If Only – Part 2

Honolulu, HI – September, 1980

As night fell on the island, Jack and Adhira had dinner at Roy’s Hawaii Kai.

“Food’s great here. Remember when we worked that surveillance gig back in’78?”

“Yea. That was a crazy time, Adhira. It’s been two years. You still look the same.”

“You look a little tired, Jack. Have you read the file?”

“Probably jet lag, that’s all. Yea, I read it on the plane out here. The guy seems a bit nuts but I don’t see the urgency here.”

“Well, if Marty hired you it must mean something. How bad is your life? You’re in Hawaii for goodness’ sake.”

“Yea, but why are you here, Adhira?”

“Oh, thanks a lot, Jack. Way to make a girl feel welcome.”

“You know what I mean. I always work alone. I just like it that way. Free to move around how and when I want.”

“Marty just thought that you could use a little company on the road for this sort of job. You know my skills. One of them is to keep whoever I’m with calm and centered. And you know how you can sometimes be.”

“How can I be, Adhira?”

“A little intense. You tend to get a little obsessed with the work. I’m here to provide you with a bit of balance.”

“Did Marty tell you that about me?”

“There are files on all of us, Jack. Now eat your butterfish.”

Jack grinned and took a mouthful. He looked into Adhira’s dark eyes. She smiled and sipped her wine. He always wondered how such a beautiful woman could end up working at the agency. That lovely face framed with raven tresses that tumbled about her shoulders like a moonless river.

“So what’s your take on this guy, Jack?”

“Well, as I said, he seems a little nuts. Textbook upbringing. His father was a sergeant in the air force, and his mom was a nurse. Dad was a little abusive to his mom and he never felt like his old man loved him. That sounds like my family. What son hasn’t thought that about their father?”

“Yea, and he wasn’t athletic in school and sort of a poor student. Kind of a loser.”

“Yea, kind of like me. But then there’s all the religious stuff he’s gotten into. I think that’s where the real trouble normally begins. People get these righteous ideas, and some can get a little fanatical about that. My ex-wife was religious and she had a lot of good intentions if you get what I mean.”

“Yea. The road to hell is paved with them. I get you. This guy did have some early success working at that kid’s camp in Georgia. Maybe he should have just kept doing that.”

“But I think as he’s gotten older he’s started to unravel a bit. I don’t know what happens to some people. Most of us get disillusioned and sad about stuff, but we move on. Then other people just can’t seem to pull themselves out of it. It’s a real shame.”

Did you see in the file how he starts to get into these altercations with the camp counselors and can’t seem to fit in anywhere?”

“Right. Which for some odd reason brings him out here. It’s odd. It’s expensive to live on this island. It’s a resort. Then he attempts suicide by asphyxiation in his car but screws that up too when the hose he stuck on the exhaust pipe melts, and he survives. Some people move to California thinking they’ll start a new life. But like the Joad family in The Grapes of Wrath, it’s just the last exit for the lost. But why Hawaii to kill yourself?”

“Maybe to die in paradise? Didn’t they give him a job at the mental hospital they stuck him after his attempted suicide?”

“Yea, but then he got into an altercation with the head nurse and quit. I think the last job he held was as a security guard. Funny how he’s good with the kids at the camp, then works at a hospital, and then in security. It’s like he’s always working in jobs that serve and protect human life. But then he starts drinking and that’s never a good thing if you’re suffering from mental illness.”

“I think it’s only made his obsessions worse.”

“Yea, booze makes you feel better in the beginning but after a while, it sledgehammers everything else in your life.”

“Speaking from personal experience, Jack?”

“What do you think?”

Tune in tomorrow for the conclusion!

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Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 7

The days crawled by. I saw just about everybody on the list in September, individually or in small groups. But it proved impossible to find an occasion when all 11 of us were free.

Finally, Thanksgiving weekend loomed. Leo and I both skipped off that Friday. We packed our overnight bags and the costumes in the backseat, along with some food supplies Teresa had asked us to pick up.

Then we went shopping for the booze. Everybody had given us their requests. We got six cases of beer (two-fours, in Canadian slang), and three cases of wine. I wasn’t sure that we had enough wine. Then we added a case of liquor. Most of it was rum, or flavoured rum, but there was also vodka, tequila, scotch, and even a bottle of peppermint schnapps (Leo was on a schnapps kick).

– “Schnapps?” I asked him. “For pirates?”

– “It won’t go to waste.” he said. “Just imagine that we’re sailing past some German island.”

As you can probably guess, geography and history weren’t Leo’s strong suits.

– “You psyched?” he asked me.

– “Just a little.” I admitted.

While he was rearranging things in the backseat, I saw that Leo had packed a box of 12 condoms in his overnight bag.

– “Somebody’s optimistic.” I commented.

– “Hey – Be Prepared. That’s my motto.”

– “You have about 100 mottos, Leo.” I said.

– “You can never have enough mottos.” he replied.

– “That’s 101.”

I didn’t kid him too much about the condoms. After all, I had packed a dozen of my own. I was hoping for an epic weekend, too.

 

 

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Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 2

As I expected, Eric had no plans for Thanksgiving weekend. He found the whole concept a bit twisted. He understood the appeal of trying to solve the mystery, but not the costumes.

– “You mean people dress up to do this shit?” he asked.

– “They do indeed.” I told him. “And so will you.”

– “Alright. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. There will be rum, right?”

Sheila was a lot more enthusiastic, when she answered my phone call.

– “And we get to dress up? Like pirates?” she asked.

– “That’s the plan.” I agreed.

– “I don’t have to be a saucy wench, or a watery tart?”

– “No.” I laughed. “That’s Monty Python, as you well know. This is Teresa we’re talking about: women can be pirate captains, and swashbuckle like the men. If that’s a word.”

– “What part do I get?” Sheila wanted to know.

– “Teresa will be letting us know once we’re all aboard.” I said.

– “Ooh – ship puns. Or is it that shit puns?” she said. “I better start practicing.” She held the phone a few inches from her face, and let loose a loud ‘Aaaaargh, matey!’ With her deep, mannish voice, it sounded awesome. “I love the idea, Colin. You can tell her I’m in for sure.”

I called Teresa with the good news.

– “Perfect.” she said. “Thank you, Colin. We’re almost ready to start. I’ll send out the introduction and the character descriptions. But I’d like to use you as a guinea pig, if you don’t mind. Can I show you what I’m planning to send the others, and get your feedback?”

– “I would be glad to help.” I told her.

We met at the cafe again. Teresa greeted me warmly once again, and then turned her laptop around to show me the screen.

– “Here’s the intro.” she said.

For more than three decades, the dread pirate Redbeard terrorized the Caribbean, plundering and pillaging far and wide. No one was safe: Spanish, Dutch, English and French ships and towns were all targets of his insatiable greed and bloodlust. In the course of his far-flung depredations, Redbeard was said to have accumulated a considerable treasure hoard. According to legend, the old pirate was too paranoid to bury his ill-gotten gains on some deserted island. Instead, he carried them with him, aboard his pirate ship, the notorious Sea Demon.

Finally, justice caught up with the dread pirate. An anonymous tip led the Governor of Jamaica’s soldiers to the Mouldy Maggot, a dockside tavern where Redbeard and members of his crew were drinking and roistering while the Sea Demon rode at anchor in Kingston harbour. Thoroughly inebriated, Redbeard was easily overcome by the redcoats, and captured. His erstwhile crew scattered to the four winds. The Governor loaded the dread pirate with chains, and confiscated his ship, the Sea Demon. The vessel was appropriated by the Royal Navy, and re-christened HMS Retribution.

The Governor has ordered Captain Teresa Fairwind to transport the prisoner to Bermuda, where he will face a swift trial and public execution. Captain Fairwind has been given the Royal Navy’s newest vessel, HMS Retribution. A new crew was swiftly recruited from the experienced local sailors and sea-dogs.

YOU are a member of the crew.

Read the description of your character, and dress appropriately. Further instructions will be made available upon arrival.

When I had finished reading, I looked up at her.

– “What do you think?” she asked.

– “Honestly?”

– Aren’t you always honest with me?” she asked, with that bewitching half-smile. It had been one of our favourite ‘pet’ phrases when we were dating.

– “It’s cute.” I said. “A bit melodramatic, a bit campy – like an old Errol Flynn movie.”

– “That’s fine.” she said. “Kind of what I was aiming for.”

– “And you’re the Captain?”

She nodded. “I thought it would be easier than coming up with complicated instructions for one of the players. Speaking of which: here are your instructions.” Teresa spun the laptop around, opened a new file, and then turned it back to face me again.

You are NED MULLIGAN.

– “Ned Mulligan?” I asked her. “Really?”

– “Remember that time you took me golfing?” she reminded me.

I did. Like most novices, Teresa missed the ball completely several times, but she also managed to knock three golf balls into the water, and hit two golf carts and a vending machine. She was able to laugh at herself, and enjoyed the outing, but she found the whole concept of a ‘mulligan’ fascinating’.

– “You mean I get to hit it again?” she wanted to know.

– “Yeah. Go ahead and tee it up again.” I said.

– “And it doesn’t count as a stroke?” She looked at me sideways, squinting, as if suspicious that I was trying to trick her.

– “That’s the whole idea.” I confirmed.

– “Isn’t that cheating?” she asked.

– “You wouldn’t do it in a tournament, or if you were playing for money. But it’s only a friendly game, and I’m the one inviting you to take a mulligan. A do-over.”

Now she just smiled at me. “Keep reading.” she said.

As a young man, you were a pirate, and a member of Redbeard’s crew. You were brave and clever, so that Redbeard made you one of his lieutenants. But he grew too bloodthirsty for your taste, and also promoted some unsavoury characters alongside you, including the Falcon, and the Scar.

You chose to leave his crew, and jumped ship at Tortuga, taking a bag of doubloons with you. Redbeard swore revenge, and offered a bounty for your head. Both the Falcon and the Scar vowed that they would earn that bounty. The Scar, in particular, promised to drink a toast from your skull. You have been on the run ever since.

You were in Kingston, Jamaica, and horrified to learn that the Sea Demon was in port. But you were equally delighted to learn of Redbeard’s capture – serves him right. You hear the gossip in the dockside taverns: Redbeard’s crew are all over the place. What if one of them recognizes you? The ship HMS Retribution is leaving for Bermuda. Is Redbeard’s treasure still hidden aboard?

You sign on as a sailor …

YOU HAVE – A PISTOL

YOU KNOW:

– THERE IS A PLOT TO FREE REDBEARD AND HELP HIM ESCAPE

– THE FALCON IS ABOARD, DISGUISED AS A MEMBER OF THE CREW

– THE TREASURE IS HIDDEN SOMEWHERE ABOARD THE SHIP

– YOU ONCE CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF A LETTER BELONGING TO REDBEARD. IT MAY HAVE CONTAINED THE SECRET OF THE TREASURE’S LOCATION. UNFORTUNATELY, YOU ONLY SAW ONE LETTER … IT WAS THE LETTER ‘C’

– “There’s a treasure, too?” I asked. “Or is that instead of a murder?”

– “Both.” said Teresa. “I’m going to space out the murder mystery clues, so that no one can solve it on the first day. But I thought a treasure made sense. This will keep people searching. Plus, we can have multiple winners – solving the mystery, or finding the treasure.”

– “Very clever.” I told her.

– “How about the character description? What do you think?” she asked me.

– “Couldn’t I be ‘Wicked Ned’, or ‘Lusty Ned Longsword’?”

– “You’re Ned Mulligan.” she told me, firmly. “Get used to it. If it’s any consolation, that’s your secret identity. Until somebody else guesses or uncovers who you really are, they’ll only know you as Able Seaman Colin. Everybody will use their real name as an alias.”

– “How many letters are there in the treasure code?” I had to try.

She wagged a finger at me. “No more clues for you. Seriously, Colin – what do you think?”

– “I love it. The description gives me enough of an idea to base my character on. And I’m all pumped up to go out and get a costume. How does the pistol work? Do I have to get a replica pistol?”

– “No.” she said. “I’ll put the items on pieces of paper, so that people can hide them in a pocket, or wherever.”

We discussed the mechanics of the game, without getting too specific. Knowing the people who were participating, I thought it would work well. I was more than looking forward to it: I was ready to start that very day.

Teresa and I discussed the weekend and the game for a long time. We both had two large coffees, and were beginning to feel the effects of too much caffeine.

– “Walk me home?” she asked.

As we walked, we continued to discuss her ideas. She seemed quite taken with some of my suggestions, but wouldn’t give me any hints about whether she planned to use them or not.

– “And you’ll help people get costumes?” she asked, again.

– “I promised.” I reminded her.

– “I’ll hold you to that.”

 

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5 Ways Husbands Make Their Wives Feel Ugly Without Saying A Thing

1. He withholds compliments.

So if woman looks attractive while putting on jewelry, she wants her husband to tell her. If a man is amazed at his wife’s ability to multi-task, he needs to let her know. If a woman whips-up the most incredible shrimp linguini, her husband should suggest she open a restaurant.

It’s no surprise that when a woman’s heart is weighed down, “a kind word cheers it up”(Proverbs 12:25).

2. He has no pictures of his wife–anywhere.

I once visited my husband at work and saw something beautiful: Me! There I was, sitting on his desk—inside a little frame for all to see. I felt honored and cherished, and if I’m honest, a little flirty: Can’t get enough of me when you’re not home, eh, big guy?

So if a man is serious about affirming his wife 24/7 and is looking for ways to “publicly declare her praise” (Proverbs 31:31), he should frame a photo of her—his favorite one with the flower in her hair—and put it in a place of prominence. Even a quick switch-out of his phone’s wallpaper will do the trick. And taking down all girly posters in the garage goes without saying.

3. He gawks frequently.

For every married man who does a double-take at the beach or repeatedly glances at the hottie on aisle five, there’s a married woman who feels undesirable and inadequate. Eventually she’ll believe she’s not good enough. And with a steady diet of checking-out the ladies, her husband will come to believe that about her as well.

Since gawking at women in public can easily lead to gawking in private, a man must check himself before a marital affair or addiction to porn ruins his life—“for anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

4. He never gives her gifts.

I’ll never forget how pretty I felt the day my husband bought me a blouse he picked out all by himself. Why? Because he thought I’d look good in it. I then pictured him shopping, saying to himself, “I want to see her in this.” The entire gesture made him attractive to me and made me feel attractive; it was a win-win.

But the best gift a man can give to his relationally-wired wife is himself. And talk about a win-win, for it’ll free her to become generous in return (Proverbs 11:25). Poet Kahil Gibran once wrote: “You give but little when you give of your possessions; it is when you give of yourself that you truly live.”

5. He constantly looks at his phone.

The days of sitting together—on a couch, at a restaurant, in the car—without the lure of a phone, beckoning to be checked every 18 seconds, are long gone. But when a man makes the first move and puts his phone down, making eye contact like it was their very first date, his woman is sure to feel seen and heard—the very opposite of ugly.

1 Peter 3:7 says a man is to live with his wife “according to knowledge,” which means to know her, and the only way that can happen is to limit distractions.

 

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Ambria – Chapter 16 – Atlantic City – Part 4

Sorry…. NSFW

Go here people…

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=562

 

 

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5 Good International Cities to Meet Women

Websites like Swoop the world are solely focused on the subject of meeting girls in an international and global context. I am also one of those who pushes for so-called love tourism, although equally or more concerned about politics, culture, fitness, and philosophy.

Much has been said about this, and there are definitely several locations that are worth going to in East Asia, South America, Europe, Latin America, and the Caribbean. Perhaps even more regions if they become more Westernized and reach a certain level of material and economic development.

For a man who has limited time, however, there are five cities that are particularly good to focus on if you want the odds to be more in your favor. Perhaps in the end he has only time and opportunity to visit one of them, hence choose wisely.

The reason for these being the most appropriate is that in all of these locations the respective local culture is modern enough to “encourage” casual sex, the obesity rates are low, a large share of women are average to good-looking (partly because they often are thin), male competition is low to moderate, and the populations are large (10 million or more), leading to a near-endless pool of females. To visit so-called emerging markets comes with several downsides, such as poverty, higher crime rates (Latin America) and bad infrastructure, but since the main object is to get laid you have to ignore that.

1. Manila (Philippines)

The capital of the Philippines offers a lot of young and petite females that you can meet online, at bars and clubs, and occasionally through day game and fleeting social circles.

If you are a fairly good-looking guy (preferably of European, North American or Northeast Asian origin) with normal conversation abilities and level of confidence, rent an AirBnb, apartment or at least stay at a hotel for the short time being. You should have no problem finding a significant number of average to good-looking girls, although seldom prettier than SMV 8. Generally you can talk about all kinds of things with girls but make sure to keep frame and avoid contentious and complicated issues.

Make sure to pipeline a bit through dating apps/websites just before you go and create an abundance of opportunities. Look out for prostitutes and city gangs and don’t cause any trouble. Drugs should likewise be avoided. You may have heard about Rodrigo Duterte’s tough drug policies, which involve killings of dealers, even users.

You will do well with just English here.

Population: 12 million

Apps: Tinder, FilipinoCupid, Pinalove

2. Jakarta (Indonesia)

Although Jakarta is partly a Muslim city in an Islamic country, it is also – only beaten by Bali in that regard –  a rather liberal and secular such with many horny young girls who want a piece of the white flesh. Although some of the hijab-wearing women might be open for sex, look for those who don’t wear them since it may save you some time and trouble. It is more likely that they are open for casual sex.

A combination of online game, night game, and a little bit of day game should do you good. Make sure to rent a place since only a few hotels allow guests to bring girls to their rooms.

Some nice clubs are Jenja, Immigrant, and Empirica. Be aware of hookers and semi-pros there, although there are even more of them at Firefly. Keep frame and don’t pay. There are plenty of normal girls, of about the same level of attractiveness as in the Philippines, to choose from. Talk abut this or that, have fun, and have balance between being fairly serious and fun and outgoing.

English will take you far most of the time, but try to learn some Indonesian before you go. That will help you connect with local females, even if it’s just a couple of words and phrases here and there.

Population: 30 million

Apps: Tinder, IndonesiaCupid

3. Bangkok (Thailand)

Bangkok is associated with crazy nightlife and lots of prostitutes, much like Thailand overall is. Another downside is the massive amount of tourists. Still there are plenty of normal girls in Bangkok who are eager to meet foreign men. Both in public and online, be aware of the large share and number of pros and keep frame.

Use proper apps, especially ThaiCupid, and visit bars and clubs that lean towards a higher percentage of non-pros (i.e. normal girls). Like in other major Southeast Asian cities you can expect to do well if you look average or better and have normal conversation skills. Still the better pictures and looks, and the more confidence and determined mindset, the more you will likely increase your notch count. You are not the only one who is looking for an attractive girl to sleep with.

As for conversational topics it is wise to know about Thai culture and bring up such subjects, plus being friendly and having fun. Be a lover, not a provider, although it might be positive to showcase some form of social and monetary status. Unless girls ask there is no reason to talk about complicated subjects or even your home country. Focus on Thailand, fun, and travel.

English will take you far most of the time, but try to learn some Thai before you go. That will help you connect with local females, even if it’s just 100 words/phrases.

Population: 15 million

Apps: Tinder, ThaiCupid, ThaiFriendly

4. Rio De Janeiro (Brazil)

Rio De Janeiro is one of few cities in the world where girls approach guys, and as such often in a very direct fashion. Although it is often easy to kiss some of these mulatto girls, often from lower classes and even favelas, it is a bit harder to get laid in comparison. Sometimes kissing is just kissing and nothing more. Still it is often fairly easy to score. Forget about Catholic virtues: many live for the moment, like the day was the last on earth.

Like in Southeast Asia you should use a combination of different types of game, but online game and night game are often more than enough. However, you should be slightly more aggressive and confident in comparison – show that you have balls, both literally and metaphorically speaking. Most girls are between 5-7, like in Southeast Asia, but some have better bodies and can reach 8 or 8.5 mark. Those you bring to your hotel or Airbnb, preferably in some appropriate area, like downtown Rio or near Copacabana.

Research a bit online regarding appropriate bars and clubs, since that may differ from one year to another. Stay away from shady areas, take a cab rather than to risk anything, and don’t flash jewelry and such.

English will not take you far most of the time, so try to learn some Portuguese before you go. That will help you connect with local females, even if it’s just a couple of words and phrases here and there.

Population: 12 million

Apps: Tinder, BrazilianCupid

5. Bogota (Colombia)

If you look into a dating website/app like ColombianCupid, you realize that there are girls which are really attractive in Colombia, and since the bodies are sometimes so hot they can peak at 8 or even 9. These girls are spread out in different cities like Medellin, Barranquilla, Cali and so on why it would be wise to check out some them if you can, but if time is limited the capital Bogota is more than enough.

If you solely focus on getting laid you should do well with just online game, but for a variety of reasons you should check out the nightlife as well.

English will often not take you far. Thus try to learn some Spanish before you go. That will help you connect with women, both online and in real life. Since Spanish is valuable to learn in general you may regard it is a small life project, at least for a certain part of it.

