California Dreamin’ -1982 to 1984 – Dariella – Into Darkness

Let me preface this by saying that I’m no prince charming, but even I have limits. I met Dariella one night after a show at Madam Wong’s West in Santa Monica, and she seemed interesting and metal. Naturally I wanted to see her again.

The First Date:

I found out she doesn’t drive, which isn’t a problem. I also found out that she lived down in Long Beach, not great, but I wanted to spend time with her so I took the drive to pick her up. When I arrived I also found out she lived with her parents, and was unemployed, again, see seemed great so I decided it wasn’t a big deal. We went to one of the local haunts to get some food and get to know one another better. That’s when I found out she was a part time Dom in a local dungeon. Okay to each their own, people have different tastes. Everything else during the date went smoothly. She was hot and exotic. The night ended and I drove her home.

The Second Date:

She wanted to go to this great bar that she knew about. I was all for it, something new. It turned out to be a really seedy dive bar. It was like something out of a movie. Everybody knew her, and she even had some family there. She proceeded to get wasted while I took in the sights and got to know the people. There was an old Hell’s Angel that told me about his youth, and how he was the king of the skating rink back in the day. I got to see a midget line dance to Copper Head Road. My date ran into a friend she’d met in county lockup. (Nice) All in all, it wasn’t too bad. I really enjoyed the place more than spending time with her though. She ran up a HUGE bar tab while we were there and expected me to pay which wasn’t really cool.

The Third Date:

Back to the bar! This time I brought the guys from the band and a few of my friends along. Everyone loved the place. Crazy group of people that looked like, rockers, punks, goths, hookers, bikers, and hippies. It was nuts. But things took an odd turn on the way to the van to drop off my date and her cousin. Her cousin stops and makes a comment about having just about the right amount of people for an orgy. My date replied that it wouldn’t be the first time. What did her cousin think she did at all those parties she went to? The level of crazy just went way up. Her cousin was smokin’ hot too, so we went back in the bar and put it to the group. Everybody was down, so off we went back to somebody’s house.

Sadly, phicklephilly is a dating blog, not a sex blog so I can’t go into all of the details of the orgy back at her cousin’s house. But it was insane and my first one!

Here’s and excerpt of a conversation I later had with my buddy, bassist, Frank.

Me: “That shit was crazy, right?”

Frank: “Fuck sake, mate. Remember the one I was with?”

Me: “Dariella’s hot cousin or that chick with that Bow Wow Wow Mohawk?”

Frank: “Mohawk.”

Me: “Okay.”

Frank: “After I gave it to her she said she’d been smoking meth with her boyfriend earlier that day.”

Me: “That’s fucked up.”

Frank: “And she said how she hoped she wasn’t pregnant!”

Me: “By you or her boyfriend?”

Frank: Fuck sake, I wore a sweater with her, thank fuck!” (condom) But that’s not the worst part.”

Me: “What?”

Frank: “She stole like $80 out of my wallet!”

Me: “I told you that chick was a hooker!”

 

Sadly, that was the last time I went out with Dariella. I think the band was all to weirded out by what had happened.

I miss that bar though.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Celia – Entitled

“I was going to have a second date with this girl Celia. She knew of three parties happening on the same night, so she suggested that we hit all three. Sounded good to me, so off we go.

At party one, her best friend from college is there that she hasn’t seen in four years. They immediately run off together, and I’m left with the friend’s boyfriend having a drink. I think to myself, this is no big deal. She hasn’t seen her friend in a long time, and the night has a lot more to go. She comes back after a while and suggests we head on to the other party. Great!

Arrive at second party. My date immediately runs off with some other friends. Like, “Tim, oh my god, how are you doing,” and dashes across the party to find him. I slowly follow behind, but then they keep scurrying on to talk to other people without the girl making it clear that she wanted me to come. I feel really awkward because she doesn’t introduce me or say anything about me. I’m just an awkward guy there that no one knows. I get tired of that and go to the bathroom, where I find that the door has been ripped off its hinges. I find a screwdriver and fix the door before using the bathroom. Fast forward 30 minutes, my date finds me and suggests we go to the final party. But this time, her friend Tim is going to join us. Okay…

Arrive at third party. As soon as we walk in the door, Tim says he needs cigarettes, and the girl and Tim run out for cigarettes and leave me at this new party with all these other people I don’t know. They are gone for 45 minutes, by which time I decide that this date isn’t working out and I should just go home. When my date comes back with cigarettes, I tell her I’m leaving and she FLIPS OUT. She starts screaming at me in front of everyone about how she was going to have sex with me later and how I ruined everything. Then she proceeds to scream, “you’re not leaving me; I’m leaving you,” after which she bolts out and slams the door.

Then everyone at this other party, whom I don’t know, is staring at me while my date, who brought me there, has abandoned me.

Someone eventually comes and offers me a drink. I stay for another hour and laugh it off with the people at the party. I ended up having a pretty good time!

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Saffron – Down with the Sickness

Met Saffron at a the restaurant where I worked. She seemed relatively normal from our conversations, and she was very cute.

I try to set up plans to go see a movie, and she can’t/won’t make up her mind about what to see/when to go. Then she calls me and sounds a little funny. As if her voice was hoarse. She says “I normally don’t sound like this I yelled a lot at work today.” Something was up.

We finally agree on plans. I go pick her up to go see The Dark Crystal. She gets in the car and we start talking and it’s clear to me that she didn’t give me the whole story. Her voice did indeed sound somewhat odd. In addition, I began to notice certain ticks/movements as well. After the 10 minute drive to the theater I began to wonder what she hadn’t told me.

We walk into the theater and I realize a few more things. She had somewhat awkward gait, and had trouble with keeping normal distance from me. She either got super close or super far away as we walked and talked.

At this point I begin to wonder if perhaps she has Aspergers or another health issue, but keep it to myself.

Despite all of this I was still having a good time; we got along well and went to see the movie.

Here’s where the trouble begins:

About an hour into the movie she goes to the bathroom. I check my watch and realize that she’s been gone for over 10 minutes. No big deal, maybe she got food or didn’t feel well.

She comes back 15 minutes later and said she bought water and felt a little sick. Hint #4. I asked her multiple times if she was ok/wanted to leave. She said, “I’m fine, my cousin was sick maybe I caught a bug from her.”

Cut to about 45 minutes left in the movie; she starts to make faces as if she doesn’t feel good. I ask again multiple times if she is ok; she insists she is.

I suggest that she goes to bathroom in case she has to throw up. She says no.

A minute later SHE THROWS UP ALL OVER THE PLACE. COVERS THE ENTIRE FLOOR IN FRONT OF HER AND THREE SEATS TO THE LEFT ALL THE WAY TO AISLE. IT WAS LIKE A MOVIE SCENE, I COULDN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH ONE PERSON COULD THROW UP.

I’m shaken obviously so I climb up a row and go to get help from the theater workers. On the way out of the theater I have to stop short as I round the corner…

WHY?

BECAUSE THERE WERE TWO GIANT PUDDLES OF VOMIT IN THE HALLWAY!! HER “BATHROOM” TRIP WAS ACTUALLY AN “I’M GONNA THROW UP ON THE FLOOR, LEAVE IT, AND RETURN TO MY DATE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.”

So yea, that was a bad date I guess. Plus I never saw the end of the movie. I took the poor girl home. I felt so bad for her. I’ve had stomach disorders my whole life so I could identify with her. I think she was so mortified and embarrassed by the incident we never went out again because I don’t think she could face me. Poor girl. She was so cute!

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Truth of Dare

I was over at Vicki Yamamato’s parents’ house on my 21st birthday in her room watching TV and she says to me “Babe you wanna play truth or dare?” I said: “What are you 14?” She replied “No! I think you’re just chicken.” Now I couldn’t just let her win so I said: “Sure, come on let’s play.”

