How To Survive Marriage Without Intimacy: Exactly How To Deal With No Intimacy In Marriage – Part 2

Pay Close Attention Here-

Now listen carefully! Take 2 minutes to read the next page and you’ll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were – in love, committed and excited about the future – within a few days guaranteed.

You may be looking to save your marriage and simply do not know where to start. The one thing that you know is that you want to keep your husband, and get the best of happiness and love with him, and from him as well.

Here are a few tips that will help you save your relationship and get your husband on the same page as you towards a happy marriage.

1) Do things together. You can make chores such as shopping for groceries and hardware seem like a joy-ride just by deciding to enjoy that given time with your husband. When you make the conscious decision to take on responsibilities with a friendly and light-hearted disposition, your husband will want to unwind with you as well. Treat everyday tasks like absolute necessities that must be taken care of, and you will see yourself being done with them earlier, giving you more time with your spouse.

2) Do something new. Pick a new sport, hobby, social cause, or even jogging route and make it a point to do what you enjoy the first thing in the morning. This may mean that you have to wake up earlier than you usually do, or go to bed before anyone else does at night. The sheer newness of the routine and the excitement of doing something you enjoy the first thing in the morning will give you the power surge for the rest of the day. Positive energy spreads faster than negative vibes, and the favorable impact of doing something for yourself will prove contagious for your husband, since you will be filled with new things to talk about and also have a diverse outlook on your everyday routine. If you want to give your marriage a breath of fresh air, you must start by taking one yourself!

3) Be happy or be right. You must decide what matters to you more from this day forth in your marriage. Being right in an argument may risk your husband’s feelings or self esteem. Having the last word holds a short-lived satisfaction that is nominal compared to the journey of sentiments and achievements that you share with your spouse. You will find it easier to give in to a winding conversation with a smile, and your husband will appreciate your regard for his word as well.

Find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you’ve always wanted… even if your spouse doesn’t want to!

Jack is an example of doing everything wrong in a marriage.

He was always late whenever he and his wife went somewhere. He would forget his wife’s birthday, and even their anniversary. He simply gave the impression that he did not care. Then he wondered why his wife would get upset with him.

Jack missed an important principle for a successful marriage. Now this is the principle Jack missed year after year. Jack failed to understand that a successful marriage means attention to the details. What are the details that Jack missed? The details that communicate that I love you and care about you.

1. If you love someone then you know their likes and dislikes. A person who knows me knows that I do not like rock music. They know that I like classical music. They know that I especially like brass band music, and they know that I like jazz from time to time. My wife would never give me tickets to a rock concert for my birthday. She knows my likes and dislikes.

What if your spouse already left you? Here’s how to get them back.

2. If you love someone then you know your spouse’s special days. Perhaps you do not have a lot of money. But at least you can remember your spouse’s birthday. Now this is what you want to communicate on your spouse’s special day. “I am glad you are here, and I am glad we are together.”

3. If you love someone then you know their needs. It would be a terrible thing if a man had a serious health problem, but his wife always cooked meals that made his health worse. Such actions communicate a lack of concern for someone’s special needs.

4. If you love someone then you take time to be with them. As you talk you do not constantly check your email. You put everything aside. You give them your full attention to your spouse. You listen deeply to their concerns, and you listen to how they feel.

A person with a successful marriage does not do everything perfect. But they pay attention to the details. They pay attention to the details their spouse is concern about. They identify those concerns, and they remember those concerns. They want to make sure their spouse knows that they are concern about the details of life.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by.

Are you looking for relationship breakdown advice? If so, you have come to the right place. First off, if you are experiencing problems with your relationship, know that you are not alone. There are millions of couples around the world that are having difficulties within their relationship. Also, know that repairing your relationship is not out of reach. Although relationships do not heal themselves overnight, they can heal if you are willing to work at them.

