California Dreamin’ 1982 to 1984 – I Don’t Think I Can

Got asked out by an Asian girl I knew, but didn’t really know all that well. I just saw her from the clubs we hung out in. (Maybe it was The Roxy)

We went to see some band she liked at the Rainbow. Which I thought was cool because she knew my band and knew I’d like it. Once there she immediately was all over me (hugging, kissing, sitting on my lap etc.) Things were going great (or so I thought) It was at that point when things started getting weird.

Several band members where giving us strange looks from the stage, while playing their music. Bass player was mouthing things in our direction, but I couldn’t make out what he wanted. People were rude to me for no reason while getting drinks. Long story short: my date knew just about all the people there and wanted to get back publicly at her (very large) boyfriend (drummer, named Spider) for cheating on her.

I’m like WTF? I’m just a revenge date. I was pissed. I don’t want to start some shit with some other band on the strip over a groupie! I tell her I’m taking her home.
So we get to her apartment in West Hollywood and she asks me if I want to come up for a beer. I’m not going to turn down a free drink and I feel like she owes me for putting me in a weird spot.

Again, I wasn’t that into her and I figured I’d just drink the beer and split. Plus, the fact that she’s some dude’s girlfriend in another band just didn’t sit right with me.

Weird thing was when we get back to her apartment we start making out. We make it as far as the sofa. When I looked around the room it appeared she was really into anime. She started acting exactly like a girl in an actual anime. Started giggling and covered her mouth when I started getting undressed.

Gasped and hid her face when I took my underwear off. Se made these really high squeaking noises while I was having sex with her. She actually laughed and giggled through the whole experience. It was bizarre.

That being said, she was an absolute pro at giving head. After she had seen me naked she said she didn’t know dicks got that big. Which was the first and last time I ever heard that.

So we finish getting it on and I’m getting dressed. This has been weird but at least I got laid, but I kind of wanted to get out of there. She gets off the couch and puts her skirt on and walks to the bedroom.  She’s chattering like a schoolgirl about something, and I follow her into the bedroom, just trying to be nice.

It’s my first time over there, and there’s this giant bear on the bed. Like, ‘got the softball in the milk jug on the boardwalk first try tier bear’. It occupies 50% of the surface area of this girl’s bed.
“Whoa, how’d you score that bear?”

“I don’t know…”
“What?”
“I don’t know.”
A few minutes go by.
“You don’t know?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok, look. It’s ok if it’s from an ex or your drummer boyfriend. I don’t care if you stole it. I’ll believe almost anything you tell me at this point. But there is no way in hell you’re going to tell me you don’t know where that giant bear is from. I had a stuffed dinosaur 1/4 that size that I got when I was 6 and I could tell you every detail about how I got it.”

“Well good for you. But I don’t know how I got it. Are you going to be able to let this go?”
Me: (Looks at her, looks at bear, bear stares back, eyes full of secrets)

“I don’t think I can.” (walk out)

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – My Altamont Moment

We were playing this gig at the Roxy one night. May have been ’83 by then. Girls were never a problem. Anybody who doesn’t believe guitars are chick magnets has obviously never strapped on a guitar before. Anyway, we played all over the state, working pretty steady, staying in all manner of “band housing”. We were at a better-than-average club and doing our normal thing.

This particular night the bar was having a drawing for something, I can’t remember what. We were going to have a longer break than usual after one of our sets so they could use our PA to do the drawing. I went to the bar and was getting a coke. A rather attractive girl asked me if we did a certain song she liked, to which I nodded and replied “next set, I think”. Our drummer was standing there waiting on me, as he wanted to get in a game of pool while we waited for the drawing to get over. We went to the tables and he racked up the game. I was lining up my first shot when I heard “hey, asshole”. I, of course, looked up to see who was calling who an asshole. What I saw was what turned out to be the butt end of a pool cue coming at my face at rather high velocity. It caught me on the bridge of my nose. I’m done. I’m collapsed on the pool table, screaming, blood pouring from my face. The drummer tackled the guy swinging the cue as he was lining up for another whack at me. Then the singer (not a small guy) jumped in. They, with a bouncer, dragged the guy out thru the kitchen and behind the bar where they damn near killed him. Turns out the attractive girl who asked me about the song had an extremely jealous ex-boyfriend who was in the bar and saw her talking to me.

A couple days later, after the swelling went down and my eyes were able to open, she took me to dinner. She was really embarrassed over the whole thing. Just dinner, too. She had another boyfriend already, a cop. Who just happened to be the responding officer that night who ended up arresting ex-boyfriend for assault. Guess there were a few too many witnesses for him to claim self defense.

Rock n’ Roll!

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Lisa – Save That Line

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Samantha

I met this girl one night at one of our shows. She seemed pretty cool, but a little on the weird side. But she had good taste in music and was into all the same metal shit I was into, so I went with it.

We went on a few dates, made out once. I took her out to dinner and then we went to a gay bar for some karaoke. She left me to go chat with the boys at the bar while I sat alone at a table.

They kept buying her drinks and she got more and more drunk while I sat there sipping my beer waiting for her to come back. Eventually a group of college-aged lesbians walk in and she immediately wanders over to them. They all go back outside for a cigarette. I sigh, and finish off my beer. My date and one of the other lesbians come back in and walk towards the back of the bar towards the bathrooms. They stop, and start making out against the wall.

I left, but my date followed me out. She cried and begged for me to not leave her there and that she was drunk and made out with strangers sometimes. All romantic feelings were crushed right then and there, but she and I still hung out as friends for about a month. Then one day she made the moves on me. I declined. She punched out a window and then ran out into the middle of the street and laid down. I drove away and cut off all contact.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Beverly Hills Babe

Hey everybody! Today is my birthday!

Went out boozing big time on Sunset Strip, my friends said I was barely standing by 11pm so they told me to get a taxi home. (taxi was directly outside the club).

Woke up next morning in a strange bed with shit loads of dolls and stuffed animals on a shelf…um….okay.

Managed to put my pants back on when a woman around a decade older than me came into the room carrying a fried egg sandwich.

She smiled at me and said “You need to eat this then leave. Quietly”,

Then about faced and left the room.

I quickly scoff the sandwich in a vague attempt the quiet the monstrous hangover that was starting to build as the last of the booze wore off.  I went into the hallway and she was standing at the front door holding my jacket smiling slightly. I try to ask her what happened last night but she simply shook her head and motioned to the door.
As I get outside I realize this is a really really posh estate in Beverly Hills!
I don’t have a damn clue what happened but it left me really weirded out for a long time.

To this day I don’t remember how I landed there or if I even had sex with that woman.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Date or Babysitter?

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Lenore – She Who Comes Bearing Gifts

This girl I worked with asked if I would meet her friend for a date. I’m always apprehensive about these sort of things. But I had a great work relationship with my friend at work. So I took the friend’s number and called her. We chatted on the phone a few times. One topic of conversation was me always eating Pringles potato chips when we were on the phone. One of my bandmates worked at a supermarket, and we would clip a few items occasionally for his poor bandmates.  (this becomes relevant later). She seemed like someone I’d enjoy spending time with, so we decided to meet for dinner.

I was excited to meet. In hindsight, there were a few warning signs that this might not turn out well for me.

1. In one phone conversation, the topic of butt size came up, and she said something to the effect of, “don’t be scared by how big mine is.”

2. When discussing our dinner date, she said, “You have to promise me that no matter what, we’ll meet again after our date, even if it doesn’t work out, we can have drinks and laugh about it.”

3. When she was describing how I’d recognize her outside the restaurant, she said, “I drive a purple Camaro.”

Being young and naive, I didn’t think much of it all, and arrived at the restaurant that evening with an open mind. How soon things changed. After waiting outside a few minutes, up pulls a purple Camaro convertible. If you’ve ever seen the movie Friday, where Smokey gets set up with “Janet Jackson”, you know what comes next. Back then I weighed about 118 lbs. and am 5’9″. That’s a lean build. This girl had at least 50 lbs. on me, if not more. “HEYYYYY!!!” She greeted me, and I did my best not to look scared to death.

In addition to her purse, she was carrying a brown paper bag. I didn’t really want to know what might be inside. We went in and got seated at our table and after a minute or two of uneasy conversation, she said, “I brought you something.” Out comes the paper bag, from which she pulls out a Ken doll, dressed as Superman, with “Mr. Pringles” written on the cape. My face felt like it was on fire and I could feel everyone in the entire place staring at me.

After ordering dinner, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. On the way back to the table, I passed the front door and seriously considered making a run for it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Defeated, I slowly walked back to the table and we had our dinner.

We had also planned to go to a comedy club afterwards. I intended to offer to drive us both there, but instead told her to follow me in her car. Again, I considered maybe trying to drive fast and lose her on the way, but figured my VW minibus couldn’t outrun her Camaro. Fearing getting heckled by the comedians all night, I found a table in a dark corner towards the back and the rest of the evening was fairly uneventful. After the show, we said our goodbyes and before I could turn to go, she grabbed me and, giving me a giant bear hug, whispered, “Make sure you call me.”

Needless to say, that was the last I ever saw of Camaro girl. I learned a lot about dating the “friend with the great personality” that night. But to be totally honest, I would have hung out with her again, but that whole “Mr. Pringles” thing really creeped me the fuck out.

 

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