Valerie – Love Me Tinder – Date 2

Another tale of one man’s journey through the dating scene in Philadelphia, searching

So here we are after my 2nd date with lovely Valerie. Last night we went out again. This time to the movies. (Her idea!) On our first date she said she would email me with what film she wanted to see. We both love film so I trust her judgement.

I headed down to the Ritz 5 in Society Hill. I stopped into the box office and picked up our tickets around 6:30, and then walked across the street to Positano Coast for a beer before the film. I met her at the theater at 6:50 and we headed in. She didn’t want any snacks and I was fine with that. She sort of picked where we sat and I was fine with that as well.

The film was The Light Between Oceans. It was good. A bit long, 2:13 running time. The cinematography was solid, the score was strong. But here’s the thing… It was a heartbreaking story. If you want to be sad and hurt, by all means go see this film. But I was with her and she was so well-behaved. Well behaved in the movie theater is super important to me. She was on time. Quiet and still during the show. Unlike that mess Carol from last Tuesday’s blog.

So after the movie we just sort of walked around in circles in Society Hill just catching up and chatting. It’s refreshing to be around someone who is a peer. What have I been thinking dating these younger women? It’s nice to have a conversation with someone who has a shared experience of life, career, marriage, divorce, kids, etc.

So it was getting a bit late. And when I say late I mean like, 9:30 on a school night. We stopped into Cavanaugh’s for a nightcap. We went upstairs and she had an Amstel Light and I had the house chardonnay.

I expressed to her that I was working on a new work opportunity and I had a very early Thursday. I wanted to make it very clear I wasn’t trying to bail or leave early. I told her I liked her and I enjoyed spending time with her. She was fine with it and she said she was tired too. She even said “We went to the early show and I’m yawning!” So we got out of there and I walked her to her door. We had a sweet goodnight kiss, and I told her I’d be in touch. I was going to take her to brunch on Saturday, and I told her that, but she is going to her son’s sporting event. I’m glad I told her that I was interested in her and wanted to see her again. So it’ll probably be some sort of food oriented date next.

I enjoy the long arc when it comes to dating. I want to see a woman and spend time with her until it slowly simmers and then comes to a boil in an explosion of lust and pulchritude. It’s just the way I am. The beginning is the best part. The courtship. The thrust and parry of our words and glances. A touch here, a stolen kiss there…and then ignition!

So like last week, this is a bonus blog that just happened last night so I wanted to crack it off as soon as possible to you dear readers. It wasn’t very long but this relationship will probably be a solid, no drama build up.

But in true PhicklePhilly tradition, I have a brunch date with a pretty Asian girl on Saturday, so there may be another bonus blog on Sunday!  Have a great weekend everyone.

 

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Carol 5/2014 to 8/2016 – There’s No Fun in Dysfunction – Part II

Another tale of one man’s journey navigating his way through the dating scene in Philadelphia.

When we last left out hero, he was hanging out in his office, with Carol. Sh’e about to drop an atomic bomb on him.

So we’re at the office and she has to call her mom and go around and around with her about it for a while and I’m like, “what am I doing here? This is painful.” So I just plow the vodka into me and after a while I’m chill and can deal with her. So eventually she calmed down after talking to her mom. I know there was some talk about her and her mom making some other ring out of something and Carol getting some kind of tattoo. To me…all a waste of time but her, it’s not my family. So at one point out of the blue she says to me the following words:

“Do you think I’m fat?”

Guys… fair warning here. I’m about to tell you what to do in this situation if it ever happens to you. Because this one is a biggie. Great thing is if you are a dog owner or a pet owner of any kind, just remember, your pet will never ask you shit like this. I’m really good at navigating the treacherous waters of the emotions of the fairer sex.

Okay. This is important. Here’s what we know:

You realize there’s no way I can possibly answer this and not have her upset one way or the other. If you think you look fat but don’t look fat, and I say you don’t, you’ll think I’m lying. If you don’t think you look fat but don’t look fat, and I say you don’t, you’ll think I’m just flattering you. If you do think you look fat and you are fat, and I say you don’t, you’ll know I’m lying. If, regardless of circumstances I say you look fat, you’ll be hurt and insulted. It’s nearly an unwinnable game that no man should have the misfortune to ever have to play.

Here are some options:

“Do you think I’m fat?”

  1. Carol you are a beautiful woman and perfect just the way you are.
  2. No! (be adamant)  I think you’re gorgeous.
  3. Here’s a bracelet. (Then run away really fast)

Unfortunately… I did none of the above. Normally I’m deadly with words and deeds and diplomacy when it comes to girls but I don’t know if it was the booze, the exhaustion, or the ringing in my ears from her last tirade, or a lethal combination of all three, but I said the following:

“I suppose we all could be in a little better shape.”

Cut to: Atomic bomb exploding.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have spoken to several of my friends about this incident and everyone agrees that my answer was wrong. Dead wrong. Again, I don’t know why I said it, but it came out. If I could have somehow reached out with my hands and pulled the words back and shoved them into my stupid gaping maw, I would have. But it was too late. Well Carol got very angry and stormed out of my office and left the building in a huff. On my way home I received the following drunken text from her:

“Home… About to exercise and diet and make myself throw up to be thin. I can’t wait to have an eating disorder so I look attractive to you. By the way, I am amazed at your 6 pack and your figure, you are fit amazingly attractive God!!! You are so fit and built. Noooo extra belly fat on you! Night. Hope I lose weight so someone like you finds me attractive… But I can only hope since I’m so fat.”

That is some angry volatile shit right there.

Realizing there were several factors that came together to cause this cataclysmic explosion of rage, I decided to not respond and just let her cool off. Besides, she’s not my girlfriend. Sure I fucked up. I broke the code. It happens. But did I deserve such a wicked verbal attack? Maybe not so much. I just decided to let the cards fall where they would. A week later, I got a big apology text from her. I kind of would have liked it in person, followed by some passionate kissing but in the long run. Apology accepted. So it was business as usual with us. The occasional Saturday bar hop. She had recently secured a job out in Plymouth Meeting at a recruitment firm. Recruitment is a tough job. I know people who do it and it’s tough. They are really hard workers and understand how the employer vs employee dynamic works and locking down the talent. It isn’t much money at first but if you work your ass off and keep at it the rewards can be great, but it is a grind that takes time. Like anything with high reward.

So I knew I’d be seeing less of her and it would be a struggle based on her history to get up at the alarm every morning and drive to work and be on time everyday. Stuff I take for granted that’s easy for me is sometimes really difficult for others. But these are basic functions to stay in step with humanity. get up, go to work and do your job. Repeat. So I hope she makes it.

She had been going to my friend’s tanning salon every Sunday because I had secured a deal there for her. But the deal ran out and she stopped coming. She said she found a cheaper place on her way home from work out in Rockledge or something. No sunburned skin off my nose.  I knew I would hear less and less from her because she was busy with her work and hanging on there and probably sleeping on the weekends because believe you me getting her going before 2pm on the weekends is normally a miracle. Which brings me to the latest incident.

She reached out to me on August 23rd of last week in a text and said:

Carol: “I miss hanging out. Can we hang soon?”

Me: “I’m available Saturday.”

Carol: Ok. We should do a Carol and (My Name) Day. I called you (My Name) which I never do.”

Me: “I’m fine with that. I’ll mark my calendar.”

Carol: “But not too early.”

Me: “Of course. Mid afternoonish is cool.”

Carol: “Ok. Let’s do it. I’ll set a reminder for myself.”

Me: 🙂

Last Saturday arrived and I figured I’d get a text around 3pm and then she may make it out sometime after that. I know it sucks. It’s like the whole day is wasted instead of me and Carol. I went to visit a friend of mine at her work and chatted awhile about it. Earlier in the week some people had done the perfunctory, ” Any plans for this weekend?” and I’d say I’m going to hang with Carol. But Saturday the hands of time went round and round without a word from Carol. My friend who I had been chatting with that day said, “When that happens to me I just assume they are really hung over or dead.” That’s great, I said but I don’t like being stood up. And when I really look at my life I really don’t have time for a handful like Carol. You may start to see a trend as I go forward with this blog, but it will all make sense in the near future why this sort of nonsense happens with these women.

So I went home, fixed myself a vodka and tonic, lit a cig and continued watching the Netflix exclusive series, Stranger Things. (Great show! Check it out.)

I went to Carol’s name in my phone and blocked her.  I need to make sure I only surround myself with people who value me. I have also recently blocked her on Instagram and Facebook. So I’m done with her.

Fucking Crickets!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 9am EST.

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Carol – 5/2014 to 8/2016 – There’s No Fun in Dysfunction – Part I

Another tale of one man’s journey navigating his way through the dating scene in Philadelphia.

I was introduced to Carol by a friend of mine who works as an event director for a center city restaurant. I was literally sitting at the bar and my friend walks up with Carol, and says “Can you babysit this one for a while and I’ll meet you next door in a little bit.” Carol and I immediately hit it off and were chatting and laughing. We went to Square 1682 for a drink. Carol seemed fun. She has  a nice face, long brown hair she’s probably 5’4″ green eyes and is somewhat voluptuous. Very busty. She recently cut her hair to shoulder length and donated it to make wigs for cancer kids, so that’s a nice gesture.