If you are involved in a relationship that is failing, you know how painful the experience can be. Separating from your partner can be extremely devastating, often reaching the same level of hurt as losing a loved one. Broken relationships can cause a wide variety of negative emotions including confusion, depression, anger, and hopelessness. If you are experiencing feelings of hopelessness, let them go. There is hope. If you are willing to work at your relationship, it is not doomed to fail. With hard work and time, any relationship can be rebuilt.

What if your spouse don’t love you anymore? Here’s how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time.

The first step in healing your relationship is understanding why it is failing in the first place. There are many reasons that a relationship can result in failure. Most of the time, however, a relationship begins to fail because one partner is not getting everything that they need from the other partner. Many times, these needs are not even communicated and the other partner does not even realize that anything is wrong. The problem, therefore, is ignored and eventually becomes magnified to the point where it begins destroying the relationship.

It is only once you have determined the cause of your relationship failure that you can begin to heal the relationship. If you don’t know where to begin in understanding your relationship problems, there are many programs available to help guide you. Relationship programs will give you the information that you and your partner need to help you gain the understanding of where your relationship went wrong. A good program will not only get you communicating problems with your partner in an efficient manner, but will also provide you with relationship breakdown advice and with techniques that you can use to rebuild your relationship. Begin your search for a relationship rebuilding program today and begin looking at your spouse the same way you did on your wedding day!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don’t have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How To Survive Marriage Without Intimacy: Exactly How To Deal With No Intimacy In Marriage – Part 1

Completely sexless and touch less! No kiss, no hug, no holding hands! Feelings of rejection, low esteem, anger, frustration, and resentment and desperation are overwhelming! Very depressed! Want out! Thinking of extramarital sex, separation, divorce!

Starting out as a happy couple, passionately in love and having sex every other day anytime, anywhere, you have now become just miserable roommates or even worse, housemates – sleeping in separate bedrooms. After a couple of years, the feeling of euphoria which at the start seemed endless starts to diminish and the relationship takes a downward turn. From passionate steamy sex, then to occasional “duty sex” (with the “just do it and get it over with” attitude) and until sex completely vanishes from your marriage. Even hugs, kisses and holding hands disappear! You are now living in a sexless marriage!

Statistics indicate that there are millions of husbands and wives who are living in sexless marriages and surprisingly, rather than going to a marriage counselor, more and more are joining online forums confessing their troubled relationships and miserable sex lives and seeking for help, advice, and support. Sexless marriage is increasingly becoming a very hot topic in these online forums. Check out one of these forums and you will discover that you are definitely not alone!

Definition of Sexless Marriage

The experts define sexless marriage as having sex less than 10 times a year. I personally do not subscribe to this definition. A couple can have sex 9 times in a year or less and still have a happy marriage. It is a very subjective matter. It depends on the individual couple, what level of intimacy they feel contented with. There is no fix dosage to have a happy sex life. I would rather take the word literally – meaning no sex at all – and alarmingly, there a millions of couples who are living in marriages completely devoid of sex, and even touch!

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

Root Cause of Your Sexless Marriage

Why did your marriage turn from “sex filled” to “sexless” after a couple of years? What is the root cause? To fix your sexless marriage, it is important to find out and understand the root cause. Your or your partner’s lack of sexual desire is just a symptom of much deeper problem built up over time. Your sexless marriage did not happen overnight. Stop blaming each other and jumping into any conclusion. It is not the lack of love or infidelity. Your spouse is not cheating on you. In fact he or she is suffering in silence to save your marriage.

The root cause of your sexless marriage is – the breakdown of your intimate relationship. Yes, your sexless marriage is the result of the loss of intimacy between you and your spouse! Intimacy leads to mutually pleasurable sex and good sex strengthens the emotional connection, bonding and partnership so vital in a happy marriage. Sex does not precede intimacy. Without intimacy there can be no meaningful sex. That is the simple truth!

