Tales of Rock – A Word on David Bowie, Lori Mattix, (Lori Maddox) and the Speed of Information – Part 1

Four months ago, on January 10 of this year, music icon David Robert Jones — better known by his stage name, David Bowie — passed away at the age of 69 from cancer.

On January 11, the website Thrillist republished an interview with former rock groupie Lori Mattix (sometimes anglicized to Maddox or Madox). In that interview, she stated that she lost her virginity to David Bowie in 1973. At the age of fifteen.

Mattix claimed in that interview that it was a positive experience, but that in no way changes the fact that a 26 year old having sex with a 15 year old is statutory rape. He was an adult; she was barely a teenager. Whatever consent she may have given would be seriously, if not fatally, compromised by that simple fact.

In the wake of the global, public mourning of Bowie’s death, Mattix’s story went viral. This in turn launched countless thinkpieces on rape culture, drug culture, the rapidly-evolving sexual mores of the 70s, and the limits of consent in the face of massive power differentials. What it did not launch, however, was a factual examination of Mattix’s claim.

There are, of course, a number of very good reasons Mattix’s story was treated as credible, despite the fact that Thrillist — a self-described “leading men’s digital lifestyle brand, providing all that’s new, unknown or underappreciated in food, drink, entertainment, nightlife, gadgets and gear” — isn’t exactly a serious journalistic enterprise. In a society that so often assumes, without justification, that women are lying about their experiences with sex in general and sexual assault in particular, it is critically important to give women the benefit of the doubt unless and until there is a very good reason to do otherwise.

Moreover, the “baby groupie” scene was undoubtedly real, and there’s no question that, for instance, Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler and the Rolling Stones’ Bill Wyman repeatedly committed statutory rape with underage groupies. The fact that an underage Mattix had an ongoing relationship with Led Zeppelin’s Jimmy Page is also undisputed; it is heavily corroborated and well-documented, and pictures of them together are widely available. Rock stars in the ’70s were notoriously shameless about their underage targets.

Jimmy Page with Lori Mattix, 1973

But the question is not whether classic rock had a statutory rape problem. That much is not in dispute, and the fact that we now by and large consider it unacceptable shows that, while we have a long way to go, changing the standards by which our culture operates can and does work. We don’t have any obligation to give powerful men impunity with respect to their personal lives on the basis of their artistic contributions; if anything, our cultural idols need to be held to a higher standard of behavior, not a lower one. The question here, though, is whether the claims about Bowie *in particular* withstand a fact-check.

One problem is that despite the fact that Mattix — who, in addition to Bowie and Page, claims to have had affairs with Mick Jagger, Jeff Beck, Ronnie Wood, Mickey Finn, Angela Bowie, Keith Emerson, Carl Palmer, and Jimmy Bain —asserts that she encountered Bowie multiple times over a period spanning ten years, there appear to be neither photos of them together nor any contemporaneous materials corroborating a sexual encounter between them. That seems especially strange given that — in no small part due to his publicly proclaimed bisexuality — Bowie’s sex life was, if anything, subject to more scrutiny and intrigue than the average rocker’s, not less. Bowie would have had to go to far greater lengths than the average rock star to hide affairs with underage girls; meanwhile, same-sex sexual activity between consenting adults was also illegal in California at the time (and remained so until 1975), and he took no small amount of pride in openly flouting those laws.

 

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The Girls of Sweden

In the manosphere, especially at the Roosh V forum, much has been said about Sweden and its girls. On Return of Kings writers tend to focus more on feminism, multiculturalism and that things overall are heading in the wrong direction in the Nordic country in question. However, Roosh has reported on this particular topic. Since […]

via The girls of Sweden — Syncretic Politics

 

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One Thing You Need to Do If Your Spouse Rejects Your Advances in Bed

You give your lover a kiss and caress them but they don’t respond.

You’re lying in bed at night next to your lover. The day is over, there are many things to do tomorrow, but tomorrow is hours and a sunrise away. Co-workers and people in your life are the worst.

They give you a lot of problems, treat you poorly, and you feel unappreciated by them. Thankfully, you’re with someone you love who won’t treat you like those strangers do.

So, you give your lover a kiss and caress them…but they don’t respond.

If this happens once, you can rationalize that your lover is tired. But when this happens over and over again — the lack of response, the half-hearted responses, or the lack of enthusiasm — you come to the conclusion that you’re stuck in a sexless marriage.

Now, you just want to know how to save your marriage from this lack of intimacy…if it can even be saved.

It can make you feel a number of things:

  • Loneliness
  • Shame
  • Your lover finds you disgusting
  • She doesn’t want you
  • She doesn’t need you

You may want to talk about it, but how do you talk to someone who is so emotionally far away from you and is actively pulling away and rejecting you?

This spirals you down into painful thoughts of other ways they show that they find you disgusting or don’t want you.

You’ll think about the times they don’t kiss you goodbye, didn’t say that they love you, didn’t hold your hand when you were out in public, or didn’t pay attention to you when you really needed them.

You start tallying all the evidence to show that they don’t love you. Or even worse, you tally up all the evidence to show that you’re not worthy of being loved.

So, in your shame you attack yourself.

  • You’re disgusting.
  • You’ve gained weight.
  • You haven’t made as much money this year.
  • You’re not home as much.
  • You haven’t given them all the affection they need.

Now, you want to choose how to kill your relationship: arguments or emotional deadness. You want to attack and hurt your lover because you also felt hurt by their rejection. If this isn’t handled, vicious arguments will start or cold and silent resentment will brew. The fights will be disguised and seem like they are about other things.

You will pick fights over how your lover is not cleaning dishes after they eat or not cleaning up after themselves. These arguments will all be attacks that start with, “You don’t…!” They’re all attacks to hurt them because you feel hurt by them.

Can love last this way? No, it won’t. And the only way to save your marriage is to talk and communicate with your spouse.

If you don’t discuss the lack of sex, ambiguous interpretations will come into your mind which will lead to arguments and too often destroys a relationship and family.

The goal of figuring out how to have a conversation about your sexless relationship is to try and determine what is going on through genuinely communicating with your lover. A lot of the time, these issues can be worked through since the lack of sex is a symptom of something deeper that is wrong in the relationship.

If you’re staying and invested in what you believe is a “dead” relationship, there are steps you can take to initiate this painful conversation.

But, a word of caution: not knowing how to value yourself and how to have meaning in your life will keep you in this repetition of staying and investing in a dead relationship.

Examples of this include not saying that you’re feeling sexually and emotionally rejected, having an affair, or exploding in rage.

These are the ways to not adequately ask for what you want in a relationship because you feel you do not deserve to be happy and cannot tolerate the frustration of relationships.

There is one “not so small” thing you can do.

If your lover initiates sex but you’re not in the mood that day because of the millions of things that rightfully exhaust you, empathize with them to think about what it might mean to them to reject them. Even harder to do, ask them about it.

Or do the easier thing and tell them you have a headache, that you’re tired, that you have to wake up early and go to sleep making believe that you’ll take care of this issue tomorrow.

There are solutions out there to the many problems we have in our relationships. You can learn what words to avoid and what to avoid thinking to avoid an argument so you can continue to live in a way that is fulfilling to your lives.

 

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7 Tough-But-Honest Reasons Why People Cheat — Emotionally and Physically

It’s not just an urge.

Cheating is a destructive event that can happen within any relationship. It is important to be aware that people have different definitions of what cheating means to them. That’s why there are so many different reasons for why people cheat.

For example, some people believe flirting is an innocent act while other people may feel that it is a sign of much more.

There are different types of cheating, which include:

  • Physical cheating: Physically cheating is when a person within a relationship engages in a sexual activity with another person outside of the relationship. It could include engaging in physical activities like hugging, kissing, and ;sexual activities.
  • Emotional cheating: Emotional cheating can begin harmlessly. It may start off with someone intimately talking about problems within their lifestyle to another person outside of the relationship. These two people can begin to form a strong bond that develops into a sexually charged emotional connection.
  • Sexting: Sexting is when two people sexually flirt via the text messaging system on their mobile phones or computers. It can include sending inappropriate photos to each other.
  • Online cheating: Cyber cheating, or online cheating, happens when two people develop a passionate relationship online through social networking services. It could include the use of Facebook and dating websites like OkCupid or Tinder.

The interactions may at first be flirty but can quickly lead to an intimate development.

A good way to know whether you have cheated is to understand whether you would tell your partner about the interaction you had with another person.

A noted clinical psychologist with a specialty in infidelity, Dr. Alicia H. Clark says, “Secrecy is a good litmus test — if you wouldn’t tell your partner about the interaction, no matter how ‘innocent’ you think it is, you’re having an affair.”

Everyone already understands that cheating is wrong, so why do people cheat?

Here are 7 of the most common reasons married men and women have for emotional cheating and other types of affairs.

1. A person is not committed to the relationship.

People are placed in situations where people may flirt with them, which may have never happened to them before. Some people are given the opportunity to cheat and within that moment they are not afraid of the consequences. The feeling of the chase may be more captivating than maintaining a relationship.

Dr. Clark stated: “Novelty is a big player in attraction, and anonymity offers opportunity. Maybe you meet some guy on a plane, and he flirts with you, flatters you, and gives you something you’re not getting in your primary relationship. If you engage in a way that helps you fill whatever void you have in your primary relationship, you’re entering emotional infidelity territory.”

2. People use cheating is an excuse to end the relationship.

A person within the relationship may fall out of love. The person looking to leave the relationship may cheat so the relationship ends.

3. A person’s relationship needs are not met.

People have different needs within their sex life that only their partner can fulfill.

These needs include passion, romance, affection, attention, love, sex and feelings of appreciation. If the needs are not met it can bring on feelings of being taken for granted, loneliness, tension, and neglect. In some cases, they may have asked their partner to try something new to spice their relationship up, but the request was ignored.

The feelings of sexual exploration, motivation and curiosity can outweigh a boring sex life which can make two people grow apart. Eventually, a person may begin to find another way to get their needs met. For many people, this is the beginning of an emotional affair — and eventually a physical one.

4. The couple does not spend time maintaining the relationship.

There are a lot of responsibilities that can get in the way of maintaining a personal relationship. Some things include work, cooking, cleaning and children. Maintaining a relationship is just as important as all of the other responsibilities in our life, people just need to set aside time to spend with each other.

5. Lack of expression and communication within a relationship.

People often forgot to tell each other how much they mean to each other or forget to discuss important aspects of their relationship. Lack of communication can mean there was no way for their relationship to grow.

6. A need for self-exploration.

When two people spend all their time together, things can grow boring. Sometimes people need personal space to separate themselves from their relationship. Some people look to someone else to help build their own personal identity.

7. Insecurities.

Some people are insecure and feel like their partner will cheat on them or their relationship won’t last.

Some insecure people cheat first before they get hurt, because cheating is easier than feeling emotional pain.

 

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This Is The Difference Between Casual Hookups & Casual Relationships, According To Experts

It can be near impossible to know what to call the person you’re “seeing” (read: sleeping with) but not really “dating” (read: attending family functions with). Are they your boo? Your date? Your “special friend?” The difference between casual hookups and casual relationships can be super #confusing and couple-specific. If your life resembles a hookup-turns-to-LTR rom-com (like Friends With Benefitsor No Strings Attached), you may have seamlessly transitioned from sleeping with someone here and there, to going to their work parties and being featured on their *public* Insta (that’s dating, right?). But if your life is anything like mine, “Sleeping With Someone For Four Months Without Ever DTRing, So You Have No Clue What’s Happening” would undoubtedly be a lengthy chapter in your memoir.

“Both casual relationships and hookups are designed to stay compartmentalized and not have the burden of commitment on either partner,” Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method, tells Elite Daily. “A causal relationship is a physical and emotional relationship without the commitment, labels, or demands of a committed relationship. A casual hookup is a sexual relationship that only exists for fulfilling sexual needs.”

Whether you slept with a cutie one time and have no intentions of doing it again or you plan on getting frisky often but are set in keeping things purely physical, you may be clear on the fact that you’re in a casual hookup situation. “Usually it is a purely sexual/physical relationship where there are no relational strings attached,” Shula Melamed, MA, MPH, and well-being coach says. A casual hookup can be a relationship based in getting it on with a boo, without any other expectations. “This is a hookup buddy or a FWB situation — a person in your life you can text at any hour (typically late night) and hookup,” Relationship Coach Nina Rubin says. “You know each other well enough for sex or to hookup but you don’t typically date or make plans.” If you have no interest in going to the museum with your ~special friend~ or meeting their mom, having a casual hookup could be a sexy and fun way to get your physical needs met. Of course, navigating a strictly hookup situation can get a little sticky if one party starts to want more than the physical stuff, “The difference for hookups are that sometimes one partner is hoping that the relationship evolves into something beyond just sexual satisfaction,” Silva says. Still, if you and your boo are clear on what you want from your sexy time together, keeping your relationship purely physically may be ideal for you.

Of course, if you slept with a cutie and then kind of kept sleeping with them (without talking about your long-term plans with them) or if you’re ultimately interested in more than just sex — it may be hard to establish exactly what the heck is going on. “Usually, in any kind of ‘relationship,’ you are doing more together than just hooking up or being physical,” Melamed says. “A casual relationship is one in which the obligations that the couple have to one and other may be looser (i.e. don’t attend family holidays, work events, or anything else ‘couple-y’), but there are moments when you spend time together outside just hooking up.”

If you like to go on dates but you’re not trying to be exclusive, or if you enjoy spending time together but haven’t established anything more than that, you may be more in the “casual dating” territory. “This is a dating relationship that doesn’t have to lead to anything. You and your companion enjoy activities and spending time together, but are not trying to take the relationship ‘to the next level,'” Rubin says. Of course, ‘the next level’ means something different for everyone. If you’ve only been in more hookup situations, going on a literal “date” could be a step. If you’ve been “casually seeing” someone, asking to be exclusive could take things to a new level.

According to the experts, there are a number of factors that can distinguish a casual hookup from a casual relationship. “I think the biggest difference is time of day! (Ha!) Actually, a difference is that the casual hookup usually is just about the physical connection,” Rubin says. Your hookup may be turning into a casual relationship, “When you start to like each other or make plans to get together,” Rubin says. From making special plans for activities to do with them to hanging out without having sex — a casual relationship can mean you and your date are open to more than just having sex.

From wanting to see your person during the day to solely sticking to bed-bound hangouts, the nature of your dates may inform the nature of your relationships. “The biggest difference between hookup and dating is the emotional attachment and intent you had about the person from the beginning of your arrangement. A hookup can progress into something more when there are mutual feelings involved,” Silva says.

Of course, if you’re unsure about where your boo is at, or what you and your special friend are doing, it’s totally natural to feel confused or a little stressed about the whole situation. According to Melamed, the best thing to do is to communicate frequently about what’s going on. “The mistake many people make in these more casual arrangements is not talking about the relationship and the what the parameters are. These relationships usually get messy when someone thinks there are ‘more’ or ‘less’ obligations to one and other when no conversation has transpired,” Melamed says. If you’ve ever tried to sit down with the person you’ve been sleeping with for four months to flush out “what you are,” you may already know how challenging it can be (I’m stressed just thinking about it).

If you’ve started to catch feelings or you’ve realized you’re not totally equipped for something casual, it may feel overwhelming to discuss what you need from your boo or how your intentions with them have evolved. “People tend to avoid these discussions because they are afraid they will be asked for something they can’t or don’t want to deliver,” Melamed says. While it may seem intimidating, according to Melamed, the moment of discomfort can be worth it in the long run as it can combat some major pain or bigger issues down the line. “In the most positive and productive way, the two of you talk about it and decide together. In the least productive and potentially harmful way, one person decides and expects the other person to step up in a way that they aren’t even aware is expected of them,” Melamed says.

If you’ve started to feel more serious about your casual relationship, you may start to feel a little resentful or angry when your boo isn’t reciprocating. If you got into something a little more casual than you wanted, and you’re struggling to communicate your needs to your date because you feel the pressure to “be chill” or “not demanding” about what you actually want (my brand), it may be worthwhile to check in with yourself about what you’re feeling.

“If your intent from the beginning was to use sex as a screener for a relationship and the other person felt completely comfortable just keeping it physical, you may have to evaluate why you want to pursue a one-sided relationship,” Silva says. Going along in a relationship you’re not totally fulfilled with, hoping that it will one day become what you want, can set you up for some major heartache. Although talking to your boo can’t guarantee that they’re feeling the same way you are, it can help clarify whatever the heck it is that they are feeling, and can help you navigate the best way to move forward.

You deserve the type of relationship you want, whether it’s super exclusive and serious or really open and casual. From hooking up to dating to literally walking down the aisle, if you’re confused about what you’re doing with your boo at anystage — it may be time to talk to them about it. Although it may seem scary to DTR, the clarity can ultimately help you get what you deserve and want from love. Remember: Prioritizing your own wellbeing is nothing to keep casual.

 

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Guy learns the hard way to be careful who you drunkenly hook up with at a family wedding

Here’s a good one!

No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. And quite often, these mistakes involve the notoriously problem-causing combination of alcohol and sex (that combo is probably why a lot of us even exist). But no matter how embarrassing or horrifying your drunken mistakes have been, you can pat yourself on the back knowing you didn’t mess up as badly as this guy (and gal) who had an extremely rude awakening after a drunken night at a wedding—a family wedding, if that’s any indication of how bad this mistake was.

Teen Reddit user seasickjellyfish shared this story to the sub-Reddit “TIFU” (Today I F*cked Up) where it went viral. And that’s how we know it’s a doozy.

It all begins at his uncle’s wedding, about 18-20 months ago (you, too, would be blurry on the details if you were him—some memories remain hazy for a reason):

So this happened about 18 months ago, or somewhere in the vicinity of 18-20 months. I still get flak from this from both family and friends.

So, the setting: my uncle’s wedding. It’s around Autumn and my uncle by my mothers side, from an exceptionally large family (this is relevant), is getting married for the second time. Now my family is very large. My mother has 3 brothers and 5 sisters. All with children of their own, and some even with children of their own now.

The wedding isn’t what I would describe as large, pretty much encompassing just family and close friends. All in all, there can’t have been more than 50 or 60 people there, and around 60% (at a rough estimate) or so are related by blood to me. They make up the majority is what I’m trying to say, and many are spread over whom I have only briefly met, or in some cases, never met. Well, you can see where this is going.

For reference, I would be around mid 17 in this story, with the age of consent in my country (UK) being 16. The girl, who we shall call Isla, was 22 or 23.

Well, at the reception, I am having a good time with my sister, parents and cousins. Dancing, heavily indulging in drinking etc. Just generally enjoying myself as it is rare for large family gatherings for us for obvious reasons.

A girl I don’t recognise begins to dance with me on the (very crowded) dance-floor. She’s older than me clearly, but I thought maybe 19 or 20. Anyway, we start dancing, touching etc. She twerks on me a little, I grind a bit and I presume nobody noticed due to accumulated intoxication and crowdedness around where we were. One things leads to another, we start kissing and she asks me if I want to go ‘upstairs’, which I correctly take to mean her room in the hotel (it was a hotel wedding).

You don’t have to be a mind-reader or a psychic to predict what happened next. He continues:

I, of course, being a hormonal teenage boy (still am), jump at the opportunity and say yes. I should say this wasn’t my first time or anything and by this point I carried condoms around in my wallet when I went out and knew I would be drinking.

So we proceed to discreetly (or so I think) take our leave. Both drunk, obviously, but not to the point of not being in control of our actions, or stumbling around/blackout etc. I get to her room, a bit of excited talk, and clothes come off. All is going well. Now, I should say that all this time I’m assuming this girl is a relative (or perhaps friend?) of the bride. Oh boy. I was in for a shock. Because, as it turns out, she thought the same of me.

