10 Signs You’re Finally Getting Over A Breakup & Are No Longer In Love With Your Ex

Breakups can be brutal. But you’re past that now. Here’s how to know you’re over your ex.

The worst part of a breakup is not knowing how long it takes to get over a broken heart. At first, it feels like you’ll never figure out how to move on.

While you’ll probably always feel some type of way for your ex and the relationship that you had, slowly but surely you’ll start seeing the signs you’re finally getting over your ex.

We sympathize with those of you who were still pining over an ex (we cyberstalk our exes sometimes, too), we’re hoping this article will help you in your process of getting over a breakup. It might just be the catalyst you need to move past that toxic purgatory.

1. You don’t feel homicidal when he starts dating someone else.

In fact, you’re thrilled for both of them. Especially since you’re the one who set them up in the first place. After all, just because the two of you didn’t work out doesn’t mean he shouldn’t find happiness with someone else.

On the flip side, if he happened to know someone who might just be your soulmate, you’re sure he’d do the same for you.

2. You feel no urgent need to return his phone calls, texts, and emails.

Because he no longer holds the number one spot in your heart. And it’s not as if he’s going to see the error of his ways simply because you’re prompt.

3. You are interested in other men.

When you and your ex first broke up, you hit the bar scene in earnest with your best gal pals, but your heart just wasn’t it, no matter how many jolly rancher shots they plied you with.

But just the other day, that sexy bartender smiled at you, and you experienced a moment of zing! And yesterday evening, you brushed shoulders with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome as you were picking up your kids from school, and your stomach did flip-flops. It looks like you’re ready to date again!

4. You now realize that a lot of his personality “quirks” were annoying or lame.

Like the fact that he was a compulsive liar. Or the fact that he constantly preened in front of the full-length mirror, making it really difficult for you to get dressed in the morning.

If you’re done seeing him through rose-colored glasses, you’re over him.

5. You consider your relationship a learning experience.

When you think back on the happy memories the two of you created together, you can’t help but smile. Yes, there were serious problems, but now, thank your lucky stars you know what to look out for in the future.

And that awful angst you experienced during your breakup and subsequent mourning period? It only made you stronger.

6. You no longer blame him for everything.

In the past, the bitterness you experienced due to your breakup caused you to inject spiteful comments about him into every conversation. Thank God that’s over and done with.

7. When you meet a new guy, you don’t automatically compare him to your ex.

Not only that, but you’re not even tempted to bring him up on your first date. Instead, you’re truly interested in learning more about this new guy’s life and, when asked about your own, are able to present yourself as a woman with hobbies and interests separate from those you shared with your old partner.

8. You think of yourself as single, not as someone who’s just gotten out of a relationship.

You’ve wallowed in self-pity for long enough, and are again ready to embrace the fun, adventure and boundless possibilities inherent in singledom. If you’re excited to be single, you’ve put Mr. Past where he belongs.

9. You truly feel that the relationship wasn’t meant to be.

And that you’re that much closer to finding the one you are supposed to be with.

10. You try to think of his middle name or phone number and can’t recall it.

Congratulations! The unnecessary detritus from your time together has been officially flushed from your system. Now go out and find someone who doesn’t give you chronic migraines

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13 Signs Your Ex Is Confused about Your Breakup: What About You?

Breakups aren’t easy. Usually, we end up more confused after the relationship. What do the signs your ex is confused mean for you and your relationship?

If your ex is telling you they want you back, don’t rush into it. You need to take a step back and see the signs your ex is confused. That way, you’ll know what to do next.

After my long term relationship *four years!*, it took me a while to get over my ex. Throughout the relationship, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be with him, and my emotions and self-esteem got the best of me. I didn’t think I could find someone who would love me the same way and make me feel happy, even though I knew my ex wasn’t the one for me. So, I stuck it out and stayed in the relationship.

But, eventually, it came to an end. Going through a breakup is really hard, and during the process, it makes you think about your ex in a different light. On the nights where you’re sad and lonely, you think about the good times you had—and it sucks you back in.

