Whether it’s to get rid of some stray hairs or make a mohawk, you’ve probably taken a razor to your girly parts at some point or another. Although you might think that using a blade won’t bother your vagina, it might do more damage than you’d realize. Beyond bumpy red skin, shaving can affect your vaginal health — and not necessarily in a good way.
Pubic hair is a very personal issue, and while some people might not mind being bushy, others prefer to be completely hairless. And that’s when the trusty razor does its thing. Problem is, a razor isn’t ideal when it comes to hair removal. “The vaginal area has skin that is so, so sensitive,” Dr. Violet Klenov, M.D., FACOG, at Vios Fertility Institute tells Romper. “Short term shaving can lead to long term issues concerning vaginal health.”
But first, a primer on pubic hair. I mean, why do we even have hair down there anyway? Well, apparently pubic hair has a lot of purposes. For starters, pubic hair can hold pheromones, reported Self. And since these chemicals can attract a potential mate, it makes sense that it would be where, well, all the action is. It can also reduce friction during sex, and more importantly, protect your parts from pathogens or other bacteria from entering the vagina, Healthline reported.
Which is why you should think twice before whipping out a razor to design a landing strip on your vag. “Shaving can expose an area of skin that can lead to infected hair follicles, sebaceous cysts, or in extreme cases, cellulitis,” says Dr. Klenov. “Plus, abrasions on the skin can cause discomfort and run the risk of becoming red and inflamed.” And if you’ve ever shaved your bikini line, you know exactly what she’s talking about. (Cue the incessant itch.)
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But if you’ve got to get rid of pubic hair (and fast), a razor might be just what you need to come to your rescue. “Pubic hair grows in all different directions and is prone to developing in-grown hairs,” Dr. Jessie Cheung, a dermatologist in New York City reports to Romper. “Before shaving, you need to prep the skin — never shave dry!” And if you think using your hubby’s shaving cream will give you the richest lather, think again. “Most men’s shaving creams have menthol in it, which can irritate the area,” she says. If possible, try to use a triple blade razor, which causes less trauma to the skin.
Determined to have your vagina as bald as a baby’s bottom? Consider other alternatives to shaving. Dr. Klenov suggests close clipping, which gets close to the base of the hair follicle without actually shaving the skin and weakening it. You can use men’s clippers to get a clean cut without actually cutting your skin. And you can always schedule a wax, too. “Waxing and clipping bypass the many issues that can arise when shaving and tend to keep hair growth at bay longer than shaving does, especially waxing when done regularly,” says Dr. Klenov. “It keeps skin smoother over a longer period of time with a low risk of breaking that important skin barrier.”
So whatever style you want for your nether region (such as a sweetheart or a martini style, for example), make sure that you take care of your pubic hair. Knowing how to use a razor correctly can keep your vagina hair-free and healthy, too.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
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Whether you’re in a committed relationship or are still looking for the special person you want to share your life with, it can sometimes be hard to know if you’re fully open to receiving love. Maybe you find yourself consistently pushing away potential partners, or can’t quite seem to accept the fact that your long-term partner genuinely loves you. Whatever your case, a few subtle signs can help show you whether you’re really open, or if you have a little bit of work to do to get to that place, according to experts.
If you do realize that you aren’t as open to love as you’d like to be, take some time to do some self-reflection. “Figure out what you want and what you need in a relationship,” Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett, PhD, LMFT, a sex therapist, lead therapist, and owner of A New Creation Psychotherapy Services, tells Bustle. “Most of us do not know what our wants and needs are, and find ourselves in situations where we are not getting what we need nor deserve,” she says. “We must teach people how to treat us.” This might mean that you can help guide your partner to specific ways of showing love that really resonate with you, like sweet notes, cuddle sessions, or spending quality time together.
Here are some signs that you aren’t fully open to receiving love, according to experts.
1. You Aren’t Willing To Compromise
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It’s definitely not unusual to have certain deal breakers when it comes to finding a partner. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable dating someone with a specific political stance or someone with certain relationship values. But if you aren’t willing to compromise when it comes to smaller issues, that might be a sign that you aren’t fully open to receiving love, Cooper-Lovett says. In a healthy partnership, you should still be able to make your own choices, but being in a committed relationship might mean that you have to let a partner’s whistling habit slide or agree not to keep peanut products in the house if they have a serious allergy.
2. You Only Date Casually
If you find yourself being attracted to people who just want to hookup and don’t want anything serious, you probably aren’t fully open to receiving romantic love, Cooper-Lovett says. Of course, it’s totally fine if you don’t want a committed relationship, but if you do, dating people who want to keep things very low-key probably won’t give you the love you want. “This may be a conscious or unconscious process,” she says. If this sounds familiar to you, take a moment to ask yourself whether you’re hoping to find love from people who are clear that this is not what they’re looking for. If so, consider being more upfront with future partners about what you want so that you aren’t disappointed.
3. You Are Scared Of Things Not Working Out
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You might think of romantic love as something your partner gives you. But even if they’re trying to love you fully and deeply, if you are constantly worried that the relationship will eventually end, you probably won’t receive that love. “It is difficult to receive romantic love if you’re not in a good space within yourself,” Cooper-Lovett says. “You would often reject things that could potentially make you happy due to the assumption that love would make things worse as if it would not work out,” she says. It’s always a possibility that your relationship won’t last forever, but that doesn’t mean that you should let that keep you from accepting love while you are partners.
4. You Don’t Prioritize Self-Love
Self-love and romantic love might seem like totally different issues to you, but they’re really more connected than you might think. “If you do not love yourself, how can you receive love from someone else,” Cooper-Lovett says. “You have to be on the quest for loving yourself and having a relationship with yourself before allowing someone else to show and give you love.” Take some time to reflect on how you feel about yourself if you don’t feel open to love from a partner. Are you struggling with self-doubt? Are you dedicating time each week to taking care of yourself? Maybe for you this means taking the time to bake your favorite pastry recipe from scratch, or working on a creative project that really makes you feel fulfilled.
5. You Expect Your Partner To Be Perfect
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“Perfectionism in the dating search process can be a tipoff that you’re not fully open to receiving romantic love,” Dr. Fran Walfish, Psy.D., a family and relationship psychotherapist, relationship columnist, and author of The Self-Aware Parent, tells Bustle. If you’ve had more than one relationship, you’re probably pretty aware that there is no such thing as a perfect partner. You’ll have to be OK with little quirks that you don’t necessarily like if you want to be open to receiving love. Try taking the time to reflect on the qualities that are crucial for you when it comes to a partner. This can help you refocus on what is really important to you in a relationship and let go some of the things that don’t matter in the long run.
6. You Don’t Let Yourself Process Breakups
If you’re just casually dating, it can be pretty seamless to move from one partner to another. But if you’re having committed relationships with people, not letting yourself process one relationship before you move on to the next can keep you from fully accepting love, Walfish says. It’s important to give yourself the time to feel your own emotions of loss and grief, even if you were the one who chose to end the relationship, she says. This can keep you from muting your painful emotions, which might also result in muting positive emotions like love from future partners.
7. You Haven’t Gotten Over Your Ex
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Speaking of previous breakups, having lingering feelings for your ex can really keep you from fully opening yourself up to receiving love from your current partner. Even in situations where you were the one who chose to end a relationship, it can be difficult to let go of someone you were so deeply connected with. “Some [people] are afraid of getting out there again so they keep their former relationship alive as a way of staying involved and not feeling single again,” Walfish says. But if you truly want to be able to accept your current partner’s love, you have to resolve any strong feelings you have about a past partner. That doesn’t mean completely forgetting them, but it does mean remembering that they are someone in your past, rather than someone who should take up a good deal of space in your heart now.
8. You Have A Hard Time Accepting Compliments
If you’re having trouble fully accepting love, one surprising sign of that is that you have a hard time accepting compliments. Maybe your gut reaction is to disagree with your partner each time they try to tell you how smart or kind you are instead of simply telling them “thank you.” “To do this means you need to connect positively to someone and open yourself up to something you aren’t comfortable with,” John Kenny, an interpersonal relationship coach with specialization in toxic relationships, tells Bustle. The next time your partner tells you that they love your passion for an issue or your amazing joke telling skills, thank them and try to genuinely internalize the compliment instead of instantly dismissing it.
No matter what is keeping you from fully accepting love, remember that you are worthy of being cherished by a partner. Love yourself first, and receiving romantic love will come more naturally to you.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
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As I awoke with piercing pain in my head became apparent, I was wearing nothing but a sombrero and some short shorts I owned.
Why was this happening to me?
Where was I?
And what had happened last night?
My buddy Frank was lying down right next to me passed out. I shook him to wake him up. He woke up slowly and sluggishly not without putting up a fight.
So I slapped him.
He woke up with a drugged and tired look. He asked why he woke him up. I told him all my concerns and what had happened to me.
He first told me we were at Sarah’s house in Venice for a little kickback with her and her friend. He had been a few places that night but ended up there at the end of the night.
He then asked if I remembered about the dare Sarah gave me.
I said no, so he filled me in.
We had all been daring each other to do stupid stuff and Sarah with her great ideas had decided to make me take 7 shots of putrid tequila consecutively; and then do a strip tease for her.
By this time I was already pretty buzzed and by that seventh shot I was having trouble thinking or staying up straight.
I started to take off my clothes and they cheered me on.
By the time I was only in my briefs I grabbed a nearby random sombrero. I guess my inner Mexican was screaming for the sombrero even after all the alcohol I took.
Then he proceeded to tell me they all took shots and were all around the same state as me. We all started to dance and I guess I tried to climb an imaginary stripper pole I thought was there and I fell and knocked myself out.
They laughed and proceeded to take shots and dance till they all passed out on top of me. We both laughed at the story and then went on to try to find some aspirin, water, and most of all, where everyone else was.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
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Engagement rings have become my cause de guerre. I’m thirty and well over half of my closest friends are either engaged or married, so these puppies seem to smack me in the face on Instagram every week now. Sure, I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. Notting Hill, No Strings Attached, You’ve Got Mail, When Marry Met Sally, the first 70 minutes of La La Land… if TV Guide magazine tells me any of these movies will be on TBS superstation, my night is booked. But when it comes to engagement rings, my mouth fills with acrid bile.
Engagement rings are a massive industry. Some people blame DeBeers; I blame women. Dangerous words in these delicate times, I know. But at some point, we need to realize that women are capable of being terrible people, just like men. That’s equality. That’s progress. To illustrate this thesis, we look to Instagram.
As wedding ring/engagement photos have proliferated across my Instagram feed, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend: many women post a photo of the ring and write “he did such a good job!” It’s a deflection, a humble downplay, like posting a shredded bikini pic while pretending to eat a hot dog with a caption like “empty calories, full stomach, can’t lose!” It’s meant to throw us off the scent of what it really is: a vagina-measuring contest. Because what’s really happening here is that she’s posting a photo of a commodity, the price of which we immediately start to estimate. And by we, I mostly mean other women, because they know the ring market.
An olive branch: if women just owned what they were doing with these posts, I’d applaud them for it. Remember ’90s hip hop videos, where rappers would flex in backwards football jerseys as a strobe light hit their $60,000 Jesus piece, triggering epileptic fits for unmedicated children? It was a flex, and they relished it. You didn’t see Diddy brandishing his new spinning Sprewell pendant with a disclaimer like “my friend bought me this, and he knows me so well! Thanks dude!” Today, similarly, these ladies are flexing their new ice on Instagram; but they couch it with deferential words to their buyer fiancé. I would have nothing but respect for a ring post with a caption like “Look at the size of this fucking thing! He spent more than I thought he would!”
But that would be too obvious. That would violate the weird, unspoken decorum of ringstagramming. Thus, we’re left with these thinly-veiled humblebrags that credit some hapless fellow who simply brandished six credit cards and held his breath. Not only do these dudes probably not give a shit about credit, they’re not worthy of it! When it comes to rings, you know who actually did a good job? Sam and Frodo. The ’72 Dolphins. The Motorola Razr. Heidi Fleiss. The Undertaker. Barnum and Bailey. These are first ballot ring HOFers; not your Dave.
I have a family ring from my late grandmother. As a family, we believe in heirlooms and preserving memories. Also, my grandmother was a powerful wizard who learned the dark art of splitting her soul, a portion of which lives on in the horcrux I plan to give my lady someday. The ring is beautiful, too. It’s a far nicer ring than I could buy right now from Zales or Adam Sandler.
Still, I can’t help but wonder how an Instagram post of this ring will be received. Do I somehow love her less because I didn’t spend three months of my salary on it? Do I need to buy her something to supplement the ring, to emphasize this promise?
Maybe. Or maybe I’ll take the money I saved on a ring and put it towards something nice for myself. After all, I saved. I was fiscally responsible. Dare I say… I did such a good job.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
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Ah, men. So endearing. So easily confused. We know we women aren’t the easiest people in the world to figure out, and it’s all too easy for a guy to open his mouth and say something that’s an instant deal breaker. Whether the subject is sex, weight, or love, here are a few lines that should send you ladies running for the hills if you hear them from your dude. Feel free to add yours in the comments!
1. “What did you say your name was again?
2. “Well, I was in love with you. Now I’m not so sure.”
3. “Did I ever tell you that I didn’t actually go to Harvard?”
4. “I can’t feel anything.”
5. “Come to think of it, those jeans do make you look fat.”
6. “I forgot my wallet.”
7. “I don’t have a condom, but I have sex all the time without a condom, and I’ve never gotten anyone pregnant.”
I met Rebecca 3 years ago on a date. Rebecca has recently made an appearance in my life so I thought I’d re-run this series so everyone won’t have to go back and search for her series to catch up. Enjoy!
Fall of 2016
What am I supposed to do with what Rebecca just said?
I was about to profess my love to her and he just told me she’s possibly leaving for South America in the next two weeks.
Three to six months? What the hell? How is this happening?
Not now! Not when I’m so close to maybe having her as my girlfriend!
But it’s happening.
Everything in the bar vanishes around me. I can only see her face and her voice is completely gone. I only feel the searing pain of her going.
I can’t let this take me in the moment.
“Chaz… I know this is kind of sudden and things have been so great with you. I… I don’t know what to say. I really like you.
She pulled her dark mane from it’s enclosure and let her locks tumble about her face like ribbons of sadness.
I’m so transparent. She can see I’m dying. I can’t let the fear in. Nothing is as bad as I think as it is… as long as I don’t let the fear in. I’ve lived my whole life this way. Conditioning my brain to cope with fear and loss.
Rebecca clasps my hands. I feel the paradox between the softness of her hands and the hardness of her words like her well manicured nails.
It brings me back into the moment. Which is paramount for me to deal with this and not lose my composure. I won’t freak out. I will just be overcome by sadness, and I can’t let that happen. I have to be happy for her.
Just like everything else in my life. All of the adversity. I just have to act happy and live through it. I’ve been doing this my whole life.
Why is it suddenly so hard here?
I’m older. I’ve gotten good at this. I’ve trained my mind to pedal slower, just breathe and get through it all with a smile.
“It’s only three to six months, Chaz.”
“I know and I’m really proud of you, but…”
“But what?
“I’m really going to miss you, Rebecca.”
She continued to hold my hands. Her dark eyes searched my face for answers where there was only one.
She took one hand away and pulled her chocolate locks behind one ear. She exhaled through her nose. Her lips pursed in thought. I watched as emotions washed over her lovely face. She sniffed and I saw the beginning of the glistening tears in her eyes. Which brought the same emotion to mine.
Oh, this is a bad moment. Things are accelerating. I need to pull myself back in.
“I know. It’s an amazing opportunity. I… I really like you, Rebecca. I suppose it’s been pretty obvious.”
A tear gently slid down her soft cheek. “C’mere, you.”
Rebecca leaned in.
It was all happening in slow motion. Like I was watching a movie except I was the hapless supporting actor that gets burned in the final reel.
She gently kissed my lips. I felt and tasted her sticky lip gloss. I could smell her. It was intoxicating.
It smelled like love, lust and sadly, the bitter scent of loss.
“I’m going to miss you so much too.”
“Rebecca…” My voice cracked. “I understand. I want you to go forward. I love my time with you.” (I had to choose my words carefully to protect my own heart here) “But, just know I’ll be thinking of you. I hope you do great work and have an amazing adventure. You know that. But…”
(I’m going out on a limb here.)
“What?”
“I was just hoping that maybe when you get back, maybe we could pick up again and hang out again. But I understand if by then, you’ve moved forward with your life.”
“This is so hard, Chaz.”
“I know. Please… don’t worry about me. I’ll be here working in Philly and doing what I do. Hey, you’ve vanished before, and here I am!”
She smacked my arm and made that sweet smirking face I love. “Stop it! You know this is hard for me. Dude, you know I like you. I’ve told you how you’re not like all the guys I meet and know. That’s why you have so many female friends. They all know your different.”
“Okay… okay… Wait. Tell me more about how awesome I am.”
“You…Such a Leo.”
Rebecca put her arms around me and hugged my tightly. I didn’t care who saw at the bar. Nothing mattered. In that moment I wanted to tell her that I was in love with her. I really did. But I couldn’t do it. Not because I was afraid, but because it was not the time.
It was her time.
Not mine.
I had to be careful.
“Let’s get out of here.”
“You got it.” I settled up the check. It was $20. (Thank you Roman for the glorious hookup! Spend the $50 tip on your son!)
We stepped out into the cool Autumn night in Philly. The corner of 17th and Sansom was quiet. Just a couple of homeless people milling about the church across the street. A sad dichotomy to the wealth on this side of the street.
“I’m exhausted.” Rebecca keyed in and UBER on her phone.
They come so fast.
So fast to take her away from me.
They all leave me.
All of them.
It’s okay, because I know that life is fleeting and none of us really own anything. We just have it for awhile and then we’re all gone from here anyway.
Rebecca clung to me to quell the chill of the October night.
“You’re my favorite person, you know that, Chaz?”
“Same, Rebecca.”
She looked up at me with those emerald eyes. She looked up and down 17th street as if to see if her mom was watching. On tiptoes she kissed me. An initial smooch, then a pause to gauge my response. Reading my face.
It was my turn to strike.
I took her in my arms and kissed her deeply. She responded in kind. Her full lips yielding to my kiss. It’s as if we had practiced this scene many times before.
Saying goodbye.
Our kiss was glorious. Just like always.
Always new.
Always final.
It was beautiful.
I’ve had the honor to kiss many women, but Rebecca’s kisses were like a flower opening before my eyes. A miracle of life and beginnings that always had a finite destination.
When I open my eyes, I see her there in my arms before me. Looking right at me. Smiling. Bright. Shiny. New.
I love the new ones.
But they all drive off the lot with new owners.
“My Uber is here. Text me tomorrow?”
“You bet.”
I watch as my favorite nurse in Philadelphia boards the black sedan before me and disappear up the street.
That final kiss blown and a wave, and she’s gone.
How many times has this happened?
I’ve lost count.
But why does this one feel so exhilarating and painful in the same breath?
I’m not getting any younger. I have no illusion that middle age is what it is for me. All of my rare little birds will eventually fly away.
Is writing this blog simply an extended epitaph to my romantic life?
I think it is.
I keep dating these younger women expecting a different outcome. But it never happens. But I know better. I already know all of the answers to my dating and relationship woes. But I continue to chase these beautiful birds across the field and every one of them flies away.
But I know why.
I think the brief pleasure of having them in my life at this point is enough. I think I’m really done. I think Cherie finished my off. She’ll be the last real one. (As real as that was!) Why am I even thinking I could have a future with Rebecca? She’s Kate, Tara, Melissa, Judith, Michelle, Annabelle and Cherie all rolled into one.
I grow and evolve as a man in this world and become a simpler, happier person but I continue to cycle through all of these young women. I know that every one of these relationships will end the same way, but I just keep doing it over and over.
So maybe it’s not about how it just happens that I’m always dating young women. What it’s really about is the fact that for some reason I’m trying to find something that’s been lost somewhere.
I should get down on my knees and thank God any of them have given me a chance. I’m long overdue to be finished. Maybe that’s why Keith Richards is still kicking. There’s just a part of us that never grew up. There’s a part of men that are seeking the love of a young women that’s missing a crucial part.
We look at women our age as women we associate with our mothers. We love her and miss her and always wanted her love and never really got it.
So we turn to the eternal flowers of youth that are fleeting. We keep reaching for those fresh flowers but they all wilt and nearly die in our hands.
Our sad bouquet stands before us. Vibrant, beautiful and so ready to fight gravity and reach for the sun. Her roots yield to gravity in the Earth and take hold in someone else’s garden.
But never mine.
I realize I never grew a garden.
I’m surrounded by glass, concrete and steel in this fine city of Philadelphia.
I feel comfortable and happy here. These have been the happiest times of my life these last thirteen years.
Magical.
But I feel things slowing down. I continue to work like any other artist. Funny, how I still refer to myself that way. But that’s the way I feel.
My father used to say: “Walk among them but never join them.”
He was right, but I think I may have twisted that a bit.
I’ve had so many people come into my life. Some I’ve pulled in myself. The strong gravity of my personality. That’s really all I have. My personality and my natural ability.
But that’s all it takes sometimes.
But like a great white shark I will always die in captivity.
Many men have settled into marriage and domesticity. But there are those of us that can never do it. So many who shouldn’t do it. It only works out half the time.
I don’t like those odds.
But if you don’t settle down and get married you wander the earth like me.
I’m happy, but sometimes I think about being single as opposed to being married.
“I could be married and get free boring sex and feel annoyed much of the time, or be single and be lonely but be free to do whatever I want, when I want.”
I know it’s not for everyone, but I’m just going to live my life the way I want to for as long as I can. I’m not doing anything wrong, but I should probably figure out why from such a youthful age I always was surrounded by young, attractive girls.
What’s the piece I’m missing?
If anyone reading this can help me out I’d appreciate it.
Well, I’m going to text Rebecca tomorrow and hope for the best.
But I know the best may not even be something I want.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
The BOOK phicklephilly is now available for purchase on Amazon!
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Re-entering the dating pool after a breakup can elicit emotional responses ranging from excitement to anxiety-producing dread. The truth is that warming up to single life after a relationship is a process, and figuring out how to feel more comfortable dating after a breakup is an important first step. If the idea of dipping into the dating pool is giving you pause, it’s important to know that what you’re experiencing is totally normal.
“The dating discomfort experienced after a breakup is multifaceted,” Susan Winter, NYC-based relationship expert, tells Elite Daily. “Part of you is comparing the new person to your ex, and part of you is wondering how to frame the breakup when asked. Another part may feel tentative about [being vulnerable again].” Part of figuring out what’s holding you back from enjoying singledom is making sure you’re actually ready to start dating again. Although it can be tempting to rush into a new fling after saying goodbye to your ex, taking time to process a breakup is key. “Make sure you’re ready to move forward,” suggests Winter. “If you haven’t emotionally processed and packaged your past relationship, don’t even think about starting a new one.”
If you’re wondering whether or not enough time has passed since your last relationship ended, Winter recommends listening to your gut. There may be a totally valid reason why dating again doesn’t feel right, and you owe it to yourself to figure it out. “You’ll know you’re ready to date again when the thought of meeting someone new excites you,” says Winter. “You’ll be able to imagine a positive outcome and find yourself hopeful about the prospect of meeting new people.” On the other hand, if you can’t imagine yourself enjoying the process of meeting other matches, then you may need a bit more time to work through what happened between you and your ex.
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Once you feel good about the prospect of getting your mingle on, planing out how you want to talk about your past relationship with dates can help you manage any lingering discomfort. “Prepare to be asked about what happened,” says Winter. “Obviously your new date will want to know how and why your relationship ended as a part of their own knowledge base, and that’s only fair.” There’s no need to go into too much detail before you’re ready, but being prepared in case the topic comes up can help. Even if the breakup was messy, making it clear that you’re over it is major. “Clearly, concisely, and diplomatically provide a two-sentence answer that’s gracious and positive, even if the breakup was bad and your partner was horrible.”
Lastly, letting yourself believe in love again is a great way to stay positive while transitioning back into dating. It’s so easy to feel jaded after a bad breakup, but succumbing to negative thought patterns can have a huge impact on your future relationships. No matter what went down between you and your ex, treating those experiences as learning opportunities can make a huge difference. Just because a relationship didn’t work out, doesn’t mean you won’t find love again in the future.
“You created a relationship before, so you can also create one now,” says Winter. “Just because it didn’t last doesn’t mean you didn’t do a good job. You should have confidence that you can believe in yourself again.” If your confidence took a major hit during your last relationship and you’re still reeling, take as much time as you need to recover. Feeling secure in who you are can help you attract someone who’s on the same page.
Dating after a breakup might feel strange for a bit, and that’s OK. The best thing you can do for yourself is make sure you’re ready to be vulnerable again. Any residual discomfort you feel about dating will pass with time. Remember: These big emotional shifts may not happen overnight. So, while you’re adjusting to single life, staying positive and honoring your feelings can help you move forward.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
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Have you ever considered pursuing an age gap relationship? Sometimes, your go-to response might be to date someone that is close to your age, but why not date a person that is younger or older?
In fact, some of the best relationships out there are between people that are not the same age, so this should further encourage you to pursue the same.
The key to any strong relationship is compatibility and attraction. Worrying about an age difference with your partner should be one of your last things on your mind.
Using dating applications
Dating in this day and age often revolves around the internet, and that is why there are a wide number of dating apps, geared towards different interests.
If you are a younger male, for instance, that is interested in dating an older female, you can find the best dating apps by reading reviews on Beyond Ages.
Sometimes, the hardest part of being interested in a relationship whereby there is a large age gap between you is finding the right person to date in the first place.
This is where online dating can make the searching process a lot easier, and it also helps you realize that there are many people that are interested in these types of relationships in the first place.
Interesting conversations
There is a high likelihood that when there is an age gap in your relationship, the type of conversations that you will have will be far more interesting.
When you talk to your partner, you always want to learn more about them, but what if the conversations are so profound that they end up inspiring you?
Also, as you come from different generations, you might find that you know more than your older partner when it comes to particular categories of conversation.
This can also work the other way round, when they teach you about the world they know, for example how to sort out taxes. Both of you can educate each other on different aspects of the world you know.
Shared interests
To make a relationship work, it is vital that you have similar interests that can ignite conversations and result in you spending quality time together doing something you both love.
This could be anything from dancing and yoga, to painting and reading. Whatever it is you love, if they love it too, just because they are older or younger than you, it shouldn’t mean that a relationship couldn’t work.
You might actually find that you have more shared interests with someone who is older than someone your own age. Quite often, it is a personality that can attract someone, and if you know the two of you will get on, it is the much-needed spark that a relationship needs to start.
The experience they have will benefit you
Dating someone that is older or younger than you could provide you with fresh perspectives on situations that someone your own age might not have considered.
Age can make a difference in how someone sees a situation based on the experience they’ve had, and as a result, they can offer alternative solutions as well as fantastic advice that you simply didn’t think of yourself. It can work just as well both ways and is quite often why an age gap relationship can be one of the strongest romances.
An older woman or man has had far more experiences than you, and as a result of this, they have more stories to share. They are more confident in themselves and their personality.
When you date someone older than you they can help you to discover more about yourself and what you can do, due to their confidence. So why wouldn’t you want to be around the type of person that is sure of who they are and radiates positive energy?
Levels of maturity can be different
Just because you are younger doesn’t mean that your level of maturity is the same as every other person your age.
Some people in their 20s are more mature and ready to settle down, which is why the appeal of an older partner who is quite often at the same stage too is perfect for them. Remember maturity derives from what you have done in your life up until that point in time.
For instance, older women might date younger men because they love how youthful they make them feel, whereas younger men might like older women because they are more mature.
Becoming a mentor
If the idea of having someone to guide you through life appeals, then you should highly consider an age gap relationship. Your older partner can be there to help you as you become an adult and, in turn, you can help them to feel younger.
Dating someone that is younger than you might make you feel more youthful due to your partner’s energy and almost fresh life appeal. Their youthful nature might persuade you to do different activities that you might never have considered before you met them, and vice versa. You could also discover a new hobby or film that they love.
Having someone in your life that not only provides support but also is there to help you figure out adulthood is something that you can only really find from dating someone older than you.
Even though there may be many older people in your life, from your parents to grandparents or older friends, the connection the two of you have can help you in situations that your parents or grandparents simply can’t.
Age is just a number
If you are still worried about dating someone with an age gap, just try to remember that age is nothing more than a number. Whether you are 25, 35, or over the age of 40, when you are attracted to someone and care about him or her on a deeper and personal level, you start to forget about the age factor. Instead, all of your attention should be focused on their personality and how they make you feel when you spend time with them.
Even if you are at slightly different stages of your life, if the person you are seeing is important to you and you want them in your life, you can make it work.
Make sure you’re happy
The most important thing to remember when you are considering an age gap relationship is your happiness. As long as your happy it shouldn’t make a difference in the age gap.
Don’t take any notice of people making negative remarks towards you, they don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship, and you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your happiness to please others.
As this article has explored it, age shouldn’t make much difference in your relationship. However, always make sure that you are dating for the right reasons, the benefits aside, if you are dating someone who makes you smile every single day or makes you feel loved and you enjoy spending time then you know it is worth pursuing.
Don’t focus on whether they are older or younger than you. Even if there is a 10 or 20-year age gap, all that you need is a spark to further develop that relationship.
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I was stoked. Trinity had this vibe she gave off that was electric. Just the way she spoke, and the way she moved in the salon.
I knew this girl was special. Maybe not for me but just special in the world. She had such great energy, I knew despite her struggles, she had risen above. Like me, an over achiever with low self-esteem, that became the cream that rose to the top. The shining star in an enormous company. I had made that journey myself and I could feel who Trinity was and what she HAD to accomplish.
I knew she had a boyfriend. He’s probably a great guy. He lives in Boston and was cool with letting Trinity go to Philly and make her way.
I like him already. (That’s a secure guy that lets his bird fly to pursue her dreams and is confident enough in himself and their relationship to let her go.)
I love this dude.
I’ve been through this scenario already with Michelle, when Delaware Dave was trying to reclaim his high school sweetheart. If you read Michelle, you’ll see how that went. (See: Michelle – A Brand New Day)
I don’t want to hurt Boston, but Trinity feels like Michelle and I love how I feel when I’m around her. It feels like Michelle without the commitment so there’s blood in the water.
Let’s see what happens. I’m happy to be alone now at my age, but the old lion is always ready to get up for a good chase. (Still hanging in there with Cherie, but because of time and distance it’s been strained)
I can’t help it.
I text her.
Trinity is new to Philly and has zero friends and has made that clear.
A gazelle on Serengeti.
We’re supposed to meet at Square 1682 for the hookup drinks, but fucking Church and Amelia want to hang. It’s cool… Bros before Hos. (See: Church – Brand Ambassador and Amelia – New Hire)
I love them both. Church is a dear friend and Amelia is my hire, and I love hanging with them both on Monday evenings.
It’s like… Our night.
I know Trinity said she’d be available Monday night for my Square 1682 hook up, but my man, Roman isn’t working so I’m screwed that night. (See: Roman – Rock and Roll Bartender)
Which is fine, I’ll push Trinity off to Tuesday or Wednesday when he’s on. I’ll go to Marathon with Church and Amelia Monday and meet up with Trinity on Tuesday or Wednesday. Easy enough. The iron is still hot, and she needs friends and social time.
I text lovely Trinity the following:
Monday
“Hey I can’t do tonight, but Tuesday or Wednesday evening would work. (Free drinks!)
Crickets.
Tuesday
“I’m sure you’re busy with all you friends… but let me know if your want to hang at Square 1682 tonight or tomorrow?”
A week goes by and it is absolutely heartbreaking crickets.
Nothing.
I have mad energy for Trinity and for her to disappear is heartbreaking to me.
It’s just how my mind works.
I’m actually angry at the salon and tell Amelia all about it. I’m so mad that I’m not getting the dopamine drop I was expecting I go through withdrawal. (This tells me something about myself)
Amelia tells me to settle and now worry about it. (She’s so chill and amazing) But I’m so pissed and confused I just decide that while she works the front counter, I’ll just run around and clean beds and do laundry.
