How to Charm and Marry an Asian Woman

We can freely say that for many men, women’s mind is like an ancient secret that they just cannot crack. This can be even trickier if you want to seduce a woman that is from another culture. There is no question about it, we are all defined by our communities, and our perspective on different aspects of life is influenced by the culture and people that surround us during your formative years.

Because of this, we are all different, and oftentimes it can be difficult to really get to know someone who is a foreigner. Maybe something that they do, you will find odd and vice versa. However, every now and then, a man meets a woman that intrigues him, and he is ready to do almost anything to charm her in order to spend the rest of his life with her.

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Asian women are known for their delicate beauty, so it comes as no surprise that men all around the world are mesmerized by them. However, seducing them is no easy task. They have certain expectations when it comes to the man that they are going to marry. For some men, flirting might be an impossible task to complete, so if you are one of them, check out love-sites.com where you can find a few tricks that you can use. If you want to ensure that you will be successful in this quest, keep reading this article, because we are going to tell you what you have to do and how you have to act.

First of all, you have to be respectful.  We are not only talking about treating her nicely, but you also have to respect her family, culture, and customs. These things are extremely important to her, and if you come across as ill-mannered, then she is going to lose her interest immediately, and there is nothing you can do to change that.

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Do not try to guess whether she is Japanese, Korean or Chinese. Not only is it rude to play this guessing game, but also she will not find it amusing. Instead, simply ask her where she grew up and let her tell you some stories about her childhood and family. It is completely normal to inquire about this information and she is probably going to ask you the same thing. Just, whatever you do, do not try to guess her ethnicity.

Furthermore, when it comes to family, show her how much you love and appreciate your parents because this is going to tell her a lot about your upbringing. Generally, speaking women love men that have a close relationship with their immediate family, and for Asian girls, this is even more important.

Why? Well, it is common in Asian culture for children to take care of their parents as they grow old. To them, there is nothing more important than family. Because of this, you have to be on your best behavior when you go to meet her parents. If they perceive you as impolite, then chances are that she is going to form the same opinion about you.

Next, when you meet a foreigner, the first thing that probably comes to your mind is to learn some basic phrases in their language. This is great! It shows that you are eager to get to know her, to learn about her language, customs, and so on. A simple phrase like “How are you?” will go a long way.

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However, be careful. Over a thousand languages are spoken in Asia, so you shouldn’t assume what is her native language. If you don’t have this information and thus don’t want to come across as a fool, then a simple “Hi” in English is enough. Later on, you can inquire about the language and ask her to help you learn some phrases because we all know how difficult that can be. Just try not to make any assumptions.

Moreover, if you want to have children in the future, this is definitely something that you can bring up. But maybe not on the first date, the moment you meet. As already discussed, the family is the most important thing in their lives, so it is natural that they want to have one of their own. Keep in mind that they probably come from one-child families, which means that she has never had the experience of growing up with siblings. Due to this, she might want to have more than one kid. If you agree with this, mention it and she is probably going to perceive you as husband material.

In addition, show her that you have a successful career. This might seem wrong, but in reality, it is really important for Asian women, simply because they have grown up in patriarchal communities where the men work and take financial care of their families. They want to know that you are going to care for them and ensure that they have everything they need. They do not want to spend the rest of their lives living from paycheck to paycheck and this is definitely something that they don’t want their children to experience.

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What’s more, demonstrate to her that you have big plans for the future. Women are looking for someone who is serious, who has great plans for his life, both professional and private. Generally, speaking they do not want a man who is going to be satisfied with a mediocre job and who is going to spend every afternoon in front of a TV or online. Talk about your interests, things that you like to do in your free time, skills that you have mastered or countries you have visited.

To sum up, in this article we have given you some guidance when it comes to your behavior if you want to charm an Asian woman. If you have just met, you should definitely take things slow, and give yourself and her the opportunity to see if you want to pursue this relationship further. As you know, connecting with some on a more personal level can take some time, so be patient and see how to thing develop.

 

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American Men Are Getting Less Marriageable — Here’s Why.

  • We’re in the middle of a great marriage decline in the US.
  • This phenomenon is partially explained by economic forces that are making men less appealing partners.
  • Traditional gender roles are also to blame.

If it seems like the number of complaints from your female friends about not being able to find a man is growing, we may finally know why. Somewhere between 1979 and 2008, Americans decided it was much less worth it to get hitched: the share of 25- to 39-year-old women who were currently married fell 10% among those with college degrees, 15% for those with some college, and a full 20% for women with a high-school education or less.

This great American marriage decline — a drop from 72% of US adults being wed in 1960 to half in 2014 — is usually chalked up to gains in women’s rights, the normalization of divorce, and the like. But it also a lot to do with men. Namely, economic forces are making them less appealing partners, and it ties into everything from China to opioids.

The most revealing data comes from University of Zurich economist David Dorn. In a 2017 paper with an ominous title (“When Work Disappears: Manufacturing Decline and the Falling Marriage-Market Value of Men”), Dorn and his colleagues crunched the numbers from 1990 to 2014. They found that employability and marriageability are deeply intertwined.

The flashpoint is a sector of the economy that politicians love to talk about: manufacturing. It used to be a huge slice of the employment pie: In 1990, 21.8% of employed men and 12.9% of employed women worked in manufacturingBy 2007, it had shrunk to 14.1 and 6.8%. These blue-collar gigs were and are special: they pay more than comparable jobs at that education level in the service sector, and they deliver way more than just a paycheck. The jobs are often dangerous and physically demanding, giving a sense of solidarity with coworkers. Not coincidentally, these jobs are also incredibly male-dominated —becoming even more so between 1990 and 2010. But since 1980, a full third of all manufacturing jobs — 5 million since 2000 — have evaporated, making guys less appealing as husbands.

Dorn and his colleagues find that when towns and counties lose manufacturing jobs, fertility and marriage rates among young adults go down, too. Unmarried births and the share of children living in single-parent homes go up. Meanwhile, places with higher manufacturing employment have a bigger wage gap between men and women, and a higher marriage rate.

“On simple financial grounds, the males are more attractive partners in those locations because they benefit disproportionately from having those manufacturing jobs around,” he told Thrive Global.

It underscores how in the US, the norms around money, marriage, and gender remain — perhaps surprisingly — traditional. Marianne Bertrand, an economist at the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business, has found a “cliff” in relative income in American marriages at the 50-50 split mark. While there are lots of couples where he earns 55% of their combined income, there are relatively few where she makes more than he does.

While the pay gap is certainly a factor here, Bertrand and her colleagues argue that the asymmetry owes more to traditionalist gender roles and remains a class issue. They reference recent results from the World Values Survey, where respondents were asked how much they agreed with the claim that, ”If a woman earns more money than her husband, it’s almost certain to cause problems.” The results broke along socioeconomic lines: 28% of couples where both parties went to at least some college agreed, while 45% of couples where neither partner went beyond high school agreed. Spouses tend to be less happy, more likely to think the marriage is in trouble, and more likely to discuss separation if the wife out earns her husband, as well.

“Either men don’t like their female partners earning more than they do,” Dorn said, or women feel like “if the man doesn’t bring in more money, then he’s an underachiever.”

As manufacturing jobs are lost, there are also increases to mortality in men aged 18 to 39, Dorn said, with more deaths from liver disease, indicative of alcohol abuse; more deaths from diabetes, related to obesity; and lung cancer, related to smoking — not to mention drug overdoses. (These “deaths of despair” have taken over a million American lives in the past decade.) Ofer Sharone, a sociologist at the University of Massachusetts, has found that while Israelis blame the system when they can’t find a job, Americans see themselves as flawed when they can’t find work, which sounds a lot like perfectionism. And remarkably, half of unemployed men in the US are on some sort of painkiller. Unremarkably, all that makes long-term monogamy less appealing. “This is consistent with the notion that males become less attractive partners because they have less money and start doing drugs,” Dorn said.

The precarious situation that American men face has a lot to do with the nature of the jobs they’re doing. Germany and Switzerland, which are bleeding manufacturing at a much slower rate, do more precision work (read: watches and cars), which is harder to ship overseas to hand over to robots and algorithms. Traditionally masculine, American blue collar jobs tend toward repetitive tasks, making them easier to replace. (One British estimate predicted that 35% of traditionally male jobs in the UK are at high risk of being automated, compared with 26% of traditionally female jobs.) There’s a race to automate trucking, a traditionally male role, but not so much nursing.

And the working-class jobs that are being added tend toward what’s traditionally taken to be “women’s work.” Care-oriented jobs like home-care aides continue to go up — a trend that’s only going to continue as America gets older and boomers move into retirement. These are not trends that add to the marketability of guys. “The lack of good jobs for these men is making them less and less attractive to women in the marriage market, and women, with their greater earnings, can do fine remaining single,” says Bertrand, the Chicago economist. “For gender identity reasons, these men may not want to enter into marriages with women who are dominating them economically, even if this would make economic sense to them.”

So what’s a man to do within change like this? Dorn recommends, if one is able, to specialize in areas that are harder to automate — jobs that require problem-solving and creativity. But those jobs also often require more education. Then comes the much woolier, complex issue of gender norms. There are individual choices to be made at a personal level for men to take on traditionally feminine work, or for heterosexual couples to settle on a situation where the wife brings home the bacon. But these individual choices don’t happen in a vacuum — they’re necessarily informed by the broader culture.

“Traditional masculinity is standing in the way of working-class men’s employment,” Johns Hopkins sociologist Andrew Cherlin said in an interview. “We have a cultural lag where our views of masculinity have not caught up to the change in the job market.” (This was captured in a recent New York Times headline: “Men Don’t Want to Be Nurses. Their Wives Agree.”) Parents and educators will play the biggest role in teaching more gender neutral attitudes regarding who belongs in the home and who belongs in the marketplace, Bertrand said. And eventually, she adds, gender norms “will adjust to the new realities” that are already present in the economy: women are getting better educations and are more employable, and the work opportunities that are growing are — for now — thought to be feminine.

 

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The 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make After Getting Divorced

Avoid these mistakes so you can find love again.

If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, then you know what a struggle it can be figuring out how to start dating after divorce.

Getting over your marriage ending and being able to move on without baggage is difficult, so making sure you’re ready to start dating and knowing how to get a date are equally important.

Whether you’ve already started dating after divorce, or you’re about to take the plunge, chances are good you’re going to be tempted to give in to three behaviors that will sabotage either your ability to move on from your marriage, or seriously reduce the chance you’ll find a wonderful new man.

Here are 3 mistakes you need to avoid in order to start dating after divorce so you can find a healthy new relationship and be happy again:

1. Thinking all guys are like your ex.

Trusting a new man once you’ve been hurt by your ex-husband is difficult. But if you don’t get rid of this distrust toward men, it will destroy your chance of finding someone new.

This distrust often shows up in online dating profiles when you say things like “no head games,” or “no dishonest men.”

When you write those things in your profile, you’re broadcasting on a billboard that you’ve been hurt and that you’re distrustful.

You’ll scare away the men who have it together because they’ll recognize your distrust immediately. And most of the men who really do play head games or are dishonest haven’t admitted to themselves that they possess these massive flaws … this makes it likely that they aren’t going to stay away from you just because you ask them to in your profile.

And when you do get into a relationship after divorce, even if the guy is faithful to you and is madly in love with you, you may not believe anything he says.

If you assume all men are like your ex-husband, you’ll have this ongoing chorus playing the back of your mind: “All men are no good. All men cheat. All men fall out of love and break up with me.”

It plays like a country song accompanied by an out-of-tune guitar. Replace that chorus with something more melodious, something like, “I’m having a lot of fun getting to know my new man (or my date) and finding out what good qualities he has.”

With each man you meet, you want to start with a clean slate.

Look at him as an individual. Notice all the ways your new man or date is different from your ex-husband.

2. Getting involved in a rebound relationship.

If you’re lonely after your divorce, it’s easy to get involved with someone new before you’re truly ready to move on. But how do you know whether that new relationship is the real thing or whether you’re simply on the rebound?

First, ask yourself if the person you’re with has the qualities you’d want in a long-term partner. Do you have lots in common with this person? Or is the physical attraction blinding you to how wrong you really are for each other?

Another question to ask: Am I happy alone even without a man in my life? If the answer is yes, then you’re ready to get involved in a new relationship.

If the only reason you’re getting involved in a new relationship is that you can’t stand to be alone, then your new relationship may indeed be a rebound relationship.

