Julia – 2016 – Snack Girl

“I’m sorry I can’t see u today I feel not good I got diarrhea.”

I matched this cute kitty kat on the dating site, Ok Cupid. Please excuse any grammatical errors. They are her words not mine. Here is her profile:

Julia

30 – Philadelphia 39% match on ok cupid

Straight, Woman, Single, 4’11”

My self summary

I really want to have serious relationship at this time. cuz I don’t have time for playing the game..I’m not interested with multiple dating.. if u want to know to know about me pleaseee make sure u already clear with your past relationship. im sensitive person too. I like the guy who can talk more open & honest event that’s hurt (need to have respect each other)

I don’t like mommy boy I like the guy who is mature & independent (cuz I’m independent too) I have full-time job I work mon – fri 2- 11pm. I have house… I don’t have drivers license.

What I’m doing with my life

Working, relaxing, snacking etc

I’m really good at

Negotiations

Six things I could never do without

Phone

Snack

Money

Friends

Alarm

Key

On a typical friday night I am

I like stay at home at usually … snacking, watching TV etc.  But if my friends asking to hang ut it’s ok too depends on my mood that time,

You should message me if

If u ready to have serious relationship. NO ATHEIST & independent.

———————————————————————————————————————————-

So that’s her profile.

She certainly likes her snacks, right? If I bring enough snacks and a bible on the first date, do you think I’ll get lucky?

Here’s how our first conversation on the site went. It’s over several days and there are huge gaps of time between daily texts.

April 8

Me: Hello! It’s a match!

Her: Hi

April 10

Me: How was your weekend? I really like what you said in your profile. (A bold-faced lie. I don’t give a shit. She’s hot. But I know she’ll like that I read it.)

Her: My weekends its ok .. what I said make u interested.

Me: Would you like to meet up?

Her: ok no problem

April 11

Me: When can we meet? May I have your number?

Her: Next Sunday?

Her: (Gives me her number)

Me: I could do Sunday after 4pm.

Me: (Gives her my number)

Her: Sunday 23

Me: Ok

(That’s two weeks away)

(So normally once the phone numbers are exchanged both parties switch to just texting each other to make a plan to meet and no longer communicate on the dating site. Makes sense, right?)

(So I text her on her phone.)

April 11

Me: Hello!

Her: Hi

Me: Hi, I’m looking forward to meeting you on the 23rd.

Her: ok

April 12

(For some reason she writes me again on the dating site)

Her: U not sleepy yet

Me: How are you? I texted you

Her: Good thanks… hbu

April 13

Me: I’m doing great. But we have each other’s numbers. Shouldn’t we just text?

(Then it switches back to regular phone texting)

Me: Hello I just saw your post on Ok Cupid early this morning. Couldn’t sleep?

Me: Hello!

April 21

Me: Hello. Are we meeting up Sunday after 4?

Her: Who is this?

(How the fuck did that happen in a week?)

Me: It’s (My name) from Ok Cupid

Her: Can u send me pic please

(Now it’s getting weird)

Me: (Send her 2 photos of me)

Her: I’m sorry this sunday I can’t because I think u cancel cuz you not text me again.

(I don’t need to be in constant text/touch with anyone once I’ve made solid plans with them. We’re adults for goodness sake!)

Me: Ok. But you remember me now? How about this coming week?

Her: Oh yes u said u live in ritten house right

(Again. Sorry about her bad grammar)

Me: Yes. Are you still interested?

Her: ok next sunday morning 12 its ok?

Me: I work on Sundays till 4. I can do lunch during the week or Saturday anytime or Sunday after 4, or Monday night or Wednesday night.

Her: Monday morning?

Me: Ok. Can we meet in center city?

Her: Yes

Me: Lovely. What time?

Her: 11/12?

Me: Ok. so lunch! Do you have any dietary limitations?

Her: No.

Me: Any favorite foods?

Her: (Smiley face) We can go to simple coffee shop.

(I has hoping she’d say she wanted to go to a Snack Bar!!!!!)

Me: Ok

Yesterday

Me: Ok, so what time tomorrow and do you have a coffee shop you prefer?

Her: Oh yes. 12

Me: Is there a coffee shop you prefer?

Her: I prefer around center city.

Me: Meet me at The Last Drop Coffee Shop at 13th and Pine at 12 noon tomorrow.

Her: Ok

Me: Looking forward to meeting you

Today

Her: (My Name) I’m sorry I can’t see u today I feel not good I got diarrhea.

(Who plays that card before a first date? Do you think it’s from eating all the damn snacks?)

Me: Oh dear! I’m so sorry. I hope you feel better.

Her: Thank u… don’t know why I eat alot of fruit & yogurt last night … I try not eat rice.

(Gross!)

Me: I hope you’re feeling better!

Her: Thank u

Me: Is there another day you’d like to meet up this week? Tomorrow? Wednesday?

Her: I’m not sure for Wednesday cuz I need go to home depo in morning time my house have little bit construction stuff.

Me: Well, I’m out-of-town Thurs – Sun.

Her: its ok don’t worry about that


 

So for now I will end this chapter here. Hopefully I can get a first date with her even though she doesn’t seem all that bright. But beauty is forgivable and I will keep trying to make this happen. But so far it’s been brutal just trying to communicate with this woman so it may already be a fail.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Sarika -The Return of the Stone Fox

I reached out to Sarika, not because I like her, but I wanted to find out what she was up to with her life. I was just going to meet up with her for a drink, but my buddy Rocco hooked me up with two VIP tickets to Taste of Philly. So I decided to take her to that.

Taste of Philly is a big event that two large publications put on each year at the Crystal Tea Room. The Crystal Tea Room is a big event spaced owned by Finlay Catering. It’s actually on the 9th floor of the building Macy’s is in on Market Street. They gather a large group of food and beverage companies together in a few big rooms. They sell tickets for $35 a piece and hundreds of people come and stuff their heads, and drink their faces off all night. It’s a fun event and I always run into people I know. It’s nice to see and be seen. VIP is invited to arrive at 6pm and then at 7pm they let the rest of the animals in. Normally we hang for two hours and then bolt. Where else can you drink and eat that much food and booze for $35 in Philadelphia?  But we did it for free and VIP thanks to my man, Rocco. (See: Rocco – 2015 to Present – Amanda Peet)

I go to Square 1682 and wait for her. She arrives shortly thereafter. She looks absolutely beautiful as always. Her skin actually looks a little darker. I comment about it and she says she’s been traveling. She says when she’s not working she takes little trips. So she has obviously been going to places that have lots of sunshine. But even with darker skin she actually looks more exotic and even hotter. Just a stone fox.

She has a really good job as an engineer for a scientific research company. She has been there for over a year now. She had a romantic affair with one of her co-workers at her last place of employment and it didn’t end well. So she ended up leaving and having to switch jobs. Super hot, but can’t keep a man.

She tells me she moved from her crappy apartment on 19th street. She now lives in a really posh high-rise in Rittenhouse. Initially when I asked her to meet for a drink she invited me over to her place. Now I know why. She wanted to show me her awesome new apartment. She showed me some pics of her views, and they are spectacular. It’s a one bedroom and she’s only paying $1500. Which is a great deal for the location and the amenities of living in that building. I bring her up to speed on my life and she tells me what she’s been doing.

It sounds like she has a bit of a lonely life. Works all the time, and has to travel extensively for that job. Traveling for work is exhausting. I’ve lived that life. She makes great money, but instead of coming home and resting, she’s taking these little vacations all of the time. It’s almost as if she is running away from her life. Always trying to escape something. Maybe she’s trying to forget something. All of her past brief relationships have all ended in heartbreak.

She always comes off very blunt and honest. She’s extremely bright but she’s also cunning and a bit mean.But that wasn’t the case tonight. She is perfectly well-behaved. I asked her what ever happened to that guy she was seeing. (The one she wanted to bring as a date to the $80 a plate New Years event I invited her to last year.) She dismisses me, saying, “I don’t want to talk about it.” She always says that when her relationships end badly. So he probably dumped her or cheated on her and then dumped her. It happened to Halle Berry and Jennifer Anniston. It always just amazes me that a young woman who is beautiful can’t keep a man. (Sarika is definitely one of the most gorgeous women I know) I am sure they are captivated by her beauty initially, but once her best representative falls away, she reveals her true self. A vacuous, mean-spirited girl who cares for no one but herself.

Rocco arrives with the VIP tickets. It’s great to see him because it’s been awhile. I am sipping my signature chardonnay with ice. Sarika is sticking with water because she says she’s trying to lose weight. She’s smoking hot and doesn’t need to lose any weight. But it always seems like she is on a diet. What woman isn’t? It’s kind of sad.

Rocco pounds two martinis into himself. Which surprised me, but then I thought to myself, he still works for one of the companies that puts on tonight’s event. They have recently been bought out by their distributor, and I hear the new management are a bunch of assholes. So maybe Rocco needs a little medication before he faces all of those clowns that will be there tonight.

We head over to the event. We get there around 6:20pm. But there is a huge line outside waiting to check in and get up the elevators. Apparently they are not ready upstairs and they missed the 6pm VIP opening. That is not good. But being the arrogant punks we are, we just blaze by everyone and go to the front of the line. We didn’t even get out little paper bracelets to say we were VIP. We tell the angry mob that we are VIP and work for the company that puts on the event, so technically we weren’t lying. Sarika is delighted by our attitudes.

The event was good and the food and drinks were delicious. We just kept going back to the VIP bar and getting refills. Sarika was drinking and stuffing her head with delicious treats. So there goes that supposed diet. But we’re all having a great time. I run into many people I know and we are all getting a solid buzz on. Then something extraordinary happened.

I’m walking along with Sarika by my side and I see someone I haven’t laid eyes on since 1979.

If you didn’t see someone for 35 years you may not recognize them. The same would go for you. 35 years is a long time. But with the advent of social media, I recognized him. If I hadn’t been connected to him on Facebook, we would have walked right by each other like strangers.

I say his name and he recognizes me as well. I hug him and I am so happy to see him. He was the bass player in my first rock band. I remember him as a skinny, awkward teen with long blonde hair, who wore glasses and had a shaggy little beard.

Now he’s a big fat guy with a full grey beard and short grey hair. At least he didn’t go bald. He introduces me to his average looking wife who is in her 50’s as well. I’m making a big fuss over him, and start singing lyrics to a song that he wrote. I have that kind of memory. He’s smiling and laughing. His wife asks who I am. He tells her I was the singer in the group Renegade back in the seventies. She’s amazed. He says I look the same, just a little older. He then says that he now looks like Santa Claus. (He sort of does resemble that jolly old elf) I tell him he looks great. He glances over at Sarika, and I introduce her. He looks back at me and says, “I see you haven’t changed.”

That sly compliment is better than money to me.

We go on our way and keep munching and drinking our way through the event. Michelle would have loved an event like this. We run into a few more people we know and it’s a fun night. Sarika is very well-behaved and I’m having  good time with her.

After awhile we’re getting tired, and decide we have seen everything that we wanted to and we head out. We thank Rocco for the tickets and say goodnight. I walk Sarika back to her place but don’t go up.

Sarika has redeemed herself… for now.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 9am EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly