I Really Wish I Didn’t Have to Date in the Age of Apps

“Dating is hard” is something I hear all the time. And I get it. Meeting a new person, trying to get through small talk, and hoping to make a lasting connection can be extremely daunting and scary. But we do it to find our person — the one we’re meant to be with and who makes us want to be better. So all the other stuff — the awkward beginnings, the swiping left and right, the bad dates — is worth it, right?

In theory, dating apps seem like the perfect solution to help with not only finding the one, but also finding the “perfect” one. You can choose whatever physical qualities and values you look for and swipe until you find it. However, I think they’ve made it even harder to find someone, let alone date them.

It’s easy to match with a lot of people, but it’s even easier to keep swiping for a “better” option rather than focusing on one person.

Yes, they provide lots of options for you to choose from, and it allows you to vet a person before actually having to go out with them, but sometimes, too many choices can be a bad thing. I personally find myself getting bored with people I match with and vice versa. It’s easy to match with a lot of people and start talking to them, but it’s even easier to keep swiping for an even “better” option rather than focusing on one person and trying to build something with them.

The first date I ever went on was with a guy I met through OkCupid, and I thought it went really well for a first date. We talked for almost three hours, flirting back and forth with one another. I didn’t mind that he didn’t kiss me at the end of it, and I started to think that dating apps maybe weren’t as bad as I thought. That is until he unmatched and ghosted me without explanation. It really messed with my self-esteem for awhile, but I eventually realized that this was part of dating in the age of apps. We can be with someone great now, but the possibility that someone better could be out there can be thrilling to some. Only, it’s detrimental in the long run. Nobody should ever settle, but always looking for more can make you miss out on something (or someone) that’s right in front of you.

I think a lot about the fact that I’m almost 24 years old and have only gone on that one real date. It makes me afraid that I’m destined to be alone. Growing up, I was never the girl guys thought to ask out. They would ask me to help them ask out my friends and that was it. I always thought I would really start to date in college and meet the love of my life, like my parents did. I was raised to be independent and comfortable in my own skin without the validation of other people, but I still couldn’t help but dream about finally meeting my person in college. But the reality is I went through all four years without going on any dates because, like a lot of others, I didn’t take risks. I missed out on connecting with some really great people because I wanted to find someone perfect, when the truth is that nobody’s perfect.

When you’re face to face with someone, yeah, you might be attracted to their physical qualities, but the emotional connection you build with that person, whether it’s instant or over time, is something no dating app can replicate. There’s something thrilling and exciting about meeting a new person for the first time without any expectations or thoughts of the other 12 people you matched with that day. Sometimes I feel like dating apps discourage us from taking those risks — saying hi to someone in a coffee shop, asking for directions on the train, or just jumping right in and asking someone out because they caught your eye — because people are so buried in their phones. But are we really living if we don’t take a leap of faith once in awhile?

Dating apps are great for a lot of people. I know people who have found their person because of them. But I just wish sometimes that dating wasn’t so consumed by them, because human connections — at least the ones I wish to have — can’t be manufactured by technology, no matter how advanced we’re able to develop it.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Phicklephily – Tinder Moments

 

Here are even more crazy Tinder posts!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly   twitter: @phicklephilly

Phicklephilly – Tinder Moments

Here’s another collection of profiles I’ve come across in the world of online dating! Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly   twitter: @phicklephilly

Phicklephilly – Tinder Moments

Here’s another collection of interesting online dating profiles!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly   twitter: @phicklephilly

Kimiko – Chapter 3 – The Devil Made Me Do It – Part 1

I finished work at the salon that Sunday, and headed over to Devil’s Alley. It’s a bar/restaurant at 20th and Chestnut. I’ve written about it before. It’s one of my go to spots in Rittenhouse. Southern cuisine, cool spot. Dining room on the ground floor, and the bar and the balcony seating upstairs. There are lots of cool light effects and plants. There’s actually a tree growing in the middle of the downstairs dining room.

They have the best spicy dry rub wings in the city. The food is great there and I’ve just learned that they do Happy Hour every day. Even Sundays! So I’ve come to the right spot for my first date with Kimiko.

I’m early of course. I head upstairs to the bar and order a vodka and tonic. The bartender Tim is charming and we chat a bit about work and how life is tough right now. Classic bar banter. I throw it back and order another just to take the edge off the day and this date.

I text her.

Me: I just arrived at Devil’s Alley.

K: One min.

