50 WAYS to Show Your Husband You LOVE HIM – Part 2

Don’t worry… you don’t need to do all 50 :). And some of these ideas won’t apply to your situation in life. But, I hope this list inspires you to just try ONE and re-focus on the person you love! I think it’s so easy, with the stresses of parenting or working or life, to neglect giving daily love and attention to our most important relationship on earth. In marriage, we are completely known for who we are and our spouses get our best and our very worst. Luckily we can continually learn and grow as a person and a couple. Being married to my very best friend is the biggest blessing in life!!

If you ever feel that your marriage could be stronger or you feel your relationship needs a re-charge (which is always does), pick one that works for you and have fun!! I so believe that discovering ways to show love in YOUR SPOUSE’S LANGUAGE and re-discovering your FRIENDSHIP over and over again is what builds a strong marriage! So I hope one idea may help…

 

Surprise her with a fun gift that she would really enjoy. Or save the money and don’t buy anything, if that’s his love language!

26. Find some sanity at home.

No matter how much we all work together on cleaning and organizing our house, it usually feels so overwhelming. I do care about the environment of our home because it does affect everyone, especially me and my ability to focus more on relationships. I’ve also found that cleaning together as a couple can also be a good time to chat.

27. Encourage his hobbies.

It will make a huge difference, and help him to feel more balanced, and to be his best self. I sure need this, and I know he does too.

28. Take a hike or walk, while holding hands.

29. Eat an ice cream cone together.

Buy one large cone and eat it together at the same time.

30. Pray together each night.

Recently I attended a wedding ceremony where I heard some of the best marriage advice, it was this, “As you are praying together, express 1) something you love/appreciate about your spouse and 2) what you personally want to work on (to improve yourself).” If you’re not a praying couple, you could just verbalize this to each other.

31. Have a wrestling match.

32. Exercise together.

One time, while doing a P90x workout, my husband caught me drinking milk during a “water break”… and dunking Oreos.

33. Cuddle while watching a movie.

34. Make his favorite treat.

35. Play a game together.

I kind of pride myself on being undefeated in Settler’s…

36. Look in her eyes.

Try looking your wife straight in the eyes when she talks to you, to show her that she is your number one at that moment. Walking over to her and being close helps you be more focused on her, and helps to show you care.

37. Stick to the budget the two of you have worked out.

38. Let her sleep in.

Your wife probably seems to be the one who is always getting up with the kids, or getting up before you do. Let her sleep in from time to time. She will love you for it.

39. Smile.

Sometimes we are so bombarded with what we are doing we forget to smile. When your spouse is around or walks in the room, try smiling more.

40. Cook her favorite meal.

Even if you don’t know how to cook very well. Do a little research, call your mom, and surprise her with a special meal. It will mean a lot to her.

41. Say, “I love you,” in creative ways.

It’s easy to say the words “I love you,” but it is way more fun to leave those words for your spouse to find in creative ways. Spell it out with cereal, with lipstick on the bathroom mirror, or little game pieces while you’re playing a board game.

42. Offer to help.

Your husband or wife has a kajillion things going on and it never hurts to take him or her by the shoulders and just say, “What can I do to help?”

(#43-#45 come from the book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by Dr. John Gottman, who has revolutionized the study of marriage.)

43. Soften your startup.

John Gottman wrote “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” and hisresearch shows that “discussions invariably end on the same note they begin. … If you start an argument harshly – meaning you attack your spouse verbally – you’ll end up with at least as much tension as you began. But if you use a softened startup – meaning you complain but don’t criticize or otherwise attack your spouse – the discussion is likely to be productive.”

44. Enhance your “love map.”

Dr. Gottman describes how couples need a “richly detailed love map,” which means continually seeking to understand your spouse’s current needs, stresses, worries, friends, thoughts, hopes, and dreams. We need to better understand how our spouses really perceive love. Here’s the link to take the 5 Love Languages Quiz. It also goes deeper and more personalized than that, so keep exploring what helps you feel most connected and loved!

45. Nurture your fondness & admiration.

Every now and then, stop yourself and just dwell on all the things you spouse does do, and all the little things you do admire about him/her. As you do this, your tender appreciation grows, and these inner feelings affect how you interact and treat your spouse. Just as people choose to dwell on their frustrations, “nurturing fondness,” is also a choice.

