How to Make the Laws of Attraction Work Every Time

How do you make the Law of Attraction work every time? The secret is to discover one’s unconscious thinking in relation to what one desires to create consciously. If the unconscious thinking is in opposition to one’s desires, amend the counterproductive thinking into something that will align with one’s conscious desires. These easy steps will guide you through the process.


Be aware of what you are feeling, and through that, what situation or expectations you are creating. The most important thing is to always know and be aware of how you are feeling. In simple terms, if you are feeling bad (sad, mad, angry, stressed), that will attract bad things (more sadness, more madness, more anger, and so on). In the same aspect, if you are feeling happy and good, it will bring more happiness and good things or situations. While it is definitely not easy to always be feeling good, you just have to remind yourself that whatever you’re feeling will become your reality.

Breathe in deeply. This enables you to connect to what you are creating. On the exhale, expand to create more room for the connection. Surrender to what you are currently creating. Let go.

Take responsibility for what you are creating. Own it. Use the phrase “I want to experience (place here what you are experiencing)” because on some level you do want to experience it or you wouldn’t be experiencing it.

Visualize what you want, it could be anything from money, relationships, better health, a good grade on your paper, a new job, etc. You need to truly visualize and picture yourself having what you want already. Feel what it is to have what you want. The most important thing to remember about visualizing is you do not need to understand or think about how these good things will come. You only need to think about already having them, the rest will fall into place; just wait and see!

Find acceptance. Drop judgment of what you are creating to realize it is simply a creation. Discharge the energy or judgment typically associated with things that you don’t want. These unwanted things have been called negative, wrong, or bad.

Become aware of any unconscious thoughts creating against what you want consciously. Go through the first four steps with each unconscious thought that is hidden and in conflict with your conscious desires.

Make peace with the inner conflict about the situation. Bring both sides of your thinking together. Harmonize your conscious and unconscious thinking. Let them both speak and feel. Indeed two parts of you can be in disagreement with each other. Come to a place of being okay with each of them and feel the resulting peace.

Recreate. With awareness, acceptance, and peace brought to all parts of you regarding a situation, you have the power to recreate the circumstance and with a higher probability of long-lasting success.

Be grateful and actually happy with your current situation. Find whatever bright side there is to your situation. Even little things, for example, You are late for an appointment and there is no parking, but suddenly someone pulls out of the first spot and it’s yours! While many will overlook that, it’s a great example of something to be thankful for beyond the obvious things of being healthy, having family around you, being able to keep a roof over your head, etc. What you are grateful for will vary from person to person. If you can continuously be grateful day after day and truly feel good even amid the negative things around you, you will prevail.

Some examples

  • Bills: Your bills are piling up and there’s no hope in sight. Picture all those bills disappearing and money coming in instead (remember you don’t and shouldn’t think about how it will come, just that it will come).
  • Job: If you absolutely hate your job and your boss is just terrible and you’re constantly bogged down with work, try this. Picture your dream job or situation, visualize it every day and believe it’s possible. Who knows––your boss could get transferred and you can receive a promotion, whatever you want to happen!
  • Happy relationship: You really want to be in a healthy and happy relationship but you are not optimistic because you have only had bad experiences. Use the law of attraction for love! Picture your perfect situation, your perfect partner, feel what it is to be in a great happy relationship. Really believe it exists, daydream if you will. You never know! Your next trip to the grocery store, to Starbucks, or anywhere else for that matter could lead you to bump into the person of your dreams.


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7 Scientific Reasons You’re Attracted To That Special Someone (#3 Is Creepy)

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, we often equate attraction with beauty. But beauty in itself is not the only thing that attracts us. Science tells us that beauty is just one part of the equation. It seems that true romantic attraction goes way beyond the surface and is more closely linked to our subconscious urges to procreate. Here are seven scientific reasons why you’re likely attracted to a special someone.

He oozes confidence

The sexiest person in the room may not necessarily be the most beautiful person with perfect asymmetric features and a great body. It’s actually the person who projects self-confidence. So, why is self-confidence so darn sexy? Well, according to research published in the Society for Personality and Social Psychology,  it’s hard to see certain traits — like aptitude, ambition, social status, and compassion — in a potential love interest at first glance. Therefore, since we believe people actually know themselves, we assume that their perceived confidence (or lack of confidence) reflects positive traits that we’re looking for in a partner.

But there’s a fine line between self-confidence and overconfidence. Researchers decided to look at the advantage overconfident individuals might have in the dating world. What they found was that overconfident people were not seen as more attractive, and may in fact come across as being arrogant, which diminishes the benefits of being confident.

