Tales of Rock – Bon Scott

Ronald Belford “Bon” Scott (9 July 1946 – 19 February 1980) was a Scottish-Australian singer and songwriter, best known for being the primary lead vocalist and lyricist of the Australian hard rock band AC/DC from 1974 until his death in 1980.[1]

Scott was born in Forfar, Scotland, and raised in Kirriemuir, before moving to Melbourne with his family in 1952 at the age of six. They lived in the suburb of Sunshine for four years before moving to Fremantle.[1] Scott formed his first band, The Spektors, in 1964 and became the band’s drummer and occasional lead vocalist. He performed in several other bands including The Valentines and Fraternity before replacing Dave Evans as the lead singer of AC/DC in 1974.[1]

AC/DC’s popularity grew throughout the 1970s, initially in Australia, and then internationally. Their 1979 album Highway to Hell reached the top twenty in the United States, and the band seemed on the verge of a commercial breakthrough. However, on 19 February 1980, Scott died after a night out in London. AC/DC briefly considered disbanding, but the group recruited vocalist Brian Johnson of the British glam rock band Geordie. AC/DC’s subsequent album, Back in Black, was released only five months later, and was a tribute to Scott. It went on to become the second best-selling album in history.[1]

In the July 2004 issue of Classic Rock, Scott was rated as number one in a list of the “100 Greatest Frontmen Of All Time” ahead of Freddie Mercury and Robert PlantHit Parader ranked Scott as fifth on their 2006 list of the 100 Greatest Heavy Metal Vocalists of all time.[3]

 

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Tales of Rock – Zakk Wylde Accidentally Survived A Fatal Disease By Drinking All Of The Time

“Because you are shitfaced, all of the time.”

As a guitarist for Ozzy Osbourne, Zakk Wylde isn’t a stranger to the world of wild partying, it’s fair to say. His last name is literally the word “wild” as spelled by a drunk person. We wouldn’t be surprised to hear that this is the only reason he got into rock music.

However, after a monthlong bout of extreme illness finally forced him to see a doctor, Wylde discovered that he was suffering from a rare blood condition that caused his body to overproduce blood clots, which are things that can suddenly kill you at any moment without warning. Furthermore, he’d been suffering from the condition for several years. Wylde sagely asked how the hell he had managed to stay alive for so long with such a deadly affliction, to which the doctor responded, “Because you are shitfaced, all of the time.”

You see, the treatment for Wylde’s condition involves a course of strong blood thinners, which slow down the rate at which blood clots develop. You know what else thins the blood? Alcohol. Zakk Wylde’s years of being heroically wasted saved his life, although nowadays he’s banned from booze and restricted to taking standard medicine, which we feel is a little unfair to the booze.

 

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Tales of Rock – Van Halen Had Sex Tents

Hagar exerted himself so much during his nightly trips that he temporarily lost the ability to climax.

Before they became a quartet of endless punchlines, Van Halen used to be one of the coolest bands in the world, and they demonstrated their status by having sex with every female who wandered within one mile of their powerful aura. Their career is a filthy memorial to how being in a band is a more powerful aphrodisiac than things like “not looking completely ridiculous,” a criteria David Lee Roth specifically targeted for destruction.

Roth infamously claims that he had his penis (nicknamed “Little Elvis”) insured and would hold a nightly contest wherein he would reward his roadies with a cash prize if they were able to convince girls he had spotted in the crowd during the show to come backstage for a personal discussion with Little Elvis. It is unclear whether his insurance policy required each girl to sign a waiver beforehand.

Roth’s eventual replacement, Sammy Hagar, was a little more “Roman Emperor” in his groupie interactions. One tour saw the band build a tent directly beneath the stage specifically for Sammy Hagar’s erection. During the mid-show 20-minute guitar solos Eddie Van Halen would launch into each night, Hagar would disappear to the tent and discover a group of naked fans waiting to swallow his penis, which we assume was as pinched as his face.

But owning your own sex tent apparently has powerful side effects. Hagar exerted himself so much during his nightly trips that he temporarily lost the ability to climax. That’s right — Sammy Hagar had so much sex that he ran out of sperm. And with that mental picture, I end the post.

 

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Tales of Rock – Duff McKagan Drank So Much His Pancreas Exploded

I love rock and have been in several bands in my young life and I will write about them all in 2018 and beyond. These posts aren’t promoted as part of phicklephilly but I love writing about bands and the music biz in general. If I could add a Thursday post about wine, beer, and liquor i would have the perfect magazine for me. Wine, women, and Song! But these are the first ones and it’s mostly wild stories I remember, but as I write more of these they will go deeper about bands I’ve met and played with but I have to start somewhere, but I assure you it will grow, and I’ll add my experiences when I’m ready. But thank you for reading and continuing to follow me!

Oh, and one more thing… unlike phicklephilly these don’t pop up every morning at 8am. I think it’s more fun if I have these pop up a minute after midnight every Friday to close out your work week with a little secret prize at the bottom of the box.

It seems like a ridiculous understatement to say that Guns N’ Roses were party animals. A band doesn’t get the nickname “the most dangerous band in the world” by enjoying an occasional wine cooler. As if his body were deliberately trying to solidify the band’s reputation, Duff McKagan drank so much booze that his pancreas fucking exploded.

In a habit formed from spending so much time trapped in a confined space with Axl Rose (that’s not a joke — that’s actually the reason), McKagan used to spend his days in GNR trapped in a perpetual whirlwind of cocaine and a daily half-gallon of vodka. That is, before he made the more health-conscious decision to cut back to 10 bottles of red wine per day.

One day, however, his boozing was interrupted by his pancreas swelling “to the size of a rugby ball” and rupturing, leaking acidic pancreas juices that caused third-degree burns inside his goddamned body.

Duff survived the incident, which inspired him to stop treating his liver like he was using it to manufacture chemical weapons. His prodigious fluid intake might be gone, but tributes to its legacy are tucked away in (nearly) every episode of The Simpsons.

Duff is one durable motherfucker that new it was time to clean up. He is currently healthy and on tour with Axl and Slash!

 

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