My Husband Has Admitted To Having Feelings For A Woman At Work, But Says He Still Loves Me. Should I Worry?

Here’s a post from on of my female followers. I thought it was worth sharing.

If I had to name the most common place where infidelity happens, it would be at the work place. I would say that the vast majority of the correspondence that I get about cheating and affairs happen in a work place setting. And I often hear from people who are concerned about a relationship that they see forming at their spouse’s job.

I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I had a strong suspicion that my husband was developing feelings for a woman at his work every time I saw the two of them together. I also couldn’t help but notice that he constantly talked about her and often mentioned them having lunch together, sometimes without others present. When I confronted him about this, at first he denied that anything was wrong. He said that they were just colleagues who had a lot of projects together. But later, I found some texts from her that were very flirty in nature. So, once again, I confronted him and he continued to deny everything. But this time, I continued to press him and eventually, he broke down and admitted that he had “strong romantic feelings” for this woman, but insisted that he still loved me and was committed to our marriage and therefore, would never act on his feelings. My husband has never lied to me, so I want to believe him. But in the back of my mind, I wonder if I should be worried about this. It’s not a good sign when your husband admits to having romantic feelings for someone else. So what should I do about this? Am I right to worry?”

I believe that the wife was right to feel concerned. From all of the correspondence that I get that outline affairs (even only emotional ones) at work, I can tell you that feelings that aren’t even acted upon can absolutely seriously harm your marriage. Not only that, but it’s not at all uncommon for people to eventually act upon these feelings even when they never intended to do so. And finally, sometimes people will insist that they only have feelings, when in fact they are trying to spare the feelings of their spouse by denying an affair (emotional or physical) that actually does exist.

Sometimes when I share my feelings on this, I’m accused of being paranoid or distrustful. But, I think that I’d rather someone be paranoid but proactive than being trusting but later very sorry when they’re trying to recover from full-fledged infidelity. It’s easier to prevent an affair than to recover from one, in my experience and opinion.

What To Do When Your Husband Admits To Having Feelings For Someone Else, But Denies Acting On These Feelings: This is only my opinion from my own experience, but I believe that just sitting back and hoping for the best is a mistake that I see happening over and over again. You can still make every attempt to believe and trust your spouse while being proactive about saving and safe guarding your marriage. When your husband has admitted to feeling romantic and loving toward someone else (who he sees and interacts with on a close and personal level every day,) then my feeling is that you are justified in taking action.

One suggestion might be to see if your husband can stop having to work so closely with her. Can he transfer, move to another department or partner with someone else? This may sound drastic, but again it’s usually much easier to prevent infidelity than the heal or recover from it. And, if you get resistance from your husband, then this will give you some important clues as to how he really feels and how invested he is in any close relationship with her.

Another thing that you will want to consider is strengthening and safe guarding your marriage. You want to make sure that things are very good at home so that he won’t have any reason to lament his marriage or talk about what it lacks with this other woman. You want to make it so that the two of you are as connected as you can possibly be. And, it’s certainly not a bad idea to swing by and have lunch with him as much as you possibly can. After all, when he’s having lunch with you, he won’t be meeting with her and she will see that your marriage is his reality and that it is solid and still very much in tact.

You also might want to look at where your marriage is vulnerable. Many women will deny that there are issues or problems, but I would argue that if your husband is developing feelings for someone else, then there are likely issues somewhere. There are likely vulnerabilities that you may not have considered or noticed, but which are most certainly coming into play. And again, if your husband is resistant to exploring these issues to strengthen your marriage, this might be indicative or what is truly going on with him and how deep his commitment really is to her or to you and your marriage. Because men will sometimes say words of reassurance, only to lack the actions to follow them through in the end.

This is not always the case, of course. Sometimes, a husband will do exactly what you’ve asked of him and the relationship or feelings for the other woman will fizzle out once you prioritize your marriage. However, to answer the question posed, yes, I do feel that there are plenty of reasons to worry, be concerned, or at least pay attention when your husband admits having feelings for someone else, even if he swears he’d never act on them. In my view, it’s better to be concerned and to take swift action than to vow not to worry, only to regret it later.

I know from experience that it’s easier to strengthen your marriage than it is to recover from an affair. My husband was unfaithful during the course of his job and I just didn’t see it coming. Since you have a warning and a head’s up, you don’t need to allow this to happen to you.

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

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13 Definite Signs She’s A Wife Material And You Should Keep Her

I used to say that there is nothing like wife material.

But then in this life we are all in a certain group where we have been categorized. We have been put into different categories because of our characteristics and that is how we choose our friends and even fall in love with our partners. It is these categories that help us know who is who and this is also where wife materials come in. These are women not girls, women that are fit to take care of a family and understand that being a woman who is able to love and take care of her future husband is not bad but precious and important.

1. She knows how to cook.

It may not seem important but food is important and good food is everything. A lady who can’t cook is not someone who can be able to set high standards even for a house help. She should be innovative with her food because you can’t always eat out.

