California Dreamin’ – Ashley – 3 Strikes – Part 3

Wildwood, NJ – 1984

When I got back to Wildwood, NJ I would write letters and sometimes talk to Ashley on the phone. One night I had been drinking while I was on the phone with her and the conversation turned to sex.

Ashley became enraged, that I was gone from her life and all I wanted to do was talk about how great our sex had been. She yelled at me and told me she never wanted to speak to me again. She was peevish, ex-lover spurned with jealousy and rage.

I was fine with that. I was already seeing someone else by then.

Philadelphia, PA – 2008

25 years later, I’m living in Rittenhouse with my girlfriend, Michelle. One day I go on Facebook, and I have a friend request from Ashley! I was happily surprised to hear from her after so long. Facebook was still pretty new back then and people were reconnecting with all of their old friends from the past. Whether that’s a good idea or not, I don’t know. I’m going to say it’s a good thing. I’ve been able to chat with many of my old friends and it’s nice to see some of them after all of these years.

But after about a week or so, Ashley writes me a message that I’m not being a good Facebook friend and she’s cutting me off. I didn’t understand what that meant. I guess I was supposed to be more attentive on this social media platform. It seemed weird to me at the time, but after all that time I didn’t care. She just seemed crazy. Mental illness is an insidious thing. I’ve met enough crazy people here in Philly, and I just don’t care anymore.

Philadelphia, PA – 2020

Here we go again. We’re all in lockdown due to the global pandemic. Out of the blue, I get a message on Facebook from Ashley. Now it’s been 37 years since I laid eyes on her.

She and I would message each other on Facebook. It was nice to chat with her again after all of these years. We had a shared history from a long time ago when we were young and free in L.A. in the early 80s.

She had been to school and became a chef, married for over 30 years, had no children and had been living in Italy for many years. It was fun to catch up.

But after a short period, I started to notice a very angry tone in her messages. She seemed bitter and preachy about certain subjects. I’ve been around for a long time and have a wealth of life experience. I can pretty much read people through the written word as if I’m listening to them in person. It sounded like when she’d get mean in her messages, she was drunk.

I think she searched my blog looking for some heartfelt story about her and there just wasn’t any. I wrote about a bunch of wild things that happened to me and the boys when we got to LA but never got around to writing about her.

She gave me a really hard time about some of my posts. I felt violated and insulted by how corrosive her words were about my blog. So many cruel, words. It hurt, but I’m accustomed to trolls by now. I’m sure it was just her drunken bitterness coming forth from a life not lived. Just silly, juvenile, embarrassing behavior from a middle-aged woman.

It’s a shame when you find out a person has lived over half a century and hasn’t ever evolved as a person.

I have a low tolerance for drunk people even though I have a high tolerance for alcohol. (Not anymore, thank you) But she seemed drunk and rambled on in some of her messages. It felt uncomfortable and I felt bad for her. When I looked on her Instagram it was just a bunch of pictures of locations where she lived. She seems lonely. That’s the vibe I got. No kids, married for 30 years and has almost no info or photos of her husband.

I suppose what happened to her is that she’d sadly lived a life that’s been unfulfilled. She speaks and acts as though she hasn’t grown as a person or matured as an adult. She was still pissed about me leaving her back in 1983!

We spoke on the phone one morning and it was lovely. But she wanted to chat so much on Facebook messenger that it started to feel like too much. She said, “Promise me we can do this every week.”

Who says that? Promise me? I’m not making any promises to some 60-year-old woman who lives on the other side of the planet. I haven’t seen her in 37 years! Anything we ever were was finished a long time ago.

I also noticed how she would message me on Facebook, and if I didn’t respond, she would delete them all which seemed juvenile and weird. Sadly, Ashley’s never matured as a person and hasn’t evolved through the years. I can’t relate to any of that nonsense.

I think poor Ashley’s bored in her life and where she’s ended up, and has turned to alcohol for solace. But that never works. That’s just a band-aid covering up your real issues.

I spoke to my daughter about it and she said it all seemed kind of weird after all of this time.

I would have been happy to chat with her ocassionally on messenger. That would have been nice. But I don’t want to be in constant touch with someone and have them sending me clips of a bunch of music and songs I have zero interest in. It all seemed juvenile. I guess if you marry too young and don’t live a full life, you kind of get stuck behaving a certain way. I don’t know how her husband has put up with all of this childish behavior for so many years. I’d have divorced this woman/child years ago. But that’s his life, not mine. I don’t know the man.

So, at one point she sends me a message about how it’s been great talking to me and hopes I have a nice life. I saw it and didn’t respond. I could tell it was just an attempt to get my attention. But I simply don’t care. I feel nothing for this person.

There were a few more drunken messages that were later deleted. I’m assuming she writes a bunch of wild things when she’s half in the bag, and then the next morning when she’s sober, takes them down.

I figured she’d wait until the end of December of last year. If she hadn’t heard from me, she’d cut me off for the third time.

