If Your Relationship Is Suffocating, You’ll Notice These 7 Signs

Romantic relationships can be difficult at times. Occasionally, your relationships might require some mediation, a little bit of trial and error, and a lot of communication to work things out. This especially can be the case after the honeymoon phase, or as you and your partner face life changes. However, romantic relationships shouldn’t feel like a burden or heavy obligation. And you definitely shouldn’t feel as if your relationship is suffocating you.

Here are seven red flags you’ll notice if your relationship is suffocating you — and seven signs it’s time to talk things through with your partner (or, honestly, break up!).

1. YOUR SO TEXTS YOU… NON-STOP

Nikita Sursin / Stocksy

A 2019 study by Typing.com surveyed 1,000 people — women, men, married and unmarried, those in long-distance relationships and not, — about their digital communication habits with their SOs. Among other tidbits, researchers found that about six text messages in a row is the point where most people feel their partner is too “clingy” or “needy.” Whatever that number might be for you, a partner who texts you incessantly might make you feel stifled by the relationship.

As relationship expert Susan Winter put it, “Having someone to check in with throughout the day can feel great, but constantly having your phone bombarded with texts and notifications from your (new) bae can start to feel like a bit much.” Moreover, Winter said, if your partner gets upset any time you want to take space, then that’s reflective of some seriously controlling tendencies.

Your partner might explain away their behavior by saying they’re that they’re worried about you. On the surface, that might seem sweet. But if they’re blowing up your phone — especially in rapid succession and throwing a fit if you don’t respond — this can actually be manipulation. “This is to substantiate their position, making emotional manipulation look like affection. Don’t fall for it,” Winter said. “It’s a ploy for control.”

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

To “gaslight” someone is to “make them doubt that their thoughts, feelings, and actions” to the point where they believe they can’t trust their judgment or that they’re losing their mind,” Dr. Leslie Beth Wish explained to Elite Daily. It’s another tactic a suffocating (or even abusive) partner might use to gain control. This might include your partner flat-out denying saying things you definitely heard them say or denying doing things you definitely saw them do.

A partnership where one person gaslights the other can feel suffocating because now, there’s an extra layer to your relationship dynamic (especially when it comes to arguments). If your partner constantly makes you feel irrational, you might start feeling like you’re always the bad guy — and might start believing that about yourself, even if it isn’t true.

 

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

It can feel equally smothering to have a partner who frequently nitpicks and puts you down. Just like with gaslighting, undermining behaviors can do major damage over time. “[Their] feedback, in the beginning, might have just enough ‘truth’ in it that you doubt yourself. Over time, your partner will lie, and tell you that so and so said negative things about your appearance or conversation. Now you have ‘proof’ from another person that you are too stupid, too silly, too shallow, too wrong or too much or too little of something in your behavior or appearance,” Wish said.

Weeks or months of this kind of behavior can chip away at your self-confidence and inner strength, according to Wish. This is, all in all, a toxic situation. Constructive criticism is one thing. Disintegrating your self-worth is another thing entirely.

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

One classic abusive behavior (that has a suffocating effect) is when your partner starts to isolate you. Your partner might start with putting down your family and friends. By casting your crew as untrustworthy, your partner narrows the scope of your reality and exerts control over you. Isolation tactics can be that subtle or more overt. Ultimately, it can come in the form of guilting you into not attending family functions, or berating you for enjoying wine night with the girls.

As love coach Monica Parikh told Elite Daily, “The goal is to isolate you from your support network, making you an easy target for emotional manipulation and abuse.” It’s overwhelming to be forced to deal with the trials and tribulations life throws at you, without your core support network by your side.

4. YOUR PARTNER NEEDS TO KNOW WHERE YOU, ARE ALL THE TIME

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

You might be feeling overwhelmed by a clingy partner if, as Winter put it, “you begin to feel like leaving your apartment requires a sign-out sheet.” And, Winter continued, “Your partner’s incessant need to know where you are at all times is a sign of deep insecurity.” It’s just not realistic or healthy to have your partner monitor your whereabouts at all times. It’s important you maintain your autonomy, even if you’re someone’s partner.

