First Time For Everything: Dating A Grandfather

Here’s one from one of my female readers.

Last year, I had sex with a grandfather. That sounds bad, but I didn’t know he was a grandpa until after we’d done it. Plus, he’s a good thirty years younger than my own grandfather. But still, at 53, he had two kids and a baby granddaughter, while at 32, I’m itching to give birth to my own babies. When he confessed his real age to me over lunch following our hotel-room hookup (he’d told me he was 48), I assured him that I didn’t mind.

And at first, I didn’t. Part of what attracted me to him was that he was mature. He owned his own home, had a secure job. His life wasn’t as precarious as the other guys I’d recently dated. He seemed steady and solid, thoughtful, and I liked the idea of him presiding over a family. It made me feel like he’d be protective and gentlemanly, but still hot.

It was easier to pretend the age gap didn’t matter when it was just the two of us, but the realization that, if I were to get pregnant, our child would be younger than his granddaughter, unnerved me.

Don’t think that because he was solidly “middle-aged” that he wasn’t good in bed. His hair was salt and pepper sexy, and he had a lean, muscular body. He was one of the best lovers I’ve ever had. We met at a party. He was visiting New York from England and we wound up kissing and whispering pressed up against a barstool at Marion’s. “I want to kiss you all over,” he said in his sexy accent, and I couldn’t resist going home with him.

He was staying in a crappy hotel downtown, and while I’d expected all manner of tenderness, he showed me his forceful side. “What do you like?” he asked, and wouldn’t take mumbling for an answer.

“I like to be spanked,” I whispered. Even though you can pretty much discern that within two seconds of Googling me, it still embarrasses me to tell a new lover that—and I mean “embarrass” in the hottest way possible. He was intrigued, and proceeded to deliver on my wish.

Because things had gone so well, I decided to throw caution to the wind and go visit him. I realized that the likelihood of things working out between us was slim, but he was so enticing. An older, protective, sexy man, waiting for me with a cozy apartment and open arms. Again, whereas I was used to dating guys who could barely afford their own dinner, let alone mine, his offer was enticing.

At first, his pretty, warm, library-like apartment felt like paradise. I tried to ignore the warning signs, like almost missing my flight and my brand-new suitcase not closing.

We never talked about the age difference, but it was there between us. When I introduced him to my twentysomething cousins, I felt distinctly uneasy. Was it obvious we were involved, or could he just be a friend? It was easier to pretend the age gap didn’t matter when it was just the two of us, but the realization that, if I were to get pregnant, our child would be younger than his granddaughter, unnerved me.

Plus, if things worked out, what would his kids think of me, someone just a few years older than they were? It made me feel a bit dirty, and not in the hot way.

I’m not opposed to age differences per se; in fact, most people I’ve dated have been at least a few years older, often over ten years older. But if someone has fifteen years on you and has never been married, that difference doesn’t matter as much. You probably have more in common in terms of the life of a single person than not; they’ve just been doing it longer. Throw in an ex-wife, kids, and grandkids, and it gets murkier. It’s not just that they come with baggage, it’s also that I don’t. I felt behind the curve, even though it’s not a competition; at 24, he’d been a dad, which made me feel like even more of an old maid than I already do.

Ultimately, it’s a push/pull kind of thing for me; knowing someone has that paternal instinct is a huge turn-on, but if they’ve already gone there, and, in his case, beyond, I feel unbalanced. Next time, no matter how hot a man is, I’ll draw the line at parenthood.

 

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How To Deal With Sadness Around The Holidays, According To Experts

“Hey, We’re all here for you.”

If there were ever a time of year that energy hangs heaviest and most potently on humanity, it would probably be the holiday season. If you feel sad during the holidays, even knowing that it’s a common experience doesn’t always make the ache dissipate. But there are simple things you can do to cope that might make the twinkling lights and constant carols easier to bear if you’re in the midst of a rough time internally.

“Holidays may serve as a strong reminder that things in our life are not quite where we want or expect them to be,” Dr Victoria Chialy Smith, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice, tells Bustle. “We may feel a wide variety of emotions including longing, regret, anger, sadness, and depression.”