The loss of intimacy between you and your spouse can be caused by any or all of the following:

– Hectic lifestyle. You and your spouse work yourselves to death and you come home both dead tired leaving no
time at all to enjoy each other’s company. More often than not, you get into each other’s nerve and end up arguing over very trivial matters before hitting the sack.

– Money. Financial problems can be very stressful and cause either you or your partner to lose sight of more
important aspects of your married life.

– Children. Your wife is so focused on being a mother and is most often fatigued and sleep deprived. Sleep becomes
her main concern every night!

– Unresolved misunderstandings. Past faults not forgotten and forgiven.

– Lack of communication. The ability to express and convey your feeling, emotions and thoughts as well as to
absorb your spouse’s feelings, emotions and thoughts. Communication is a two way street. Not only must you be a good talker but more important, you must be a good listener!

Knowing the root cause of your sexless marriage, you must act fast to address it before it leads to more serious scenarios like infidelity, separation or divorce and even domestic violence. It is extremely tough to survive a sexless marriage, of being rejected and ignored sexually.

What if your spouse don’t love you anymore? Here’s how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Practical Steps to Fix Your Sexless Marriage

Here are some practical steps you can take to restore the intimacy you once had with your spouse and revive your super steamy sex life:

1. Take the first step and re-establish a good line of communication with your spouse. The repair work must be a joint effort. Talk and listen! Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and look at the problem from his or her point of view. Convey this to your spouse with humility and surely he or she will most likely reciprocate.

2. Take time out of your busy schedules and daily routine. Ideally, you should both take a few days off from work and have that much needed vacation. But even just one day would be sufficient. Or even just dining out or going to the movies together would greatly help to restore your lost intimacy. The important thing is frequency, at least once week. Just the two of you, no kids, no friends, no family.

3. Every now and then surprise your spouse with a tender hug, a quick kiss or any kind of tender loving touch.

4. You may even need to start from square one and again woo your spouse just like the first time you felt attracted to him or her. As they say, love is lovelier the second time around (indeed, it is!). So, try to fall in love all over again.

5. Before going to bed, take a warm bath and take extra measure to look and smell good.

If your take these practical steps, intimacy, romance and passion will slowly come back to your marriage and then, guess what – great sex! Your sexless marriage if fixed! Your marriage saved! Congratulations!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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What I Learned About My Husband That Ruined Our Five Year Marriage

Another one from one of my female followers!

It was gradual at first, one red flag, then two.

We were the picture-perfect couple, so bright and shiny on the outside, the ones everyone wanted to be like.

It looked like we had it all, the car, the home, the life. He was the successful sports person, overcoming feats no one thought possible and I was the rock that stood beside him. The one who was always there, supporting him, praising him. But behind closed doors, things are not always what they seem.

I thought he was the love of my life, till death do us part, through sickness and in health. We said these vows in front of hundreds of our friends and family. I thought we would travel the world, have children, support each other as we built our empire. How little did I know that once I had served my purpose I would get kicked to the curb and replaced by a newer version that could give him the next leg up in life.

My world came crashing down two years ago today. I thought the man I had married was kind, caring, generous, selfless. However, this was all a rouse, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with what has happened and what I endured over the almost five years of our marriage.

It all started when I was 18, the world was my oyster, I had a great job, lots of friends, a loving supportive family and was having the time of my life. Then I met him. He swept me off my feet, filled me with compliments, showered me with gifts and affection, made me feel safe and loved. Our whirlwind romance continued for the next 18 months when we got engaged. He pulled out all the stops. I felt like the luckiest woman alive. Our wedding then followed, an extravagant affair, the party of the year. 300 of our closest family and friends laughed, danced and drank the night away. There were emotional speeches, and an endless array of kisses and laughter and to top it off I was spoilt with my own fireworks display (lucky right!). We were going to have the greatest love story ever. I was on an emotional high that felt like a drug cocktail as potent as cocaine, heroin, and ecstasy, all rolled into one dose.

