5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries That Actually Draw Men Closer To You

Keep that romance alive.

Healthy relationship boundaries are important to keeping every relationship alive and full of spark but they are something that are not often part of relationship building.

Healthy boundaries come in many shapes and sizes, depending on the couple, but there are 5 basic boundaries that should exist in every relationship:

1. It is important to spend time apart.

When they fall in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from, even for a short while

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. When you can’t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds, do you miss your ice cream? It’s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

2. Don’t let either of you be in charge.

In many relationships, it happens that, at some point, one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately, the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven, a relationship changes.

So make an effort to keep the decision-making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him the opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Not letting either one of you be in charge is important. And it leads to number 3.

3. Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying “familiarity breeds contempt” is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each others’ behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it’s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven’t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends way more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn’t do our relationship any good because we weren’t communicating and giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

4. Keep the personal hygiene stuff personal.

Um, so, what do I mean by this? Personal hygiene stuff?

I want you to think about what things you do around your partner. Are you willing to brush your teeth? To floss them after? To put on your makeup? To wear a face mask to bed? To pee as needed?

All of those things are, of course, necessary parts of life. And when we get familiar with our partners we are okay with doing them in front of them.

But I would suggest keeping personal hygiene stuff personal because doing those things in front of them can demystify you in the eyes of your partner.

I don’t mean that if your partner sees you doing those everyday things he will love you any less but if he doesn’t see you doing those things, then you will continue to be that somewhat mysterious woman he fell in love with.

So do your bathroom chores by yourself. Keep that mystery and the romance, going.

5. Be your own person outside of the relationship.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves. Many women take on their partner’s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is very important that all women stay themselves when in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. A healthy relationship requires it.

Every relationship needs healthy relationship boundaries to keep the romance going.

Most couples don’t put thought into boundaries until things start to go wrong. Don’t be that couple. Set boundaries ahead of time so that you can stay on a positive track as you move forward together.

So spend time apart, share the power, treat each other with respect, keep personal hygiene personal and stay yourself. All of those things will lead to the healthy romantic relationship you have always longed for.

 

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Lisa – Cuts Like A Knife

This was a few years back, but it just popped back into my mind.

One night I was at a bar with a group of friends. We were hanging out like usual, when this woman walks in. My friend jumps up and says, “Oh! Hey! Lisa! Holy shit, I haven’t seen you in years!”

She comes over, and she and my friend catch up, then she joins us at our table. Throughout the night, I couldn’t keep my mind off of how she had these incredible blue eyes. It turns out, I noticed them so much because she kept them on me all night. This girl is cool as hell. I’m really enjoying just talking to her, and there’s some light flirting. As our group thins out, we switch to a smaller table. She sits next to me. As the other two people leave, it’s just us.

Then it’s the end of the night. This never works for me, but I thought, what the hell? I invite her back to my place. She says that’d be great. Long story short, we get to my place, and we waste no time hooking up. I tell her she can crash at my place if she wants. She says she’ll take a cab back to get her car, but she leaves me her number and says, “This needs to happen again. Soon.”

Okay, this works for me! I’m a single dude, and I don’t have any irons in the fire. This situation winds up repeating itself 2-3 times a month for about 4 months. One of us hits the other up, we wind up at my place, we hook up, she heads out and wishes me a good night.

Finally, one night, we’re laying there after it’s all said and done, and she says, “This is nice. I really like this.” Then, she snuggles into me.

So I think to myself: She’s super cool. I could totally see us being something more than just hooking up a few times a month. So I ask what she means by “this”. She waves her hand in a circle. She says, “This, all of this, you.” Then, she curls into me even more. I say, “Well, this could become more if you want it to.” She says that sounds nice, and falls asleep on me.

Morning comes. She’s up and showering. She says she’s got to be somewhere early. She gives me a kiss, and she heads out.

 

I quit hearing from her.

 

She doesn’t respond to my texts. Her Facebook profile goes dark. I don’t know if she’s ghosting on me, or what. Did I scare her off? Did she change her mind? I mean, I didn’t bring up things getting more serious until she seemed like she wanted that.

After about a month or two of not hearing from her, I write her off, and I get on with my life. I wasn’t too torn up by her not being around after my friend tells me that she’s done this before in the past with other guys.

Fast forward 2 years. I get a text from a number I don’t recognize.

It’s Lisa. She’s asking how I’m doing. She’s asking if I’m seeing anybody. As it happened, I wasn’t. Then she says:

“I miss all of our time together. We should hang out soon.”

I respond with a resounding yes. After all, she was really cool. But, I decide to myself that I’m going to come into the whole thing expecting her to ghost again, so I’m just going to take things at face value, nothing more. She offers to swing by in a couple of days.

A couple of days later, she shows up. Instead of hanging out on the couch, we hang out in my dining room and kitchen while having a few drinks. After about an hour of that, she says she needs to go get some stuff from her car. I’m a bit confused, but I’m like… okay, whatever you’ve gotta do.

I see her pull a duffel bag out of her trunk. I think… Wow, did she pack an overnight bag or something? Guess it’s on tonight!

She takes the bag and sets it on the dining room table. It makes a clinking noise like she’s just set down a bag of silverware. She says, “There’s something I want to show you.”

She unzips the bag, and the first thing I see is a cardboard box with the word CUTCO on it.

…You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

A friend of mine nearly sold CUTCO knives years ago, before she realized it was such a scummy company to work for. I politely sit there while she goes through the whole pitch: watch the knife cut a beer can, a piece of thick rope. Watch the scissors cut a penny. Then she asks if I’d be interested in buying any.

I tell her, truthfully, that I just bought a new knife set. She has the nerve to ask if I could return that set and use the money to buy a CUTCO set. I tell her I’m happy with my knife set. Then I make up some story about forgetting that I was supposed to go to a buddy’s rock show that night, and I needed to get ready.

She packed up her stuff, gave me a hug, and said she’d text me later. I never got another text from her.

Fast forward to about 4-5 months ago, I see she’s married and has a kid. Good for her, I guess. But, I still think it was pretty sketchy of her to bring up our past history of hooking up to use that as a way to slide in and sell me some cutlery.

Man, did she have some crazy blue eyes, though.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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