Understanding Body Language When Dating Women

You may think that this only accounts for a tiny fraction of communication and tiny compared to words, but you would be very wrong. Body language actually accounts for a staggering 55% of all communication while your actual ‘words’ account for only a staggering 7%!

If you were to see a beautiful woman sitting alone in a bar stroking the stem of her wine glass whilst her body was pointing towards you as she was looking over, would you know what this means? Would you go over and speak with her? Should you?

Reading Body Language is difficult at the beginning, but like all things, it gets easier with knowledge, practice and experience.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when attempting to read body language is that they just look for 1 sign and act on it; but this is incorrect. You need to look for groups of signals (clusters) that all compliment and reflect each other. Just because your date is sat opposite you with her arms crossed, it does not mean that she is bored, closed, disagrees with what you are saying or does not like you! She could just be cold!

OK, now to cover the main things that you need to both look for and change about yourself to make you more appealing to women

l. Eye Contact

Good eye contact is one of the most powerful weapons you have in your arsenal.

You can literally stir powerful sexual tension or emotions in a woman just with eye contact. I know this sounds hard to believe, but non-verbal communication is one of the most powerful forms of communication. When you see a woman that you like, simply look at her with strong eye contact and body language, make it clear that you are looking at her and make sure that she knows it. From doing this, you know whether a woman is interested in at least having a brief conversation with you or not by her body language and reaction. From here, you can move further in the interaction by going over to say hello to her.

There is also a form of non-verbal communication called ‘triangular gazing’ which is when looking at a woman, you glance at her left eye, followed by her right eye, followed by her mouth (or vice versa, R,L,M.) This is a very sexual message that you are giving off and indicates both confidence and sexuality, she can’t help but feel the sexual tension, it comes from that instinctual part of our brain.

2. Body position

In order to not come across as too dominating to a woman, it is important not to approach her with completely straight/square on body language; animals do this when they are about to attack.

Also, If she is constantly turning her body to an angle, she is in effect, turning her interest away from you, take the hint and adapt and overcome. I always prefer to almost walk past a woman before talking to her, she will read from your body language that you are about to continue walking at any second and so will respond to you in a positive way.

3. Arms and legs

The arms and legs are a very powerful reading tool when it comes to body language. Have you ever noticed when someone is nervous how they constantly move their arms, hands, legs and feet as if trying to find somewhere suitable or comfortable to put them? This is fidgeting, it only happens when someone feels uncomfortable. Think about it, are you twitching and fidgeting right now whilst reading this? No, of course not, your in a relaxed and comfortable position.

What to do: Keep your arms to the side of your body in a relaxed manner or to the front of your body, hands together at 90 degree angles. When in this position, use your hands to really emphasize important points and also use for gentle, but quick touches on her arm to build rapport; just don’t overdo it.

4. Weight distribution

This is simple: when you are interested in someone, you will lean your body weight onto the front or leading foot. This is fine when talking with friends and family, but disastrous when talking with women who you like. It shows too much interest and neediness.

Instead, try to lean back and put your weight onto your back foot when she is talking. This shifts the power back into your favor and shows both confidence and also value on your behalf. You are in effect showing that you are not trying to pick up on her or putting in too much effort to win her affections.

5. Scratching and Grooming of Hair

This is where evolution comes in; scratching and grooming is a trait passed down to us through our genetic code by our prime ape ancestry, it’s pre programmed/hard-wired into our brains from birth.

The most common places where a woman will scratch herself is on the face if she finds you attractive. Scratching and grooming is more common in women than men, the tell tale sign is when a woman is constantly playing and touching her hair for no apparent reason when she is in close proximity with you. This is also revealing in women with short hair as they still seem to touch and play with their hair for no apparent reason.

6. Holding drink with both hands

The holding of a drink, jacket or any other object in front of the body or groin area is a huge tell tale sign of discomfort.

Both men and women tend to spend a good deal of the first date doing this until they properly open up to each other.

The item in front of you is actually a psychological block between you and the woman with whom you are speaking created as a sort of a shield of protection, to protect the infamous ‘male ego.’ The sooner you correct this, the better your interactions with women will go. Next time you are in an uncomfortable situation, particularly with a woman, notice how she will put her bag in between you and her.

7. Stroking of cylindrical objects / sliding in and out of a circular object

This is purely and simply sexual frustration in both men and women. Men: Slide their finger in and out of rings (as an example).

Women: Stroke the stem of their wine glass (as an example).

The points above cover some really basic body language which you should look to correct in yourself both during and after dates.


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Social Cues: 13 Ways to Recognize Subtle Signs People Give Away

Social cues are universal cues in many forms, learning to read them, while listening to a person’s words, will give you a better social perspective.

Social Cues: 13 Ways to Recognize Subtle Signs People Give Away

Human beings are very complex creatures. Often, what we say and what we mean and feel, aren’t always the same. Knowing how to read people’s social cues is an important component of finding happiness, being self-assured ,and having a high self-esteem. But, not everyone understands what social cues are or how important they are to your emotional well-being.

Social cues are the ways that people send messages nonverbal and verbal through their movements, facial expressions, or actions. Because each person communicates their feelings differently, if a person only looked for social cues alone, they might be lost in a sea of confusion.

13 important social cues you might be missing

There are some major cues, however, that can help you to react appropriately in social situations and settings. If you get these universal social cues, it might help you better succeed personally and professionally, or at a minimum, know when you are turning someone off or on.

  1. Back off.  Everyone knows the “close talker” except the close talker himself. In social situations, people need something called their “personal space.” It is a zone around us that we keep to distance ourselves appropriately from others.

Close talkers don’t understand the comfort zone and often cross the line. When someone approaches you and comes in too close to talk to you *or touches you* without you sending them the “go” sign, it can be a huge turnoff and have someone looking for an exit.

The sign that you have invaded someone’s personal bubble is that the person will typically try to back away from you. Or, try to evade the situation altogether.

Someone’s personal zone is about three feet, so getting any closer unless you are invited to do so, is not a socially comfortable thing. Being aware of other people’s social space can help you to be more accepted in social interactions.

#2 Tone of voice. The way that you move your voice up and down is a signal about how important what you are saying is. If someone is speaking loudly, or is very animated, what they are saying is highly important to them and should be paid attention to.

When you are in a heated conversation with your mate or boss, and they stress certain phrases, or have a lot of variation in the tone of their voice, it is imperative that you listen. What they are saying is meant to be heard and followed. What they are saying is not as important as the way that they are saying it.

That is why if someone says “I’m not mad” when yelling their words and their social cues don’t coincide, I would go with the assumption that if they weren’t angry, they wouldn’t be so loud about it. Higher pitches typically mean that a person is excited, while lower means that they are more serious about what they are saying.

#3 Texting and emailing. A new phenomenon of the past several decades is text and email messages. I would argue that these forms of communication have caused more wars than anything else in the history of communication.

Why? It is because we read messages from the perspective we have about a situation or person. When someone sends you a message, try to take your own assumptions out of it and read it exactly as written to gain a better understanding of what it really says.

“What are you doing today?” could be read as “Are you being lazy again?” to someone who is already feeling bad about how involved they have been when it really might be asking nothing more than “what you are doing?”

Social cues are incredibly hard to decipher through text or written messages. If you want to be heard and understood, the best way to be so is by verbally talking to someone or picking up the phone.

#4 Looking someone in the eye. Eye contact is one of the most critical social cues there is. When someone doesn’t look you in the eye, it can send a various number of signals. Typically, when someone doesn’t look you in the eye, it means that they are uncomfortable, guilty, feeling awkward, or that they have something to say that they aren’t saying.

If someone won’t look you in the eye when talking to you, then the social cue they are sending is that whatever communication you are having isn’t exactly on the up and up. There is something behind their lack of interaction that they are avoiding.

#5 Shifting around in their chair. If you are having a conversation with someone and they are fidgeting or shifting around in their seat, that is a social cue that they are either bored or that they are uncomfortable with what you are saying.

Shifting around in a chair is their way of telling you that they would rather be somewhere other than where they are. It is a nervous habit that some people have that says they are disinterested, have other things on their mind, or just don’t want to be where they are.

#6 Crossing your arms. When someone is crossing their arms while talking to you, they are guarding themselves against you and what you have to say. It is almost like a sign that your messages aren’t being heard or wanted.

A defensive move, if someone has crossed arms, you will often find yourself doing the same thing. It is a way of closing off a conversation that you aren’t agreeing with, or are trying not to have a conversation with a person that you don’t really want to have one with.

#7 The way someone dresses. We don’t just put our clothes on without thinking and feeling. Often, we find clothes that fit the mood we are in. Whether it is the color of the dress or its length, what we put on to wear is a huge social clue about who and what we are.