Smith says the unresolved feelings the holidays can evoke are understandable. Perhaps you’ve experienced loss that feels particularly hard this time of year, or the financial expectations of the season leave you feeling you stressed and self-critical. Smith says to first and foremost give yourself permission to feel the sadness and heavy feelings. There is no need to get on your own case about not being full of cheer and serenity.

“Meet all of these difficult emotions with compassion,” Smith says, and think about doing that by staying grounded in the present when you start getting a wave of old memories, regrets, longings, or difficult emotions. “Try to stay connected to the peace of the present moment by tuning into your breath or what is immediately going on around you,” she says.

Dr. Jo Eckler, a chronic illness coach, clinical psychologist, and author of I Can’t Fix You Because You’re Not Broken: The Eight Keys to Freeing Yourself from Painful Thoughts and Feelings tells Bustle something similar. Don’t squash down the feelings you’re having, and don’t feel the need to act like your blood is made of glitter when you’re actually feeling bummed. You don’t have to pretend.

Eckler also points out that this time of year is “a ripe time for the comparison trap.” Disengage from compare and despair behaviors, though, friends, be it on social media, in conversation, or just in your own head as you walk through the holiday markets, feeling a bit glum.

“We see images of families laughing together in handmade matching PJ’s and frolicking, or super lovey-dovey couples,” Eckler says. “And even though we might have good families or partners ourselves, it’s hard to live up to a posed picture.”

 

As for the expectation to get on board the holiday activity train? Well, especially if parties, gatherings, and celebrations feel triggering, there is certainly no need for you to be the belle of each holiday ball. But that said, isolation is something you want to avoid when you’re dealing with sadness or symptoms of depression, Dr. Rebecca Cowan, of Anchor Counseling & Wellness, LLC, tells Bustle.

“When people become sad and depressed, they tend to want to isolate, and this only worsens these symptoms,” Cowan says. “Balance is key, and so is implementing a self-care plan.”

That means things like sleeping, eating enough, sharing with friends, doing things that make you feel relaxed and happy, and Cowan says, getting some sunlight. At least 30 minutes a day.

Counselor Jessica Eiseman, based out of Texas, tells Bustle that it can also be helpful to begin to create your own traditions, to make the holidays something you can enjoy. She brings up the term “un-holidays.”

“Maybe you don’t fit into traditional standards or expectations for the season,” Eiseman says. “Maybe you don’t celebrate at all or you take a trip by yourself. The most important piece being that you create some meaning based on what you enjoy and brings a little peace, if not happiness.”

Eiseman also says that if you aren’t already, visiting a therapist can be really helpful. And if the feelings seem to be worsening, or they are affecting things like your appetite and ability to sleep, do reach out for professional help as soon as possible.

And remember, it’s really OK to feel the heaviness this time of year. It’s palpable, and we are sensitive creatures! Just do what you can to take care of you. Consider it a holiday gift to yourself.

 

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Tales of Rock – Ian “Lemmy” Kilmister Consumed Jack and Meat

Lemmy Kilmister was the frontman of Motorhead, an all around hard rock legend and a lifelong poster boy for friendly mutton chops. He was one of the very few true rock ‘n’ roll icons of the olden times who not only graced the land of the living for far longer than anyone expected, but did it actively doing his thing.

He was also, with the possible exception of Keith Richards, by far the most unlikely person to actually do so.

The Diet:

Jack Daniels, meat, cheese, drugs.

Lemmy drank at least one bottle of whiskey a day, and did it for over 35 years. The food he consumed was equally unhealthy: He loathed vegetables and ate mainly meats and cheese, with the occasional cake or biscuit thrown in, administered on a “however much he likes, whenever he likes it” basis. He’d been smoking since he was 11. He did copious amounts of drugs daily, and did so for decades.

