Phicklephilly Special Edition: Super Bowl 2018 – Who should you root for? Five Reasons to Make it the Philadelphia Eagles.

Fans of 30 NFL teams are probably wondering who they should be rooting for in Super Bowl LII on Sunday. And that goes double for people who aren’t fans of any particular team.

As much as a Philadelphia Eagles vs. New England Patriots championship appears to present two sides, we all know, deep down, there’s only one way to go.

OK, so maybe not everyone feels that way. But after this, there should be no ifs, ands or buts about your allegiance to the Birds on the biggest Sunday of the year. Ready or not, here are five reasons you should be pulling for the Eagles in Minneapolis:

Note: Don’t miss our five reasons to root for the Patriots.

Get SportsLine’s Super Bowl picks from a Patriots expert who’s 9-2 in his last 11 picks for or against the team, and from an Eagles expert who’s 9-3 in Eagles games and nailed the NFC Championship.

1. Because who isn’t sick of the Patriots dynasty?

Nothing against Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the sustained success that New England has found. Question them and their ethics all you want, but videotaped hand signals and deflated footballs are not the only reasons that Belichick is the NFL‘s toughest matchup on the sidelines, Brady at age 40 is an MVP candidate and the Patriots are now vying for a sixth Super Bowl title. This team is good, whether you like it or not, and it has been for a lot longer than any other franchise of this era.

NFL: Super Bowl LI-New England Patriots vs Atlanta Falcons
You really want to see this again? USATSI

That’s all the more reason, however, to hope for change. We can all appreciate a little nostalgia in fresh developments. Take “Star Wars,” for example, an appropriate analogy here with the overused “Evil Empire” Patriots comparison. “The Force Awakens” was darn near a carbon copy of the 1977 original, albeit in updated form. But we got that with New England in 2016. Brady, Belichick and the Pats, forces of old, came storming back to give us the same story against the Atlanta Falcons, albeit in updated form. Now it’s time for “The Last Jedi” — something strikingly unfamiliar, a bridge into a brand new story and, thus, the end of the Pats dynasty.

If you’re rooting for the Brady Bunch just so Tom can stick it to the fans who are disillusioned enough to think cheating is the only reason he’s one of the greatest to ever play the game, good for you, perhaps. But let’s be real. If 2016’s title — or trips to three of the last four Super Bowls, for that matter — didn’t win everyone over, why will a sixth Lombardi Trophy? We’re past due for a changing of the guard, and what better team to close the book on this overlong New England run than the team that just barely lost to the Pats in the big game more than a decade ago?

2. The Eagles have never won a Super Bowl

As we make a gigantic leap from discussing the Patriots’ hunt for a sixth Super Bowl win, there’s something extra special about a championship game featuring a team that’s never won it all, and we’ve seen it unfold more than a few times in recent history, from the Chicago Cubs’ curse-shattering World Series win in 2016 to the Seattle Seahawks‘ historic blowout of the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XLVIII. It doesn’t always work out in favor of the club vying for its first ‘ship (see: 2015 Carolina Panthers), but when it does, bringing home a Lombardi Trophy for the first time in franchise history is like putting the cherry on top of the NFL’s biggest sundae — er, Sunday.

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Even 2004, when the Eagles last made the Super Bowl, seems like ages ago. Getty Images

Philadelphia isn’t completely devoid of championships. Although there are inevitably some same-state Pittsburgh Steelers fans who are bent on convincing you that any NFL games before 1967 didn’t count, the Eagles were the NFL’s top dogs in 1947, ’48 and again in ’60. And yet, for them and their hungry followers, the last five decades have done little more than tease a city starved for a trophy. Even the last great Eagles run, which saw Andy Reid coach the team to historic success and, of course, the club’s last Super Bowl appearance against you-know-who in 2004, included a whopping four NFC Championship Game losses, three of which came back-to-back-to-back.

If you can spare a shred of mercy, you’ll root for the Eagles to accomplish what’s always seemed impossible, putting at ease fans of all ages who tasted — but never truly consumed — a championship course over the last 50-plus years.

3. Philadelphia is the ultimate underdog story

Forget the longtime championship drought and, thus, years of league-wide ridicule. Forget the city’s affair with Hollywood’s affable boxing star, the one and only Rocky Balboa. This year’s Eagles team alone makes for its own underdog story, and that’s probably an understatement.

Here’s a group that finally found its next franchise quarterback only to see him go down with a season-ending injury — along with a Hall of Fame left tackle, a starting linebacker and a slew of other starters or captains — right as the playoffs drew close, then spat in the face of an “underdog” label in their own house, both knocking off the defending NFC champions and handing the universally lauded Minnesota Vikings this year’s most embarrassing loss en route to a Super Bowl with Nick Foles at quarterback.

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Nick Foles could be a Super Bowl winner, and that should tell you everything about this Eagles team’s fight. USATSI

Now, Vegas is playing right into the Eagles’ hands by making the Patriots rather comfortable favorites in Super Bowl LII. No one can blame the oddsmakers for hyping New England, but if you’re not in awe of how much adversity Philadelphia overcame to get to this point, you’re missing one of the most triumphant stories of the season. This isn’t just about players wearing German shepherd masks to poke fun at the odds. It’s about a team with a second-year coach exceeding everyone’s expectations, refusing to be slowed by otherwise detrimental injuries and, week after week, finding different ways to win. Without Carson Wentz and without the respect they’ve earned, especially in recent weeks, the Eagles are shaping up to be the underdog Philly’s always wanted — and, maybe, the one the rest of the NFL needs.