Had she just reached out to chat and behaved like an adult, we could have remained friends, but she hasn’t the ability to do that. I’m thinking possible bipolar and alcoholism at this point. But I’m not spending any time thinking about it at all. I’m too busy.

I was promoting some of my stuff on Facebook the other day, and I noticed the message chain from her was gone. I thought, “This is it.”

I searched for her on Facebook. She didn’t cut me off or block me, but she had unfriended me. So silly.

So, 3 strikes and it looks like I’m out.

But… like I always say. No matter what happens, good or bad… at least I got a story out of it…

 

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California Dreamin’ – Ashley – 3 Strikes – Part 1

Santa Monica, CA – 1982

When I first got to Los Angeles in 1982, I got a job as a busboy at a local restaurant in Santa Monica called Cafe Casino. It was located in the Wilshire Pallisades building down by the beachfront. Someone had come up with the idea of serving French cuisine in a cafeteria model. People would enter the restaurant, grab a tray and get in line for their meal. They would point to the things they wanted, and there were a couple of girls that would serve them. It was like an expensive high school lunchroom experience. We had a fun crew of people working there and we had a good time.

I had become friends with one of the girls who worked there named Kellie Lawson. She was from Kenosha, Wisconsin. She was one of a million people who had migrated to Los Angeles to become an actor. Most people that you met out there back then all wanted the same thing. Every person in the service industry was waiting for the big break that would never come. Every waitress was either an actress, singer, model, or dancer. Most of the men you met were actors, musicians, or screenwriters. None of them working in the industry, but waiting…

Kelly had got on a greyhound bus to escape the grinding boredom of her hometown in an attempt to make it big in Hollywood. A classic scenario seen a thousand times out there. We had started dating and would frequently fool around at her apartment. We sort of grew out of touch after I left that job to work at Merlin McFly’s down near Venice.

One afternoon, we’re at the restaurant and the guys and I were hanging outside the dining room by the doors. The lunch rush was over and the two glass doors swung open. Who comes rolling in with his squad but Heisman Trophy champion, O.J. Simpson!

I knew him more from the Hertz commercials, but the other guys all cheered when the athlete entered the restaurant. He was a good-looking guy and said hello to us all. When I shook the hand of this man, who could realize that 10 years later he’d be famous for something else.

One of the girls who worked there that I befriended was a charming beauty named Joelle. She was a part-time model and her boyfriend worked at Disney studios.

Here’s her modeling photo card. Beautiful!

A lovely girl. She was not only beautiful but full of sass. She’d laugh at all my jokes and seemed to find me amusing. I liked working with her and having her as a friend back then.

One day, I came to work and she was standing there with another girl. She was 19 years old, cute, and Joelle told me she was her cousin from Philadelphia. I chatted with her and thought she was cool. Since I was originally from Philly we had a small connection.

She was new to California, and I told her we should hang out. She gave me her number and we made plans to do something together.

Eventually, we started dating and things became romantic. I had already been out there for over a year and was pretty jaded. But Ashley was new and was a fun, sweet girl to spend time with. Sometimes we’d just drive around LA in my van and end up down by the beach. We’d make out in the VW minibus and it was a romantic hot time.

We went on several dates. We went to see, ET: The Extraterrestrial, (I cried like a baby) The Dark Crystal, (A bunch of muppets with David Bowie), and Flashdance. (Chick-flick, but the great soundtrack.)

Sometimes we’d just hang out at my apartment, but many times I’d finish work and come visit her at her cousin’s house out in Culver City. It was fun to hang out in her room and watch TV and make out. We were just a couple of teenagers enjoying life and our youth together. We were a couple of kids on the loose in LA. She loved Richard Gere and I loved Farrah Fawcett.

One night I stayed over there late. We stayed up all night as young people do. When I came out to get in my van to go home, I saw that the driver’s side door was standing wide open.

My minibus had been broken into, and the thieves had stolen my entire stereo system. This was heartbreaking to me because I loved my van and listening to my tunes. They even took the boom box that I used to listen to on the beach back in Wildwood, NJ. I felt so violated by that incident, I was reluctant to go back to her neighborhood again. It was a planned professional job. They had hit several cars on the street that night.

The more Ashley and I spent time together the closer we became. She would stay over at my apartment in Mar Vista on the weekends. That eventually turned into our first intimate encounters. I don’t think I realized at the time that I was Ashley’s first.

But after that, it was really fun to be together, and fooling around became part of our relationship. It was a natural progression back then. You can only make out in my van for so long before the bigger things start happening.

One night while we were in my apartment fooling around someone broke into the apartment next door and robbed the place. My neighbor was in Greece at the time with her boyfriend so nobody was home. The thieves ransacked the place and I suppose stole anything valuable.  I later heard from one of my neighbord that they saw some guys listening next to my window to see if anybody was home. But I guess hearing our laughter they moved on to next door and ripped off my neighbor’s place instead of robbing us. Crazy!

My neighbor moved out shortly after that and I moved into her apartment. It was bigger and installed a waterbed I had gotten from a chef I worked with at McFlys who had back problems. That waterbed only cost me $120 and was awesome! It was so cool having a waterbed. I remember one night the thermostat in the unit went off and the whole side of my body was cold when I woke up. I thought I was half dead! I had a lot of wild times on that waterbed.

More tomorrow!

 

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How You Know It Is Time to Let Go of Your Ex

Letting go can be difficult. You know it’s time to let your ex go and allow yourself to live your life without looking back. This realization is the first step to the healing process. It can be difficult to accept that she is not coming back, especially if you are stubborn like myself and refuse to admit that you made a mistake. However, doing difficult things strengthens us to be able to deal with adversity in all aspects of our life. You know in your heart that there is no repairing or starting over, so why not allow yourself to begin living again right now?

Forgive yourself

One of the biggest difficulties I have faced in my own life is that I simply forget many of the things that I say and don’t even remember saying something hurtful in the first place. Maybe you blame yourself for the failed relationship, too. It’s perfectly normal to believe that we were the main issue, just as it’s also perfectly understandable to blame your ex for a breakup. In almost every case, there was fault on both sides. Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes you made instead of spending hours each day replaying things in your mind and wondering what you could have done differently. It really doesn’t matter what went wrong because that part of your life is now over.

You have many more chapters to write in your life, so if you keep reading the last chapter over and over, your book will never continue and you find yourself in…

Should I try to be friends with my ex?

Having children with your ex is probably the only reason to remain friends with them. Maybe down the road, you can try to have a friendship. Since you are wondering if it is time to let of them, then being friends with them will not help you let go at all. You will only have unnecessary contact with them and relive past pain again and again as you will invariably ask for another chance or sleep together. All this does is move you back to the chapter that you just finished. Focus on your other friends or making new ones. Better yet — become your own best friend and do the things that you enjoy doing the most.

Creature comfort with an ex is only a temporary fix

Treat it like a Band-aid

Don’t bother trying to slowly release the grip that your past has on you. Rip that Band-aid off right now and start living for yourself again. It’s better to have a quick sharp pain than living the agony over an extended period of time, right? Each day you spend dwelling on your ex is one more day you have wasted. I have been as guilty of this as anyone. I used to take pride in the fact that my Facebook was full of exes and that I was able to be mature and cordial with them. However, once I realized how much time I spent talking to them, I knew it was time to rip those Band-aids off of my body. It has definitely created a feeling of emptiness in my life (and a very quiet inbox), but now I am free to meet someone new who will give me the time and attention that the exes would not. It’s all about allowing yourself to move on with your life and not looking back.

How do you usually cope with a breakup?

• Move on cold turkey with no calls, texts, or contact whatsoever
• Try to stay friends as best as you can
• Be distant but keep in contact somewhat just in case you decide to try again down the road
• Quickly find someone else to distract yourself from the pain

Don’t Romanticize the Past

One of the biggest pitfalls we have after a breakup is romanticizing the past. We remember all of those wonderful things our ex did for us and how great it felt to spend time with them. Keep in mind that your relationship is now over and everything was not always so great after all. We have all heard the cliche that “Love is Stronger than Hate”. That is possibly true and I am not telling you to hate your ex at all. However, take a moment to write down all of the reasons that your relationship failed. Don’t make excuses for either of you. Be honest and focus only on the negative aspects of being in your relationship. Read those to yourself anytime you feel the need to text your ex or find a tear building up in your eye. Focus on the reasons why it is over instead of how great it used to be.

What If I Never Find Anyone Like Them Again?

I am sure that most of us have asked this question at least once in our lives. When you think about it, the answer should bring a smile to your face and maybe even a chuckle. Your relationship ended, remember? You don’t want someone like them anyway. Demand someone BETTER. A close friend of mine once told me to “Know your own value, then add tax !”. I remember those words every single time that I am feeling sorry for myself and wondering what is wrong with me.

Final Words

The wisest thing I have learned after 30 years of dating is that the best time to let go of your ex is right at this moment. Not tomorrow, not after an apology text, and not after some long goodbye message on Facebook. Let go right now.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

10 Texts To Never Ever Send Your Ex (+5 He May Actually Want To Read)

The first few days after you break up with someone can feel pretty weird. You were used to texting this person all the time (with cute emojis included), telling them your every thought, and of course, hanging out with them regularly. Now, all of a sudden, there’s radio silence and all you can think about is what went wrong.

When you’re looking at your phone and wondering if it’s alright to get in contact with your ex-boyfriend, there are definitely some text messages that are totally cool… and some that he would frown at. In the art of breaking up, there’s a fine line between friendly and awkward.

Here are 10 texts to never send your ex, and five that he may actually want to read.

15. Never Send: ‘Who’s That Girl In Your Profile Pic?’

There’s really nothing worse than seeing a photo of your ex-boyfriend with another girl. You might be tempted to text him and ask who the girl in his social media profile picture is.

The problem? This will make you look kind of bad since you’ll look super jealous. This is a text message to never send your ex.

14. Never Send: ‘Remember When…?’

You might also be staring at your cell phone, wondering if you should text your ex and ask him, “Remember when we ate pizza for a week straight?” or “Remember that crazy vacation where everything went wrong?”

You don’t want to text him this, either, because it would just bug him.

13. Want To Read: ‘Want To Come To My Birthday Party?’

On the other hand, when it comes to text messages that your ex-boyfriend might actually want to read, asking him if he wants to come to your birthday party is one of them.

Maybe you said you would stay friends but haven’t made good on that promise. This would be a nice thing to do and a way of breaking the ice.

12. Never Send: ‘What’s Up?’

You never want to send a text that says “What’s up?” This is especially true if it’s late at night. This sends the message that you want to hang out and that you might still have feelings for him.

Even if that’s true, things might get awkward fast, and you probably would rather avoid that.

11. Never Send: ‘I Bumped Into Your Friend The Other Day’

You also don’t need to text your ex and mention that just the other day, you ran into one of his super good friends.

This is a totally unnecessary text message since he’ll probably hear about it. And he might think that you’re just trying to get in touch with him, not really saying anything.

10. Never Send: ‘I Love Your New Haircut’

If you texted your ex that you love his new haircut, that would creep him out. He would wonder how you knew since you haven’t seen him lately, and then he would realize that he posted a new photo of himself on social media.

You know that you check him out online… but you don’t want to make that super obvious to him.

9. Want To Read: ‘No Hard Feelings, Let’s Be Friendly’

Your ex probably wouldn’t mind if you texted him, “No hard feelings, let’s be friendly.” This is a particularly great text message to send if you two have mutual friends or run into each other on a regular basis.

No one likes an awkward breakup, and this would help with that.

8. Never Send: ‘Are You Dating Again?’

You don’t want your ex-boyfriend to ask you if you’re dating again, so you really don’t want to ask him this question, either. The truth is that you don’t need to know this information. You two broke up.

He’s not going to want to give you a straight answer, anyway, and then you’ll get even more frustrated.

7. Never Send: ‘We Need To Talk’

Rehashing the breakup is never a good idea. Yes, even if you thought of the perfect comeback to something that he said, or you think that you can “win the breakup.”

It’s not the best idea to text him “we need to talk.” He’s probably just going to say that he doesn’t want to.

6. Want To Read: ‘I Heard About This Great Job’

Your ex might want to read a text from you saying that you heard about an awesome job that could be his dream one. Maybe you can help him out and refer him for a position that you heard about.

If you two are on good terms, there’s no reason not to send this text message.

5. Never Send: ‘I’m Still Annoyed With You’

If you ever want to text your ex that you’re annoyed with him, that’s not a great idea. You also don’t want to text something that continues the argument that you had or whatever caused the breakup.

This will just start a fight or make him upset, and that’s not that productive, right?

4. Never Send: ‘Did I Leave Any Stuff At Your Place?’

If you text your ex that you wonder if you left anything at his apartment, he’ll be able to tell that you’re looking for an excuse to get in contact with him.

If he’s a decent person, he’ll definitely let you know if you did leave stuff there, so this is kind of unnecessary.

3. Never Send: ‘How’s Work Going?’

This isn’t the best text message to send, either. He’ll be confused that you’re getting in touch with him and he won’t want to tell you too many details.

After all, you’re not together anymore, so you both need to find other people to talk to regularly and confide in.

2. Want To Read: ‘I Just Wanted To See How You’re Doing’

Did you break up on friendly terms? Maybe it’s been a while and you really are curious about how he’s doing. It’s totally okay to check-in and it’s okay to ask him about his life these days.

He’s going to appreciate it and he’ll want to know how things are going for you too, for sure.

1. Want To Read: ‘I Miss You’

Your ex-boyfriend might actually want to read a text from you that says that you miss him. If you really think that you have a chance of getting back together, why not go for it and take a chance?

You never know… he could be waiting to hear this from you, and maybe he was too shy to text you the same thing.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Here’s How To Digitally Disconnect From Your Ex After A Breakup & Recharge

In the early 2000s, dealing with a breakup meant packing up all of the photos and mementos from your relationship, throwing them in a box, and hiding it all away in your closet. In 2020, however, recovering from heartbreak often looks more like establishing some boundaries from your ex’s social media. Whether you turn your phone off or put your old boo on mute, knowing how to digitally disconnect from your ex after a breakup can help you start to heal ASAP.

“After a breakup, I always recommend my clients start with removing all of the emotional triggers around them,” Pricilla Martinez, CEO of Regroop Life Coaching, tells us. “Nothing is more detrimental to your healing than thinking your ex moved on from you when you’re still in the middle of dealing with all of your pain.”

According to Martinez, looking at your ex’s social media can give you the impression that your ex wasn’t affected by your breakup as much as you were. While everyone handles heartbreak differently, no one wants to feel like they’re competing for the title of “Who Cares The Least.”

If you need to recharge after heartbreak, here are 12 tips to digitally disconnect from your ex.

