California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Crazy Eyes

Here we were living in Santa Monica, and living the dream. Just a bunch of poor musicians having the time of our lives.

I was at a party at a friend’s place. One of his friends had been flirting with me all night, but it wasn’t normal flirting — she wouldn’t say a word to me. She’d only touch me and giggle as I walked by. Towards the end of the party, she took my hand and quietly led me to her room, which has a bed and just a bunch of clothes everywhere. Less than sixty seconds into making out, she started to go down on me. Which I accepted. I realized how creepy and weird the situation had been to that point, but it was head. What nineteen year-old dude turns down oral?

She finished up, and put her head on my chest to rest. At that point, I was thinking this girl was loony tunes, but I didn’t want to be an ass, so I began to reciprocate. But she grabbed my hand and stopped me, and said, “Sorry, I have a boyfriend and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that.” I looked at her totally dumbstruck. She must have misinterpreted my dropped jaw to mean that I was hurt, because she immediately came back with, “But it was really nice sucking your cock.” These were the first words she’d said to me all night.

So we were both quite high, we decided to head back to my place. Everything seemed normal. She finally decides to get it on with me. Sex was good and then we got to talking. Since we’re both high, we started talking about death and what happens to your body after you die and she asks me whether I have ever thought about killing anyone. I could sense a creepy story coming my way and just shook my head.

She then proceeded to narrate how she has always thought about killing someone by suffocating them, with a pillow. And since we were on the bed, there were 2 pillows around us and of course, I was majorly creeped out. She was looking at me with the crazy eyes and I was so confident that I wouldn’t see the sun rise the next day. I turned around and pretended to sleep. After a couple of hours, she left without saying a thing.”

 

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California Dreamin’ -1982 to 1984 – Dariella – Into Darkness

Let me preface this by saying that I’m no prince charming, but even I have limits. I met Dariella one night after a show at Madam Wong’s West in Santa Monica, and she seemed interesting and metal. Naturally I wanted to see her again.

The First Date:

I found out she doesn’t drive, which isn’t a problem. I also found out that she lived down in Long Beach, not great, but I wanted to spend time with her so I took the drive to pick her up. When I arrived I also found out she lived with her parents, and was unemployed, again, see seemed great so I decided it wasn’t a big deal. We went to one of the local haunts to get some food and get to know one another better. That’s when I found out she was a part time Dom in a local dungeon. Okay to each their own, people have different tastes. Everything else during the date went smoothly. She was hot and exotic. The night ended and I drove her home.

The Second Date:

She wanted to go to this great bar that she knew about. I was all for it, something new. It turned out to be a really seedy dive bar. It was like something out of a movie. Everybody knew her, and she even had some family there. She proceeded to get wasted while I took in the sights and got to know the people. There was an old Hell’s Angel that told me about his youth, and how he was the king of the skating rink back in the day. I got to see a midget line dance to Copper Head Road. My date ran into a friend she’d met in county lockup. (Nice) All in all, it wasn’t too bad. I really enjoyed the place more than spending time with her though. She ran up a HUGE bar tab while we were there and expected me to pay which wasn’t really cool.

The Third Date:

Back to the bar! This time I brought the guys from the band and a few of my friends along. Everyone loved the place. Crazy group of people that looked like, rockers, punks, goths, hookers, bikers, and hippies. It was nuts. But things took an odd turn on the way to the van to drop off my date and her cousin. Her cousin stops and makes a comment about having just about the right amount of people for an orgy. My date replied that it wouldn’t be the first time. What did her cousin think she did at all those parties she went to? The level of crazy just went way up. Her cousin was smokin’ hot too, so we went back in the bar and put it to the group. Everybody was down, so off we went back to somebody’s house.

Sadly, phicklephilly is a dating blog, not a sex blog so I can’t go into all of the details of the orgy back at her cousin’s house. But it was insane and my first one!

Here’s and excerpt of a conversation I later had with my buddy, bassist, Frank.

Me: “That shit was crazy, right?”

Frank: “Fuck sake, mate. Remember the one I was with?”

Me: “Dariella’s hot cousin or that chick with that Bow Wow Wow Mohawk?”

Frank: “Mohawk.”

Me: “Okay.”

Frank: “After I gave it to her she said she’d been smoking meth with her boyfriend earlier that day.”

Me: “That’s fucked up.”

Frank: “And she said how she hoped she wasn’t pregnant!”

Me: “By you or her boyfriend?”

Frank: Fuck sake, I wore a sweater with her, thank fuck!” (condom) But that’s not the worst part.”

Me: “What?”

Frank: “She stole like $80 out of my wallet!”

Me: “I told you that chick was a hooker!”

 

Sadly, that was the last time I went out with Dariella. I think the band was all to weirded out by what had happened.

I miss that bar though.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Attempted Kidnapping

“One night me and the guys in the band were out at a party at a friend’s place in Venice. It was right after I’d had a fight with my then-girlfriend Clio and I was drinking kind of heavily (I’ve always been able to hold my own, but I was drinking a lot and fast).

This one girl was constantly around me all night and I was warned by a couple people that she was going to hit on me. Whatever, I can deal with it. She was flirting with me a little bit and I made sure to add in my girlfriend to the conversation topic so there was no misunderstanding. Didn’t matter. Every time I went to talk to someone else I would feel a small butt grab, and when I looked around she was backing up giggling. Once it started getting not-so-lightly I straight up told her to stop, I had a girlfriend. (See? even back then I was loyal!)

Anyway, later in the night when I was significantly drunk I was sitting down on a chair while most people were off in another room doing something else. Well she comes in and I guess decides this is the perfect chance. She sits on my lap and starts trying to kiss me and every time I move away she bites my neck. She starts to grab at my crotch too, and even after I hit her hand away it goes right back (remember I’m significantly drunk so not all my coordination is all there).

The last thing I remember is trying to get up to get her off my lap and then I wake up the next morning in a friend of mine’s room on the floor (one of the hosts). I walk out and ask her what happened and she told me the girl was trying to walk me out of the door, telling the others she was just taking me back to ‘take care of me’ at her apartment. My friend said no dice and locked me in her room (while checking on me relatively often) so that the girl couldn’t sneak in and try anything. The girl apparently got very upset when this happened and stormed out.

It’s always nice when your friends have got your back.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday.

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Phicklephilly – Special Report: Haters Gonna Hate

“Look onto your own bloody lives.” – John Lennon

Hello all. First of all I’d like to thank everyone of my followers and everybody who reads and enjoys my blog. I really appreciate the loyalty and enthusiasm of my audience. You’re the best group of creative, intelligent, lovely people I’ve ever encountered in the writing community.

So, Thank you all. I appreciate your words and your thoughts.

The reason for this blog’s success is all of you over the last 3 years. I’ve posted thousands of pieces and have had over 40,000 visitors and over 80,000 page views. I hope maybe I’ve helped a few folks out there with my dating and relationship advice and also I hope they enjoy all of my heartfelt stories and crazy dating experiences.

I’m proud and humbled by all of the attention for my little blog here in Philly.

Anyway, I wrote a piece back in 2017, (nearly 3 years ago!) and forgot about it. It was a goofy post about somebody I met on Bumble but never went out on a date with because they seemed a bit crazy.

Again, it was so long ago and I’ve written so much over the last few years I simply forgot about it.

Two days ago, I noticed a spike in my viewer stats. Frankly I was amazed. (5 times my usual daily views!) Initially I was astounded at all of the attention. I thought that maybe my blog had finally taken off as a literary force!

But when I looked closer I realized that someone, or a group of someones had found this old blog piece and attacked me.

This mad group of trolls crawled out of their caves, or out from under their rocks, or from under their bridges where they live to scare the Billy Goat’s Gruff! (hopefully some of you get the reference!)

They called me all sorts of names and were really mean.

There are thousands of these pigs out there and they love to attach themselves to successful people like blood sucking sea lampreys.

This is my blog, my words and my truth. I control every aspect of it and enjoy that part of it. I happily have to approve every comment that appears on this blog. (I have to because I get at least 50 spam posts a week and it’s all a bunch of nonsense that could hurt the integrity of the site’s function as well as WordPress.)

 

Someone once asked me how to deal with negative feedback. I told them this: “Positive feedback usually makes you feel good. (The warm fuzzy’s we all like from friends, loved one’s and coworkers) and Negative feedback. Negative feedback, when done respectfully and properly, improves your performance.

But what if the negative feedback is mean and unwarranted?

Sadly, every moron now has a voice. The internet. For hundreds of years the only voices you heard were in newspapers, radio, and TV. But since the invention of social media every idiot that wants to anonymously make a comment or attack a person to hurt them can now do it.

We’ve all read about these cowards. These internet bullies who have even hurt children and caused some poor troubled souls to even take their own precious lives.

They’re all despicable cowards that I have no time for. I’ve had my share in the last 3 years. There’s always someone out there who won’t agree with something you did to express yourself and write and create. Most of these morons that attack those of us brave enough to bare our souls through our literature and tell the truth about our live and experiences can barely put together a paragraph of any kind of rational thought.

If it happens to you, please take my simple advice:

It comes down to simple science. As a musician and a man of science, let me share this with you all.

In order for a sound to be made, you need two things. A Transmitter and a Receiver. The transmitter emits a sound, or a comment or anything. It needs a receiver to make a SOUND. With no receiver, there is NO SOUND. You need both to make a SOUND. So if some troll makes a negative comment about your art, simply don’t respond.

The negative comment never sees the light of day on your blog and it silences these fools and cowards who hide behind their computers. Because their lives are so empty, and vacuous they want to hurt those who are strong and have a real voice with their art.

Anyone who holds them out in the public eye with creative ideas will always be met with some adversity from morons who don’t have anything good going on in their lives and have nothing better to do than to attack people with real talent like all of you out there who are writers and artists yourselves.

So these broken transmitters bark their nonsense on your blog and make their snide comments and all you have to do is not approve their comments.

It’s that simple.

Laugh at what they wrote and toss it in your spam file. It’s nothing but trash and don’t let these morons have a voice.

No voice, equals no sound.

Scrape them from the sole of your shoe like you would any other bit of excrement.

Or, look at this way. I once wrote a manuscript for a book 20 years ago. It wasn’t very good and I sent it out to several publishers. I got tons of the usual rejection letters, but there was this one that struck me. She said I was a good writer but didn’t like all of the sex and violence in my work. I took it as an insult. I spoke with an artist friend of mine and he said, “No man, don’t you get it? She rejected your work, but she cared enough to tell you that your work disturbed her. It moved her to have a feeling. Whether it’s joy or revulsion, that’s what art does. It makes you feel something. You made her feel something. That’s a good thing!”

So sadly, in this day and age, haters are going to hate. They’re all a bunch of losers so don’t worry about them and don’t give them a voice.

Take control.

I’ve decided to cut and paste their words here in this blog piece that I control. I will hold these ugly trolls out to all of you, and I will show you what they are… but on my terms.

Here’s what these cowards said about me.

 

Alida 

Wow. Misogyny much?

First – do you have permission to share Ms. Smith’s images? Her name? Her comments to you, which were considered private? Have you no shame nor any concern about a lawsuit?

Second – What is it about you that you find so special and amazing? Looked through your blog here. You claim to be a gentleman, but your posts, especially this one, refute that.

Third – You dare to call yourself a writer, but what I have read from your site so far has been less than impressive. Venting is not writing.

 

 

John

Dear Mr. Hickle, If I were you I’d take this down immediately. You are grossly GUILTY of character defamation, labile, cyber bullying, and slew of other hate related crimes, as well as releasing her personal and confidential information without her consent. If this woman want to, she could sue with in an inch of your life. I know you didn’t like this person, but you are not only way out of line here, you are committing several felonies in the process by keeping this online.

 

 

K R

Honey…the only one with red flags in this exchange is you. Looks like Marey dodged a bullet there. Incel ghoul.

 

Chels

Wow… this is pretty ballsy…. publishing a woman’s images and name I assume without permission.

Glad you got your rocks off. Honestly looks like she dodged a bullet.

 

ashley

You would have been lucky to meet her, you douchebag. Looks like you though which is great because you should see Mary now! She’s a WONDERFUL woman and even an inspiration to me to stay positive no matter what life throws at you. You, my friend, never deserved that first date with Mary because you would have NEVER have been good enough. If only ONE thing you said was right about her then maybe you’d have something here but you never got to know this wonderful woman. Again, you’re a douchebag and have no place writing this bull shit with no actual FACTS to go on. Good luck in your endeavors, I hope woman on Bumble see this and avoid your ass too!spared her 

 

An Actual Writer

Hey Phickle—would you like to know how you come across, here? Do you know how it sounds when you add your bold-faced lies to your perspective?… Do you have any sense of personal accountability or introspection at all? (Rhetorical questions, obvi.)