Opposites don’t attract, similarities do

Researchers have found that attraction happens from similarities, not differences.

If you share the same values, life experiences, age, and even similar levels of attractiveness, then there’s a good chance that special someone just might be your match. According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, the adage suggesting opposites attract may not entirely be true. It seems that ongoing evidence finds that romantic couples often share strong similarities between ages, political and religious attitudes. However, they only share a moderate similarity in education, general intelligence, and values.

Interestingly, though, when it comes to personality, the similarities stop there. So, while you’re happy being the life of the party, your partner just might be happier hanging out at home watching a good movie. But that doesn’t mean you won’t find them attractive. According to another study published in the same journal, having similarities in physical attractiveness — meaning you’re both a ten or a two — also plays a role in the process of romantic attraction.

He reminds you of dad, she reminds you of mom

Your earliest relationships are formed with your mom or dad, so it makes sense that you might seek out partners that resemble your opposite or even same-sex parent. And it doesn’t stop with personality, suggests a study in the Journal of Human Behavior and Evolution. It may even include the same eye color and age, meaning that if you have younger parents, you might search for a younger partner.

But how can that be, you say, especially when you have such a poor relationship with mom or dad? Well, it all begins with the attachment theory, suggests Psychology Today. Apparently, the emotional bond that typically forms between a baby and primary caregiver is the gateway to influencing how you will connect to others as adults romantically and in other ways. It also creates a basis on how relationships work. So, if you’re hoping that he or she finds you attractive, look no further than his or her parents.

Women are subconsciously attracted to chest hair

If you’re a man who shaves or waxes the hair from your chest area — stop! Research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior suggests that women find both muscular or huskier men, who possess hair on their chest area, more attractive than those who bare it all. It seems that chest hair plays a role in sexual selection for women. On a subconscious level, women see men with chest hair visually healthier and possessing a physical prowess — both, apparently, good traits for mating.

They smell so good!

Researchers have found that attraction has to do with pheromones.

Ever notice how some people just smell amazing? They may not be wearing perfume or aftershave, but their skin smells fantastic. Well, it turns out you’re likely sniffing their pheromones. Pheromones are a scent-inducing chemical that secretes in sweat and other bodily fluids. According to Scientific American, all creatures great and small — including humans — send out these chemical signals to entice mates. Bettina Pause, a psychologist at Heinrich Heine University of Düsseldorf, says, “We’ve just started to understand that there is communication below the level of consciousness.”

Your brain wants what it can’t have

Why is it that so many of us are drawn to that forbidden fruit? A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology presented women with the same photograph of their potential dream man. Half of the women were told Mr. Right was single, while the other half were told he was in a relationship. Over 50 percent of the women were interested in pursuing a single guy. Interestingly, that figure jumped to 90 percent when they discovered he was already in a committed relationship. Yikes!

It could be that we are drawn to those we consider “out of our league” because we see them as the ideal model of ourselves. Maybe we develop these crushes to force ourselves to improve both physically and socially. Whatever the reason, keep a close eye on your guy!

Love at first sight linked to our primordial past

Apparently, we have inherited the brain circuitry for instant attraction or “love at first sight” because of our primordial past. Dr. Helen Fisher, a professor with the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers, told, “Like other mammals, our female forebears had a monthly period of heat.” And, like all mammals that have only a few hours, days, or weeks to mate, our ancestors had to become attracted quickly. So, the next time you find yourself head over heels in love at first sight, just chalk it up to your primal need to procreate.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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8 Nifty Psychological Tricks That Can Make You Irresistible

You may believe that love is something that just happens. But the truth is, there are plenty of surprising factors that can tip the balance toward “yes” or “no” — from holding a cup of hot or cold coffee to asking for a small favor. Staying yourself is always the best strategy, but if you feel that there is The One in front of you, you can give yourself a small psychological leg up. Using science to your advantage during your date won’t hurt anybody.

Bright Side discovered 8 secret tricks you can use so you don’t feel like a jerk, but like a kind magician. They will certainly help you to make the best first impression, but the rest is in your hands.

8. Go for a “warm date.”

© ©

Researchers found that attraction can be linked to temperature. During the experiment, participants held cold and warm beverages while discussing a group of people. Those who had iced drinks in their hands tended to describe the people as harsh and cold, while those with hot drinks believed that they had warm personalities.