I liked her well enough. She was bubbly and fun to be around. I did notice that her regular speech was peppered with profanity to the point where I would have to say something. I can trust a person that uses the whole language but too much cursing is just a lazy mind’s way of expressing itself. Something I also noticed that when she would drink she’d become very intense about whatever it was she was talking about. Sometimes it seemed overpowering and I can see how that would drive people away from her. But we had fun that night and I saw a green light so I went in for a kiss but she deflected it. I thought I saw a green light but apparently it was turning from yellow to red!

So after that night I didn’t see her for a while but I ran into her one evening. She was coming from her latest job and was on her way home. She worked at some start-up here in the city. We chatted and decided to have a drink. We get there and she is drinking, and getting excited and loud and as usual a little profane. It was actually painful for me to be sitting there. I was feeling stressed just listening to her. Then she saw someone she knew outside and went out to chat with them. We were in a bar I frequent so I was comfortable sitting there by myself. The bartender even looked at me like; “Dude, I feel your pain.” She got me a whiskey just to soothe my nerves.

Carol had mentioned she was supposed to meet her friend for birthday drinks down at some bar down in midtown village or as some call it the gayborhood. Her friend who was having the birthday is gay so it would stand to reason. I can’t remember the name of the place but it’ll come to me. Carol hadn’t come back from whoever she was talking to outside and I wanted to go see my friend who worked the door over at Ashton Cigar Bar, so I settled up at Square 1682 and text Carol that I had to leave. Frankly I was relieved to get away from her.

So I’m chatting with my friend at Ashton sipping a drink and smoking a cig so I’m calm and happy now. Carol texts me and asks me what I’m doing. I tell her I’m at Ashton. I know I shouldn’t have done that but I had already had a few drinks in me and was feeling fine on a Friday. So she comes to Ashton and gets carded by my friend. As a sidebar here my friend has a good job but was bouncing just as a part-time gig. Anyone you ever met who has worked at a bar knows it’s a tough job. You have to deal with a bunch of drunk and arrogant people some of the time. So when Carol gave him a hard time when he carded her and may have called him an asshole, my buddy wanted to toss her out. But I smoothed things out. But his tolerance for that kind of nonsense is very low.

Carol begged me to go to the birthday thing with her and I was like what the hell by then. So I agreed. I find that the more alcohol I consume the easier it is to deal with her volatility. So we walked over and her friend was there. Surprisingly enough it was a great place. The people were friendly and I was having a good time. I even ran into a guy I had met in my business network there with his friend whom until that moment I didn’t know was gay.  I believe in live and let live, but when you’re in a bar you would never go to and you’re like, “I know that dude.” “Wait… that dude’s gay?”

Anyway we had a good old-time there and later Carol jumped in a taxi and I walked home.

So Carol and I would meet up occasionally. Normally there was drinking involved. We both like vodka so that’s a match. I remember it was Thanksgiving Day of 2015 and we both sort of had nothing going on, so I went to her house and we made road sodas and just walked around the city and ate and drank. The city was quiet because of the holiday and the weather was nice so it was memorable. I remember later telling a friend of mine who had a big family and friends type Thanksgiving, that had been somewhat stressful as most holiday gatherings go. When I described my day with Carol, he said that he thought that was glorious. Road sodas, stop at Misconduct Tavern on Locust for food, Jose Pistola’s for drinks and then one more stop and then home.

And it was good. On another occasion I brought her up to my office and we would drink, listen to music and smoke cigarettes and just chat. So we would get pretty buzzed and I ended up kissing her lips. It was nice, and I was thinking maybe we could have something? I wasn’t that into her and she did make me crazy with her “tire spinning in the snow” like rants about her mother or her boss or her sister or her dog or whatever was working on her mind at that minute. But there was something about her I liked. Maybe we were just filling some void in each others lives at that time. She was then out of work, and needed someone who would listen and not be a slob to her and that was me.

My all time favorite moment with Carol, was one night we were hanging outside of Square 1682 smoking cigarettes. We ran into a guy we both knew. I worked with him, and Carol knew him from college. he called her some creepy nickname when he saw her. So she says, “Hey Alan, whatever happened to that crazy bitch you were dating that cheated on you with your roommate?” Alan goes “I married her.”

Crickets! (But glorious silent elegant crickets.)

One night we were at Aldine having drinks, and that is a nice place in Rittenhouse. Well the owner is behind the bar and of course I’m trying to possibly get a future meeting to discuss maybe advertising her bar/restaurant in the publication where I work. And Carol makes some reference of how she doesn’t want to leave her drink unattended while we go out and smoke because she doesn’t want to get roofied. Carol has a very real fear of that happening. And I get it. I really do. Anyone that would drug a woman and take advantage of them so they can easily rape them, should go to jail. And I don’t mean the local hoosgow. I mean you need to be sent to “pound you in the ass prison” and get passed around like a blow up doll for a long time. (reference: Office Space & American History X) But in this case Carol is saying something to a female business owner who owns a fine restaurant and she is right there behind the bar and we’re the only ones there! It’s a bit insensitive and inappropriate. So when we were downstairs I mentioned that it was a nice place and she shouldn’t say things like that to the owner. Just have her cover your drink with a cocktail napkin or hold it behind the bar. Carol was a bit drunk and adamant about the whole roofie thing. And again… I get it. You’ve read my views on that above. But I told her there are times when she says things and they are inappropriate and poorly timed. She needs to see and understand who her audience is before she opens her mouth. Like, am I going to come out and sing Carpenters songs at a Sturgis biker rally? Hell no. So she was stressing me out and I told her maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore. Well we talked some more and apologies happened and we were fine.

One of my favorite things that we used to do during the winter and spring of this year was we would meet at an agreed movie theater. The Ritz theaters are my favorite. We would go see some film and I’d get some popcorn and a diet coke and she would break out the liter of wine from her bag. I can’t remember the brand of wine but it was a chardonnay that came in one of those non glass containers. She would break out the cups and would always pour us our drinks. We’d sit in the back of the theater and drink wine and eat popcorn. I even brought her 2 miniatures of vodka as a bonus for her. Great thing is, we have never been caught! It reminds me of a joke I used to do years ago in my stand up act. “I got thrown out of the movie theater the other day. Why? For bringing in my food from outside. We’ve all done that right? Well it had been a long time since I had a barbecue…”

Anyway, we have done the movie thing a few times and it has always been fun. One night she was feeling volatile about some family things and I met her at Happy Rooster for a drink after work. It was like 8:30 on a Friday and I just felt beat. Just exhausted and drained. But I knew after a few drinks I would be back in the groove again. So I’m sitting outside and I’m sweating and tired because it’s been very hot this summer in Philadelphia. I can’t get any service and all I want at that moment is an ice-cold beer and a cigarette. I finally get one and I crush it. Carol shows up late. I forgot to mention this. Carol is ALWAYS late. And you will learn that I am very punctual when it comes to things in life. My father drilled that into me. Maybe it’s the German in us. But to me, being on time is paramount in all situations. My father would say, “It’s not that we agreed on 11′ o clock, it’s that your didn’t honor that promise. So your word means nothing”. Sure he’s hard. But he’s right. He’s trying to make me a better person so I don’t fail people in the future not be home on time for bedtime. Life lessons. My ex-wife was always late for everything and it drove me nuts. But I won’t be writing about her in this blog because this blog is called “PhicklePhilly”, not “NoOneCanGetAlongWithYouPhilly.” Carol is always late for everything. I would have to tell her the movie started at 1:30 when it really began at 2:oopm. That sort of stuff which aggravates the hell out of me. So I’m sitting at Happy Rooster and she shows up and says she has a bottle of vodka in her purse we just need to go get some club soda and we can go drink that for free at my air-conditioned office. That seemed like a great idea. But here’s the thing. She is going on and on about how her grandfather recently passed and her sister and/or her cousin had somehow hooked some rings and stuff from the estate. Carol was super angry. Now I don’t drink coffee because I have natural energy. It’s a blessing. But many times I get my energy from the people around me. It works great for me. But there was so much bad energy coming off her it was killing me. I wished she would just disappear but she did have free vodka so I knew once I had my happy serum I wouldn’t give a crap what she was talking about. And don’t get me wrong dear reader, My Father passed away earlier this year. Carol was flipping about jewelry. Just stuff. I’m not a fan of stuff. I get the whole family heirloom shit. But none of that will bring back your loved ones. they’re never coming back. Just be happy for the fleeting time you had with them and be lucky that your had it at all.

So we’re at the office and she has to call her mom and go around and around with her about it for a while and I’m like, “what am I doing here? This is painful.” So I just plow the vodka into me and after a while I’m chill and can deal with her. So eventually she calmed down after talking to her mom. I know there was some talk about her and her mom making some other ring out of something and Carol getting some kind of tattoo. To me…all a waste of time but her, it’s not my family. So at one point out of the blue she says to me the following words:

“Do you think I’m fat?”

Find out Wednesday what our hero’s response is to that question. The result could be catastrophic.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 9am EST.

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Valerie – Love me Tinder – Aug. 2016 – Date 1

Another tale of one man’s journey navigating his way through the dating scene in Philadelphia.