If that sounds like the lifestyle of every rock star on earth, you’re partially right. But what set Lemmy apart was his apparent good health. His liver was completely fine. As were his kidneys. And lungs. In fact, the man was pretty much as healthy as he’d ever been — the few times he’d actually been ill were everyday performer stuff such as a lung infection and stage dehydration. Even then, he maintained a schedule that would have exhausted a person half his age.

There was evidence that he was only human, though: Sometimes, when the concert conditions got unbearably sweaty, he was known to hydrate by adding a couple of extra ice cubes to his onstage Jack and Coke.

I love you Lemmy! Rest in Peace!

 

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Death in Paradise: What is Florence Cassell star Josephine Jobert doing now?

DEATH IN PARADISE earlier this year saw Josephine Jobert exit the show as her character Florence Cassell decided to leave the island. But what is Florence Cassell star Joséphine Jobert doing now?

What is Florence Cassell star Josephine Jobert doing now?

Jobert has not revealed what her next project after Death in Paradise will be yet.

In a Twitter video, the actress said: “I quit the show for personal and professional reasons – nothing dramatic I swear!

“Everything is fine it’s just that I’ve been working on Death in Paradise for five years… I loved every minute every minute of it.”Recently, the actress told French magazine Tele-Loisirs: “It was a well-thought-out decision.

 

florence cassell death in paradise

Florence Cassell actress Josephine Jobert has not revealed her next project (Image: BBC)

josephine jobert

Josephine Jobert has recently holidaying in Menorca (Image: INSTAGRAM)

josephine jobert now

Josephine Jobert was recently seen in Monte Carlo and Cannes (Image: GETTY)

Last month, she posted a picture of herself enjoying a cocktail with the caption: “A moment and a place out of time. What a beautiful memory of this last day in Menorca.”

According to her social media feeds, she has also spent her post-Death in Paradise time at glamorous locations like Monte Carlo and Cannes.

Although she has finished working on Death in Paradise, she has not quite left the show behind.

Recently, the show began airing in France and Jobert has been doing a number of interviews with the French press to promote the show know across the Channel as ‘Meurtre au paradis’.

 

florence cassell replacement

Florence Cassell has been replaced by Madeleine Dumas (Aude Legastelois) (Image: BBC)

While Jobert seems to be taking a break, Death in Paradise is currently shooting its ninth seasons, with Legastelois taking over from Jobert.

The actress told the BBC: “I’m thrilled that I’ve been given the opportunity to continue my role as Madeleine and to rejoin the cast of Death in Paradise.

“I can’t wait for Madeleine to be fully integrated into the Honoré Police team and for the viewers to get to know her further.”

In March, the series has recommissioned by the BBC for two more seasons.

Death in Paradise season 9 is coming soon to BBC One

 

 

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Death in Paradise: Why did Sara Martins leave Death in Paradise?

DEATH IN PARADISE has been on our screens for almost 9 years and throughout the show’s history many cast members have come and gone. But why exactly did Sara Martins leave Death in Paradise? Here’s everything you need to know about why Martins left the BBC series.

Death in Paradise season nine is coming to BBC One in early 2020. Sara Martins was part of the show’s original cast, starring in the crime drama from 2011 until 2015. Martins is a French-Portuguese actress and is best known for her roles in French television and film.

Why did Sara Martins leave Death in Paradise?

Sara Martins starred in Death in Paradise as DS Camille Bordey.

Martins played the role of DS Camille Bordey from 2011 until 2015.She first appeared in episode one of Death in Paradise in 2011 and was last seen in season four, episode four.

Bordey was an undercover investigator who, at first, did not get on with new Detective Inspector Richard Poole (played by Ben Miller).

Sara Martins starred in Death in Paradise as DS Camille Bordey.

Sara Martins starred in Death in Paradise as DS Camille Bordey. (Image: GETTY)

As time went on, Poole and Martins got closer and even verged on having a romantic relationship.

Sadly, Poole was killed off in season three and DI Humphrey Goodman (Kris Marshall) replaced him.

Goodman had expressed romantic feelings for Martins’ character but nothing happened between them until Camille announced the was moving to a new job in Paris.