As you heal from your divorce and think about the lessons you learned from it, your new relationship can be transformed from a rebound relationship to a real relationship, as long as it’s based on more than just physical attraction.

3. Unintentionally holding onto baggage.

No one is a blank sheet of paper. We’ve all been hurt in the past. The key is to find ways to release the baggage so it doesn’t get stuck inside of you. In fact, much of the time, you’re probably not even aware of your baggage.

It’s time to start having an internal dialogue with yourself. Did you spend enough time alone after your divorce to really think about what caused the collapse of your marriage? While your ex-husband likely played a part, did you have any destructive habits? Blame is one of the most common destructive habits I’ve seen in couples.

You want to blame your significant others for the way you feel. But your emotions have your name tags on them. You own them. Rather than telling your partners “You’re making me angry,” it’s much better to say, “When you did X, Y, or Z, I didn’t feel so good. I felt really uncomfortable.”

Whether it’s avoiding blame or any other relationship-sabotaging factors, is there anything you could do differently in a new relationship to stop it from going the way of your marriage? It’s only when you answer this question that you can say goodbye to your baggage and hello to a wonderful new relationship.

 

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Woman Slams Surprisingly ‘Tiny’ & ‘Insulting’ Engagement Ring After 8 Years With Partner

I’m not the first person to say weddings have gotten out of control in America, but man does it bear repeating. The over-the-top engagement and bachelorette parties, the mile-long registries packed with pricey items you just know the couple will never use, and the wedding receptions themselves, which can cost upward of $50K … It’s MADNESS! Plus, before the wedding festivities even begin, the groom has to fork over some major bucks on the engagement ring — which he will definitely be silently judged for if it’s tiny. Such is the predicament one poor soul is in, after he got hardcore ring-shamed on Reddit this week.

The Reddit post, which was shared on Monday, has elicited a LOT of opinions so far from people who could hardly believe their eyes.

In it, the poster shares an image supposedly from a woman who recently became engaged after eight years with her partner. On her hand sits a diamond engagement ring, accompanied by a simple gold band.

Sounds pretty standard, right?

But you see, here’s the thing: The ring on her finger looks like less like a rock and more like … well, a pebble. Or glitter. Or, honestly, anything other than a diamond engagement ring. Because even to the untrained eye — and the least materialistic person out there — it’s pretty clear: The ring is small. And that’s precisely why the bride-to-be took to social media in the first place.

“This is the ring he said he saved up to buy me,” the woman wrote. “Am I being shady or materialistic if I tell this mf ion want this little a– ring?”

Reddit was pretty much unanimous: The ring is bad. Like, REAL bad. And mostly because of what they think it says about her fiance’s judgment.

“I’m not materialistic when it comes to things like this but if my man proposed with THAT I would be full on insulted,” wrote one woman. “There are nicer, more substantial rings than that for $200. He went out of his way to find the cheapest possible option; which to me says that he’s probably like that in every aspect of the relationship and will probably be like that in every aspect of their marriage. You can count on it.”

Yikes.

Plenty of others took turns guessing just how inexpensive the ring was, too, and many believe it to be no more than $200 to $300.

To be fair, $200 to $300 isn’t a drop in the bucket. But for an engagement ring? One you’ve been presumably saving up for for years?

To many, it says something about his saving skills …

“Not gonna lie,” wrote one person. “I’d be more concerned about his ‘saving up’ to buy something that little. Simply because it shows that a wedding is probably not in the budget.”

“I agree,” another person chimed in. “While I have no idea what this costs, it doesn’t look like a ring one would need to save up for. They have been talking about marriage for three years, but have they gone window shopping for engagement rings? Have they discussed style, size, and budget for the ring as well as a wedding?”

Plenty of Redditors said the woman should “gently” let her fiance know this isn’t her style, and ask to return to the jeweler to choose one she likes.

“This will hopefully lead to a budget discussion and set priorities,” one person explained.

“Exactly,” added another. “My husband has bought some jewelry for me that wasn’t my taste. I wanted to have an engagement ring I absolutely loved, so we picked it out together. We got engaged almost three years ago and I still stare at my ring every day because I absolutely adore it.”

“I used to think this was unromantic af, and then my then-bf made me do it and LET ME TELL YOU it’s amazing,” another woman said.