Hello! So here we are with another installment of Phickle Philly! It’s off the regular schedule of every Tuesday but this just happened. So let’s just jump into it. I recently went on Tinder. A friend of mine told me about it. Actually, he’s not a friend, he’s more an acquaintance. Actually he’s some sleazy lawyer that attached himself to me like a sea lamprey so he could get into events and eat and drink for free.

So I downloaded the app and set up a profile. I was honest about who I am and what I’m looking for on the site.  Well not totally, but after much thought I went with “LTR.” Long term relationship. Actually in truth I would just like to date a bit and then, and only then if I really click with someone it will become a long-term relationship. Some people want hook ups and some want casual dating and others want LTR. But lets face it people, Everybody wants a long term relationship. No matter how many ways you can deny it or say, “I just can’t” or “I’m not ready” that’s all bullshit. Unless you are just a wicked person that is mean and mentally ill and a felon or violent or on some sort of controlled substance and because you can’t break from your addiction you want to be in a LTR.

And I’ll tell you why. Remember the rush of falling in love? Yea. It’s the greatest drug in the world. Take it from someone has fallen in love many times. It’s amazing. The excitement the butterflies, the raw euphoria of falling in love with someone. There is nothing like it. The only thing that for me ever came close is playing rock on stage with my band and people are cheering about some song you wrote in your bedroom when you were broken-hearted because Linda isn’t returning your phone calls anymore. So I’m on Tinder to go on a few dates and see what happens, but we all know bottom line… it’s either hell yea or hell no. Anybody that tells you different is either nuts or is still wounded from  past relationship. We’re sentient beings. We’re an extremely social species. We need to be loved. We yearn for it. And anybody that doesn’t believe that is a liar.

So there are a few things you can do on Tinder. People’s pictures come up and so does their bio if they have one. one your phone you swipe right if you like them or swipe left if you are not interested. But… there is a little blue star icon at the bottom of the page and if you REALLY like someone, you can hit the star button and Super Like them. That’s what Valerie did to me.

So that’s a good thing. She has a good job, is attractive and age appropriate. We’ve been chatting a little bit on the site and have even exchanged cell numbers. So we set up a date to meet for a drink at the Liberte bar at Sofitel hotel. That date is tonight at 5:30. So I will write more tomorrow after the date takes place and we see how it goes.

The Date

It was humid out as it has been lately, so around 3:30 I took a taxi up to 16th and Chestnut Street. It took forever because of the traffic. I hopped out and walked over to 15th and Market. I stopped at a street cart and grabbed a hot dog because I was hungry. Not too hungry and I didn’t want to feel bloated.  Just a light snack to wear as drinking armor. I walked south on 15th street. I do have to say, if there is one street I hate to walk on 15th street between Market and Chestnut. It’s just an ugly space. I don’t really want to go into why at this point but if you are ever there you’ll get it. I turned right on Ranstead, which between 15th and 16th is nothing more than a filthy alley. As I walked along I saw the back of 1517 Chestnut street. It’s just a door with a doorbell. But I know it better as an Asian massage parlor that is simply a black door on Chestnut next to 5 Guys Burgers. So apparently you can come in one door and go out the other! (future blog) I stopped up to see my friend Kelly. ( Kelly will be featured in a future blog) She works on 16th at a beauty salon. I chatted with her a bit and then headed to Davio’s on 17th street. I wanted to get a base coat on just to take the edge off, so I ordered a martini. My favorite bartender there was on shift and he always makes me a great one. And the best part? It’s only $6.60. That is an incredible price for a martini in this city. Normally you’d pay twice that. My friend Carly who also works there, (future blog post) stopped to say hello. I told her I had to go soon because I had a date across the street at Sofitel at 5:30. She said if it didn’t go well I could count on her to extract me from the situation. So after two martinis I was more than ready to go. I really wanted to smoke a cigarette, but I thought it prudent not to because you never get a second chance to make a first impression. So I walked over to Sofitel. The bar was dead. I was glad because I wanted to be somewhere quiet so we could chat. I ordered a glass of their house chardonnay. Another nice thing they do at Sofitel is put some assorted snacks on the bar. A rare occurrence these days.

Valerie arrived at 5:30. Looked good. Looked better than her pics. Her blonde hair was longer than I remembered. She ordered a glass of red and we started chatting. We covered the usual stuff. It is easier when you both are from the same generation. There was laughter and some kisses exchanged. This is brand new so I am being careful what I write here. Normally I’ll go all guns blazing, but what if this really turns into something. We seemed to hit it off. What if after this I’m not fickle anymore? Wait… I’m getting ahead of myself here.  So after two martinis at Davio’s and three glasses of wine at Sofitel, I was a little tipsy. So things are a little fuzzy. At one point I asked her if she still “Super Liked” me. She smiled and said yes! So after a couple of hours we wrapped it up and said our goodbyes.