Shutterstock

1. Limit Your Contact With Them

For Trina Leckie, host of Breakup BOOST podcast, the best way to disconnect after a breakup is to limit all the digital contact you have with your ex, from texting and calling to looking at their social media. “You have to accept that the relationship has come to an end and make your healing the priority,” Leckie tells us. “When you keep someone top of mind, you don’t give yourself a chance to distance yourself to get your emotions in check and get the clarity you need.”

2. Mute Their Account

If you find you keep peeking on your ex’s page or you can’t resist clicking on notifications from them, Martinez suggests putting your ex on mute. “I would say you should mute their account until you are fully ready to unfollow them,” Martinez says. “If you aren’t ready to completely cut them off, mute their account, so it doesn’t pop up on your feed.” Putting their texts on “Do Not Disturb” may also help you, so you don’t get a notification if they do reach out, and can choose to respond on your own time when and if you feel ready to.

3. Consider Unfollowing Them

If you’re still following your ex after a breakup, it can be easy to catch yourself lurking on their page a little bit or overthinking everything they’re up to. As Martinez shares, showing your ex the digital door, (i.e., unfriending or unfollowing them on social media) can help you get some final closure. “If you’re not interested in having a connection with this person, then why follow them?” Martinez says. “If you really want to close that chapter, you don’t need an update on their next partner, their job, or what they had for dinner.”

4. Don’t Be Afraid To Block Them

If your relationship ended badly and you never want to talk to your ex again, or you’re really struggling to get over the heartache, Leckie says it’s OK to fully block your ex from social media and from texting or calling. “The goal is out of sight, out mind,” Leckie says. “That way, you aren’t tempted to check on them, and you won’t constantly be wondering if you are going to hear from them.”

5. Archive Your Pics (Or Fully Delete Them)

Honestly, bless Instagram’s archiving feature. If you’re tired of seeing old couples pics of you and your ex but aren’t quite ready to delete everything, archiving your photos is the IG equivalent of throwing a box under the bed. You don’t have to see it, but it’s not gone forever. Of course, if you’re really feeling done, it’s OK to delete photos, too.

6. Kick Them Off Your Netflix/Amazon Prime/Hulu Account

If you and your boo shared a bunch of online accounts, consider this the time to change all your passwords. You don’t need to see what movies they’re watching or what annoying things they’re buying on Amazon Prime.

Shutterstock

7. Stop Sharing Your Location

Seeing that your ex is getting sushi at that place that you told them about is just going to make you upset. Disconnect from Find My Friends, Snapchat’s Snap Map, or anything else that tells you exactly where they are.

8. Unfollow Or Mute Their Friends

Know what you don’t need to see? Your ex’s best friend’s IG Story of your ex out at the “club.” If you follow a bunch of your ex’s pals, consider unfollowing or muting them for a while. Or forever.

9. Unfriend Them On Venmo

You may think this is extra, but what’s really extra is going on Venmo to pay your roomie for your electricity bill and seeing your ex Venmoing that person you always used to fight about (because they would flirt in front of you) for “drinks” at your favorite bar.

10. Get Them Off All Your Astrology Apps

I don’t care what Co-Star says, they are not your perfect match, and you don’t need to see what intentions they are setting for today.

11. Unfollow Their Spotify

You may have forgotten that you even followed them on Spotify, but you will always remember spitting out your coffee at work when a playlist titled “Screw My Ex” came up in your Spotify friend activity.

12. Don’t Forget Finstas

Your Finsta, their Finsta, their friends’ Finstas… when you start muting or unfollowing, don’t forget about everyone’s second account. You won’t regret it.

Recovering from a breakup can be hard for everyone. Still, getting some digital distance from your ex can help you heal faster. And sometimes, emotionally recharging means letting your phone die for a bit.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Will My Ex Come Back? 14 Positive Signs They Regret Leaving You

You and your ex broke up, but you’re hungry for them to return. We’ve all been there. But how can you know the answer to, will my ex come back or not?

Haven’t we all wondered, will my ex come back? I know I have. Though I broke up with an ex, it took me years to move on. I was constantly in a debate with myself—wondering whether or not I made the right decision. Of course, we would go back and forth, breaking up one day and getting back together the next.

In the moments where I was alone, I constantly worried about whether or not my ex would come back to me. In hindsight, I was in a destructive relationship of game playing, but that’s not necessarily the case with you.

You may have broken up with your partner or taken a break and realized that your relationship is something worth fighting for.

Will my ex come back?

If that’s the case, naturally, you want your ex to come back to you. Perhaps you think too much time has passed or that they’ve moved on. But, listen, if you want to give the relationship another try, it’s never too late.

If you’re wondering, will my ex come back, you don’t want to live with the big “what if” question and regret not giving the relationship another shot.

Now, if your partner is abusive, then you should move on and definitely not try to get back with your ex. But if the breakup was based on something else: not enough alone time, needing to find yourself, etc., then why not give it another try?

Who knows what will happen? And if you end up breaking up again, at least there’s no regret. You can get back together with your ex… if you want.

