If you’re a young person in America, your political views are probably something you hold close to your heart, no matter where you fall on the spectrum. That being said, matching with a moderate hottie who voted for Donald Trump in 2016, or a snack who refuses to vote in 2020 if their candidate isn’t the front-runner is terrifying — but it’s also very possible. These conversations can be dicey and maybe even mood-killing, despite being so d*mn important. So, you’re stuck asking yourself a very valid question: When should you talk about politics while dating?
You’ve probably witnessed the explosive potential of talking politics with your family, and needless to say, that’s probably not the vibe you want for a first date. But even though bringing up politics early on while dating may seem too personal, you’re better off just ripping off the Band-Aid, says dating expert Julie Spira — especially because our country is so divided.
“For the first time, differing politics has become the number one deal-breaker in relationships,” Spira, author of Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships, tells Elite Daily. “Since politics is so much more than supporting a party, and the issues at stake are severe, [dating success] really comes down to finding someone with shared values.”
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“If your partner doesn’t feel the way you do about women’s rights, children separated at the border in cages, and healthcare, your values won’t be aligned,” Spira continues. Someone’s political views can say a lot about them, from their soft spots to their privilege to their views on equality and conflict.
Even the decision to be apolitical can be a point of contention in relationships. So if you wouldn’t be cool with dating someone who’s apolitical or don’t want to waste your time on someone with totally opposite views, it helps to be upfront about these potential deal-breakers.
“Since we’re in an election season now with primaries and debates filling the news cycle, not having an opinion isn’t an option anymore,” she says. “My research shows that 87% of singles won’t date someone who didn’t and won’t vote, showing that being a voter is actually a sexy trait.”
So, apart from worrying about what you’re wearing or if your date is as cute in-person as they are on Tinder, you’ll probably have to prepare for questions like, “Who are you voting for?” If you’ve got your answer ready, don’t shy away from giving it and explaining which issues are a deciding factor in your endorsement.
“If you prefer to have a date in a politics-free zone, then treat it the same way as if someone starts to talk about their ex,” Spira explains. “I recommend politely, saying, ‘Oh, I don’t talk about politics until the third date,’ and smile or wink at your date.”
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If you’re only justright of center or you’re still heartbroken about Elizabeth Warren dropping out of the race, you can eliminate a lot of heartache (and headache) by putting your political affiliation in your dating app profile. “It’s simple to show so by wearing political swag such as a MAGA hat or ‘vote blue no matter who [apparel] in your profile photos,” Spira says. “On your profile, you can add, ‘Swipe left if you voted right,’ or ‘Must support our president.'”
You might also end up dating someone who you disagree with on certain issues, but align with on core values. “Finding a compatible date doesn’t mean you should only be interested in a mirror-version of yourself,” Spira offers. “Learning another point of view can enrich your life, and having a lively political debate, as long as you’re not attacking each other, could make for an interesting night on the town.”
You’ll know in your gut who feels like a good fit politically and who doesn’t. As hot and exciting as your date may be, do both of you a favor and don’t be afraid to jump right into the political conversation. It might make things uncomfortable for a moment, but you’ll thank yourself later.
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The vice presidential glass ceiling has been broken.
California Sen. Kamala Harris will make history as the first woman elected vice president, now that Joe Biden won enough states to capture the White House.
Biden beat Donald Trump four years after Hillary Clinton came up short in her bid to be the first female president.
Her husband, entertainment lawyer Doug Emhoff, will be the first “Second Gentleman.”
Harris has said she expects to work closely with Biden, offering him a perspective shaped by a different background.
“It is about a partnership that also is informed by one of the reasons I think Joe asked me to join him, which is that he and I have – we have the same ideals and values but we have very different life experiences,” Harris said during her final fundraiser for the campaign.
President Barack Obama has called her an “ideal partner” for Biden who is more than prepared for the job as “someone who knows what it’s like to overcome barriers.”
Only the second Black woman to be elected to the Senate, Harris was the first Black woman to be elected district attorney in San Francisco and attorney general of California.
Biden had faced tremendous pressure to choose a woman of color as his running mate because of the large role African Americans – and particularly Black women – have played in the Democratic Party and because of the racial issues thrust into the foreground by the coronavirus pandemic and the deaths of Black Americans at the hands of police.
“There is no vaccine for racism,” Harris said during her vice presidential acceptance speech. “We’ve got to do the work for George Floyd, for Breonna Taylor and for the lives of too many others to name.”
Announcing his choice, Biden called the former prosecutor a “fearless fighter for the little guy, one of the country’s finest public servants.”