But… not before she got me email and locked down another date for next week! Yes. Her idea! We are going out again next Wednesday. She wants to go to the movies. Perfect! I love film. The date will be at 7:30 and she says she’ll send me info on what movie we’re going to see. So I’ll be covering that here too!

This has been an unexpected twist in the writing of this blog. I was only going to publish once a week but now I feel like when these events occur in real-time I should post them immediately as sort of a bonus to my readers. I’ll cover the usual tales each week but when something breaks that’s hot. I’ll drop it right away!

The game is afoot!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 9am EST.

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Maria 2015-present – Amor en vano -Part II

Another tale of one man’s journey through the dating scene in Philadelphia. Searching for true love.

In our last episode, our hero was meeting with Maria at a coffee shop to find out why she had been let go from her job. But does he have ulterior motives?

Maria stated that It was one incident on a Saturday night where she did one shot with a table of people. But she said some of the other servers said she was drinking all night long, and that simply wasn’t true. But I was just happy that she was talking to me and meeting with me over coffee. I asked her what was she going to do now and she said she had already gotten another job at a nicer restaurant. I was surprised it happened so fast but in that industry there is always turnover, and they always need experienced help. Maria lamented that she’d have to learn a new menu but other than that it was a decent gig. I had been to the new place when it opened and I thought it was a great spot in a good area. The food was good, so she’d probably do alright there.

And that’s when I said the following. “Maria, I have something else I need to share with you.” She crossed her arms. I’m really good at reading people’s body language so I tried to put her at ease. I told her that I had real feelings for her. You have to be willing to take risks like this if you want the better rewards in life. But I will tell you, sometimes you roll the dice and your number doesn’t come up. Maybe on a later roll, but sometimes you leave the casino alone and broke.  She said she didn’t want to be misconstrued on how she was when she would serve us at the restaurant.

I understand if a server is sweet and a little flirty it helps garner bigger tips. It’s just human psychology. I told her she was just being friendly and that it was her personality that shone through. I told her all of those times we came into the restaurant all I wanted to see was her. The weekends I would spend at my office working on ad copy. I would text her and say “I’m burning so many calories banging my head against the wall trying to come up with an idea for this ad campaign it’s making me hungry. Should I come see you and have some delicious sliders?” That was the sort of thing I would do but it was all about wanting to see her.

She responded, “Do you think we’d be compatible?” And I said, “We went to the flower show, that was great and you don’t know if you’re compatible until you spend time with someone.” I simply told her how I felt about her. I think she was surprised, but at least I know it’s out there now and I’ve said it. I know she’s sporty and I’m more of the arts guy but who knows? Stranger things have happened. (Please continue reading this blog each week and you’ll know!) She was on her way to the new job when she met me, so I bid her farewell and told her I’d stay in touch. We hugged and she was gone. At least now she knew what I felt for her.

I told Maria that me and my colleague were going to boycott the old place for firing her by never going there again, but that clearly wasn’t happening. The food is delicious there and we still love the lunch hostess mary, and a couple of the other servers there!

So the summer was upon us and the last contact I had with her was at the end of June. We had spoken on the phone a couple of times but she seemed half in the bag when I called her.  I wasn’t in much better shape, so I don’t really know what we talked about but I suppose it was something. Whatever it was, it sort of sustained contact. But remember, this blog is called Phicklephilly, so I am easily distracted. Especially in the summertime.

So here it is the middle of August, and I decide to check in with her. I texted her, “Hey, I know it’s been forever, and I hope all is well with your new gig. Would you like to meet up for a drink one day next week?” Crickets. (When there is no response back from someone I will always use the word, crickets) So I wait until that night and text again, “Lunch?” Crickets. So the next day was Friday, and I was complaining to my friend at lunch how I hadn’t heard back from Maria, and figured that was it. She was gone. I told him how I had asked her out for a drink, and then lunch and all I heard was the deafening roar of a thousand crickets. He said, “Just write something funny.”

So I texted her the word “Popcorn?”

And after three days of silence she suddenly responded.

She wrote something lame that we’ve all done, “lol sorry thought it sent” “I have one more week til school but we will see how next week looks.” I responded, “Great! Popcorn worked!”

Back to crickets. That Monday I texted her to see what her schedule looked like. That was Monday of this week. This all just happened! She got back to me and said 1pm on Tuesday would work. I know she likes seafood, so I was excited that this would be our first formal, “I ask you to go out somewhere and you and I do that alone, and not at a flower show that I got free tickets to kinda thing” So I said. “Meet me at Devon at 1pm tomorrow.” She said, “yes.”