Where’s my Trinity? What happened? I know she works a lot and I like an industrious gal, but why has she simply disappeared?
I check her visits in the system and she hasn’t been in since our last encounter and number exchange.
I always worry, (as charming as I am) that maybe I have run off one of these pretty young girls.
(Never happened)
But where is “Stranger in a strange land” Trinity?
What happened?
I really like her and we had an amazing vibe.
I just don’t know….
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Dating in 2020 is a minefield, y’all — between orbiting, breadcrumbing, Gatsbying, and good ol’ fashioned ghosting, there’s a multitude of potential hazards you could run into while trying to meet “The One” (or at least the one for right now). The latest term to wrap your mind around is White Clawing, and it’s probably something you’ve already practiced at least once. What is White Clawing? This trend refers to dating someone exclusively for their dazzling good looks — even if you find them to be dull AF. It’s named after the popular spiked seltzer brand, which many might agree seems enticing on the surface, but actually tastes pretty bland and flavorless once you start sipping it.
If you’ve White Clawed before, you’re not alone. In fact, a 2019 Plenty of Fish survey of 1,000 app users (age 18 to 50) revealed that over a quarter of singles have done this, and 42% of them know someone who’s done this.
According to Fran Greene, licensed clinical social worker and author of The Secret Rules of Flirting, White Clawing isincredibly common because being with someone who’s good looking makes you feel more attractive, especially if you’re even a tad insecure. It makes sense, too — because having a hot date to bring to your cousin’s wedding or your office holiday party can be quite the ego boost.
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“While I didn’t know the name for it at the time, I’ve definitely White Clawed before,” says Hannah, 26. “The worst was the time I dated this very handsome, extremely tall guy with a cute Australian accent for five months. He was so boring, we had nothing in common, and he made straight-up rude comments under the guise of being ‘funny.’ (He was not funny.) When I introduced him to my friends, though, they didn’t notice any of his bad traits… one kept whispering behind his back, ‘OMG, he’s so hot.'”
It’s also worth noting that there often tends to be an element of denial to White Clawing — at least in the initial stages of dating. Even though deep down you know you don’t actually like your date’s personality, you tell yourself you need to give them a real chance simply because you aren’t willing to surrender your enviable arm candy.
“Often, the person who is White Clawing actually tries to convince themselves they are into their date when they truly are not,” adds Greene.
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“It’s tough to admit this, but I White Clawed one guy for a full six months,” Rachel, 30, tells Elite Daily. “He was a successful entrepreneur and former college football player — but his sense of humor and idea of fun couldn’t have been further from mine, and all in all we wanted very different things out of life. It took unexpectedly meeting someone I actually clicked with to help me face the reality of the situation — I finally stopped kidding myself, realized I was into him for all the wrong reasons, and promptly ended it.”
While someone can resort to White Clawing for any number of reasons depending on their unique circumstances, Greene notes that it’s a particularly common practice among daters who feel more secure when they’re with someone than they do when they’re single. If they’re eager to avoid being alone, they might be more likely more willing or able to overlook the fact that someone isn’t actually a good match for them simply because they’re a whole snack. Greene also notes that White Clawing is common after a breakup that triggered certain insecurities.
“Dating someone who looks good confirms to the person who’s been dumped that there is hope that someone attractive will be attracted to them,” she explains.
Clearly, White Clawing is super common, but is it ethical to keep dating someone that you don’t actually have the potential for a real connection with beyond physical attraction? According to Greene, it all comes down to being vocal about your intentions to avoid leading your date on. Letting them know from the get-go that you’re only interested in casual dating allows you to ensure you’re on the same page. If you’re not, and they’re seeking a serious relationship with future potential, you can prevent minimize hurt feelings by compassionately ending it and moving on.
“Anytime you deceive someone to serve your own needs, it’s unfair to the other person,” adds Greene.
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Beyond thinking about the other person’s emotional well-being, Greene also recommends considering your own. Is White Clawing fulfilling all of your needs, or are you “settling” for a small fragment of what you’re truly looking for?
“If finding the love of your life is your goal, you will waste precious time by focusing on someone’s looks and not what makes a relationship work for a life together,” she explains. “As time goes on, the thrill of the good looks will disappear and the lack of connection will shine through — and disappointment will rear its ugly head. You can only deny your true feelings for so long.”
There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with White Clawing — between two consenting individuals, that is. Making it clear that you’re only interested in a physical relationship gives your date the opportunity to assess their own desires and feelings, so you can ensure that your connection is mutually fulfilling. However, if you know deep down that you actually want more than White Clawing can offer you, or that your date does, then remember this: You’re not doing either of you any favors by pursuing a relationship that’s likely going nowhere. It’s time to ask yourself: Is a White Claw going to quench your thirst? Or, are you craving something a little more complex?
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
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