Eileen – Chapter 11 – Formal and Lost Phone

Eileen texted me and told me she needed Friday off to go to her formal. She’s in a sorority (of course) at Drexel Uni and this is the event of the season. I check with Amelia, to see if she can work. Amelia, is flying to Okinawa with the Air Force Reserves on Saturday and says yes.

I’m relived because I wont be killed at the salon Friday night with her there. Eileen is eternally grateful we have her covered, and because she’s a freshman and in a sorority we have her back.

My staff is great this year like I said before. Amelia is amazing and so good at everything in the salon. I couldn’t have wish for better. Eileen is fantastic with the clients and new intake every night when we get run over with business.

These girls are simply the best I’ve ever hired in the history of the salon.

Finding staff this rich at this dollar amount is nearly unheard of in this industry. I’ve truly been blessed to have girls this good during the busy season.

So Eileen is off Friday to go to her college formal, and I work her Saturday and Sunday.

I text her Sunday night to remind her that Amelia is traveling to Okinawa for two weeks with the Air Force Reserves and that I need her in at 3 on Monday.

She’s down.

I’ll really miss Amelia, because I think we’ve become good friends working here.

But I’ll just miss her presence because I really care for her.

I text Eileen and she’s ready to work all the shifts this week.

Eileen comes in and she is sad.

“How was your formal?”

“I got super drunk and left my phone in an Uber.”

To spare my readers the drama, I will spell it all out here.

Eileen went to the formal, (I’m sure looking fabulous) got plastered due to the pressure of those around her, puked with the help of her sorority leader, wasn’t looked after properly by her sober coach, there’s video of her drunk ass being led into her dorm, lost her phone in an UBER, went to the hospital, and has been brought up on charges of public drunkeness by the college.

I would usually call that, “Saturday Night in my Twenties” but this is a nightmare for my hire.

An 18 year old girl without her phone is like a seal stranded on an ice floe surrounded my killer whales.

I feel her pain.

It’s a bad week. Baby doesn’t have her phone. which is crippling in this day and age. (I’ve felt it myself)

The salon is crazy busy, and Eileen’s doing great. Obviously for a girl her age, without a phone is like losing a limb, but she has her tablet and doing her best.

I hear the whole horror saga and really feel for her. I wish I were there so I could look after her like I would my own daughter Lorelei.

Eileen’s been a pleasure to work with this season, and I would do anything to help her any way I can. When I heard the story of her struggling to get her phone back from the loser driver I actually felt angry like a family member had been hurt.

Four days pass and Eileen is the consummate professional at the salon.

Eileen’s had a hell of a week, and I want to do something to make her feel better. Like I said, these young girls have their challenges in their lives, but they work for us. They’re the best I’ve ever had.

I recognize talent unlike most of the insecure shitstains I’ve worked for in the rat race. Just assholes that have zero talent and can’t work anywhere else and can’t do what I do.

I’m fine with that. That’s just the way of world, and corporate america.

But I’ll never let anybody that works for me suffer. Ever.

Through all of this drama, where Eileen is now facing fines and has to take computer modules on being drunk, I will support her. It’s total bullshit.

College students experiment with everything. Eileen is a good student and majoring in Criminal Justice. She’s a brilliant girl. I see that in her. She can have all of the teenage world drama she wants, but at the end of the day, she’s a terrific person I admire.

I’m happy to work with young people that are on point and they’re willing to work any job and do whatever is asked of them with a smile. That’s where I come from and Amelia and Eileen possess all of that goodness.

I realize with Amelia gone in Okinawa and Eileen picking up all over shifts, coupled with no phone and censure, she’s in a bad place.

But does it affect her performance at the salon during our crazy busy season? Not in the slightest. Because of her not having access to her cell she was actually more productive. (Surprise)

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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13 Naughty Ways to Get Out of the Friend Zone In No Time

You’ve just been put into one of the worst places you can be: the friend zone. Here’s what you can do to get out of the friend zone, in no time at all!

Being in the friend zone is one of the hardest places to be—for a lot of reasons. Not only is it a blow to your ego, but you also can’t really show that much emotion about it without looking like a crazy person.