If such a simple act as holding something warm in our hands can make people more trusting and warm toward others, it’s easy to make it work to your advantage. All you have to do is skip out on the ice-cream date, and have a cup of warm coffee instead.

7. Mind your words when describing other people.

Studies show that anything you say about other people impacts how people see you. This effect is called spontaneous trait transference, and it works even if people know for sure that some traits don’t describe you. That’s why it’s better to avoid talking about people you don’t like or highlighting their negative sides. Focus on the positive and find something about others to compliment.

6. Be page 25.

All people are curious to some extent, but studies confirm that the desire to explore is higher in men. For example, a Quora user talked about a funny experiment. One book was published with a note at the beginning that said to read the text from the beginning till the end without looking at page 25 first. A large portion of men (unlike women) were so curious they opened it to page 25 right after buying the book.

This fact gives an easy win to women. If they are able to show themselves as mysterious and special (like page 25 in the experiment above), it wouldn’t be very difficult to gain the attention they want.

5. Repeat your date’s name.

In his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie mentioned that the sweetest and most important sound in any language to anyone’s ears is their name. It’s possible to make any person feel very important and valued by using their name during a conversation. So, if you tend to forget names the instant you hear them, think of ways that can help you remember during your date. Of course, this makes sense only if the outcome is important to you.

4. Follow the triangle.

You may have already heard that strong eye contact can increase our charm and make us more friendly and likable. But how do you look in the eyes of another person without making it creepy and uncomfortable? Try to draw an inverted triangle like it’s shown in the picture above. Stop at each point for 5–10 seconds at the beginning of your conversation.

Another simple way to look in someone’s eyes without feeling awkward is to check the persons’ eye color during your first meeting. It will take no longer than 2–3 seconds, but it will instantly make you more trustworthy.

3. Buy a small gift for yourself.

If you want to prepare a small surprise for your date, don’t forget about yourself. Studies show that people feel closer to others if they receive a gift that their partners have also bought for themselves. During the experiment, people who gave a gift with a note saying, “I hope you like this! I got myself the same one too!” were seen as more likable than when they only added a neutral message like, “Hope you enjoy!”

2. Ask for a favor.

This psychological trick is known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. It conveys the idea that we grow to like people for whom we do nice things. Moreover, when we ask someone for help, we communicate the idea that this person has more skills, knowledge, or strength than us. The key point here is to ask for something that won’t take a lot of time and effort — for example, open a door or hand something over.

1. Help yourself feel more attractive.

Yes, we know that it’s important to feel attractive. We also heard that it increases our confidence. Some of us put our best clothes on or try to impress our partners with something else. But knowing some facts science suggests can also be helpful.

For example, here is one way to increase that feeling for men — they should wear blue. According to studies, women are attracted to this color.

What trick would you like to try if you had a date? Do you think there is a trick that could work for you?


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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How To Be More Attractive To Women & Get The Girl Of Your Dreams

Find out how to make yourself stand out from the rest.

When it comes to dating, it seems like some men have all the luck. So what do those men know about how to be more attractive to women that you don’t?

Women universally love and respect men who are strong.

While researching my book, Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants, one of the biggest complaints I heard from women is that today’s men don’t show initiative and lack grit. They say that men seem oblivious to problems and wait for women to tell them what to do. Even when they’re asked for input about something, men will say, “you decide.”

Single women told me that when they go out for coffee with a man, instead of taking the lead and selecting the place to go, he wants her to choose. And when they finally get somewhere, he wants her to pick the table.

To avoid accusations of being controlling, many men have now gone to the opposite extreme by completely avoiding being assertive. They think they’re showing that they’re non-controlling nice guys and can’t understand why women are frustrated and lose respect for them.

Here are three key ways to become a self-assured man any woman would love:

1. Show leadership

When a man sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. Women admire men who are willing to step up, instead of waiting for others to solve the problem.

RELATED: The #1 Secret To Being Attractive To Women

2. Make decisions

A man needs to make his share of decisions (like picking a restaurant and/or a table) and take ownership of the outcome, instead of blaming it on someone else. To many women, a man who avoids being decisive is shirking his responsibilities.

3. Take responsibility

Refrain from attacking someone about a situation, and instead, make an effort to improve it.

There is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman for making a bad choice — even when he thinks she pushed him into it. As the man, it’s your lot to skillfully manage and salvage unfortunate circumstances, as well as seek to attain ideal ones.

Despite these tips, it’s important to get to know your mate in order to get a feel for what she wants. Ask specific questions based on the above suggestions. You may be surprised by her response.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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If He Does These 7 Things, He Likes You Way More Than You Think

He’s ready to take it to the next step!

