11 Common Lies Husbands Tell Their Wives

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Racquel Writes! 5 Lessons I Learned from my Divorce

via 5 Lessons I Learned from my Divorce

 

http://www.racquelwrites.com

 

 

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Things some Wives are Doing That Destroys Their Marriage

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Men and Their Mommies: How the Mother Son Relationship Can Contribute to Divorce

Here’s another female follower of mine that wanted to contibute to my blog, so I decided to take the rest of the day off and let her have this one.

Enjoy!

The mother son relationship is really complicated. I know this because I have an ex-husband, a dad, a brother and a son.

There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who adores his mom, treats her well, treats her with respect and goes out of his way to help her.

There is also nothing more unattractive to a woman than a man who can’t stand up to his mother, who let’s his mom control him, who fears his mother and who puts his mommy first (in front of his girlfriend or wife.)

I think there are many, many men who don’t know what kind of relationship to have with their mom once they get a girlfriend or get married. And a lot of times, the mother son relationship has a huge effect on the marriage, to the point of divorce in some cases.

So much of the mother son relationship stems from childhood, and circumstances that might have happened. For example, maybe the guy’s dad left when he was just a little boy, and he was all his mother had. Or maybe his father died, and the man has always felt sad for his mom and tried to compensate for his dad not being there. Maybe the guy’s dad treated his mom like crap and the guy feels like he needs to pick up the slack.

While all of these scenarios are heartfelt and while I can understand a guy’s need to treat his mother like gold, there are differences between healthy and unhealthy mother son relationships. Here are 3.

1. Obligation Versus Choice:

Unhealthy: The son always feels obligated to see his mom and put her first in front of his plans. In other words, he will drop anything if she calls because he feels some kind of guilt. This causes huge problems with his girlfriend/wife.

Healthy: The son WANTS to see his mother, and if she happens to call and ask to get together when he already has plans — say a date, he tells her he will instead meet her for breakfast the next morning. When he meets her, he might bring her flowers or just give her a huge hug and say, “Mom, I know you already know this, but I really really love you a lot.”

2. Fear Versus Honesty:

Unhealthy: The guy always fears that his mother will be angry with him or not speak to him if he disappoints her and doesn’t do everything she asks. A wife or girlfriend will get frustrated by this and it will surely cause tension in their relationship.

Healthy: The guy doesn’t fear the person who is supposed to love him unconditionally, and who understands that there is no son in history who didn’t disappoint his mother at one time or another during a lifetime. Instead, if he has to say or do something he knows will upset his mother, he sucks it up and is honest about it because he knows his mother will eventually get over it.

3. Annoyance Versus Happiness:

Unhealthy: The guy who fears his mother tends to resent her (but won’t even let himself realize that). That emotion then turns into annoyance with her, which then turns into his guilt for feeling annoyed by his own mother. Because of this annoyance, he will then become annoyed with his wife/girlfriend, completely unaware of it!

Healthy: A guy who has a great relationship with his mother gets joy out of seeing her EVERY time they get together. He cherishes the time, they laugh together, maybe reminisce and have heartfelt talks.

Here’s the thing. I’m a mom, and when my son grows up, meets a woman, brings her home and marries her, I am really going to try to understand that he is madly in love with her, and that he will put her above me a lot of times. And that is how it should be! And any mother who doesn’t see it that way is just plain selfish! Sure, it might be hard, and your feelings might get a little hurt at times, but that NORMAL!

The last thing I will say is something I always tell women. “How your man treats his mother is how he is going to treat you.”

I will never forget being on a date with a guy who (I promise I’m not making this up) was referring to his mom as a “stupid idiot.” I couldn’t get out of the car fast enough when he dropped me off, and I never saw the guy again.

If a guy fears his mom and then resents her, he will do that to the person he marries, even subconsciously.

All men should treat their moms with kindness, respect and gratitude. That’s a given. But he should do that because he WANTS to do that, not because the mom expects it. No mom is perfect, but men should do the best they can to try to have the best relationship they possibly can with their mom, AND to facilitate the best relationship between their mom and their girlfriend or wife.

THAT is how women feel about men and their mommies!

 

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My Husband Has Admitted To Having Feelings For A Woman At Work, But Says He Still Loves Me. Should I Worry?

Here’s a post from on of my female followers. I thought it was worth sharing.

If I had to name the most common place where infidelity happens, it would be at the work place. I would say that the vast majority of the correspondence that I get about cheating and affairs happen in a work place setting. And I often hear from people who are concerned about a relationship that they see forming at their spouse’s job.

I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I had a strong suspicion that my husband was developing feelings for a woman at his work every time I saw the two of them together. I also couldn’t help but notice that he constantly talked about her and often mentioned them having lunch together, sometimes without others present. When I confronted him about this, at first he denied that anything was wrong. He said that they were just colleagues who had a lot of projects together. But later, I found some texts from her that were very flirty in nature. So, once again, I confronted him and he continued to deny everything. But this time, I continued to press him and eventually, he broke down and admitted that he had “strong romantic feelings” for this woman, but insisted that he still loved me and was committed to our marriage and therefore, would never act on his feelings. My husband has never lied to me, so I want to believe him. But in the back of my mind, I wonder if I should be worried about this. It’s not a good sign when your husband admits to having romantic feelings for someone else. So what should I do about this? Am I right to worry?”

I believe that the wife was right to feel concerned. From all of the correspondence that I get that outline affairs (even only emotional ones) at work, I can tell you that feelings that aren’t even acted upon can absolutely seriously harm your marriage. Not only that, but it’s not at all uncommon for people to eventually act upon these feelings even when they never intended to do so. And finally, sometimes people will insist that they only have feelings, when in fact they are trying to spare the feelings of their spouse by denying an affair (emotional or physical) that actually does exist.

Sometimes when I share my feelings on this, I’m accused of being paranoid or distrustful. But, I think that I’d rather someone be paranoid but proactive than being trusting but later very sorry when they’re trying to recover from full-fledged infidelity. It’s easier to prevent an affair than to recover from one, in my experience and opinion.

What To Do When Your Husband Admits To Having Feelings For Someone Else, But Denies Acting On These Feelings: This is only my opinion from my own experience, but I believe that just sitting back and hoping for the best is a mistake that I see happening over and over again. You can still make every attempt to believe and trust your spouse while being proactive about saving and safe guarding your marriage. When your husband has admitted to feeling romantic and loving toward someone else (who he sees and interacts with on a close and personal level every day,) then my feeling is that you are justified in taking action.

One suggestion might be to see if your husband can stop having to work so closely with her. Can he transfer, move to another department or partner with someone else? This may sound drastic, but again it’s usually much easier to prevent infidelity than the heal or recover from it. And, if you get resistance from your husband, then this will give you some important clues as to how he really feels and how invested he is in any close relationship with her.

Another thing that you will want to consider is strengthening and safe guarding your marriage. You want to make sure that things are very good at home so that he won’t have any reason to lament his marriage or talk about what it lacks with this other woman. You want to make it so that the two of you are as connected as you can possibly be. And, it’s certainly not a bad idea to swing by and have lunch with him as much as you possibly can. After all, when he’s having lunch with you, he won’t be meeting with her and she will see that your marriage is his reality and that it is solid and still very much in tact.

You also might want to look at where your marriage is vulnerable. Many women will deny that there are issues or problems, but I would argue that if your husband is developing feelings for someone else, then there are likely issues somewhere. There are likely vulnerabilities that you may not have considered or noticed, but which are most certainly coming into play. And again, if your husband is resistant to exploring these issues to strengthen your marriage, this might be indicative or what is truly going on with him and how deep his commitment really is to her or to you and your marriage. Because men will sometimes say words of reassurance, only to lack the actions to follow them through in the end.

This is not always the case, of course. Sometimes, a husband will do exactly what you’ve asked of him and the relationship or feelings for the other woman will fizzle out once you prioritize your marriage. However, to answer the question posed, yes, I do feel that there are plenty of reasons to worry, be concerned, or at least pay attention when your husband admits having feelings for someone else, even if he swears he’d never act on them. In my view, it’s better to be concerned and to take swift action than to vow not to worry, only to regret it later.

I know from experience that it’s easier to strengthen your marriage than it is to recover from an affair. My husband was unfaithful during the course of his job and I just didn’t see it coming. Since you have a warning and a head’s up, you don’t need to allow this to happen to you.

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

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13 Definite Signs She’s A Wife Material And You Should Keep Her

I used to say that there is nothing like wife material.

But then in this life we are all in a certain group where we have been categorized. We have been put into different categories because of our characteristics and that is how we choose our friends and even fall in love with our partners. It is these categories that help us know who is who and this is also where wife materials come in. These are women not girls, women that are fit to take care of a family and understand that being a woman who is able to love and take care of her future husband is not bad but precious and important.

1. She knows how to cook.

It may not seem important but food is important and good food is everything. A lady who can’t cook is not someone who can be able to set high standards even for a house help. She should be innovative with her food because you can’t always eat out.

 

2. She’s independent and ambitious.

She knows what she wants and she goes for it.

 

3. She doesn’t live in bars and clubs.

Yes, she may go out once in a while but this is not the center of her life. She is determined to use her time wisely in things like reading or investing in other hobbies.

 

4. She knows how to dress for every occasion.

She knows that she cannot dress skimpy in front of your family and she knows how to dress sexily for you as well.

 

5. She gets along with both your family and friends.

Because those are the people she will need to get along with for the rest of your lives. She may not like them but she is wise enough to be cordial with them for the sake of peace in your relationship.

 

6. She actually cares about how you spend your money.

She doesn’t urge you to buy the most expensive shoes or clothes. She encourages you to spend wisely and even has tips on how to do so.

 

7. She tries to help you overcome your imperfections.

She understands that you’re an imperfect human being and that she may not fix you but she encourages you to do better.

 

8. She is thankful and appreciative.

Instead of complaining all the time, she appreciates you when you deserve it and she does not let her ego get in the way of loving you.

 

9. She doesn’t tolerate nonsense but she is not a drama queen.

She can call you out and she is not a pushover. She is the kind of person who will tell you when you’re wrong and is not afraid to air our her opinions, you also know she will eventually walk away if you take her for granted.

 

10. She is responsible with her finances.

She pays her bills and plans ahead of time. This is the kind of woman who will probably have a savings account for a rainy day.

 

11. You have similar interests.

You both like similar things and she also accepts the differences. For example if you’re watching football she doesn’t try to make you hate it she finds something else to do at that time.

 

12. You have been together for a while and you want to marry her.

You actually know that she fits your standards.

 

13. She is your ride or die.

You know she will be there through the thick and thin.

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Brad Pitt’s Powerful Marriage Advice Will Melt Your Heart

Brad Pitt’s Powerful Marriage Advice Will Melt Your Heart

Speaking from the height of his experience, Brad Pitt offers you several powerful tips on how to build a strong marriage, and always keep the flame of love and passion alive. Sadly, his marriage ended. After 11 years of happy (or we only thought so) life with Angelina Jolie, something went wrong. What exactly? Now you can find out and don’t make the same mistakes!

Here are 18 tips from a man who has been married and knows what he is talking about.

“Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. I would have done differently… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 11 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had:

1.Never stop taking care of your wife.

Never take her presence in your life for granted. You have received the heart of your wife as a gift from life. This is the most valuable treasure that someone could entrust to you. Take care of your wife’s heart. It caresses her love. Do not be lazy when it comes to showing your feelings to your beloved.

2.Protect your own heart.

Love yourself too, accept life as it is. Leave a place in the heart where nobody can access except your wife. Let that intimate corner belong to her alone.

3.Fall in love with your wife again and again.

Inevitably both of you will change eventually. You will not be the same ones who fell in love ten years ago. Hence, you will have to fall in love again with each other.

She has no obligation to stay with you forever. If you ignore her, she will give her heart to someone else. You will lose it forever. Look at it as if it were your first date!

4.Focus on her best qualities.

Do not concentrate on her flaws. Pay more attention to her virtues, so that your love does not fade away. Remember: you are a happy man if you have a wife like her.

5.Do not try to change her!

Love her for what she is. Even if she changes, try to love her new personality, whether you like it or not.

6.Take responsibility…

…for the state of mind in which you find yourself. Being happy is not just her job. You must also make an effort to make sure that you are full of happiness, joy, and love.\

7.Never accuse your wife if…

You are angry or upset with her. They are YOUR emotions and YOUR responsibility. You chose this woman because you have to go through certain life lessons with her and solve scenarios that will help you heal.

8.Just stay with her.

When you are sad or upset, your task is to SUPPORT her, to let her know that everything is alright, that you listen to her, that you are a shoulder that she can always lean on.

The soul of a woman is a storehouse of emotions that are modified by the slightest blow of the wind. Stay unwavering and strong, do not judge her, and do not try to solve her problem, just stay close. Then she will trust you and open her soul…

9.Do not be so serious or hard.

Laugh more often, not just to other people’s jokes, but to yourself as well. Make her laugh as laughter can facilitate the solving of any kind of problem.

Study the personality of your woman: ask her to make a list of the 10 THINGS that make her feel loved. Remember these things and consult this list in your daily life. The crucial thing is to let her feel like a queen.

10.Give her enough attention.

When you are with her, do not think about anything else. Treat her as your client, your passenger, and your most valuable friend.

11.Do not be an idiot.

You will make many mistakes. It is important that you both learn and not repeat them in the future. Of course, you’re not a perfect man, just try not to disappoint her so often.

12.She must have her own space.

A woman gives everything without resting in relationships, marriage, and children. So she needs time and a little personal space to regain her strength. After a good rest and time alone with herself, she will return with even more energy and inspiration.

13.Be open about your vulnerability…

Prepare to share your fears and feelings with your wife, learn to admit your own mistakes.

14.Always be honest with her!

If you want to earn your wife’s trust, be ready to share EVERYTHING with her… Especially that which you have been hiding for a long time. It takes a lot of courage to fully open your heart to your loved one and let her look in the most hidden places.

Show this courage and she will love you even more for it. Take off that mask, otherwise, you will never experience love completely.

15.Grow with your wife!

Under a still stone, the water does not flow. Your muscles atrophy if you do not use them. The same goes for relationships if you do not work on them. Find your goals and get close to them with your beloved.

16.Do not worry too much about money.

Money comes and goes. Remember: you play on the same team. They do not have to face each other. To win, combine your strength and do not compete for the final prize.

17.Do not keep resentments inside of you.

Do not let the past influence your future. Do not be a hostage of resentment and past mistakes. Do not carry this burden with yourself. It will not let you advance, it can only block you from maturing. Also, do not hold any negative feelings, always choose love before anything else.

18.Always choose love!

After all, this is the only advice you really have to learn. Nothing will threaten your happiness if you adhere to this principle.

Marriage is not a happy ending, but the beginning of hard work. Marriage is life itself, with all its ups and downs. Every day you need to fall in love again, keep building your relationship, brick by brick.

Do you have anything to add to this list? Do you share Brad Pitt’s opinion on marriage?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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