Here is an interesting one. You would think she’d be a perfect match for me, but once you’ve been doing this as long as I have you can sniff out the crazies. A year ago I would have met with her, but now… no dice.
Her profile on the online dating site Bumble:
Miracle Worker and Victorious badass at Stacy Moscotti
Duke University 2000
Location: Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, – 7.2 miles away
Info: I am a woman lit up by life. I love the journey and am looking for someone who wants an extraordinary connection. Passionate, joyful, committed to self-improvement. Currently obsessed with karate, conversations, and empowering contexts. Divorced mom of a 7-year-old daughter with no baggage or drama.
(Really? My ex-wife was an over achiever with low self-esteem because she never felt her father loved her, and always said that our marriage should be exemplary. I know when you set the bar too high with anyone, you’re always destined to fail and be disappointed)
Stacy: Hello! Pleasure to meet you!
Me: You had me at ‘victorious badass.’
Stacy: Hey, greetings from the other side of a sudden debilitating illness that knocked me out for a week. I’m so sorry for not writing back – I love what you wrote…
(She’s referring to my standard profile bio)
(I’ll correct all of her grammatical errors and misspellings for the sake of this post. Which are incredibly abundant.)
(Stacy then goes on to write this rant.)
Stacy: Shortly after I wrote you on Sunday night I started not feeling too well and I went to bed. I woke up with a fever of 103 (maybe higher, my thermometer tops out at 103) and thus began where I am today, on my sixth day of bed rest after contracting an acute and severe bacterial infection.
Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were rough, I turned the corner yesterday when the fever finally broke and here I am today, dizzy and a little weak still but so much better.
Although what makes this Friday great is that I finally have the energy to go back online and see all of the fun that I have missed 🙂
So hello and happy Friday and I totally understand if you took my silence as thinking I’m not interested or ghosting or whatever people call it these days. Please, please believe me that it was not that at all and I got very…
Wait is today, Saturday? Oh goodness, I’m so lost on the days right now!!!
Anyway, whatever day it is, I hope you write back (smiley face) and we can get to know each other.
Me: OMG you poor girl! I’m so sorry! I hope you’re feeling better. I feel like I should bring you some ginger ale, saltine crackers and flowers! I was wondering what happened to you!
(A bold-faced lie. I really don’t give a shit. I already know she’s crazy as a shithouse rat. Nobody unloads like that on a dating app talking to a stranger for the first time.)
Stacy: All of those things sound WONDERFUL and very sweet 🙂 How has your weekend been, (my name)?
Me: Went well. Mission accomplished.
Stacy: Fantastic. You an early riser 🙂 What missions were accomplished? For me even being sick I threw my daughter her 7th birthday on Saturday and then went back to bed rest 🙂
Me: Sorry you aren’t feeling well. I was just saying I had a good weekend.
(Another bold-faced lie. I had an exciting weekend up to my usual deviltry, but I can’t tell her that.)
Stacy: I’m almost better 🙂 much to look forward to this week! I’m glad you had a good weekend!!
(Too many exclamation points.)
Me: What’s hot for you this weekend?
Stacy: my daughter’s 7th birthday is on friday. Mostly this week is me catching up on everything that I was unable to fulfill on last week due to illness and then this weekend I’m taking a course on communication. I hope to be able to go back to karate and dance this week. 🙂 And everyone’s telling me not to push myself and relapse or make myself sicker or something like that. I’m just a very go go go kind of woman and so slowing down has been very challenging for me.
(Anytime I ever hear about a woman being a “Go Go Go” kind of woman the red flags proudly wave and I know she’s either incredibly lonely or manic.)
Me: Wow. That’s a lot to absorb. It’s always good to rest during an illness and allow the body to heal.
Stacy: I know! if I could, I’d rest another three days. I need to go to work though. My friends (who I’m helping out right now) have been very understanding.
Me: What type of work do you do?
Stacy: I own my own business and do freelance consulting and sales work.What do you do?
Me: I work in advertising and I’m opening a fitness center here in the city.
(I didn’t want to mention my writing because that would just open up too many questions.)
Stacy: Fantastic!!! That’s exciting about the fitness center. I was in advertising for a stint there, 🙂
(Too many exclamation points and smileys. Is this woman in a constant state of euphoria?)
Me: What are you seeking on here?
Stacy: I love that question (my name) 🙂 I’m seeking a stimulating connection. Something more than physical.
(Ugh…Here we go…)
Stacy: Physical connection is easy. What I’m seeking is the connection of mind, heart, spirit, and soul. I want a connection that lights me up. Challenges me, allows me to contribute, has amazing communication, and makes me feel brave and safe at the same time. 🙂
Stacy: What about you? What are you seeking on here?
Me: Same. We should meet up. (Bold faced lie)
I’m going to simply unmatch with this woman. Clearly based on her profile and statements there’s a reason she’s alone. I just don’t care for this type of lady. Too intense. Unrealistic sense of reality. Also the company she works for is some sort of weight loss thing. Apparently she put on like 65 lbs, and then lost it all and we’re all supposed to applaud her for not stuffing her face like a farm animal anymore.
I went to her site that is strangely linked to the dating site. I wouldn’t want any random right swiper getting into my shit. Stacy is 38 and has a 7-year-old daughter. That means she hit the “30-year-old panic have a kid age” and made that happen. But due to her crazy behavior and apparent eating disorder, she ran her husband off years ago.
This is a classic OCD, possible bi-polar, eating disorder, esteem issues, manic-depressive dating profile. I have collected some pics from her profile and given them the appropriate titles to describe what it would be like if I ever dated this woman.
I call this one : “Chasing me through the woods with a machete” because it didn’t seem like I was “listening to her enough.”
Here is another pic of her with her fists up in a karate gi right before she throat punches me for not doing her laundry right.
Here is another where she is laughing maniacally as red leaves fall around her that makes me think of my house being blown up with me and Lorelei in it by this lunatic.
The creepiest one is her with this evil smile that makes me think if she had Joker make up on, I would have to put up the Bat Signal.
Are you as frightened as I am? Good! Because you should be. That is some crazy, scary ass shit!
If I were ever to date her I envision that smile as the last thing I see as she pushes the pillow over my face just 3 months into our relationship because I said her casserole was “a little salty.”
I’ve been at this long enough to know that I need to steer clear of “Go Go Go Girls” of any kind.
Oh, one final thing. This lady has a blog. So even after everything I said about her and how I’d NEVER date anyone like this woman, at least I’m helping to promote her blog. She listed her full name on her Bumble profile so it’s public knowledge.
You can catch more of the craziness here:
Cut to: Her shooting at me as I climb a rope ladder into an awaiting helicopter that has come to chopper me out of this nightmare before it has a chance to ever happen. Bullets scream past my head as I scramble into the bird and scream, Go! Go! Go!
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