The Racist

A few years ago I’m walking down the street just finishing a conversation on my old ass, craptastic, flip phone. Just as I’m hanging up, wham, I bump into someone and drop my phone. I apologize, grab my phone, and head back to work.

Ten minutes later I get a phone call: Hey, I think we switched phones by accident.” Turns out the girl I bumped into had the same phone as me. Anyways, we plan to meet at a local coffee place after work that day to trade back. I walk up and see this very cute ginger wearing a suit dress. We chat for a bit: turns out she works at a bank, likes what I like, and is totally up for getting dinner this weekend! Great!

Saturday evening rolls around and I swing by her place to pick her up. Out her door walks a girl who looks remarkably like said date only instead of professional office clothes, she is wearing 4 inch platform ho boots, fishnet stalkings, some sorta corset like top and and spiky hair.

Now normally I don’t really care about a person’s style, but I was bit taken aback. “Who cares” I think and jump out to open the door.

Cue witty banter.

Everything is going great! Shes laughing at my jokes and her humor seems to match mine perfectly. She asks what the plan is for the night and I tell her I’m going to take her to my absolute favorite high-quality dining establishment… and get her a Big Mack. Hell, if she plays her cards right, I might even supersize it. She runs with the joke, and even one-ups me. My spirits are high. She might have wild fashion, but this chick is cool.

We arrive at this nice pub in town and I turn off the car.

“What about McDonalds?” Legit confused look on her face…

I laugh and upon seeing her face stop in confusion. We head inside and order dinner. I have a scotch and she orders the biggest boot (this restaurant has glass boots) of bud light I’ve ever seen. The waiter comes over and takes our order. As he’s leaving, my date whispers rather loudly: “I can’t believe they let his people in such a classy place. We should probably check our food for spit before we eat it.”

Our waiter is black and has ears…

So I am beginning to panic. She continues her whispered commentary on the supremacy of whites all the while putting away an obscene (but impressive) quantity of beer. Dinner arrives and she makes a point of checking her plate for saliva. Waiter and I make eye contact and I like to think that he understood that I agreed with him that this girl was nuts.

So three more boots of beer later, she excuses herself for a bathroom break while I take care of the check. I apologize profusely to the waiter for my date’s conduct. Dude is a true gentleman: “Don’t worry about it man, there are all sorts of people in this world.” My date returns and we head out.

In MY car she pulls out a cigarette and lights up. Doesn’t even bother putting the window down. “We should go shooting out at my dad’s farm! What’s your favorite fun?”

I vaguely excuse myself from such activities and point out that it is rather later and time to go home. I drop her off at her house and she says: This was great, except for that waiter. We should totally go get that Big Mac next time. See you soon!”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly       Facebook: phicklephilly    twitter: @phicklephilly

Advertisements