This isn’t funny. *You* are not funny. I hope the women you’re attempting to meet catch wind of your site and steer clear.

 

Patty

This article is extramural cruel and unnecessary . I’m glad you have the time to purposefully put people down and look down on them for no reason. You are the definition of what a bully is put other people down and make fun of them to make your self feel better . I also love how you multiple time point out that your a lier wonderful quality dude ! She was better off with out you

 

ashley

So phicklephilly has changed the name of the person in this blog to protect their privacy rights… years after it’s been out there online.

I smell a lawsuit!! And one that NEEDS to be heard. Good luck Mr. Phicklephilly;)

 

Frank

Someone who describes themselves as having “been at this a while” has clearly got his own issues with relationships to deal with himself.

I wish I was cool enough to have a blog where I could judge random strangers based on one interaction.

I wonder if you’re still alone

 

E

You, sir, are an ass. First, you slander someone in your writing using her real name and photos, then suddenly its a “fictional story” after you get called out on it? No wonder YOU are/were single and on a dating site in the first place. Bullet dodged by everyone who didn’t date you. Grow up!!

 

 

What a collection of failures. All the poor grammar and bad spelling! 

Can you imagine taking the time out of your day to write the above nonsense and actually think that your little pathetic voice is heard by anyone who gives a damn about anything you have to say?

I thought I’d share what these morons said so you can all have a good laugh along with me as I continue to bring you quality content everyday…

Twice a day!

 

Oh… Here’s the best part. All of this nonsense, rage and curiosity caused an incredible spike in my traffic. Thank you trolls and haters.

In the last 48 hours I have had over 1200 page views. Thank you for getting me  closer to my 100,000 page view goal!

(Insert hysterical laughter here)

 

My father once said to me the following words, and it was one of the best pieces of advice he ever gave me.

“Son, the emptiest barrels make the most noise. Ignore them.”

 

Thank you one and all for your continued love and support! I’d love to hear your experiences with this sort of nonsense!

 

Koolkosherkitchen Forever!

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Here’s What It’s Like to Date When You Have Anxiety (Negative Thoughts Included)

Here’s one from one of my female readers…

I’ll never forget this moment: I was on a second date with a guy, patiently awaiting the large portion of cacio e pepe I eyed on Yelp six hours prior, when he brought up the concept of anxiety. At this point, I was more into the pasta than I was into the guy, but I had to take my eyes off the restaurant’s kitchen door and focus on the conversation that was about to ensue for a few minutes. “I’ve never had anxiety before. What’s it like?” he asked, genuinely curious. Well, honey, I’m going to assume they skipped this lesson during Dating 101, but this is not the time, nor the place. I stared blankly, proceeded to giggle adorably, and thanked the heavens above to see the waiter holding my saviordinner right in front of me at that moment.

Anxiety is something I’ve dealt with since I was 15 years old, and I’m well aware of the stigma associated with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), so as ingenuous as this guy’s question was, I wasn’t prepared to answer it. It’s hard to explain what “anxiety” is because it affects everyone differently, and I definitely wasn’t going to attempt to describe the debilitating feeling I’ve had for a large portion of my life to a stranger. Thanks, but no thanks.

I’d be lying if I said anxiety didn’t impact my dating life.

Dating when you have anxiety is, uh, interesting. But before I get into it, I want to again clarify that everyone has a different experience, and I can only speak to my own. My experience is not social anxiety or anxiety about dating (usually), it’s about how my general anxiety impacts my life as a 27-year-old single woman in Manhattan who’s just trying to get her date on. While I definitely think I’m a great dater — I’m on the apps, I like going out (sometimes), I’m an outgoing and positive person — I’d be lying if I said anxiety didn’t impact my dating life.

A viral tweet from Gage DeAngelis perfectly encapsulates this: “My girlfriend has major anxiety issues and it really affects her and I see that, daily. So I asked her if there’s anything I can to do help. Her response? ‘Just let me be crazy and I’ll be fine.’ Yes ma’am,” he wrote. I don’t know him or his relationship, but his girlfriend’s reaction to “let her be” is important. In the modern dating era, I believe that you really have to put yourself out there if you want to meet someone. Whether that’s on a dating app or out in real life, you just have to. For me, someone with anxiety, that comes with listening to my body and my mind, and of course, “letting me be.”

There are weeks when I’m feeling hopeful, and the thought of going out with someone I potentially have a great connection with sparks joy, so I’ll make a few dates and dinner plans with friends. There are also weeks when I need my alone time, so I’ll line up workouts after work to clear my head. There are even weeks when I can’t bring myself to work out because I need to de-stress in the comfort of my own home, so I won’t make any plans that could add to my anxiousness. But the most important thing for me is to listen to my body and figure out what kind of week it is to plan accordingly.

There’s no shame in rescheduling a date if you’re going to be mentally elsewhere during the prime hours of getting to know someone.

Listening to your body and your mind is one thing, but acting on it is another. My anxiety, like many people’s, can be unpredictable — a lovely morning can turn into a panicked racing heart if something triggers me — so, cancel plans if that’s the case. There’s no shame in rescheduling a date if you’re going to be mentally elsewhere during the prime hours of getting to know someone. Anxiety and the negative, racing thoughts that come with it are out of your control, but canceling plans and taking the night to cuddle with a weighted blanket and some CBD to get back to feeling like yourself is in your control.

I’m not a mental health professional, and I’m definitely not an expert on dating (hello, single!), but I’ve juggled anxiety and societal pressures to “put yourself out there” long enough to know this: sitting at a table nodding to a forced conversation when negative thoughts are running rampant through your mind is not going to lead you to your soulmate, or even lead you to an enjoyable evening. Listen to your body, your mind, and “put yourself out there” only when you’re able to be present and able to be the best version of yourself. As for me, I just need to remember that Carrie Bradshaw was a fictional character, and in real life, someone with a fabulous shoe collection, a very active social life, and never-ending editorial deadlines would *probably* have anxiety, too.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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I Apologize for the Infraction… But I’m Not Sorry

I’ve been looking after a lot of people lately.

Life is good for me as always. I’ve cut all of the crazy fleas and ticks out of my life.  That’s a relief. Please try it. You may be carrying some people who you no longer need in your life. Think it through. I’ve been writing this blog for a while now. I’ve covered a lot of territory. Many people. Many dates and friends.

I think about my life now. I have my health for now. You never know when that could go. That’s your most precious resource. I have stuff to do. Work at the salon, and the other place. (I don’t want to name them because it’s private for now. Not relevant to this story.) I have much love in my life. Cherie, my daughter, my family and other interests. I’ve learned to compartmentalized my life as I’ve gotten older. I’m not keeping secrets, just protecting people’s hearts. I have good people surrounding me now. That’s always a positive force. No more crazies. That’s too draining and a waste of time. Learn the difference as quick as you can. I have things to look forward to. That’s important too. That carries you forth into tomorrow.

I love my girlfriend Cherie. She’s marriage material. I can’t believe I’m actually saying that but when I’m with her I feel that way. I could grow old with that perfect girl. She’s wonderful. Best woman I’ve ever met. I’ve always been loyal to the women in my life, but I’ve been unfaithful to Cherie several times. It’s not because we’re having problems, it’s because I don’t see her enough.

But I like that. I like having a girl who loves me passionately that I rarely see. That’s just me. I know it sounds awful, but she’s my one and only and I think of her in terms I’ve never felt for any one else.

But I continue to offend.

Maybe if she were around more I’d be more virtuous but I don’t know. I don’t want her around much. I like her once a month delivering the drug I love. Dopamine and endorphins. It’s glorious. I know she’s going to someday be a successful doctor. You may think I’m a piece of shit for having a beautiful girlfriend half my age and cheating on her all of the time.

I’m not getting any younger. I have her right where I want her. The perfect arrangement for me. Finally. Someone that loves me and fucks me back to the stone age every time I see her and is the sweetest, most loyal baby ever.

But I do what I want.

I’m a loyal partner and have always been, but I am not getting any younger. ‘If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with’, the song says.

I should be on my knees thanking God for sending me such a wonderful woman who has gone through so much with life, her ex, her son, school and her family. She never drags me into any of it because she says she doesn’t want to decrease her value to me.

Yea. That’s a real thing in our relationship. The sweet, bright young black girl doesn’t want to look bad in front of her old white boyfriend.

She’s 28 and I’m 55! I’m stunned that she even wants to talk to me let alone let me fuck her. But to be fair because she’s a nymphomaniac and I am a reformed hypersexual, our sex is absolute fire. Cherie is the singular greatest lover I have ever had in my life.

But I’ve offended with Ambria. That was an indiscretion. There were a couple of near misses after her but now there’s Kita, and I absolutely adore her. This has been my track record and I suppose that’s who I am. Nobody’s getting hurt and I’m just sliding down destiny’s rainbow.

At my age that’s a miracle. Most men my age would kill to have what I have. Fuck them. Let them blow their money on cars and stuff. I have a gift that none of those losers have, so they can kiss my ass.

I’ve earned my right to be here and be surrounded by all of the lovely moist women in my life. I love them all equally and differently and I’m honored they want to still meet and old lion like me for a drink occasionally.

I truly love all of the women in my life. I am phicklephilly. The fickle lover that’s fiercely loyal but still a philanderer. But a man who truly loves and respects the women in his life and can retain them as friends without trying to get into their pants like every other loser in this city.

Men miss the point. There’s an ocean of women out there for you. Go ahead and pursue that. I don’t give a shit. That’s your scene. But you’re missing the point. Women are amazing, lovely, fascinating creatures that you should get to know. Try to be a better man and get to know some of them.

Stop trying to stick your dick into every moist hole you encounter. Get to know them. They’re really interesting and fun. Help them with their challenges in life. Reveal the stupid loser mistakes to help them get through their challenges with our species.

Because they don’t understand us either. You’d think they would because we’re such simple assholes but they don’t. You guys are equally mystified by them as well.

Make some friends with women and make them feel safe. I have dozens of women in my life that love and trust me because I am that man they trust and I deliver on that shit every day.

“Oh Charles hooked me up with that job because he knows the general manager and now my life is better and he didn’t try to awkwardly fuck me after that.”

Be that guy.

No fuck that. Never be a guy. Be a MAN.

Mix your life with men and women. You’ll feel more balances with both in your life. Your dudes are easy, but bring some girls in. Ladies are fun, beautiful and cool. Get it straight in your mind that you want to have female friends in you life that you don’t want to stick you dick into.

I know we all want to fuck all of the women we know. I would gladly sleep with pretty much all of the women I know in my life. They’re all young and attractive! But you have to take that moment in your mind and say to yourself, I need to have a pool of dating girls and a different pool of female friends.

Your life will be so much more rich.

I know you struggle with hearing all of their chatter. I get that. Turn your mind. It’s not chatter. It’s her song. She’s beautiful. Let her sing it and be there for her. Your friends could turn into lovers.

But just know in your mind that you have a plan.

You’re going to have a pool of women you’re going to pursue for romance and sex, but hold your crew of friendly ladies close for support.

Because you may need them for support when you lose your love.

Chicks Rule!

(When Alessandra appeared and did the heart thing my brain exploded)

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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14 Women Describe the Moment They Knew They Were Bisexual

Bisexuality isn’t an exact science. The experience for one individual may look very different than the experience of another. So what exactly does it mean to be bisexual? According to the Human Rights Campaign, a bisexual person is someone who can be attracted to more than one gender.

However, while some people who are attracted to multiple genders may identify as bisexual, others may instead identify as pansexual, queer, fluid, or not label themselves at all.

“It’s really different for everyone,” says LGBTQ expert Kryss Shane, LMSW. “Some people who identify as bisexual might have always been romantically or sexually attracted to people of multiple genders; Some people who identify as bisexual maybe prefer pornography or in-real-life sexual encounters with people of multiple genders.”

To be clear though, there’s no sort of checklist that can determine whether or not you’re bisexual. But to help, here are 14 women’s stories on the moment they knew they were bisexual and how they embraced their identity.

1. “I knew I was bisexual when I was 15. I had curious thoughts about women for years, but thought it was just me wanting to be friends with them. When I was younger though, I was a big Glee fan, and that show introduced a lot of female relationships that I hadn’t seen before. I think just being exposed to those really popular pairings made me realize that I wanted what I was seeing, but was also still equally boy-crazy. Once I realized I wanted a dog and a picket white fence with a girl, that’s when I really knew I was truly bisexual.” —Michelle O., 23.

2. “At 24, I met a girl and found myself not only fantasizing about kissing her, but actually dating her too. You know, like waking up with her in the morning, cuddling on the sofa, etc. I remember standing and looking at her talking to a friend when I realized that I would not make an exception for her, I was just bisexual.” —Christin H., 33.

3. “I was probably 12 when I realized I had feelings for both men and women. However, I didn’t understand what that feeling was. I was always very intimidated by other girls in my grade, and I never understood why—but looking back, it was definitely because I was attracted to them and shoved that to the side. My senior year of college though, I was crushing hard on one of my friends and it was very apparent to me what that actually meant.” —Laurel F., 24

4. “I don’t know if there was a specific moment… it was more a short period of time in which I realized I had my first crush on a girl—but in a way that I thought was normal until I understood not all people felt that way.” —Lauren R., 21

5. “I identified as straight until I was 29. There was one summer when I developed a crush on three women, and one of them ended up being my first girlfriend. We dated for three years. I didn’t really label my sexuality at that point, but knew I wasn’t straight anymore. After that relationship, I dated somebody who was trans and non-binary, so I started learning more about bisexuality and started to embrace that I’m attracted to people of many genders.” —Cally I, 35

6. “I realized at probably 13 that I might like girls when my best friend at the time got her first boyfriend and I felt so heartbroken and jealous. I always just accepted that I could be attracted to both men and women, and haven’t questioned it since!” —Samantha R., 25

7. “I knew deep down that I was bisexual since puberty, as I was fantasizing about women—even though I had always been attracted to boys from a very early age. So when I got to high school, I started experimenting with girls. Throughout school, I was hazed by other gay friends of mine that insisted I was a lesbian, but I knew I wasn’t. Eventually, I met my now husband. Coming out to him was the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most liberating.” —Becky B., 27

8. “I was 20 or 21 when I came to terms with it. I was on a bus and a hot girl came on and I thought, ‘I’m probably gay, that’s it.’ Then a hot guy came on and I was like, ‘Woah, pretty sure lesbians are not this attracted to men.’ So then came the light bulb moment where I realized I was bi and there was no explanation needed.” —Lorenna L., 23

9. “I always had boyfriends when I was younger, but I think that was because I knew that’s what girls were supposed to do. I’ve definitely always liked men and women, but I didn’t realize my feelings toward women until my friends bought me a Paris Hilton CD and when I saw her on the cover, I was like, ‘Oh, shit, I like girls too.'” —Laura C., 23

10. “I went to an all girl’s school and in 8th grade, I was standing in line behind one of my best friends for a Halloween haunted house. She was dressed as Michael Jackson in a white dress shirt and black pants. I felt incredibly attracted to her and realized in that moment I liked girls as much as guys.” —Jayne S., 33

11. “I fell in love with a woman at 18, but I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea that all my dating relationships up to that point were merely compulsory. Realizing that neither the straight, nor the gay/lesbian labels fit me was my first experience as a member of a marginalized group. Then, I joined a community for bisexual women and the group shaped me personally and professionally. My first marriage was to a man and my second and now current marriage is with a woman.” —Alison B., 45

12. “There wasn’t one specific moment when I realized I was bisexual, but I think I realized it when I was 17. I had been dating this guy, but I found myself clinging to his best friend. She and I would make out occasionally, but I told myself it was just to get the attention of guys around us. Eventually, I realized I had a crush on her. When I look back at that moment, I felt relief. I finally had a word to describe the way I adored other women when I was younger.” —Abbey B., 22

13. “There were hints throughout my life—my love the The L Word, my involvement in gay rights, the way I couldn’t keep my eyes to myself when I was at the beach and girls were in bikinis. I was finally able to admit to myself when I went to a strip club and sat at the rack and was like, ‘Yup, I’m bi.’ I made an OkCupid profile shortly after and then started coming out to my friends and family.” —Tabby T., 30

14. “I first knew I was bisexual when I was 17. I was supposed to visit my friend at her house on the weekend and she called me to tell me who was going. She told me her twin sister was bringing her girlfriend, but I was a little surprised to know she had a girlfriend. I asked my friend about it because I had always known her sister to be the ‘boy crazy’ type, and she nonchalantly said her sister was bisexual. I thought about the conversation all week and realized that was the word I had been looking for my whole life.” —Sam G., 21

 

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