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

It’s also unhealthy if your SO is determined for the two of you to spend all of your free time together. This prevents the two of you from having space for yourself or to be with your own friends.

Again, having freedom is so key to not feeling like you’re drowning in a relationship. Kali Rogers, who founded Blush Online Coaching, told Elite Daily, “Having your own autonomy is so critical to not only your overall happiness, but for your relationship’s, as well.”

6. YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS CO-DEPENDENT

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

There comes a point, too, where your relationship can feel suffocating because the two of you are co-dependent. In co-dependent relationship, there’s one partner who relies heavily on the other and one who’s sense of self is wrapped up in providing for their partner. Psychologist Erika Martinez broke it down like this:

The dependent relies on the codependent to take care of, support, fix, and generally enable [them]. In some cases, the dependent really can’t take care of themselves, and in others, it’s a state of learned helplessness.

The codependent does the enabling and grows accustomed to being the one that people (including the dependent) turn to for help. Thus, codependent’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem are often tied to their ability to fix things, be proactive, help others, people-please, etc.

Being tied to this unhealthy relationship roles can suck the joy out of your partnership.

Michela Ravasio / Stocksy

Similar to the desire to know where you are at all times, another suffocating relationship behavior is your partner demanding access to all your communication. Yes, transparency about what you’re up to and who you’re talking to is good. But it’s best when that happens in couples willingly and organically.

If your partner is pressed to see what you’re looking at online or who you’re messaging, either one of two things is happening: Trust has been broken or your partner is trying to control you. (Depending on your relationship, the situation could be a bit of both.) Parikh confirmed the latter, saying, “A controlling partner may feel entitled to have access to your email, phone, or internet history.”

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

It’s crucial that you and your partner talk things out. If your SO is texting you too much (or throwing a fit when you don’t text back), have a conversation about what kinds of texting or calling is appropriate for your relationship. Talk frankly about self-care and taking time for yourself. Re-establish boundaries. And if you have these hard conversations with your SO to no avail, then these red flags are grounds for breaking up.

Rough patches do happen. But at the same time, your relationship shouldn’t feel like a heavy obligation, or a black hole sucking up all of your happiness and self-esteem. You deserve a partner who’s going to gas you up, be your equal, and nurture your well-being.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

 

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Celebrity Sightings – Jacqueline London

I’ve known Jackie for a few years now. She’s  lovely woman and just as nice as she is beautiful.

Emmy-winning journalist Jacqueline London joined NBC10 in March of 2013. She can currently be seen co-anchoring NBC10 News at 5 PM and 11 PM weekdays.

Prior to joining NBC10, London was with WKMG in Orlando, Florida, where she spent 10 years as an anchor and reporter. While there she was named ‘Best News Anchor’ by The Orlando Business Journal. She also earned two Suncoast Emmys while at WKMG, one for the program “Primetime London” which she wrote, produced and hosted.

With over 15 years of experience in broadcasting, London is known for her exclusive one-on-one interviews, from local newsmakers and celebrities to President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama. In late 2013, she interviewed Jimmy Fallon as he prepared for his new role as host of The Tonight Show, NBC’s iconic late-night program.

London got her start at ABC affiliate WQAD in Moline, Ill. During her two years there, she anchored the station’s weekend morning news and reported for the afternoon and evening newscasts.

Active in the community, London is involved in women’s issues and other causes close to her heart. She actively works to raise awareness for heart disease and diabetes. Since moving to Philadelphia she has emceed the American Diabetes Association’s Step Out: Walk to Stop Diabetes, Philadelphia’s 2013 Heart Walk, and the 2014 Annual Heart Ball.

London earned a B.A. in journalism & mass communication from The University of Iowa. A native of Chicago, she currently resides in Philadelphia and enjoys exploring her new hometown.

 

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If Your Partner Is Falling Out Of Love, Therapists Say This Is The 1 Thing You’ll Notice

All relationships have natural ebbs and flows. No matter how long you’ve been seeing someone, having little arguments here and there or taking a break from the sexy stuff can sometimes be super healthy. But if you’ve been feeling a little disconnected from you boo for a while or if the fights seem more frequent, you may be wondering if your partner is falling out of love with you. “Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if you are having a tough time in a relationship, if you are experiencing significant problems, if you really are questioning how well it is working versus actually falling out of love,” Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Elite Daily. “Love can be lost and found. It can fade and come back, it can be ‘fixed’ but because love is a feeling, it is not a guarantee that love lost will return.”

It’s not always easy to unpack whether or not you are falling out of love or just going through a rough patch. If you’ve been fighting a lot or are just generally feeling distant from your boo, falling out of love could be the result of a loss of connection. “When we fall out of love, we lose a deeper feeling of connection with our partner,” Dr. Klapow says. “Falling out of love is losing that almost indescribable feeling of wanting to be with your partner for the long run no matter how much of a disaster or how perfect things are in the moment.”

If you’re concerned that your partner is falling out of love with you, Dr. Klapow shares some behaviors to look out for. “When it moves from ‘I don’t like what you are doing’ to ‘I don’t like you.’ They go from being emotionally connected to emotionally ‘neutral.’ They ask you to change the way you eat, talk, interact, spend time, look. They seem to schedule their life differently,” Dr. Klapow says. “Growing distant is a major relationship red flag.” Of course, every relationship is different, and your partner exhibiting some or all of these behaviors doesn’t necessary mean they’re falling out of love. Long-term romantic relationships are hard. And with school work, family, and general life to deal with — it’s completely natural for schedules to shift around, personal preferences to evolve, or even for feelings to change overtime.

If you’re starting to sense some disconnect in your relationship, or you’re starting to worry that your partner is falling out of love with you, it’s important to directly communicate how you are feeling and where you are coming from before guessing what they are feeling. “Don’t assume that the distance can only be that they are falling out of love,” Dr. Klapow says. “But don’t assume that everything is fine. Remember that your partner’s personal issues, your own issues and the relationship itself all drive the emotional setting.” If your partner seems to be pulling away, or if they’ve been more emotionally neutral — checking in with where their head is at can help you communicate openly, before assuming how they are feeling.

If you’re worried that your partner may be falling out of love with you, and you want to make the relationship work, it can be helpful to express to them how much you love them. “Ask what is going on, and express your desire to make things better,” Dr. Klapow says. “Don’t be defensive. Don’t argue. Just listen.” Giving your parter the chance to express themselves in a low-key and supportive way may enable them to open up about where their head is at. “You may find that what you are hearing is a combination of you, them and their relationship itself,” Dr. Klapow says. “Ultimately, it is your choice to pull the plug or not — but don’t decide until you have tried to work it out or have tried with professional support.” Getting everything out in the open can help you and your partner better understand what you need from each other and where your relationship is going, moving forward.

If you’re worried your partner is falling out of love with you, you may be noticing them pulling away or not being as emotionally engaged with your relationship. Before assuming their thoughts or feelings, openly discuss where you both are coming from and what support you both need. Love changes and flows, but opening up a conversation can keep everyone feeling supported and heard.

 

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Sabrina – First Real Date

So our girl Sabrina is going to make good on her promise to take me out to dinner. I’m working at the salon on Sunday.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“How’s your day?”

“Quiet here at the salon.”

“I’m in the city. Do you want a quick bite to eat after 4? It’s okay if you’re tired or busy.”

“Yes. That’s what we planned.”

“Yes. Lol. So I’m around 16th st and Walnut. Tell me a place around there to meet you.

“The Café at 2011 Walnut Street, Right next to the Irish Pub.”

“Ok I’m there. See you soon. I’m inside the Irish Pub. Just meet me there.”

I get there and she’s standing near the front door. I see that The Café is closed and she says that she’s fine if we just sit in one of the booths in the back of the Irish Pub. I tell her we can go somewhere else if she’s not comfortable there. She says it’s fine.

I’ve been grazing all day at the salon and I’m not terribly hungry, but she suggests we get a few appetizers to share. I think that’s a splendid idea and we order up.

“You can have a drink if you want.”

“I’m not going to drink around you, Sabrina.”

Sabrina tells me all about her new marketing job down on the Delaware. She says that it’s like the job of her dreams. I’m really happy for her. Sabrina’s been through some rough times. She tells me that she feels my good energy and help brought her the luck to get this new job that has saved her from having a financial crisis.