 

2. She’s independent and ambitious.

She knows what she wants and she goes for it.

 

3. She doesn’t live in bars and clubs.

Yes, she may go out once in a while but this is not the center of her life. She is determined to use her time wisely in things like reading or investing in other hobbies.

 

4. She knows how to dress for every occasion.

She knows that she cannot dress skimpy in front of your family and she knows how to dress sexily for you as well.

 

5. She gets along with both your family and friends.

Because those are the people she will need to get along with for the rest of your lives. She may not like them but she is wise enough to be cordial with them for the sake of peace in your relationship.

 

6. She actually cares about how you spend your money.

She doesn’t urge you to buy the most expensive shoes or clothes. She encourages you to spend wisely and even has tips on how to do so.

 

7. She tries to help you overcome your imperfections.

She understands that you’re an imperfect human being and that she may not fix you but she encourages you to do better.

 

8. She is thankful and appreciative.

Instead of complaining all the time, she appreciates you when you deserve it and she does not let her ego get in the way of loving you.

 

9. She doesn’t tolerate nonsense but she is not a drama queen.

She can call you out and she is not a pushover. She is the kind of person who will tell you when you’re wrong and is not afraid to air our her opinions, you also know she will eventually walk away if you take her for granted.

 

10. She is responsible with her finances.

She pays her bills and plans ahead of time. This is the kind of woman who will probably have a savings account for a rainy day.

 

11. You have similar interests.

You both like similar things and she also accepts the differences. For example if you’re watching football she doesn’t try to make you hate it she finds something else to do at that time.

 

12. You have been together for a while and you want to marry her.

You actually know that she fits your standards.

 

13. She is your ride or die.

You know she will be there through the thick and thin.

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Brad Pitt’s Powerful Marriage Advice Will Melt Your Heart

Brad Pitt’s Powerful Marriage Advice Will Melt Your Heart

Speaking from the height of his experience, Brad Pitt offers you several powerful tips on how to build a strong marriage, and always keep the flame of love and passion alive. Sadly, his marriage ended. After 11 years of happy (or we only thought so) life with Angelina Jolie, something went wrong. What exactly? Now you can find out and don’t make the same mistakes!

Here are 18 tips from a man who has been married and knows what he is talking about.

“Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. I would have done differently… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 11 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had:

1.Never stop taking care of your wife.

Never take her presence in your life for granted. You have received the heart of your wife as a gift from life. This is the most valuable treasure that someone could entrust to you. Take care of your wife’s heart. It caresses her love. Do not be lazy when it comes to showing your feelings to your beloved.

2.Protect your own heart.

Love yourself too, accept life as it is. Leave a place in the heart where nobody can access except your wife. Let that intimate corner belong to her alone.

3.Fall in love with your wife again and again.

Inevitably both of you will change eventually. You will not be the same ones who fell in love ten years ago. Hence, you will have to fall in love again with each other.

She has no obligation to stay with you forever. If you ignore her, she will give her heart to someone else. You will lose it forever. Look at it as if it were your first date!

4.Focus on her best qualities.

Do not concentrate on her flaws. Pay more attention to her virtues, so that your love does not fade away. Remember: you are a happy man if you have a wife like her.

5.Do not try to change her!

Love her for what she is. Even if she changes, try to love her new personality, whether you like it or not.

6.Take responsibility…

…for the state of mind in which you find yourself. Being happy is not just her job. You must also make an effort to make sure that you are full of happiness, joy, and love.\

7.Never accuse your wife if…

You are angry or upset with her. They are YOUR emotions and YOUR responsibility. You chose this woman because you have to go through certain life lessons with her and solve scenarios that will help you heal.

8.Just stay with her.

When you are sad or upset, your task is to SUPPORT her, to let her know that everything is alright, that you listen to her, that you are a shoulder that she can always lean on.

The soul of a woman is a storehouse of emotions that are modified by the slightest blow of the wind. Stay unwavering and strong, do not judge her, and do not try to solve her problem, just stay close. Then she will trust you and open her soul…

9.Do not be so serious or hard.

Laugh more often, not just to other people’s jokes, but to yourself as well. Make her laugh as laughter can facilitate the solving of any kind of problem.

Study the personality of your woman: ask her to make a list of the 10 THINGS that make her feel loved. Remember these things and consult this list in your daily life. The crucial thing is to let her feel like a queen.

10.Give her enough attention.

When you are with her, do not think about anything else. Treat her as your client, your passenger, and your most valuable friend.

11.Do not be an idiot.

You will make many mistakes. It is important that you both learn and not repeat them in the future. Of course, you’re not a perfect man, just try not to disappoint her so often.

12.She must have her own space.

A woman gives everything without resting in relationships, marriage, and children. So she needs time and a little personal space to regain her strength. After a good rest and time alone with herself, she will return with even more energy and inspiration.

13.Be open about your vulnerability…

Prepare to share your fears and feelings with your wife, learn to admit your own mistakes.

14.Always be honest with her!