In fact, a lot of women chimed in about their involvement during the ring-shopping process, claiming that picking it out themselves — or at least steering their boyfriends in the right direction — wound up being for the best.

Even a few dudes commented that they were grateful for the help.

“I went so far as to make my then-gf pick out an engagement ring,” one man commented, “because I knew I wouldn’t get the one she wanted and I knew she’d be the one wearing it forever.”

Still, many warned that this might be a sign of things to come …

“Regardless of whether she likes the ring, if they’ve been talking about marriage for 3 years and this is what he was able to save for (possibly over the course of 3 years), unless her fiancé is living in poverty, it seems like this is a red flag regarding his ability to manage finances and save money, which is a major concern if you’re going to spend a lifetime with someone,” wrote one person.

At least a few people came to the guy’s defense, though. Well, sorta.

“I kinda like her ring,” wrote one person. “It’s very modern and sleek looking. I’d wear that in a heartbeat.”

“It’s totally the kind of ring that I’d wear,” added another.

But perhaps one person said it best when they dropped this little truth bomb: “When the ring is the issue, the ring is not the issue.”

Hmmm … FAIR. Very fair.

The thing is, the ring IS small. But is that really a reason to shame the person you supposedly love on the internet? Here’s hoping the woman works up the nerve to tell her fiance what she really wants in an engagement ring — and it leads to a bit more communication in the future.

 

 

How To Survive Marriage Without Intimacy: Exactly How To Deal With No Intimacy In Marriage – Part 2

Pay Close Attention Here-

Now listen carefully! Take 2 minutes to read the next page and you’ll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which will save your marriage and get you back to that place you once were – in love, committed and excited about the future – within a few days guaranteed.

You may be looking to save your marriage and simply do not know where to start. The one thing that you know is that you want to keep your husband, and get the best of happiness and love with him, and from him as well.

Here are a few tips that will help you save your relationship and get your husband on the same page as you towards a happy marriage.

1) Do things together. You can make chores such as shopping for groceries and hardware seem like a joy-ride just by deciding to enjoy that given time with your husband. When you make the conscious decision to take on responsibilities with a friendly and light-hearted disposition, your husband will want to unwind with you as well. Treat everyday tasks like absolute necessities that must be taken care of, and you will see yourself being done with them earlier, giving you more time with your spouse.

2) Do something new. Pick a new sport, hobby, social cause, or even jogging route and make it a point to do what you enjoy the first thing in the morning. This may mean that you have to wake up earlier than you usually do, or go to bed before anyone else does at night. The sheer newness of the routine and the excitement of doing something you enjoy the first thing in the morning will give you the power surge for the rest of the day. Positive energy spreads faster than negative vibes, and the favorable impact of doing something for yourself will prove contagious for your husband, since you will be filled with new things to talk about and also have a diverse outlook on your everyday routine. If you want to give your marriage a breath of fresh air, you must start by taking one yourself!

3) Be happy or be right. You must decide what matters to you more from this day forth in your marriage. Being right in an argument may risk your husband’s feelings or self esteem. Having the last word holds a short-lived satisfaction that is nominal compared to the journey of sentiments and achievements that you share with your spouse. You will find it easier to give in to a winding conversation with a smile, and your husband will appreciate your regard for his word as well.

Find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you’ve always wanted… even if your spouse doesn’t want to!

Jack is an example of doing everything wrong in a marriage.

He was always late whenever he and his wife went somewhere. He would forget his wife’s birthday, and even their anniversary. He simply gave the impression that he did not care. Then he wondered why his wife would get upset with him.

Jack missed an important principle for a successful marriage. Now this is the principle Jack missed year after year. Jack failed to understand that a successful marriage means attention to the details. What are the details that Jack missed? The details that communicate that I love you and care about you.

1. If you love someone then you know their likes and dislikes. A person who knows me knows that I do not like rock music. They know that I like classical music. They know that I especially like brass band music, and they know that I like jazz from time to time. My wife would never give me tickets to a rock concert for my birthday. She knows my likes and dislikes.

What if your spouse already left you? Here’s how to get them back.

2. If you love someone then you know your spouse’s special days. Perhaps you do not have a lot of money. But at least you can remember your spouse’s birthday. Now this is what you want to communicate on your spouse’s special day. “I am glad you are here, and I am glad we are together.”

3. If you love someone then you know their needs. It would be a terrible thing if a man had a serious health problem, but his wife always cooked meals that made his health worse. Such actions communicate a lack of concern for someone’s special needs.

4. If you love someone then you take time to be with them. As you talk you do not constantly check your email. You put everything aside. You give them your full attention to your spouse. You listen deeply to their concerns, and you listen to how they feel.

A person with a successful marriage does not do everything perfect. But they pay attention to the details. They pay attention to the details their spouse is concern about. They identify those concerns, and they remember those concerns. They want to make sure their spouse knows that they are concern about the details of life.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by.

Are you looking for relationship breakdown advice? If so, you have come to the right place. First off, if you are experiencing problems with your relationship, know that you are not alone. There are millions of couples around the world that are having difficulties within their relationship. Also, know that repairing your relationship is not out of reach. Although relationships do not heal themselves overnight, they can heal if you are willing to work at them.

If you are involved in a relationship that is failing, you know how painful the experience can be. Separating from your partner can be extremely devastating, often reaching the same level of hurt as losing a loved one. Broken relationships can cause a wide variety of negative emotions including confusion, depression, anger, and hopelessness. If you are experiencing feelings of hopelessness, let them go. There is hope. If you are willing to work at your relationship, it is not doomed to fail. With hard work and time, any relationship can be rebuilt.

What if your spouse don’t love you anymore? Here’s how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time.

The first step in healing your relationship is understanding why it is failing in the first place. There are many reasons that a relationship can result in failure. Most of the time, however, a relationship begins to fail because one partner is not getting everything that they need from the other partner. Many times, these needs are not even communicated and the other partner does not even realize that anything is wrong. The problem, therefore, is ignored and eventually becomes magnified to the point where it begins destroying the relationship.

It is only once you have determined the cause of your relationship failure that you can begin to heal the relationship. If you don’t know where to begin in understanding your relationship problems, there are many programs available to help guide you. Relationship programs will give you the information that you and your partner need to help you gain the understanding of where your relationship went wrong. A good program will not only get you communicating problems with your partner in an efficient manner, but will also provide you with relationship breakdown advice and with techniques that you can use to rebuild your relationship. Begin your search for a relationship rebuilding program today and begin looking at your spouse the same way you did on your wedding day!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don’t have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How To Survive Marriage Without Intimacy: Exactly How To Deal With No Intimacy In Marriage – Part 1

Completely sexless and touch less! No kiss, no hug, no holding hands! Feelings of rejection, low esteem, anger, frustration, and resentment and desperation are overwhelming! Very depressed! Want out! Thinking of extramarital sex, separation, divorce!

Starting out as a happy couple, passionately in love and having sex every other day anytime, anywhere, you have now become just miserable roommates or even worse, housemates – sleeping in separate bedrooms. After a couple of years, the feeling of euphoria which at the start seemed endless starts to diminish and the relationship takes a downward turn. From passionate steamy sex, then to occasional “duty sex” (with the “just do it and get it over with” attitude) and until sex completely vanishes from your marriage. Even hugs, kisses and holding hands disappear! You are now living in a sexless marriage!

Statistics indicate that there are millions of husbands and wives who are living in sexless marriages and surprisingly, rather than going to a marriage counselor, more and more are joining online forums confessing their troubled relationships and miserable sex lives and seeking for help, advice, and support. Sexless marriage is increasingly becoming a very hot topic in these online forums. Check out one of these forums and you will discover that you are definitely not alone!

Definition of Sexless Marriage

The experts define sexless marriage as having sex less than 10 times a year. I personally do not subscribe to this definition. A couple can have sex 9 times in a year or less and still have a happy marriage. It is a very subjective matter. It depends on the individual couple, what level of intimacy they feel contented with. There is no fix dosage to have a happy sex life. I would rather take the word literally – meaning no sex at all – and alarmingly, there a millions of couples who are living in marriages completely devoid of sex, and even touch!

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

Root Cause of Your Sexless Marriage

Why did your marriage turn from “sex filled” to “sexless” after a couple of years? What is the root cause? To fix your sexless marriage, it is important to find out and understand the root cause. Your or your partner’s lack of sexual desire is just a symptom of much deeper problem built up over time. Your sexless marriage did not happen overnight. Stop blaming each other and jumping into any conclusion. It is not the lack of love or infidelity. Your spouse is not cheating on you. In fact he or she is suffering in silence to save your marriage.

The root cause of your sexless marriage is – the breakdown of your intimate relationship. Yes, your sexless marriage is the result of the loss of intimacy between you and your spouse! Intimacy leads to mutually pleasurable sex and good sex strengthens the emotional connection, bonding and partnership so vital in a happy marriage. Sex does not precede intimacy. Without intimacy there can be no meaningful sex. That is the simple truth!

The loss of intimacy between you and your spouse can be caused by any or all of the following:

– Hectic lifestyle. You and your spouse work yourselves to death and you come home both dead tired leaving no
time at all to enjoy each other’s company. More often than not, you get into each other’s nerve and end up arguing over very trivial matters before hitting the sack.

– Money. Financial problems can be very stressful and cause either you or your partner to lose sight of more
important aspects of your married life.

– Children. Your wife is so focused on being a mother and is most often fatigued and sleep deprived. Sleep becomes
her main concern every night!

– Unresolved misunderstandings. Past faults not forgotten and forgiven.

– Lack of communication. The ability to express and convey your feeling, emotions and thoughts as well as to
absorb your spouse’s feelings, emotions and thoughts. Communication is a two way street. Not only must you be a good talker but more important, you must be a good listener!

Knowing the root cause of your sexless marriage, you must act fast to address it before it leads to more serious scenarios like infidelity, separation or divorce and even domestic violence. It is extremely tough to survive a sexless marriage, of being rejected and ignored sexually.

What if your spouse don’t love you anymore? Here’s how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Practical Steps to Fix Your Sexless Marriage

Here are some practical steps you can take to restore the intimacy you once had with your spouse and revive your super steamy sex life:

1. Take the first step and re-establish a good line of communication with your spouse. The repair work must be a joint effort. Talk and listen! Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and look at the problem from his or her point of view. Convey this to your spouse with humility and surely he or she will most likely reciprocate.

2. Take time out of your busy schedules and daily routine. Ideally, you should both take a few days off from work and have that much needed vacation. But even just one day would be sufficient. Or even just dining out or going to the movies together would greatly help to restore your lost intimacy. The important thing is frequency, at least once week. Just the two of you, no kids, no friends, no family.

3. Every now and then surprise your spouse with a tender hug, a quick kiss or any kind of tender loving touch.

4. You may even need to start from square one and again woo your spouse just like the first time you felt attracted to him or her. As they say, love is lovelier the second time around (indeed, it is!). So, try to fall in love all over again.

5. Before going to bed, take a warm bath and take extra measure to look and smell good.

If your take these practical steps, intimacy, romance and passion will slowly come back to your marriage and then, guess what – great sex! Your sexless marriage if fixed! Your marriage saved! Congratulations!

 

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What I Learned About My Husband That Ruined Our Five Year Marriage

Another one from one of my female followers!

It was gradual at first, one red flag, then two.

We were the picture-perfect couple, so bright and shiny on the outside, the ones everyone wanted to be like.

It looked like we had it all, the car, the home, the life. He was the successful sports person, overcoming feats no one thought possible and I was the rock that stood beside him. The one who was always there, supporting him, praising him. But behind closed doors, things are not always what they seem.

I thought he was the love of my life, till death do us part, through sickness and in health. We said these vows in front of hundreds of our friends and family. I thought we would travel the world, have children, support each other as we built our empire. How little did I know that once I had served my purpose I would get kicked to the curb and replaced by a newer version that could give him the next leg up in life.

My world came crashing down two years ago today. I thought the man I had married was kind, caring, generous, selfless. However, this was all a rouse, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with what has happened and what I endured over the almost five years of our marriage.

It all started when I was 18, the world was my oyster, I had a great job, lots of friends, a loving supportive family and was having the time of my life. Then I met him. He swept me off my feet, filled me with compliments, showered me with gifts and affection, made me feel safe and loved. Our whirlwind romance continued for the next 18 months when we got engaged. He pulled out all the stops. I felt like the luckiest woman alive. Our wedding then followed, an extravagant affair, the party of the year. 300 of our closest family and friends laughed, danced and drank the night away. There were emotional speeches, and an endless array of kisses and laughter and to top it off I was spoilt with my own fireworks display (lucky right!). We were going to have the greatest love story ever. I was on an emotional high that felt like a drug cocktail as potent as cocaine, heroin, and ecstasy, all rolled into one dose.

Over the next few years we traveled, moved, built houses, bought cars and he continued to thrive and flourish in his sporting career. Everyone thought we were perfect. I, on the other hand, was living in a state of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness.

It was only gradual at first, one red flag, then two. The love-bombing and idealization phase of our relationship was over. The gaslighting and devaluation had begun.

He had started to withdraw, sometimes affection sometimes compliments, but mainly time (which he knew was a trigger for me). He would start to blame me, we would fight, he would get nasty, say things he knew would cut deep. He would accuse me of having no life, of having no friends when this was the roadmap he had drawn for me over the past five years. He had alienated me from my friends and family, always giving reasons why I should cut them off or saying things like “why do you care, they don’t do anything for us”.

His interest in his perception to the outside world and the image he displayed became the most important thing. While to the public he would praise me as his rock, would thank me for always supporting him, things were not as they seemed. He had me hook, line and sinker. I was his, I craved his love and affection, he had made me so emotionally reliant on him that my happiness was drawn from his success. My friends were really his friends. I had lost all sense of self.

Then the infidelity started. Sneakily at first but over time he didn’t even try to hide it. When I would question messages, photos, fake online profiles he would say I was crazy, that I was making things up, I was overreacting (another trigger point for me). We would fight, he would apologize then drip feed me compliments to keep me coming back. He knew just the things to break me but knew just the things to keep me running back. To have the person, who you love more than anything, make you feel so low is the most hurtful and painful thing someone can endure.

Family tried to intervene, they could see how toxic things had become, could see the pain I was enduring. I started counseling, alone at first, and then in one final stint to try and save our marriage I asked him to come along. He attended three sessions, the therapist saw through the crocodile tears and called him on it. He didn’t return after that.

Our marriage was over. It didn’t abruptly end one day, the pain was drawn out for a further few months until I told him to leave our home. I was now truly alone, alone in the home we had built to start a family in.

The discarding phase was the most painful and brutal. It was public and it was mortifying. I was kicked to the curb and very swiftly replaced by a more successful, shinier model. Someone who could serve a new purpose of helping him get ahead in life. Money and power were always his key drivers and he had found someone that could accelerate that. Even when separated, he tried to keep the power, control the narrative, lying to anyone who would listen about the reasons we separated, alienating and shifting the blame to his family. Anything and anyone was fair game if it kept up the exterior persona.

As I reflect on our relationship (and after reading the book – Power, Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse) I realized, holy crap, I was married to a narcissist. It’s sometimes not until you remove yourself from a situation that you truly see the red flags, triggers and defining moments.

I wish I had the gift of hindsight, I wish all the people who had wanted to speak up had done so earlier, I wish I had taken back control of my life earlier. Don’t get me wrong, I was not perfect in this situation, I did things I am not proud of. I was in survival mode, protection mode.

To this day, he has still taken no ownership over his actions, apologized to me – not that I expect it – or his family for the immense pain and suffering he has caused them. I reflect on the good times now with a sense of sadness, in the moment, they felt so real, so pure but I will never truly know if he meant them, or if it was all just a plot to make me his puppet.

Whilst I would not wish such pain and suffering upon my worst enemy (or the newer model), I know that I have come out the side a better person. I am finally content with who I am as a person, I have grown through this experience, know who I am, what I want, what I deserve and what I am capable of. I have realized how strong I really am, how much I have to give and how much I deserve to get in return. I have become a better, happier more content version of myself.

I am in a relationship with a man I adore, who treats me with the utmost respect and admiration, I am standing on my own two feet for the first time in my adult life and I’m taking back control. It has taken a lot of dark days, tears, anger and self-doubt to get to this point and writing this article is the final chapter. He did not come out on top. He did not win.

I hope this helps anyone who is currently sitting at home not knowing what to do about their current relationship, whether what they are going through is normal if the grass is greener on the other side. Take my word, through all the rain, there is a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end. It may take weeks, months, years to reach it. But I promise you, it’s worth it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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