Buying you flowers, paying for your dinner, making uninterrupted eye contact with you during said dinner — these are all classic signs a guy likes you.

These signs he’s into you are so “run of the mill” that they’re impossible to mistake.

But relationships aren’t always that black and white and figuring out how to tell if a guy likes you isn’t always so simple. If you’re asking yourself, “is he into me?” you aren’t alone.

Aside from the obvious signs of affection, there are a few unexpected signs someone likes you more than you think.

Since every relationship is as different as the people in them, it’s impossible to generalize the exact signs he likes you.

The way your new potential partner acts around you may be completely different than the behavior of an ex at the beginning of your relationship, which can cause you to question whether or not they really like you at all.

But believe it or not, the nuanced, subtle signs that you might not expect are oftentimes even more powerful indicators of someone’s true feelings than the grand gestures or stereotypical come-ons.

Instead of calling it quits because your new partner isn’t giving you the cues you expected, take a step back and evaluate their behavior through some of these more unexpected but important signs a guy likes you more than a friend.

1. He follows through.

In the beginning stages of a relationship, many people are focused on building trust and will go to great lengths to follow through on promises.

Although many people expect lavish promises at the beginning of a new relationship, The Huffington Post noted that the opposite might be true.

The site noted that if the person you’re seeing takes extra measures to make sure that they call when they say they’ll call, or follow through in other ways, you can assume that your relationship means something to them.

2. He takes it slow.

Although passion and speed might be common at the start of a new relationship, one piece from Thought Catalog pointed out that slowness isn’t a bad thing when it comes to relationships.

In fact, if someone wants to take it slow, it’s probably because the fear of messing things up with you is greater than their desire to get too intimate too soon.

3. You cultivate a friendship first.

Similar to taking it slow, if you have a genuine friendship established before jumping into anything romantic, you can rest assured that they like you in a deep way that goes beyond a crush.

4. He acts awkward toward you.

If your significant other seems to be calm, cool, and confident in front of everyone else but you, Elite Daily noted that they might just like you more than you think.

It’s common for people to be unsure of how to act in a new relationship, even when they typically seem to have it all together.

5. He acts ‘formulaic’ around you.

In one of his YouTube coaching videos, relationship coach Clayton Olson said that “formulaic” behavior is a bizarre behavior that a potential partner will sometimes exhibit at the beginning of a relationship.

This, he explained, means that they will follow an already established formula when it comes to your interactions, avoiding spontaneity or situations where they don’t feel comfortable.

Although it may make you feel like they’re being too reserved or boring, it’s simply a way to mask their initial feelings of being outside their comfort zone.

6. He mirrors your movements.

Mimicry has to do with a lot more than sympathy (i.e. the way we reel back sympathetically when someone gets hurt) it has something to do with affection too.

One study from the American Psychological Association noted that subtle mirroring is a sign of attraction in humans.

7. He doesn’t mind the inconveniences to be near you.

Are they willing to drive extra long hours to be with you for a short amount of time?

If things that would normally seem like an inconvenience aren’t a big deal to them, chances are, they’re head over heels.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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2 Reasons Why Women End Up Settling Down With Men They Aren’t Attracted To

Here’s another guest post from one of my followers. It’s good to get a woman’s point of view. Take it away, Brigette!

Why settle for less than you deserve?

Women settle for men they aren’t attracted to all the time, but why? Is it because they aren’t shallow and can see through to a guy’s great personality? Or is it because some women feel less confident in relationships with men who are too attractive?

Self-confidence is a huge deal for many women — especially when it comes to social media. Expectations are high — we see near-perfect people with perfect bodies in ads and through our friends’ and followers’ posts — we feel like we have to be perfect to “get the guy” of our dreams.

We insist on comparing ourselves to other women who are skinnier, prettier, taller, have clearer skin, or better hair. It’s hard to find a single female who is completely happy and satisfied with her looks and her body.

Men play a big part in this. Unfortunately, a lot of women tend to base their self-confidence off of the opinion of men — whether or not a boy asks them out or pays them attention or compliments or flirts with them.

Obviously, it feels good to have someone pay attention to you and to know that someone is attracted to you, even If that feeling is superficial. You feel like you’re pretty and desired and all of your insecurities can disappear for a moment … at least until they come rushing back and you start to think damaging things about yourself.

