Not sure if she’s showing you major signs of interest or just excessively friendly? How many of these flirting signs from a woman can you tick off?
Here’s another post from one of my female readers. I thought it was worth sharing. Take it away, Prudence!
Women are not as obvious as men when it comes to flirting. Of course, that’s a huge generalization, but on the whole, you can’t always be sure of the flirting signs from a woman.
I am a woman, so I feel well equipped to give you the reason why. You see, we think men can read our minds. Of course, it’s obvious! Why shouldn’t you be able to tell exactly what we’re thinking?
But it’s not that obvious. It can be confused with friendliness, coyness, and sometimes, depending on the type of flirting, downright disdain!
Flirting signs from a woman to look out for
Perhaps we should be a little more obvious when it comes to whether or not we’re flirting or simply being friendly. But on the whole, there are some flirting signs from a woman you can look out for and help you decide whether or not you’re reading the situation correctly.
#1 She looks at you, then she looks away. Is there anything more confusing than someone who looks at you and then looks in another direction? I mean, do they mean to look at you? Was it a mistake? Are they disgusted? What’s going on?
However, a woman who looks at you and then looks away, and perhaps sneaks another glance, is probably flirting with you a little.
#2 Playing with her hair. The twirling of the hair around the finger move is as old as time, but also generally playing with her hair and fidgeting a little. If you see this accompanied with any of the other flirting signs from a woman, it’s a pretty hard signal towards flirtation city!
#3 She tilts her head towards you and looks interested. Okay, so she could be genuinely interested in what you’re saying, but if you notice this sign and it’s accompanied by any of the others, it’s likely to be flirtation. She wants to show you that she’s fascinated by what you have to say. She’s flattering you with her attention.
#4 Mirroring your body language. If you sit with your legs crossed, she might do the same. If you lean against the wall, she will probably do it too. She’s mirroring your body language. This is a big subconscious move. It’s also one of the clearest flirting signs from a woman.
#5 She smiles in a coy way. Coyness means that she wants you to notice that she’s interested, but she’s not ready to go all out and show it clearly. She’s testing the waters and see if you pick up on the signs and reciprocate. It’s also likely that the coy smile move is accompanied by her looking at you and then turning away move. Classic!
#6 Biting or licking her lips. If she’s talking to you and looking at your lips or biting/licking her own lips, there is a very good chance that she’s flirting with you. She might be doing this on purpose or subconsciously. It’s a very flirtatious move. When you think about it, the lips are quite sexual, so she’s drawing attention to them and hoping that you show interest back. [Read:
#7 She angles her neck towards you. Again, this is likely to be a subconscious move, but the neck is a vulnerable part of the body. If she’s angling her neck in your direction, she’s actually flirting, especially if accompanied by any of the others on the list. If she’s biting or licking her lips when she’s doing this, well, she’s either a vampire or very interested!
#8 She playfully touches you. Light and playful touches are a great way to gauge someone’s interest in you. If she’s laughing and playfully nudges you, or you notice that she seems to be generally touching your shoulder or your arm and doesn’t do the same things to other people around her, it’s quite likely to be her flirting with you.
#9 She tries to find out if you have a partner. She might come right out and ask you. But if she’s inquiring about your relationship status, she’s flirting and trying to work out whether she can get in there instead! She might also ask your friends to find this information out. Of course, they’re also likely to tell you!
#10 She’s all over your social media. Are you new friends on Instagram or Facebook? Are you noticing that old photos are being ‘liked’ and she’s commenting or ‘liking’ your general posts a lot? This is a clear sign that she’s trying to figure you out and working her magic on you. When you notice any of the other signs alongside this one, it’s obviously flirtation with a capital F!
How many of these signs can you tick off? You might notice just one and still wonder whether or not she’s giving you signs. Of course, it’s best to say ‘yes to several signs before you come to a clear conclusion, but most of these are quite clear on their own too.
Most women won’t come right out and tell you that they like you. I wouldn’t. However, some will. If you have a girl around you who isn’t quite so forward, it’s down to you to try and figure out where you stand from the signs she’s giving you.
Some signs are obvious. Some are subtle. As I mentioned, she is likely to expect you to read her mind! So, work out how many of these signs are coming your way and figure out what you think about it.
What is your next move? If you like her back, show her some signs in return. Show her some attention and let her feel comfortable enough to really let down her guard. You might be lucky enough to have attracted a woman who really doesn’t mind letting you know that she’s interested. In that case, skip the flirtation and the ‘does she/doesn’t she.’ Simply figure out where you want to go.
The more likely scenario is that she’s going to make you do the work because she’s not entirely sure whether you’re flirting with her either!
Dating is confusing, and attraction before that part is even more of a mind-mess. We don’t want to come right out and say what we feel or think. We fear the other person will recoil in horror and run away. Of course, it’s unlikely, but it’s a risk we all take. Such is the joy of love and attraction!
If you’re not sure if a girl is looking your way with intent or simply glancing over your shoulder, look out for these flirting signs from a woman to figure out what she wants.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
It is easier to ruin a relationship than to keep it. Sometimes, even without intending to, we are already ruining the relationship we worked so hard to keep. Not that it is really a great deal of hard work—because if you are working too hard then there must be something wrong—but keeping a healthy relationship requires time, emotional availability, sufficient privacy and individual space, and a great deal of maturity from the couple or anyone involved. Whatever relationship we have, be it friendship or life partnership, our habits and tendencies can ruin the good thing we have if we fail to notice the red flags. Sometimes, even with good intentions, we still end up pushing our partners away instead of luring them in and keeping them.
If you want to keep the relationship going, stop doing these things and you will surely have a lasting and healthy relationship.
1. Always Playing the Victim Card
Some people have a tendency to use “guilt trip” against their partner. For example, you have to do something you’ve never done before in the name of the relationship, like leave your comfort zone and meet people, or leave your family and go abroad and work a menial job that you wouldn’t normally do because, in your country, you are someone cut out for a corporate job or a job with higher pay-grade; Or you have to sacrifice your girl’s night out because you have to take care of the kids or when you have to decide to forego that beautiful dress because you still have unpaid bills. More often than not, we are guilty of playing the victim card just because things did not go our way. You blame your partner because if not for him/her, you wouldn’t have to do such a thing.
Playing the victim card just to make your partner/friend give in to what you want is not good. It is stressful. When you make your partner the bad guy and you the victim by blaming everything on them, you just push them away. Instead of pointing fingers, why don’t you appreciate what they are doing for you and stop complaining too much about your life because clearly your partner also had to forego some things in their life just for you. That is called compromise and instead of whining all the time, be grateful instead and try to work things out together by doing your part wholeheartedly. You are in that relationship because you are together and it means that you share both the good times and bad times. Both of you have your own responsibilities so do yours and don’t just rely on your partner to do everything for the both of you. If you have to clean your house and do the dishes and you never have to do that before because someone else was doing that for you (house help or sibling), you need to realize that you now have a different life and so you shouldn’t live the way you used to.
2. Walking Out of an Argument or Not Saying Anything at All
Arguments are normal. You are different people after all so normally you have different opinions and beliefs about some things. However, some people tend to avoid arguments for various reasons like they never win anyway, or the topic is nonsense, to begin with, or there’s just no way for the couple to agree. If that’s the case, instead of walking out or not saying anything at all, it is better to agree to disagree. You both have your points to make and so you hear each other out. DO not dismiss what the other has to say especially if it is about their emotion. Never ever argue with someone’s emotion especially if it is your partner. When you dismiss their feelings, you make them feel unloved or unimportant. If you are upset, say it. If you are mad, say it. Do not just leave or ignore your partner.
There are times, however, when it is easy to pretend we are busy so we don’t have to deal with the arguments but that is just wrong. If you know that you are incapable of talking it out at that time because you are upset, tell your partner that you are upset and that he/she should give you time to cool down, and then you can discuss afterward. Know when to walk away. When things get heated or words become too abusive or hurtful, then it is better to walk away than make matters worse. But in healthy relationships, a person doesn’t just slam the door in your face or leave you screaming on your own. They communicate. That is how mature couples do it and it works every time often ending up with make-up intimacy.
3. Sleeping Without Resolving Issues
Do not let it become a habit to sleep with unresolved issues. First, because it feels so constricting to sleep beside your partner without talking, second, it starts your next day on a negative light and it basically just ruins your whole day and the days after until you resolve the issue. The most important reason of all is that, one of you might not wake up the next day and the last thing you said to each other was hurtful or a painful silence. I know, it seemed too negative to even think about it and call me paranoid or what not but it is what it is. We live in a world where people die in their sleep and imagine how devastating it would be for someone left behind with nothing but that painful memory of their last moments together. It is utterly regrettable, right? So make sure to even things out before sleeping. It is extremely beneficial for both of you to have a peaceful sleep and a fresh new start the next day. If you start the day right, you will be more productive at work and just generally in life.
Conflicts are normal and sometimes we cannot help but sleep on unresolved issues because we are so tired or it is just too much for us at the moment, in this case, you need to tell your partner that you will talk about it in the morning and don’t forget to say “I am upset but I love you. Let’s talk in the morning”. There, it is not bad at all to sleep on that…because you both know you are willing to work on it and you still love each other despite the issue.
4. Being Emotionally Unavailable
When you are in a relationship, you need to be constantly emotionally available. You need to be involved emotionally because that is how you can connect with your partner. If you are always indifferent to what he/she says or feels, you make your partner feel unimportant. This pushes your partner away from you and don’t be surprised if one day, you discover they have moved on with someone else because you weren’t there all the time or you were there physically but you were unavailable emotionally. Sometimes, we become emotionally unavailable when we have a lot of things going on in our life. Work becomes a priority and we start to miss “family or couple traditions”. Or we are going through some difficult stuff and we don’t know how to cope and so we push others away because we don’t want to be vulnerable. Or you somehow lost the spark and stopped caring altogether. Whatever the case is, emotional unavailability is a recipe for disaster.
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5. Not Listening to Your Partner
When your partner requests you to do something like throwing the trash or fixing the toilet or buying something at the store on your way home, and you said yes without really hearing what they said and so you ended up not doing any of those, it gets annoying over time if you keep doing it. Another example of not listening is when you argue and you always cut your partner off insisting that you are right and what they have to say doesn’t matter. We are all guilty of not listening at times but if you constantly dismiss your partner, you are on the path to ruining your relationship. When your partner has to say something, listen. When you learn how to listen, communication between you are your partner becomes more fluid and you understand each other better. If you want to be in tune together, you need to listen to each other.
6. Constant Nagging
For the record, women aren’t the only ones capable of nagging. Men can also be naggers especially men who want to be in control of everything. If you have the tendency to nag and find faults in your partner, stop it. There are other ways to make your partner do what you asked of them and nagging is not one of them. For one, positive reinforcement is effective. Even if it seemed easier to confront your partner about coming home late or always forgetting to put the toilet seat down, don’t. Instead, use positive scripting and tell him how much you missed the times you share dinner together or how much you appreciate it whenever he remembers to put the toilet seat down (even if it only happened once in a blue moon). Positive reinforcement emphasizes love and not anger. This way you have a higher chance of making your partner change their bad habits slowly (by being more conscious of what they do and how it affects you) instead of them getting defensive and temperamental because of your nagging.
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7. Acting Suspicious and Being Jealous
You probably have read a ton of articles about relationship red flags and signs that your partner may be cheating on you, it is no surprise, after all you are a suspicious person. Whenever you see your partner being busy with his/her phone, you immediately suspect that he/she is cheating. When you see a nice comment from a girl in his social media account, you immediately get jealous and asks your partner to un-friend that person or you block the girl if you have access to your partner’s social media account. I’ve met this kind of people before and they are exhausting, really. They want to know their partner’s passwords and if their partner refuses, they will start to think that they are hiding something. This attitude is not healthy. It shows how insecure you are in yourself and in your relationship.
It is okay to be jealous sometimes because you are afraid to lose the person and a bit of jealousy is acceptable. What is not normal is demanding to know everything like passwords, the names of people your partner interacts with, having someone spy on your partner and sneaking in your partner’s belongings to find something and not allowing your partner to go to social gatherings without you with him. Being extremely possessive and unreasonably jealous and suspicious is incredibly annoying and before you know it, your relationship has ended. Give your partner space and respect his/her privacy. Trust in your partner. I get it, once you have been cheated on, it becomes difficult to trust fully again. But unless you really have strong evidence of him cheating on you, give yourself and your partner a break and breathe.
8. Bringing Up Past Mistakes Over and Over Again
Whenever an argument comes up, you like to keep enumerating the past mistakes your partner did to prove a point. Not only is it exhausting, it is also very unhealthy. If you resolve your issues, you need to realize that you start with a clean slate. You have to forgive and forget. It is not always easy to forget what they did in the past but if you keep bringing that up, you will never get anywhere. Even if your partner is trying hard to do better, if you keep bringing up the past mistakes on their face, they will eventually stop trying and just go back to their old ways since you do not see them trying anyway. Another reason why you should avoid bringing up past mistakes is it actually evokes resentment. People make mistakes and it is a fact we can never run from. If you keep reliving the past, you can’t move on and you can’t forgive. If you can’t forgive then there is no point for you to keep being in that relationship. It will only be toxic for you and your partner and the relationship will go nowhere. Finally, bringing up the past deviate both of you from discussing what the real problem is. You may think it may be connected with what happened in the past, but more often than not, the issue you should be dealing with is something right in front of you, at present. If you fail to address the real issue right now, then you will not get the issue resolved. Don’t dwell in the past. Instead, deal with what you have at present.
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9. Foregoing Intimacy and Compliments
Sometimes, being together for so long becomes a little bit too boring for others that they lose their intimacy eventually. Once intimacy is gone, the couple will start to drift apart. No matter how busy your life gets, always find time to cuddle, be alone and share an intimate dinner or go out on a date. You should hold on to your intimate moments, that way you never lose the “spark”.
Compliment each other and work on your romance regularly. It can be in a form of getting her flowers for no reason at all, or cooking something nice or his/her favorite meal, or giving your partner a massage. Even simple things like that can keep the intimacy going. Don’t forget to say, “I love you”, “thank you”, and “I’m sorry”. These words go a long way…
10. Forgetting to Take Care of Yourself
When you are in a long relationship, somehow your looks become insignificant to your partner, heck, you’ve seen each other’s worst look in the morning when you wake up and smelled each other’s fart. It is so easy to understand why a lot of people stop caring about their looks when they are happily in a relationship. However, this should not be a reason for you to stop taking care of yourself. You still need to go out there and work out so you keep fit. You shouldn’t always lie on the couch eating junk foods while enjoying movie marathon nights. You shouldn’t go out with your jogging pants and messy hair. DO not take yourself for granted just because you believe your partner will love you even if you gain weight or even if you stopped looking good. Keep yourself fit, dress appropriately whenever you go somewhere, eat and drink in moderation, treat yourself to a good pampering massage or hair treatment, wear something nice and style your hair. It may seem difficult when you have kids to take care of, but it is important to look and feel good about yourself. Try not to neglect yourself while taking care of your partner and kids. Not only does it keep the romantic flame going, but it also makes you feel good inside out.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
After the success of my first work of fiction, Angel with a Broken Wing, I knew I wanted to do another book.
But, I wanted to do something different. I started writing the first draft for Below the Wheel. My first book was about a man running away from his life. He was miserable in his job and wanted to hit the road and be gone. I always loved the idea of writing a road story. I’ve driven across the United States so I understood the subject and the lay of the land.
Below the Wheel is a story about friends and relationships. Two guys who worked together for years and grew tired of the rat race. They open a detective agency in Camden, New Jersey, and the story goes from there.
I write from my heart and my gut. The first draft of Below the Wheel was a brutal piece of work. Laced with graphic sex and violence, and peppered with profanity. When I let an agent read it, she liked it but couldn’t take the violence and filth. It was just over the top. I learned from crafting Angel with a Broken Wing, that less is more. Rather than lay it all out there for the reader, I decided to take a different approach. Clean it up a bit. Let the reader picture what’s happening in the scene using their imagination. They’ll get it. You can say it without actually saying it or showing it. I’ve learned a lot from writing this book, but more from editing it.
Like Angel with a Broken Wing, I added a new chapter during the editing process. I always like to leave things a little open for the chance of a sequel. But, I felt like this book needed a little more resolution than I originally gave it. So, I added a nice twist to the story. It also fixed something I never felt completely satisfied with. I feel better about the story and the fate of the characters now. When you write you have to look after your characters. They belong to you. I’d like to someday write a follow-up to this book.
Where did the title come from? That’s a secret. If we meet in person I’ll reveal that to you.
The Admiral Wilson Boulevard. You can read about it here:
It’s an interesting bit of history, but its portrayal in my book is accurate. In the 80s and 90s, it was a grey serpent littered with drug addicts, hookers, and vice. They only cleaned it up when the Democratic Convention came to town sometime after that. It’s all different now. Gone are the strip joints, short-stay- fleabag motels, and human detritus.
Alex Hunter: Like Christian Blackmore from Angel with a Broken Wing, they’re completely made up. I think writers sometimes base their main characters on themselves. I think that was the case here, but we always change things and add things that make them more interesting. I did quit smoking back in the 90s when my daughter was born. I didn’t want to be around my baby smelling like cigarettes. That sweet little head that smells like heaven. I just didn’t want to be the stinky smoky dad around her. I also thought of the health aspects that come from smoking cigarettes. I did use a nicotine patch to get me off the ciggies and it worked. It was rough going though. I’d get stressed back then or be fighting with my then-wife and really want a cigarette. So, I could relate to what Alex was going through in this story.
Alex also has a problem with alcohol. I like interesting characters with feet of clay. I always have. The underdog wants to do the right thing and save the world but struggles with himself. That’s why Batman is more popular than Superman. Batman’s parents were murdered right in front of him as a child. He’s got issues. But Superman was born Superman. He actually has to act like a wimp and a coward to fit in with us mortals. I like the imperfections in a character. It gives them life and relatability to the reader. Who wants to root for Joe Got-It-All? He’s probably a bore. I would much prefer to cheer for the underdog. The failure. The guy who has moments of greatness and yet somehow is undone by his own vices and devices. It just seems more real.
I hardly ever drink anymore. I just became bored with it. After so many years, it just didn’t make sense anymore. Why would I want to stand in a bar with a bunch of drunks? Why would I want to fry my liver and wreck my health? Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy the occasional well-made Manhattan, but it’s just not interesting to me anymore. I certainly don’t need it to write like some authors. A clear mind will always prevail. But Alex still loves the bottle and struggles with it all the while trying to be a better person.
Scott Appel: He’s based on my real-life friend, Scott. I know most writers change the names of characters based on real people, but Scott’s my friend. We’ve been pals for over 20 years. When I told him the theme for this book he was enthusiastic about being in it with me. So we changed his last name and he came up with it himself. It didn’t mean much to me so I left it in. Why not write about what you know? It’ll make the characters more real. The banter back and forth between Alex and Scott is how we actually speak to each other. It’s all fun ribbing and slagging. That’s what friends do. Besides, Scott won’t sue me for using his name in my book. I’ve got too much dirt on him anyway!
Genevieve Bouchard: She’s the insurance agent with whom the boys share an office in Camden. This character is based on an actual girl I knew back in the 90s who sold insurance for a living. She was my agent for years. I didn’t know much about her, but she looked like the character in the book. Even though I was married back then, I always liked her. She just seemed like a cool, nice person who was down to Earth. She did have a common-law husband though. They never married and he did run a contracting business. But the Bruno Cartiglio character is completely made up. I never met her significant other. I just created him based on the biker types I’ve met in my life. He’s just a bad egg.
Dr. Ignatious Feeny: The coroner is based on a customer I knew back when I worked for First Union Bank back in the 90s. He looked like Iggy in real life. Right down to the teeth. He was an odd character. A little touched in the head. My father always taught me to treat everyone fairly. I had good customers and bad ones. But they all had money in my branch and deserved respect. This guy would always ask me if he could use the phone in my office. I let him because he told me his neighbors were listening in on his conversations. He was obviously nuts but a harmless person. Just because someone is different or weird doesn’t mean they don’t deserve respect. You’d be surprised how well people respond with a little kindness. So he gets to be the brilliant but weird coroner in my book!
Ezra Chambers: The Police Luitenant was completely made up. I just pictured Morgan Freeman in the role and he was born!
Otis Guth: I based him on this fat, slovenly guy I once worked with at a record store in the early 90s. He wasn’t like Otis Guth at all. But when I think of the character in my mind I see that guy. Just hard to look at and listen to. Otis’s history is all made up except for the bit about him pursuing the kids who stole the car. That happened to a police officer friend of mine.
Alyssa Ward: She’s completely from my imagination as well. But when I think about the character, I probably was inspired by the lovely Alycia Lane the former co-anchor at KYW-TV in Philadelphia. Google her, and you’ll see what Alyssa Ward looks like in my book. Quite the babe!
Robert Wick: He’s based on a manager I had when I worked at Security Financial Services in the mid-90s. He was a gruff hard-ass but I loved him. He was great at his job and a fair manager. I would put him in the top 3 of the best men I’ve ever worked with. He wasn’t as mean or as foul-mouthed as my character, but he had that same swaggering confidence. A brilliant guy.
Karen Moore: This poor thing was based on several drug-addled prostitutes and strippers I’ve met in my life.
Her daughter Luna, is completely made up. I just wanted to create a truly good and innocent person in this story. A victim of circumstances not of her own making. A good kid, who had great potential but had just been dealt a bad hand in the game of life. The only rose to grow in a garden filled with thorns and spent hypodermic needles.
Pastor Victor Dorath: I was once in love with a girl named Linda Bradley back in the 80s. She was from Philly and I lived in Wildwood at the time. I met her on the beach and was smitten. But I hardly ever saw her. She was a straight-A student and somewhat religious. I actually went to see a pastor in Cape May, NJ for counseling. I know it seems nuts now that I think back on it, but I just needed someone to talk to about my feelings. I based this character on that gentleman. He was really sweet and a kind ear at the time.
Darren Cain: He’s based on a manager I once worked for back in my Midlantic Bank days in the 80s. He had appeared one day from New York and seemed to have an evil streak to him. No one liked him because he was so intense. But he liked me, and I think he probably had a thing for me. (He was gay) When I think of Darren Cain I see Pete Rallo. A crazy, misunderstood guy that was drunk with power. Oh, he later died from AIDS.
Lisa Devlin: (A minor character but worth mentioning) She’s based on a girl I knew who actually did work at Gloucester County College. I was taking some night courses there back in the 90s when I was married. (Like Christian Blackmore in Angel with a Broken Wing!) My then-wife thought I should finish my education. (Her family was extremely collegiate) Lisa was this nice girl that helped me navigate my classes and credits. I ended up hanging out with her a few times at a bar called Rock Lobster that used to be on Deleware Avenue in Philly.
Did I leave anybody out? I think that’s it.
I hope you like reading Below the Wheel as much as I did writing it. I think my next book of fiction may be something different again. I was thinking maybe a music story about a kid who rises in the music business in early 80s Los Angeles.
I still would like to release a collection of stories from my youth in Philadelphia, and Wildwood, NJ. But we’ll see.
You can get it here on Kindle and Paperback:
This song is dedicated to my sister Jane.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
You’ve had date night on your Google Calendar for over three weeks, and you still haven’t figured out what you and your boo are going to do. You can’t watch another bad movie. You simply can’t eat takeout anymore. You’re ready to put on your sexy pants and paint the town with your flame. Of course, you need to find out what the heck is on the agenda first. If hindsight is 20/20, perhaps the year 2020 will be full of good ideas, wisdom, and learning from the past. In fact, these date ideas to try in 2020 will bring the excitement and the fun back to date night.
From dressing up like it’s 2002 and hitting up your childhood hotspots (Rainforest Cafe, ILY) to drinking some wine and getting crafty, there are tons of creative date ideas out there. Whether you turn off your phones and explore the city with disposable cameras or start a monthly movie club together to share your favorite flicks, getting out of your date comfort zone this 2020 is sure to be a 10/10 experience.
And if you’re looking to add some zest to your relationship, here are 10 date ideas for 2020 that are out of this world.
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1. Print Out Your Fave Pics & Make A Scrapbook
Go to a CVS or a RiteAid with a photo center, then print out your favorite pictures of you and your boo. Fashion them into a scrapbook, along with concert tickets, little notes, and any other small mementos you may find. It’s like an IRL Instagram feed, but of your relationship.
2. Have A DIY Date
Find a tutorial you like on YouTube (I live for TheSorryGirls and Lone Fox) and grab all the supplies you need at a dollar store or thrift shop. Load up on snacks, grab some wine or tea, and get to crafting!
3. Plan A 2002 Night & Watch A Reboot
Grab your butterfly clips and Juicy tracksuit, and get ready for a 2002-themed date night with boo. Maybe you both dress up like it’s the early 2000s and snuggle up to watch a reboot of an old classic or you hit the town by going to some OG fave spots, like the Rainforest Cafe or Johnny Rockets. Whatever you choose, the best way to celebrate 2020 with your date is to bring it back to 2002.
4. Start A Monthly Club
Planning a running date night to sit down and swap media recommendations can be a great way to start your 2020. Whether you switch off who chooses the movie or book or snuggle up to listen to some tunes together, making time to share your favorite things in 2020 is a great way to connect with your date.
5. Have A Disposable Camera Day
Sure, you have Huji Cam. Or maybe you had it, then deleted it for VSCO. Whatever the case, if you plan to have a romantic, retro 2020 date, hit up a drugstore for a literal disposable camera (yes, they still sell them) and turn your phone off for an entire day. Run around the city with your boo and take some sweet photos together on the camera, to commemorate the adventure.
6. Plan A Silly Scavenger Hunt
From hitting all the places you went together in 2019 to revisiting different memories from throughout your relationship, a scavenger hunt date can be a great way to revisit some old faves as you get into 2020. Run around the city, find clues, and get to the next spot. Then meet up somewhere that neither of you has been before!
7. Try A $5 Challenge
Meet up with your boo in a new part of a town. Then hand each other a crisp $5 bill. Select a set amount of time, then yell, “Ready, set, go!” When you reunite again, see who found the other a better present or the most things for under $5. Balling on a budget, but make it romantic.
8. Make Vision Boards Together
Sitting together and collaging about the future can be a natural way to kick off the “Where do you see this going?” convo. Maybe you talk about a city you’ve always wanted to visit, which leads to a conversation about traveling together. Or perhaps you can describe your dream apartment, then naturally bring up one day moving in together. Blast some tunes, pour some drinks, and start cutting up some old magazines.
9. Go To A Local Show
Find a local theater in your community and see what upcoming shows are coming to town. Is a local high school putting on Bring It On: The Musical(it’s a thing)? Is a community center holding a futuristic, space ballet performance? Supporting your local arts scene can mean connecting more with your date and your community.
10. Brainstorm Date Ideas For The Rest Of The Year
Write down all the things you want to do with your boo this year, as well as any exciting activities you’ve always wanted to try in your city. Mix them all up and place them in a bowl. The next time you’re wondering what to do for date night, pick something out of the bowl and commit! Having a bunch of ideas ready to go can nix any, “Well, what do you want to do?” boredom for the rest of the year.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
The greatest philosophers of our generation (AC/DC) once opined, “It’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock ‘n’ roll.” Starting out in the music business means a lot of crashing on couches, dining and dashing, and playing for “exposure” to crowds of 20 (including bar staff). Do things get easier when you make it big? Oh hell yes. But the disasters get a lot bigger too …
Authorities Thought Joy Division Might Be Actual Serial Killers
Joy Division was one of the biggest rock bands of the 1970s and ’80s. Even if you don’t recognize the name, you probably recognize their most famous work: this T-shirt.
It’s an image of radio waves from a pulsar. There, now you know more about this than 99 percent of people who own the shirt.
For a brief spell during 1979, the police were looking into members of the band for another crime wholly unrelated to fashion: the Yorkshire Ripper murders. Between 1975 and 1980, Peter Sutcliffe — an ex-gravedigger, which seems like a clue in hindsight — murdered 13 women in red-light districts across Northwest England. Police of the time tragically didn’t have access to Wikipedia, and thus did not know this information. In 1979, they turned their attention to a motley crew of musicians whose license plates were often recorded in those very same red-light districts.
As the band’s co-founder Peter Hook explained in an interview:
“What happened was that every club we played in was run by a dodgy promoter in some dodgy part of town. We managed to play in the red-light districts of Halifax, Huddersfield, Leeds, Manchester, and probably London as well. The police had asked the public to note down the license plate numbers of any strange cars in the area, so they could investigate them later. It was very frightening — they basically asked you straight out if you were the Ripper.”
Although Hook handled his interrogation fine, the band’s drummer, Stephen Morris, came off so suspicious that he was taken to the local police station for further questioning. It’s always the drummer, isn’t it?
Motley Crue’s Vince Neil Disabled Himself Over Mustard
Motley Crue is the biggest, baddest rock band to ever exist. They rubbed egg burritos on their junk to keep their girlfriends from finding out about the groupies they were banging! One of them had a lethal overdose in Slash’s shower … and started doing heroin the second he was revived! Another killed a dude while drunk driving- OK, there’s the line in the sand.
There’s one incident that they probably don’t like to talk about, however: that time they had to cancel a gig because their lead singer got BTFO’d by a jar of mustard. Prior to taking the stage at a show in Rochester, NY, the band was backstage fixing themselves some snacks when Vince Neil — famed hater of Grey Poupon — found a jar of the stuff on their catering table in lieu of his favorite brand. In a hangry rage, he threw it at the wall … at which point the jar exploded and shrapnel hit his hand, leaving him no choice but to run to the hospital before the hated Poupon could flavor his very bloodstream.
Elektra Records
Can’t emit a sense of raw, sexy, no-rules rock ‘n’ roll without the right brand of imported Dijon mustard.
In the end, his idiocy resulted in him severing a bunch of tendons, nerves, an artery, and almost an entire finger (he can’t stretch it out, even today). On the plus side, he never saw another jar of Grey Poupon backstage again, which seems like a minor win to us, but we’re no rock gods.
Pink Floyd Accidentally Toppled The Venetian Government
The Who was all about teenage angst. For Led Zeppelin, it was bizarre homages to Lord Of The Rings and pederasty. For Pink Floyd, it was rebellion and smashing the system — which the city of Venice learned all too well in 1989 after a gig by The Floyd caused the collapse of their government.
In 1989, Venice decided to expand its cultural horizons by inviting Pink Floyd to perform a free gig in the city’s historic St Mark’s Square. One problem: Historical preservationists argued that vibrations generated by the band could damage the city’s historic buildings. If only they had built that city on (something compatible with) rock ‘n’ roll.
As a compromise, the government moved the gig from the city center to a floating stage moored offshore. Why yes, it did look completely bonkers.