As she left the island of Saint Marie, she kissed Goodman goodbye.

Camilla was written out of the show by securing a new undercover job in Paris.

Speaking about the decision to leave Death in Paradise, Martins told What’s On TV?: “I’ve loved everything about the show but the only way to grow in life is to take risks, even if it means losing something you love or leaving a place that’s comfortable.

“You should always go forward and take new challenges.“

However, Martins did not rule out returning to Death in Paradise.

She said: “We wanted to make the best exit, and they didn’t want to kill me off, there was no reason to. And who knows? There’s always the possibility I can come back.

Sara Martins is a French-Portugese actress

Sara Martins is a French-Portugese actress (Image: GETTY)

Who is Sara Martins?

Sara Martins is a French-Portuguese actress from Faro, Portugal

She is best known for appearances in French television and film.

Martins made her debut acting role in the French series Police District.

Since then she has starred in the French films, Tell No One, Beyond the Ocean, Paris Je t’aime, Summer Hours and Little White Lies.

Death in Paradise was her debut role on British television.

Since leaving Death in Paradise in 2015, Martins has gone on to star in the NBC series American Odyssey as Serena and The law of Alexandre.

Martins has also appeared in Captain Marleau and Father Brown.

 

Sara Martins starred in Death in Paradise from 2011 until 2015

Sara Martins starred in Death in Paradise from 2011 until 2015 (Image: GETTY)

When is Death in Paradise season 9 out?

The BBC has not confirmed an official release date for the new series of Death in Paradise.

The previous eight seasons have premiered in January, apart from season one which arrived on screens in October 2011, so season nine is expected to arrive in early 2020.

Filming for season nine is currently underway on the French-Carribean island of Guadaloupe.

Death in Paradise fans will be pleased to know that the BBC renewed Death in Paradise for two seasons last year, meaning fans can expect season nine in 2020 and season 10 in 2021.

Express.co.uk will update this article when more information is available.

Death in Paradise season 9 is currently in production.

 
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Tales of Rock: Insane Stories From Aerosmith’s Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top – Part 2

Tyler Remembers Being Embarrassed After Getting Too High To Perform

Steven Tyler has had several stints in rehab, but his most rampant drug use occurred throughout the ’70s and ’80s. Tyler remembers getting so high while he was performing that he frequently passed out on stage. Tyler told NME:

I can remember one time I fell down and my foot kept going like this [shakes foot wildly] and this guy carried me off and I went “I just drank too much.” I was embarrassed. I literally couldn’t finish the show.

He added, “We just got caught up in it. We were too rich, too young, too dumb. That’s all. I just got caught up in it, I loved it. I went too far with it.”

Steven Tyler Kept His Drugs In is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list Insane Stories From Aerosmith's Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top
Photo: Does the Noise in my Head Bother You?/Amazon
Steven Tyler Kept His Drugs In A Drum On Stage

Steven Tyler and the gang already had a roadie whose sole job was to give them continuous bumps of cocaine, but that wasn’t enough for Tyler, who kept his stash in a drum on stage.

“I kept my medicine cabinet on stage, in a 14-inch drum head, the bottom of which contained… one Dixie cup with a straw and blow in it and the other with Coca-Cola and Jack Daniels in it,” he wrote in Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?

The Band Wouldn't Sleep Wi is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list Insane Stories From Aerosmith's Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top
Photo: daigooliva/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY-SA 2.0
The Band Wouldn’t Sleep With Groupies For 10 Days Before Going Home To Their Wives

For Aerosmith, cheating on their wives and girlfriends wasn’t so much a moral dilemma. The only real issue was getting caught. To prevent this, the band had a rule that no one would have sex for 10 days before the end of a tour. This allegedly gave them enough time to refuel their “reserves.”

 

“You didn’t have sex for 10 days at the end of tour, but that was so you’d be sure to go home with a full cup of chowder. If you didn’t, you were definitely suspect,” Tyler told Elle.

Steven Tyler Fell Off Stage An is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list Insane Stories From Aerosmith's Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top
Photo: US Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 3rd Class Christopher B. Stoltz/Wikimedia Commons/Public Domain
Steven Tyler Fell Off Stage And Had To Be Airlifted To A Hospital

In 2009, a 61-year-old Steven Tyler found himself within inches of death when he fell off a stage during a performance in Rapid City, South Dakota. The singer had been snorting the sleep aid Lunesta when he took a tumble. Tyler was airlifted to a local hospital where he got 20 stitches in the back of his head and discovered that his shoulder was shattered.

 

“I was doing the Tyler shuffle and then I zigged when I should have zagged…AND I slipped, and as I live on the edge… I fell off the edge,” Tyler said in a statement.

 

The singer managed to finish the song like a pro, but the band had to cancel their tour. Tyler, who has a titanium knee from a previous stage accident, was “grateful” that he didn’t break his neck and later admittedto being high during the accident.

ROCKThe Best Aerosmith Albums of All Timesee more Aerosmith lists
Joe Perry Played Guitar On An Unsettling Song By Serge Gainsbourg
Ranker Video
Video: YouTube

Aerosmith aren’t strangers to singing about attraction to family members, but “Janie’s Got a Gun” doesn’t hold a candle to French pop singer Serge Gainsbourg’s song “Lemon Incest,” a duet about interbreeding sung with his young daughter in far-too-intimate tones. When translated into English, the lyrics read “Exquisite outline, delicious child, my flesh and blood/Oh my baby, my soul/incest lemon, lemon incest.” The video featured a shirtless Gainsbourg lying in bed with his daughter. Joe Perry lent his guitar skills to the track.

Joe Perry Claims Steven Tyler  is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list Insane Stories From Aerosmith's Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top
Photo: daigooliva/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY-SA 2.0
Joe Perry Claims Steven Tyler Tried To Get Involved In One Of His Relationships

When Joe Perry was 21 years old, he had an affair with actress Judy Carne, who was 11 years his senior. Judy opened his eyes to a new world of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. She had a doctor’s bag that was filled with cocaine, pill bottles, powders and syringes. Most of her drugs were totally legal, prescribed to her by a doctor. She even managed to get a prescription of cocaine.

 

This was all very attractive to Steven Tyler, especially because Carne was generous when it came to sharing her drugs. According to Perry, Tyler not only wanted to get into her stash, but he wanted to have a threesome and repeatedly called Perry hoping to be invited over. During this time, Carne was bed-ridden because of an injury, and Perry wasn’t having it.

 

“I now sensed that Steven wanted to get into her doctor’s bag — and maybe get into something else. I never invited him over,” Perry recalled in his memoir Rocks: My Life In and Out of Aerosmith. “Forced to stay off her fee, Judy was naked most of the time and didn’t want company. I had no interest in a threesome and neither did she. We just wanted to be alone.”

Steven Tyler Never Told His Ba is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list Insane Stories From Aerosmith's Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top
Photo: FOX
Steven Tyler Never Told His Band He Was Joining ‘American Idol,’ And They Were Furious

Steven Tyler wasn’t in a good place with his bandmates when he started thinking about being a judge on American Idol. The Aerosmith singer had recently undergone surgery after falling from a stage and being taken to a hospital. None of his bandmates visited him during his recovery, which definitely soured the singer. His bandmates weren’t too thrilled either when they found out Tyler had taken the job behind their backs. Joe Perry reported to the Boston Herald that he discovered Tyler’s new gig through the internet “like the rest of the world.”

 

Tyler’s bandmates were furious that the singer became an American Idol judge without telling them, and they consistently threatened to replace the singer in their project of 40 years.

 

“It’s his business, but I don’t want Aerosmith’s name involved with [American Idol]. We have nothing to do with it,” Perry said in an interview. “[Idol] is a reality show designed to get people to watch that station and sell advertising… it’s one step above Ninja Turtles… [You’ve got] four guys that are great together, and if you find the right singer, there’s no reason you can’t go and entertain people,” he added.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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