Me: I’m at the bar upstairs.

Perfect. It’s 4:57 and she is right on time. Points for her punctuality.

The place is dead and I love that it’s quiet so we can chat and get to know each other when she and I dine together.

I hear the light click of heels coming up the metal stairs behind me. I turn and there before me is the girl from the profile on Bumble.

But better.

The angelic fine boned features of the face. Alive. Real. Her raven tresses tumble about her shoulders like ribbons of coal. The lovely almond eyes. The lean body. She’s wearing a black and white blouse, with a fitted short jacket over it paired with black clinging slacks and heels.

She’s absolutely perfect. We do the perfunctory awkward hug that doesn’t feel that bad at all. I catch a whiff of her lovely hair.

We grab a quiet table on the balcony. We sit and the bartender comes over and she gets a beer and I ask for another V&T. We exchange the usual greetings and pleasantries. She tells me she’s parked a few blocks away at 20th and Walnut.

We’re sipping our drinks and I tell the server we want to chat a bit but will be ordering food. I ask her how long she’s been on Bumble. She tells me only about two weeks. She’s been on two dates but it hasn’t yielded anything significant. One was just a no and the other didn’t look like his profile pics. That’s good, the shark has gotten this baby seal before she could disappear. I can tell by her expression and body language she’s telling the truth.

I decide to open and tell her about myself first. She’s fine with that. It’s time for Led Zeppelin to go onstage. I tell her I like to talk. She responds that she’s a good listener.

I give her the sales pitch. Single dad. Daughter, 22 lives with me. Former banker and advertising guy. Works at a tanning salon and investing in a fitness center in Rittenhouse. I talk about my family and where we’re from and a little bit of history. I tell her I want her to know who I am and I’m very honest and open. I want to put her at ease. It’s an easy play because it’s all true.

To a point.

We seem to be hitting on all cylinders. She jokingly brings up my profile. About how I make the statement, “If you don’t look like your profile pics, you’ll buy me drinks until you do.”

I assure her that she won’t be buying me any drinks tonight. (Smokin’ hot and better than her profile pics.)

She laughs and I see how sweet she is. She can tell I’m a gentleman, and that I’m old-fashioned and she likes that I like dating, romance and courtship. That puts her further at ease.

She tells me her story. It’s an old family. Older than mine but she’s the baby of the family. There are eight children! She was born in Hong Kong. (Funny how my girlfriend Cherie is in Japan right now and I’m with a Japanese girl. Oh, the irony of life!) A long time ago Great Britain ruled Hong Kong and Japan. But then they had to give all of the countries they ruled over back and Japan went under the rule of China. She said her family didn’t agree with Chinese rule and fled Hong Kong and came to the US long ago.

Her parents and extended family always worked in the restaurant business. Chinese restaurants of course. Asians are some of the greatest restauranteurs in the world. Think about it. They’re in every city in the civilized world and you never see them go out of business.

So that’s what they did when they came here. The whole family worked like dogs running a Chinese restaurant. Then they opened up another one, and then another. They did this to afford their future generations with a better life. That’s how it’s done. Just good hard-working, bright people. I admire them and their tireless work ethic. Good manners and discipline. All of the qualities instilled into my family by my parents.

She was married once and I tell her my history, but I keep it brief and light. Too early to get to deep in that on a first date. She was married for many years and it yielded two sons. They are both in medical school.

Do you see the pattern here? Come from a crappy place, get to America. Work your asses off so your kids and grand kids have the means to become anything they want. Something you could never have imagined doing. She is very proud of her boys. At this point we whip out the cell phones like people used to bring out the wallet photos of their kids in days of old.

“You’re daughter is gorgeous. Pretty as a model!”

“I do nice work, but the mold is broken and there’ll be no more.”

We order the spicy dry rub wings so she can try them. Because its happy hour you can get a little four plate. Perfect. She orders the chicken quesadilla and I go with the pulled pork sliders. I order for us both and ask her if that’s okay. She likes it and digs the manners and skills.

Ex girlfriend Annabelle didn’t like when I did that but she was a raging feminist, but she was just a fool who didn’t understand manners and chivalry because she never grew up with any good male role models. That’ll never happen to my daughter Lorelei.

It’s going well and I want to learn more about her. She met her husband here but they had a lot in common. Both from Hong Kong, and similar cultural and familial histories. They started dating and then married three months after that. She tells me that’s kind of stupid, but I tell her how I was married to my ex-wife after ten months of dating.

We share a laugh over that and there’s definitely a connection. Life happens. People make decisions and you just hope for the best. It was probably just everyone tired of the dating scene and you settle on what you hope is a good one and just go for it.

She looks at her watch.

“Do you have somewhere to be? I don’t want to keep you.”

“I have to put money in the meter.”

“That would be a brilliant out if you felt the date wasn’t going well. You could just not come back.”

She touches my arm, “Oh I would never do that! You’re funny. I’ll be right back!”

She apologizes and I tell her the Parking Authority in this city is vicious so she should go now.

Off she goes. I know she’ll be right back. She only put enough for two hours and if it hadn’t worked between us, she could have bolted. She’ll come back right?

She’s been sweet, and she touched my arm.

Kimiko is coming right back. I joke with the bartender how this could be her out.

 

Wait… What if she doesn’t come back?

 

Find out tomorrow on Phicklephilly!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday.

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Phicklephilly – Tinder Moments

Here is another bunch of interesting online dating profiles!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                       Facebook: phicklephilly

 

 

 

 

Kimiko – Chapter 2 – Finally Connected

Kimiko had given me her number very quickly in our first conversation, so that was good. But this one takes a little time to get off the ground. After our brief connection, I text her just to make contact off the site

 

Monday Night
Me: Hey there. It’s Charles.

K: Hi Charles, Nice to meet you here.

Me: Me too. When would you be available to come to the city?

K: I am off this Saturday, does it work for you?

Me: I should be available after 5.

K: Ok.

Me: Sounds good! I’ll pick a spot we can meet. Do you have any dietary concerns? Or any passions about food?

K: No. All good.

Me: Cool. Do you have a food preference? Something you really like?

 

Tuesday Morning

K: Hi. Good Morning. Charles, sorry for the late reply. I went to bed right after I texted you. To me, I like all kind of food except Mexican, I mean I could have it but not a big fan.

Me: Ok. No worries! Hope you got some rest. I’ll find a place we can meet.

K: Sure thank you. Have a nice day.

Me: You too!

 

Wednesday

Cherie texted me that she was coming down Sunday night, so being the little weasel I’ve become, I had to reach out to Kimiko and see if I could take her out on Sunday.

Me: What about Sunday? Can you do after 4pm?

K: This Sunday I’m not sure.

Me: Why not?

K: I have my boys coming home.

Me: Ok. What about during the week? I work a lot.

K: Understand, so if this Saturday is not good for you, we can find another day next week.

Me: Sounds good. I really want to meet you.

K: Ok. We can plan for next week.

Me: Yes. Maybe we can chat on the phone before that. What type of work do you do?

K: I work in retail and also taking a financial and insurance course now. I work a lot too.

Me: Oh, very good. I want to meet you. We’ll figure it out. Work is good. We could chat on the phone at some point if you like.

K: Maybe tonight?

Me: Ok. I’ll call you after 9.

K: Ok.

I have been working so much lately I completely forget to call her. I don’t want her to think I’m a flake. 

Thursday

Me: Sorry about last night I was chatting with my daughter and forgot. Hope you’re having a good day.

K: No problem.

Me: Can I see you this Saturday or Sunday?

K: Hi! May I know who is it… My phone was broken and just got a new phone… Haven’t updated all the contacts yet.

Me: (Sends pic) Charles from Bumble. We matched.

K: Oh hi! How are you? Sorry about that. I broke my phone! Sunday should be fine.

Me: Awesome! Can I meet you in the city after 4?

K: Where do you live? Sunday is usually very hard to find a parking spot in the city.

Me: I’m in Rittenhouse. You could come over on the Patco train.

K: Is that where you live?

Me. Yes. Rittenhouse.

K: I’ll try. I like to drive because sometimes I feel more comfortable when I go home at night by myself. Maybe I could find parking somewhere.

Me: I’ll pay for your parking. Sound good?

K: It’s alright. I think the most important thing is where to find a parking spot.

Me: Ok. Looking forward to meeting you.

K: Sure.

Doesn’t sound promising.

 

Saturday

Me: Still good for tomorrow after 4?

K: Yes.

Me: Great!

Later that night…

Me: Yay I’m going to meet you tomorrow! 5pm Devil’s Alley (I send her location)

K: Ok

Me: Looking forward to meeting you Kimiko. (smiley face)

K: (smiley face) Likewise.

 

So hopefully it’s on.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly