WARNING: THIS POST IS NSFW.
Like the film character Forrest Gump once said, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going get.”
That’s what the online dating app, Tinder is like. You never know what you’re going to get.
I met Emma on Tinder. We matched somehow, and I read her profile.
University in New Jersey
18 miles away
“Living in this matrix. Weed. Brews. GoodVibes. Strive to make the world a better place, one action at a time. Please don’t ask me my sexuality. Biochemistry and Environmental Science. I don’t support the unethical treatment of animals. Vegan/Cruelty Free. They/Them pronouns. Class comedian 2013 OBHS. Proud cat mom. Open Minded Individual. (OMI) Mountain biking is life. I’m not here for anything serious, but you never know what could happen. Not your babe. Everything is fine.”
(Then just a bunch of emoji’s)
So this profile looks like your average college nerd type. Well written and to the point. She has a few pictures. She’s cute and in shape. Seems like she has a nice personality and is intelligent. There’s also a picture of an upper arm. (I’m assuming it’s hers) There’s a tattoo with following statement: “When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.”
That’s some badass shit right there. I don’t like tattoos, especially on women, but I like that message. She seems like a cool, together chick.
There’s a pic of her in the woods and one more of her cute cat.
I hadn’t realized we’d matched because I’m just busy with my life and not always looking at my phone. She reaches out to me first. Prepare yourself. This is the exchange, word for word.
“You like eating pussy?”
(She opened with that. WTF? Who does that? But I figure I’ll go along with this just for the comedic element and the irony of this statement from this coed)
“I love eating pussy.”
“Wanna come eat mine? I’ll let you smoke my weed.”
“I’d love that.”
“Right now? No kissing or fucking or blow jobs. Just you eating me?”
(How adorable and crazy.)
“Not really into weed anymore. I’ll eat you just for the sheer joy of it. That’s perfectly fine.”
“Can you role play as my daddy? I’ll be your good little girl. You’re showing me how a man should eat pussy.”
(Alright. We’re getting into some interesting territory here. Somebody’s got some issues. I’m riding this out for the blog.)
“I’d be happy to do that for you, Emma. I would be respectful to you and do what you wanted. I like that is all you want. Let’s set it up.”
“I wanna come.”
“I can make that happen. May I have your number?”
May I have your number?”
“If you’re coming tonight.”
(I think this chick is just messing with me.)
“Let’s exchange numbers and tell me where to meet you so we can do this.”
“Would you daddy/daughter role play with me?”
“Hmmm… Do I have to blow you or fuck you?”
“No. Absolutely not. I just do the thing you asked me to do. That’s all. Nothing more.”
(Working for the close here…)
“Let’s exchange numbers.”
“Come over. Please.”
“Tell me where you want to meet.”
At this point she provided her address.
“What’s your number, dear?”
She then provides her phone number.
I text her and told her I had some stuff to do this weekend, but after that I could do what she asked me to do. So we’ll have to see what happens. Maybe it’ll happen this week. It was kind of a hot exchange. That kind of frank sexual banter hasn’t happened to me before on Tinder. Kinda crazy.
Maybe she was just having a bit of fun, but then why would she give me her phone number and address?
I’ll have to see what happens. She may just lose interest and disappear. I mean, she lives over in Jersey. I hate going to New Jersey.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am EST.
Instagram: phicklephilly Facebook: Phicklephilly