We trade stories about work, life and people we both know. Especially her friend Jill. (See: Jill to Jezebel)

As promised, Sabrina pays the bill and I offer to pay the tip. I’m having a lovely night with her.

After our meal we head up to Gran Café L’ Aquila and order a flight of gelato. She loves it of course and her coffee is free because I get the hookup there. I had a great time with her and only spent $10 the whole night.

I walked her to her car. (No ticket. Well done Philly, Thanks!) I’m putting Sabrina in.

There was a homeless guy lurking by the car and he said that he and his wife live on the steps at 17th and Sansom. He says he loves us both on TV and watches our show all the time.

In that moment I think how Sabrina and I would make a couple of great TV hosts. Which is selfish to this guy’s plight. But I just want him to go away so I can say goodnight to my friend. His desperation is destroying my final moments with pretty Sabrina. He soils it and I tell her to text me when she gets home. But I just want to be away and home at this point. Actually I just want to be one block closer to Rittenhouse and smoking a cigarette.

Sabrina texts later that she’s home safe and thanks me for the night.

She’s lovely. I would totally date her. I could make her forget her ex.

 

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Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 22

Teresa gathered us all in the living room, or on the main deck, as she called it. She handed each of us a new set of clues, which we were allowed to read, but then had to return to her. She would, however, allow us to write down our own copies, if we so desired. Mine looked like this:

– LEO IS NOT A PIRATE, THOUGH HE PRETENDS TO BE

– YOU REMEMBER THAT REDBEARD USED CODES TO PROTECT HIS SECRETS. THE LOCATION OF HIS TREASURE, HE SAID, WAS GUARDED BY ‘THE TWELVE APOSTLES’

– THERE IS A BIBLE ABOARD. IT HAS MORE THAN ONE USE.

I looked around at the others. If Claire had the same clue, she would want her Bible back. But she was eager to meet and join forces with the Falcon, whoever that was – my enemy.

So I immediately did two things. First, I wrote some notes on the paper Teresa had provided. But I did not copy the clues she had given me. Instead I wrote down the pirate recognition signal, the fact that Claire wanted to be a pirate, and then my own piece of fiction: that the Scar intended to betray the Falcon. It was a lie, but only I knew that. Later on today, I might ‘lose’ my secret clues, or leave them lying around where someone else would find them.

The second thing I did was to sneak back into the den, and hide two pieces of paper. One was Claire’s Bible. The second was my paper that said ‘Pistol’. Upon reflection, I didn’t want to be caught with it; since Redbeard had been killed by a bullet, if anyone knew that I had a pistol, they might suspect me.

It had begun to rain, softly, and the dark clouds did not look promising. Teresa took me aside, to ask me a favor.

– “Would you organize a table tennis tournament? And perhaps billiards as well? Mix up the teams, so that everyone has a chance to play with everyone else.”

– “I can do that. Will you be participating?” I asked.

– “No, thank you.”

Teresa then announced that because of the weather, we would not have duty stations. “This afternoon,” she said, “will be devoted to games. Able seaman Colin will draw up a schedule. To add a little incentive, the winners of the table tennis and billiards tournaments will be granted a special clue concerning the whereabouts of the treasure.”

I drew up the teams in no time, and then designed a quick round-robin formula. Five teams, to play each other team, best two records meeting in a playoff final. If Teresa could play matchmaker, then so could I. First team: Craig and Claire.

Leo would kill me if I paired him up with Eliza so obviously. Also, he was a pretty weak ping-pong player. He wouldn’t want to embarrass Eliza, who had to be pretty decent – it was her table, after all. So I put Eliza with Eric, one of the most uncoordinated, un-athletic people on the planet. Leo could have Sheila for a partner, because I had seen her play once, and she was pretty good.

I would take Lena as my partner. Hopefully, she would feel more comfortable with me. And I had promised Teresa to look after her. That left Ben and Barb for the final team.

It was surprisingly entertaining. Claire was obviously nervous, perhaps distracted by having Craig for a partner. He played reasonably well, but Eliza simply returned every shot right at her best friend, knowing that Claire would squeal in panic, and either miss completely, or hit the wall, a spectator, the fridge … you name it. I should mention that we all played in costume, so it was fun to watch, too. Especially the way Ee’s breasts threatened to leap out of her shirt when she smashed the ball.

Ben and Barb then took on Sheila and Leo. I had to make a rules call. I decided that costumes count, and that Barb therefore had to play with her eye patch on. Didn’t matter; she and Ben narrowly edged Sheila, who was virtually playing alone. Leo produced a pretty funny running commentary, but it might have helped his teammate a little more if he had returned a shot or two. I decided, privately, that watching Barb’s tits jiggle was the real highlight of the match.

Lena and I then played Claire and Craig. I’m not sure if ping pong is popular in Slovenia. All I know is that Lena had never played it. You would think, with her incredible wingspan, that she might be effective. But she had the reflexes of a three-toed sloth. It was a race to see who could make the most unforced errors. Craig and I had our share of those, too, because we were both laughing so hard.

In the end, Lena and I managed to finish 4th, with a win and 3 losses. Claire and Craig were winless, while Eliza and Eric split their games. Barb and Ben, undefeated, were in the finals, against Sheila and Leo, who had lost only one game. They played an epic match, with Sheila practically standing on her head, but Ben was too much for her.

 

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=304

 

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How Long Does a Crush Last? 10 Steps to Get Over Your Crush ASAP

You can’t seem to get your crush out of your head, and you’ve liked them for months. Is this normal? How long does a crush last and can you move on faster?

If you’re wondering, how long does a crush last, you’re in good company. When I was in high school, I had a crush on a drummer for four years. Yes, four years. I couldn’t get over him. I thought he was amazing, I wanted him to be with me so badly. Obviously, that never happened.

But I remember spending hours, thinking to myself, how long can I like someone? When is it going to end? If you’re crushing on someone you’re probably thinking the same thing. You realize that nothing is going to happen, at least not now, and you need to get over them.

Before you learn how to get over them, you probably want to know if what you’re feeling is normal. At least, that’s what I wanted to know when I was younger. [Read: How to have fun while getting over your crush]

How long does a crush last?

Listen, having feelings for someone is completely normal and healthy. Plus, having a crush is fun, let’s face it. Even though it can end with a broken heart, the drama that leads up to it is exciting and thrilling. But what is too long to have a crush? In reality, according to psychologists, a typical crush usually lasts for four months. If the feeling persists, what you feel is what we like to call, “being in love.”

But before we start freaking out, let’s get real. Science is one thing, but it can’t measure someone’s feelings and make it a statistic. We’re all different. Whether your crush is for four months or three years, that’s okay. Now, if you want to get over your crush, here’s what you need to do.

How to get over your crush as soon as you possibly can

It’s called a crush for a reason. Cue the violin.

#1 Why do you like them? But actually, why do you like this person? What is it about them that drives you wild? You probably haven’t thought about this seriously. But you need to look at why you actually like them. Plus, how do you feel when you’re around them? Since they’re a crush, you’re probably not acting yourself which is a sign that you’re fantasizing about someone who’s not for you. [Read: Feeling lost in life? How to find yourself again]

#2 Treat it like a breakup. I know, you didn’t date them, we all know you didn’t date them. But, in order to move on, you need to treat this as a breakup. Get into bed, watch some chick flicks, start crying, and get it all out.

It’s okay to allow yourself to be sad regardless if you dated this person or not. You invested emotionally into them, so why not take the time in grieving over your crush. [Read: How to say goodbye to the might-have-beens]

#3 It’s all about distance. See, I like to think that I couldn’t get over my crush because he was in all my classes. I mean, how can you keep distance from someone who always is around you? I get it. But you’re going to have to try to create some distance between you and your crush.

You need time away from them, so avoid areas where they hang out, avoid stalking them on social media *because I know you are* and just avoid being around them as much as you can. [Read: How to get over someone you see every day without losing it]

#4 Don’t stalk them on social media. Nothing will work if you’re drooling over their photos all day. You need a break, remember? This also means from social media. If you can unfollow them, do it. If you can delete them, do it. But really, you need to do it. I know, it’s hard, but once they’re off your social media, it’s crazy how fast you forget about them.

#5 Don’t ask about them. You probably have mutual friends and that’s where you get your information. But for your sake, stop asking about your crush. Trust me, I know it’s going to be hard. But, remove them from your daily life which includes talking about them with other people. Tell your friends not to update you about your crush, that way, the information can’t fuel your feelings.

#6 Get honest with yourself. They’re a crush for a reason. You were never going to be with them. Think about the other crushes you had and how you got over them. You’ll get over this one as well. In the moment, we get all wrapped up with emotion, but at the end of the day, we all know the truth. If you made a move and were rejected, that’s okay. You did what you could and now, it’s time to move on. [Read: 14 ways to get over someone you never dated and free your mind]

#7 This will take time. Now, if this person goes to school with you or is a coworker, expect this to take longer. You can’t rush your feelings. And while you’re trying to get over them, you’re going to feel like shit. I can’t lie about that. You’re going to feel rejected and broken, but this is just the process. It’s better than living in a fantasy.

So, give yourself as much time as you need to get over your crush. The day will come when you stop thinking about them.

#8 Meet new people. This doesn’t mean you should jump to another crush. Getting over someone doesn’t work when you simply move on to someone else. If anything, that’s just the easy way out. What you need to do is meet new people around you with a positive influence. It would be even better if these people didn’t know your crush. That way, you can’t talk about them. [Read: 16 easy ways to meet new people and find your crowd]

#9 Get busy. Treat this as a breakup. With that being said, if you were breaking up with someone, I would suggest that you fill your time with things you enjoy doing.

Try to stay away from your phone because that only leads you to obsessive creeping. I am notorious for that, so I know what it’s like. Do things that you want to do, spend time with other people, literally do anything to distract yourself. [Read: 20 reasons why someone may never like you back]

#10 Flirt with someone else. Okay, this isn’t my first suggestion, but flirting always helps. This doesn’t mean you need to find someone else to obsess over, but casually flirting with other people is a nice reminder that there are other people out there. It’s an ego boost. It’s just light, innocent flirting…

[Read: Really effective tips to stop thinking about someone you really like]

Having a crush is fun and innocent, something we all experience. If you wonder, how long does a crush last, then it’s probably been too long already, and it’s high time you tried to get over them!

 

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Kita – Chapter 17 – Asian Glow

Last week when I was out with Kita, she declined a glass of wine because she said she had Asian Glow. I had never heard of it before so I decided to do some investigating on my own.

Some Asians have a natural condition that discourages them from drinking alcohol. About 50 percent of the Japanese, Korean, and Northeastern Chinese population experience a phenomenon called the Alcohol Flush Reaction (AFR), or what is commonly known as “Asian glow.” AFR is usually associated with flushing of the neck and face, but the condition also results in symptoms such as heightened heart rate, headache, and nausea, even after consuming as little as one alcoholic drink.

Typically, alcohol is metabolized in the liver, where it is oxidized first to acetaldehyde and then to acetate. Most people who experience AFR, however, flush after drinking because they lack the mitochondrial aldehyde dehydro¬genase (ALDH2) enzyme that converts acetaldehyde, resulting in an accumulation of acetaldehyde up to 10 times the normal concentration. The exact genetic nature of the deficient enzyme appears to be the presence of an allele (ALDH2*2) that inacti¬vates ALDH2 enzymes. The allele is, in fact, dominant, although heterozygous individuals show much milder reactions to alcohol than homozygous individuals.

There have been several drugs that stop the flushing, such as histamine and the over-the-counter drug, Pepcid AC. However, these drugs only mitigate the “glow,” i.e. they do not prevent the acetal¬dehyde accumulation, which is suspected to cause long-term liver problems. Thus, individuals who drink often and use drugs to suppress the flushing are at greater risk for liver diseases.

Even though the vernacular term for AFR is “Asian glow,” Asians are not the only ones who suffer from the often embarrassing “glow.” It turns out that Ashkenazi Jews often lack the aldehyde dehydrogenase enzyme as well.

Maybe it’s time, then, to think of a new name for “Asian glow.” Seems a little insensitive.

 

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