If you want to earn your wife’s trust, be ready to share EVERYTHING with her… Especially that which you have been hiding for a long time. It takes a lot of courage to fully open your heart to your loved one and let her look in the most hidden places.

Show this courage and she will love you even more for it. Take off that mask, otherwise, you will never experience love completely.

15.Grow with your wife!

Under a still stone, the water does not flow. Your muscles atrophy if you do not use them. The same goes for relationships if you do not work on them. Find your goals and get close to them with your beloved.

16.Do not worry too much about money.

Money comes and goes. Remember: you play on the same team. They do not have to face each other. To win, combine your strength and do not compete for the final prize.

17.Do not keep resentments inside of you.

Do not let the past influence your future. Do not be a hostage of resentment and past mistakes. Do not carry this burden with yourself. It will not let you advance, it can only block you from maturing. Also, do not hold any negative feelings, always choose love before anything else.

18.Always choose love!

After all, this is the only advice you really have to learn. Nothing will threaten your happiness if you adhere to this principle.

Marriage is not a happy ending, but the beginning of hard work. Marriage is life itself, with all its ups and downs. Every day you need to fall in love again, keep building your relationship, brick by brick.

Do you have anything to add to this list? Do you share Brad Pitt’s opinion on marriage?

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – Marriage Preparation: Tips & Advice for the Groom

Marriage preparation for a groom is really not all that different from how a bride should prepare. Like any bride, you also need to ask yourself some crucial questions. There also feats of (emotional) strength you must perform in support of your spouse.First, you need to be sure you are ready for a marriage. Is your girlfriend ready too? Does she also want the same things as you do from this relationship? If yes, then great! Congratulations!

Marriage preparation: Tips & advice for the groom

1. You are a team

Do not contradict in public. Form a united front even if you know she is wrong. Discuss your disagreements when you are alone at a later time. You have moved on from your mother so it is important to cut the apron strings and side with your spouse – at least in front of her. Always. Do not let your relationship with your mother (or best friend, child, or anyone) overtake your partnership with your spouse. No meddling allowed.

Marriage preparation: Tips & advice for the groom

2. Know your limits

We are human and know what we are good at. There are many stereotypes that you don’t have to live up to (and frankly aren’t expected to). Call the plumber, find an accountant, don’t let ego make a mess of major things.

Marriage preparation: Tips & advice for the groom

3. Discuss money/career/children/religion

Discuss any sticky subject matter that is important to you. Get on the same page and manage each other’s expectations. Plan your budgets. Are you saving for a house? Where? Do either of you have to go back to school? What is the debt scenario? All uncomfortable topics need to be hashed out and compromises need to be found for the road to be laid out smooth for the future.

Marriage preparation: Tips & advice for the groom

4. Always maintain respect and composure

There will be disagreements. This is a guarantee. Handle them with grace and patience; No name calling, no grudge holding, don’t ever retaliate. Fight fair. When it’s all over and the two of you have taken your space let your spouse know they are the most important person in your life.Expectations come from both parties. Live up to yours. If you make agreements be sure to stick to them. If assistance is asked for, get up and assist when asked the first time. Be strong and be patient & your spouse will look to you to be their pillar when times get dark. Deliver on that and you will receive the same treatment in return.

Marriage preparation: Tips & advice for the groom

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts in regard to this post!

 

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Celebrity Sightings: 15 Celeb Couples Who Clearly Should’ve Broken Up A Long Time Ago

Do you know a couple that you’re convinced shouldn’t be together? Many of us invest too much on the fictional romances in our favorite shows that we often end up believing we know exactly which of our friends should end up together and which ones are wrong for each other.

Although the concept of “happily ever after” is as fictional as Cinderella and her Prince, most of us still believe some people have a shot at ending up in a relationship which the parties involved will never disagree. However, even those who end up in “perfect relationships” always find out they’re not immune to relationship problems, and they have to work even harder to keep their relationship going.

One of the disadvantages of being a celebrity is that everyone out there makes it his or her business to meddle in their personal lives, so their relationships are subject to public opinion. Therefore, people everywhere have their opinions concerning which celebrity couples should be together and which ones should break up.

This list is about celebrity couples who have been through very tough challenges which should have split them but didn’t. Celebrities often have a reputation for hooking up and breaking up with whoever they’re with, to the point that we love to celebrate those who survive many years in the same relationship. Here are 15 celebrities who should have broken up a long time ago but are still going strong. Which of these do you think are likely to break up in the near future?

 

15.RAY RICE AND JANAY PALMER

Have you’ve watched the video of what happened between Ray Rice and Janay Palmer in an elevator back in 2014? If you have, then you know that at the time, Rice hit Palmer in an elevator while the two were engaged to be married. For the sake of those who’ve not watched it, it’s important to point out that Rice intentionally hit his fiancee so hard that he knocked her out.

In addition to having to answer charges of third-degree aggravated assault, his contract with the Ravens was terminated and the NFL suspended him indefinitely. He appealed the decision in federal courts and won, but he has not gotten an opportunity to play professional football since.

The interesting thing is that these two got married six weeks after the incident took place, and according to Palmer, Rice made a mistake he’d never made previously and would not make again. Palmer is a unique woman since very few women would have married a man who had previously hit them, let alone knocked them out. This relationship should have been over the moment Palmer recovered from the blow, but these two are still going strong.

 

14.JAY-Z AND BEYONCÉ

Many people consider Jay-Z and Beyoncé to be the most powerful couple in music, which is arguably the case. Both have risen to the highest possible levels in the music industry individually, so you can imagine just how powerful they are as a couple. However, their presence on this list means that even the most powerful couples are not perfect.

If you’ve listened to Beyoncé’s Lemonade, then you know she sang songs about her husband’s infidelities at length and was clearly not pleased. In addition, Jay-Z’s 4:44 confirms the unfaithfulness Beyoncé mentioned in her album and even further admitted to straying in an interview with The New York Times.

You must be thinking to yourself just how crazy someone would be to be unfaithful to Beyoncé since every woman would want to be her because she’s so beautiful and successful. This should have been the point at which this high-level couple would have broken up, but they chose not to. Since these two worked out their issues, there’s no reason other people can’t overcome similar challenges as well.

 

13.KANYE WEST AND KIM KARDASHIAN

Although Kanye West and Kim Kardashian got married back in 2014, some people still think their marriage is a sham and a union that happened just to make them relevant and attracted worldwide attention. Since Kim and her whole family will literally do anything to stay in the news, her marriage has played a huge role in helping her meet this objective, and she’s reaping big-time from it. Her social media presence and “reality” shows have made her one of the richest reality tv celebrities in Hollywood.

On the other hand, Kanye West seems like he didn’t mind marrying a hot woman, and was aware of the benefits the union would have on his music career and his image. Many people think these two shouldn’t be in a relationship, let alone a marriage, but somehow, they’ve made their relationship thrive. Whether these two got married because they’re in love or whether it was a good business arrangement is up to them.

 

12.GABRIELLE UNION AND DWYANE WADE

Many people would argue that Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union are one of the happiest couples on the planet, owing to just how much fun these two have together. Union, who is a celebrity actress, and Wade, who is a superstar basketball player, first got together in 2009 and got married in 2014. Since their amazing wedding, these two have shared images of the fun moments they have together on vacations and on dates, and it’s clear they’re not afraid of a bit of PDA (public display of affection).

These two make it to this list because, in 2013, Wade hooked up with Aja Metoyer, a longtime friend, and she gave birth to his son in November of the same year. In his defence, Wade claimed he and Union had split up at the time, so he technically didn’t betray her. A month after his son was born, he proposed to Union and she said yes. They got married in August of 2014. These two should’ve broken up even before they got married, but their love is keeping them strong.

 

11.WILL SMITH AND JADA PINKETT SMITH

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett have for the longest time been considered the most powerful couple in Hollywood, owing to just how successful these two are. Will has been called “the most powerful actor in Hollywood,” and has been considered by Forbes to be the most bankable star worldwide; owing to the success of the films he has played leading roles in.

Jada, on the other hand, is a successful actress who has starred in films such as Set It Off and Menace II Society and appeared in successful franchises such as The Matrix films and the Madagascar animated films.

These two have been married for 21 years, and they’re here because so many people have claimed they’ve both been unfaithful to each other at some point. One incident mentioned in the tabloids claimed Will caught Jada and Marc Anthony in their family home— claims which everyone involved refuted. These two have continued to be strong in their relationship, despite the pressure to give up and break up.

 

10.DAVID AND VICTORIA BECKHAM

Since it’s common knowledge that many celebrity relationships and marriages don’t last, David and Victoria Beckham are unique in that they’ve been married for the last 18 years and are still going strong. What makes the relationship even more amazing is that both of them are huge celebrities in their own right. They have the type of celebrity marriage that hardly lives past a few years.

The main reason that they make it to this list is because of a woman named Rebecca Loos, who purported to have had an illicit fling with David back in 2004 when she was his personal assistant. At the time, David was still married to Victoria, and the media had a field day reporting the incident making Rebecca one of the most famous women in the world at the time.

David and Victoria should have split at this time, but they stuck together and overcame the shame and negative publicity which resulted. David admits he has made mistakes in their relationship but has never confessed to being involved with Rebecca in the way she claims he was.

 

9.SARAH JESSICA PARKER AND MATTHEW BRODERICK

Since 1997, Sarah Jessica Parker and Mathew Broderick have been married to each other, and by the way things are going, these two will spend the rest of their lives together. It’s so amazing when two successful actors can stay married for more than 20 years, despite their hectic acting schedules, which often separate them for long periods at a time.

Although these two always look happy, they’re on this list because Matthew allegedly had a secret fling with an unnamed woman while his wife was shooting the film Sex And The City. When the news broke, Matthew, through his spokesperson, didn’t deny the allegations and refused to comment on the issue.

Although this secret relationship should have been the end of their marriage, these two chose to remain together and overcome this challenge. These two have said many times they love each other, and since they’ve gone through so much together, we have no reason to doubt them. They have three children together.