Self-destructive thoughts like, “he hasn’t seen me in a swimsuit yet so he doesn’t know what I look like entirely — what if he doesn’t actually like me after that?” start to float around your mind. Or you start to think that once he meets someone more attractive then he will go for her instead and no longer be interested.

I wish that none of this were true or that I could just say people never truly base their relationship decisions on attractiveness, but we do. Guys can be like that, and ladies can too. But attractiveness isn’t everything, and there are exceptions to every rule.

Take a look below at 2 important reasons why women end up settling in relationships or often choosing to be with men they aren’t physically attracted to.

Life and relationships are complicated, but these points help illustrate why our own insecurities as women change the way we make decisions when it comes to love.

1. Women worry that it’ll take “too long” to find someone new.

So, the thing is, when you meet a guy who knows all your flaws and has met all your friends already and he still wants you — that means he likes you and chooses you. He’s not actively looking for someone else, no matter how attractive they may be. And we women understand that that kind of commitment is hard to come by in the dating world.

So when a man dedicates himself to you, you feel like you can’t let go, because it took so long to find him in the first place, so what are the chances you’ll find someone else who will love me and adore me and want me in the same way? You convince yourself that even if you don’t feel the same way, this is the best you’re going to get, so you stay and you settle.

Nothing may be wrong with this guy you’re with, but even when you don’t feel that spark with him, you stay in the relationship because you’re fearful of being vulnerable again.

2. We’re afraid of being alone.

There is a great chance that this guy you’re with (that you’re not attracted to in the same way) is very nice to you and wants to do everything in his power to please you — maybe he feels like he’s not “in your league”, so he’s doing everything he can to not let you know that you can do better.

But if you’re a woman who just isn’t in it for the same reasons, settling for the “good enough” guy is a disservice to yourself — and to him.

Having a person by your side should not be the determining factor for your self-love and worthiness. As women, it’s difficult to imagine navigating the world alone — even for a little while — but being in a relationship where the feelings don’t go both ways is just wasting too much of your time.

I struggled a lot after my ex and I broke up. I felt like no other men would like me or want to date me — I didn’t feel pretty enough and felt intimidated by the dating scene. But it’s taken a lot of time and encouragement from friends and family to convince me that I am worthy of love and that I don’t need a partner in my life to give me worth.

As women, we need to be able to recognize our worth and value in life on our own so that we don’t feel awkward, unattractive, undesirable. And it’s important to remember that settling in a relationship with someone we don’t love or are not attracted to isn’t our only option.

The right person will come along when the time is right and be able to provide the love and care you desire. And you will know when you’re not settling, because you’ll feel it — you won’t doubt the love you feel for them and you’ll be sure of your future together.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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5 Reasons Physical Attraction Alone Isn’t The Most Important Thing In Your Relationship

Looks fade, but the emotional connection is everlasting.

Looks may be what initially attracts you to your significant other, but physical attraction alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. Connections made based on personality are, in fact, what keeps relationships alive.

To get into a relationship based just on looks isn’t wise. Physical attractiveness only allows you to see who the person is on the outside, not where it matters most.

That’s why looks alone are not the best indicator of long-term success in relationships.

Whenever we think of a couple’s likelihood to last, we think of how well they get along and their chemistry. Their collective attractiveness is what we tend to look at first, but not the main reason we think they’ll last.

There’s nothing great about having an attractive boyfriend if you don’t connect on an emotional level. You need to be able to feel comfortable enough to be your authentic self with your partner, and that means being able to laugh, cry, and eat chicken wings around them without worry.

Thankfully, long-lasting relationships aren’t solely built on looks because we don’t control our looks. Our genetics do, so how we look is completely out of our hands. Also, what we find attractive is sometimes subconscious.

Having binge-watching the reality series, Love Is Blind, on Netflix, it got me wondering whether this show was on to something. Is love truly blind? Can you really fall in love with someone based solely on the conversations you’ve shared with one another?

The answer to both questions is yes, but you do have to be attracted to your partner on a physical degree.

Although small, physical attraction does play a role in the success of the relationship, it’s still not the most important aspect.

Everyone should find their partner attractive enough to be able to enjoy the physical aspects of a relationship. When we get in relationships, we all want our needs to be met, so not finding your partner physically attractive could easily end the relationship, like not having an emotional connection.

When you’re choosing your next partner, be sure to keep in mind that physical attraction isn’t the only thing you need for a happy and healthy relationship.

1. Just because he’s physically attractive, it doesn’t mean he’ll have character.

Him being attractive doesn’t tell you anything about how he’ll treat you. You can think of quite a few boys who were extremely hot and complete f***boys and jerks. Just because he’s hot, that doesn’t mean he’ll treat you in the manner you deserve to be treated.