For those of you unfamiliar with the friend zone, lucky you! However, I’ll explain it for you: the friend zone is when the person you have romantic feelings for only thinks of you as a friend. This can often stop someone from expressing their real feelings, and perpetuate a one-sided romantic attraction.

The good thing about the friend zone is that you can be close to the person you like as much as you want. The bad thing is that this person might not even know they just put you in the friend zone, because they don’t know how you really feel!

How you can get out of the friend zone

I’m actually pretty guilty of putting guys in the friend zone without a second thought. BUT, I do have to put some of the blame on them, for not at least trying to get out. If they would have made any sort of effort in telling me how they felt, or pursuing me in any other way, I may have felt differently.

Usually, they seemed happy to be just my friend, and never tried for anything else. It was only later that they started complaining about it. So, we put together a list of ways you can sneak right out of the dreaded friend zone!

#1 Tell them how you feel. They could have put you in the friend zone without even knowing that you have feelings for them—which is NOT their fault. If you’re in the friend zone by default, because you couldn’t muster up the courage to tell them, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Who knows? They could have feelings for you, too.

#2 Show them how you feel. If telling them isn’t an option, because you’re scared, or nervous, or whatever lame excuse you have, show them how you feel. Act like you have feelings for them. Tell them you like their new haircut, or that the color of their shirt makes them look really good. Do things for them that show them you care more than a friend would.

#3 Make them see you in a romantic way. More than likely, you’ve shown them the more intimate side of yourself. Now, I’m not saying to go make out with them, or anything. But make them picture you being someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend.

For example, if they start telling you about how this person’s boyfriend did this, come back by saying, “If I had a boyfriend/girlfriend, this is what I would do.” It gets their mind thinking about the way you’ll treat your significant other.

#4 Don’t let them talk to you as a friend. People don’t talk to their friends like they do to their significant others. If that’s your end game, don’t let them talk to you like you’re their BFF. Don’t let them gossip about other love interests, or complain about them, either. Let them talk about anything BUT significant other problems. They’ll never think of you as a possible boyfriend or girlfriend if they talk to you about those issues—trust me.

#5 Figure out why they only like you as a friend, and fix it. Maybe you only treat them like a friend. Maybe they don’t think you’re that compatible. Whatever it is, there is probably a way to get around it. If they don’t think you’re compatible, for instance, you can make it a point to show them just how compatible the two of you really are.

#6 Make physical contact every now and then. No. I don’t mean go, slap their butt, and tell them they look nice. Not at all. Subtly and nonchalantly make a point to touch them from time to time. Establishing physical contact will make them see that you’re being a little more than friendly.

A great way to do this is to just pat them on the back as you come up behind them, or touch their shoulder when they’ve said something funny. Little things that close the gap between you will move you out of the friend zone.

#7 FLIRT WITH THEM. For the love of all that is holy, FLIRT WITH THEM! One of the only things that can differentiate someone from liking a person as a friend and liking them more than a friend is flirting. If you’re continuously flirting with someone, you will send them a clear message that you like them romantically.

Not only that, but by flirting, you’re also opening up the opportunity for them to flirt back. This is a great way to lightly exchange some fun conversation that isn’t drawing attention to the fact that you’re stuck in the friend zone.

#8 Make them miss you. One thing that happens a lot of the time is that the people who put you in the friend zone don’t realize their own feelings. I have actually been guilty of this, and it was too late for me to have him after he found someone else.

I didn’t realize I felt that way until he was relatively out of my life. So, take a break. Don’t act mad, or anything, but just be busy. Be busy enough that they’re coming to you to hang out or to see what’s up.

#9 Casually compliment them out of nowhere. Perfectly placed compliments can go a long way to get you out of the friend zone. Telling them they look great when they’re wearing grubby clothes shows them that you find them attractive, even when they’re not all done up. They’ll appreciate this.

Compliments can also help, because people ALWAYS feel the need to compliment you back—which means they will be looking for something attractive about you. It’s literally giving them a reason to look at your best attributes.

#10 Surprise them with something subtle, but sweet. Surprising them with something that they wouldn’t expect you to remember is a perfect way for them to see how much you really care, and they will start to care about you because of your kindness.

Try bringing them their favorite cookies *that no one else but you knows they love*. This is a perfect way to sneak even more out of the friend zone!