Sadly, no photos of the all-gondola mosh pit survived.
The gig, held on July 15, attracted over 200,000 fans to Venice (normal population: 60,000), and they did what rock fans tend to do and made a mess. Although the show didn’t knock any buildings down, the city was left with apocalyptic levels of garbage. Over 300 tons of the stuff, to be precise, along with 500 cubic meters of beer cans and bottles.
Once the city recovered, citizens demanded blood … or at least the resignation of the mayor, despite his protests that he was strong-armed into the deal by the local state-run television network. It was no good, however, and he was forced to resign — alongside the entire city council.
As revolutions go, it’s hard to top this one.
Alice Cooper is famed for his wild stage shows, featuring snakes, pyrotechnics, elaborate costumes, electric chairs, and the like. It is objectively and provably pretty bitchin‘. This kind of showmanship does have its drawbacks, however. When things go wrong, they go wrong in a fairly significant way. Case in point, that time he almost hanged himself during a gig.
We’re guessing this is a bit without a lot of room for mistakes.
While rehearsing for a concert at London’s Wembley Stadium in 1988, Cooper and his band were practicing that ol’ staple the fake hanging. After Cooper put his head into the noose and started play-acting strangulation, the piano wire that was holding him up broke, leaving him with the minor problem of actually being hanged … at least until a roadie realized he wasn’t just putting his all into the routine and cut him down.
As he admitted in an interview, the wire snapped because he never bothered to check or replace it between shows. “Everything has its stress limit and after doing so many shows, I never thought about changing the wire. You know, I figured it’ll last forever.”
Alice Cooper: Not the bastion of workplace safety we’d always assumed.
In June of last year, thousands of fans filed into Swansea, Wales’ Liberty Stadium and prepared for a mass Mr. Brightside singalong by drinking and drinking and drinking and then having a little drink to wash down all those drinks. Then it came time to use the bathroom, and it’s a soccer stadium, so that was no problem, right? Turns out concert organizers had taken it upon themselves to implement some kind of bizarre toilet-based class war, and the bathrooms were only available for fans sitting in the higher levels. If the lower levels wanted to relieve themselves, they had to leave the stadium and queue at a porta-potty in the parking lot.
Lines for those potties lasted upwards of 45 minutes to an hour. As you’d expect, fans started pulling a Pink Floyd and relieved themselves all over the stadium’s fences. The Killers finished their set and left the stage to discover the massive social media mess that their production staff had created, with some demanding full refunds on account of missing so much of the show.
Wanna be a better guitarist? Click this link to learn the secret!
Knowing how to get a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner, especially without the help of a dating app, might seem like an impossible task in the modern age. However, it’s not as difficult as you might imagine. According to a new study from Compare the Market, 45% of couples still meet either at a social gathering or through mutual friends, and only 7% meet on a dating app. Alas, there is hope!
So fear not, it’s definitely still possible to meet your dream boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, in real life. You just need to know where to find them. Sex and relationships expert for Lovehoney Annabelle Knight breaks down the best places to meet your next partner face-to-face.
Through your uniVERSITY or former school
Somebody you went to school, college or uni with can be a really compatible option for a long-term partner. If you’ve grown up together or come from the same area, then you’re likely to already have a tonne of things in common. Plus, Compare the Market found that 9% of people still meet their partner through education, so it’s definitely a good place to consider starting a relationship.
And even if you didn’t get together with your partner when you were actually at school, there’s still hope later in life. Plenty of us has some kind of missed connection from our uni, college, or school days, someone we wish we’d dated but never actually managed to make it work with. Keeping in touch with uni, college, or school groups and going to meet-ups and reunions can be a great way to get together with old friends, relive your youthful memories, and maybe even hook up with that person that you never got the chance to with at school.
Meeting a potential partner online doesn’t just have to happen through a dating app. There are plenty of ways to meet people through other forms of social media too, with 6% of people meeting their partner on socials, according to Compare the Market. Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can be great places to reconnect with people from your past, but they can also be somewhere to meet cool new people. Friends of friends can be easy to start a conversation with, as you already have somebody in common. Meanwhile, if you see someone you fancy on Insta, take the leap and slide into their DMs (respectfully, of course). What have you got to lose?
Plus, you don’t need to spend time getting to know someone when you do meet up IRL, cos you can find out everything you need to know online beforehand. Put those deep dive ‘research skills to good use…
However, age is also a massive factor when it comes to social media, with 14% of 18 to 24-year-olds meeting on socials, compared to 7% of 25 to 34-year-olds.If you do decide to opt for a dating app or site to find love (or just fun), the top place people surveyed by Compare the Market found a partner was Plenty of Fish, followed by Tinder and Match.com.
Volunteer
Donating your time for a cause you’re passionate about will help you to meet someone with similar values, and that can create cute shared experiences. But, obviously, don’t volunteer somewhere for the sake of getting a date. You should only do it if you want to broaden your network of friends, help an organization that means something to you, and learn. But, it’s through that network that you might potentially meet a new partner.
Photo credit: Juj Winn – Getty Images
Get out of the house
As simple and basic as it sounds, staying at home is not going to get you that many dates. If you do genuinely want to meet someone, be proactive with your friends and suggest new places to go – galleries, museums, gigs, bars, etc. Basically anywhere that’ll shake you out of your comfort zone and introduce you to new people. If you’re able, try and do something new every week or month which will bring you into contact with new people, whether that’s joining a club or meet up, or a class for whatever hobby you’re into.
Going out the old-fashioned way is still the most common way to meet a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner. As found by Compare the Market, 27% of couples meet at a social gathering like a party, pub or night out. So, don’t be afraid to get out there and start a conversation with somebody new.
Make eye contact
This is like swiping photos in real life. But the difference is the person is right in front of you and able to make a direct connection. You instinctively know who you are attracted to, and there’s nothing wrong in making that clear through eye contact when you are out. Just obviously be respectful of other people’s boundaries, and don’t creep any out – that goes without saying.
Use your friends
In the nicest way possible, use your pals. After all, they know your great qualities, likes, and dislikes. And, crucially, they know better than anyone if someone is a good fit for you. Plus, you know that any potential dates they put you in touch with already have a bangin’ group of pals. Compare the Market’s study found that 18% of people meet a partner through mutual friends, so don’t be afraid to let your mates know you’re up for introductions to new people – you never know where it could lead. Make sure you return the favor and do the same for your single pals too.
Coworkers can also be a great route to finding love, as you likely already have the same interests and goals in life. Plus, the research found that 18% of people still meet their partner in the workplace. That person who caught your eye across the office? Don’t be afraid to start a conversation.
Photo credit: FG Trade – Getty Images
More
Work out
Only 2% of people meet a partner in the gym, according to Compare the Market, but it can be an easy place to start a natural conversation. Just ask them to help spot you or to move some equipment. Plus, if you go to regular classes you’re probably going to see some friendly faces you can chat to.
But the gym isn’t the only workout location perfect for meeting a partner. Try joining a club or a team for whatever kind of exercise you like: triathlons, yoga, hockey, football, etc. Meeting weekly to work out and going for a drink afterward will mean you meet a whole new set of people – and therefore their friends… it’s all about widening your network.
Accept invites
Yes, of course, it can be intimidating to go to events on your own, but it’s normally possible to get a plus one and bring a friend. If not, try and get out of your comfort zone if you can and go on your own. It’s daunting but gets easier with practice. Plus, the chances are your friends who invite you to these events will have cool and interesting mates you’ve never met before. You can always ask them to intro you if you’re feeling shy or awkward.
How to turn dating into a relationship
Sadly, actually going to the right places to find your potential partner is just half the battle when it comes to starting a relationship. Compare the Market found that 33% of relationships started with casual dating, while 32% actually started as platonic friends. Meanwhile, 20% of relationships began through a series of formal dates, with just 9% evolving out of a purely physical relationship. So, next time you start daydreaming about your friend with benefits or f**k buddy turning into an actual thing, think again as it’s not super likely to happen.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
It seems that there are quite a few women who want to spend their lives with much older men. There is even a special term created for this type of relationship, the May—December romance. It sounds pretty romantic, but some people still look down on couples whose age differs significantly. This happens because they don’t realize that there are amazing reasons why women are attracted to silver foxes.
Phicklephilly knows at least 10 valuable reasons why this happens. And we’re going to tell you about them right now.
10. They are more mature.
It’s common knowledge that women tend to mature earlier than men. That’s why younger guys who are usually at the age where they still want to try different things and explore the world before entering a serious relationship, are just not the right partners for them.
Older men may seem more reliable and attractive to women who are ready for deeper commitments and family. Because these men are more likely to have passed their wild phase and want to settle down.
9. They know stuff.
We all heard that with age comes great wisdom. But there is also an ending to this saying, “but sometimes age comes alone.” It seems that Oscar Wilde was wrong, as studies prove that older men are more intelligent than younger men. And the possible reason is their broader life experience.
Women confirm this finding. They are sure that older men have gone through plenty of life experience that has effectively taught them various lessons. You can see this through their conversations.
8. They know what they want.
Another valuable trait some women highlight is that older men have less mess in their lives — and this means stability. They know exactly what they want, how to get it, and how meaningful it is. That’s why they usually don’t waste anyone’s time playing games. And that’s why they have no barriers when it comes to approaching anyone whose help or advice they need.
7. They are more financially stable.
Most women really want to be financially secure. Because when you start a family, you need to make sure that your man has enough money and assets to provide the support you and your kids need. And this is where older men are usually ahead of the game.
An average Joe in his late 20s tends to have fewer assets and less savings compared to older men. Younger guys still have to develop themselves and their careers. They’re looking for financial opportunities, and family is not something they care about in the first place.
6. They are partners.
Mature love is about patience, care, trust, and sometimes independence rather than anything else. But youth is known for its “all-or-nothing” mindset, storms of feelings, and standing ground. If there is at least one person who is wisely ready to take a back seat or at least to initiate the discussion of issues, there is hope for the relationship to last.
That’s why women appreciate when their men are able to be partners and not someone who wants to make the world revolve around them. Women do not need to be told what to do or even “allowed” to do something. Being equal is the thing that actually matters.
5. They have no problem with helping women around the house.
Women do need help with their household chores, and it seems that older men have fewer biases when it comes to this point. We can see this in a lot of comments from women on Reddit, they say that their older significant others never claimed that household chores were only a woman’s job. For example, some men do the dishes after meals or even wash their own clothes. Of course, it doesn’t mean that they have to do it all the time, but they can be helpful when there is a need.
4. They know how to treat women.
It seems that women appreciate all the relationship experience older men might have had. And it is no wonder since they really have had enough time to develop and practice their skills for treating women right.
The knowledge of what makes love fail or go on gives them a bit of advantage. They understand what women usually need and what will make them happy. They know how to avoid (or at least try to avoid) the same problems they have already been through. And this makes the relationship that much easier.
3. They’re charismatic.
Older men have unique attractiveness that triggers something in women. First of all, it’s in their appearance — noble wrinkles around their eyes, salt and pepper hair, light stubble in some of them. They also have their own way of presenting themselves, and women like the way they act, laugh and behave. They stand out thanks to their unique sense of style because they don’t usually follow fashion trends as closely as college-aged boys.
2. They don’t seek out drama.
Let’s face it, women are pretty emotional creatures. They can easily exaggerate things and act without thinking. That’s why it is important for them to have men who are able to make them stop and breathe. And it appears that older men tend to have this skill.
We believe that they just don’t look for any drama or conflict anymore. They prefer not to argue over ordinary problems. And even if there is an issue they can sit down and talk it out like adults and come up with a solution that will be beneficial for all parties.
1. They provide a feeling of security.
Some women mentioned security in their comments, and we can’t omit this point either. In fact, security is one of our basic needs, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. And what can make women secure and comfortable in their everyday lives? We believe that all the things we’ve discussed above can do this.
You need money and other assets to be financially secure. You need a reliable partner to spend your life with. And you need to know where your life is going. It seems that older men are better able to provide all of these things and make us feel safe.
Do you find older men attractive? Why do you like them?
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
I had become prolific at meeting women on the ride and getting dates with them. If it was Tuesday night and I hadn’t met anyone yet, I would think something was wrong.
That’s how crazy and easy it was back then.
One night I met this lovely little blonde from Lebanon PA, named Lisa Hale. I met her on the ride and we decided to hang out after I finished work. I was in a band at the time and loved all things rock and roll. We ended up sitting in the chairs outside her motel room, sipping beers, and smoking cigarettes. She was a sweet girl and I really liked her. The thing I remember most about her was how much she liked music. I was an Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones guy at the time. I told her I liked hard rock and she told me to check out some bands I knew nothing about. She told me to go find some cassettes by bands called Judas Priest, Scorpions, and Def Leppard. I had never heard of any of these bands but on her recommendation, I did go out and buy Judas Priest’s new album, British Steel, and Scorpions, Animal Magnetism. Those two records became my go-to albums for the rest of the summer and began a lifelong love of these bands and all things heavy metal. Thank you, Lisa!
Here’s a photo she gave me. If anybody knows this girl, please tell her I’d love to talk to her and thank her for the rock! Cutie!
One night a pretty blonde caught my eye when she got on the ride. My boss Louie could see I was checking her out and she was smiling at me. He left the seat behind her empty and handed me the flashlight and told me to take a ride through to “check on the ride”. He knew I wanted to chat up this girl. So on the way up the hill to the roof, and through the ride, I got the name of the motel where she was staying and made a beach date with her for the next day.
The next morning I looked up where the hotel was in the local phone book. It was all the way down near Wildwood Crest. Normally I would walk to wherever the women were but that day I had a better idea.
I walked up to New Jersey Avenue at 8th street and hopped on a bus down to the Crest to see her. I never told her that I took the bus and she thought I walked the whole way. She gave me lots of love for making the long trek to see her. (Yea!)
Like the others, she was my weekly girlfriend. I even kept in touch with her and saw her the next summer too!
Here she is. We’re still friends on Facebook.
Janice!
There were girls that would come up and go on the ride all of the time. Some would talk to us and some wouldn’t. We had fans. There were these two girls that would always come on the ride and look at us and giggle. They told us they were older than they were but we knew they were younger. It was really cute. They would come on the ride almost every day. Sometimes during the day and sometimes at night. One of the girl’s names was actually Panda. I am not kidding you. Her last name sounded like the word “bear” but was spelled differently. I had to ask myself, what kind of parents would name their baby daughter Panda? A rare creature? I have no idea!
We called her and her friend out on their ages and they showed us their IDs. The cards stated that the girls were 16 years of age. They still looked questionable though. But Panda was cute as a button.
One night I was going on break and left the pier to go grab a snack on the boardwalk. (Slice at Sam’s Pizza? Probably!) I ran into Panda and she was on her own. We chatted for a bit and she seemed kind of shy. I was 17 by then and I thought it was endearing.
We walked off the boards and I kissed her. She sort of froze in my arms and she blushed and giggled. It just felt a little weird and I told her I had to get back on the ride. I handed her some free passes and went back to work.
Recently, while doing research for this series, I searched for her on Facebook. I found her and checked to see if I could find her date of birth. I did. She was not 16 years old when I gave her a little smooch in 1980.
YIKES!
One night I came into work and one of the guys handed me a postcard. He said some girls left it for me.
That was one of ours because that was a daytime shot of Hunt’s Pier and that was our Whacky Shack!
Of course, I turned it over.
I was surprised and puzzled by this postcard. Who dropped this off, and what did it mean?
And…who’s Gail?
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
In 9th grade, I was a total loser. But even back then one of the few things I had going for me was my artistic ability. I found a friend at Fels Junior High named Robert Weichert. He was a quiet thoughtful boy. Good looking with amazing blonde curly hair like a young Robert Plant.
We were of like mind. We liked rock music and comic books. He would come over to my house and we would hang out in my room and listen to records and read comics together. I remember my times with Robert were amazing. He was one of the few people I had made a connection with. I remember laughing so hard with him that my stomach would hurt. Normally my stomach only hurt if I was having anxiety, some reaction to food, or I was being punched by some bully in school.
We both hated school and all of the animals we had to deal with in that zoo. Even the teachers.
Robert had a talent for writing and I had a talent for drawing. We would make up our own line of superheroes. He would write the little stories, and I would draw the comics. It was a perfect union of creativity that belonged only to us in our little teenage world.
I think his family was breaking up. He said he was going to take the name of the man who was now with his mother. I don’t remember many details but it must have been a rough time for him. The man’s last name was Ketterer and I noticed that Robert would write the name “Ket” on his record albums to identify them as his when he went to summer camp.
Boys didn’t really talk about feelings or family back then. We simply lived in the moment. If we were together laughing, reading comics, and listening to rock we were happy. It was these little moments of repose that were the only solace we had in the hellish existence in junior high school.
When I think about how my daily life was back then in 9th grade, I displayed all of the symptoms of someone who was profoundly depressed. A terrible student, and the thing my father always told me not to become… A victim. I was a victim every day. More like a target. Deal with the animals at school, and then come home and face the king of them all at home, when his car would pull up the driveway each night.
I was growing weary of being picked on and humiliated at school on a daily basis and also by some of the boys that hung up the corner from our house.
I remember gathering a couple of small empty green 7up bottles that I had taken out of our trash. I rinsed them out and filled them with paint thinner or some other accelerant we had in our basement. I tore up some rags and tied them around the necks of the bottles and capped them. I hid them under the sinks in the front of our basement. I was thinking if things got to a breaking point with this one specific kid that had it in for me, I would go to his house and throw those Molotov cocktails through his front windows.
It was a dark time. But I never acted on any of my ideas. But at least I felt a moment of comfort knowing that I could do something to end it once and for all. Instead of lashing out with words and hands, my depression was simply my rage turned inward on myself.
I think I eventually dumped them out, thinking if my mom found out that I was building firebombs in the basement she’d have me committed.
I remember going to my guidance counselor about this other kid that was torturing me for his own pleasure at school. The counselor knew this boy and his advice to me was to hit him back. The kid was a coward, and I should hit him back and he’d stop. That’s wonderful advice, sir. More violence. I am not a violent person. But back then I had a seething temper I later learned to control. When you’re 14 you’re at your absolute purest as a young killer. The hormones and chemicals firing in your brain make you act out. But I never did. But I knew if I ever did anything, it wouldn’t be a scuffle in the schoolyard where I could get my glasses broken and my teeth knocked out. I would simply end it with my attacker.
I knew I had to control that animal that lived inside my mind. I knew him very well and he was worse than any punk at school or the beast who lived down the hall. But I knew if I ever let him out, he’d do something that he could never take back.
You’d think I would have simply walked back to the lot at the end of our street and laid on the railroad tracks and wait for the train to take me.
But I’ve never had thoughts of suicide. Never. No matter how bad things ever got in my life I never wanted to do that. Nobody asks to come here. You should be able to leave when you want to. It’s your life. It’s really all you own. But you don’t really own it. Your soul inhabits a vessel that you rent until it expires and you’re gone.
I used to say that 9th grade was the worst year of my life. It was then, but I would have worse times in the future. But they all happened by my own device. My own bad decisions. Mostly on the people, I chose to have in my life.
But that’s not what this story is about.
At some point, Robert’s mother said she was going to take Robert out of school for one day to take him to Great Adventure. He wanted me to come with him. I had never been there but I had heard about it on TV. Wildwood had a bunch of amusement rides on the boardwalk, but Great Adventure was a big amusement park in New Jersey. I didn’t like the wild rides in Wildwood. Most of them were things that went up high, spun around, or went too fast. I wasn’t having any of that and preferred the more gentle attractions on the boardwalk like the Pirate Ship, Whacky Shack, or the Keystone Kops on Hunt’s Pier.
I have no idea how we got that trip approved. I was a horrible student basically flunking out of all of my subjects. Please tell me the last time you needed Algebra or Spanish in the last month. I remember my father giving me a small, sharp lecture on how he shouldn’t let me take a day off from school to go play in an amusement park with some friends. Why should he let me go, or reward my poor performance in school by giving me a special day off to go play in a park?
I have no idea, but my parents let me go. I was having my usual low-level anxiety about getting in a strange car with Robert’s mom and his stepdad, but I sat in the back of their station wagon with Robert, and seeing him kept me calm. He was really sweet like that. He was my comrade. The writer and creator of our little comics. Deneb 6, Cestus, Midnightess, Prince Apollo, Captain Universe, Kid Universe, and the Prowler. I loved the Prowler. I designed a cool costume for that character in the comics we made.
Turns out his mom was a really nice lady and her husband was a good, chill guy. They looked like the type of folksy couple that would run a gift shop in some little village somewhere. I felt at ease with them as the car headed over the Tacony Palmyra Bridge into New Jersey.
We get to the park and Robert’s mom and stepdad are just lovely to be around. Just really cool people. They bought us both little bracelets that were all-day passes to the park. We could go on any ride as many times as we wanted, as long as we wore the bracelets.
Then the incredible happened. They cut us loose. They told us where to meet them and what times to check in, but they walked away.
It was a beautiful sunny day in a new world with my friend. His folks said they were going to probably get some food, and then go check out the wild animal safari. That’s where you drive your car through an animal preserve and look at wild animals. Monkeys jumping on your car, etc. I watched as his parents simply left us alone and we were two 14-year-old boys free to do whatever we wanted in the park. I was stunned and elated.
We walked around and explored the park. It was beautiful. Just me and one of my best friends, free for the afternoon in a wonderland. I don’t remember all of the things we saw and did, but I remember how I felt that one day with Robert. We were both free from school and everything else for a day.
We both loved girls at that point. What teenage boy doesn’t? There was plenty there, which surprised me because I thought they should all be in school. But I suppose most were tourists from somewhere else out with their families.
At some point, Robert asked me if I wanted to go on the log flume with him. I had never been on the log flume on Hunt’s Pier or any rollercoaster, due to my fear of everything.
But Robert gently coaxed me with his words.
“Come on, Chaz. It’ll be fun. Look, there’s a bunch of girls going on it. Maybe we can talk to them.”
“I’m afraid, Rob. I don’t go on rides like that. I’m scared I’ll get sick.”
“You’ll be okay. I’ll be right there next to you. No pressure. But we’ll have fun. It’ll be over before you know it.”
“Okay.”
I was terrified, and probably trembling as we approached the gate. The fear crept in. The worst part was when you committed and got in line. Once you were far enough in on the line there was no turning back. I didn’t want to wreck my friend’s day by running away and being embarrassed.
We finally got to the front of the line. The attendant steadied the log/boat and we got in.
“Just breathe, Chaz. Trust me.”
I did trust Rob. We were close. We shared a lot. I needed to steady myself and survive this scary ordeal. I knew I shouldn’t have done this! I’m probably going to puke!
The boat floated along for short a time and then grabbed the rubber rotating conveyor belt that carried it up the first hill. It was a small one so I held on tightly. I could hear Rob’s voice. He was calming me, but only a little. I was on high alert. I was in danger. But Robe was there. I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay, right? I won’t die. Look at all of these other people. They’re all happy and I’m terrified. They’re all having fun and right now I am living in the opposite. My whole psyche is upside down in this life. Why am I like this? Why can’t I be like everybody else?
We reach the top and the boat slides down the small hill with a splash!
I didn’t die. That was okay, and I’m nervously laughing in relief. That wasn’t so bad.
Then the next climb is a bit higher. Another hill. Again… up and then down. Splash! I somehow have survived again. It’s a miracle. The boat’s cruising along and two girls are sitting right in the seat in front of us. They’re giggling and looking back at us and… smiling.
I must be strong. The boat climbs an even higher hill. But for some reason, I’m not dying. Rob’s smiling and reassuring me. I can’t look like a loser in front of these cute girls. We’re low in the boat and I focus my eyes on the inside of the small craft. We’re pretty high up and I can’t look out, because I’ll die. But the way these little log boats are constructed we’re low in the seats to keep the center of gravity down.
The boat is at the top now. But it doesn’t go right down a hill. It goes along on a straight line around the top. It’s making a turn now. I glance over. I can see the hill over to my left. That’s the hill we’re going to go down. We’re so high up. I’m scared but I have to hold it together, for Rob and for myself.
We get to the crest of the hill and down we go. I can hear the screams of delight from the girls in front of us, and as we land with an enormous splash I feel a sudden rush of relief wash over me (Along with a lot of water!)
That’s it. I did it. I went on my first thrill ride and I didn’t puke or die. It’s a gosh-darned miracle.
We exit the ride and are pretty wet, along with everybody else. It feels good. I experienced what exhilaration felt like for the very first time. I’m not athletic and don’t do any sports or anything risky, so my fear turned into relief and excitement. It felt good. I didn’t know it back then, but the dopamine was dropping. What a wonderful relief. What a wonderful feeling. The girls even talked to us a little bit after the ride. It was nice. For the first time, I didn’t feel like a leper mutant.
“See, Chaz. You did it. It was great, right?”
“Yea… yea… It was pretty cool. I was panting and feeling joy and relief.
I liked that feeling.
“Do you want to walk around a little bit?”
“No Rob. Let’s get back in line.”
We rode that log flume probably a dozen times that day. I was frightened, but I was with Rob. We did it together. I felt safe with him and liked the high I got from the ride. I had somehow turned my fear into excitement. I learned something about myself that day.
Nothing is ever as bad as you think it is, as long as you don’t let the fear in.
You can take that fear and turn it into something else. I was a long way from conquering my anxiety or my depression, but it was a step, albeit a small one.
But it was a step. The only thing holding me in my prison cell was me holding onto the bars. If I would just let go, the bars would fall away and I could walk right out.
It’s not that simple, but I learned that if you want to conquer something in your life, simply take a step. Any step. Just take the step. Then slowly walk toward the things you fear. Keep doing it over and over, and after a few years or decades in my case, you’ll rewire your mind to carry forth into tomorrow.
My life changed that afternoon in a small way. I thankfully graduated from 9th grade and went to the seashore for the summer. The summer of 1977 was the first great summer of my young life. Everything changed and I was on my way.
I rode every rollercoaster in Wilwood that summer.
The Supersonic on Sportland Pier, The Jumbo Jet on Morey’s Pier, The Flyer on Hunt’s Pier, The Wild Mouse on Marine Pier, and the glorious Queen’s Rollercoaster on Marine Pier West.
One evening I rode every rollercoaster on the island!
Life can be like a rollercoaster. There’s all that anxiety and fear as you climb the hill of your life. You slowly reach the top and you’re terrified. It’s too high. I’m going to die. Then the coaster zooms down the first hill and the fear turns into excitement. Every hill after that is never as thrilling as that first one. That long difficult climb to the top to face your fears is now behind you. Once the ride is over and the coaster roars into the station, you can only think about one thing.
I can’t wait to do that again.
Rob and I lost touch after Junior High because he went to a different high school than me. But I’ll never forget that boy, and that special day we got to play hooky from school and go on a great adventure together.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Whether they make you smile or cringe, cutesy couple names are often part of a loving relationship. Although babe, bae, and boo are all great staples, why not take a look at past names too? The old-fashioned pet names for your partner are cute, cheesy, and sometimes a little bizarre. As it turns out, couples have been praising (and maybe slightly annoying) one another with these cutesy terms of endearment for centuries.
Plus, the precious and sometimes embarrassing nicknames that couples call one another could say some positive things about your relationship overall. “Using baby talk seems to be a way to strengthen an emotional bond between relationship partners, which is something you would want to do with a partner you want to commit to, but probably not with partners that you don’t wish to be attached to,” Amanda Gesselman, a postdoctoral research fellow at The Kinsey Institute, told Scientific American. If both you and your partner are open to the silliness that comes along with it, using pet names for one another can make your connection even stronger.
So to help you find that perfect pet name, here is a selection of couples’ nicknames from the past. Some are traditional and precious, whereas others are a bit more unusual. Read on to pick one suits your own partner and relationship.
1. Angel Face
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This cute pet name sounds like something courting teens would have used in the ’40s or ’50s. Use it for your modern-day partner any time. To be extra cutesy, use the angel emoji as well the next time you text them.
2. Chuck
Sure, it’s a regular name as well, but chuck also has a long history as a term of endearment. Used since Shakespeare’s time, the nickname chuck means “my love,” and it’s derived from the sound of a chicken clucking, according to Dictionary. Drop it on your loved one out of nowhere, and they might think you’ve forgotten their name.
3. Darling
This is about as old-school as a pet name can get. In fact, the term darling dates back to at least the 1590s, when it already meant “very dear, particularly beloved,” according to the Online Etymology Dictionary. Using this word is a throwback to the ’90s, and in this case, that’s the 1590s.
4. Doll Face
This is one of those nicknames that sound so delightfully old-fashioned. There was even a 1945 film by the name of Doll Face, about the life of a burlesque performer. Add this one to your list of adorable names for your partner.
5. Dove
Typically viewed as peaceful, gentle birds, doves are also a long-standing symbol of commitment between partners. Like many birds, doves can mate for life, according to the American Dove Association. Now it makes sense why there were “two turtle doves” in the old holiday song.
6. Duckie
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For whatever reason, nicknames based on birds seem to have some serious staying power. Along these lines, duck is another old-fashioned pet name for your partner. Particularly in the UK, duck is a cute term of endearment, according to the British Council. Call your partner “duck” or “duckie” and see how they respond.
7. Honey
There’s no shortage of pet names based on sweet treats. Honey is no exception. Calling your S.O. “honey” in a sincere way is so charming and a little retro.
8. Gentleman Caller
You might recognize this one from the play “The Glass Menagerie,” where potential suitors for Laura are referred to as “gentleman callers” by her mother Amanda, a former debutante. It’s a distinctly old-fashioned term. To update it to your relationship, feel free to use “gentlewoman caller” or just “gentle caller”.
9. Kitten
Adorable animals are another constant source of pet names. Consider kitten as a nickname for your S.O., if this kind of thing is your style. It’s eternally cute.
10. Lambkin
It’s another name that goes back to at least the time of Shakespeare. Lambkin is used as a pet name in both Henry IV and Henry V plays, according to Dictionary. Try it out on your partner the next time they’re being as sweet as a little lamb.
11. Miting
If cute, tiny animals are frequently used as inspiration for pet names, then this word takes the idea to its extreme. Meaning “a little one, a mite,” miting is an obsolete term of endearment, according to Your Dictionary. Bring it back and call your loved one a mite (with the best intentions, of course).
12. Mouse
This is such a cute term, I’m surprised it isn’t more popular. Take it to the next level by borrowing from the German term knuddelmaus, or “cuddle mouse,” as noted in Mental Floss. Calling your partner “my little mouse” or “my cuddle mouse” is some next-level adorableness.
13. Sweetheart
The classic song “Let Me Call You Sweetheart” was first published in 1910, but this term of endearment is way older than that. In fact, the term “sweetheart” as a pet name dates back to at least the year 1290, according to The New Republic. This might make it the most old-fashioned pet name on the list.
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