After the novelty effect of your partner’s looks wears off, you’ll be left with who he really is. That’s when the importance of personality and character will really hit you.

2. And it doesn’t mean he’ll be smart.

There’s nothing wrong with being a pretty boy. But in this day and age of girl bosses, intelligence is more important than ever.

Women want men who can have deep conversations ranging from business topics all the way to personal tragedies. And men who don’t have the intellectual capability of holding a conversation isn’t exactly your cup of tea.

3. His appearance doesn’t mean he’ll be loyal.

Not all men are cheaters. Some men are very upfront and transparent in that regard.

But it’s undeniable that the more attractive a man is, the more women will be interested in him. When you have more options to choose from, it makes it easier to cheat.
4. Physical attractiveness doesn’t equate to financial stability.

Financial stability is really important in relationships, especially if you’re at the stage of moving in together. But being attractive doesn’t mean he’s knowledgeable about budgeting.

Unfortunately, being attractive doesn’t pay the bills… unless he’s a male model or influencer, of course.

5. All that attention based on his looks might make him self-centered.

Being attractive can really cause some people to become cocky and feel entitled. No one wants to date a guy who’s self-centered because he thinks the whole world revolves around him!

Within a relationship, it’ll become very evident that he views himself as superior to his significant other.

The Absolute Dater – Making Online Dating Easy Again

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Women Who Do These 9 Things Don’t Get Played by Men


If you really want to know how to get a guy to like you and find true love, the only way to make that happen is by dating with an open heart.

But I know what you’ve been through.

You’re tired of investing time and energy in the wrong men, only to end up frustrated, hurt, and empty-handed again and again.

You’ve worked hard to finally find peace and a sense of happiness in your life, so there’s no way you’re going to let someone come into your life and mess it all up.

And yet … you don’t want to give up on the possibility of finding your one true love.

You want to meet the right man — someone who makes you feel challenged, inspired, and adored. But understandably, you’re scared.

After everything you’ve been through, you’re not sure which dating tips to follow in order to keep from getting played or wasting valuable time.

How do you put yourself “out there” and open yourself up to love while also protecting your heart and the peace you’ve worked so hard to cultivate in your life?

The answer lies in openness coupled with boundaries. Yes, it’s possible!

If you want to know how to get a guy to like you for you and finally find true love, here are 9 things you can do to make sure it’s safe to be vulnerable opening your heart again when dating.

1. Avoid guys with obviously low self-esteem.

If he doesn’t love and value himself, he probably can’t love and value you in a healthy way.

Find someone with high self-esteem. This is so important.

2. Make sure his values regarding family and relationships match yours.

Take a close look at the life he has created. Does he have healthy long-lasting relationships with friends and family? Does he have his finances and responsibilities in order?

Does he have a good relationship with the ex and kids? Make sure his life is running smoothly before you invite him into yours.

3. Don’t accept his bad behavior.

Think about the behaviors that hurt you in past relationships, and write them down. Was your ex passive-aggressive, negative, critical, non-communicative, or cold?

If your current beau is repeating some of the same behaviors, ask him to stop. If he can’t (or won’t), move on. You deserve to be treated beautifully.

4. Pay attention to what he does not what he says.

His actions show that he cares about you, more so than his words.

Does he make time for you and stay connected when he’s not with you? Does he make promises and then follow through?

A boyfriend who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind will someday be a husband who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind.

5. Make sure he includes you in all aspects of his life.

Over time, he should start to include you in every aspect of his life, without exception. He welcomes you in his home and office. He invites you to spend time with his friends and family. And he’s proud to show you off!

If he’s excited to have you in his life and wants to include you in every aspect of it, he’s a keeper.

6. Be sure he’s into you.

If a man’s into you, he’ll make you a priority. He’ll ask to spend time with you consistently, and he’ll tell you what he likes about you.

You won’t have to wonder how he feels or wait anxiously for his call.

Bottom line — if he’s into you, you’ll know it. And if he’s not, go find someone who is.

7. Advocate for yourself.

If something is bothering you, tell him. If he dismisses your feelings or gets defensive, that’s a red flag.

Only date someone who’s able to assess his own behavior and make changes when necessary. Date a man who owns up to his mistakes and who values your feelings (and do the same for him).

8. Wait to have sex (the right one will wait!).

Sex is awesome, and I’m all for it. But when you’re serious about finding “the one”, it’s a good idea to wait. Waiting until you’re in a relationship gives the two of you time to create emotional intimacy first, which is a smart strategy.

If the man you’re dating is genuinely interested in you, he’ll wait until you’re ready. If he’s more concerned about sex and not you, then he doesn’t respect that boundary.

9. Make sure you feel relaxed and happy when you’re with him.

If you feel stressed, anxious, or have to walk on eggshells when you’re dating, something’s wrong. Trust your gut and keep track of how you feel. If there are more bad days than good ones, it might be time to move on.

When you’re in the right relationship, you’ll feel happy, relaxed, and comfortable. I hear this from happy couples all the time!

With strong boundaries and high expectations, you’ll know when it’s safe to open your heart.

And when you’re all in — when you’re authentic, generous, warm, and loving — that’s when love will show up. That’s when the magic will happen.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, share, and most of all, follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here:

What Makes a Man Attractive? 15 Traits Guys Should Focus On

What makes a man attractive may be the million-dollar question, but it’s not that hard to answer. It could be you just need to shift your focus a little.

Many men write to me, asking me about what makes a man attractive to a woman. Now, it’s a pretty broad question to ask. Every woman is different. Some like their guys with a sense of humor, other women like their men shy.

Before we proceed, it’s important to know that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. That being said, there are general traits which a majority of women look for when trying to find a suitable partner. And these traits have nothing to do with you looking like Ryan Gosling or a million dollar pay check every month.

What makes a man attractive?

In my own experience, what I found attractive in men was basic. I wanted a talkative partner with a good sense of humor and who is calmer than me. I’m usually wired like an Energizer bunny, and if my partner was the same, we’d be in big trouble. But this doesn’t mean my best friend or the girl down the street wants the same thing.

No one said finding a partner was going to be easy, especially because everyone wants different things. But alas, here we are, and there are some traits that most women can all agree are desirable. So, if you want to know what makes a man attractive, keep reading. It’s time to find out!

#1 Your face isn’t the ticket. Yes, women would love to have a chance with Ryan Gosling or Chris Evans, but in reality, women aren’t that interested if you’re better looking or not. Women usually opt for more attractive men for flings. However, when it comes to serious relationships, they’re not interested in finding the hottest guy in town.

#2 Women want to laugh. At the end of the day, we want a partner who’s going to make us laugh. A sense of humor is extremely important, and it should be a must-have trait on your list as well. Can you imagine being with someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Men who are found to have a good sense of humor appear more intelligent.

#3 It’s all about kindness. Though the bad boy may look appealing, they’re not long-term partner material. Instead, when women want to settle down, they look for altruistic men who are interested in helping others and doing good things.

#4 Hygiene. So, appearance does matter, but probably not to the extent you’re thinking. You don’t need to wear the latest brand names or have an expensive watch to seem attractive. But, women are looking for men who are well-groomed and hygienic. No one wants to date a stinky man. Taking care of yourself on a basic level is attractive to women.

#5 Beard or no beard? Many men wonder if having a beard affects their interactions with women. Well, having a beard or no beard is largely based on personal preference. So, facial hair can make you attractive, but it can also act as a repellent. Choose what you like when it comes to facial hair.

#6 Confidence. When it comes to attractive men and women, they’re usually the ones exuding confidence. No matter what you look like, confidence is the key. It’s sexy, there’s no denying it. This has nothing to do with looks, rather purely on how you carry yourself in front of others. Stand up tall, shoulders back, and own yourself.

#7 Manners. I remember watching my date burp in my face over dinner. Needless to say, that was the last time I saw him. Manners are extremely important because it shows her what kind of person you are and how you were raised. These are things women pay attention to when on the dating scene.

#8 Active listening. Men are often teased about their poor listening skills. But, if you’re wondering what makes a man attractive, this is one trait that women are looking for in a partner. They want a man who’ll actively listen and provide input when needed. An attractive man is someone she can talk to and doesn’t feel like she’s communicating with a wall.

#9 Feeling of security. Women want to feel safe. I’m pretty sure everyone wants to feel safe around their partner. This is something to prove to a potential partner. Does this mean you look like the hulk? No. This isn’t about muscle mass. It’s about giving her the feeling that you can protect her. That’s attractive.

#10 Responsibility. So many people are scared to admit when they made a mistake. They are unable to apologize if they did something wrong. But apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions doesn’t mean you’re weak. A man who can take responsibility for himself is highly attractive for a woman. It shows maturity and personal growth.

#11 Connected to his feminine side. Many men are terrified of connecting with their feminine side, but this is what women are looking for in a man. They want a partner who’s well-rounded, empathetic, and kind. Sure, we like the idea of being with “a man,” but you can’t be alpha all the time. It’s exhausting. 

#12 Independence. No woman wants a mama’s boy. Yet, so many men are unable to cook and clean for themselves. A man who lives independently is an important trait women look for in a man. And it’s pretty hot to come home to dinner. A woman is looking for a partner, not a fully grown child.

#13 Knows how to have fun. Women want a guy who’s not always so serious. He knows when to separate work from play, and when he does relax, he enjoys his time and knows how to have fun. Being serious can be sexy, but only up to a point. Women want to enjoy their life with someone who knows how to.

#14 He has brains. Who doesn’t want an intelligent partner? When it comes to brains, intelligent men are sexy. A woman wants to know she’ll have a partner by her side, not someone she carries through life. A man who’s well-read and educated is really sexy.

#15 Appreciates women. No, I’m not talking about a Casanova type of guy. But an attractive man is someone who appreciates and respects women. Have you ever seen a man with mommy issues? It’s not attractive, and if anything, women stay far away from those guys.

You don’t need to look like Ryan Reynolds or Brad Pitt to be considered attractive. Most of what makes a man attractive to women has to do with your characteristics and your game.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here:

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

The Chill Way To Ask Someone Out Is Even Easier Than You’d Think

Having a secret crush can be fun for awhile, but until someone makes a move, it can’t possibly go any further. Maybe there’s someone you’ve had your eye on for months, and you want to gather the courage to ask them out on a date. But how can you do it in a way that doesn’t freak them out? The chill way to ask someone out all comes down to confidence… and being straightforward about what you want.

Ambiguous relationships are everywhere today. Dating apps give people the ability to meet someone new at the flick of the thumb, and so often, new relationships get caught in the trap of “casual” dates and hookups where neither partner wants to express what they really feel. “People are often afraid that their partner doesn’t think of the situation the way they do, so that could lead to some hesitancy when it comes to giving it a title,” college student Mhaya Polacco told us in a roundtable conversation about modern relationships. If you blatantly express interest, you’re placing your emotional cards on the table, and thus opening the door for a relationship — but also a potential rejection.

This isn’t to say that casual, no-labels dating isn’t great, if that’s what you’re looking for. But unfortunately, it’s easy to get so caught up in being “chill” that you hide your real feelings for someone. If you do want to pursue a relationship, the very best thing you can do is just tell the person you’re interested in them. It’s that simple! If your crush is the right person for you, they’ll find it sexy that you told them how you feel, point blank.

Happy young interracial couple pretty african american woman and caucasian man boyfriend laugh flirt enjoy fun conversation on first date, mixed race teen girl in love talking having fun at meeting


When you’re ready to make the first move, remember that regardless of the outcome, you should be proud of yourself for being honest. The more you can let go of anxiety, the more confident (and yes, “chill”) you’ll come off. “Remind yourself that you may like this person and feel really excited about them, but you do not need them to say yes,” confidence coach Dr. Aziz Gazipura told us. “Paradoxically, the more you let go of needing them to like you, the more relaxed you become, and the more likely it is they indeed will like you!” People are attracted to effortless, positive energy, so if you put that out into the world, you’ll be naturally charming to everyone around you.

Before you ask your crush on a date (whether it’s over text or IRL), ease into it with a casual conversation about your shared interests. “Starting a casual conversation about anything light and easy … will ease your way into asking the question,” explained life coach Susie Moore. “Just getting started is what matters! Remember that people are just people, and they don’t have to make you nervous. And if you don’t ask — the answer is always no!”

Simply saying, “I’d love to get to know you better. Would you like to have dinner/drinks/coffee?” is probably the chillest, most attractive way to tell someone you’re into them. Showing your emotions in a vulnerable way is sexy, and anyone who makes you feel like you can’t express yourself isn’t worth your time. If you ask a direct question, you’re more likely to get a direct answer, so you won’t get stuck in the loop of “are we or aren’t we” that plagues so many people trying to gauge one another’s interest.

As much as you and I may have been led to believe that “chillness” means “ambiguity,” I think it’s time to reclaim the word to mean “honesty.” Because what’s better than being straightforward about telling someone, “I’m into you”? Relationships are built on vulnerability, so if you start things out by being brave, you’re setting the stage for an open line of communication down the road. And if it doesn’t work out, then hey — at least you got clarity so you can find a fresh start.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here:

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

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