#11 Do things for them that you would do for a boyfriend/girlfriend. If you really want to get out of the friend zone, then stop acting like you’re in it. Act like they’re your boyfriend or girlfriend. Treat them like you would your significant other, and you’ll be surprised how easily you can slide out of that zone.

#12 Realize that it might not have anything to do with YOU. Sometimes, you may be in the friend zone, simply because they aren’t in a place in their life that they can be dating or having a significant other. If you realize that and back off, they will notice and appreciate that, and then who knows? Maybe down the road, they’ll remember you being understanding, and it’ll make them like you more.

#13 Accept only having friendship. Sometimes, if you really want someone to see you as more than a friend, the best way to do that is to just accept that you can’t have them. This will lead you to forget about how you’re acting, what you’re doing, and you’ll just be yourself. That could really end up changing how that person feels about you.

 

Being in the friend zone doesn’t have to be a permanent sentence. If you’re trying to claw your way out of this dreaded zone, you’ll need these 13 tips to help you get out.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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50 of the Most Miserably Unfortunate Names Ever to Bestowed Upon People

Having grown up with a last name that is often mocked for having components of phallic innuendo, I can relate to these poor souls a little bit. Like I can’t even imagine what kind of verbal abuse they went through growing up.

I like to imagine each of them lead lives similar to the Boy Named Sue.

From Ben Dover to Richard Johnson, and every name in between, some parents just didn’t have enough forethought when they were choosing baby names, or they really didn’t care that their kid was going to get bullied constantly. But either way, its the parents’ fault. But if you thought these were bad, you should see how some of these people named their cats.

 

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How to Kiss a Friend Accidentally and Get Away with It

Ever been tempted to kiss a friend? While it’s alright to get attracted to a friend, it’s not always the safest bet to make a move. Find out how to kiss a friend and get away with it!

Kissing a friend is a tempting proposition. But unless it’s a mutual desire, it’s best to stay away from such complications. But if you really do want to get frisky with a pal, here’s your guide on how to kiss a friend, the easy way.

It’s sneaky, but hey, if sexual desire matters more than friendship to you, why not give this a go?

How to kiss a friend

Have you ever tried to kiss a friend? In most cases, it just doesn’t work out.

Your friend may be shocked, surprised, or may want to stay away from you.

But if you really do like a friend and want to take it further down the path of love, then this piece on kissing a friend may not be appropriate for you.

But on the other hand, if you just want know how to kiss a friend, and then worry about your mixed feelings later, this may be the easiest way forward.

There are a few times when you can kiss a friend and get away with it, and a few other times when it’s just completely inappropriate to kiss a friend.

Firstly we’ll get to the five ways by which you could kiss a friend out of the blue, with no preamble or even a hint that you’re attracted to your friend.

#1 Kissing a friend when you’re drunk

This is pretty much the safest way to kiss a friend and get away with it. And let’s face it, more than half the first kisses between friends use this move. When you’re out with this friend you like or at a party, have a few drinks and wait for the booze to kick in. And once you’re feeling the buzz, use that as the perfect accidental excuse. Try and get the coziest spot next to your friend, preferably an isolated spot.

Start a conversation with your friend and eventually start whispering to your friend. Of course, you’re *drunk*, aren’t you? Whispering into each other’s ears is completely acceptable when you’re high!

And at some point of the conversation in between all the close facial contact, go right up and kiss your friend. The kiss may last a while longer if you’ve built a lot of sexual chemistry through all the body contact, but even if your friend’s not drunk, you’d still be able to sneak in a quick kiss. And your friend can’t really get upset or do anything about it, after all, you’re drunk out of your mind!

#2 Playing truth or dare

Kissing a friend doesn’t come easier than this. So if you’re ever trying to figure how to kiss a friend, focus on arranging a drinking game like spin the bottle or truth or dare.

Sometimes, you may get a kiss or a lot more than that. But at other times, you may not always end up lucky and another friend may end up kissing the friend you want to kiss. But not to worry, if you didn’t get a chance to kiss your friend during the game, just get drunk and go back to step #1!

#3 Kiss your friend when they’re consoling you

This is a sneaky move, and it’s another common ploy in getting to kiss a friend. Many people use this, and quite frankly, it works very well.

Have you just lost something of value and need some consoling? Everyone needs a friend they’re down and need consoling. So call the friend you like and tell them how *depressed* you are and how much you’d appreciate it if they could come over to your place to cheer you up.

When your friend comes by to your place, snuggle up and hug your friend. Just stay in that position as you mumble your sorry ass story and explain how depressed you are. At some point, you’d know that your friend’s pretty comfortable with the hug too. Now you can linger your hands on their back or go straight for the kiss. The kiss may last a while, or a few seconds. But if it does last, the kiss could lead both of you into bed and even go a lot further.

On the other hand, if your friend does take offense, you could apologize profusely and tell your friend you didn’t know what came over you. Yeah right, you effing perv!

#4 Accidentally kiss your friend

Now if you want to know the dirt on how to kiss a friend while trying this, you won’t be able to get a big, wet kiss using this move. But on the upside, your friend can never really point their finger at you, or even remotely accuse you.

So you’ve been clubbing recently? You know how hard you have to shout to be heard over the blaring speakers, don’t you? Almost always, two people who want to have a conversation have to stick their faces together to be heard. If you create an opportunity to create a quick successive series of questions and answers, you can move your face across when your friend’s yelling into your ear, and hey, guess what you just did, you kissed your friend!

How to kiss a friend accidentally conversation tip:

You: Hey, I’m going to get a drink, you want one too?!

Friend: Yeah!

You: What?!

Friend: Yeah, I’ll have one too!

You: What do you want to have?!

Friend: A beer!

You: What?!

Friend: A beeer!!

You: Why don’t you have a Hawaiian Volcano?

Friend: A Hawaiian wha….

You: A hawaiian vol… ummh!

Oops!! *Grin*

Now this works well even in a movie theater, and it’s sneaky, isn’t it? And an improvisation of this kiss is when you both are hugging and kissing each other goodbye. Turn your cheek in ever so slightly when your friend’s about to kiss you goodbye, and viola!

#5 How to kiss a friend via text flirting

Now this is a safe way to kiss your friend. It involves a lot of late night texts which eventually lead to sizzling sexual chemistry between both of you. It’s almost always foolproof as long as you take your time and play it cool. Get this easy step right, and you’re definitely going to do a lot more than kiss your friend. Get this wrong, and it’s still safe for you!

Times when you just shouldn’t kiss a friend

Now that you know the best tips on how to kiss a friend sneakily and avoid any complications, perhaps it’s time to know the times when you should never really kiss a friend.

#1 When they’re being touchy feely

Look, friends can be touchy feely or every flirty at times. But that’s just not enough of a reason to kiss a friend. Unless the vibes are just right, don’t kiss your friend just because they’re cuddling up or holding your hands. It’s risky and can cost you your friendship and the intimacy.

#2 When your friend’s asleep

This is an absolute no-no. As tempting as a sleeping friend can look, you just can’t kiss a friend when they’re asleep even if you’re drunk. There’s every chance that your friend may wake up and think you’re an absolute pervert! And your other friends will have the same opinion too.

#3 When your friend’s hung over

This kind of a situation may work in a porno flick and it’s a great fantasy too, but it’s just not something you should ever do. You may be really desperate or may have been looking for an opportunity like this since forever, but just don’t do it. There are far easier ways, so why bother with this. It’s just really perverse, and you just can’t take advantage of a friend who trusts your company.

An opportunity may crop up some other day, but never kiss a friend if you find yourself in such a situation. Respect your friend and yourself, because if you do take advantage of a drunk friend, that makes you no different than a rapist.

#4 When your friend is grieving

Now it’s natural to feel physically and emotionally connected when you’re hugging a grieving friend, but don’t use the closure and take advantage of the situation. If your friend makes the first move, then go right ahead. But if your friend just wants a shoulder to lean on at a difficult time, be there for your friend as a friend, not a lusty buddy.

So the next time you’re wondering how to kiss a friend, look no further. This is as foolproof as it can get, especially when you’re trying to get away with kissing a friend!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

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Amelia – Chapter 6 – Square 1682 – Part 1

So the last few Mondays Amelia and I have been getting killed at the salon and finding repose at Square 1682 pounding drinks. Roman’s on point, plying us with whiskey and chardonnay for a $5.50 check. (See: Roman – Rock n’ Roll Bartender)

He’s always tipped handsomely to match his face. It’s the perfect place for me to drink.

Amelia loves it, because it gives us a night to decompress and get free drinks. I’m happy that for the first time I can hang with my staff.

We’re hanging at the bar and doing our thing, but some older woman starts to talk to Amelia.

This blonde is middle aged and puffy, and waiting to meet her friends upstairs at the hotel. They’re clearly not coming down to meet her and she,s about to attach herself to Amelia.

She’s plowing four fingers of Crown Club in a rock glass.

She somehow inserts herself into our conversation like any lonely drunk.

She attacks Amelia with all of her tales of wind sailing and her activities and kids. It’s like an awful Tinder profile come to life.

I feel for my comrade who’s being very nice because she’s awesome.

This Michelin man in a dress is awful. She’s going on about how she hates young women who are in shape. (Amelia) How she hates how men don’t understand her or how we can lose weight faster than women.

It’s an awful insertion, and the poor lonely middle-aged woman doesn’t know she’s invaded my time with my friend and coworker. I sit quietly and think this is the thing that destroyed her marriage

This is why she’s alone, but I still feel sad for her, as annoying as she is stealing my time with Amelia.

Amelia in the meantime has created a story with this woman that she is my daughter and that I’m her dad.

I find this out about half way between the exchange.

I love exotic fiction and role playing, and admire my coworker for coming up with a creative situation.

Eileen is a cute child. But Amelia is an elegant friend. I understand clearly from 40 years of being in corporate life, but I feel so close to Amelia.

Not the older man preying upon the young girl.

Nothing like that.

I work with her everyday. I look forward to seeing her when Monday arrives. Amelia has a certain magic that radiates her from her every day.

We reveal everything that’s going with us with our romantic lives and it’s just easy and automatic.

It always feels safe, and there’s no judgement. I know Amelia and admire who she is and I feel safe in who I am with her.

I never expected this.

I never expected that it would feel this much fun!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

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City Issues Stay at Home Order Clarifying Restrictions on Business Activity in Philadelphia | Department of Public Health | City of Philadelphia

City Issues Stay at Home Order Clarifying Restrictions on Business Activity in Philadelphia
— Read on www.phila.gov/2020-03-22-city-issues-stay-at-home-order-clarifying-restrictions-on-business-activity-in-philadelphia/

 

 

Life In The Time Of Covid-19

“When playing billiards with my father he always said… “Don’t just make the shot that’s in front of you, son. Think of where the cue ball is going to land AFTER you hit the ball you want in the pocket. That way you’ll be ready for your next shot. And the one after that…”

If you write a blog and you’re reading this, you know we always write ahead. Just to beat the deadlines of our own publication. I’m a huge fan of planning and staying ahead of what I want to publish here. 

But tonight, I’m just going to write something for right now.

This is new to us. We’ve lived through 9/11. As terrible as that was 20 years ago, it happened to other people. It was an isolated incident that changed America forever. When I say ‘other people’ I mean the rest of the country watched in horror at the events that unfolded on TV that day, but we lost nearly 3,000 lives. (2,977 to be exact.)

We’d never seen anything like it. The worst attack on US soil in the short history of our country.

But today’s different. 

A virus that’s transmitted from person to person like a cold. We’ve all caught colds, had the flu, stomach viruses, etc.

But nothing like this. 

A virus so strong that it’s easily transmitted and passes between people. No animals are affected by this virus.

Just humans.

This is just a taste of how fragile our existence is on this planet.

I don’t know where this came from, but hopefully we’ll find out, and create a vaccine for it.

But for right now, we’re all behaving very well in the first few days of this quarantine.

 

I tell my stories here about all of my dating foibles and relationships on this blog. I’ve been a decent dad and a fun boyfriend, but when comes to domestic relationships, I’ve never been able to submit.

I appreciate all of the friend and fan support on here, but as I dish out all of the dating and relationship advice, I’ve found that very thing quite the quandary.

I give advice on what to do on a date and how to maintain your relationships.

I’m good at that. I like to write words and lyrics.

But words are hollow unless applied to deeds.

I’d like to believe that my words mean something, and maybe make a small difference in the lives of the people that take the time to read this blog everyday.

And for that, I’m grateful.

 

For the moment, I’m employed by a restaurant in this city. So is my daughter, Lorelei. We’re both in the hospitality industry.

I worked last week. It was business as usual. We were gearing up to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, and March Madness was on the way. We should have made a bundle last weekend. A payday so big it would have covered the last two months of winter.

But none of that happened. No one came in. No crazy drunken crowds of people wearing green, or funny beads, or fighting, getting shitfaced for no reason, and throwing up in plastic hats at the curbside.

None of it.

Are they all so broken that they need to drink to the point of illness to celebrate the dissatisfaction and mediocrity of their lives here in Philly on a designated day?

Nothing happened.

 

Nah, something did indeed happen.

Covid-19.

 

Saturday I normally work from 2pm until at least 11pm. I came in at 5pm and was cut at 8:30pm. It was so slow that even being scheduled was a gift from the owner. When I got there, he told me I was off on Sunday. Normally, I work from 12:30pm to 10:30pm. But I was off. I haven’t had a Sunday off since August of 2019.

Monday I was scheduled to come in at 10:30am and work until 10:30pm. My typical Monday is a twelve hour day on my feet. I don’t mind. I like to work and be busy.

But by Sunday night, I was told not to come in until 4pm that day.

By 2pm I was told not to come in at all.

Off again.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and now today… Friday.

Still off.

Why?

Because every restaurant in this city has been closed for the next 14 days because of what’s happened. I was on the phone with a friend when my daughter called and told me she wouldn’t have to go into work for the next two weeks.

I told her the same.

I’ve had my share of struggles financially in the past and also with employment. Many times by my own design.

But this was different.

Everyone in the entire industry was affected.

I think they told us two weeks so we wouldn’t lose our minds. But I don’t see this ending anytime soon.

Restaurants can only do pick up and take out. No one is allowed to hang out in any bar or restaurant in this city.

That leaves most places with scheduling one cook, a clerk to ring up and take out orders, and a delivery guy.

That’s it.

The rest of us are fucked.

Well, we’re all currently fucked.

One of my brokerage accounts is down over $7k. Bills and rent are due. So yea, if my little life is an example… then yea, we’re fucked. 

Forget me for a second. Think of the people that already have the virus.

How about the people that have it and don’t know it?

But are we?

Let me take a moment as the phicklephilly guy that you’ve been reading for the last 4 years to say a few things about this.

We’re all stuck at home and can’t go out. Income is either running out or is gone. I don’t expect to be paid anymore from my current employer. I think this could go on for awhile. But here’s what I’m thinking about, and I’m going to share it with you all.

If you have your health right now, embrace it and help others that need you.

I know that sounds a bit cliche, but hear me out…

Call or text all of your friends and loved ones today and through this weekend. Just check on them. This is the perfect opportunity for you to connect and reconnect with everyone you know. It won’t be weird. Don’t make it weird. Just call and check on them. This is your perfect opportunity. Because for the first time in the history of this country, we are all experiencing the same thing. 

This is what we have in common right now.

Exactly the same thing.

The enemy is the virus. Not a man, or a country, or a race, or an idea, or a religion. This enemy doesn’t care about your race or your religious beliefs. A virus is a living entity that wants to take you over for the last time.

As a species we’ve been a scrappy lot. We’ve successfully moved to a spot that isn’t even in the food chain anymore because we’re so good at killing everything.

We are the best and the worst thing that Earth has ever known.

But we’ve made it ours and for now, Earth is where we’re hangin’.

This is an opportunity.

Right now you have your health.

Appreciate that.

Got laid off from your job? Cut your hours? Not allowed to come in because of the virus?

Use this opportunity to plan.

Humans have always been great planners. That’s how we beat everything else. Plan for the rest of your life. You’re alive now. What if you get it and you die?

Embrace this time. This forced quarantine. Think! What are you grateful for? Do you really like that job you’re currently not having to go to?

I’m a writer. I’m always planning the next few chapters in anything I’ve ever written here. 

When playing billiards with my father he always said… “Don’t just make the shot that’s in front of you, son. Think of where the cue ball is going to land AFTER you hit the ball you want in the pocket. That way you’ll be ready for your next shot. And the one after that…

After that…

After this.

This global pandemic. 

That is some scary shit. 

I’m actually surprised in the moment that I write this. The the films, Outbreak and Pandemic are very popular on Netflix. Oh, the irony of our own fate! I’ve always been a huge fan of Art imitates life, imitates art.

There’s no anarchy.

Not yet.

I’ve been off work for over 5 days now and I haven’t had this much free time in years.

Monday I went to breakfast, wrote, talked with friends and loved ones, had dinner, and watched my shows. I, for once… had nowhere to be.

Tuesday, pretty much the same.

Wednesday, More of that just living and breathing thing. Daughter came home. I was happy to see her. She went to the supermarket and bought a bunch of food. She cooked dinner for the two of us and we actually sat and ate, and chatted like a real family.

It was elegant and beautiful.

We never do that.

We work in the industry and pass in the night, and crash here.

But for the first time in a very long time, we actually sat down as a family and broke bread together.

Lorelei made an amazing stromboli from scratch. She’s vegan, so she made it that way. But for the life of me I couldn’t tell, and it tasted so delicious, I went back for seconds!

That wouldn’t have happened if not for today’s circumstances.

Embrace that. Your partner. Your children. Your health. Yourself.

(ok… here we go)

You beat 250 million other sperm to get to here.

You were racing for your mom’s egg, and there were 249,999,999 dudes chasing you.

You got there FIRST.

You won.

Embrace and appreciate that. You’re partner, your children, your friends, your employer… everybody you’ve ever met got here the same way.

You’ve earned your right to be here on Earth today. 

 

Embrace what’s good in your life right now. We all have the same problems at different degrees in this life.

But in this moment… Today. You are reading this and I hope you’re okay. If my blog suddenly stops you’ll know Capt. Trips got me. (look it up!)

Be thankful everyday for your health.

Surround yourself with good people. (But no more than 10, okay? Just for now!)

Find something to do. If you’re home, find something to do with your free time. For a workforce that’s accustomed to working themselves too long and too hard, you may find this sudden stop a bit jarring.

Are you in love? Are you feeling loved? If you have it, embrace that. It’s the strongest force in the galaxy.

No love? Stop lying. Somebody’s worried about you right now. Give them a call. This is your opportunity to forget the past. All bets are off. You can call anyone, ex, old flame, enemy, frenemy…. reach out and just check on them.

I’m going to call and check on my landlord. Who knows, maybe my diplomatic charm will get her to slide me a free month during this crisis.

Think of all of the projects and other thing you’ve been saying you want to do. But you never have any time to do any of them because you’re always working, and when you have free time you need to rest from the life of work you don’t even really want.

Go clean your house. It’s Spring! Clean up. Get rid of stuff. Have fun. Take a nap. Have a drink. Smoke some grass. Call your mom.

Have something to look forward to. Remember what I said about planning? This is your opportunity to plan for the future.

The world is on pause right now.

(I wish the fucking Dow Jones was on pause right now!)

Take this time to do whatever you want. Lean into your free time.

My goal is to crack off 3 volumes of Crazy Dating Stories by the weekend. And I’m going to fucking do it.

All I do is cry about how I don’t have anytime to write because I work so many hours.

I have no excuse now.

And neither do you.

Do something. Anything. Try something new. Even if it’s you having the ability to be at home alone in the quiet of your own mind and just take a break.

Here’s your break from everything.

 

I’ve been walking the city. This is MY city. I’ve walked it’s streets. Drank it’s wine. Danced with it’s women. Taken my share of the money that’s available here. (In my jobs, you idiots!)

The city is deserted. Sure, there are some people and kids about. Folks out walking their dogs, but it’s different right now.

It’s like nothing any of us have ever seen in our lifetimes.

I’d like everyone that reads this today to contact just one person you haven’t spoken to in awhile. It’s not like you won’t have anything to say to them! We’re all experiencing the same thing right now as a species.

You can do it!

I’d like to see some comments about this idea and what you folks did.

I have a translator widget on this blog so no one has an excuse to not do it.

Contact someone, and write your results in the comments section.

Stay safe people.

 

“Don’t be the tree that falls and makes no sound.” – Phicklephilly

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Buy Phicklephilly THE BOOK now available on Amazon!

Listen to the Phicklephilly podcast LIVE on Spotify!

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly    Twitter: @phicklephilly