#1 You feel it. I know you probably think I’m a hippie, but listen, your intuition isn’t lying. If you feel they want to get back together with you, you’re probably right. Your gut can tell you what’s going on; all you need to do is listen. We’re usually able to feel people who are close to you, and this includes your ex.

#2 They stay in contact with you. When we’re over a relationship, we cut all ties. This is the only way we can move on and heal from the breakup. But if your ex is still keeping contact with you, they’re trying to see if they have another chance. There’s no other explanation unless they want to torture you.

#3 Your ex wants to spend time with you. Come on, if this happens, you know what’s going on. Of course, unless they just want to have sex. If that’s the case, they don’t want you back; they want sex – big difference. But if they want to hang out, watch movies, go for walks, or grab dinner, they’re not looking for just a bang. They want you back.

#4 They’re nostalgic. When you bump into them, they talk about the good times they shared with you, almost as if they miss those moments. And that’s because they do; they miss you. The memories they have of you are positive, and now they’re figuring out whether breaking up with you was a good idea in the first place.

#5 They ask about you. You don’t ask about people unless you care about them. If they’re asking your friends about you, they want to know what’s happening in your life. Of course, they’ll try not to be too obvious, but asking about you already blew their cover. 

#6 They ask if you’re seeing anyone. Well, you know they wouldn’t be asking you this if they didn’t care. But they’re asking you because they want to know what’s going on. If you’re single, they’ll make a move. If you’re in a relationship, they’ll probably poke and see how long the relationship has been going on; wagering their odds of getting you back.

#7 The breakup wasn’t concrete. You decided to go on a “break,” but there was nothing concrete about your breakup. In fact, you didn’t even break up, there was just a long pause. If there was no closure, there’s always a chance for things to start up again.

#8 They tell you that they’ve changed. There may have been some issues you couldn’t work out because you both weren’t able to handle them. But, time apart has given you the opportunity to grow as people. Your ex has noticed this positive change, and now you two are more mature to enter the relationship again.

#9 You both didn’t want to break up. Maybe school was too much, or work was taking over your life. And though you didn’t want to break up, you didn’t see any other option. If you both didn’t want it, but did so out of an external force, then the love you share is still there. That’s the love you can’t forget.

#10 They see you’ve changed. When you broke up, it’s possible you weren’t in the best of places. But with some much-needed space apart, they see how much you’ve grown and changed. They see the breakup helped you grow as a person, and now they’re ready to give it another shot.

#11 It feels natural to be together. Whenever you see each other, it just feels right. You can’t explain why, but next to your ex, everything feels secure and comforting. Your ex also feels the same way and doesn’t hesitate to tell you. If you feel “right” being together, your ex will come back.

#12 You’re both single. Well, this is a pretty important factor. Most people won’t try to get back with their ex if they’re in a relationship. But if you are both single, there’s a high chance they’ll try to weasel their way back to you. This is the moment where everything is laid out nice and neat. They don’t need to fight your partner or sneak around and send you DMs.

#13 You were together for a long time. Long term relationships always have a high chance of patching things up and reuniting. You were together for a long time, so it’s natural to want to get back together with someone who knows you like the back of their hand.

#14 They’re getting close with your family again. Ah yes, this is a pretty subtle sign your ex will come back to you. If they’re trying to get close to your family again, it’s not because they love hanging out with your parents. They’re trying to reconnect with the people who are the closest to you in an effort to get you back.

Do you have an answer to, will my ex come back? You now have all the signs you could possibly want. After reading the signs, what do you think? 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Michelle – Chapter 24 – Last Goodbye

I think this is my final entry in the long running Michelle series. 

Because she’s long gone.

I wish only health and happiness to her and her family.

“Do you think I can have one more kiss? I’ll find closure on your lips, and then I’ll go.”

“Maybe one more lunch and one more dinner and drinks?”

“I’ll be full and happy, and then we can part.”

“But in between meals, maybe we can lie in bed one more time.”

“One more prolonged moment where time suspends indefinitely as you rest your pretty head against me.”

You always said, “At the end of the day, I wish I could start all over and have it again with you.”

My hope is if we had “one mores,” they’d equal a lifetime, and I’ll never have to get to the part where I let you go.

But that’s not real, is it?

There are no more, “One mores.”

I met you when everything was new and exciting here in Philly, and the possibilities of the world seemed endless.

And they still are.

For you and for me.

But not us.

Somewhere between then and now, here and there, I guess we didn’t grow apart, you grew up.

I look at your beautiful face. I’m trying to memorize every lovely detail. Because I know I’ll never see you again.

When something breaks, if the pieces are large enough, you can fix it.

Unfortunately, sometimes things don’t break, they shatter.

But when you let the light in, shattered glass will glitter.

And in those moments, when all the pieces of what we were catch the sun… I’ll remember just how wonderful it was.

And just how beautiful it will always be.

Because it was us.

And we were magic.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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Men and Women Share the Biggest Red Flags in a New Relationship

Dating is hard. Maintaining your various dating profiles on The Apps is practically a full-time job in itself, and even once you meet somebody, hit it off, and make it past the first date, there’s no guarantee that it will be plain sailing. In a thread on Reddit, men and women have been sharing the warning signs that something isn’t right in a new romance, from minor quibbles to major red flags.

1. Jealousy

It can feel flattering, at first, that your new partner wants to keep you all to themselves — but jealousy often leads to controlling behavior. If your boyfriend or girlfriend acts annoyed every time your attention isn’t on them, if they insist on knowing where you are, who you’re spending time with, even who you’re texting, then you’re in an unhealthy relationship.

Another commenter cites: “When they start complaining about other people in your life and trying to get you to see how ‘bad’ these people are for you.” If the person you’re seeing starts making disparaging or “concerned” remarks about your friends and family, and suggests you’d be better off spending time with just them, well, that’s textbook abuser behavior. Abusive partners will often separate their partner from their support network in order to make them dependent on them. Here’s how to spot the signs that you’re being manipulated by your partner.

2. Flakiness

It’s disappointing if the person you’re seeing texts you to cancel a date, and extra disheartening if they do it more than once. As one commenter puts it: “To an extent life can and will get in the way, but there’s a certain level of enthusiasm you want to see from a potential partner and if they can’t muster it during the honeymoon stage of dating, it’s probably not going to improve later.”

Here’s the thing: we’re all busy. But if somebody really wants to see you, they’ll likely be able to carve out enough time in their busy schedule for a quick coffee date in between their other commitments. Remember, you’re worth other people’s time.

3. The way they interact with other people

Watch out for how your date talks about other people. Do they make harsh judgements about people they hardly know? Are they rude to waiters? Even if they’re being perfectly courteous to you in that moment, this behavior is an indicator of how they treat other people in general, and shows you that it’s possible they’ll act this way towards you at some point.

See also: people who only ever seem to talk about themselves on dates and don’t ask you any questions. “Take note of how many times they’ll say or start a sentence with my/I/me/personally,” advises one commenter, as a time-saver.

4. The way they talk about previous partners

Look, when you’re on a first or second date, the best thing to do is simply not bring up your past relationships. If the conversation ends up going there, be brief. And if somebody talks about their ex in detail, you should listen carefully: it’s entirely possible that they are not over that person, and you might find yourself cast in the role of rebound fling.

Equally concerning is if the person you’re seeing says that their ex is “crazy”: this often translates to “they behaved in a way I found inconvenient,” or even “I cheated and they responded emotionally.” And if they insist that all their exes are assholes? Well, you know what the common denominator there is. “If ALL their exes are jerks, it most likely means that they are the jerk,” says one commenter. “The two crazies I dated both spoke this way about ALL their former relationships.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is now for sale on Amazon!

 

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Michelle – Chapter – 23 – One More After This, And Then I’m Done

I don’t really go on social media anymore.

I don’t care about your lunches, or dinners or events or your social events

It means nothing to me. I used to post everything I was doing on my social media when I was working in advertising.

But no more. I live a private life and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Social media’s a sad symptom of our society that gives every moron on Earth a voice.

I’m tired of you all. I see you all for who you really are and the pool is so shallow I see nothing in any of you anymore.

But for a moment I saw something that caught my eye.

My former girlfriend Michelle was pregnant with a little girl due in June. (It already happened)

She’s finally reached all of her goals of having her health, a happy marriage with her husband and now a child is on the way.

Well done.

It’s good we’re no longer in touch.

My work is done and you have no longer any use for me.

Perfect.

I’ve lifted you to the place I have hoped for you.

I think we both agree that what you have now is what we both hoped for you all along.

Well done, Michelle.

We had a great time, but you’re needed where you are now. You made it, and now you have all of the things you want.

I am honored we had the time we had together. It was the best time of my life, but now you’ve found true happiness and all of the things you wanted.

God Bless you both and I wish you all only health, happiness and the wellness of your child.

Michelle, you finally got the perfect life you always wanted. You have the perfect marriage with the man you’re supposed to be with, finally! I’m so happy for you. You live in the place you’ve always wanted to be in and have the job you always dreamed of.

Perfect.

I hope your baby girl is born happy and healthy!

God bless you all!

You did the right thing.

 

I’ll be at the bar…

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Phicklephilly 2 is coming soon on Amazon!

 

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Michelle – Chapter 22 – Gone For Good

“In a very short time. This moment. Right here. Right now. Will be a long time ago.”

 

Since our break up, Michelle and I had always kept in touch. We were better friends than lovers.

We stayed friends long beyond our breakup. There was a time when Michelle was my best friend.

Michelle moved on. Relocated to California to marry her high school sweetheart, Dave.

I’ve been thinking about her lately. Simply because she stopped texting me a few months ago after nearly 4 years of continued contact.

An acquaintance who is a psychologist told me the only reason she kept in touch with me was because of my value, and if her marriage failed she’d have something to come back to.

I get that. It makes sense.