How to interpret the signs your ex is confused

My ex and I were off-and-on for a couple of months after the breakup. Even though we both knew the breakup must happen, you struggle with separating for good. This was someone you called your best friend; someone you shared laughs and memories with. I was definitely confused and highly emotional when wanting to go back to my ex.

And these emotions just made the breakup even harder for both of us. Don’t get played by emotions if it isn’t the right thing for you.

#1 What does your gut instinct say? When it comes to your gut instinct, your body knows when something isn’t right. If your ex gives you all the right words, but you feel something is off, then listen to your gut. If what they’re saying or doing isn’t making you feel good, then it’s not for you.

#2 They’re hot and cold. When you talk to them, they’ll be happy and flirty one day, and the next, moody and antisocial. They’re clearly confused with how they’re feeling about the breakup. They’re not sure what to do and struggling emotionally to make a decision.

#3 They mention how much they’ve invested in you. When you talk with them, they bring up how much they invested in the relationship. This could be seen as a positive, but also negative. If they feel they’re invested a lot, getting back together could be because they don’t want to waste what they put into the relationship.

#4 They’re angry. Anger is usually a common emotion after a breakup. If your ex feels indifference, then that’s a sign they’re over the relationship. But anger shows that they’re not over the breakup; they’re not over you. Although, it doesn’t mean you should get back together. 

#5 They don’t try to reconcile. It doesn’t matter who’s at fault for the breakup, the point is, they don’t push to reconcile. They won’t even bring up the reason why you broke up. If they’re not willing to work on reconciling the relationship, then they’re not ready to be in one. 

#6 They tell you they want you back. But when it comes to committing, they don’t jump right in. This is because they’re unsure about the relationship. They may tell you they want you back, but if they’re not ready to commit, they’re just confused.

#7 They make up reasons to talk to you. Your ex always has an excuse to talk to you. Even though they don’t directly bring up getting back together, they focus on talking about memories or things you like.

#8 They’re dating other people. Even though they’re casually dating others, how can they get back together with you at the same time? If they really wanted to be with you, they wouldn’t be dating other people too.

#9 You’re getting mixed messages. They’ll drop subtle hints about wanting to get back together with you, but then the next day they mention wanting to move on. And every day, it’s something different. The messages you get aren’t clear, if anything, you’re more confused now than you’ve ever been. Well, if you’re confused, they’re confused.

#10 They attempt to make you jealous. Your ex does their best to make you jealous, and sometimes it works. When you confront them on what they do, instead of taking action, they play games. See, they’re not really interested in getting back together with you; they just don’t want your attention to move from them to someone else.

#11 They keep communication open. When someone is ready to move on, they cut ties with their ex, at least, until they’ve moved on. But your ex still lingers around, liking your posts and chatting with you via text. They want to keep the line of communication open, just in case.

#12 They try to publicly humiliate you. When your ex tries to put you down in public, they’re hurting. This isn’t an excuse for their actions. All this shows you is their immaturity and they’re confused with their emotions.

They don’t know how to handle their emotions, so they put their anger onto you. If this happens, it’s a clear red flag.

#13 They tell you they’re confused. If you’ve confronted them about their actions, good for you! If you’re confused, talk to them about it and see how they feel. If they tell you they’re confused, you now know where they stand. And if they’re confused about their feelings for you, then they don’t want to be with you. They just don’t know how to move on.

Now that you know the signs your ex is confused, what do you think? Is your ex really confused or do they genuinely want to get back together with you?

 

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Quarantining Together After A Breakup Doesn’t Have To Be Impossible

The coronavirus pandemic has created tons of uncertainty in people’s lives. It has introduced a whole new way of living, with limited access to life outside the home. Couples cohabitating together are dealing with a fresh set of challenges — and in some cases, the stress of this crisis might even lead to a split. If you find yourself stuck quarantining together after a breakup, it doesn’t have to be a terrible experience. It’s all in how you and your ex choose to navigate the situation.

