7 Tough-But-Honest Reasons Why People Cheat — Emotionally and Physically

It’s not just an urge.

Cheating is a destructive event that can happen within any relationship. It is important to be aware that people have different definitions of what cheating means to them. That’s why there are so many different reasons for why people cheat.

For example, some people believe flirting is an innocent act while other people may feel that it is a sign of much more.

There are different types of cheating, which include:

  • Physical cheating: Physically cheating is when a person within a relationship engages in a sexual activity with another person outside of the relationship. It could include engaging in physical activities like hugging, kissing, and ;sexual activities.
  • Emotional cheating: Emotional cheating can begin harmlessly. It may start off with someone intimately talking about problems within their lifestyle to another person outside of the relationship. These two people can begin to form a strong bond that develops into a sexually charged emotional connection.
  • Sexting: Sexting is when two people sexually flirt via the text messaging system on their mobile phones or computers. It can include sending inappropriate photos to each other.
  • Online cheating: Cyber cheating, or online cheating, happens when two people develop a passionate relationship online through social networking services. It could include the use of Facebook and dating websites like OkCupid or Tinder.

The interactions may at first be flirty but can quickly lead to an intimate development.

A good way to know whether you have cheated is to understand whether you would tell your partner about the interaction you had with another person.

A noted clinical psychologist with a specialty in infidelity, Dr. Alicia H. Clark says, “Secrecy is a good litmus test — if you wouldn’t tell your partner about the interaction, no matter how ‘innocent’ you think it is, you’re having an affair.”

Everyone already understands that cheating is wrong, so why do people cheat?

Here are 7 of the most common reasons married men and women have for emotional cheating and other types of affairs.

1. A person is not committed to the relationship.

People are placed in situations where people may flirt with them, which may have never happened to them before. Some people are given the opportunity to cheat and within that moment they are not afraid of the consequences. The feeling of the chase may be more captivating than maintaining a relationship.

Dr. Clark stated: “Novelty is a big player in attraction, and anonymity offers opportunity. Maybe you meet some guy on a plane, and he flirts with you, flatters you, and gives you something you’re not getting in your primary relationship. If you engage in a way that helps you fill whatever void you have in your primary relationship, you’re entering emotional infidelity territory.”

2. People use cheating is an excuse to end the relationship.

A person within the relationship may fall out of love. The person looking to leave the relationship may cheat so the relationship ends.

3. A person’s relationship needs are not met.

People have different needs within their sex life that only their partner can fulfill.

These needs include passion, romance, affection, attention, love, sex and feelings of appreciation. If the needs are not met it can bring on feelings of being taken for granted, loneliness, tension, and neglect. In some cases, they may have asked their partner to try something new to spice their relationship up, but the request was ignored.

The feelings of sexual exploration, motivation and curiosity can outweigh a boring sex life which can make two people grow apart. Eventually, a person may begin to find another way to get their needs met. For many people, this is the beginning of an emotional affair — and eventually a physical one.

4. The couple does not spend time maintaining the relationship.

There are a lot of responsibilities that can get in the way of maintaining a personal relationship. Some things include work, cooking, cleaning and children. Maintaining a relationship is just as important as all of the other responsibilities in our life, people just need to set aside time to spend with each other.

5. Lack of expression and communication within a relationship.

People often forgot to tell each other how much they mean to each other or forget to discuss important aspects of their relationship. Lack of communication can mean there was no way for their relationship to grow.

6. A need for self-exploration.

When two people spend all their time together, things can grow boring. Sometimes people need personal space to separate themselves from their relationship. Some people look to someone else to help build their own personal identity.

7. Insecurities.

Some people are insecure and feel like their partner will cheat on them or their relationship won’t last.

Some insecure people cheat first before they get hurt, because cheating is easier than feeling emotional pain.

 

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Why Millennials are cheating less than other generations

Put down that avocado toast, because the latest statistics on the Millennials are sure to shock you. According to research published this month, adults between the ages of 35 and 18 are not cheating on their spouses.

Since 2000, older people are cheating more, while younger people are cheating less. Before 2004, the number of people aged 18-55 who had sex with someone other than their spouse was higher than those aged 55 and over, but, since 2004, that number has declined.

Part of it has to do with beliefs around extramarital sex, and the fact that, these days, over 80 per cent of couples test-drive their marriage by living together first. The divorce rate has been steadily declining since the 1980s, and now sits at around 40 per cent in Australia.

We know too, that, in Australia, along with the rest of the world, the age at which people get married is now higher than ever – the median age is 31.2 for women and 32 for men. All of this boils down to not “settling” and therefore not looking around at 40 and wishing you were in bed with someone else.

Is it real love – or is it just harder to get away with cheating now?

“Millennials are likely to have a lived experience of divorce,” says psychologist Philipa Thornton, who specialises in relationship counselling. “We often reject our forebears’ values in order to set ourselves apart.”

But Generation X also endured the breakups of their parents, they also got married later, and lived together before tying the knot.

According to Thornton, though, Millennials are far more idealistic than previous generations. “Millennials are willing to fight for their beliefs. They are more ecologically aware; they are more informed about global issues, and they care more about their health.”

But in the era of ghosting – popularised by Millennials – does this really translate to more committed relationships?

“Millennials don’t cheat because they don’t have to” is how Alexandra, 23 and in a long-term relationship, puts it. “There is a real culture of staying single and getting to know yourself before committing to someone. It’s no longer a case of marrying the third half-decent guy you date – our generation has spiritualised the relationship and ‘soul mate’ is the new ‘he’s tall’.”

Perhaps this seemingly unlimited choice of partner, thanks to the internet, is what’s changing the game. Baby Boomers like Facebook, Generation X dabble in dating apps, but Millennials consider the entire social media landscape an open bar. While this might explain the increase in “soul mates”, what accounts for the measurable decline in cheating? As Thornton puts it, “Love’s anaesthesia only lasts from three hours to three years so it can’t quite explain all of it.”

“Cheating without consequences isn’t an option for millennials” says Alexandra. “Facebook and Instagram means that people you don’t know recognise you, and you recognise other people. Millions are invested in the romantic lives of influencers, and other people they don’t know, and if a random person completely removed from their lives saw a partner cheating it would spread like wildfire and get back to the person.”

“If my partner or I were to cheat on each other, it would definitely get back to us, because people don’t just know names as a point of reference these days, they know names and faces – thanks to social media there are suddenly hundreds of witnesses to infidelity.”

Ivan Kruk/123RFMillennials might not be physically cheating but technology makes it easy to be unfaithful in other ways.

Millennials might not be physically cheating but technology makes it easy to be unfaithful in other ways.

In an age where you’re potentially contactable all day, every day via texting, Whatsap, instant messenger and a dozen other private messenger groups that show exactly where you are and when you received the message, is this the glue keeping Millennials together?

“You can’t ‘disappear’ even for a few hours, really,” says Lucie, 33, a married stay at home mother who says she and her husband text throughout the day and know where the other one is at all times. Though her partner surveillance is mild compared to others.

“I know a couple who have the ‘find my friends’ app activated on their phones so they can always check their exact location. They say it’s more for convenience and family organising purposes than keeping tabs on each other, but still…”

Technology, says Lucie, can be a double-edged sword. “I’m sure there’s plenty of cyber cheating or emotional cheating that happens without a physical relationship ever taking place- like work flirtations, or in snapchat groups,” she says.

So while Millennials might not be physically cheating, (indeed, more young people are living without sex than those born in the 1960s did at the same age) they may be unfaithful in other, more surreptitious ways.

“In my therapy room I see Millennials who have cheated and it’s often with Snapchat and Facebook,” says Thornton. “It’s often discovered when the phone beeps a message and your mate sees it displayed.