Now I know what you’re thinking, why did he go big on the first exclusive date? Because I wanted to show her that although Luke’s Lobster is great, and Seafood Unlimited is great as too, Devon is on the park in Rittenhouse. They’re not going to screw it up. It’ll be classy. Like me. and I want her to feel that she’s important to me. I’m not going to take her to Ruby Tuesday’s for lunch. I’m a Leo. I had to go big. In my mind, she’s worth it.

tuesday arrives. I get to Devon and she arrives shortly thereafter. I got a quiet table in the back, and the waiter was nice. Maria looked lovely. Nice dress, tanned skin from the summer sun, the same raven hair and dark eyes I love. She orders a glass of sparkling and I do the same.

We order the shrimp cocktail, and the plump little prawns arrived on a plate of ice. They were delicious with the sparkling wine. She ordered the moon fish, and I got the mixed seafood grille. The food was delicious and we even shared. During the meal she expressed that she was stressed about school, work and income. Pretty normal stuff. It was a pleasant meal with a pretty girl that I like, probably for the wrong reasons, but I had a good time. The meal was expensive. I paid the tab of course. It was more expensive than I suspected. But I did pick the place, and I did ask her out.

She had a dress with her that she needed to get hemmed for a wedding she’s in next month. I was going to take her to my tailor in Rittenhouse but because our lunch went from 1pm to after 2:30 I had to get back to work. So we hugged and off she went to get her dress fixed.

That night I sent her a friend request on Facebook, and messaged her to see how the hemming went. She accepted my request and got right back to me and said she had forgotten her shoes that she was going to wear to the wedding so she had to go back the next day. They can’t hem your dress with out the right shoes! The next day which would have been Wednesday of this week, I texted her and said, “Dress hemmed?”

Crickets.

So I discussed all of this with a few of my friends, and decided that Maria really isn’t into me. You can’t force something that simply isn’t there.

She liked the free tanning session. The free tickets to the Philadelphia Flower Show, the free glasses of wine while she was there.  The free lunch and drinks at Devon Seafood the other day. What’s not to like? Everybody loves free stuff, and she knows I’m a gentleman, so she’s safe.

We discussed doing seafood again and I’d probably take her to Zama. But at the end of the day, what I would like is to hold her hand, and walk through the park. Kiss her. That would be wonderful. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. So I think I’m going to let this go.

Today, Friday, 8/26/16 I was at work and after telling a friend that I am probably done with Maria because it’s a waste of everyone’s time, and will never turn into a romantic affair.

That’s when my phone beeped.

It was a text from Maria, responding to my text from yesterday about the dress being hemmed.

Maria: “I told them to take their time!”

I should go to my tailor and secretly pay for it. What a surprise that would be for her. But I’m not going to do that. And we’ll all be better off for it. It was kind of her to spend time with me, but she just doesn’t have any feelings for me. So sadly, this really has be Amor en Vano.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday at 9am EST.

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Maria 2015 to Present – Amor en vano – Part I

Another tale of one man’s journey, as he navigates through the dating scene in Philadelphia, searching for true love.

I work in advertising. A colleague and I normally go out to lunch at some of the local eateries here in center city. We have a list of spots we like and there is one in particular that we really like. There is this one server that I started to like. We both thought she was great. After awhile we would ask to be seated in her section every time we went there.

Maria was always on point with the service and friendly. She’s a beautiful hispanic girl. Dark brown hair that tumbled to her shoulders like ribbons of bittersweet chocolate. She has light caramel skin and is very fit. She runs most days so she’s in great shape.

When her section would slow down, she would always spend a little extra time with us to chat. We loved the attention from such a sweet girl.

I have many contacts and clients throughout the city. One of which is a tanning salon. Maria said she’d like to check it out and I got her a free pass to go tanning. She gave me her contact info so that I could set it up.

I sometimes get tickets to events through my job. Maria had expressed an interest in going to the Philadelphia Flower Show. So when my co-worker got tickets because they were advertising with us he gave me a pair. I called Maria and asked her if she’d like to go. She accepted!

We met at the convention center and she was on time, which I like. We went in and checked her backpack. We grabbed a couple of glasses of wine and walked around the event. It was really nice to spend time with this girl that I only ever spoke to at her job. Here she was with me and we were getting to know each other. I was happy. During the event I remember she mentioned to me that she had lost her “M” necklace. Not at the event, but somewhere else. I thought about how great it would be to replace that for her. But I was getting ahead of myself.

We looked at some beautiful small orchids that she showed a fondness for. I made mental notes for future romantic gift ideas in case that wonderful idea ever occurred. I also signed up for some sort of green energy thing and they gave me a single little rose in a vial and I gave it to her. (First flower!)

A few weeks went by and I would see her at the restaurant when we would go there. I asked her to another event that I got tickets to through work. Due to scheduling conflicts she was unable to attend.

Some more time went by, and one day we went to the restaurant and one of the other servers told us Maria had been fired. We were shocked because we thought she had been one of their best and long term employees. We asked why and she said, “For drinking on the job.”

Now I know a lot of bartenders and restaurant employees in this city and the policy in regard to drinking on the job vary. I spoke with one bartender who works at bar up by Temple University and she said, where she works she can do the occasional shot with the clients if they insist. She said she comes out from behind the bar and does it with them. If by chance the booze is clear in color and she is pouring the shots she will make sure hers is water if possible.  I spoke with another bartender who works at a nice hotel bar here in center city the same question. He said, “Look, if it’s you guys, (I have known him for several years and the guy I was with is a local liquor rep) I can do the occasional shot to taste something new with you.” But other than that it’s prohibited.

So I decided to get to the bottom of this new development in Maria’s life. I texted her and asked “Are you no longer at the restaurant any more?”  She got back to me rather quickly saying “Yea about that. It’s a joke. I’ll have to tell you the full story then.”

I was interested to find out, but more so to see her outside of the restaurant, one on one! But I also decided to do something else during our meeting. Because fortune favors the bold.

We agreed to meetup the next day at a Starbucks. I got there first and she arrived shortly after. I don’t really drink coffee. I like the smell and taste of it and have drank it in the past, but I just don’t NEED it like most people. If someone said to me,”you can never have coffee again.” I’d be like, “no big deal.” But if the said, “no more wine again ever.” Dude…. we’ve got a problem.

Anyway, she arrives and she has this cute tan summer dress on and she looks incredibly hot. So we get our coffees and sit down. She begins to tell me her side of the story. And like any story, there’s her side, the restaurant’s side, and the truth. She said that everybody does it. And they decided to make an example out of her to drive home the message that drinking with the patrons was strictly forbidden. If they would fire a long-term senior employee for the infraction, then anyone could be let go at anytime. Pretty effective message.

Tune in on Wednesday for Part II of this story. What is our hero planning on doing at the coffee shop?

 

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Alis – 2006 to 2007 – NYC Goodbye

I’m going to keep this brief. This is not the story of Alis and me. I’ll write about that relationship some other time. Maybe if I ever write a book entitled PhickleNYC.

It was 2006. I was working as a consultant for a company that did research for banks and credit unions. I was one of the guys that flew around the country cleaning up these financial centers and returning them to profitability.

When we had a project going I could be working on it for eight or nine weeks at a time. So I traveled most of the time. The money was great when you were working. But there wasn’t always a project. When that happened they would tell you, “You’re on the beach.” Which meant, go home and apply for unemployment until we call you again.

Our main office was at 32nd and 5th Avenue in New York City. I had met Alis on an old dating site called Hurrydate. Alis and I exchanged numbers and were soon chatting on the phone. She lived up on 110th Street and worked as a lawyer on Wall Street. She was a thirty five year old Haitian beauty.

I started going up to New York more and more, and after awhile I’d be staying over her place up there. Sometimes, I’d just live there during the week and go home on the weekends to see my daughter.

Alis’ biological clock was ticking big time. Her younger sister was already married and pregnant with her second child, so the pressure was on in Alis’s mind. She wanted to find a husband and have a child. She was on several dating sites. Maybe all of them at the time.

Alis really took a liking to me and we had a lot of fun together. It was nice to be with such an intelligent woman that had not been marred by the media. She never watched television as a kid. So her head isn’t filled with a lot of worthless pop culture references like mine.

But after awhile the fun wears off and the reality sets in. She really started working on me to get married and give her a child. It was too soon to be discussing that sort of thing. But she also really liked being with me. If I had married her and had a kid or two I would have been set for life. Nice apartment in Manhattan, a wife that makes tons of loot and I could maybe even stay home with the kids and be a house dad.

But I wouldn’t be happy. I’ve never “settled” on anybody. I know many people who settle. Settling on someone says to me you’ve given up and are simply tired of failing and then having to search for love again. I get it. That’s you. Never me. Do you thing Thomas Edison gave up after failing 500 times trying to invent the incandescent lightbulb? Of course he didn’t. He just looked upon it as a 500 step process.

As much as I loved Alis, I had to tell her I didn’t want to have any more children. I had my one daughter and that would be it. She got on craigslist and found me an apartment in Jersey City and that was it.

I’ll never forget the last time I saw her. I was standing in her doorway.

“Sorry you couldn’t be the one. I thought you were the one.”

She shut the door and I walked outside to my car. I never saw Alis again.

Sometime after that I moved back to Philadelphia. Where this story really begins.

 

 

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