Over the next few years we traveled, moved, built houses, bought cars and he continued to thrive and flourish in his sporting career. Everyone thought we were perfect. I, on the other hand, was living in a state of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness.

It was only gradual at first, one red flag, then two. The love-bombing and idealization phase of our relationship was over. The gaslighting and devaluation had begun.

He had started to withdraw, sometimes affection sometimes compliments, but mainly time (which he knew was a trigger for me). He would start to blame me, we would fight, he would get nasty, say things he knew would cut deep. He would accuse me of having no life, of having no friends when this was the roadmap he had drawn for me over the past five years. He had alienated me from my friends and family, always giving reasons why I should cut them off or saying things like “why do you care, they don’t do anything for us”.

His interest in his perception to the outside world and the image he displayed became the most important thing. While to the public he would praise me as his rock, would thank me for always supporting him, things were not as they seemed. He had me hook, line and sinker. I was his, I craved his love and affection, he had made me so emotionally reliant on him that my happiness was drawn from his success. My friends were really his friends. I had lost all sense of self.

Then the infidelity started. Sneakily at first but over time he didn’t even try to hide it. When I would question messages, photos, fake online profiles he would say I was crazy, that I was making things up, I was overreacting (another trigger point for me). We would fight, he would apologize then drip feed me compliments to keep me coming back. He knew just the things to break me but knew just the things to keep me running back. To have the person, who you love more than anything, make you feel so low is the most hurtful and painful thing someone can endure.

Family tried to intervene, they could see how toxic things had become, could see the pain I was enduring. I started counseling, alone at first, and then in one final stint to try and save our marriage I asked him to come along. He attended three sessions, the therapist saw through the crocodile tears and called him on it. He didn’t return after that.

Our marriage was over. It didn’t abruptly end one day, the pain was drawn out for a further few months until I told him to leave our home. I was now truly alone, alone in the home we had built to start a family in.

The discarding phase was the most painful and brutal. It was public and it was mortifying. I was kicked to the curb and very swiftly replaced by a more successful, shinier model. Someone who could serve a new purpose of helping him get ahead in life. Money and power were always his key drivers and he had found someone that could accelerate that. Even when separated, he tried to keep the power, control the narrative, lying to anyone who would listen about the reasons we separated, alienating and shifting the blame to his family. Anything and anyone was fair game if it kept up the exterior persona.

As I reflect on our relationship (and after reading the book – Power, Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse) I realized, holy crap, I was married to a narcissist. It’s sometimes not until you remove yourself from a situation that you truly see the red flags, triggers and defining moments.

I wish I had the gift of hindsight, I wish all the people who had wanted to speak up had done so earlier, I wish I had taken back control of my life earlier. Don’t get me wrong, I was not perfect in this situation, I did things I am not proud of. I was in survival mode, protection mode.

To this day, he has still taken no ownership over his actions, apologized to me – not that I expect it – or his family for the immense pain and suffering he has caused them. I reflect on the good times now with a sense of sadness, in the moment, they felt so real, so pure but I will never truly know if he meant them, or if it was all just a plot to make me his puppet.

Whilst I would not wish such pain and suffering upon my worst enemy (or the newer model), I know that I have come out the side a better person. I am finally content with who I am as a person, I have grown through this experience, know who I am, what I want, what I deserve and what I am capable of. I have realized how strong I really am, how much I have to give and how much I deserve to get in return. I have become a better, happier more content version of myself.

I am in a relationship with a man I adore, who treats me with the utmost respect and admiration, I am standing on my own two feet for the first time in my adult life and I’m taking back control. It has taken a lot of dark days, tears, anger and self-doubt to get to this point and writing this article is the final chapter. He did not come out on top. He did not win.

I hope this helps anyone who is currently sitting at home not knowing what to do about their current relationship, whether what they are going through is normal if the grass is greener on the other side. Take my word, through all the rain, there is a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end. It may take weeks, months, years to reach it. But I promise you, it’s worth it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Boyfriend Puts Engagement Ring In Front Of His GF As Many Times As He Can Without Her Noticing

Getting engaged is one of the most exciting events in someone’s life, and is something to be remembered for years to come. When Edi Okoro had figured out that his girlfriend Cally Read was his one and only, he picked out an engagement ring and waited until the perfect moment to ask for her hand in marriage.

Edi wanted to have some fun though and decided to parade the ring around her a little before popping the question. After all, they would be together forever, so what’s the harm in dragging it out a little longer?

He even documented his engagement ring challenge in photos to see how long it would take for his gf to notice. Take a look at these hilarious photos of one guy just trying to see how much he could get away with before his beloved girlfriend caught on.

BF Decides to See How Many Times He Can Put Engagement Ring In Front of GF Without Her Noticing

Just chillin on the couch with the engagement ring while Edi’s girlfriend is in the kitchen behind him. No big deal.

He even left it in her jewelry plate for two days without her noticing.

Wearing the ring before she got a chance to.

She photobombed this without even trying to, and luckily she wasn’t turned around to see her boyfriend posing with her soon-to-be ring!

Maybe she’s dreaming of what her ring will look like while her boyfriend holds it in front of her.

These just keep getting better, don’t they? How close do you think he can get before she finally notices??

Looks like he brings the ring with him wherever he goes. These pictures just keep getting better and better!

It’s funny how in all of these pictures, she seems to be conveniently turned the opposite direction.

This one gives me a little anxiety, I have to say!

Wow, this guy is having way too much fun with the engagement ring challenge!

Luckily his girlfriend can’t see well without her glasses, so this was an easy way to get the ring in front of her without her noticing.

Wow, this one’s almost too close for comfort!

We love how happy he looks in every photo where he’s posing with the engagement ring. He just can’t wait to show his girlfriend all these pictures!

The ones with both of them in the picture are just the best.

Even on vacation, this guy can’t help himself.

Modern technology really is the best when you want to pose with an engagement ring while your girlfriend plays on her phone.

We will leave you with this photo. These are just the best.

Have You Tried the Engagement Ring Challenge?

So, if you want to partake in the engagement ring challenge, you now have some clever photo ideas thanks to this guy. Which one of these photos was your favorite? Please share with us in the comments, and if you loved this article, make sure to share with friends and family!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Don’t Get Married Until You Know These 5 Things About Your Partner

“Don’t tie the knot until you know these important things.”

Maybe you’re months into a new relationship or have been together for years.

Whatever the case, and wherever you are in your journey, there are some important questions to ask yourself and your partner if you see yourselves being together long-term.

Are you planning to get married? If so, what are your reasons for getting married? What are your partner’s reasons?

Are you ready for a life of unwavering commitment? And do you have the skills and desire to push through the inevitably tough moments alongside all the joyous ones?

To answer those questions, you really need to know yourself and your partner inside and out.

Phicklephilly spoke with several relationship experts — including matchmaker Patti Stanger, clinical psychologist Dr. Dara Bushman, and psychotherapist Jason Eric Ross — and put together a list of crucial things to know about your partner before getting engaged and married.

It isn’t an exhaustive list, but consider it a guidebook as you enter a new chapter in your lives (or at least think about entering it in the future).

1. Whether they want children or not — and how many

“If you aren’t on the same page [about kids], you will likely break up due to this as this is a definite deal-breaker,” Millionaire Matchmaker’s Stanger said.

“This sometimes gets shoved under the rug as people don’t ask the right questions, then are shocked to find out their partners don’t have the same position as them.”

“If you’ve already had this discussion, make sure you also know how many children your partner wants and what their ideal timeline looks like,” she added.

“Sometimes you figure these things out along the way, but having consistent and open conversations is key.”

2. Their full financial situation — and how they approach money

“The number one cause of divorce is financially not agreeing on how money is handled,” Stanger noted.

“Whether they have good credit or not could block any home purchase. [Also], who pays for what? Don’t assume if you’re marrying a wealthy person [that] they will pay for it all.”

Ross, a psychotherapist based in NYC and Florida, agreed with this one: “You want to know if your potential partner uses reasonable judgment, and you definitely want to know if they have any debt you may take on. Someone who is fiscally responsible will bring less baggage to the relationship, and thus there will be less arguing.”

3. How they get along with others — including loved ones, exes, and strangers

The way someone treats other people speaks volumes.

Whether it’s being kind (or rude) to waitstaff or speaking positively/negatively about close friends or family members, pay attention.

“Family of origin may be the most important factor to consider,” Ross said.

“How someone interacts with family is something you will likely have play out in your relationship unless they’re really mindful/have had counseling to keep this from being an issue. Understanding the family dynamics will give you a sense of how much, if any, drama you should expect.”

Even the way your partner interacts with or speaks about an ex can be very telling.

“Are they compassionate? Hateful? This is often overlooked, but truly important,” Ross added. “If someone speaks well of an ex, there are better odds they will treat you with compassion. It’s one way to gauge emotional well-being and emotional intelligence.”

4. How your partner likes to be touched

This may sound silly, but intimacy is the primary difference between a romantic relationship and a platonic one.

Sex, snuggling, kissing, and general “touching” really matters.

“You can’t fully bond if you’re not in physical contact,” psychologist Bushman said. “Before marriage, implement . . . holding hands for 20 seconds. Go to bed touching feet. Kiss for four seconds a day. Spell out ‘kiss’ with your lips touching. Hug your partner. Make a commitment to touch in some capacity every day.”

Relationships go through Winters and Summers with all things, including physical intimacy.

It’s ok if libido ebbs and flows over the years, but being highly comfortable with each other physically is very important to lifelong bonding and happiness.

5. What they’re like in crisis-mode

Everyone deals with tough spots, whether it’s a major family issue, career-related upset, or health scare. What you need to know is how they work through a crisis.

Stanger says it’s not ideal if they avoid the problem, throw their hands up, or run in the other direction.

This demonstrates an inability — or an unwillingness — to deal with their own emotions and to problem-solve.

Perfection isn’t necessary here. Nobody is perfect. It’s that drive to remain positive and find resolve that matters most.

One sign that your partner can work through a crisis is if they’re open to therapy.

“Being willing to undergo counseling, to me, is a sign of maturity and willingness,” Ross said. “I do believe people who seek therapy end up having better insight, which tends to lead to healthier relationships.”

Another good barometer is to see what they’re like during the holidays or while traveling, which can both be pretty stressful events.

Again, nobody is perfect — and you shouldn’t expect flawless superhero problem-solving — but how your partner handles difficult situations before marriage is how they’ll likely handle them after.

Make sure you’re ok with their approach.

 

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Cherie – Chapter 53 – Why I’ll Never Marry a Black Man

“Black women and white men aren’t the only diverse duo out there, but it’s something to chat about if you’ve ever been in that type of relationship.”

Aside from the historical separation of black people and white people, there are a few barriers you should get out of the way in the present.

Words from Cherie herself.

I’m never going to marry a black man…

Why would I want to? Why would I commit myself to a lifetime of disappointment and misery? I don’t need a man to ruin my life; I can do that on my own without his help and with much less drama.

I’ve made up my mind to marry a white man because life is too short for you to live it hoping that you’ll find that one in a hundred black men who will be true to his word and won’t turn out to be a deadbeat.

White men are simple. They don’t have mothers from hell who expect you to visit their house so you can cook, clean, kneel and kiss their feet. They have boundaries and understand that marriage means a man leaves his father and mother and becomes one with his wife. Black mothers think marriage means a woman leaves her mother and father and becomes drafted into the family as an indentured slave.

White men are liberated. They don’t feel threatened by their woman earning more or having aspirations. A white man will have dinner ready for you when you come home late from work. He will have the children bathed and put to bed without being asked.
White men are faithful. You can trust that if he’s out late with his friends he’s not going to end the night having acquired a small house. You know that when he dies there won’t be any kids coming out of the woodwork making claims on his estate. White culture values monogamy, whereas black culture puts a premium on how many notches he has on the bed post.

White men value family and financial security. They invest in trust funds and leave an inheritance for their children. And oh the children! The caramel skin, the pretty brown eyes and the big, curly hair… I want gorgeous children! Have you seen those beautiful interracial family photos? I deserve that in my life.

It’s not that I hate black men. It’s that after more than two decades of being in relationships with black men, I’ve gone through enough grief for a lifetime. I want to be happy and for me that means not committing the rest of my life to a black man.

For a long time that’s how I felt about black men and that’s how many young black women feel today. We’ve seen our mothers cry over the hurt of discovering yet another affair and have witnessed them covering up the bruises in makeup. We’ve watched our sisters going down the same path, like history repeating itself. We have borne the wounds ourselves and are left with scars as reminders.

It’s hard to argue with experience when all a person has known is one side of the story. Hurt speaks way louder than platitudes like, ‘There are good black men out there. God has one for you.’ That’s not helpful. What is helpful is looking deeper and exploring why some black women feel like white men are the only viable life partners.

 

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New Study Finds Men Are Happier With This Type Of Wife And We’re So Damn Predictable

Hot wife, happy life? According to a recent study, it turns out that’s true. Men with attractive wives have happier marriages.

A study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletinsuggests that men who marry attractive women are more likely to have long, satisfying marriages.

RELATED: This May Be the Key to a Happy Marriage

You might think this means that men who marry attractive women, also face more competition for their mate from other suitors and may find themselves on the receiving end of some serious jealousy. Thoughts of infidelity and anxiety about their wife stepping out may also plague these lucky men.

Not so, say the researchers behind the Florida State University study. Breaking down 200 participants into two distinct groups, lead author Juliana French made her case clear. “Maximizers” — those men and women who take the time to seek out the optimal solution in every life choice they face — are more likely to opt for the ultimate best in everything instead of settling. By contrast, “satisfiers” — people who are not as choosy and opt to take a more comfortable and familiar option instead of holding out — are likely to get together more quickly.

In the end, French claims, maximizing men are more likely to be satisfied when they kick off their lifetime of wedded bliss. “Specifically, maximizing men who had attractive (vs. unattractive) wives were more satisfied at the start of their marriages,” she said. “Likewise, maximizing women who had high (vs. low) status husbands experienced less steep declines in satisfaction over time.”

For women, as seen above, the determinant of an ideal partner seemed to correlate more commonly with wealth or status than physical attractiveness, although both traits play a role. Maximizing women saw different outcomes, being more likely to remain happy with their high-status husbands in the long run rather than see a brutal drop-off in interest.

RELATED: Are Beautiful Women Difficult to Approach

Besides the risk of ending up in an unhappy marriage, there are other dangers connected to having a mentality of needing to be in a relationship immediately. As Dr. Juliana Breines details for Psychology Today, the pressure to settle can be a very significant factor in the minds of many single people. According to Breines, lonely and desperate daters are more likely than others to put up with some real nastiness or deep flaws in those they select.

“People who were afraid of being single, or those who agreed with statements like, ‘I feel it is close to being too late for me to find the love of my life,’ and, ‘As I get older, it will be harder and harder to find someone’ were more likely to prioritize being in a relationship over the quality of that relationship or a potential partner,” said Breines. “Such individuals were more likely to express interest in dating someone whose online profile included callous statements like, ‘I love what I do, so I need someone who respects that and is willing to take the back seat when necessary.’”

The bottom line is, there’s value in being choosy, taking your time and asking out a perfect 10 or an out-of-your-league 9. And, when it comes to ending up in a happy marriage, it also helps to be somewhat successful in other areas of your life.

 

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