It started off with just a few simple questions because we both did truths like do you love me and little things like that. I started getting bored with it and said dare. I should have never said it. She sat and thought about it and with an evil little grin she said: “okay my parents are not home so I got a great dare for you.”

So my mind went straight to the gutter, I mean what guys mind wouldn’t right? I said: “What’s this big bad dare you got in your pretty little mind?” She looked me dead in my eye and said: “You gotta run around the entire house naked!”

I thought okay that’s easy, I mean her parents had a huge house, but it wouldn’t take long to run around inside. And the worst that could happen is that her parents show up and then I gotta explain we were just playing truth or dare.

So I said: “Alright the basement too?” She smiled again and said: “no.” Then she laughed and I asked what was funny? She said: “The entire outside of the house!” I told myself don’t be a sissy just do it. So I said: “Okay I’ll do it.”

I got naked went outside and darted around the entire house as quick as I could, but as I opened the front door to get in there stood half of Vicki’s family standing in the living room. I ran upstairs and got dressed as quick as I could. She had really got me, when I came down she was holding a cake smiling and the cake read “Happy 21st, DON’T END UP IN YOUR B-DAY SUIT”

I had never been that embarrassed or pranked that bad in my whole life.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Shira – Persian Beauty

“…Her brown body, drenched in sweat as she rode me like a stolen horse.”

Oh… this one takes me back. I love this story!

(This post is not safe for work! NSFW! You’ve been warned!)

I was living in Santa Monica, playing in a band back in ’82 just living the rock n’ roll dream. I was working at that time as a busboy at a place called Cafe Casino in Wilshire Palisades in Santa Monica. Shira came in a few times to dine with her friends. Because of all of the shit at that time in Iran with the Shah, we had a lot of Persian people immigrating to America. Mostly California. If you look back in history, you’ll see that’s how the Kardashians got here.

I was a guitarist in a struggling band and a lowly busboy by day and flirted with Shira when she came in. I guess she liked my long blonde hair and fresh face and took a shine to me. She lived up in Brentwood which isn’t too far from me, but far enough way to be exclusive. We chatted a bit and exchanged numbers. I liked that she was dark, foreign and different from the usual girls I dated.

She and her girlfriends came out to see our band but nothing ever came out of it. She was lovely but I think I was just distracted from all the fleas and ticks of rock and roll at the time in early eighties Los Angeles.

One night we actually talked for six hours on the phone (9pm-3am) and she invited me to her house the next day for dinner to see if we liked each other in person. I agreed to go over. I was so naive back then.

So I go there and as soon as I walk in the door, she sniffs me and says “Last night on the phone, I just wanted to inhale you through the line”

And I was like “Yeah, we got on pretty well.”

“Is this your own place?

It is, Chaz

(Yes!)

She looks smoking hot and middle eastern sultry and I’m down for whatever. I just think she’s really pretty. I don’t know any better. She’s wearing a light blue blouse and really small white shorts and high heel sandals. Her long caramel legs are making me crazy. I’m 19 years old and this is all new ground for the boy I once was. She’s absolutely lovely and exotic. I don’t know any girls like her back home.

So we sit on the sofa, have a drink and are talking a while. She hops up from her end of the sofa and says “I want to smell you again”.

OK. So she straddles me and puts her nose deep into my neck and starts breathing in really deep. So I kissed her neck and she goes,”ahhhhhhhhh”. So I kept kissing her neck and shoulders, she starts doing the same to me. Next thing we’re French kissing,

Awesome, I’m a teenager, I love deep tongues. I was really enjoying it. Next she lays down on the sofa, I get on top of her and start kissing her again. One thing leads to another and we go to the bedroom and take turns giving each other oral. It was great. She had a raging orgasm and then teased me for what seemed like an hour until I had a huge orgasm too.

We end up having mind bending sex. She’s almost brutally sexual. Her brown body, drenched in sweat as she rides me like a stolen horse.

I have never met anyone like Shira, and girls back home don’t possess the kind of sexual prowess when it comes to staving off an orgasm and then coming like a freight train blasting through a forgotten station.

We made dinner together, pasta with pesto and truffle oil, with some really good parmesan, shared a bottle of wine and chatted on. Eventually we go to the bedroom again and had some crazy good sex and more oral in between. Great, intense, passionate sex.

Then we’re lying there, kissing and talking and she says:

“What am I going to do? I just took a six month lease on this place”.

Well, it’d be a good idea to pay your rent.”

“Well, that would be wasteful seeing as I’ll be living with you now”.

“Well, no, I think we should see each other as much as we can, and maybe have the odd sleepover and see how things work out”.

“But things did work out, I let you into my vagina, you’re mine now.”

I thought she was kidding.

“Well, if it’s important to you, you can call me your boyfriend, but you don’t own me.”

She started screaming, insulting me in Arabic, raving… (Which is kind of hot because it’s way before 9/11)

“Whoa, whoa, we just had sex, we’re not married. Sure we got into sex quickly, but hell, we met at a restaurant. I’m a musician. What did you think was gonna happen?”

“You said you take sex seriously, so do I. I only have sex with someone I’m in a relationship with, so this means we’re in a relationship and you said you wanted someone to live with and be happy with. I will cook your meals, clean your house, take care of our children. I want a child of my own soon.”

Holy crap… I agreed that we should keep talking, but I had to go home… I dressed and said good-bye. To her it was like seeing off a lover who was travelling overseas for a few years, massive hugs and kisses.

“Call me tomorrow???”

“Okay…. Okay…”

It was a moonless night, midnight, pitch black and pissing down with rain and I had to drive for 90 minutes on narrow, winding  roads in the Hollywood hills in my old ’69 VW  van. Because no one can drive in the rain in L.A. By the time I got home, white knuckled from gripping the wheel it was late, nearly 2am.

I woke up around 9am, my phone was ringing non stop and I answer it.

“I don’t appreciate this lack of communication. You are going to have to improve. You can’t treat me like shit after I’ve had you in my home, fed you, given you my vagina”

“I just woke up. Why did you call me so many times?

“ARE YOU CALLING ME CRAZY? I AM NOT CRAZY JUST BECAUSE I EXPECT SOME COMMUNICATION FROM MY MAN!!!!”.

At this stage, we’d known each other’s first names for like 36 hours.

We phoned on and off for like a week, me trying to increase the number of fights so she’d give up on me. About three days in, we’re arguing on the phone and I hear her moaning and stuff. She was fighting with me while masturbating.

Had to write her off.

Back then it was so much easier to cut off the crazy. I’m just glad her family didn’t hunt me down and cut my hands off… or worse!

But I will leave you with this lasting memory that has haunted me all of my days in a good way.

When Shira and I would have mad sex, she would get really sweaty. I like that. I like everything that happens to the woman I’m with during sex no matter what. But her sweat smelled like lawnmower exhaust. It had that hot, sexy, oily, burning with gas mixture kind of smell. I think it may have been from her diet, but I don’t care. It was real and I liked it.

For weeks after that whenever my neighbors mowed their lawn, I’d get a massive erection.

I wish that last part of this story wasn’t true. But it is!

Fuck you Pavlov.

 

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California Dreamin’ 1982 to 1984 – I Don’t Think I Can

Got asked out by an Asian girl I knew, but didn’t really know all that well. I just saw her from the clubs we hung out in. (Maybe it was The Roxy)

We went to see some band she liked at the Rainbow. Which I thought was cool because she knew my band and knew I’d like it. Once there she immediately was all over me (hugging, kissing, sitting on my lap etc.) Things were going great (or so I thought) It was at that point when things started getting weird.

Several band members where giving us strange looks from the stage, while playing their music. Bass player was mouthing things in our direction, but I couldn’t make out what he wanted. People were rude to me for no reason while getting drinks. Long story short: my date knew just about all the people there and wanted to get back publicly at her (very large) boyfriend (drummer, named Spider) for cheating on her.

I’m like WTF? I’m just a revenge date. I was pissed. I don’t want to start some shit with some other band on the strip over a groupie! I tell her I’m taking her home.
So we get to her apartment in West Hollywood and she asks me if I want to come up for a beer. I’m not going to turn down a free drink and I feel like she owes me for putting me in a weird spot.

Again, I wasn’t that into her and I figured I’d just drink the beer and split. Plus, the fact that she’s some dude’s girlfriend in another band just didn’t sit right with me.

Weird thing was when we get back to her apartment we start making out. We make it as far as the sofa. When I looked around the room it appeared she was really into anime. She started acting exactly like a girl in an actual anime. Started giggling and covered her mouth when I started getting undressed.

Gasped and hid her face when I took my underwear off. Se made these really high squeaking noises while I was having sex with her. She actually laughed and giggled through the whole experience. It was bizarre.

That being said, she was an absolute pro at giving head. After she had seen me naked she said she didn’t know dicks got that big. Which was the first and last time I ever heard that.

So we finish getting it on and I’m getting dressed. This has been weird but at least I got laid, but I kind of wanted to get out of there. She gets off the couch and puts her skirt on and walks to the bedroom.  She’s chattering like a schoolgirl about something, and I follow her into the bedroom, just trying to be nice.

It’s my first time over there, and there’s this giant bear on the bed. Like, ‘got the softball in the milk jug on the boardwalk first try tier bear’. It occupies 50% of the surface area of this girl’s bed.
“Whoa, how’d you score that bear?”

“I don’t know…”
“What?”
“I don’t know.”
A few minutes go by.
“You don’t know?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok, look. It’s ok if it’s from an ex or your drummer boyfriend. I don’t care if you stole it. I’ll believe almost anything you tell me at this point. But there is no way in hell you’re going to tell me you don’t know where that giant bear is from. I had a stuffed dinosaur 1/4 that size that I got when I was 6 and I could tell you every detail about how I got it.”

“Well good for you. But I don’t know how I got it. Are you going to be able to let this go?”
Me: (Looks at her, looks at bear, bear stares back, eyes full of secrets)

“I don’t think I can.” (walk out)

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – My Altamont Moment

We were playing this gig at the Roxy one night. May have been ’83 by then. Girls were never a problem. Anybody who doesn’t believe guitars are chick magnets has obviously never strapped on a guitar before. Anyway, we played all over the state, working pretty steady, staying in all manner of “band housing”. We were at a better-than-average club and doing our normal thing.

This particular night the bar was having a drawing for something, I can’t remember what. We were going to have a longer break than usual after one of our sets so they could use our PA to do the drawing. I went to the bar and was getting a coke. A rather attractive girl asked me if we did a certain song she liked, to which I nodded and replied “next set, I think”. Our drummer was standing there waiting on me, as he wanted to get in a game of pool while we waited for the drawing to get over. We went to the tables and he racked up the game. I was lining up my first shot when I heard “hey, asshole”. I, of course, looked up to see who was calling who an asshole. What I saw was what turned out to be the butt end of a pool cue coming at my face at rather high velocity. It caught me on the bridge of my nose. I’m done. I’m collapsed on the pool table, screaming, blood pouring from my face. The drummer tackled the guy swinging the cue as he was lining up for another whack at me. Then the singer (not a small guy) jumped in. They, with a bouncer, dragged the guy out thru the kitchen and behind the bar where they damn near killed him. Turns out the attractive girl who asked me about the song had an extremely jealous ex-boyfriend who was in the bar and saw her talking to me.

A couple days later, after the swelling went down and my eyes were able to open, she took me to dinner. She was really embarrassed over the whole thing. Just dinner, too. She had another boyfriend already, a cop. Who just happened to be the responding officer that night who ended up arresting ex-boyfriend for assault. Guess there were a few too many witnesses for him to claim self defense.

Rock n’ Roll!

 

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