that isn’t a total mood killer.

Ideally, bring it up before things start to heat up.

If you have the luxury of time ― say, you’ve been dating this person for a bit and have yet to have sex ― have this convo before you get naked. Avoid any potential awkwardness by employing the “sandwich method” of communication: Share something positive about your budding relationship, then share something you’re worried about (cough, cough STIs), then follow it up with another positive.

“Maybe you start by telling them how much you like them,” said Janet Brito, a psychologist and sex therapist at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health in Honolulu. “Then, say something like ’I really value our relationship, and want to take it to the next level. Do you, too?’”

If they agree, say something like, “Great … I’m a little nervous about having this conversation, but maybe we should talk a little bit about our sexual health, like when was the last time we each were tested?”

Don’t end the train of thought there, though. “Tell them, ‘The last thing I want to do is to kill the mood in the moment. I find you really attractive and really want to do this.’” Brito suggested.

At this point, hopefully, the rest of the conversation will be smooth sailing.

Go into the conversation with this mindset: STIs are incredibly common, so avoid shame-filled language when you bring it up.

If we talk about STIs at all, it’s usually as the punchline for a stupid joke or headlines about “herp alerts at Coachella.” The jokes and puns not only stigmatize those with STIs, they downplay how incredibly common the infections are.

More than one in six adults in the U.S. are living with herpes, according to the CDC, and one in two sexually active persons will contract an STI in their lifetime.

With that knowledge, broach the conversation without using shame-filled language, said Boston sex educator Aida Manduley.

“Asking your partner ‘are you clean?’ shames people for getting infections,” she said. “Regardless of why or how they got infected, STI stigma is terrible for public health.”

Instead, Manduley recommends saying something like, “I’m so ready to have sex with you, and I want to figure out what type of protection we should use before we start!”

“These conversations don’t have to be super serious and sterile,” she said. “Feel free to make them juicy, weird, funny, whatever works for you. And if you’re nervous, practice beforehand so it sounds more natural in the heat of the moment.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Six Things Every Man Who Dates Transgender Women Needs To Know

We’ve brought in a guest writer to address this subject. I’d like to invite more people from the LGBT community to guest post on phicklephilly.

Dear Boyfriends,

This is a love letter to each and every one of you.

This is a letter to let you know that I still think about everything we did and will do together, everything we’ve talked about, every fight we had, and every tender moment we’re going to share.

This is a letter to P, who was always gentle. It’s a letter to M, so curious and kind, if occasionally thoughtless. To S – with whom the sex was freaking unbelievable. To J, always punning and making me laugh; and to E, who is always truthful.

This is a letter to all the men, both cisgender and transgender, who have ever loved me, and to all the men I will ever love.

I want you to know that you change my life and give me strength – even when things between us were/are hard. I want you to know that I see you, I appreciate you, even when I am challenging you to treat women like me – trans women and women of color – better than men in this society are taught to.

I know that being a man who is dating a trans woman (who is outspoken and only sometimes passes) is not always an easy thing. Let’s also take as a given the fact that being a trans woman who is outspoken and only sometimes passes is pretty much never easy thing.

Both of these things are true because of the transmisogyny that still runs rampant in our society and the communities we live in. And while this discrimination and hatred is mainly leveled toward girls like me, I know that some of it is reflected onto you as well.

This is something that is so, so hard to talk about. It’s something has remained unspoken, yet incredibly real, between us, as it does between so many trans women and the men they date.

Part of the difficulty, I know, is that you may not want to admit that being attracted to, going out with, and having sex with trans women comes with intense social stigma.

Another part is that trans feminists like myself believe that any discussion of transmisogyny must center around trans women ourselves. I don’t agree with Laverne Cox (for once in my life) when she says that men who date trans women “are probably more stigmatized than trans women.”

Because that is blatantly untrue.

Men who date trans women are not murdered regularly the way that we are. You don’t experience employment and housing discrimination or exclusion from social spaces in the way that we do.

But neither can I pretend that you live your life totally free from the violence and humiliation that a transmisogynistic culture attaches to my body – a body that you have touched and held and become associated with.

And as much as we may wish that things were different, you and I know that there are so many walls that lie in the way of our loving each other. These barriers have caused us to question ourselves, and our relationships.

Often, we fought about them. Sometimes, we broke up because of them.

You shouldn’t have to learn how to fight transphobia and shaming in order to be with me. I shouldn’t have to teach you how. But the truth is, this is world that often necessitates both.

Whether I like it or not, I am in this fight to the end. I have to be.

You, however, have a choice: your privilege allows you to choose whether you want to walk away from the struggle that is loving trans women, or stay fighting with us.

And if you should choose the latter – and I hope you do – then there are a few things I need you to know about shame, loving trans women, and loving yourself.

1. Dating Me Doesn’t Change Your Sexual Orientation

A huge amount of the stigma around straight men who date trans women is actually based in homophobia. Straight men who are attracted to us are called “f*ggots” and “h*mos,” and may have their heterosexuality called into question.

The implication here being that trans women aren’t really women, so if a man dates us, that means he’s gay.

Conversely, gay men often shy away from dating us – even if they want to – because they “aren’t supposed to be into women.”

And most anyone who dates trans women is at least occasionally subjected to the notion that they’re “into freaky stuff.”

Freaky stuff meaning, of course, women like me.

Past, present, and future boyfriends, I need to tell you something: If you identify as straight, then you can date trans women. If you are bisexual, you can date trans women. If you are gay, pansexual, omnisexual, or asexual, you can date trans women, and it doesn’t change your identity one little bit unless you want it to, because you know what?

You and only you get to decide how to define your sexual orientation.

2. Dating Me Doesn’t Make You ‘Abnormal’

I sometimes meet men who believe (or have been told) that their being attracted to trans women is a form of mental illness. Some of you are, or have been, those men.

Most often, you have absorbed this message from the media: How many Hollywood comedies feature jokes where a straight man finds out that he’s been dating or having sex with a trans woman and flat-out vomits? How many tabloid stories proclaim that a male celebrity has been caught with a trans woman as though this were shocking, sensational news?

More rarely, though still frighteningly often, they have been explicitly told this by a religious/spiritual leader or a health professional.

The implication here is that trans women are so repulsive that you would have to be “crazy” to want to be with us – which bears a striking resemblance to the idea that a person must be mentally ill if they identify with a gender different from the one they were assigned at birth.

But neither my body nor your attraction to it is disgusting or sensational or ill. My body is beautiful, and so is your love. If we are abnormal, that means only that our relationship is different from the one prescribed to us by society.

And there is nothing repulsive about that.

3. Dating Me Doesn’t Make You Less of a Man

As men who are attracted to trans women, you already know that one of most intense forms of transphobia that you will experience is an attack against your own gender identity.

Ignorant people – mostly other men – may insult your masculinity, questioning your ability to attract “real women,” and insult that ways that you have sex.

 

Cis men are not alone in this – trans men, too, are affected by the backlash that comes from dating trans women.

What you have to understand is that these attacks come from a place of fear. You, me, and our relationships are all very frightening to men whose sense of confidence and power come from reinforcing patriarchy.

The existence of romance and sexuality between a man and a transwoman is a challenge to the invisible rule stating that in order to be a “real” man, you have to “win” a cisgender woman’s companionship and sexually dominate her body.

It forces all men to question their belief in the foundations of their identity and privilege.

Remember this: Their masculinity is weak, because it relies on the subjugation of other’s bodies in order to exist. Yours is, or will be, strong, because it is learning how to stand on its own.

4. Having Sex with Me Isn’t a Fetish (Or It Shouldn’t Be)

Conventional straight couples have many love stories written about them: the prince and princess, the beauty and the beast, the hero and the damsel in distress. You and I have only one: the “tranny-chaser” and the “she-male/chick-with-a-dick.”

