Another Life – Chapter 19

Barbara and I got together the following weekend. We had a couple of drinks, and just like at the party, the conversation flowed freely. I lost track of time of time (much easier to do when you aren’t checking your phone every three minutes. Barbara took it as a compliment.

A few nights later, we went to see a band who specialized in Led Zeppelin covers. The guitarist was pretty good, but it was the lead singer people paid to see. She was female, very attractive, and could really belt it out.

By our third date, I was getting very comfortable with Barbara. She was easy to be with, and a very pretty lady. The combination of dark hair and light eyes never failed to stir me.

– “It’s getting a little noisy in here.” I said. “Want to have a drink at our place?”

Barbara smiled. I wasn’t fooling anybody with my attempt to be clever.

– “That sounds great.” she said.

I took her hand as we walked back to the apartment, and she gave my fingers a squeeze. It wasn’t very cold out yet, so we didn’t have to hurry.

But as we passed the bakery, and turned into the lane, I saw someone sitting on the step in front of our door. The person stood up, and took a step towards us.

– “Joe?”

It was Sam.

“Can I talk to you?” she said.

A hundred thoughts raced through my head. I’m not sure how I did it, but I kept my cool. I turned to Barbara.

– “I’m sorry.” I said.

She understood immediately. And she handled it with pure class.

– “Call me tomorrow?” she said, softly.

– “I will.”

Barbara squeezed my hand, and then turned to go. She only had six blocks to go to get home, along a well-lit main street. I probably should have walked her home, but I couldn’t be in two places at once.

Sam could tell from my face that I wasn’t pleased.

– “I’m sorry.” she said. “But I can never get you on the phone – I leave messages, but you never call me back. I’ve missed you …”

I took Sam inside, and made us some coffee. Fortunately, my roommates were all out.

Then I took Sam to the little table where our phone sat. I showed her the scribbles on the wall, where Laurie had (sort of) left me messages.

– “Rose always gives me the message.” I told her. “With Laurie, sometimes I get it, and sometimes I don’t. Ronnie never tells me that you phoned. But you already know that.”

I had her sit at the kitchen table. She looked more achingly pretty than ever. But her looks had never been the problem.

“Sam, if you want to call me, that’s fine with me. I won’t ever duck or dodge your calls.”

She nodded. She believed me.

“You know that I like you. You’re a beautiful woman. Sex with you is… was … fantastic. And you know that I liked being with you even when we weren’t … having sex.”

“But I can’t be your boyfriend, Sam. We can’t be a couple.”

That was hard for her. She knew it already, of course, but it wasn’t what she’d been hoping to hear when she sat waiting for me. She started to cry a little.

– “Do you have to go home – or do you want to stay over?” I asked. “No sex – but you can stay with me tonight if you want.”

Sam sniffed back the tears. “I’ll … stay.”

I turned off the coffee, and took Sam to my room. I put her to bed, and held her in my arms while she had a good cry.

Eventually, she fell asleep.

 

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How to Deal With Being in a Relationship With an Older Guy

All relationships have advantages and pitfalls. May-September relationships (where the man is significantly older than the woman, usually by at least a generation) have their special challenges. Knowing what to expect can make the difference in the relationship.

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    Determine why you are choosing someone older as a relationship partner.

    • Sometimes the relationship is a superficial one, based upon the man’s financial situation. This stereotype is seen often in the media, and therefore makes people immediately think that if you’re with an older man, it’s because of his money.
    • Other women prefer much older men because they are attracted to the knowledge, experience and/or wisdom that comes with those years.
    • Still other women prefer older men, but only if they appear to be younger than they are. This helps negate some of the “gold digger” comments.
    • Still other women choose older men because they had an unhappy or nonexistent relationship with their father, and are trying to fill that hole they feel in their lives.
    • Other women have a “caretaker” instinct that draws them to older men who genuinely care and appreciate their kindness.
    • There are also women who are sexually attracted to men with wrinkles and gray hair.
    • Older men tend to be more grateful for their relationship with someone younger, and are somewhat less likely to cheat.
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    Realize that you’ll have to deal with prejudice.

    • You’ll be mistaken for the man’s daughter or granddaughter on occasion.
    • Prepare to hear people humming “You’re Sixteen” and “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” near you.
    • Some friends will immediately think your boyfriend is creepy and will think you crazy for dating this man. You may have to convince them of his good qualities.
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    If the relationship would be an illegal one, strongly consider the consequences.

    • This means that if you’re under 18, you could be subjecting the person you want to date to possible criminal charges. Even your consent is not enough to overcome statutory rape. It is in the man’s interest that you keep the relationship platonic until a romantic relationship is legal.
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    Remember to include your boyfriend in some of your activities, and let him know that he’s welcome to include you in some of his activities.

    • This will help people see that you two are not just a “secret” embarrassing item, but that you two actually do have a relationship built upon attraction, respect, trust, and shared experiences.
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    Think about the future, especially if you consider marriage.

    • If you want to start a family. An older parent isn’t necessarily a bad thing … children are born to parents who are in their 40s.
    • If you’re in a March-November relationship instead of a May-September relationship (a 2-generation difference) then you need to prepare for the very real possibility that you will outlive your partner while you are still young or early middle-aged. Be sure end-of-life concerns are taken care of for your partner, and that you are emotionally ready for the stress: both during the relationship and after.
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    If you two really do love each other for the right reasons, most people will eventually accept your relationship. Those who don’t either can’t see past their prejudices or don’t care about your happiness.

 

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The Old, The New, The Frank, The Untrue: Changing Faces of Japan’s Sex Industry — OTAKU LOUNGE

Prostitution may be (technically) illegal in Japan – it has been since the 1950s – but the sex industry itself is very much alive and kicking. Want to be chatted to by beautiful women or pretty boys over some pricey drinks? The hostess and host clubs have you covered. Feel like being bathed by an […]

via The Old, The New, The Frank, The Untrue: Changing Faces of Japan’s Sex Industry — OTAKU LOUNGE