My Wicked Mistress – Part 3 – The Final Piece

Back in ’13, I was sloshing through life smoking cigarettes, drinking booze, and eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

But then I met Annabelle, and everything changed. I stopped smoking and went on the Paleo diet to look better for my new girlfriend.

I went from a 36″ waist to a 32″ waist in about two months.  It was miraculous. I never slowed down with my boozing, but the ciggies were gone and so was the fat off my body. It was great.

But what I later realized was, that I didn’t do it for myself. I did it to look good for a 26-year-old girl whom I just met at age 52.

I was never in love with her. I was in love with the idea of being in love. The rush of new love and romance. That dopamine drop I got from falling in love was better than any glass of liquor or drug you could ever take. It’s a euphoric high.

But it’s not healthy. I simply traded ciggies and fatty junk food for something else. All for the wrong reasons. I didn’t realize any of this at the time, but it’s just a weird cycle of events that one can spiral through at the onset of a new relationship.

The relationship only lasted 9 months for obvious reasons. We had nothing in common. She had no idea who she was or where she was going. And she was too young for me and from a world that was different than mine. The fundamental things that make for a good relationship between two people just weren’t present.

I didn’t mind that she was gone, but I didn’t like that she kept coming back every month for these little drunken hookups. It never allowed either of us to heal. It just kept the wound open and I had to put a stop to that. So I cut her off for good.

It’s all well documented in the series on this blog, and in my first book, Phicklephilly: One Man’s Journey to Find Love in Philadelphia.

You can read about that disaster here:

So, once she was gone I went back to smoking cigarettes and eating and drinking whatever I wanted. But I remained active and never really gained the weight back.

But in 2018 I gave up cigarettes for life. I was just sick of them and no longer enjoyed any part of it so I ended it. But in the first part of this series, you can see how I traded it for the JUUL vapes. I like them and at least nothing’s burning, there’s no carbon monoxide, there’s no mess, no dirty cigarette smell on me and my clothes and house, and no dirty ashtrays. Just a cleaner vice. (For now!)

Then in 2018 I had the health scare and cut out the consumption of the “oceans of chardonnay and the lakes of vodka” I consumed like I was in Motley Crue in the 80s. Now I consider myself a teetotaler. I probably drink less than the average American now and it’s great. Like cigarettes, I’m just not that into it anymore. I like feeling good and being clear and sober.

I used to write this blog drunk all the time in the beginning. The booze helped loosen my mind and my tongue to release all that content from my brain. But now I only write sober and hardly drink at all anymore. It’s great!

Now here we are in 202o-2021 and I go from running the sports bar on 11th street and 18th street on weekends to sitting at my desk all day writing my blog and my books during covid. This goes on for the rest of 2020 into 2021.

I’m writing my blog, which I’ve monetized, there are book royalties that roll in, and I write freelance commercial articles for companies across the country. So there are a few revenue streams but I still want something to do once my year and a half of being on the dole runs out.

The first retail place I drop my resume off hires me the next day. Spectacular. Any fear that I’d be too old or not able to find work after the pandemic vanished. I’ve got the gift of gab and a myriad of talents, so off I go again into a new vocation and social chapter of my life. I have no fear about anything now. I have no one to impress. I’ve had a colorful life and I just want to keep living and feeling good.

They gave me a couple of T-shirts to wear while working there. But I quickly realized the only ones that fit me comfortably were XL. Extra-large? Really, Chaz? You’re 5’9″ and have been a relatively slim guy your whole life.

But I haven’t been slim. I’m supposed to be, but my boozing and poor diet kept me looking bloated and paunchy. I could hide it with a black button-down shirt and a blazer, but there’s no escaping what your body really looks like. I’m not fat. I’m just out of shape and carrying too much weight for my sized frame.

So I decided to go back on the Paleo. It worked like a charm back in 2013. But I did it for the wrong reasons. I did it to look good for some young lady. You have to do things for yourself. Not someone else. That never works. You’re lying to yourself. You have to eat right and exercise and live right because you want to look and feel healthier for YOU. You should look like you’re supposed to look.

It’s pretty hard because you don’t need cigarettes. That’s a toxic poison. You don’t need drugs. You don’t need booze. You can live perfectly well without any of that. But you must have food. If you don’t eat, you’ll die. And that’s why it’s so difficult for most people to lose weight. We’re surrounded by food in our culture and so many of the things that make us fat or are bad for us taste soooooo good!

But you have to discipline yourself. Cut out the refined carbohydrates, sugar, and caffeine and you’re on your way. Fish, lean meat, nuts, fruits, and vegetables. All foods found in nature are all you need to be healthy. (Sure you need some carbs, but you can always add them back after you’ve turned your weight around)

By the time you read this, I should have already achieved my target goals months ago, but I thought it important to talk about these negative elements that have been in my life for so long.

I’m happy to be free from them and living the healthy happy life I’m supposed to be living and should have been living for my entire adult life.

It took a long time working through my anxiety, depression, and self-medicating to survive. But don’t get me wrong, I had a great time doing all of that bad stuff for years. I wouldn’t trade any of it, because it’s all been a part of my journey.

But I’m happy to say, I finally added the final piece to my health puzzle and it is now complete!


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly.

You can check out my books here:

7 Most Important Things for a Healthy Relationship

Life begins with ‘Zero’ and ends with ‘Zero’. In between this, all the good deeds we do are bliss for life. One such blissful moment is getting married. In spiritual terms, a ‘Marriage’ is a holy form of bringing together two souls for 7 life cycles.

In generic term, ‘Marriage’ is considered as the start of a family, the birth of long-time commitments, something more than just physically uniting two humans, a cycle of happiness, a journey of endless sacrifices. In this place, love builds the home for itself and a pledge to be together always.

A briefing to all this, let us quickly glide through 7 most important things for a healthy relationship:


The first important thing to consider is respecting each other opinions. This is the immortal point in a person’s life, whether you are married or single learn to respect. Life revolves around, giving respect and accepting respect.

Any partner before falling in love considers respect as the most important factor and search for the same from the very first instance. It is very simple if you can’t be a respectful person, you are simply no-one.

At any point in the relationship if respect is lacking, then it creates an overall negative impact on the same. So, it doesn’t matter how rich you are, or how successful you are, if you lack ‘Respect’ then you are no-one but a ‘Dead Person’ alive.


The most generous part of life is equality. Equality refers back to treating people equally with no discriminations; then it may be caste, creed, rich-poor, color or race. Basic nurturing values for a human starts with equality and also ends with equality.

As in the first line of this blog says it all and is applicable to all. Now, if you are not treating your partner equally or keeping biased decisions, then sorry to say but you can’t expect a heroic life ahead.

If you are working and your partner is home, then instead of criticizing learn the ‘Why’s’ of being home. Everyone has their own journey and they are the ones who know their journey very well. So, if you want to be a part of their journey you should know their efforts and struggle behind the same.

If these few points are considered then a journey is no longer solo, it is full of joy and happiness. Equality arouses at home, so you should be able to train your brain in the worst situations as well.


Whether you travel by car or an airplane, seat belts are always advised as a precautionary measure for safety. In this small journey if safety is given so much importance, then just imagine how much importance a partner should get after getting married.

Among all the basic needs in a relationship, the safety of your partner plays a very important role. If you can’t keep your partner safe, then you are worth nothing. It is us and solemnly us who have to look after each other’s safety.

It’s not always true that a man has to keep his woman safe; even a woman can do the same. A woman can keep her man safe from wrongdoings, bad people and filthy habits. No matter what, the first priority should always be given to safety.


Have you ever heard of a plant without roots? No? Similarly, a relationship can never last long without trust. Trust is like stepping stones to each new level of life.

Trust takes longer to build, but can be broken easily with few misunderstandings or wrong deeds. A family can be built upon trust and can also be fallen apart from trust issues. Many hearts can be won by trust, and many hearts can be broken by the trust.

One thing for sure, a good heart will always win over others and frame a positive and trustful environment around. A partner expects nothing much from you, but an honest and trustful person.


The foremost thing of understanding leads us back to the common communication gap faced between many individuals. Communication in any relationship plays a vital role in understanding each other.

Understanding your partner very well can be achieved by healthy and pure communication between both. The more you communicate, the more you tend to understand each other likes and dislikes. Understanding your partner likes and dislikes is very important.


An honest heart is worth billions. A person may be poor, a person may be rich, a person may be strict, but what important is, a person must be honest. An honest heart is a blessing.

If the person whom we love is honest, then consider yourselves as the luckiest person in the world. When you and your partner are honest with each other, then the family which you live in are also embarked on those values. Nothing is more sustainable than an honest family.

You are honest, then nothing at the end matters. Everything happens as expected, and most importantly, not a single trust issue can be discovered throughout life. You become a person who has the habit of winning hearts and showing sincerity towards others.


There are two phrases – falling in love and staying in love. Both have their equally strong meaning. When we fall in love, we tend to avoid common fights in the relationship.

Whereas, when we stay in love, we probably end up getting into small-small fights. A healthy and secure sentimental relationship can overcome many gaps and resolve issues leading to a joyful and prosperous life ahead.

By taking small steps daily you can endure better understanding which is a good sign of a significantly humble relationship. You should focus more particularly on how to grow love in the relationship rather than worrying on the wrong side. In this world of ‘falling in love’ and ‘staying in love’, you try to focus on ‘rising in love’!

In the Hindu religion, there is this tradition of taking 7 rounds or pheras against the bonfire or agni. Similarly, these 7 life principles are very important for any individual.

Apart from all these key points, Sex life plays an equally important role in a healthy relationship.

Try spending quality time with each other.

Try incubating new things together.

Try getting into the vacation zone by sparing some off work quality time.

Try doing the things you love together.

Try discussing your day with your partner.

Try keeping your physical intimacy alive like – kiss, hugs, touch, hands-in-hands, etc.

Try cherishing over small victories and achievements.

Try to witness the world from your better half’s viewpoint.

Try once giving everything a “Try”!


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