For whatever reason, you’ve determined that your relationship just can’t survive this chaotic time period. That’s OK, and it’s bound to happen for many other couples, too. “This unprecedented time will test couples greatly and bring underlying issues to the surface,” breakup coach Natalia Juarez tells Elite Daily. “Irrespective of the terrible timing, it will be necessary that people know how to end their relationships in the best and most loving way possible.” Living together in isolation (especially if you moved in together before you were emotionally ready to) may force you to take a closer look at your realistic compatibility, and potentially determine that you’re just not the right fit for each other.

Breaking up in a normal, non-pandemic situation is hard enough, but when you’re quarantining with someone, it gets even trickier. The White House has recommended that people stay home as much as possible and practice social distancing to slow the spread of the virus. This means that moving out isn’t really an option at the moment, or at least, will be extremely difficult (and unsafe) to try and pull off.

Until the social distancing guidelines are lifted, you and your ex may have to find a way to live together. “Breaking up while quarantining together is not ideal, but it may force you to treat each other with more respect and sincerity than is usually done today,” says Chelsea Leigh Trescott, breakup coach and podcast host of Thank You Heartbreak. Experts typically recommend a 90-day no-contact period after a breakup to give you a chance to heal, but if you’re in the same house, you can’t avoid one another entirely. Instead, you’ll need to set ground rules about how you plan to interact.

PeopleImages/E+/Getty Images

If you have a separate bedroom or living space in your home, “moving” into a different location might help you get some mental clarity. “Having some extra space within your existing home could offer the physical and emotional space needed during a breakup,” Juarez says. “Try as best you can to give each other space, and take breaks to go for walks (if you’re allowed) to give the other person time home alone.” Both of you are dealing with a lot right now: the stress of a global public health crisis, economic turmoil, plus a personal heartbreak. It’s only natural that you need some alone time to process.

You’ll also need to decide what your new daily routine will look like. “If you’re living and working together, have open conversations to discuss routines and boundaries,” Juarez says. “Will you still eat meals together, and go for walks, and watch Narcos together?” It’s really up to you about how much time you decide to spend with your ex, but you should be very clear about the boundaries you need to set to move on. “Although it’s uncomfortable, it’s better to over-communicate than under-communicate,” Juarez notes. The more you can talk through your feelings directly, the better you’ll be able to survive this period of cohabitation.

When you’re hurting, you may find yourself wanting to lash out at your ex or be passive aggressive toward them. But the last thing you need during this stressful time of quarantine is a hostile living environment. “Because you’re still living together, you’ll have to ask yourself how you can drop your egos, distance yourself emotionally, and show up in a way that honors both your past, and the courageous decision you’re making to split,” Trescott says. “Ask yourself what your best self would do, and if the tables were turned, how you’d want to be treated.” Even if you feel betrayed, take the high road and treat your ex with kindness.

SDI Productions/E+/Getty Images

Whatever you do (and as hard as it might be), try not to blur the lines between your relationship and your breakup. “If you’re going to break up, be broken up,” Juarez says. It may be tempting to fall back into your regular routines: cuddling, sharing inside jokes, maybe even having sex. This will only make things more difficult for both of you, and it can drag out your healing process indefinitely.

As tough as this situation is, try to reframe it as a chance to end your relationship gracefully and to stay on good terms with your ex. “Quarantining with a partner you’re not in a good place with will be excellent practice for future relationships,” Trescott says. “[There’s] less running, less hiding, more letting go and leaning into the discomfort. These life skills and character development will serve you in quarantine and out of it, too.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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10 Reasons Not To Delete An Ex’s Number

Your relationship (or whatever it was) was sweet … until it wasn’t. It ended with a not-so-clean break, and the aftereffects have lasted longer than the relationship itself. You run into him when you’re out and you immediately fall back into his trap. Texting ensues and soon you’re in another downward spiral that leaves you feeling more bitter than you did in the first place. As your friends will tell you, the solution is clear: delete his number. However, it might not be that simple. Here are 10 reasons not to delete his number from your contact list.