As we were ‘cleaning up’, so to speak, we begin a little small-talk when before had mostly just been purely sexual. She eventually asks how I know the bride (let us call her Emma). I stop. Thunderstruck. The realisation slowly creeping up on me and oh, the horror. I laugh it off (hoping, in vain) she is joking and state I am the son of (insert mothers name). The shock is palpable on who I then realised as my cousins face as she was putting her bra back on. She sort of freaks out and says she’s the estranged daughter of one of my uncles who’s had a troubled life, whom she had very recently reconnected with (I did not know this). We essentially collectively let out a ‘fuckkkkk’.

How I would respond if I just learned I accidentally boinked one of my family members. Yes, I said boinked. That’s how upsetting this story is.

But at least no one ever found out about what happened between them…..SIKE. The story somehow gets even worse:

From there we got dressed quickly and decided to never reveal this major cock-up to a soul and hope to God we had not been noticed (alas). We decided it would be best if she were to leave first, and that I would follow around 5-10 minutes later.

Well I do. She leaves first, and I just kind of stand around in the hallway on my phone freaking out for a short while until I decide enough time has passed to erode suspicion.

Well, first thing I see when I get down is the look of pure disappointment on my mothers face, the stupid fucking grin on my fathers and half my cousins faces and my sister looking in disgust, as though she was watching a particularly repulsive sea-slug. One of my cousins whom I am close to pats me on the back, shaking his head and laughing his absolute head off. I know I am defeated then and quietly take a seat expecting the utter bollocking I will later receive from my family. My elderly 90 year old grandmother was there for fucks sake. And word was not quiet. I didn’t see Isla or her father again that reception and later found out she told him and he took her home, not to the hotel she had booked, by way of taxi.

So yeah. I accidentally took part in (protected, thank-God) incest. It is brought up at every, and I mean every, family-gathering. A couple of my cousins have taken to playing ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ and asking when the next date is whenever I enter the room.

After (soberly) explaining to my parents it was an accident and I fully believed she was not a relative (like they should have questioned it) they were okay-ish with it, but still disappointed and annoyed a little. My father asked me how I’d failed to notice Isla (apparently) sat literally the row behind us, and I had no answer. Gotta work on my observation skills I guess. Not only do my family still tease me, but my friends found out from my sister within days and I’ve been relentlessly teased by them at most social gatherings since. You can imagine how many cousin/incest/alabama jokes daily.

I am ashamed to this day. Even more so because she is an objectively attractive woman. As one might imagine, the limited interactions we’ve had since have been extremely strained and awkward, not helped by my dickhead cousins. There is another big family wedding coming up this summer, and since the announcement ‘the incident’ as it’s come to be known as has been all that’s been discussed within my hearing.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed that rollercoaster. If you have any questions feel free, and once again, do forgive the surely egregious formatting as I am just popping my Reddit virginity with this story, which I’ve been encouraged to (anonymously) post online by friends so as to make you all laugh as much as them.

TL;DR I had sex with my uncles estranged daughter at a family wedding my first time meeting her. Everybody in the (large family) knew then, and now, and will never let me live this down.

And the moral of this horror story is: Always, always, always take a 23 And Me test before hooking up with someone you met at a family wedding, or a non-family wedding—or, just to be safe, anywhere. You know what, actually? Never sleep with someone again. Just to be safe.

LIFE IS A NIGHTMARE. The End.

 

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Handful of Dates – Part 3

Three Sleep

Now some girls are not looking for a committed relationship. I see all the time in subreddits askmen, seduction, relationship, relationship_advice about girls that want to get with a guy they like without being in a relationship. I have on a few occasions where I been invited over late at night to their place as a first date. After this girl and I hooked up at her place I wanted to go to the bathroom to throw the condom away and clean up. It was a one bedroom apartment and the one bathroom was in the bedroom. We had sex in the living room. She had mentioned she had a kid. When I entered the bedroom she had three kids sleeping on a queen bed together. I pretended not to notice. I then go into the kitchen to get some water and saw mail sitting on counter from child services and the state, turns out she was a welfare mom with three kids from two different guys. She was also only 23. She had told me she was a supervisor for a company and had one kid. Like many of these stereotypical people she also had an iPhone, watches, jewelry, nice lingerie, but was also receiving food stamps.

 

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