That is why there is such a thing as a power suit or a “night out” outfit. The clothes you wear send a message to those around you about what you want and who you are, whether you recognize it or not.

#8 Facial expressions. One social cue that is unmistakable and often uncontrollable, is the facial expression that we display to others. If you are upset, angered, or happy, it will almost always show in your face, even if you try to hide it.

The mood that you feel on the inside typically shows on the outside by the way that your face appears. One of the biggest indicators of social cues is the way a person expresses their emotions through facial expressions.

#9 Their smile. A smile is not just a smile, it is a social cue about how someone really feels about something. There is a true difference between a genuine smile and one that is forced; they are very different things.

If someone is only giving you a halfway smile, that isn’t showing that they are pleased. That is sending the message that they want you to think they are pleased, but they really aren’t. A genuine smile is something where the message is clear, something or someone has made a person happy.

#10 Checking their phone. If someone is checking their mobile device, that is a social cue that you are boring them or that they are disinterested in what you have to say. Don’t mistake it for being busy. If they can’t wait until you are done talking to focus on whatever is happening on their phone, the social cue sent is that the mobile device is way more important than you.

#11 They suddenly stop talking or communicating. If someone is suddenly silent or seems to drop out of the conversation, then the chances are good that you have said something offensive or that they don’t want to talk about the subject anymore. Shutting down communication is often a sign that someone wants to get end the conversation they are having.

#12 Mirroring what you do. If you notice social cues in someone else, it might be a good idea to check yourself. When someone crosses their arms or gives you a look of excitement, even if they don’t seem so, they might be mirroring your social cues to tell you that they are on board and listening.

Before you assume that they are sending you alternate signs, take a look at what you are showing them. They might just be mirroring your actions and cues.

#13 Verbal affirmation. When you are having a conversation with someone, and they suddenly chime in with one word, they are sending you the message that they are listening attentively. Don’t misunderstand it for stealing the show or being overpowering.

Sometimes just shouting out a phrase or word is their way of saying “you have my attention and I am actively listening and engaging.” Even if you think it is disruptive, it might not mean to be. So, temper your replies accordingly.

Sometimes listening to the social cues that someone is sending you is more important than the words coming from their mouths. Learning to read other people’s body language isn’t always easy, and it doesn’t come naturally to everyone.

If you understand these social cues and what they might be telling you, then you will probably have an easier time in social situations, take chances when you might not have, or back off when it appears that you are coming on too strong or making someone feel uncomfortable.

When in a conversation, or communicating with someone, it is important to listen to their words. And also what their body is telling you to get a good idea of what they really mean and feel on the inside. Then you’ll be a master of social cues.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Phicklephilly – Fat And Curvy Are Not The Same

In the last few years, it has become the so-called “polite” thing to call a fat person “curvy” so as to appear less harsh/make them feel sexier and more desired/appear to be accepting of anything other than a size 0.

And while politeness, skirting the issue, and trying to find a way to accept such a body shape is no bad thing, we need to stop lumping (excuse the pun) these people together with actual curvy girls. This is not a fat-shaming exercise; it’s simply an observation about the way we view body image. Curves imply arcs, parts of the body that wave in and out—not rolls of excess fat and skin, sagging over the bones it’s meant to be covering.

It’s bad enough that we have to contend with the fact that plus-size models are actually still below the average dress size of women in the country, but to lump all those not fitting one boyish, skinny frame as “curvy” is just obscene. You wouldn’t call a rectangle a square because it has the same number of sides, so why should you bundle together different types of women who are completely different just because their clothes are labeled above a certain number?

It may be harsh to say, but there’s no way a healthy naturally curvy girl wants to be thought of in the same bracket as someone who resembles the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man, or the Michelin Man… looking like their kneecaps will crumble under their own weight in a few years. Curvy is Amber Rose. (Pictured above) Curvy is no more Melissa McCarthy than it is Kate Moss any day of the week. So why is it easy for us to distinguish skinny from athletic, athletic from curvy, but not curvy from a more rounded figure to a clinically obese person?

If we want to accept all body types and people of all shapes and sizes, shouldn’t we first establish that there are actual major differences in body types? Forget the numbers, the labels, the scales, and everything else—just use your eyes. There’s a visible difference. This is fact. So let’s address it.

We may be years away from the fashion industry opening up to the possibility of shapes other than a straight, thin line, but we can all start to change our own attitudes today. Be real, and be honest for crying out loud.

Now this is CURVY …. And it is GLORIOUS.

Fucking Gorgeous!!!

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

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