Michelle – Chapter 12 – The Good, The Bad, and The Awesome

“Your behavior is making the other guests uncomfortable. We’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

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These stories aren’t really long enough to support their own chapters, so I’ve decided to round them up into a nice little trilogy for you. Enjoy!

 

The Mann

Michelle was having some minor problems with her lady parts. It was nothing serious, but she said that until things got back into proper balance we couldn’t have sex for like two weeks.

I guess because I was still in my love/euphoria phase of our relationship and I went out of my mind. I don’t even remember why. We had a fight about it. It was weird. Why would I get angry if I couldn’t have sex for two weeks? I’ve gone for longer than that.

It was the Fourth of July and we had tickets to see the symphony play out at the Mann amphitheater. I remember us both being in a bit of a snit on the drive over. Then I decided to do something to hopefully impress her, because I didn’t want my bad behavior to wreck our night. I pulled out a cassette and popped it in the player in the dash. This was 2008 and although I had all CDs this particular car was a 1994 Ford Taurus wagon. All you could play in it were cassettes.

Anyway, the cassette I popped in were studio recordings of three songs I wrote and recorded in the studio years before. Tear Me Up, Betty Ann and Can’t Let Her Go. I composed those songs and played all of the instruments on them. Well not all of them. The drum track was digitally created. I played guitar, bass and sang all of the songs.

Michelle liked them. I think she said it sounded like eighties music. But as we listened to the last song as we were pulling into the parking lot, we had both cheered up and I was done being an asshole about not getting laid.

We got some food and got a couple of glasses of wine. It was still light out because of the time of year. You could see the city off to the east. It looked beautiful at sunset. I think we brought a couple of bottles of wine with us, but we didn’t want to crack them until we got situated in our spot.

We put our blanket down on the grass and took a seat. I was surprised at the amount of people who were there. It’s nice to see that classical music is still enjoyed. We ate the snacks we brought and drank our wine. It was so nice lying out on the grass like that on a warm night. The music was wonderful and at one point I may have even dozed off.

At the end of the show the finale was with fireworks. Behind us they began to burst in the sky as the orchestra played on the stage. We simply rolled over on our blanket and looked back and could see everything. It was a lovely night and one we won’t forget. We were so well-behaved for a change!

 

Parx Casino

Parx was a client of mine at the company Michelle and I worked. A casino is always good for recruitment as well as brand advertising. My contact invited us up for dinner. So we decided to make a night of it. They comped us on a really nice dinner with cocktails and wine. We gambled a bit. We’re not really into gambling. we’d rather spend $20 on wine than pump it into a slot machine. I remember sitting at the bar with Michelle, watching the Phillies killing it in the playoffs, playing video poker and smoking cigarettes. That’s a lot of vice right there. But we had a wonderful night.

Parx at the time had a hotel that was across their vast parking lot. I don’t know if they have built up and gotten one closer, but it did seem odd at the time. So we stumbled over to the hotel and went to bed. It was late and I think I snored a lot that night. If Michelle wasn’t drunk enough it would keep her up at night. So I don’t think she slept all that well.

I woke up early the next morning with quite a hang over. I figured if I got some fresh air it would give Michelle a chance to sleep in. I went across the street to a diner and ate a monster breakfast. If you’re not too sick to eat, a solid breakfast will fix you up. Eggs, bacon, pancakes are all good fuel for the body. Protein, carbs and sugar. That, and drink as much water as you can. You’ve gotta clean that machine. I was over there for a bit and then came back to the room. We checked out and drove back to the city.

But the story doesn’t end there. We put my car in the lot at the company where I worked. I planned on staying over at Michelle’s place that night. We ended up going to a bar out by her apartment for a little hair of the dog. It’s called Kite and Key. Solid food and beverage program. We sat outside and started with champagne, later switching over to wine. I think we were there for over six hours. But once again, we were well-behaved.

 

The Four Seasons

Let’s see if we can stay well-behaved three times in a row.

One night Michelle and I were out on what I believe was a Friday night. We went especially hard on Friday nights. Partly from the stress of our jobs in advertising sales and just happy it was the weekend.

We hit a few of our usual haunts, Twenty Manning being one of them, but at some point during the night we ended up in the Fountain Room at the Four Seasons Hotel. We were sitting at a table in the corner and were drinking martinis. The Four Seasons is one of the nicest if not the very best hotel in the city. It attracts celebrities and the affluent. I remember using the urinal in the bathroom and the guy next to me was wearing a tuxedo.

So we’re there at the table and we’re getting a little amorous. Now, I’m not a big fan of PDA (public displays of affection) but I love her, and she’s gorgeous, and I’m drunk. So some of the things that we were doing became a bit arousing and sexual in nature. But I’m not going to go into detail here. Use your imagination. We didn’t care, and frankly we couldn’t help ourselves. Love is a powerful drug.

So the Maitre d comes over and leans in and says: “Your behavior is making the other guests uncomfortable. We’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

I’m not one to start trouble. I was just a fool in love. I know when it’s time to go. If I fucked up enough to get thrown out of a bar in the nicest hotel in the city, I better do it with a certain level of dignity.

We apologized and paid our bill and got up and left. Of course we were escorted to the door to make sure we left, but at least this time it wasn’t by law enforcement.

But the story doesn’t end there. When we went out into the street. We saw that it had rained. We were up near the Ben Franklin Parkway. I looked down and there at our feet was around eight dollars in cash! The bills were wet, but we were both forty bucks richer.

But the story doesn’t end there either!

Around two months after the incident I called the banquet coordinator at the Fountain Room. I told her we had met at event and I was really impressed with her and the space.  I was representing my company and was considering the Fountain Room as a place we could have lunches with clients and hold meetings there. (A bold-faced lie)

She was delighted that I had called her, and invited me to come in and sample the food. I told her I would be bringing my associate with me to the lunch. I gave her my name and she made the reservation. I told Michelle, and of course she was nervous about going back there because of our behavior. I was nervous when we arrived there too. If the President of our company ever found out we used the company’s name to pull another stunt, I’m sure he would’ve fired the both of us.

We go in and I give them my name. I don’t see anybody that I know. The girl I spoke to on the phone wasn’t even there. They seated us in a small private room near the window. We had this really great waiter. They treated us like gods. The lunch was delicious. and so was the dessert. We refrained from anything alcoholic, but they offered. When we finished eating there was no bill. It was absolutely free. That had been my plan all along. Get a free lunch out of the Four Seasons as their apology for throwing out the Dark Lord and his Queen!

Sadly, the Four Seasons is no longer there. It’s called the Logan Hotel. It’s all different inside now. I don’t go there. The good news is, The Four Seasons is taking several of the top floors of the new Comcast tower that is currently being built. It will be the tallest building in the city upon its completion. So who knows, maybe I can get up to some new deviltry in the new Four Seasons in 2017!

Michelle always said: “I have so much fun with you, that when the day is over, I wish we could do it all again.”

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 8am EST.

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Spinner – 2001 to Present – The Broad Street Bullies

The funniest guy I know…

Before I start this one, I’m very proud to announce that I have reached  500 followers! That’s 500 more than when I started this journey 6 months ago. I want to thank each and every one of you for reading phicklephilly. Your comments and likes have been wonderful, and I try to respond  to all of you. I have so many more stories to tell and I hope that this blog evolves into what it ultimately should be. I’m documenting my past loves and my quest to find true and sustainable love here in Philadelphia.

But hopefully I begin to examine who I am and how I got here, and what made me into who I am today.

I’m glad you’re all on the journey with me, and it pushes me forward to continue and never give up!

Thank you one and all!

 

I have known Spinner for over fifteen years. He is the funniest guy I know. He has a brain that somehow can put together words, phrases and ideas faster than anyone I know.

He used to work for me back in 2002. He was hired as a bank teller at a branch I managed in Mt. Laurel, NJ. I started to notice how funny he was after a while. He and I developed a good rapport. One day Spinner just stopped coming to work. So our head teller fired him. I think he just hated working for the head teller who was an angry asshole. I liked Spinner, so I kept in touch with him.

We actually started hanging out. We’d go out to eat at the mall and girl watch together. He was really cool to hang out with because he had such a quick wit. He has the ability to freestyle comic bits at lightening speed.

I remember he came over to my house one time. He had a flyer that had information about an upcoming comedy show at Stockton State College. As I read it I saw that he was headlining and that it was a fundraiser for spina bifida. Then I saw that my name was on it as one of the comedians on the bill. I laughed and asked him what that was about. He simply told me that I was one of the funniest people he knew and that I would kill. I thanked him and told him there was a distinct difference between me and the other comics. I didn’t have an act!

Although I was terrified, I was still intrigued. I wrote some material and went out and did it. The thing with fear is, unfortunately you have to run toward it to overcome it, not away from it. That simple piece of advice given to me by an old friend, helped me overcome much of my lifelong anxiety disorder. Stand up is terrifying. Playing in a band is scary until you get through the first song and start rocking, then it’s awesome. But standing alone on a quiet stage with a spotlight in your face, and making people laugh is really hard.

So I did it. It was nerve-wracking, but also fun. The peals of laughter coming back from the audience from what you’re saying is similar to the cheers and applause you get playing rock. It’s just a little different high. I did well and somebody even shot a video. Spinner ended up transferring it to a VHS tape and gave me a copy. He said I was the best of all of the comics. I was so happy. But try to find something to play that tape on now!

I have since gone on to perform stand up in New York, and here at the Laff House in Philly. It’s all thanks to my buddy Spinner.

Sometimes we would go to the Tropicana in Atlantic City, and he would gamble. He likes roulette. I’m not a gambler, so I would just blow through twenty dollars and then drink and talk to women. Sometimes he would win a lot of money, but obviously, that doesn’t happen all of the time.

I moved to New York and didn’t see him as much anymore. But we always kept in touch. If I was around on a weekend to see my daughter, sometimes he’d hang out too.

But in the last year or two Spinner and I have reconnected and have been attending sporting events. I’m not a sports fan, but it’s really fun to go out with someone who is, and understands the game. Plus, as an added bonus the guy is a fucking riot.

Spinner is a huge baseball fan. He loves the Boston Red Sox. We’ve seen the Sox, the Phillies, and most recently a Flyers game. I have realized hanging out with Spinner why men love sports so much. It’s the competitive nature of the game. I love the exchange of power. If your team comes out and they trounce the other guys, it’s no fun to watch. But if we’re up and they take away our lead, it’s on! We have to fight to get it back to win. It’s very exciting to me.

I was never into hockey at all. It looked violent and moved too fast. Now, I love it. The talent of these athletes! Chasing and controlling that little puck all the while on ice skates! It’s such an intense and fast paced sport. Really good. I loved seeing that game and really want to see more. (The Flyers won after a sudden death tie. It was glorious!)

So hopefully this interesting and enduring friendship continues. I want to see more live sporting events! As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been better at maintaining relationships, but in this case Spinner, he has been the one that has kept us connected over the last few years and for that I am very grateful.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 8am EST.

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