This story reduces us and the entirety of our relationships to nothing more than a tired old sex joke, a pornographic trope, an offensive cliché.

As trans activist/author/scientist Julia Serano writes, “People automatically presume that any person who is attracted to, or has sex with, a trans person must automatically have some kind of ‘fetish.’”

It’s true, of course, that there are some men who fetishize trans women – who want us only to fuel transmisogynist sex fantasies. I come across them all the time on OKCupid.

But you and I are much more than that. Our relationships have been deeper and more complex than any cliché could ever hope to contain.

And no amount of ridiculous jokes can ever take that from us.

5. You Don’t Have to Pity Me to Love Me

You may hear from people trying to patronize or subtly insult you that you’re “such a good person” for bearing through the difficulties of dating a trans woman.

It’s possible that you’ve received backhanded compliments on how progressive you are, since you’re willing to put up with the burden of my gender identity.

This is insulting to you and me. I am not something you have to pity in order to love. You’re not doing charity work by going out with or sleeping with me.

Our relationship is not defined by the judgments of others, or even by the violence that I – and by extension, you – experience in the world.

It’s true that you, as men, have privileges and power that I don’t. It’s true that this is something that comes between us from time to time.

But real relationships – like ours – are dynamic and transforming, constantly opening up into new dimensions. At our best, I learn from you and you, from me. We fight, we hurt each other, we heal, we grow. We leave and come back together and leave once again.

 

It isn’t your job to “save” me from transphobia. I’m doing that already.

The only person you need to save is yourself.

6. Loving Me Doesn’t Define You

Transphobia is greedy. It wants to swallow everyone and everything.

Because of this, whenever people talk about me, they usually refer to me in terms of my gender identity. I’m not a writer or a therapist or an artist. I’m “that Asian trans woman.”

And when we are dating and people talk about you, they may refer to you “that guy who’s into trans woman.”

It’s easy to be consumed by thoughts about the ignorance and hatred of the society that surrounds us.

How can we not be anxious and angry, when your families get uncomfortable when they find out who your partner is, when your friends snicker at us behind your back, when we have to be wary of violence when we go out at night?

But just as I am more than a trans woman, you are more than someone who loves trans women.

It’s your right and responsibility to decide what that means to you, what it means for your identities as men, and how you will explain (or refuse to explain) it to the people around you.

Choices like this are never easy.

But in the process of making them, you just might find a whole new truth about who you are.

This Is How You Love a Trans Woman

Dear boyfriends past and present: Thank you for being with me.

Please know that I’m not trying to either scare you off (!) of dating trans women or “sell” dating us. As you’re probably already aware (it’s not like I let you forget these things), trans women don’t need to beg men to be into us.

We really don’t.

But some trans women – like me – do want to be with men who know how to do the thing, and do it well. Which is not to say that you can’t make mistakes, or feel confused, or get overwhelmed.

We live in a world that says trans women don’t deserve love, and it will try to stop you from loving us.

Knowing how to love a trans woman is simple. You do it the way you ought to love anybody else: not fearlessly, but courageously.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly      Facebook: phicklephilly    twitter: @phicklephilly

 

Sun Stories: Summer – Astonished – Part 1

Summer has resigned from the salon. With school, and holiday winter break she’s over it. I think what happens to these girls they just get tired of all of the people who come in here to tan. Mostly the women just start to annoy them. It’s happened to a lot of the girls who have worked here.

I miss her and occasionally reach out to her because I’m fond of her. We mostly text.

“I feel like we’re drifting apart because we don’t work together anymore.”

“Aww no! I’ve been dealing with so much shit I haven’t been myself.”

 

Thursday

“Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Happy Thanksgiving!”

 

Sunday

“Hello”

“I was just telling Kita today how much I missed you. I told her I was going to text you to see if you would visit me at the salon… and here you are! How are you?”

“Ha Ha is she working there yet?”

“Not till January.”

“Ohhh Gotcha. Did Achilles leave my final pay?”

“I haven’t seen it. Should I tell him you’re coming in this week to get it?”

“Yea, or I can text him either one…. I have terrible, terrible news as well.”

“What happened, Summer?”

“Charles I’m pregnant. You can’t tell anyone though. I found out on fucking Tuesday.”

“What………………….The………………………………….FUCK?”

“Yup.”

“Do you know who the father is?” (a feeble attempt at levity in the face of great adversity)

“Jake.” (her boyfriend of two years)

“Does he know?”

“Yea. He made me take the test. I had to tell my parents and he told his.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Well there’s not much I can do. I went to the doctor to see if I could get an abortion. Guess how far along I am?”

“No idea.”

“Take a guess.”

“Two months.”

“Six months since yesterday.”

“What the fuck??? Didn’t you notice you hadn’t gotten your period in all that time?”

“My period is so messed up I haven’t gotten it in over a year. It’s always been messed up.”

“Ok. I’m stunned. So what’s the plan?”

“I don’t look it at all. And I am not sure yet.”

“Well abortion is well off the table.”

“Yea. six months. That’s a legit baby.”

“So adoption or become a mom. What do the families say?”

“They all sound like they want me to keep it.”

“Well your family can afford it and probably don’t want one of their own being raised by another family.”

“Yes, that’s very true. They said not to worry about the money.”

“That’s good… so shotgun wedding for you and Jake?”

“hahahahahahahahahah Hell no!”

“Just think he broke up with you when you were pregnant with his child! (Got back together a week later) Do you know the sex of the baby?”

“I find out Wednesday. Think about all of the drinking I did since June… We’re seeing if the baby is healthy.”

“I was just thinking about that. Oh Jeez. No birth control?”

“I was on birth control since 8th grade. My liposuction surgery fucked it up. I got pregnant two weeks after it. The antibiotics canceled it out.”

“Oh shit. I hope the baby is okay. When can I see you?”

Tomorrow I’ll come in and see you.”

“Okay. see you then, Summer.”

 

Well let’s see where this journey takes poor Summer!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly           Facebook: phicklephilly   

Beautician says Sperm is the Key to Glowing Skin

  • The beautician says it’s one of her secret weapons for fighting acne and wrinkles.

A celebrity facialist to the stars has revealed her secret weapon for fresh, glowing skin: human semen.

Chelsee Lewis, who has been in the beauty industry for over 22 years, says she’s worked with celebrities like Stella McCartney and Gwyneth Paltrow.

Penning a guide to skincare for the Daily Mail, Lewis revealed some of her best kept secrets – including applying sperm to reduce acne and wrinkles.

“Sexual intercourse helps the stress hormone but also helps to balance the hormones and improve collagen production. But you can go one step further with a sperm mask. Yes, you heard right!” she wrote for the news outlet.

“Using your partner’s sperm as a mask is full of a compound called spermine, which is an antioxidant which can help reduce wrinkles, smooth the skin, prevent acne or spots and give you overall healthy-looking skin.”

Lewis is not the first to promote sperm facials. Former Cosmopolitan editor-in-chief Helen Gurley Brown famously advised women to “spread semen over your face [because it’s] probably full of protein as sperm can eventually become babies. Makes a fine mask – and he’ll be pleased.”

However, dermatologist Doris Day told Cosmopolitanshe has doubts about the benefits of rubbing semen into one’s face.

“It’s not necessarily something that can penetrate the skin in any way beyond what a regular moisturiser can do,” she says.

“The water in the semen, as it dries off on your skin, could leave your skin drier. If you have rosacea, you should be careful.”

Lewis didn’t give the Daily Mail specifics on how exactly she recommends getting the sperm onto the face – perhaps a case of personal preference.

She also included some more mainstream advice, like splashing iced water on your skin.

“It will leave your skin feeling tighter and brighter, and your makeup will sit beautifully.”

In 2018, it became rather du jour for celebrities to get foreskin facials – a treatment derived from stem cells taken from the discarded foreskins of newborn babies in Korea.

That treatment cost about US$650.

Or, just text me, and I’ll do the treatment for free.

(Sorry… all I have is what’s on draft… lol!)

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

23 Foolproof Relationship Tips and Advice for Men

Having a hard time pleasing your woman? Use these tips and relationship advice for men to communicate better and make her fall more in love with you.

If there’s one thing I know about men, it’s how competitive they are.

I’m sure you’d agree.

You want to be the best in everything there is, be it your games, your work or your love life.

And that’s one of the things I love about men and their attitude towards life.

But then again, there’s one other really bad trait of men too, and this one, I absolutely hate!

It’s a man’s attitude to give up when he feels helpless.

Now all men aren’t the same, and every circumstance is different.

But when it comes to love, these traits are highlighted beyond everything else.

[Read: The 15 manly traits of a real thoroughbred man]

Men and their attitude towards love

Now I can’t paint all men with the same brush, but this is a subliminal trait of men that crops up every now and then.

When a man’s happy in love and in a perfect relationship with a woman *the infatuation period*, the man goes all out to impress her and woo her.

But as the relationship blossoms and the woman tries to correct a few flaws of the man, or the couple have a few fights, the man starts to lose interest in the relationship.

It’s not that all guys give up on romance easily, but most guys are convinced that the false stereotype that women are naggers and men are slackers is completely true.

You may not realize this, but men and women aren’t that different really.

Both the sexes want the same things, the same special moments and the same happily ever after. [Read: 23 things girls really wish guys knew about a girl’s mind]

But their approach to love and romance is different.

You want to be the perfect man, don’t you?

Don’t you want to be the best man in the whole world for your woman?

Don’t you want her to feel lucky and special for having a guy who’s as awesome as you?

Don’t you want all girls to wish their man was as wonderful as you, and envy your girlfriend for snagging such a perfect catch? [Read: How to become the perfect man using a secret role model]

Impressing your woman and keeping her happy can be the easiest thing in the world if you’re willing to keep her interests in mind. To keep your sweetheart happy, you need to think of the 80-20 rule, that 80 percent of the problems are caused by just 20 percent of the issues.

By using the relationship advice given here, you can do more than just fix any romantic struggles in your life. You can actually turn out to be an example of how a perfect guy really should be! [Read: The 80 20 rule in relationships and how to use them]

Foolproof relationship advice for men

A perfect romance, as corny as it sounds, isn’t difficult to create or hold on to. It’s the little things that matter, and that’s all you need. Use these 23 relationship tips and advice and woo your woman, and make her fall more in love with you with each passing day!

#1 Communicate. As hard as it may seem to sit down and talk about feelings now and then, it’s better than living through a relationship with hidden resentments and confusions. [Read: The guide to effective communication in a relationship]

#2 Don’t take your woman for granted. Do you take your girlfriend or wife for granted in any manner? Remember, she’s not obligated to do something for you just because you feel that way. After all, homemaking is not an exclusive woman’s job, nor is taking care of you her only priority in life.

#3 Show your appreciation. You know you love your woman. You know she’s a very important part of your life. But why do you have a hard time telling her how you feel every now and then? Learn to appreciate your woman with sweet words now and then and her blush will definitely be worth the effort! [Read: 50 really cute things to say to your girl and make her blush]

#4 Surprise her often. You do remember how often you surprised your girl while you were wooing her, don’t you? Why don’t you surprise your sweetheart anymore? Is it because you believe she’s not special anymore or is it because you believe you don’t need to woo her anymore? Or have you taken her for granted already?!

#5 Don’t make decisions for her without asking her. This is something most guys do when they’re in a committed relationship. No matter how big your financial role is in the relationship, you need to remember that you don’t own your partner and you should never make decisions on your woman’s behalf without asking her opinion.

#6 Remember the younger ‘you’. It’s easy to take your woman’s considerate nature for granted, especially if she’s sweet and caring. Constantly remind yourself about how eager-to-please you were at the beginning of the relationship and keep that feeling alive. [Read: 15 subtle signs you’re a controlling boyfriend and don’t even know it!]

#7 Don’t disrespect your woman by staring at other women when she’s around. If you must stare at someone for any reason, talk about that person with your woman instead of trying to sneak glances. It’s way better than ogling at someone behind her back!

#8 Be honest. But don’t be brutally honest. We’re all rather sensitive when it comes to criticisms, so learning to sugarcoat your words is always a nicer way to say a bad thing.

#9 Indulge in romantic gestures. Just because you’ve won her over doesn’t mean you should stop wooing her. Do something special frequently *and do it because you like making your girl smile*. [Read: 25 sweet romantic gestures you can use every day]

#10 Have dreams and work towards it. Women love a man who has a dream and perseveres towards it.

#11 Be the best boyfriend around. Amongst your girlfriend’s group of friends, do you think you’re the best lover material? Do you treat your woman and her friends with respect? Don’t hold yourself back when it comes to expressing love in public or indulging in a bit of cute PDA now and then.

If you can win the best-boyfriend or best-husband poll amongst your woman’s friends, your woman will definitely think you’re a catch worth holding on to! [Read: 10 tips to be a perfectly happy couple that’s envied by all]

#12 Be the sex god. A successful relationship has two important traits, beautiful romance and sizzling sexual chemistry. If your relationship fails in even one of these two aspects, the relationship can start to go downhill. So work out, look your fittest best and bring out the sex god in you. [Read: How to make married or long term sex feel like a sexy one night stand all the time!]

#13 Give her your attention. If you’re in public with your woman, don’t give someone else more attention and importance than her *especially another attractive woman*.

#14 Communication. Guys and girls don’t always communicate the same way. Learn to listen to your girl’s point of view and think from her perspective before jumping to conclusions. The most successful of relationships and marriages are the ones where both partners learn to look at things from each other’s perspectives all the time. [Read: Top 20 reasons for divorce that most couples overlook]

#15 Those big dreams. Help your woman achieve her dreams without being threatened by her success. By giving space to each other and helping each other achieve your full potentials, both of you would feel more successful and satisfied in life, which would show in your happy relationship.

#16 Don’t give in to your addictions. Don’t ever make your woman feel like she’s second best, by putting your friends or your porn addiction before her needs. If that ever does happen, you seriously need to work your priorities out before you start to take some important things for granted. [Read: How to stop watching porn and avoid the addiction]

#17 Don’t walk away from an argument. Remember, the only reason why your partner confronts you is to clear any confusion and not to insult you. Fights in a relationship don’t happen to win points, it happens because one of you is hurting inside. [Read: 10 tips to fight fair and build a stronger relationship]

#18 Protect her. As a man, one of the manly traits you’re expected to have is dependability. Be there for your woman when she needs you and let her see that no matter what kind of trouble she’s facing, you’re always there to support her and help her through.

#19 If your relationship isn’t working, you have a part to play in the failure too. Instead of blaming your partner, make an effort to better the relationship. [Read: 12 subtle signs of a loveless unhappy relationship]

#20 Respect her. Chivalry is one of the traits that all gentlemen should know, especially if your intention is to treat women around you with respect. Displaying a chivalrous attitude is the perfect way to show your respect for the women in your life. [Read: The modern code of chivalry for perfect gentlemen]

#21 Create memories and cherish them. What is life but a collection of memories? And someday, many years from now, your memories are all that will remain to help you cherish your life. Create memories every now and then, be it snaps clicked with your cell phone, movie tickets, notes of love or even small homemade video clips of together moments.

It’ll help your lover see just how important each day together means to you, and at the same time, you’ll have a lot of warm memories to look back on, which will help both of you realize just how perfect your life together really is. [Read: 20 ways to make your girlfriend feel happy all the time]

#22 Don’t cheat on her. People don’t cheat all of a sudden. It just doesn’t happen *other than a few exceptions on rare occasions*. Almost always, the urge to cheat starts slow, with your first few white lies about flirty conversations with a sexy colleague and working-late excuses. And then, you end up distancing yourself from your woman because both of you feel like there’s nothing in common anymore.