1. He might actually call. You don’t recognize the number, and you answer with an innocent “hello?” It’s him, now you’re stuck on the phone making awkward small talk. The call could have simply been avoided with the “Do Not Answer” button.
2. Emergencies happen. If he was once someone you could count on, chances are he still might be.
3. He texts you. Old habits die hard, and it’s obvious when you’re lying in a text message. “Sorry, who is this? I got a new phone” doesn’t always make the cut. Knowing he’s texting you gives you the freedom not to respond.
4. Why can’t you be friends? Someday (far into the future), after your battle wounds have healed, you might want to keep in touch with this person. After all, you did have some good times together. It would be a shame to lose a potential friend over fights that happened years ago.
5. He could help your career. Remember when he told you about his cousin’s lucrative marketing firm in Chicago? Well, now you’re moving to Chicago, and you need a job. If you have his number and you’re on good terms, he might help you network or make a business contact.
6. He’s entertaining and smart as a whip. You’re the next contestant on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” or in the back of the “Cash Cab,” and you need a lifeline. Your ex could make you money!
7. It’s childish. We’re all mature adults now, right? There are better ways to move on from an old flame, starting with completely forgetting he’s in your address book instead of dwelling on it.
8. To prevent contact. Yes, deleting his name helps you get him out of sight and out of mind, but a glaring “Don’t Do It!” in place of his name is an effective reminder of the bad times, too.
9. For your little black book. You might be done with him, but one person’s trash may be another person’s treasure. He didn’t click with you, but could he work with a friend in the future? Delete his number and you’ll never know.
10. Rekindle an old flame. Maybe, after all the heartbreak, there is still relationship potential. Deleting his number out of spite could hurt you later on.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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You’ll Never Move On From Your Breakup If You Keep Making These 5 Mistakes

Breaking up is hard to do.

We all want to know how to get over a breakup, heal our broken heart, and move on with our lives.

However, there are so many mistakes that people make after a breakup that keeps them from healing and moving on from the heartbreak.

Getting over it ending is not the easiest thing to do. The pain and change that happens quickly after a heartbreaking breakup often throws people off balance so they end up doing things they might not otherwise do.

And those mistakes can cause huge problems both with your ex and your self-esteem.

Trying not to make them will allow the healing to start sooner so that you can get on with your life and be happy.

So, if you want to get over a breakup and heal your broken heart, here are 5 mistakes you need to avoid.

1. Seeking closure

One of the biggest mistakes that people make while getting over a breakup is that they seek “closure”.

While “closure” can be explained away as a final chance to talk about what happened and leave on good terms, closure is just one more chance to spend time with your soon-to-be-ex and, perhaps, talk them into being with you again.

Spending even one more moment dwelling on what happened and begging your person to take you back will backfire. If your person has broken up with you and you convince him to take you back, chances are it will all happen all over again, sooner or later.

Furthermore, prostrating yourself at the feet of your ex and begging him to give you one more chance will only damage your self-esteem.

If someone breaks up with you, seeking closure is only going to drag out the inevitable. So, rant and cry for a bit but then hold your head high and don’t let him know that you are hurting.

2. Extensive snooping

One of the biggest issues with social media is that it wreaks havoc and it’s not helpful when you’re trying to figure out how to get over an ex and move on.

In the old days, when a couple parted ways (unless the circumstances were unusual), they rarely or never saw each other again. They didn’t know the intimate details of each other’s life as they went on with their own.

Now, unfortunately, everything is different. When couples break up these days, part of the breakup means blocking or unfollowing each other on social media. And, unfortunately, this often doesn’t happen fast enough.

I have a client who left her boyfriend because he was a mess. They agreed to “remain friends” and kept up their social media accounts. My client still loved her boyfriend, even though she left him and she found herself drawn to his social media accounts regularly.