46. Sometimes just go to bed!

We don’t always believe in the adage to “never go to bed angry.” Our kids sure struggle when they are overtired, and so do we. In a moment of frustration, when tired and cranky, sometimes it is best just to go to bed. You’ll likely wake up in the morning with a renewed perspective!

47. Turn towards each other rather than away.

48. Inspire the best in each other.

Choose to see the immense good in the other and treat each other as such. You are your spouses greatest supporter, and as you believe in him/her, they will aspire to really become that. Tell him or her today one great attribute you see!

49. Hold your wife close.

Sometimes just hold your wife close, let her cry to you, let you unload all her feelings, tell her that your love for her and your relationship is more important than any problem to be solved. If you spouse is inwardly hurt and being hurtful, sometime hold him and show an outpouring of love.

50. See your spouse as a person.

Sometimes we can view those closest to us as objects to blame or criticize. Remember that your spouse is a person, a part of you, that has real concerns and needs just as legitimate and important as your own!

I hope we all can be filled with hope and charity and seek to just make ONE small step and change for the better!

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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50 WAYS to Show Your Husband You LOVE HIM – Part 1

Don’t worry… you don’t need to do all 50 :). And some of these ideas won’t apply to your situation in life. But, I hope this list inspires you to just try ONE and re-focus on the person you love! I think it’s so easy, with the stresses of parenting or working or life, to neglect giving daily love and attention to our most important relationship on earth. In marriage, we are completely known for who we are and our spouses get our best and our very worst. Luckily we can continually learn and grow as a person and a couple. Being married to my very best friend is the biggest blessing in life!!

If you ever feel that your marriage could be stronger or you feel your relationship needs a re-charge (which is always does), pick one that works for you and have fun!! I so believe that discovering ways to show love in YOUR SPOUSE’S LANGUAGE and re-discovering your FRIENDSHIP over and over again is what builds a strong marriage! So I hope one idea may help…

1. Choose to act, not re-act.

Isn’t it so natural to react to others, to become offended when someone is offensive?! To mentally blow up your spouse’s faults to justify your “better,” standing? To reflect shortness to someone’s being short or irritable? You cannot ever change others, but you have the power to choose how you act and how you love.

2. Be the first to change.

My husband and I once heard the advice to look into a “mirror,” when there’s any particular marriage issue…definitely NOT in an effort to blame yourself, but to ask yourself, “How can I change or make things better?” Or, “What can I do differently?” Really, you are the only thing you can control, and your efforts can and may inspire your spouse.

3. Flirt with each other.

It’s funny how we totally flirt while dating, but once we’re married we can easily forget to be fun with each other! Just because you’ve snagged him or her, don’t stop flirting. Try to bring it back :).

4. Laugh more.

Remember when you were dating and you laughed about everything? We all can get into a rut and forget to have fun, but we need to be able to laugh at ourselves, and to not be so serious all the time. The other night, my husband and I were bantering and laughing, and I caught a glimpse of my son’s wide eyes and sheepish smile. Children secretly light up inside when they see their parents laugh and connect!

5. Text each other.

Surprise him with a spontaneous, flirty text, or a sentence about why you are so grateful for her. Finding small ways to connect during the day makes a difference.

6. Initiate intimacy.

Through extensive research and experience in married couples therapy, Dr. Willard Harley discussed the top 10 marital needs in his book “His Needs. Her Needs.” The needs that women rated as their top 5 were typically men’s bottom 5, and vice versa. Harley explains that the marital need of “sexual fulfillment” doesn’t necessarily mean just quantity, but even more – quality. Interestingly, men feel most fulfilled and loved only when they feel their spouse is also desiring and also fulfilled. Dr. Harley counsels wives in therapy to discover how they personally can enjoy intimacy more and more, prepare for it, and especially choose to initiate.

7. Offer praise and show appreciation.

When your husband or wife works hard, or does something for you, let him or her know you appreciate them! Everyone desires to feel understood and valued. In a moment where you could become frustrated, first think of something you could be grateful for in your spouse. Interestingly, researchers have found that “praise and appreciation” are actually one of men’s top five needs in marriage.

8. Drop everything.

Try putting aside your eternal to-do lists just for a moment, and give your husband or wife your sincere, undivided attention.

9. Start a hobby together.

With our babies asleep at home one night, we decided to write a “bucket list” of fun things we wanted to do together. We love rock-climbing, so we’ve started buying the gear. Find something you both would enjoy!