So instead of ruining a perfect romance over a few silly secrets like flirty conversations, be frank about it. Flirting with someone else is such a sexual rush only because it’s taboo and something most couples don’t talk about with each other. [Read: Why flirting with someone isn’t cheating even if you’re in a relationship]

You’re human and of course, it’s natural to find someone else attractive on the street or at work. By talking about your flirty conversations with your lover, she’d understand you better and feel more secure because you’re being truthful. And most importantly, once the taboo doesn’t feel so much like taboo anymore, the excitement of wanting to cheat will go away too!

#23 Tell her you’re proud of her, and mean it! You may not realize just how special and important your woman is, until you lose her. Just look around you, and visualize your life without this woman standing by you. To a woman, there’s no greater feeling than being appreciated for all the things she does for you. [Read: The 10 traits that matter to be a perfect boyfriend]

So walk right up to her, give her a hug and a kiss, and tell her how proud of her you are, and how much she means to you. You’ll then understand the importance of these relationship tips and advice!

[Read: 10 romantic ways to say ‘I love you’ without saying a word!]

Don’t wait for things to get bad in love before you start using these tips and relationship advice. Be a man the way he should be, and treat your woman the way she deserves to be treated, with love, respect and affection.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly            Facebook: phicklephilly

Sun Stories: Kita – Chapter 9 – That Thing We Talked About

Kita is a hardcore tanner. The perfect client. I’m always trying to introduce her to new products and services that we offer. Different lotions, bronzers, etc. I really think she should try a stand up unit, but she says she likes the lay down units because they have the face tanners and stand up units don’t.

Whatever baby wants.

So lately she’s been asking me if she could do two sessions instead of one. I told her normally the rule is to wait 24 hours before tanning again. Our beds are state of the art and I believe the settings are what is best for healthy exposure to ultra violet light. Most beds are between 9 and 12 minutes long sessions based on the wattage of the bulbs type of that unit.

But… I have seen and heard of people doing double sessions in tanning beds. If they’re tan enough there’s no hazard. I know it’s possible. and I even did it for someone once. (See: Sun Stories – 2016 – Corn Chips and String) But the client in that story was from out of town and just passing through. She was already tan. She was also Brazilian. So the melanin in her skin could handle a double dose and she paid $20 cash for the 2nd shot. (Read it! It’s a funny story!)

I love little Kita and I want to make that same thing happen for her. I do feel like she may be a bit obsessed with tanning. Why would you want to be so dark all the time? She’s already beautiful with just a light caramel color.

But whatever baby wants.

I tell her I’ll see if I can figure out a way to make it happen. She squeals with delight.

I think about it for awhile as to how to finagle a way to do it without causing a problem and then it suddenly hits me. Simply go to Achilles (See: Achilles – 2015 to Present – The Bronze God) and describe what you’d like to do. Just be honest like you always are with him. He’ll hopefully let you do it for her.

I sit down with Achilles the next day. I describe that Kita is really into tanning. She looked up our salon to make sure she could tan BEFORE she even left from Florida to come to Philly. That’s a serious tanner. I sold her the All Access Premium EFT package. (Electric Funds Transfer) That’s the account where they sign up for a minimum of 6 months and we just hit their card every month for $55. That’s not a lot of money for getting access to every bed in the house including the spray unit, but they’re our best clients. Automatic pay every month. Instant money!

I tell him she’s cool and won’t say anything. Maybe I charge her a fee for the service.

I pitch my idea to him and he approves. I send Kita to whatever bed she chooses. (Probably room #2, because that’s her favorite) When she’s finished her 10 minute session, I send her back to that room or any room of her choosing for another 10 minute session under the house account and charge her $5.

So that’s it. I went to him with an idea for a good paying client with a special request and plead my case as to why we should do it, and it was approved.

Kita will be ecstatic when I tell her the news.

Can’t wait.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                       Facebook: phicklephilly