I’d never do that because I would never need to. But that tells me that her footing wasn’t quite secured when she embraced her current endeavor.

But it’s been 4 years and by the time you read this, it’ll be 6.

When I met Michelle, my daughter Lorelei was 12 years old. She’s now going to be 22 and when you read this, she’ll be a 23-year-old woman.  Just 4 years short of how old Michelle was when I met her.

If you’d like, go back and read the Michelle series. It’s the first relationship series I had ever written when I began Phicklephilly so long ago.

I wish I had started writing it while we were still together. The tales of our time together would have been so much more vivid and wild.

And Michelle may have had a voice in that journey instead of only me telling the history of our relationship. The Michelle series was my best effort at the time to at least create a “Greatest Hits” album of what it was like for us during that time. A couple of lost souls who came together at the Philadelphia Inquirer (Philly.com)

Two people who fell in love.

If you read the Michelle saga, it’s a fun-filled and heartbreaking journey that I’ll never forget. I’ll always love her and she’s always welcome at our table at Christmas.

Michelle got married and kept her friendship with me a secret from her husband for many years.

Until recently.

I’ve been ghosted.

I’m fine with that because I’m old and wise enough to understand. I want nothing from Michelle. My work with her is done and has been for many years.

My work was complete before she left me.

I wasn’t even sad the weekend she left me. My friend Duncan came to visit and I didn’t even have a bed for him to sleep in because she had just taken it.

Nothing mattered because I knew we were still friends and that had always been the best part of our relationship.

“When my time with you is over at the end of the day, I wish I could start all over and do it again.”

She used to say that all of the time. I never felt the same way. I was happy to wrap myself up in the memory of the day and press it into a memory book in my mind.

I was too tired after our adventures to want to do it again. The elegant memory was burned into my mind forever.

In the last year she had been in touch. If I were her husband, and as insecure as he is I would never want my wife texting and giggling with her ex-boyfriend. The very man who clipped her from him when he was trying to get back together with her when we first met.

All nonsense.

I’m very busy in my life here in Philadelphia. A dear friend of mine said something the other day; “People like busy people.”

They do. Busy people are exciting and industrious. We are inaccessible for a reason.

We don’t retreat from you all. We’re just busy building things.

All of my hookups are gone. (Free drinks!) As they should be. These boys and girls have grown up and moved on to better jobs. They’re beverage managers, husbands and wives now, and are no longer behind the stick to give me oceans of chardonnay for $5 and a $25 tip for me and my girls. I’ve also cleaned the cache of the last bit of toxic detritus from my life for good.

I’ve reached a point in my life that is finite.

I’m running out of time.

No longer leashed to corporate might. I work where I want and put in a honest day’s labor and love it. I deliver product that makes my clients happy immediately. It’s a simple model and the people are nice. I dig my co-workers and we have a good time.

The cash is rolling in and my broker is happy.

Things are good.

My life has never been so simple and so happy. It just seems too easy. I guess when you struggle so long you can’t believe that if you finally do what you want to do and build your on life… it kind of works.

Wow.

I used to be happy when my daughter wasn’t here knowing I could have adult fun, but now I love when she’s here because that’s my only bloodline and I love her.

Lorelei has turned out so great and is always improving. I’m so proud of her and am blessed that she lives here with me and wants to be here.

But as usual…I digress.

Where is Michelle?

Has she finally vanished forever?

I think so.

This could be it.

I’m fine with it.

My work is done.

I think we both know that.

Michelle had some health problems and apparently in the last few years she’s cured them all.

I couldn’t be happier for her.

To live with a disability your entire life is horrible. But after all of this time, Michelle has finally been able to get ahead of all of that and feels better than ever.

That would have never happened had she stayed with me.

I would have helped and treated her, but the lifestyle would have destroyed her.

As fun as it was, the lifestyle was destroying her when we were together.

Our relationship as fun as it was had a finite end that was predetermined before we ever met at the Inquirer.

I knew that, but unfortunately Michelle didn’t.

That’s why I didn’t have the horrible dopamine withdrawal when she left.

It was over and we remained friends. That was the best part of our relationship.

We always had so much fun.

But I haven’t heard from her in a long time, so I think Michelle is finally gone.

Which seems odd now, because she’s always been here.

I spoke with one of my female friends in regard to this subject.

“Dude. You’re her ex and she’s still texting you?” Think of her husband. Don’t be a dick. Cut her loose!”

I don’t want to be the secret in Michelle’s life anymore. That’s not fair to Dave. It’s not cool for her ex-boyfriend to still chat with his lovely wife.

No one wants that.

It’s wrong.

So I think it’s finally over. Michelle has moved to Cali, married, they have their careers, the life and their dreams.

Off your both go.

 

I wish you well, Michelle.

 

 

P.S. I’m a little bit if a bitter bitch in that post, but it was written two years ago, and that’s long gone now. But it is what it is, and it’s been scheduled, so here it is. I try to keep it real here at Phicklephilly.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

My new book, Angel with a Broken Wing is now for sale on Amazon!

 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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