10. Read a book together.

11. Plan a date night.

Even if it is in your own home, when the kiddos are asleep (but I love it when we actually leave the house!). If you need some fun date night ideas, click here. It’s so important to have that time to fall in love all over again – just the two of you. Find what works for you, and maybe even officially ask each other out!

12. True love is never about you.

I love the article “Marriage Isn’t for You” where we learn “you marry to make someone else happy.” How can you build, and serve, and add to the happiness and well-being of your spouse?

13. Feel beautiful.

Trying to oversee that four people get their teeth brushed, clothes on, hair done, and tummies fed means it’s easy for me to get last pickings on personal time. One day with all my little buddies finally strapped in car seats, we made it all the way to the store before I realized I forgot my own shoes! However, I have made it my New Year’s resolution wife-goal to somehow find a way to feel more beautiful for my husband, because it seriously makes such a difference to me.

14. Remember the “real” golden rule.

In marriage, it’s not just treating your spouse the way you want to be treated, but meeting their needs in the way they want. This takes lots of time, practice, trying and understanding – over and over again.

15. Make a surprise breakfast.

16. Say you are sorry (sincerely).

Say you are sorry even before your spouse does, and irregardless of whether he/she gives an apology, too. I love the quote by Ruth Bell Graham, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

17. Remember the power of touch.

Spontaneously decide to dedicate an entire day to as many random acts of physical touch as possible… back scratches, hugging while talking, touches in passing, etc.

18. Write a fun love note.

Maybe a “Top 10 Things I Love about My Wife,” on the bathroom mirror, or post-it notes or a letter thrown in his car, or on the bedroom door.

19. Light candles and give each other massages.

20. Grab a kiss while you wait.

Kiss your husband or wife while you’re waiting at the stoplight, or in the food drive-through, or at the grocery store…just because.

21. Remember the power of exits and entrances.

As you and your spouse say goodbye’s and reunite again after a long day, be aware of how you show love during these important cross roads.

22. Take interest in each other’s interests.

Doesn’t it make you feel close to someone when they take a keen interest in what you love?! If it matters to your spouse, then it should matter to you because you love them.

23. Dance together.

Dance in the kitchen, in the parking lot, under the stars, in your home, anywhere… as long as you both would enjoy that.

24. Verbally show appreciation for your spouse in front of your family and friends.

When with his family, for example, share real sincere appreciation for what your husband does or who he is. When you are around her friends, mention something specific you love about her.

25. Buy or make a surprise gift.

 

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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5 Early Warning Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

https://va.topbuzz.com/s/pjNRR

 

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Kimiko – Chapter 2 – Finally Connected

Kimiko had given me her number very quickly in our first conversation, so that was good. But this one takes a little time to get off the ground. After our brief connection, I text her just to make contact off the site

 

Monday Night
Me: Hey there. It’s Charles.

K: Hi Charles, Nice to meet you here.

Me: Me too. When would you be available to come to the city?

K: I am off this Saturday, does it work for you?

Me: I should be available after 5.

K: Ok.

Me: Sounds good! I’ll pick a spot we can meet. Do you have any dietary concerns? Or any passions about food?

K: No. All good.

Me: Cool. Do you have a food preference? Something you really like?

 

Tuesday Morning

K: Hi. Good Morning. Charles, sorry for the late reply. I went to bed right after I texted you. To me, I like all kind of food except Mexican, I mean I could have it but not a big fan.

Me: Ok. No worries! Hope you got some rest. I’ll find a place we can meet.

K: Sure thank you. Have a nice day.

Me: You too!

 

Wednesday

Cherie texted me that she was coming down Sunday night, so being the little weasel I’ve become, I had to reach out to Kimiko and see if I could take her out on Sunday.

Me: What about Sunday? Can you do after 4pm?

K: This Sunday I’m not sure.

Me: Why not?

K: I have my boys coming home.

Me: Ok. What about during the week? I work a lot.

K: Understand, so if this Saturday is not good for you, we can find another day next week.

Me: Sounds good. I really want to meet you.

K: Ok. We can plan for next week.

Me: Yes. Maybe we can chat on the phone before that. What type of work do you do?

K: I work in retail and also taking a financial and insurance course now. I work a lot too.

Me: Oh, very good. I want to meet you. We’ll figure it out. Work is good. We could chat on the phone at some point if you like.

K: Maybe tonight?

Me: Ok. I’ll call you after 9.

K: Ok.

I have been working so much lately I completely forget to call her. I don’t want her to think I’m a flake. 

Thursday

Me: Sorry about last night I was chatting with my daughter and forgot. Hope you’re having a good day.

