5 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Respect You

Respect is so often thought of as the key ingredient to a great relationship, but it’s a concept that’s hard to define. When it comes to respect, most of us know when we’ve been disrespected.

What we expect when we ask others to give us respect is harder to define. Respect may mean different things for different people. There’s the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. And then there’s the Platinum Rule. Basically, the Platinum Rule is the ultimate definition of respect: Treat others the way they want to be treated.

In order for someone to treat you the way you want to be treated, you must be very clear about how you want to be treated, or they have to be a mind reader. If you feel disrespected by your partner, be very clear in your communication with them.

When you feel disrespected, say ‘I need you to ____’ and state the new behavior that you would prefer to see instead. For example, you might say ‘I need you to speak to me with less anger in your tone.’

Little research has been done on respect, because until recently, it had not yet been defined as something that could be measured.

Researchers attempting to study respect in relationships created a definition that included the following psychological traits:

* loving

* caring

* understanding

* honesty

* loyalty

* listening openly

* not abusive or judgmental

* considerate

In another study on respect, the same researchers found that respect was so highly correlated with relationship satisfaction that it seemed to resemble the same concept for research participants who were surveyed.

 

1. Your partner tells you what is wrong with you

No one is perfect and you certainly don’t need your partner to keep reminding you of that. It’s hard enough for you to accept your own faults without a reminder.

If you hear this from your partner, it’s a sign that they don’t respect you. Tell them that there’s nothing wrong with you, and although you may make a mistake from time to time, you would prefer to hear about all the positive things that your partner likes about you.

 

2. Your partner doesn’t listen to you

Listening is a basic sign of respect, and both of you should have a chance to listen and speak your minds. When one partner interrupts, talks over, or shows disdain for the other person when they are speaking, communication begins to break down.

Responding to your partner when they speak is essential to a respectful relationship. In a study of mindfulness and relationship conflict, researchers found that being fully present in the moment could help couples to feel more respect for their partner after an argument.

The mindfulness study showed that ‘mindfulness may play an influential role in romantic relationship well-being.’ Try some deep breathing, tighten your abdominal muscles and focus on maintaining emotional control while you work through your problem.

3. Your partner always gets to have things their way

A successful partnership has to be a two-way street. One of you shouldn’t be always getting things their way. Compromise, especially on things that are not your top priorities, is key to a respectful relationship.

When your partner tries to control the relationship and insists on having things their way, it is a sign that they do not respect your needs. Try asserting yourself, especially when it is important to you. If your partner still will not allow you to have things your way, tell them that their behavior is unacceptable to you.

 

4. Your partner disrespects your friends or family

Your partner doesn’t have to love your friends or family like you do, but they do need to treat them respectfully. As a couple, you will be spending time together in the future, and part of your lives together will include family time.

It is important to a healthy, respectful relationship for you and your partner to have a good relationship with each other’s friends and family. Even if you are only civil to each other, respect for your partner’s loved ones is important.

 

5. Your partner is frequently unkind

Respect begins by not causing anyone harm. This includes not hurting feelings intentionally. Everyone is responsible for his or her own words and actions. Intentional name-calling, belittling, angry words, threatening language, or even a judgmental or accusing tone are all ways that your partner might show their disrespect.

 

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Cherie – Chapter 38 – In Bloom

Cherie texts me that she has missed her 6pm train and that’s she’s driving down. That actually buys me some time to take care of some of the things I couldn’t today because of other people’s fuck ups. I spray my bedroom with air freshener, Strip the bed and put fresh sheets on it, and remove all the trash and recyclables from my room. I set the music on Pandora to chill, and make sure there are enough chocolates and candles for tonight’s event.

I start walking towards suburban station to meet her at the train. When I get there at 7pm I text her and ask her when is she getting off the train. She texts me back to remind me that she told me that she’s driving in tonight.

Ahhh…. Well now I won’t see her for an hour because she’s out searching for parking now. And that will take her forever knowing Cherie. So I head south on 17th street and stop in the Rite Aid on Chestnut St. I pick up some laundry detergent pellets that my daughter Lorelei wanted and some razors that I desperately needed.

I decide to just head back to my apartment and chill out and wait for the word from Cherie that the eagle has landed.

I get a text from her telling me she got a spot down at 22nd and Bainbridge. I tell her to head North on 22nd street up to Pine and make a right. (Baby has such a poor sense of direction that telling Cherie to go north, is like telling her to go orange) She just doesn’t get it. But I send her a snapshot of the map and she pulls it together. I head out of the apartment and go west on Pine hoping to meet her halfway. I do and when I see her I’m very happy.

It’s been three weeks and Cherie seems a bit quiet. I ask her if she’s okay and she says she is. Just the usual life stresses she always has. I wish her a happy 8 month anniversary, and tell her how pleased I am with how things are going. We get to the house. The day has been a long, hot grind already. I tell her I’m going to take a quick shower to clean up and cool off. I turn on the air conditioner and the music for her. She flops back on the bed to rest.

I’m so happy to be taking this shower. It’ll give me a chance to freshen up before I hop in bed with Cherie. I was in such a rush to get to the salon this morning I didn’t have a chance to shave or do any manscaping. It’s been three weeks since I’ve seen her and I need to keep the instrument in top shape.

I come out in my robe and get on the bed with her. I notice that she’s being a bit coy with me. leading up to today she’s always saying how horny she is and how she can’t wait to tear me apart. But at the moment she’s playing like she’s not that interested. I decide to take matters into my own hands.

I start kissing and caressing her. She starts to come around. I go to work on her to get her warmed up and it works beautifully. She starts like a brand new car.

After our joyous activity that goes on until 11:30pm she laughs and apologizes for being a bit aloof earlier. She was just being a baby because she hadn’t seen me in a while and was frustrated.

Well I pounded that frustration right out of her and Cherie loved every inch of it.

Have I gone too far with my words? This is a dating blog, not a sex blog. But how I wish I could describe in graphic detail how amazing sex is with Cherie. It,s an absolute delight.

We fall asleep around midnight, and all is right with the world.

Cherie gets up around 3am to go to the bathroom. When she returns she reaches over and gently coaxes me awake and then to arousal. We go for another round of mind bending sex. We finally settle down around 4am and go back to sleep. I know she said she had to be on the road by 8:30am so I set the alarm for 6:30.

 

The next morning she said she doesn’t HAVE to be on the road by 8:30, so I let her sleep in and I take a shower. It’s been a delightful night. I wish we had more time so we could go out and do things together more, but if this is the way it is right now, so be it. It’s cheap and super fun.

Gents… wouldn’t you like to know that once or twice a month some hot girl is going to stop by your house and bang the hell out of you and then get off the property?

Damn straight you would.

When we’re up and ready I decide to take her to Honey’s Sit n’ Eat at 21st and South. It’s a great breakfast spot. The food is fresh and delicious, the staff is nice, but it’s a little pricey. The place couldn’t be more perfect. It’s literally two blocks from where her car’s parked and we get a table immediately.

I will say this though. When we entered, I walked up to the counter. The hostess wasn’t there yet. I’m there and Cherie is just a step behind me. There is no one else standing there. Just us two. The hostess arrives and says hello. I say:

“Table for two.”

“Has your other party arrived yet?”

I turn around to Cherie and say: “Yea. She’s right here.”

“Come with me.”

What the fuck? Is it because there is no way a middle-aged, white gentleman coming into this breakfast nook couldn’t possibly be with this visibly younger, attractive black girl?

What the fuck? I talked to Cherie about this later, and told her how appalled I was by the stupid hostess’ ignorance. She said, if she didn’t have to be on the road back home in and hour she would have simply said: “Let’s go.”

What the hostess did, felt a little racist. I know everybody’s sensitive nowadays, but I’m very aware of that shit now that I’m with a black chick. They have it rough in this world. Shit’s not fair. And there is no white person in this country that can say they know what’s it’s like to be born black in America.

But to end this on a positive note, the breakfast was amazing. Baby’s belly was full. I was satisfied and ready to go work at the salon, and I got her to her car safely and off she went.

I’ll see her when I see her. (As my father used to say)

 

 

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