Only two ran before her
Harris was only the third female vice presidential nominee of a major party ticket.
Her debate with Vice President Mike Pence was the second-most watched vice presidential debate, after the 2008 matchup between Biden and former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, who was running mate to Republican nominee John McCain.
Harris’ response when Pence tried to cut in on her time, “Mr. Vice President, I’m speaking – I’m speaking,” sparked a meme. T-shirts, face masks and other products emblazoned with those words were quickly available for sale on the internet.
Biden’s age contributed to the public’s interest in Harris, as his 77 years increase the chance that he might not serve a full term or seek re-election.
Republicans sought to characterize Harris as member of the “radical left” who would control the more centrist Biden.
Voters had a divided opinion of Harris, with 46% “very” or “somewhat” favorable and 47% “very” or “somewhat” unfavorable, according to a VoteCast survey of 110,405 voters by The Associated Press. The difference was as polarized as the rest of the election. Those viewing her favorably almost entirely – 93% – supported Biden, while 87% of those viewing her unfavorably supported Trump, according to the survey.
Breaking barriers of race and gender
Biden’s selection of Harris gave the campaign a big fundraising boost. Backers sent more than $34 million immediately after Biden announced his pick, and she headlined numerous fundraisers throughout the fall. Members of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc., which Harris belongs to, began donating $19.08. The sorority, the oldest Greek-letter organization established by Black college-educated women, was founded in 1908 at Howard University, her alma mater.
Harris was often dispatched to energize voters of color, particularly Black Americans. The first candidate on a major party ticket to have attended a historically Black university, Harris campaigned at HBCUs, barbershops and other places of significance for communities of color. For many virtual campaign events, Harris broadcast out of a studio set up at Howard University.
“I say it’s about time a graduate from a state university and a HBCU graduate are in the White House,” Biden said of himself and Harris at a drive-in rally in Atlanta.
Who is Doug Emhoff?
Emhoff was also a regular presence on the campaign trail and formed a bond with Jill Biden, who preceded him as the spouse of a vice president.
Emhoff, who will be the first Jewish American in the vice presidential residence, was a regular Biden surrogate for campaign events targeted to Jewish supporters. He was also “sent all the time to probably the hardest spots,” Biden senior strategic adviser Greg Schultz said during an October campaign event.
Emhoff has been offered lots of advice on how to tackle his new role.
“Everyone’s got an opinion on this, which is nice to hear,” Emhoff said during the campaign. “Which means people are actually excited about the prospect of someone like me in this role – and I get that.”
He hopes to tap his legal background and focus on justice-related issues, particularly “access to justice.”
Emhoff still has the voicemail of a congratulatory call from Biden after Harris and Emhoff got engaged in March 2014.
It was Harris’ first marriage and Emhoff’s second. His son and daughter – named Cole and Ella after jazz legends Cole Porter and Ella Fitzgerald – came up with their own name for their stepmother: Mamala.
“To my brother and me, you’ll always be ‘Mamala,’ the world’s greatest stepmom,” Ella said in a video montage introducing Harris before her convention speech. “You’re a rock, not just for our dad, but for three generations of our big, blended family.”
During an appearance on Hillary Clinton’s podcast, Harris described how she had been teaching Emhoff how to cook after the pandemic confined them to their Washington, D.C., apartment.
Harris’ own passion for cooking was often a topic on the campaign trail. She has described it as “one of my joys” and recirculated a video of herself making masala dosa with actress and writer Mindy Kaling last year.
She told Clinton that one of Emhoff’s own culinary attempts went awry, setting off a fire alarm. Harris had to wave her briefing book back and forth to clear the air. The couple subsequently agreed that Emhoff should stick to three dishes he knows how to cook – “and we don’t need to experiment with anything else,” Harris said.
Presidential ambitions
Harris had competed against Biden for the Democratic nomination but ended her bid before the first primary votes were cast.
She struggled to place herself in an ideological camp, particularly on how far she would go to enact Medicare for All. She also faced criticism from some on the left for her prosecutorial record.
One of her campaign’s biggest moments came during a debate when she challenged Biden over his remarks about working with segregationist senators. She described herself as part of the second class to integrate her school as a child after mandatory school busing, which forced Biden to apologize for his earlier comments.
Although Biden didn’t hold a grudge, Trump immediately called Harris a “phony” after her selection. He frequently made fun of her first name – which is Sanskrit for lotus – and hurled insults at her from his campaign rallies, included calling her a monster.
Women’s groups spent millions on ads to “push back on disinformation and racist, sexist attacks” on Harris and show her in a positive light.