K: No problem.

Me: Can I see you this Saturday or Sunday?

K: Hi! May I know who is it… My phone was broken and just got a new phone… Haven’t updated all the contacts yet.

Me: (Sends pic) Charles from Bumble. We matched.

K: Oh hi! How are you? Sorry about that. I broke my phone! Sunday should be fine.

Me: Awesome! Can I meet you in the city after 4?

K: Where do you live? Sunday is usually very hard to find a parking spot in the city.

Me: I’m in Rittenhouse. You could come over on the Patco train.

K: Is that where you live?

Me. Yes. Rittenhouse.

K: I’ll try. I like to drive because sometimes I feel more comfortable when I go home at night by myself. Maybe I could find parking somewhere.

Me: I’ll pay for your parking. Sound good?

K: It’s alright. I think the most important thing is where to find a parking spot.

Me: Ok. Looking forward to meeting you.

K: Sure.

Doesn’t sound promising.

 

Saturday

Me: Still good for tomorrow after 4?

K: Yes.

Me: Great!

Later that night…

Me: Yay I’m going to meet you tomorrow! 5pm Devil’s Alley (I send her location)

K: Ok

Me: Looking forward to meeting you Kimiko. (smiley face)

K: (smiley face) Likewise.

 

So hopefully it’s on.

 

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Racquel Writes! The Struggles of Dating/Marrying a White Guy

via The Struggles of Dating/Marrying a White Guy

 

http://www.racquelwrites.com

 

 

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12 Annoying Things Women Do In front Of Their Men!

https://va.topbuzz.com/s/SvNRR

 

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Valentine’s Day – My Favorite Victoria’s Secret Super Model

I’ve decided to write about all of the celebrities I’ve met in my life. It’ll probably only be once a month, and I’ll crank them out until I run out of famous people.

First of all, Happy Valentine’s Day to all of my phicklephilly readers! I hope you’re in love or at least love something! If you’re not happy today, and if anyone starts talking about love, romance, hearts, cards, or chocolate, just slap them and say ‘it’s Wednesday!

It’s a coincidence and fitting that I release this piece on Valentine’s Day. Because this lady is and always will hold a special place in my heart.

This one happened about 11 years ago when I was working in Manhattan. The year was 2007.

I was sitting in a dive bar in Journal Square in Jersey City one evening after work. My buddy Howard was with me. I’m drinking a beer and reading the Daily News. On the Entertainment page was a little blurb at the bottom about how Alessandra Ambrosio was going to be making an appearance at the new Armani Exchange in Manhattan on Saturday afternoon.

I think every guy has an “It” girl in life. Some movie star, athlete, or model that they just adore. In the 70’s and 80’s for me it was Farrah Fawcett. I LOVED Farrah. I owned all of her posters starting with the famous red swimsuit. I was even a card carrying member of her fan club. Always watched Charlie’s Angels and all of her movies.

But sometime in the 90’s I noticed this one model in a Victoria’s Secret catalogue that really struck me. I didn’t know her name for several years. But once you have a woman in your life and order something from their catalogue, they never stop coming. They must send them out every couple of weeks because I had loads of them coming to the house.

I eventually found out the identity of this exquisite woman. Alessandra Ambrosio. I was in love. Her perfectly symmetrical face, with her feline eyes and lovely tawny hair is a combination that drove me nuts. I absolutely have adored Alessandra for years. I know I love beautiful women, it’s hard not to. But Alessandra to me is one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

Alessandra Ambrosio was born in Erechim, Brazil on April 11, 1981. Her parents are Brazilians of Italian, Portuguese and Polish ancestry and own a petrol station. She enrolled at a modelling class at the age of 12, and at the age of 14, she was one of 20 finalists for the 1995 Elite Model Look national competition for Brazil. Ambrosio was always insecure about her large ears, and at the age of 11, she had cosmetic surgery to have her ears pinned back, though two years later she suffered complications. In 2006, she appeared on The Tyra Banks Show, and said that the surgery was a bad experience and has discouraged her from ever getting plastic surgery again.

I would love Alessandra the same even if her ears stuck straight out like open car doors!

When Ambrosio was 12 years old, she partook in modeling classes, and then began modeling for Dilson Stein at age 15. Competing in Brazil’s Elite Model Look competition started her modeling career in earnest. Her first notable modeling job was shooting the cover of Brazilian Elle magazine. Elite passed along some of her Polaroids to Guess which led her booking the Millennium GUESS? campaign. She has since appeared in advertising campaigns for Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana, Calvin Klein, Oscar de la Renta, Christian Dior, Escada, Fendi, Giorgio Armani, Guess, Emporio Armani, Moschino, Gap, Hugo Boss, Ralph Lauren, Saks Fifth Avenue, Macy’s, Revlon, and the Pirelli Calendar. She has walked the catwalks for designers such as Prada, Chanel, Dolce & Gabbana, Givenchy, Christian Lacroix, Bottega Veneta, Escada, Tommy Hilfiger, Christian Dior, Marc Jacobs, Louis Vuitton, Balmain, Ralph Lauren, Halston, Vivienne Westwood, Giles Deacon, and Oscar de la Renta. She has appeared in numerous international magazine covers, including Cosmopolitan, Elle, GQ, Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Ocean Drive, Vogue and was the only model to appear on the cover of Glamour in the United States in 2006.

“I HAVE to go to A/X Armani Exchange on Saturday and try to see her! Do you want to go with me?”

“Why the hell would I want to go meet some supermodel? I’m gay!”

“Well she’s a fashion model and I figured you guys like stuff that’s fashionable.”

“I’m gay!”

So Saturday comes and I go to the local Rite Aid and buy a disposable camera. (Yea. I had a little cell phone back then before there were any iPhones or androids and that little phone didn’t have a camera in it. That thing was probably made by Fisher Price for all I know. A lot has happened in the world of technology in the last 15 years!)

So I’ve got my little cheapo plastic throw away camera and I hop on the PATH train into Manhattan. I get off at 32nd Street and walk East over to Fifth Avenue, The store is up around 56th Street so I need to walk north about 25 blocks. That’s a little bit of a hike. But it’s Saturday in the Summer and Manhattan is quiet on the weekends.

After awhile I finally reach the store. There’s a line of people to get in. I get in line behind this Asian girl and I go, “Is this the line to see Alessandra?”

“Oh, I have no idea. I just saw a lot of people here and I wanted to see what was going on.”

What a moron. How can she not know who Alessandra Ambrosio is?

The line is moving and I get inside.

The minute I lay eyes on the super queen I involuntarily gasp. I literally sucked air sharply into my lungs like I never have before.

I can’t believe I am standing in the same room with her. I can’t believe that I’m not seeing just a photograph of my queen. I am looking upon one of the most beautiful women in the world and the only thing that’s separating she and I is space.

I’m starstruck.

She sits down and starts signing things. I’m snapping pics and my heart is pounding. I’m getting closer!

Ohh…my love. My Queen! She is stunning! They take my name and write it on a little Post It. I assume this is because they don’t want any misspellings on the pictures she’s signing.

I finally reach Alessandra!!!

 

My arm around my queen!

I introduce myself and I can’t believe I am meeting her for real. She says my name and I swoon. My name coming from Alessandra’s lovely lips.

There she is! It’s really her! I’m shaking hands with my favorite woman on Earth. I’m looking into the eyes of the object of my desire for the last 10 years. She signs the photo, and I ask if they will take a photo of me with my camera. She agrees and I hand it to her handlers. I tell them to take a few just in case.

I put my arm around her, and lean in. My hand is on her shoulder! I’m touching Alessandra! My love!

I’m so close to Alessandra, I can smell her.

This is framed in my livingroom.

I will never be the same. I leave with my little camera full of photos, and the above autographed picture.

To Charles, Love, Alessandra. (Heart. Star.)

I love her even more now. I’ve met Alessandra Ambrosio! This day has been a dream come true. I’m holding the picture and I don’t want anything to happen to it, so I run across the street into of all things, a Victoria’s Secret. (Fitting!) I approach one of the sales girls and ask if I can have a bag.

“What do you need it for?”

I hold up the photo. “To protect this autographed picture of Victoria’s Secret model, Alessandra Ambrosio.”

The chick looks like she doesn’t know who Alessandra is and hands me a bag. I gently slide my treasure inside it. (puns abound) I thank the girl and nearly skip to the PATH station.

I’ve added these delicious little videos to close out this piece. I can’t watch the first one without getting worked up. I love her so much.

I met my super queen. I never met Farrah Fawcett. I loved her so much, but I met my new queen Alessandra. It was glorious day in my short life. She’ll never know how much I love her but I met her, We got a picture together, I touched her, and smelled her.

My lovely Alessandra…

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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