This wasn’t an issue in the beginning but once he got a new girlfriend, it became a real problem. She would waste hours stalking him and his new girlfriend on social media, extremely jealous that he seemed to be doing so much better with someone else.

Thinking that some other girl had a better version of him made her crazy and her self-esteem was in the gutter.

And then I reminded her that people only post their best things on social media. They don’t post the fights or the posturing or the doubts. What she was seeing was a curated version of her ex’s relationship. Understanding this allowed her to end her social media connection with him and begin to truly move on.

3. Moving on too quickly

Another huge mistake that people make after a breakup is that they move on too fast.

Yes, your heart is broken and you desperately want to pull the pieces back together again and you think that the best way to do that is to find someone else.

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe that people should get back on the horse quickly after a relationship fail. But, it’s also important to take some time and reflect on what happened.

Jumping into a new relationship before you’ve done so doesn’t automatically mean that you’re getting over someone — it means that you might repeat the same mistakes again.

So, take some time and be alone. It’s important to cry and feel your feelings and process with your girlfriends. Gain some understanding of what happened and make sure that history doesn’t repeat itself.

4. Staying in contact

Have you and your ex agreed to “be friends”? Do you want to set an example for other people that people can break up and remain friends? Good for you but, I’m afraid, it’s mostly impossible to do so.

When people are romantically involved and break up, especially if it’s one-sided, being friends just isn’t possible.

The person who is broken up with will use that friendship as an excuse to stay connected with their person and hope for a reunion. The breaker up could get frustrated with their ex’s clinginess and connection and might push them away or even ghost them.

If you would honestly like to be friends with your ex someday, as I am with many of mine, take some time, first, to get past the end of the relationship and get out into the world.

Staying in contact them now will only serve to slow down your healing.

5. Holding on to what could be

Two things that I hear over and over and over again after a breakup is that they wish that things could be back to the way they were at the beginning — they wish their person could be the person they know they can be.

But, wishing for these things will only drive you bonkers.

The beginning of a relationship is a magical time. Hours are spent sharing your deepest thoughts, your heart races whenever you see them and the chemistry is crazy.

Unfortunately, maintaining the chemically induced excitement of the early part of a relationship is simply impossible.

Even people in long-term, happy relationships no longer have those crazy feelings about each other. Their chemical draw has settled and they move into a more comfortable, loving relationship.

Furthermore, many people hold onto their exes because they focus on what their partner could be.

My client who had to break up with her beau because he was a mess saw the long-term potential in him, especially if she just loved him enough. Unfortunately, holding on to someone because of what they could be will only be an exercise in futility. You can’t save or change someone and trying to will only hurt you more.

So, if you are longing for the early days to return or know your person can change, know that neither will happen and take steps to move on.

People make many mistakes after a breakup so know that you aren’t alone.

Breakups are painful and the need for the pain to go away makes people do things that are not self-serving.

So, if you want to know how to get over someone and heal your broken heart, make every effort to resist seeking closure and extensive snooping, don’t stay in contact or move on too quickly.

And, most importantly, understand that things will never go back to the way there were and you can’t make your person into the person you think they can be.

I know that you want to find love — we all do! If you can avoid making these common mistakes, then you will be able to move on quickly and find the love that you have always been seeking.

You can do it!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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The Only Surefire Way to Get Over an Ex

When relationships end, especially in long-term situations, everyone’s first impulse is to try to salvage the friendship. After all, this person has presumably been a very important pillar in your life for a long time, so the desire to lean on them during a difficult time is understandable—even if your relationship is the cause of said difficult time. While I personally think people who try to be friends with their exes are slightly masochistic, I recognize that plenty of people make it work. Good for them. They are not wrong, and you might one day be one of them. There’s also a contingent of folks who, while not friends with their ex per sé, are friendly with the people they’ve dated. That—for my money—should be your goal. But there can be no polite hugging at a farmers market run-in or texting about this season of World of Dance unless you first cease all communication with your ex for six months.

Why six months? Because I said so. That’s why. But also because six months gives you time to recover, breathe, and rebuild your life without them. I’ll explain.

First and foremost, while you definitely do owe it to your ex-partner to be respectful of them, their family, their copies of Gabriel García Márquez’s short stories and that weird “nightstand” they rescued for you from the street, you do not need to be their friend. Not ever, and certainly not right away. You cannot help your ex do any of the emotional work of getting over you, nor can they help you. It’s like using a knife to clean out a knife wound. No matter how good it’ll feel to talk to this person who has provided you with comfort before, who was—as of perhaps a week ago—your “best friend,” continuing to lean on them for emotional support after the break up will only cause you to fixate on the relationship’s end for far too long.

Is cutting off contact excruciatingly painful? Yes! But this person is categorically not a friend; they’re an ex. So there’s no need to try to shift them into a new position in your life at a breakneck pace. Being around them might even feel like it’s healing, but it’s not. The hair of the dog might help your hangover, but it isn’t exactly sobriety.

Surely you can just ration yourself a bit? Not text them as much? Restrict conversations to emotionally-benign topics like season 3 of The Crown and whether you might take up rollerblading? NO. No you very cannot. Scaling back might work when you’re trying to eat less sugar, but it doesn’t work when you’re both trying to untangle yourselves from the life you had together. You’re going to have to slowly (and probably painfully) rebuild your life brick-by-brick in a new way to fill up the time, support, and fun they used to occupy.

Now, it might seem impossibly cruel to suggest this cold-turkey no-talking period, but it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to say, “I’m breaking up with you; do not speak to me for six months. Shhh. No talking. Shhh. I’m grabbing my things now. Not a word.” That would be sociopathic. Instead, after you’re done with the actual breaking-up part, the hashing and rehashing of what went wrong, the division of books, the recollection of your sweatshirts (optimistically), you can say, “This may seem harsh, but for the sake of making a clean break, I’d like for us to not talk for awhile. I need some space to actually get over this hurt, and I think that if we keep talking, we’ll keep getting caught up in one another.” Do not mention the timeline of six months unless they ask, with extreme desperation, “For how long?!!?” Bringing up a timeline that you’ve already had in mind will likely read as calculated and cold. If they insist, you can say, “Let’s start with six months and see how it goes.” Six months will feel like a lifetime when you’re heartbroken—in fact, it is a lifetime when you’re heartbroken—so you can expect pushback, especially if you’re the dumper. Hold firm. You are not being unreasonable or unkind. You’re setting a boundary that will ultimately help both of you.

And then follow through. If you need to have a friend hold onto their number so that you can delete it off your phone, do that. If you need to mute them on all social media, do that. Dating someone always involves a reshuffle of your life so that there’s room for a Them-sized space in it, and when they leave, you’ve got to fill that space up again with other things, like watching I Think You Should Leave for the fourth time and getting really into natural wines. If you keep talking to your ex, that space they’ve left behind will only be half empty and you’ll never know what you need to fill up. You’ll be stuck in a permanent limbo. So you have to follow the plan. Do not communicate unless it is necessary, perfunctory, or transactional. If you work together: stay professional. If someone’s parent dies: send condolences. If you need your Nintendo Switch stand back: ask for it back. Otherwise, leave them alone.

Who knows! In six months, after the ex ban has been lifted, you may just find that you’re actually doing okay without them; that you don’t need them to fall asleep; that you’ve been better about actually showing up to your friends’ shitty stand-up gigs. You may find that you don’t need them to fold a fitted sheet (you can just not fold it), or amuse you on Gchat during yet another unnecessary work meeting (make a work friend), or to remember to buy paper towels (set a reminder on your phone). Maybe you do check in with them a few weeks after the six months pass—you don’t want to seem too thirsty—and you remember how nice it is to have them as part of your life. Maybe you both slowly tiptoe towards friendship together, realizing that you’re both different people after this time apart-apart.

 

 

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