Population: 10 million

Apps: Tinder, ColombianCupid

Conclusion

I have provided five examples of cities that are appropriate to visit if you want to meet girls, as well as the methods and tools that will enable you to maximize your results. Needless to say you could also do a lot of other things while there, such as to enjoy food and other aspects of the local cultures, but this post mainly concerns dating.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – How To Make Your Relationship More Fun, According To Experts

No matter how much you love your partner, no matter how great you think your relationship is, it can sometimes feel a little… boring. But there’s no shame in that; it’s something that happens naturally and you may have to put in some extra effort to make your relationship fun again. “After you’ve been with your partner for a considerable amount of time, it’s normal for the honeymoon phase to end,” says therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW. “As we get into daily routines and have outside responsibilities — such as work, our social life, and self care — we often find our relationship becomes stale. If you prioritize and focus on getting the spark back, it certainly can be fixed.”

It’s easy to think that a relationship should naturally be at 110 percent excitement levels at all time — that if you’re really compatible then it will be non-stop fireworks without any work. But that’s just not true. “When things get boring, there needs to be an effort made to make things fun and exciting again,” relationship therapist Carolyn Cole, LCPC, LMFT, NCC tells us. “Things won’t become exciting without putting in some work. But, it can be fun and doesn’t need to feel like work!”

So if you feel like your relationship needs a little boost of fun, don’t panic about it. Here’s what you should try.

Surprise Each Other

Surprising each other is an easy way to make things feel more fun. “Routines can kill even the most loving relationships and make them feel boring. Bring back the spontaneity,” dating coach Shawnda Patterson tells Bustle.

My girlfriend and I regularly swap who plans date night and we don’t tell the other one what we’re doing until the day. It’s not hard to do, but it still manages keeps things a little more exciting then going to the same restaurant every Friday.

Try A New Activity

It can be fun to try something completely different with your partner, so go ice skating, rock climbing, or try a sushi-making class. And if you’re terrible at it? All the more fun — you can laugh through it together. Just be careful how you breach it with your partner. “Instead of blatantly telling your partner that you are bored, perhaps you suggest that you’ve been stuck in [a] rut … and you think it would be fun for the both of you to do something new together,” says clinical psychologist Dr. Sarah Williams.

Give Yourself Some Phone-Free Time

If you want to really have fun with your partner, you need to connect with them — and that means putting the phone away. “Mobile phones can have a negative impact on our attention span, as well as our ability to open up and communicate with others,” David Brudö, co-founder and CEO at mental wellbeing and personal development app Remente, tells Bustle. So make an agreement to put the phones to one side and really focus on each other. You may just remember why you fell in love with them in the first place if you stop mindlessly scrolling.

Flirt More

“Couples who stop flirting are couples who stop anticipating,” Certified Relationship Coach Chris Armstrong tells Bustle. “Things go blasé and what was once an unpredictable stroll is now an expected lull.”

So make sure you keep the flirting going. Send sexy text messages, kiss more, compliment each other, and inject some of that fun back in that came so easily when you were first together. It may feel awkward at first, but try your best to start flirting again.

Goof Off

Sometimes it’s fun just to be totally goofy with each other. “When we get to the comfortable, stable place of knowing we have ‘secure’ status with someone else, it’s common to lose the playfulness that got you together in the first place,” Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. My girlfriend and I spend around 99 percent of our time alone acting like idiots, and I love it.

“Give yourself permission to be silly — it’s easy to take relationships way too seriously,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship/dating coach and owner of The Popular Man, tells Bustle. “You don’t always have to be on your best behavior. Sometimes, it’s OK to simply have mindless laughter and goof around with your significant other.”

Travel Together

If you really feel stuck in a rut, don’t be afraid to change your scenery — it’s an easy change that can do a lot of good. “Changing your environment will help create new emotional responses to your partner, instead of triggering old undesirable ones,” says relationship expert Miyoko Rifkin. You don’t need to hop on a plane across the world (although that sounds like fun), even going to a new town or a new restaurant can trigger a change.

Come Up With A Bucket List

If you have trouble coming up with fun things to do on any given day, then coming up with a big list with your partner will give you something to refer back to. “Come up with a ‘bucket list’ and think about things you’ve always wanted to try that you can do together,” therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, tells Bustle. “Doing something out of the ordinary can add both excitement to the relationship and help you feel more connected to your partner.” Then, when you’re both feeling bored or out of ideas, pick something off of the list to try.

Relationships don’t have to be a constant rollercoaster — and you should definitely enjoy some quiet moments with your partner — but it should still be fun. Keeping relationships feeling exciting takes a bit of effort sometimes, but know that it’ll be well worth it.

 

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