“She has taken on some of the toughest fights…and she’s done it all with a sense of style,” said the narrator in an ad called “Chucks” that included footage of Harris wearing her signature shoe choice and a young girl dancing in Chuck Taylors. “Someday soon, anyone will be able to see themselves as president.”
Daughter of immigrants
Harris was born in Oakland, California, to Shyamala Gopalan, a breast-cancer scientist who emigrated from India, and Donald Harris, a professor of economics who emigrated from Jamaica.
Her first job was cleaning laboratory pipettes for her mother.
“She fired me. I was awful,” Harris said.
Gopalan would also tell Harris and her sister, “Don’t sit around and complain about things, do something.”
Harris frequently mentions the “stroller’s-eye view” she had of the civil rights movement, as her parents marched for social justice – a central part of family discussions.
She wrote in her memoir that she was inspired to become a prosecutor in part because of the prosecutors who went after the Ku Klux Klan and because of Attorney General Robert Kennedy, who sent Justice Department officials to protect the Freedom Riders in 1961.
But she had to defend to friends and family her decision to try to change from the inside, rather than the outside, a justice system they saw as too often offering injustice.
Prior record
Harris likes to tout a program she championed as district attorney to direct young people arrested for drug crimes into training and counseling programs instead of jail.
As California’s attorney general, she pushed for a tough settlement from five major banks accused of foreclosure abuse. One fellow attorney general who joined the fight was Delaware’s Beau Biden, the former vice president’s oldest son. The two developed a friendship before Beau Biden’s 2015 death from brain cancer.
After Harris joined the Senate in 2017, she put her prosecutorial skills to work grilling witnesses such as Attorney General Jeff Sessions, Attorney General William Barr and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.
“I thought she was the meanest, the most horrible, the most disrespectful of anybody in the U.S. Senate,” Trump said of Harris’ questioning of Kavanaugh.
Breaking barriers means breaking things
When Harris found herself competing for the Democratic presidential nomination with three of her female colleagues, the rivals enjoyed lighter moments on the campaign trail laughing with each other and comparing notes on the still-rare experience of being a woman running for president.
“We have spent a lot of time together, sharing looks at each other across a room when statements are being made,” giving each other a “knowing look” like “Yeah, that just happened,” Harris said during a fundraiser that included Sen. Amy Klobuchar, D-Minn., and Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, D-N.Y.
Klobuchar recounted how, during one debate, the women had banded together to demand the technicians raise the temperature in the freezing studio.
“I mean, like you couldn’t feel your feet,” Klobuchar said. “And on the break, we’re sitting there huddled together … and we said to the technician from NBC: `You know what? Women do worse when it’s so cold. This isn’t fair. You have got to turn this up, right now.’ And so they turned up the heat, as we did.”
Harris said that women who go first know the sacrifices they’ve made and hope to make it easier for women to come up after.
Breaking barriers, she said, involves breaking things.
“And when you break things, you might get cut. You might bleed. It will be painful,” she said more than once. “It will be worth it, every single time.”
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
First dates are nerve-wracking — that’s something everyone can agree on, right? And in the age of internet dating, even though you can find out a lot of information about someone online, for better or worse, you never really get a feel for a person until you meet them. And of course, that is just the beginning! If you’re unsure of the best way to get to know a potential lover from the get-go, there are some good questions to ask on the first date that might help to figure out if you’re compatible.
“A simple question can lead to a conversation that takes its own course, with little effort from either of you,” Dr. Carissa Coulston, a clinical psychologist, and the main author of relationship articles for The Eternity Rose, tells Bustle. For the sake of nurturing an initial conversation, keep things to the basics at first. “Helpful and neutral questions revolve around work or career interests, hobbies, sport, music and family — these are typically non-contentious.”
And what you might want to avoid? Coulston says generally to steer to left of asking about ex-relationships, or probing into any problems that your date might have briefly referred to, like issues they had with their parents when they were a child.
“Of course, these more personal topics can be discussed between the two of you down the track if your relationship should progress,” Coulston says.
Ultimately, you can talk about whatever you want, and you might have much easier and deeper conversations on some first dates than on others. Below, a few experts shed light on some good initial questions that can give you a peak into a person.
1. Are You Close With Your Family?
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“Getting the scoop on their family life will tell you a lot about them,” Michael Kaye, global communications manager at OkCupid, tells Bustle. This is not something to be overly-judged, of course, since everyone comes from different walks of life. Maybe they consider their friends their true family, maybe they grew up mostly with a family friend. What you are really asking about is the close connections in their life.
“You should definitely ask about their family to see what kind of relationship they have with them,” Kaye says. “On OkCupid, 84% of women and 79% of men say they’re close to their family, and a majority of people say it’s important their families get along with each other.”
A lot can be revealed when someone talks about their family! Not that it’s anything to judge harshly, by any means, people come from all walks of life — but a first date is the perfect time to ask questions that will help you realize the potential a relationship has, and the way your date relates to the people close to them.
2. Where Do You Lean Politically?
We are in trying times, politically, my friends. Perhaps the compatibility of political views means more to some than others, but it can get you going on a whole lot of topics fast.
If you’re going on a date, you should be prepared to ask about the other person’s political views, Kaye says. It is important to people right off the bat.
“Among OkCupid users, 84% of people want to discuss politics with their partner, and 58% of people prefer their date share the same political beliefs as them,” says Kaye.
While politics play a roll in everything from education and media to entertainment and pop-culture, it has made its way into the dating world as well.
3. What’s Your Best Friend Like? Do You Have One?
“Have you ever heard the saying that we are a culmination of the five people we spend most of our time with? Getting to know your date’s closest friendships will give you a decent ideas as to what type of person they are,” Shank says. “If your date’s best friends sound like a rowdy crowd, your date likely falls into that category as well. If your date’s best friends spend most of their time gaming, likely your date falls into that category too.”
Not to mention, it’s just nice to know what kind of people they surround themselves with, and how they feel about maintaining relationships.
4. What Makes You Proud About Your Life?
Maybe this question will make your date a little sheepish. Or, on the other hand, maybe they will really go off on a monologue about their achievements. Either way, it’s a cool introduction to the kinds of things they focus on and what is important to them.
“This is one of my favorite questions to ask friends, family, and dates,” Shank says. “This is a great question to get to know someone on a bit of a deeper level.”
This question tells a lot about a person. Your date may have something superficial they tell you, or they may have something pretty cool and miraculous to say, Shank says. Either way, it’s a win-win question.
5. What Are You Looking For?
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Trust, this doesn’t have to be an interrogation. You can even casually ask what brought them to the dating site you might have met on, or if they go on dates often.
“[Ask them] what kind of relationship they are looking for and where will you might stand in their mind [as a potential partner, etc.],” Dr. Fran Walfish, a child, couple and family psychotherapist in private practice in Beverly Hills, California, tells us.
They should be willing to acknowledge their wishes, hopes, and desires about wanting a casual, committed, rebound, or serious relationship, Walfish says.
“If they are unwilling to open up about this, it is a definite red flag,” Walfish says.
6. Don’t Forget To Also Go For Light And Fun Questions
Then, of course, don’t forget to just keep things light and ask all the fun or funny stuff, too. What shows do you watch? Where have you traveled? What is a typical day like for you? What was the most played song on your Spotify last year?
Whatever it is, getting to know someone can take time. So try to balance going with your gut with giving people some time and a bit of a chance. Everyone gets nervous on first dates, so keeping the conversation on a roll is a great way to make it easier.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
When you get into a relationship with someone, it’s safe to say that you want to make sure you’re not wasting your time. You want to be with someone who understands you, appreciates you, and is someone you can potentially see a future with. But because we aren’t mind readers, it can be hard to determine if your partner is really right for you. Lucky for you, you don’t necessarily need to be clairvoyant to figure this out because there are questions you can ask your partner to see if they’re “The One.”
“On the surface, asking questions sounds like a good idea, however, how you ask is the key,” Richard Horowitz, professional educator and co-founder of Growing Great Relationships, tells us. “Your partner does not want to feel interrogated. Therefore try to ask questions naturally and not all at once and also ask your partner to ask question so that it feels like a mutual conversation.” Through these conversations over you time, you’ll be able to learn about things such as their values, likes, and dislikes, which can play a huge part in whether or not you two may be compatible with each other. But if you’re confused about where to start, here are seven questions you can ask your partner to find out if they’re truly the right person for you.
1. How Would We Handle Worst-Case Scenarios?
Andrew Zaeh
Sometimes the best questions to ask your partner have to do with the extremes. Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist, marriage therapist, and owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells us that asking your partner about how they would handle things like emotional affairs, illnesses in the family, or even invasive in-laws is a good way to gauge your partner’s views and how they are under pressure. If your partner’s answers show a willingness to work together to figure out a solution, it’s a good indicator that they’ll be a communicative partner throughout the relationship. But if they have hard-and-fast rules about certain things, you can determine if they’re someone who’s right for you. This question is also a good way to determine if your partner is going to be the support system that you need in a relationship or not.
2. Do You See A Future Here?
This question may seem like it would be awkward to ask early on in a relationship, but it can really show you whether your partner can see things progressing. “Many couples notice they have doubts about the progression of their relationship,” Scott-Hudson says. She suggests asking about all the things that may come with the progression of a relationship like what pace they want to move at and when they’d like to meet and involve friends and family members. “These things are best discussed before the couple moves in together or marries in order to prevent misunderstandings and to promote clear and healthy communication.”
3. Do You Want Kids?
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
You may want to become a perpetual dog-parent and never have kids, or you may want to an entire football team as a family. Whatever your preference is, it’s important to discuss it with your partner to see if you two are on the same page. With something like kids, it’s a little harder to compromise on. Scott-Hudson explains that it’s also important to be on the same page about the issue of possible infertility, to determine if you and your partner would be supportive of each other in that case. She also explains that it’s important to take it a step further and ask about how they would want to raise kids, if you both want them. She suggests asking questions like, “In what religion [if any] will we raise our children? Public or private school? Do you expect one parent to be a stay at home parent, and one to work? Or do you expect both parents to work outside of the home? Will they work during high school and college, or be full time students? Is adoption a possibility? Is in vitro a possibility? Is foster parenting a possibility?”
4. How Do You Feel About Your Family?
Andrew Zaeh
Family can either be a great or a tricky subject for some people. Either way it’s important to learn about your partner’s family and their interactions with them to determine what values your partner grew up with and how they might act in the future. “How they answer will determine their attachment to important people they grew up with and gives you good information about how they will treat you and your possible children in the future,” Dr. Tammy Nelson, sex therapist and sex therapist and consultant for Ashley Madison, tells us. “It doesn’t matter if they are in a positive relationship with both parents, but more importantly, if they have forgiven them for past mistakes.”
5. How Do You Feel About Sex?
Sex shouldn’t just be something you and your partner do, it should also be something that you talk about. “We choose a partner based on physical and sexual attraction,” Nelson says. “If sex is important to you now, it’s definitely going to be important to you later on. Make sure that you both have the same level of interest in sex and you both see it as a priority.” This is also the case if you’re someone who doesn’t want to have sex. Being open and honest about your position on sex and asking your partner to do the same can show you whether or not you two are compatible.
6. How Important Are Politics To You?
Andrew Zaeh
For many of us, our political ideals are directly aligned with our identities and personal values. Asking your partner about their political affiliations or who they vote for can give you an idea of what they care about and also what they might not be too concerned with. “Strangely enough, we can put up with separate religious or spiritual views and we can handle it if they are terrible slobs as roommates, but studies show that we cannot tolerate a partner who votes on the opposite side of the aisle,” Nelson says. “It might not seem like a big deal now, but if your partner has different values than you, it will matter. Particularly now, at a time when the government is divided so clearly down party lines around things that matter deeply.”
7. How Do You Act After Arguments?
Although it may be hard for your partner to be totally perceptive to how they act after arguments, asking this question can give you an idea of your partner’s behaviors and what they might need from you whenever you have a falling out. Scott-Hudson suggests asking questions like, “Do you like to be left alone? Do you need physical comfort, like a hug or a pat on the arm, when you are upset? Do you need time and space to process your feelings? Do you need me to reassure you that I’m not leaving you, that I’m not going anywhere, or abandoning you?” By asking your partner these questions, you can determine if their behaviors at your relationship’s worst will be something you’ll be able to deal with or not. And if not, you might have to reevaluate whether they’re the one for you.
It might be hard to determine if your partner is your perfect match with a few questions, but these questions are a starting point to bigger discussions that can really show you what’s important to you and your partner and if those values are compatible in the long-run.
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In a post on Instagram, Sharon Osbourne wrote, “Based on this morning’s unauthorized use of Ozzy Osbourne’s ‘Crazy Train,’ we are sending notice to the Trump campaign (or any other campaigns) that they are forbidden from using any of Ozzy Osbourne’s music in political ads or in any political campaigns.”
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“Ozzy’s music cannot be used for any means without approvals,” she continued.”
“In the meantime, I have a suggestion for Mr. Trump–perhaps he should reach out to some of his musician friends. Maybe #KanyeWest (“Gold Digger”), @KidRock (“I Am the Bulldog”) or @TedNugentofficial (“Stranghold”) will allow use of their music.
All three of the performers Sharon Osbournes mentioned have been Trump supporters.
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