So we can hang onto our avocado toast for a little while longer, Millennials perhaps don’t cheat because they’re madly in love – although, it must be said that less social pressure, and greater choice means they no longer have to settle. But, where in previous generations, the influence of the church, and the wider community, was enough of a deterrent, that responsibility has now been subsumed by information technology, and our own adherence to its tracking of our every move.

 

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How to Survive Infidelity and Betrayal Without Betraying Yourself

Learning your spouse has had or is having an affair is earth-shattering. In an instant, the implicit trust you’ve given them – and built your life upon – evaporates. And, shell-shocked, you’re left wondering how to survive infidelity and betrayal and move forward.

When you discover your spouse has lied to you about their fidelity, it’s natural to wonder what else they’ve been duplicitous about. When you’re married, it’s also natural to define yourself in terms of your marriage.

So, it makes sense that when you discover that your marriage wasn’t what you thought it was, you seriously question how you’ll survive and what is real.

And the only way to begin answering these questions for yourself is to gain clarity on what has happened, what it means to you, and what you want for your life.

What is the difference between infidelity and betrayal?

According to the dictionary, infidelity is the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. In other words, infidelity is about sex.

Wikipedia defines betrayal in this way: Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship…

By being unfaithful, your spouse has betrayed you. And there are moral and psychological repercussions for the two of you and everyone else involved.

There’s no one way to deal with your spouse’s disregard for your marriage and monogamy. Some betrayed spouses choose to end their marriage. And some couples choose to look at creating a new marriage for themselves from the ashes of the previous one.

Neither of these paths forward is easy. And neither is the choice between them. Yet you will need to choose a way forward if you’re to be successful in your quest to survive infidelity and betrayal.

What percentage of marriages survive infidelity?

According to NPR, about 40 percent of American marriages are shaken to their cores by affairs. And of those marriages, more than half survive the infidelity.

Yet, just because other people make their marriages work after the betrayal of adultery, that doesn’t mean it’s in your best interest to make your marriage work.

You’ll need to decide what’s best for you and your situation.

How to survive infidelity and betrayal by choosing to make your marriage work

There are definitely good reasons for you to decide to save your marriage.

  • You have children together.
  • You have significant shared property.
  • You have been together for a long time.
  • You both love each other and are determined to do what it takes to make things right again.

If this is the path you ultimately choose, both of you will have a lot of work to do on yourselves before your marriage is whole again.

  • Committing to putting in the required effort and energy.
  • Being transparent with your spouse about what you’re thinking and feeling.
  • Releasing the betrayal.
  • Making time to work on intimacy as you become more comfortable with your spouse.
  • Being willing to create a new version of your marriage that works for both of you.

These tasks aren’t easy. They’ll require you to explore parts of yourself and your beliefs you’ve never dealt with before.

How to get through the infidelity and betrayal by divorce

On the other hand, there are good reasons to end your marriage too. Some of them include:

  • Denial of the problems that led to the infidelity and betrayal.
  • Inability to get past the anger and release the betrayal.
  • Persistent and consistent feelings of rejection.

If divorce is the truest way for you to move forward from what your spouse has done, you’ll still be faced with a tremendous about of work to do on yourself.

Some guidelines for include:

  • Accept that your marriage is over.
  • Remember that you didn’t cause the infidelity or betrayal.
  • Consider your own role in the marriage.
  • Expect to grieve – a lot.
  • Fake a smile if you have to.
  • Be grateful for every little thing.
  • Don’t drown in legalities.
  • Set long-term goals.
  • Forgive yourself and your ex.
  • Take good care of yourself.

Choosing divorce as your path forward from your spouse’s affair is difficult too. There is no one correct answer to getting through betrayal. Yet you do need to move forward.

Ultimately, the only way to survive infidelity and betrayal without betraying yourself is to get clear about what you  want. Don’t rush to decide what you want. Take your time to do your research and begin healing.

It’s only when you begin to have an idea of what could lie ahead that you’ll be able to make the best choice for how you want to move forward with your life.

 

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According To Science, These 10 Types Of People Cheat The Most !

https://va.topbuzz.com/s/MxNRR

 

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Ambria – Chapter 16 – Atlantic City – Part 4

Sorry…. NSFW

Go here people…

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=562

 

 

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The Way It Is Right Now

“Just because your sorry, doesn’t make it alright.”

I like Ambria and I’m ready to suit up and be the Dark Lord. I’ve been writing this blog for two years now, and I can’t believe my good fortune. Am I living a lie? Am I cheating on Cherie? To the world, yes. I’m simply compartmentalizing my life for the first time and doing what I want.

I once asked my father if there was one piece of advice he could give me for life, what would it be? He simply said: “Go through this life and hurt as little people as possible.”

That is a great piece of advice for a father to give his child, but he never lived that way. I know he only said it so I wouldn’t be like him. He was a good man but he hurt plenty of people, including my mother, me, and others, but I believe it’s all a numbers game. Ultimately my father was a good man. But I understand why he was the way he was now.

“Hurt as little people as possible.”

I don’t want to hurt either of these terrific women, but life is what it is and this shouldn’t even being happening to a man my age. I’m swimming in a bounty of female pulchritude that would rival Hank Moody on the show Californication on Showtime.

This behavior may disgust some of my female readers but I am living my life and I have never been in this situation before.

I don’t feel like I’m cheating on anyone or even being unfaithful. I thought the guilt would set in at some point and I’d have some moral dilemma with all of this, but it hasn’t happened. I am very kind and a gentleman, but this opportunity has magically presented itself to me and I like it.

I am giving both of these amazing women equal time and love and all that goes with it. Most men don’t get these opportunities and most men couldn’t handle it anyway, but I’m not like most men.

Not in the slightest.

When you get to my age, with a grown daughter and you’ve been through the busted dream of career, marriage, and all that goes with that, it affects you. All of the failed relationships because of what you’ve done and the choices your younger self has made for you, you change. Some men go sour and turn bitter or cling to their youth. I am relieved my youth and nonsense are behind me.

I’ve lost good women in the last 15 years because I didn’t want to marry again and have more children. I could have done that with these great girls but I would have been miserable. I would have been living their idea of the American Dream and I would have died inside again. I can never go through what I went through ever again like I did in my marriage.

My father once said to me that I should have never gotten married. That wasn’t a swipe on my character, (I knew when he was doing that) what he meant was, I’m just not the marrying kind. I’m better at being the romantic boyfriend that is wonderful to you when we’re together, but as much as I love you, you need to go away, honey. I want an intense time with you and I will be better than anybody you’ve ever met, but you need to go away. I need to be alone now.

Cherie. Super busy with her life in school. The 27-year-old nympho that is absolutely the most sexual being I’ve ever met, who is getting her degree and raising her son and working at CHOP. Lives an hour away. I adore her. Perfect.

Ambria. Lives in East Falls. Gorgeous, 35. Nurse practitioner. Makes a great living. Owns her own house, a rental property, and a condo at the beach. Kisses me like my girlfriend and I get to see her at least once a week. I love her too. Perfect.

So for now I’m keeping them both. They both appear to love me more than I love them. That’s not a bad thing. Someone in the relationship always loves the other person more. If you can find true equality in a love affair than you have rubbed a lamp somewhere. Because that shit is rare.

I’m getting older. My value is going down. Every day I am wiser and more calm, and more together as a man than I have ever been. Maybe that’s why this delicious gold has been poured into my lap. (literally!)

I’m going to go forward with this. I could end up alone, but like I always quote: “Better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all.”

 

I’m living the life I want to live…

 

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My Husband Has Admitted To Having Feelings For A Woman At Work, But Says He Still Loves Me. Should I Worry?

Here’s a post from on of my female followers. I thought it was worth sharing.

If I had to name the most common place where infidelity happens, it would be at the work place. I would say that the vast majority of the correspondence that I get about cheating and affairs happen in a work place setting. And I often hear from people who are concerned about a relationship that they see forming at their spouse’s job.

I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I had a strong suspicion that my husband was developing feelings for a woman at his work every time I saw the two of them together. I also couldn’t help but notice that he constantly talked about her and often mentioned them having lunch together, sometimes without others present. When I confronted him about this, at first he denied that anything was wrong. He said that they were just colleagues who had a lot of projects together. But later, I found some texts from her that were very flirty in nature. So, once again, I confronted him and he continued to deny everything. But this time, I continued to press him and eventually, he broke down and admitted that he had “strong romantic feelings” for this woman, but insisted that he still loved me and was committed to our marriage and therefore, would never act on his feelings. My husband has never lied to me, so I want to believe him. But in the back of my mind, I wonder if I should be worried about this. It’s not a good sign when your husband admits to having romantic feelings for someone else. So what should I do about this? Am I right to worry?”

I believe that the wife was right to feel concerned. From all of the correspondence that I get that outline affairs (even only emotional ones) at work, I can tell you that feelings that aren’t even acted upon can absolutely seriously harm your marriage. Not only that, but it’s not at all uncommon for people to eventually act upon these feelings even when they never intended to do so. And finally, sometimes people will insist that they only have feelings, when in fact they are trying to spare the feelings of their spouse by denying an affair (emotional or physical) that actually does exist.

Sometimes when I share my feelings on this, I’m accused of being paranoid or distrustful. But, I think that I’d rather someone be paranoid but proactive than being trusting but later very sorry when they’re trying to recover from full-fledged infidelity. It’s easier to prevent an affair than to recover from one, in my experience and opinion.

What To Do When Your Husband Admits To Having Feelings For Someone Else, But Denies Acting On These Feelings: This is only my opinion from my own experience, but I believe that just sitting back and hoping for the best is a mistake that I see happening over and over again. You can still make every attempt to believe and trust your spouse while being proactive about saving and safe guarding your marriage. When your husband has admitted to feeling romantic and loving toward someone else (who he sees and interacts with on a close and personal level every day,) then my feeling is that you are justified in taking action.

One suggestion might be to see if your husband can stop having to work so closely with her. Can he transfer, move to another department or partner with someone else? This may sound drastic, but again it’s usually much easier to prevent infidelity than the heal or recover from it. And, if you get resistance from your husband, then this will give you some important clues as to how he really feels and how invested he is in any close relationship with her.

Another thing that you will want to consider is strengthening and safe guarding your marriage. You want to make sure that things are very good at home so that he won’t have any reason to lament his marriage or talk about what it lacks with this other woman. You want to make it so that the two of you are as connected as you can possibly be. And, it’s certainly not a bad idea to swing by and have lunch with him as much as you possibly can. After all, when he’s having lunch with you, he won’t be meeting with her and she will see that your marriage is his reality and that it is solid and still very much in tact.

You also might want to look at where your marriage is vulnerable. Many women will deny that there are issues or problems, but I would argue that if your husband is developing feelings for someone else, then there are likely issues somewhere. There are likely vulnerabilities that you may not have considered or noticed, but which are most certainly coming into play. And again, if your husband is resistant to exploring these issues to strengthen your marriage, this might be indicative or what is truly going on with him and how deep his commitment really is to her or to you and your marriage. Because men will sometimes say words of reassurance, only to lack the actions to follow them through in the end.

This is not always the case, of course. Sometimes, a husband will do exactly what you’ve asked of him and the relationship or feelings for the other woman will fizzle out once you prioritize your marriage. However, to answer the question posed, yes, I do feel that there are plenty of reasons to worry, be concerned, or at least pay attention when your husband admits having feelings for someone else, even if he swears he’d never act on them. In my view, it’s better to be concerned and to take swift action than to vow not to worry, only to regret it later.

I know from experience that it’s easier to strengthen your marriage than it is to recover from an affair. My husband was unfaithful during the course of his job and I just didn’t see it coming. Since you have a warning and a head’s up, you don’t need to allow this to happen to you.

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

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