Church – 2013 to Present -Seizure Salad

I’m sitting in my go to bar with Church. It’s our spot and it’s what we do. He’s sipping a Sailor Jerry and Coke, and I’m having my usual Chardonnay with a side of ice. He orders a salad and I go with the sliders. There is a couple a few seats down from me to my right. I know the guy, his name is Brian, but I don’t know the lady he’s with so I wave but don’t approach. He could be working.

On the left of Church, is a brunette in her thirties and an older gentleman. Looks like a lawyer. We don’t really pay any attention. We’re chatting and doing our thing.

Daphne rolls behind the bar and says hello. She tells me it’s a slow night. Not much happening. She goes back to her hostess stand and it’s just another night in paradise.

Suddenly, the woman who was sitting to Church’s left, goes off the bar stool and hits the floor. Normally, I’d call that Thursday night.  We see so many banged up people around the city losing their shit. But this woman was having a seizure. People within visual range are shocked and the bar goes quiet.

I point to the phone on the wall, because the bartender on duty didn’t see one of her patrons suddenly vanish from the bar. “Liz, call 911.”

She starts dialing. Church, with his cat-like reflexes, springs into action and goes from sitting next to me sipping a drink to all the way around the other side of her on the floor holding her head to keep her steady. I get down there and untangle her leg from the lower rail of his bar stool. I have the legs. Church is focuses on the poor woman’s head. She’s thrashing about, and Church is barking commands to those around him. He’s literally single-handedly coordinating the effort to help save this poor woman, and keeping her from injuring herself further.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but Church was formerly a Corpsmen in the United States Navy.

A Corpsman works in a wide variety of capacities and locations, including shore establishments such as naval hospitals and clinics, aboard ships, and as the primary medical caregivers for sailors while underway. Hospital corpsmen are frequently the only medical caregiver available in many fleet or Marine units on extended deployment. In addition, hospital corpsmen perform duties as assistants in the prevention and treatment of disease and injury and assist health care professionals in providing medical care to sailors and their families.

They may function as clinical or specialty technicians, medical administrative personnel and health care providers at medical treatment facilities. They also serve as battlefield corpsmen with the Marine Corps, rendering emergency medical treatment to include initial treatment in a combat environment. Qualified hospital corpsmen may be assigned the responsibility of independent duty aboard ships and submarines; Fleet Marine Service, SEAL and Seabee units, and at isolated duty stations where no medical officer is available.

Yea, pretty bad ass. That’s the guy you want next to you when somebody takes a header at your favorite bar.

She’s making what almost sounds like barking sounds, and staring wildly about. He’s got a good hold on her. He’s talking to her. But mostly he’s trying to keep her from bashing her face into the wooden wall of the bar. The bartender comes around, and some others have gathered. I grab a cloth napkin and ask if we need to put it in her mouth. I always heard that epileptics could bite or swallow their own tongues. Church says, no. He knows what he’s doing and has the situation well under control.

She seems to be calming down. I look over at the guy who was with her. He’s just standing there staring, and looking uncomfortable. The paramedics come and stabilize her. I feel so bad for her. It’s the holidays, and she’s out for a drinks and this horror befalls her. They get her onto the gurney and roll her out. The police are there and also ask some questions. Church is on point, he gives law enforcement the full report.

They also speak to the guy she came in with. He says he doesn’t know her very well. He met her over at DelFrisco’s steakhouse, and then brought her over here for a drink. That’s a big lawyer hang out. Not my scene. This guy didn’t do anything to help or comfort her when she had the seizure, and he didn’t go to the hospital with her. I don’t care if you just picked up the chick in a bar. Lady falls down, you go to the damn hospital with her. I’m thinking that weasel was married and didn’t want any problems. How would he explain to his wife that he was at the hospital with some other woman? I may be wrong, but I got the vibe something was definitely shady about that guy.

We go back to our seats at the bar and have another drink. Church is pissed because somebody was telling him to turn her head when she was foaming at the mouth and that’s not what you’re supposed to do. Me, I was just glad the lady was okay.

Daphne came over to chat and get a recap. I tell her what I know, and tease her.”You had to say it was a slow night and that nothing was happening, and look what you did, Daph…”

“I know, right? Me and my big mouth.”

Indeed…

 

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Bibi – 2015 – Matinee Madness

Another tale of one man’s journey through the dating scene in Philadelphia, searching for true love.

I met Bibi through Keila. Bibi’s unfortunately one of the “fleas and ticks” I told you about. This woman is 38 years old. I don’t remember what she does for a living. I had lunch with her once at El Vez on 13th and Sansom. It’s a Steven Starr Mexican restaurant. Good location and very popular. She seemed nice.

She said her mother moved to Canada and became hindu. So that’s why Bibi has the name she does. She looks western european but was given an Indian name at birth. Doesn’t make sense and isn’t a match. So we know mom must be a little nuts. Why would you do some stupid shit like that to your kid. Growing up is hard enough without having some kind of fucked up name. My dad once told me he wanted to name me Wolfgang. That would be pretty bad ass to have as an adult but not as a kid. Hey Wolfie!

So I ask her out to the movies.

We go to see the Amy Winehouse biopic, “Amy.” Now, I didn’t know much about Amy Winehouse or her music, but I heard the picture was good. I know Bibi wanted to see it. I will tell you, it is a sad story. Here was a beautifully gifted singer who was consumed by alcohol, drugs and the industry itself. The music industry has eaten so many of its own young. This is a grim portrait of the fall of a great singer.

I am a film guy. I love watching movies. I always have since I was a kid. I am a real stickler for following the rules when you go out to the movie theater. Get there on time. Preferably early, before the coming attractions. Your cell phone must be set on silent and be put away unless you are a fucking brain surgeon on call. No talking. These are all just basic common sense things about good manners in a public place.

So I’m watching this heartbreaking film about this poor lost soul with the deadly voice. (You’re not some teenager, who is sitting in some theater watching some wacky comedy. (Still not acceptable) I look over and Bibi is looking at her phone and texting people. You don’t have a husband or any kids. Who is so fucking important that they have to do that shit in the theater during the movie? I was mortified and enraged that this 38-year-old woman has such bad manners. If you’re that old and that dumb at that age, it’s over. You’ll never get any better. If you haven’t figured out what is right and what is wrong, it’s pretty clear why you are alone at nearly 40. It’s rude to me, the people around you, and to the people who made this film.

What an asshole.

So after the film we walked outside and she went to her bike. Yea. She rides around on her bike. She says, “So, what do you want to do now?”

“I’m going to go home and you’re going to do whatever you have to do.” I replied. Then I started walking home.

I never asked her out or ever spoke to her again. Unfortunately,  I have had the displeasure of running into her on occasion. But she’s always with Keila and I’m at some gathering or event. I’m civil, but she gets nothing else from me.

 

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