 

8.BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON

Bill Clinton was the 42nd president of the United States, and he served as president from 1993 to 2001. Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, has held several powerful political posts as well, and when she ran for the presidency in 2016, she won the popular vote but lost the presidency to the incumbent President Donald Trump.

These two have been married since 1975, and chances of them breaking up now are slim to none. However, they make it to this list because their marriage would have ended back in the ’90s when Bill was still president. Several women came forward accusing Bill of misconduct, with Monica Lewinsky’s case coming close to ending Clinton’s presidency through an impeachment because he was accused of perjury.

The allegations, scandals, court case, and all of the things that resulted were possibly the toughest period for their marriage to survive. If these two can survive so much humiliation, then couples all over the world need to work harder to save their marriages.

 

7.DAVID LETTERMAN AND REGINA LASKO

David Letterman was initially married to Michelle Cook, but their marriage ended in October of 1977. Before getting involved with his current wife, Regina Lasko, Letterman had a serious relationship with Merrill Markoe for ten years up until 1988. Letterman’s relationship with Lasko started in 1986 when he was still living with Markoe, and they were in a relationship for 23 years until 2009 when they officially got married.

This marriage would have ended as soon as it began because in 2009, barely six months after they exchanged vows, he was caught in a scandal, which forced him to apologize to his wife in one of his shows. He announced to his viewers that someone had tried blackmailing him by threatening to release information which suggested he’d had inappropriate relations with several colleagues if he didn’t offer him two million dollars.

Although the information was true, Letterman went to the authorities and the perpetrator was caught and his confession worked towards mending his almost breaking down marriage. However, his marriage to his wife continued to this day.

 

6.NICOLE KIDMAN AND KEITH URBAN

Nicole Kidman used to be married to Tom Cruise, and the two adopted children together during that time. However, five years after Tom left her, she married Keith Urban in June of 2006 in Sydney, and they’ve been together ever since. They have two children of their own. In 2015 during an interview, Kidman claimed she and Urban didn’t know each other well when they were getting married, but they got to know each other in their marriage.

These two make it to this list because, in addition to the many problems couples go through when they’re married, they had to survive rumors of Urban’s alleged unfaithfulness. Amanda Wyatt claimed she was repeatedly involved with Urban when he and Kidman were engaged and added she felt sorry for Kidman.

For over a decade, this couple’s marital troubles have hit the tabloids, but it’s safe to say they’ve reduced in the recent past. Such accusations, whether true or false, sure strained the relationship, and Kidman and Urban chose to stick together through that storm.

 

5.DAVID BOREANAZ AND JAIME BERGMAN

David Boreanaz is an amazing actor, most popularly known for his role as Seeley Booth, an FBI special agent in Bones, a comedy-drama series, or currently as Jason Hayes, in SEAL Team. His wife, Jaime Bergman, is a model and an actress who has appeared on several magazine covers and in a number of Playboy videos. These two got married back in 2001 and they have two children, a son called Jaden and a daughter called Bella.

These two have made it on this list because back in 2010, David acknowledged his involvement in a secret fling with one of the women Tiger Woods apparently betrayed his wife with a woman named Rachel Uchitel. In addition to admitting he strayed from his wife, text messages concerning the relationship surfaced on the internet, an embarrassing situation that should have broken this marriage up. What’s even worse about the timing of the whole incident was that his wife was pregnant with their second child.

 

4.SNOOP DOGG AND SHANTE BROADUS

Snoop Dogg is one of the greatest and most influential musicians we have today, and he has developed a huge fan base since starting his music career back in 1992. Throughout his career, he has sold over 23 million albums domestically and 35 million worldwide, making him a very successful musician.

He has so far released 14 studio albums and holds 17 Grammy award nominations. Despite breaking into the music industry with hip-hop, funk, and gangsta rap, he’s currently doing more of reggae, after converting to Rastafari back in 2012.

In 2013, Snoop told Queen Latifah that he took his wife through turmoil on his journey to success, and at the time he didn’t understand just how much he was hurting her. He further explained how he decided to start loving his wife and children by reprioritizing his life. Back when he was placing his career before his wife and children, his marriage should have ended, but the good thing is that they’re still together.

 

3.PINK AND CAREY HART

Do you know two people in a relationship who appear as if they’re wrong for each other, owing to the amount of drama they cause? If you’ve followed Pink and Carey Hart’s relationship for the 12 years they’ve been together, you will obviously think these two don’t belong together.

Since they got married back in 2006, they’ve officially broken up twice, and even picked up divorce papers to end their marriage in 2008 when they were just two years into it. Although we’re not quite sure why they broke up the first time, the reason they split the second time was due to their hectic work schedules, which would force them to spend so much time apart they would hardly have any time to deal with issues in their marriage.

Pink went out of her way to win back her man, and her effort paid off because they’re still together. Both confess that their marriage isn’t perfect, and was it not for their desire to hold on to what they have, their marriage would have ended a long time ago.

 

2.NAYA RIVERA AND RYAN DORSEY

Naya Rivera is popularly known for the role she played in Glee from 2009 to 2015, a cheerleader called Santana Lopez. For this and many roles, she has received numerous awards and award nominations since she’s a highly talented actress and musician. She married Ryan Dorsey in 2014, and although these two have been married for just four years, they’ve had to overcome issues some couples who’ve been married for decades have never experienced.

In November 2016, barely two years into their marriage, Naya filed for divorce, but they called off the separation in October of 2017, meaning they lost a year in the split. In November of 2017, authorities in Kanawha County, West Virginia arrested Naya for domestic battery. Apparently, she hit Ryan in the head and on the face during a disagreement. After she was released from jail, she refiled for divorce, and we’re waiting to see what will happen. This relationship should have ended a long time ago, but these two have a chance to mend it.

 

1.KOBE AND VANESSA BRYANT

If you love basketball and have watched a few NBA games, then the name Kobe Bryant is not new to you. Bryant is one of the best guards in the history of the NBA, and many people have even claimed he was greater than Michael Jordan was. With the Los Angeles Lakers, he won the Championship five times and was the NBA’s MVP in 2008, NBA Finals MVP in 2009 and 2010, and he won an Academy Award for his short animated film Dear Basketball just this year.

However, Bryant and his wife are not on this list because of the great achievements in basketball, but because they went through one of the toughest challenges a marriage could ever go through. In 2003, Bryant was arrested for allegedly assaulting a 19-year-old at a hotel in Eagle County, and the case that followed tarnished his reputation and he not only lost many of his endorsement deals but many of his fans.

During the course of the case, his marriage should have ended, but Vanessa stuck with him. In December 2011 she filed for divorce but called it off a month later, and we can only assume they’re happily married today.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – Couples with Successful Marriages Have These 13 Things in Common

Not surprisingly, there are some things that successful marriages have in common. So, for people who want to have a successful marriage, these are the things they need to focus on. They will work for every person in every relationship and just need to be applied to work.

Ready? Here are the 13 things every successful marriage has:

1. Have Realistic Expectations

Notice this article is about what “successful” marriages have, not perfect ones. That’s because there’s no such thing as an ideal relationship. Every relationship will have good times and hard times, and those who are in successful ones know that it’s not always going to be butterflies and rainbows.

Setting realistic expectations for the relationship, however, is not nearly as important as setting realistic expectations for partners. If a person sets up unreachable expectations for their partner, they will always be disappointed since their partner can’t meet their expectations.

2. Have The Right Motives

When two people get together, their best chance of success comes if they’re together for the right motives. Not wanting to be alone is not the right motive for getting married, and neither is following family or religious traditions.

When two people are together because they genuinely love each other and want to spend every moment together, that’s the right motivation. When two people are together because they’re ready to do whatever it takes to stay together, that’s the right motivation.

3. Are Two Successful People

A successful marriage always has two successful people, and that’s not to say they’re both at the top of their career tracks. It is to say that each partner is mature, healthy, and able to say that they are successful on their own, that their success in life is not tied to their marriage.

When a marriage has an unhealthy member, that person will always look to the other for support and validation, and the healthy person then has to work twice as hard to keep the marriage working right. When both individuals are emotionally unhealthy, it just gets worse.

4. Be Completely Honest

The worst thing someone can do in a marriage is to reach out to someone outside of their marriage when they have a problem with their marriage. The only person that can solve that person’s marriage problem is the person they’re married to, so that should be the one they’re going to with a question.

The more painful a subject is, the more critical it is that it be brought up to a marriage partner rather than anyone else. Part of that honesty means both partners need to be trustworthy and open to hearing harsh truths. Only then can they be worked through successfully.

5. Respect The Other

Even more important than communication is respect. Every successful relationship has two people who respect each other in every imaginable way. If a person loses their respect for their partner, it usually isn’t long before the relationship starts to fall apart.

In successful relationships, each partner respects the other for who they are as a person, what they believe in, what their interests are, and what their dreams and aspirations are. They recognize that they won’t always agree on everything, but they still respect each other.

6. Have Good Fights

The measure of success in a relationship does not come from how infrequently or even how gently a couple of fights. The truth is that couples that fight more often (and sometimes even more loudly) are more successful than those who don’t fight.

The key is that they both allow the other person to express themselves and say what they need to say, then they resolve the problem. Sometimes, it’s not entirely settled as a compromise can’t be made, but what’s important is that it’s left in the past when it’s over.

7. Feel Genuine Forgiveness

Even more important than fighting is the forgiveness that follows in successful relationships. When a successful couple forgives each other, it means complete remission, which means wiping the slate clean and not allowing the offense to affect their relationship.

Something that successful marriages don’t do is keep bringing up old fights and hurts because they have genuinely forgiven the other person and no longer allow those things to come up. Forgiveness is the only way for couples to keep moving forward without allowing past hurts to hurt their future.

8. Have Rules

Although it seems strange for a loving, thriving relationship to have rules, these are incredibly important for making sure that both partners are on the same page and will prevent a lot of conflicts, frustration, and problems.

Relationship rules should be written out and cover everything from finances to how often a couple goes out on dates. Successful relationships stick to these rules and allow them to improve their lives and their relationships by encouraging them to keep their relationship healthy, open, and consistent.

9. Have Space Between Partners

Without some space between two people, it can be complicated to be able to enjoy each other since they don’t spend any time apart. It can often lead to co-dependency as each partner begins to need to get everything from their partner alone.

Having some space for each person to pursue their own interests and have their own friends allows each partner to get social interaction and personal fulfillment elsewhere that they can then bring into their marriage. It also gives them something to talk about.

10. Embrace Changes

Change is inevitable, and successful marriages continued to love, accept, and support their partner through every type of change that life may bring. It could be as something small as a haircut, or something as major as a change in religion.

As people go through life, they’re going to change, and in successful marriages, both partners accept the change that happens and are willing to fall in love with the person their partner is becoming because they recognize that marriage is a lifelong commitment.

11. Focus on Little Things

Little things in marriages always add up to big things. This can be positive or negative, depending entirely on what little things are happening in the relationship. Successful couples pay attention to the little things because they know what can happen if they don’t.

Snarky comments and little insults will add up to resentment and big hurts. Washing dishes and kissing before leaving the house will add up to mutual contentment satisfaction. When it’s little negative things, the sooner they’re dealt with, the better.

12. A Lot of Sex

Of course, the frequency of sex varies significantly from marriage to marriage, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, it’s something that many couples miss the importance of in their relationship. But, when there is an emotional disconnect or a hurt, lack of sex is often the first sign.

Some couples have even used sex as a way to repair their relationship when things are feeling a bit dry. They merely commit to having sex every day for a week no matter what, and immediately feel closer to each other by the end.

13. Surfers

A surfer rides the waves of the ocean as they go up and down, and can be stronger or weaker. In a successful marriage, both partners surf the emotional waves that naturally come. They recognize that sometimes will be better than others, but they stick with their partner no matter what.

Sometimes, these waves come in the form of feeling a lack of love towards a partner, something that can last for a few days or even a few years. But in a successful marriage, that partner sticks with it, rides it out, and rediscovers their love that they would have missed had they bailed.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – Five Legitimate Reasons Why Marriage Should Be Abolished

When you are young and free, the summer is a time to be off school, travel, and lament that you aren’t beach-body ready. But once you get a bit older, summer means one thing: Wedding season. Just, so many goddamn weddings. Whether it’s traveling to a destination wedding, sitting through an hour-long mass, or just hanging out in someone’s backyard, you are expected to be there, smile, and bring a gravy boat for the happy couple that will undoubtedly never be used.

But … what if we just got rid of the institution all together? Don’t worry, I’m not some bitter spinster, I’ve been happily married for ten years. But bear with me here, because for millennials, it might make more sense to just stop getting married once and for all. Here’s why.
1. Society Is Failing At It
Let’s say you’re in high school and you really, really suck at math. You never get better than a D on any of your tests. But you decide you want to study math in college. Then you want to go on and get a master’s degree, and even a PhD. Everyone around you is trying to talk you out of it: your friends, your parents, your creepy guidance counselor that keeps touching your knee. But you are insistent. How crazy would that be? Now pretend math is actually marriage. Because society is totally failing at it, yet we keep trying to make it work.

The divorce rate in America is estimated to be between 40 and 50 percent. For millennials, it might end up being even worse thanks to all the divorces our parents went through. If your parents got divorced, you are up to 60 percent more likely to get divorced yourself. It’s called “intergenerational transmission of divorce,” and it means that your parents pass on divorce to their kids just like they do other terrible things like heart disease or ginger hair.

Then there are the infamous “starter marriages.” These are marriages between people in their 20s that usually last less than five years and don’t involve children. The problem with these is that getting divorced once means you will probably divorce again. 67 percent of second marriages and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce. A recent survey of millennials found that 43 percent of them would like a starter marriage that could be either “renewed” or easily dissolved after two years. 36 percent thought that marriage licenses should be treated like mortgages, on fixed year terms that have to be “renegotiated” once they run out. If this is how we really think marriage should be approached, why have it at all? Why not just live together for as long as you want, and if you break up there is no legal aspect involved?
2. It Fixes Some Legal Issues With Other Types of Relationships
Remember way back in the hot summer of 2015, when it seemed like Obama would be president forever and gay people finally got the right to get married? It was the end of a decades-long slog toward equality, and there was every chance it wouldn’t happen. Until the decision was released, people still thought the five conservative judges might block marriage equality. Fortunately, one of them flipped. But it is easy to forget just how long and hard the fight was, and how close it came to not happening.

Within hours of the decision, think pieces appeared on the “next logical step”: legalizing polygamy. Now, we’re not talking about weird old guys in cults forcing dozens of underage girls to marry them. This is about three or more consenting adults who want to be, for lack of a better word, a couple. Is there really anything wrong with that? If there is anyone out there who loves to cook and clean and maybe knows how to fix cars, I would gladly welcome you into my marriage. In 2015, only 16 percent of people found polygamy “morally acceptable” but that was more than double the 7 percent who thought so in 2001. But it will be another long hill to climb before any case on polygamy gets to the Supreme Court. The simplest way to fix this? Take the legal aspect of marriage out of the picture entirely.

This will work for millennials as well, who are more likely to be in polyamorous relationships than any other group. According to one poll, only 51 percent of people under 30 say that their perfect relationship would be completely monogamous. This is compared to the 70 percent of people over 65 who only want to bump uglies with one person at a time. If we get rid of marriage, millennials can form lasting relationships with any number of people and have them all be equally important.

3. It Ends The Wedding-Industrial Complex

You can’t spend an hour online without finding some millennial talking about the unfairness of student debt. And they’re right, it sucks to start adulthood with negative money if panhandling wasn’t your dream in life. Now that you’ve graduated, you’re right in the sweet spot, age wise, for marriage. Time to bust out the calculator.

According to a survey of 13,000 brides and grooms who got married in 2016, the average American wedding now costs over $35,000. That doesn’t even include costs like the engagement ring, the honeymoon, and the interest you will be paying for years. And sure, some people’s parents pay for their big day, but not everyone is that lucky, which is why a full one-third of couples go into debt to pay for their wedding.

That is worse than it sounds. Money is the biggest cause of stress in a marriage. According to a study of 4,500 couples, money arguments last longer and are more intense than fights over anything else. And if you fight about money issues early on in your marriage, the same study shows you are more likely to end up divorced. One older study found that 10 percent of people broke up mainly because of financial problems, and a whopping 57 percent said it was a primary cause of their divorce. Suddenly that $35,000 party you put on your credit cards isn’t looking like such a brilliant idea.

Look, I get it. Women especially are conditioned to want the big day. I used to buy wedding magazines with my friends and have fun imagining. If you are madly in love with someone you want to show everyone just how huge your love is by proving it with an even bigger wedding. But why do we need to prove anything? If you love someone and are a happy, functional couple, you are proving how committed you are to everyone already. We don’t need weddings to do that. You don’t need to put yourself at the risk of divorce if you never spend the money and never even get married. You can still stay together as long as you want, and have an even better chance of lasting if you don’t start off with money issues and fights about whether or not you invite your fiance’s racist uncle.

4. We’re Already Putting It Off Longer Than Ever

Marriage ages for millennials is already higher than any other generation. These days the average woman gets married at 26.5 and the average man at 29. But that is just the average. In some places, as many as 81 percent of young people are single.

And this might not change much according to one study. The researchers determined that unless marriage rates changed drastically in the near future, up to one-third of millennials will never get married. And those that do find it less important than other generations. Gone is the time where you had to be married to live with someone, or even have a kid with them.

Millennials are putting off marriage for lots of reasons. Some have no money to pay for a wedding (see the wedding-industrial complex above.) Some want to be able to own a house. Others want to live with a partner for a few years first. That might all sound fine, but there are dangers if marriage is still your final goal. Living with someone prior to getting hitched makes you 8 percent more likely to get divorced than people who don’t. And if you put off marriage for too long the same thing happens. Your risk of divorce rises by 5 percent for every year you wait after 32. You know how to avoid divorce? Don’t get married. If we are putting it off for so long already, and so many people will end up single anyway, why not just end the institution once and for all?

5. It Might Be The Natural Way

Thanks to Marilyn Monroe everyone knows about the supposed seven-year itch. But surely that was just made up for a movie, right? No way does everyone want to cheat on their spouses after being tied down for less than a decade.

Wrong. It just takes even less time than seven years. One study looked at animals and found that many of them are serial monogamists. They stay with one partner just long enough to have and raise their children, and then once they fly the nest (in some cases literally) they move on to another mate. Then the same researcher looked at humans and found that in more primitive societies, the same thing often happens. Once a child is four, and is weaned and old enough to be looked after by older siblings or grandparents, the parents move on and find new partners. Biologically, this is a good thing, since having children with different genetic makeups means at least one is likely to be healthy enough to make it to adulthood.

And our biological urge to split up after four years carries over into more advanced civilizations. The study found that four years is peak divorce time for couples. Something about that time makes us want to run off and find a heartier mate. So why tie ourselves down for life when our biology might be telling us to end things much, much sooner? We could take the idea of the starter marriage, get rid of the legal aspect, and expand it throughout our lives. You could find one person to party with in your twenties, then someone more responsible to have kids with, and finally someone fun and financially stable to enjoy your retirement with. It won’t be slutty if we all start doing it.

When you think about it, no other area of life expects you to stay in it forever. Friendships come and go, as do jobs. Why are we expected to legally bind ourselves to one person for life? No one should have to smell the same person’s farts for that long.

I hope this was helpful. I’d love to hear your feedback on this subject.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday at 8am & 12pm EST.

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