Tales of Rock – The 7 Most Gruesome Rock ‘N’ Roll Legends (And Whether They’re True)

If the legends are to be believed, a rock star’s day is two hours of playing music and 22 hours of sex, drugs and worshiping Satan. Are the legends true, though? We assembled the most unsettling myths and, wearing elbow-length rubber gloves, took a closer look.

Stevie Nicks Rides the White Horse

The legend: Stevie Nicks, easily the most bangable member of Fleetwood Mac, was at one time so tolerant to the effects of cocaine use that in order to achieve a healthy, atomic-grade high she had to have it blown up her rectum.

Why it grosses us out: Because people who snort cocaine nasally spend approximately 90 percent of their time wiping their constantly running noses. If the legend is true, things don’t look good for that awesome dragon chair she’s sitting on.

Why we still hope it’s true: Aside from giving us reason to discuss Stevie Nicks’ ass in social situations, it would be the most hardcore thing anyone’s done with their body since that dude at Lollapalooza hung a bowling ball off his dong.

Shoving cocaine up your ass is extra-strength crazy, unless of course it’s your source of livelihood (apologies to any drug mules who may have been offended). As an added bonus, it could be considered an anthropological throwback to the Mayans, who used to imbibe alcohol through their rectal lining via beer douches. Tastes great and less filling! Not that you’ll notice.

Yeah, but is it: Nicks most certainly blew the blow, and it is biologically feasible that one could get high by reverse-farting cocaine, but we still find the claim pretty dubious. She has publicly denied it, which could be taken as proof either way. If someone at work started spreading a rumor that at last year’ Christmas party, you snorted cocaine through your sphincter, would you dignify it with an on-the-record denial?

As far as the official record is concerned, the field remains wide open for a phicklephilly reader brave enough to claim the title “first person to take cocaine anally.” Get to it!

KISS’ Comic Book Petri Dish

The legend: KISS, in one of the more ridiculous marketing gimmicks of the last 50 years, mixed vials of their own blood into the red ink used to color the blood for the first issue of Marvel’s KISS comic series.

Why it grosses us out: KISS isn’t exactly the model of sexual restraint. Their blood would probably be more valuable at a clinic documenting the evolution of various strands of STDs since the ’70s, and less valuable staining our finger tips. We’ll stick with our Whitesnake coloring book, thank you very much.

Why we still hope it’s true: No one does zany, goofy, ultimately innocuous horror like KISS, and what better manifestation of that than mixing their blood with comic book ink? Yes, they’re bleeding, but at some point that blood is going to be mixed with the palm-sweat of a thousand chubby sixteen-year-olds as they read about Ace and Gene battling space-pirates with their righteous riffs.

Really, the only way this can be considered hardcore is if you assume-as we do-that the blood was not extracted by a needle, but rather sopped up from the floor after the guys rolled in bacon fat and waded through a trough of alligators.

Yeah, but is it: Absolutely. KISS flew to Marvel’s inking facility in between tour stops and dumped vials of blood into the red-ink vat. Not only is there a picture of it happening, but it was witnessed by a notary public and subject to a signed contract. Comic fans are apparently very particular about the validity of their blood-infused inks. You can now rest assured that if you see someone licking a KISS comic, they are either a vampire or a huge freak.

Mick Jagger’s Goes to Mars

The legend: Mick “the rooster” Jagger was caught during a drug bust eating a Mars Bar from between the legs of Marianne Faithfull, as well as nude in bed with effeminate rocker David Bowie. And, he was caught by Bowie’s wife, no less.

Why we still hope it’s true: We like our rockers like we like our parents: androgynous and sex-crazed. Jagger eating a candy bar out of someone’s cooch is alright, but ultimately just another entry in the pantheon of “rockers have so much sex they get bored with it and do crazy shit” stories. Add in some Bowie-humping, though, and you’ve got rock-legend magic.

The only thing that could make it better would be if Prince had filmed the whole thing and the tape leaked to the Internet, revealing Bowie in full makeup and demanding to be called “Major Tom.” We can dream, can’t we?

Yeah, but is it: In a happy twist of fate for lovers of bizarre celebrity behavior, the Mars Bar bit is a definite no, but the Bowie-banging may actually have some truth to it. Police did bust in on Jagger and Faithfull looking for drugs, but reported no sexual activity other than the fact that Faithfull was naked except for a large blanket. By rock standards, she might as well have been in a burka.

As for the latter incident, Bowie’s wife detailed it on an episode of Joan Rivers’ radio show, but later claimed that the men weren’t having sex, just nude in bed, which, you know, is totally normal.

Frank Zappa Eats Poo

The legend: Misanthropic hermit and erstwhile experimental rocker/composer Frank Zappa got in an onstage gross-out contest with friend Captain Beefheart, in which Beefheart took a dump onstage. Zappa then promptly won the contest–and put Ozzy Osborne’ bat stunt to shame– by scooping up a handful of poop and popping it in his mouth.

Why it grosses us out: Because it’ the most disgusting thing you could possibly do, other than eating two pieces of shit.

Why we still hope it’ true: OK, we kind of don’t, since we like Frank Zappa and it would force us to lose a healthy amount of respect for the guy. But, his notoriously bizarre musical style, and the fact that he named his kids Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen, doesn’t help his case much.

Put that guy in front of a crowd, goaded on by a competition and under pressure to perform, and who knows what he’s capable of? As anyone who’s watched Fear Factor knows, people will eat a lot of crazy shit for very little compensation. Of course, this would be the first time the phrase “eating crazy shit” was used so literally.

Yeah, but is it: Despite strident and persistent claims from fans who “totally saw it happen,” it almost certainly didn’t. Zappa was actually boringly conservative for a rambling guitar rocker and was one of the most vocal anti-drug performers of his time. When asked directly about the incident, Zappa said, “I never took a shit on stage, and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, N.C.”

Marilyn Manson Gets Flexible

The legend: Marilyn Manson, who decided getting breast implants and being an ordained priest in the Church of Satan didn’t make him creepy enough, had his lowest set of ribs removed so he could perform autofellatio (That’ where you blow yourself. Read a book, dammit.).

Why it grosses us out: There’ basically nothing Marilyn Manson can do that wouldn’t make us uncomfortable. Also, this myth requires that you acknowledge the existence of Marilyn Manson’ penis, which we’re assuming bares its fangs and writhes around like a snake when exposed to daylight.

Why we still hope it’ true: We, uh … have this friend that’ worried he’ going to break his neck, and we think it would just make things easier on “¦ our friend if this “¦ Oh hell, it does not make you gay if you try it to yourself. Ok?

Yeah, but is it: A thorough investigation into the matter, conducted only for the purposes of this article, proved that there is no evidence of a successful rib-removal surgery in all of the Western world. Of course, that doesn’t take into account the Eastern world, as well as any surgery attempts that aren’t on record. Also, medical research conducted for this article, and only for this article, reveal that it would actually be more helpful to remove a vertebrate.

Rod Stewart Gets Pumped

The legend: Rod Stewart passed out at an after party and had to get his stomach pumped after ingesting a gallon of semen.

Why it grosses us out: A gallon of semen? We can’t even get through a gallon of milk without throwing up.

Why we still hope it’ true: The Rod Stewart-semen-stomach-pump story blazed a path for the same rumor to be applied to countless modern pop stars. There was Jon Bon Jovi, various members of New Kids on the Block and, more recently, Justin Timberlake.

So, either blowing thousands of dudes is a proud tradition passed down from one pop star generation to the next, or there is an intergenerational tendency among American men to imagine popular male musicians with dicks in their mouths. We’ll take the option where Jon Bon Jovi’ the creep and we’re just doing our jobs reporting the gruesome facts.

Yeah, but is it: It’ almost definitely false, though Rod isn’t helping his case with his denials. In a Rolling Stone interview Stewart commented, “It was so laughable, it never really hurt me. What could it have been? A fleet of fucking sailors? Or, footballers?” They cut the quote off there, but we’re assuming Stewart continued naming the professions of all of the different people he didn’t blow to get that much semen in his stomach.

Led Zeppelin’s Mud Shark

The legend: While staying at the Edgewater Hotel in 1969-a hotel that allows guests to fish from their room balconies-Led Zeppelin caught a mud shark and then proceeded to use it sexually on a bound groupie. Exactly how is a matter for grim speculation only.

Why it grosses us out: Because it sounds like an even more disturbing version of the most disturbing scene in A Clockwork Orange. It also, for whatever reason, makes us acknowledge the existence of Marilyn Manson’ dick again.

Why we still hope it’ true: The way we heard it, the chick was totally into it, which helps undercut the “Oh, my God, that’s horrific” factor. Still, a shark? And, you thought that little pussy-riding prop you brought home to spice things up was “edgy.” Try introducing Jaws to your significant other’s privates and see if one or both of you doesn’t end up taking a trip to the emergency room.

This legend is also appealing because it takes some of the sting out of realizing your favorite rock band is singing primarily about Lord of the Rings characters. Zep aren’t nerds, man! Zep boned a chick with a fucking shark!

Yeah, but is it: Sort of, but in a stripped-down, pathetic kind of way. The widely accepted “true version” of the legend is that the band’s road manager Richard Cole caught a red snapper, and, as the groupie in question was a natural red-head, made the inevitable lame joke and applied the fish to her crimson honeypot. Legend also has it that John Bonham was present, but otherwise engaged in a rousing game of Dungeons and Dragons.

 

 

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Tales of Rock: Insane Stories From Aerosmith’s Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top – Part 2

Tyler Remembers Being Embarrassed After Getting Too High To Perform

Steven Tyler has had several stints in rehab, but his most rampant drug use occurred throughout the ’70s and ’80s. Tyler remembers getting so high while he was performing that he frequently passed out on stage. Tyler told NME:

I can remember one time I fell down and my foot kept going like this [shakes foot wildly] and this guy carried me off and I went “I just drank too much.” I was embarrassed. I literally couldn’t finish the show.

He added, “We just got caught up in it. We were too rich, too young, too dumb. That’s all. I just got caught up in it, I loved it. I went too far with it.”

Steven Tyler Kept His Drugs In is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list Insane Stories From Aerosmith's Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top
Photo: Does the Noise in my Head Bother You?/Amazon
Steven Tyler Kept His Drugs In A Drum On Stage

Steven Tyler and the gang already had a roadie whose sole job was to give them continuous bumps of cocaine, but that wasn’t enough for Tyler, who kept his stash in a drum on stage.

“I kept my medicine cabinet on stage, in a 14-inch drum head, the bottom of which contained… one Dixie cup with a straw and blow in it and the other with Coca-Cola and Jack Daniels in it,” he wrote in Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?

The Band Wouldn't Sleep Wi is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list Insane Stories From Aerosmith's Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top
Photo: daigooliva/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY-SA 2.0
The Band Wouldn’t Sleep With Groupies For 10 Days Before Going Home To Their Wives

For Aerosmith, cheating on their wives and girlfriends wasn’t so much a moral dilemma. The only real issue was getting caught. To prevent this, the band had a rule that no one would have sex for 10 days before the end of a tour. This allegedly gave them enough time to refuel their “reserves.”

 

“You didn’t have sex for 10 days at the end of tour, but that was so you’d be sure to go home with a full cup of chowder. If you didn’t, you were definitely suspect,” Tyler told Elle.

Steven Tyler Fell Off Stage An is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list Insane Stories From Aerosmith's Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top
Photo: US Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 3rd Class Christopher B. Stoltz/Wikimedia Commons/Public Domain
Steven Tyler Fell Off Stage And Had To Be Airlifted To A Hospital

In 2009, a 61-year-old Steven Tyler found himself within inches of death when he fell off a stage during a performance in Rapid City, South Dakota. The singer had been snorting the sleep aid Lunesta when he took a tumble. Tyler was airlifted to a local hospital where he got 20 stitches in the back of his head and discovered that his shoulder was shattered.

 

“I was doing the Tyler shuffle and then I zigged when I should have zagged…AND I slipped, and as I live on the edge… I fell off the edge,” Tyler said in a statement.

 

The singer managed to finish the song like a pro, but the band had to cancel their tour. Tyler, who has a titanium knee from a previous stage accident, was “grateful” that he didn’t break his neck and later admittedto being high during the accident.

ROCKThe Best Aerosmith Albums of All Timesee more Aerosmith lists
Joe Perry Played Guitar On An Unsettling Song By Serge Gainsbourg
Ranker Video
Video: YouTube

Aerosmith aren’t strangers to singing about attraction to family members, but “Janie’s Got a Gun” doesn’t hold a candle to French pop singer Serge Gainsbourg’s song “Lemon Incest,” a duet about interbreeding sung with his young daughter in far-too-intimate tones. When translated into English, the lyrics read “Exquisite outline, delicious child, my flesh and blood/Oh my baby, my soul/incest lemon, lemon incest.” The video featured a shirtless Gainsbourg lying in bed with his daughter. Joe Perry lent his guitar skills to the track.

Joe Perry Claims Steven Tyler  is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list Insane Stories From Aerosmith's Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top
Photo: daigooliva/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY-SA 2.0
Joe Perry Claims Steven Tyler Tried To Get Involved In One Of His Relationships

When Joe Perry was 21 years old, he had an affair with actress Judy Carne, who was 11 years his senior. Judy opened his eyes to a new world of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. She had a doctor’s bag that was filled with cocaine, pill bottles, powders and syringes. Most of her drugs were totally legal, prescribed to her by a doctor. She even managed to get a prescription of cocaine.

 

This was all very attractive to Steven Tyler, especially because Carne was generous when it came to sharing her drugs. According to Perry, Tyler not only wanted to get into her stash, but he wanted to have a threesome and repeatedly called Perry hoping to be invited over. During this time, Carne was bed-ridden because of an injury, and Perry wasn’t having it.

 

“I now sensed that Steven wanted to get into her doctor’s bag — and maybe get into something else. I never invited him over,” Perry recalled in his memoir Rocks: My Life In and Out of Aerosmith. “Forced to stay off her fee, Judy was naked most of the time and didn’t want company. I had no interest in a threesome and neither did she. We just wanted to be alone.”

Steven Tyler Never Told His Ba is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list Insane Stories From Aerosmith's Drug-Fueled Rise To The Top
Photo: FOX
Steven Tyler Never Told His Band He Was Joining ‘American Idol,’ And They Were Furious

Steven Tyler wasn’t in a good place with his bandmates when he started thinking about being a judge on American Idol. The Aerosmith singer had recently undergone surgery after falling from a stage and being taken to a hospital. None of his bandmates visited him during his recovery, which definitely soured the singer. His bandmates weren’t too thrilled either when they found out Tyler had taken the job behind their backs. Joe Perry reported to the Boston Herald that he discovered Tyler’s new gig through the internet “like the rest of the world.”

 

Tyler’s bandmates were furious that the singer became an American Idol judge without telling them, and they consistently threatened to replace the singer in their project of 40 years.

 

“It’s his business, but I don’t want Aerosmith’s name involved with [American Idol]. We have nothing to do with it,” Perry said in an interview. “[Idol] is a reality show designed to get people to watch that station and sell advertising… it’s one step above Ninja Turtles… [You’ve got] four guys that are great together, and if you find the right singer, there’s no reason you can’t go and entertain people,” he added.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Kita – Chapter 23 – Anxiety and Depression

Kita’s was having terrible anxiety and depression after her first love broke her heart. Her mom put her on Escitalopram. Poor thing. I’ve lived with anxiety and depression my whole life, but instead of raging out or becoming mentally paralyzed, I just soldiered through if for the last half century.  I’m much better now, because I’ve rewired my mind to become friends with my anxiety and depression without ever taking a single drug for it. You feel that way for a reason. I believe as long as you’re not self destructive, you need to work on yourself and walk towards the things that frighten or hurt you and work through those feelings, over and over again. Worked for me but these days it seems when someone has a feeling they get prescribed a drug to block that feeling. I’m not a fan. Don’t get me wrong, some people really need medicine and therapy to function, but not everybody. You’re supposed to feel sick when your heart is broken. It’s human emotion. It teaches and trains your brain how not to get destroyed and shredded next time. The mind and body is a wonderfully complex machine.

Anyway… Let’s look a the uses of the drug.

Escitalopram is used to treat depression and anxiety. It works by helping to restore the balance of a certain natural substance (serotonin) in the brain. Escitalopram belongs to a class of drugs known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI). It may improve your energy level and feelings of well-being and decrease nervousness.

How to use Escitalopram Oxalate

Read the Medication Guide and, if available, the Patient Information Leaflet provided by your pharmacist before you start taking escitalopram and each time you get a refill. If you have any questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist.

Take this medication by mouth with or without food as directed by your doctor, usually once daily in the morning or evening. The dosage is based on your medical condition, response to treatment, age, and other medications you may be taking. Be sure to tell your doctor and pharmacist about all the products you use (including prescription drugs, nonprescription drugs, and herbal products).

If you are using the liquid form of this medication, carefully measure the dose using a special measuring device/spoon. Do not use a household spoon because you may not get the correct dose.

To reduce your risk of side effects, your doctor may direct you to start taking this drug at a low dose and gradually increase your dose. Follow your doctor’s instructions carefully. Do not increase your dose or use this drug more often or for longer than prescribed. Your condition will not improve any faster, and your risk of side effects will increase. Take this medication regularly to get the most benefit from it. To help you remember, take it at the same time each day.

It is important to continue taking this medication even if you feel well. Do not stop taking this medication without consulting your doctor. Some conditions may become worse when this drug is suddenly stopped. Also, you may experience symptoms such as mood swings, headache, tiredness, sleep changes, and brief feelings similar to electric shock. To prevent these symptoms while you are stopping treatment with this drug, your doctor may reduce your dose gradually. Consult your doctor or pharmacist for more details. Report any new or worsening symptoms right away.

It may take 1 to 2 weeks to feel a benefit from this drug and 4 weeks to feel the full benefit of this medication. Tell your doctor if your condition does not improve or if it worsens.

 

Side Effects

Nauseadry mouthtrouble sleepingconstipation, tiredness, drowsiness, dizziness, and increased sweating may occur. If any of these effects persist or worsen, tell your doctor promptly.

Remember that your doctor has prescribed this medication because he or she has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of side effects. Many people using this medication do not have serious side effects.

Tell your doctor right away if you have any serious side effects, including: decreased interest in sex, changes in sexual ability, easy bruising/bleeding.

Get medical help right away if you have any very serious side effects, including: bloody/black/tarry stools, fainting, fast/irregular heartbeat, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, seizureseye pain/swelling/redness, widened pupils, vision changes (such as seeing rainbows around lights at night, blurred vision).

This medication may increase serotonin and rarely cause a very serious condition called serotonin syndrome/toxicity. The risk increases if you are also taking other drugs that increase serotonin, so tell your doctor or pharmacist of all the drugs you take (see Drug Interactions section). Get medical help right away if you develop some of the following symptoms: fast heartbeat, hallucinations, loss of coordination, severe dizziness, severe nausea/vomiting/diarrheatwitching muscles, unexplained fever, unusual agitation/restlessness.

Rarely, males may have a painful or prolonged erection lasting 4 or more hours. If this occurs, stop using this drug and get medical help right away, or permanent problems could occur.

A very serious allergic reaction to this drug is rare. However, get medical help right away if you notice any symptoms of a serious allergic reaction, including: rashitching/swelling (especially of the face/tongue/throat), severe dizziness, trouble breathing.

This is not a complete list of possible side effects. If you notice other effects not listed above, contact your doctor or pharmacist.

 

Well now I know and so do you. I don’t want my little Kita to suffer. She seems fine even though she’s going through it all right now after the loss of ex boyfriend JR.

 

 

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The Beach House – Chapter 16

I awoke to the smell of coffee wafting from the kitchen. Mia was already up and going. I grabbed my robe and headed to the kitchen. Mia was wearing a new white robe that was just sheer enough that you knew she was naked but not fully see-through. I couldn’t believe that I would be waking up to that vision from now on. Life was good.

“Good morning ,sleepy head!” She was extra cheerful. I thought she might be a morning person, God help me. She poured me a cup of joe and set it on the counter. “I hope I didn’t wake you. You looked pretty comfy in bed.”

“Nope. That robe looks really good on you.” I grabbed my cup and smiled. Mia twirled around.

“Why thank you Mr. Tomlinson.” She smiled back and grabbed her own cup of coffee.

I looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was after eight. I sat down and yanked my phone free of its charger. “No time like the present.” I said. Mia sat down next to me. I dialed up Bob Farring.

“Good morning Bob, it’s Dale Tomlinson. I got you on speaker with Mia Perez.” Mia smiled at me. She liked that I wasn’t excluding her.

“Is Monica not well, Mr. Tomlinson?” He was once again confused as to why I was talking with him directly. Mia covered her mouth, trying to hold back a chuckle.

“No, I am sure Monica is just fine. This doesn’t concern her.” I paused a moment to let that sink in. “I am considering an investment in a small chemical company called Gem Works. I was hoping I could get you to run point to see if they have any interest in new capital.” I knew they would beg, borrow or steal if they could.

“Of course. What kind of timeline are you looking at.” I wish I was there to see his face.

“Today.” I think I heard a cup hit the floor.

“That is not a lot of time for our due diligence Mr. Tomlinson.” I could hear the panic in his voice. He didn’t want to be a party to some failed venture of mine.

“Bob, I’ll be honest with you. I’m really not interested in the viability of the company although, on the surface, it does have strong possibilities. I want to purchase leverage over an employee of the firm.” I let that sink in. “He treated someone I love very badly, and I want to make sure he never does it again.”

“I don’t know if I can be involved in some blackmail scheme.” I have honest lawyers. Who knew?

“It’s my fiancé, Bob. It’s pretty personal.” I heard other things fall to the floor. Mia choked back another laugh.

“Mr. Tomlinson, this is kind of a surprise. A person of your stature should have contracts drawn up before considering a commitment like marriage.” I would never insult Mia with a pre-nup. I would rather she just kill me off if that was her will.

“Sorry Bob, I’m winging it on love alone.” Mia blew me a kiss. “Bob, meet my fiancé Mia Perez.” I heard more stuff falling to the floor.

“I’m sorry Ms. Perez. I didn’t want to insinuate you had any bad intentions.” He fumbled his way through the whole sentence. It was becoming a bad morning for him.

“I wouldn’t expect you to advise him any other way Bob.” Mia chimed in perfectly. “I for one appreciate your loyalty.” She paused for a moment. “This employee Dale was speaking about has a habit of tricking women on to his boat and forcing them to engage in sexual activity with numerous partners. I barely got away myself.”

“Ms. Perez, this sounds like a police matter. Possibly a lawsuit if he has any assets.” He was a good man and wasn’t interested in a roundabout route. I looked at Mia and shrugged my shoulders, informing her I didn’t care how much she told him. She sighed.

“Can I tell you something in confidence Bob?” She was looking intently at the phone.

“Yes. As your lawyer, you are entitled to my confidence.” I really wished I was in his office.

“A week ago, I was a prostitute addicted to heroin.” She didn’t even flinch. Our love was solid as a rock. There was silence on the other end. Not even breathing. “Bob?” Mia asked.

“Um… ah… I can see why involving the courts could be a bit problematic.” He started to recover. “May I ask what your intention is with respect to this employee?” He was trying to gage how deep he would have to go.

“I intend to hold his job over his head. He either stops these parties, or his family finds out why I fired him.” I took a breath. “He tricked me into purchasing the boat that Mia escaped in under the threat of grand theft. I will expect him donate an equivalent sum to a charity of our choice.”

“Legally, you can fire him for his illegal acts on or off the job. The forced donation is pushing into a darker realm of the law.” He paused, obviously thinking. “You say he has done this before?”

“He calls them ‘water bang parties.’ Frank Talbot researched it for us.” I thought adding Frank might ease his mind a bit.

“Well I never knew Frank to be incorrect. Is it possible for you to refer to the donation as a suggested repentance or some other similar phrasing?” Wow!, He’s good. Trying to stay just this side of the law.

“Now I know why Monica trusts you so much Bob. We will take your advice and make it a suggestion.” Mia was smiling. I think she liked Bob also. “Will you be able to run point?”

“I would be happy to.” He was satisfied we weren’t going to break the law.

“I don’t want any control, just a straight percentage interest in the company. I will speak to the CEO personally about the other issue. There is no need for you to get involved directly in the aspect. Just get me a phone call with him.” I was afraid Gem Works wouldn’t take me seriously if I cold-called them.

“I will call you back in an hour or two, Mr. Tomlinson.” He hung up and went to work. I took another sip of my coffee and looked at Mia.

“Having a lot of money is kind of exciting.” She smiled and sipped her own cup.

An hour and a half later Bob called back. “Brian Fitzgerald is waiting for you call, Mr. Tomlinson. He is looking for a five million dollar investment and he has agreed to a 30% ownership, which after a cursory look at the books seems to be proper.” He paused. “You will be the second largest holder. Mr. Fitzgerald will hold 42% after the sale.”

“Bob, you are the miracle worker we were looking for. I am going to close the deal, then you can finalize the paperwork.” I was very pleased with the results.

“Monica called this morning. She has gotten wind of you dealing directly with us. I suspect she is friends with the receptionist.” Bob seemed a bit strained by the change in protocol. “I haven’t called her back yet. Is she aware of what is happening?” Mia started giggling. I had to look away so I didn’t catch it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Sabrina – Surprise Visit – Part 2

I take her back to the Versa Spa spray tan machine. I show her where to put the barrier lotion. (Between the fingers, beds of the nails, palms, between the toes and soles of the feet.) That’s where you don’t want the solution to go. I show her how to wear the hair net. (Above the hairline so you don’t get a weird crescent on your forehead below your hairline.) Then I show her the four poses you have to do while getting sprayed. It looks like we’re “Vogueing” in the hallway together.

I tell her there’s a woman’s voice that will guide her through the whole process.

“How long is the process?”

“The whole session is only four minutes. If you can follow directions, you can get a great spray tan. Any questions?”

“I think I got it.”

“Then go to it Sabrina.”

In she goes, and I head back up to the front of the salon. I’m thinking how great Sabrina looks. She’s come a long way at thirty-four years of age. I remember she told me she was addicted for ten years! How did she survive and look as good as she does? That’s fucking heroin! I’m so proud of her!

Fifteen minutes later, lovely Sabrina emerges from Room 8 and approaches the counter. I tell her she has to stay dry for the next 6 hours. She thanks me profusely and gives me a hug.

She’s so sweet to me and tells me that she wants to go to Gran Caffe L’Aquila for dinner for her 1 year anniversary of sobriety.

I’m honored to be the man that will sit across the table from this beautiful woman on that day. (God, my blog has gotten so much better and so have I!)

Sabrina heads out and I wish her a Happy New Year and I remind her she must stay dry for the next six hours for the tan to develop.

——————————————————————–

Later Update: Sabrina wrote a glorious 5 Star Yelp review about me and our salon. (Better than money!)

I text her and thanked her and wished her a Happy New Year. She texted me back that she had done something bad.

I was terrified. Had she re-offended with drugs?

“What happened?”

“I slept with my ex.”

Oh… But technically you’re not divorced yet so you just slept with your husband.”

Oh yea.. Thank you for that. But now he’s not texting me or anything.”

“I know you said the sex was fire between you guys and I get that, but if you guys hooked up, I think that’s all it was.”

“Oh.”

“You’re relationship was toxic and dangerous for over 10 years. If you slept with him I think that’s all it was. I’m sorry. But steer clear so you don’t re-offend. He’s not going to get back to you because you can never go back to that toxic relationship that destroyed you. ”

“But…”

“No. Resist and stay sober. I hate the holidays.”

“But I…”

“I know Sabrina. Go forward. I know it’s hard, but let go of the bars of your addiction and walk out of your cell. You’re doing great.”

“Thank you! I love you and value our friendship! Hope you know I plan on being in your life for a long time.

What a lovely person.

“Promise? Because that’s what I want Sabrina!

“Thank you… Hey, I know what I did was wrong but because of my awesome spray tan I looked awesome naked thanks to you! (And thank you for that delicious visual, Sabrina!)

I love Sabrina and I would love to see more of her because she’s a beautiful person. Not just on the outside.

I can’t wait to see her again.

 

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Sabrina – Surprise Visit – Part 1

Sabrina texts me out of nowhere and wants to cash in her free spray tan.  She lives out-of-town but works down at Penn’s Landing at a marketing company. She loves her job and is doing great. I’m happy she’s doing well and has been sober for over 9 months.

She sees her kids every Saturday and is trying to get on better terms with her sort of ex husband. (They’re still legally married but have been split for over a year. But she refers to him as her Ex) According to her their marriage was toxic and she can’t be with him anymore. She lives in the house they own together but he pays the mortgage and I’m assuming some sort of support.

This is a woman I met at the salon with Jill. (See Jill – 2016 to Present – Client) Jill is an ex stripper/escort that can’t stop drinking. Sabrina met her in a halfway house and they have remained friends. Jill is a full-blown alcoholic and Sabrina is a drug addict. Jill told me Sabrina’s drug of choice was heroin but she’s done an amazing job rising from the ashes of her own destruction to live anew as a sober person.

Sabrina once told me that if she even took a sip of beer she’d be right back into it again. That’s addiction. But I know a few addicts that come in the salon that have been sober for decades and they are incredibly great people who have risen above and sustained their lives. Many are professional people like doctors and lawyers. Addiction doesn’t care who you are. It just tries to steal who you are and sledgehammer your life.

Jill is the one that told me that Sabrina wasn’t an alcoholic. She was heroin addict. But like I said, addiction is an insidious force that doesn’t choose between nationality, race, or social status. It just takes some of them.

I can drink wine every day and not lose my shit. It loosens my mind to write, kills my anxiety and depression, helps me sleep and is a social lubricant. But some people’s wiring just can’t take any foreign substances.

I could drink with someone who is an alcoholic and drink the same thing pound for pound all night long. I will maintain my buzz and go home and go to bed after a fun night.

They will in turn change in mood and personality. Lose their sense of time, sense, verbal ability, motor skills, and eventually black out and do bad things and never remember them. They will not destroy themselves. They’ll destroy everything and everyone around them. That’s addiction.

We’re all different. We all have the same chemical make up that makes us human, but all of our chemicals react differently to introduced to outside forces. Sometimes stimulation… sometimes absolute destruction. Booze is probably the worst because it’s legal and beloved by so many. Nobody high on marijuana ever aggressively hit a cop. A drunk guy who’s losing his shit with his wife would. The worst thing that happens when I’m around people who smoke pot is a boring endless story and I want a drink to get through listening to them.

Here’s the difference between weed and booze. I was friends with a great sensitive drummer named Rich back in the 80’s. He loved weed. I like booze. Here is the conversation when we’re banged up on our substances of choice walking down the street:

Rich: (Stoned) “Hey man… what if the color blue to me isn’t the same color blue to you?”

Me: (Whiskey) “I don’t fucking know. Check the crayon box, asshole.”

See the difference?

 

Anyway, my girl Sabrina wants to come in and get a spray tan. She’s middle eastern and is as brown as a penny and hot as hell, but her legs need color. I tell her we can help her. We can help anybody!

I’ll make all of you girls beautiful and tan. Leave it to me!

She says her legs are always covered and she wants to even out her look. I tell her the best way to do that is to go in a UV sunbed. Cover up the parts you don’t want tan and bake up your legs to match the rest of your delicious self.

Long term that would work for her. Her legs could catch up with the rest of her pretty brown skin.

But Sabrina wants to do a spray tan to just to even herself out and look good. I tell her it’s a temporary fix, but she’ll look great.

She comes in and we have a lovely chat. I tell her about my recent date with Bailey on Christmas Eve and how I’m seeing her again tonight  for some wine and Gelato when I close the salon. Sabrina is surprised and delighted that I’m going on a second date with Bailey. (See: Bailey – From Texting to Connection) 

She doesn’t know about Cherie so I tell her I adore her. “I can’t wait forever for you, Sabrina.” (Only half joking because I would totally love to date Sabrina and haven’t completely ruled out accomplishing that goal in the near future.)

“You’ll have to text me how it went! Have you kissed Bailey yet?”

“No. I hope to this evening.”

“You’ll have to text me if you do!”

She looks amazing and gorgeous. I wish she lived closer to the city so I could spend more time with her. I tell her how great she looks and how amazing her luxurious hair looks. She thanks me and attributes it to being sober.

I love that.

She tells me that Jill is about to be kicked out of her current residence because she’s drinking oceans of vodka and sleeping around. Jill is out of control. Sabrina tells me that Jill wants to come live with her.

I tell Sabrina the following: “You’ve been sober for 9 months. You see your kids. You have a great job now. You’re doing well. You can not bring Jill, the broken drunk into your house. EVER. You have to cut her off.”

Sabrina tells me that she can’t bring that shit into her house after finally getting clean and moving forward with her life. She’s going to have to have the “Talk” with Jill.

It’s sad because in Sabrina’s phone, Jill is still listed as “Roomie” from when they were in a halfway house. Sabrina has been an elegant Phoenix that has risen from the ashes of her own destruction, whereas Jill started drinking and whoring once she got out of rehab and the halfway house.

Jill is being kicked out of her present living situation because she can’t stop drinking and whoring.  Jill plows vodka and jumps from guy to guy. Screwing them and staying at their cribs until they kick her out. I’m sure she cares for her son but her behavior screams she doesn’t give a shit about him because she’s always loaded and riding cock somewhere, blackout drunk.

“The best place for her is to go back to the halfway house.”

Sweet Sabrina’s words ring like lovely bells on New Years day. The words from a mother that is struggling everyday to make her way in this life.

 

I’ll continue this story tomorrow…

 

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Tales of Rock: Elton John: I insisted ‘Rocketman’ film be honest about sex, drugs, rock and roll

Music icon Elton John says he insisted that the musical-fantasy biography “Rocketman,” opening Friday, be honest about his life’s sex, drugs and rock and roll.

During the movie’s long gestation, wrote John in an article Sunday for The Observer Magazine of the U.K. newspaper The Guardian, “Some studios wanted to tone down the sex and drugs so the film would get a PG-13 rating. But I just haven’t led a PG-13 rated life. I didn’t want a film packed with drugs and sex, but equally, everyone knows I had quite a lot of both during the ’70s and ’80s, so there didn’t seem to be much point in making a movie that implied that after every gig, I’d quietly gone back to my hotel room with only a glass of warm milk and the Gideon’s Bible for company.”

The film, eventually rated R, stars Taron Egerton as John and Jamie Bell as his longtime songwriting partner Bernie Taupin, whose numerous hits together include “Rocket Man,” “Daniel,” “Bennie and the Jets,” “Candle in the Wind” and “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

“[S]ome studios wanted us to lose the fantasy element and make a more straightforward biopic,” Rock & Roll Hall of Famer John continued, “but that was missing the point. Like I said, I lived in my own head a lot as a kid. And when my career took off, it took off in such a way that it almost didn’t seem real to me. I wasn’t an overnight success by any means … But when it happened, it went off like a missile: there’s a moment in ‘Rocketman’ when I’m playing onstage in the Troubadour club in LA and everything in the room starts levitating, me included, and honestly, that’s what it felt like.”

During that tumultuous period, he wrote, “I’d also lost my virginity, to a man — John Reid [played in the film by Richard Madden], who later became my manager — and come out as gay, at least to my friends and family. This all happened in the space of three weeks. To say it was a lot to take in is a terrible understatement.”

 

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