Please go back and read: (Rebecca – Dark Wings of Destiny – Chapters 1 through 14) to fully understand the history I have with this person.
Just when I thought everything had gone to shit with Cherie, I get a text.
I haven’t heard from her in over two years. I don’t even know what she’s been doing. I thought she was gone forever.
So much has changed in my life since meeting Rebecca. I’ve been on a million dates, I’ve changed jobs, I’ve had a sort of girlfriend for over a year and a half. That’s what it is and has been well documented here.
Cherie and I are teetering between love and loss. I’m fine with whatever way it goes, but it would be nice to retain the passion we once had. I think Cherie wants that and so do I, but our schedules are killing us both.
Cherie’s 40 miles away, super busy and so am I, but when we’re together it sings. But lately it’s been really difficult. Cherie’s texts tell me so.
Her life, the distance, her son, her family, her jobs, school, finals, graduation, and beyond.
We’re in two different worlds right now.
Well, we’ve always been in two different worlds.
Cherie’s a 28-year-old attractive, smart, girl faced with the reality of growing up and going forward in her life.
I’m a middle-aged guy who’s realized that corporate america and sitting in a cubicle is bullshit and would rather work two jobs really hard than work one he hated. I love my life at the salon and the restaurant. I’ve found the happy balance.
My daughter Lorelei works right down the street. It’s great. There’s harmony in that.
But when I got the text from Rebecca it threw me for a loop.
I really like Rebecca and she’s always been flighty, but I always loved her company. I know she was trying to find her way in this world and I was always there for her, like I’ve been for all of my friends… but Rebecca was different.
I kind of loved Rebecca.
I would say in a “phicklephilly way” but I think there’s something more than that here. I know it seems crazy. Rebecca’s 24 years old, but if you’ve read the previous Rebecca posts, I always felt a connection to her.
I’ve never been after her. I’m not after anybody.
They always come to me.
But Rebecca has always had a certain pull that the other ones don’t possess. Rebecca haunts me when she’s gone, but I never feel that depressing loss I have with the others. Maybe because the others are just a dopamine drop and I miss the rush of their beauty once it’s gone, but I’m relieved because they were trouble.
Rebecca was never any of those things.
Rebecca was always herself. Honest. Vulnerable. Beautiful.
She thought enough of me to spend time with me.
I’ve lived a charmed life. I really have. I’ve survived on my charm, sense of humor and skills.
At my age, I’m delighted at my life. I know so many men my age that are lost and confused. It’s so sad.
I love knowing exactly who I am at my age and what I want. After half a century on the planet I finally got it right and it feels joyous.
I never want to retire. I’m not a workaholic, but I love to be busy. I want to have something to do every day for the rest of my life until my sister Janice pats me in the face with a shovel.
My life is rich in experience and memories. I can wrap myself up in them every night like a warm blanket. It’s really lovely after 50 years of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.
I’ve rebuilt my broken self into an elegant old analog machine that runs so well in the digital age. I work with young people. I love that I can inspire them with my experience just like my dad did when he was my age.
I’m grateful that everyday I get to wake up again, and nothing hurts, and everything’s working. (everything!) The sun is shining and I look forward to the day.
For years I was mired in corporate life. Wearing a suit and tie, going to meetings, working for assholes who couldn’t do what I could do, but were only there because they had no where else to go.
All a joke.
I want to work.
My sister Janice says, “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”
She, like my father is only quoting because they’re not the best in original thought, but yes! She’s right, or whoever wrote that bit.
So here I am, in a relationship that’s been distant but’s still alive. For me this has been a great relationship, because unlike all of my other relationships, this one actually met my perfect relationship model.
I know I’ll feel some backlash on this, but it’s been perfect for me.
All of my other relationships have been traditional. Boyfriend/girlfriend. Living together, and moving towards a destination I’ve already experienced and been killed in virtual immolation, and hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support.
I’m never getting married again. Definitely not having any more kids.
My last three relationships have been with younger women and I know how this looks. I did not pursue these wonderful ladies. It just happened.
But the definition of crazy is, doing the same thing over and over hoping you get a different result.
That’s not me, but, my last handful of girlfriends have been young and beautiful.
The ends were inevitable.
They were all doomed before they began, but they were all wonderful. Thank you one and all, girls!
So here I am at a precipice with Cherie, who is the sweetest woman in the world and whom I love very much, and the prospect that she could shit-can me any day now, simply out of not having any time to see me.
We’re amazing when we’re together and I absolutely adore her. I should probably go to her graduation on Friday, but I know I won’t because I hate getting up early anymore and I don’t really want to deal with the whole event in general.
I probably should go.
It would mean the world to her.
Do I really want to meet her family?
She’s worked so hard for so many years. This could be the thing that fixes us.
I really don’t want to go, but I don’t want Cherie gone from my life.
Ahhh… what should I do loyal readers?
I reluctantly texted Rebecca back.
“Hey. It’s been a minute. I feel like we kind of left it all hanging. Hope you’re doing well.”
A day passed…
“Charles…. I miss you. I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch. Been busy with work and life. Up and down. Can you meet for a drink?”
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