4. The Eagles are incredibly likable

Say what you will about their fans. Some of their NFC championship behavior was inexcusable, but it has also brought about a positive response, and the positive response is much more aligned with how this team has carried itself in 2017. If you want to get cute and ride with the “Evil Empire” description for New England, then the Eagles are absolutely, positively your “Republic” or “Resistance” or whatever “Star Wars” term for “good guys” you prefer.

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Carson Wentz’s spirit has been echoed by the rest of the Eagles’ locker room this season. USATSI

With Wentz at the helm, the Eagles made it clear from the get-go that they weren’t much of a selfish group, standing together not only as a socially conscious unit but as a spiritually connected team. Heavy on their faith in the face of adversity, they have mirrored their coach’s fluctuation between unusual calmness and perfectly timed aggressiveness, all while continuously talking up the selflessness that characterizes the locker room. Pick any one player from the starting lineup or the depth chart, and you won’t find an ego that’s overshadowed what Philly has done over the course of 2017.

Malcolm Jenkins worked tirelessly as a Pro Bowl player but also as a champion of social activism, meeting with local law enforcement, campaigning for legislation and eliciting $89 million in charity donations from the NFL. Chris Long donated his entire year’s base salary to fund students’ education. Wentz spent considerable time connecting with less privileged fans and providing for families in need before coaching up and cheering on the man who’s taken his chance of winning this city a Super Bowl.

The easiest thing to note about these Eagles is that they are more unified, more team-oriented and even more compassionate than most.

5. An Eagles win would restore hope for all, especially defenses

If the Patriots win (again), what do we learn? (Cue the scream from the back: “That cheating is OK!”)

Actually, a sixth New England title probably just reminds us that it’s never a bad thing to have a freakish 40-year-old quarterback or a grizzled head coach like Belichick. Conversely, an Eagles victory would be a victory for all, not merely because of the implications of a rare Patriots defeat but because Philadelphia is exactly the kind of team that every team can strive to be. Wentz obviously played a big role in the team’s run to the playoffs, so a franchise quarterback can’t be understated, but still, if the guys in green proved anything by clinching a spot in Super Bowl LII, it’s that everyday teams can still win championships — and so can defenses.

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Defense can still win championships, and the Eagles can prove that against the Patriots. USATSI

If Nick Foles, a guy whose lone Pro Bowl season was flushed down the toilet by lackluster years outside of Philly, can come back and win it all, anyone can have hope. If the Eagles can lose Wentz, left tackle Jason Peters, running back Darren Sproles, linebacker Jordan Hicks and kicker Caleb Sturgis and still beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl after weeks of being the underdogs, anyone can have hope. And if their ferocious defensive unit, which carried them through some latter stages of the season and stood pat not only against the Falcons but also the Vikings in the postseason, can withstand Brady and bring the Eagles a title, we can all have hope that, in the end, this game is, has been and always will be about the team — not just the quarterback or the coach, but the team.

 

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Tales of Rock – The Beatles Almost Reunited On SNL

For decades after they had hung up their guitars and lopped off those moptops, fans would continue to beg The Beatles to reunite. The Brits would come close on multiple occasions, but the reunion would always fall through for one reason or another (I’m looking at you, Paul). But on a fateful Saturday night in 1976, John Lennon and Paul McCartney let an opportunity pass them by that would have shredded the minds of music fans everywhere, for no other reason than they decided to call it an early night.

Lennon and McCartney were hanging out in New York City when, serendipitously, they turned on the TV to see Lorne Michaels addressing them directly during an episode of Saturday Night Live. Michaels offered the Beatles $3,000 if they would come down to the studio and perform together one last time. Lennon was immediately taken with the idea and began to pressure McCartney into the reunion, trying to persuade him with the possibility of earning $1,500 — which was about as much money as McCartney was earning in royalties per minute just by sitting there on Lennon’s couch. According to both band members, they were less than two miles away from the studio and could have easily walked down to the biggest reunion in music history.

But it was pretty late, and they were both kind of tired, so they eventually decided against it for no other reason than they ultimately just felt like staying in (and hey, we’ve all been there). They wound up just hanging out at John’s house, and the world missed out on the most iconic musical moment/mediocre comedy improv scene ever.

 

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Amanda – The Fur Coat Incident

“Oh, the majesty of the chance encounter where you can embody a porn star, go by a different name, work in a field different from your own, lie about every aspect of your life and feel damn good about yourself.”

This ones from a few years ago. I was hanging out at the The Ranstead Room. It’s a cool, dark speakeasy bar in center city. I think her name was Amanda but I could be totally wrong about that. I can’t remember when we met or how we started making out but like magic, we were. She was slender and had nice curly dark hair and she was unapologetically wearing a fur coat.

We made it back to my apartment and we proceeded to do all the filthy things that you would want to live out in a one night stand. Oh, the majesty of the chance encounter where you can embody a porn star, go by a different name, work in a field different from your own, lie about every aspect of your life and feel damn good about yourself.

You are willing to go beyond your typical repertoire because there is simply no judgment. I tossed her around into all the different positions that I could imagine and we just genuinely enjoyed our awesome fuck session.

When it was over, I made the mistake of trying to go again but a lot of whisky had been drank that night and I was trying to write checks my body couldn’t cash. Needless to say, the spark was gone. About halfway through my attempt at a round two, she suggested that we take a break and go outside and have a cigarette.

My god I was thankful. I quickly threw on a pair of pants and a jacket and by the time I got to the door, she was just wearing her fur coat. She didn’t have her skirt or underwear, just her fur coat and everything else was naked, it was kind of sexy. Anyway, we get out to my balcony and she starts telling me that she forgot her cigarettes. I offer her one of mine and she was like “No way, those aren’t menthol” and I was like “Cool, I’ll go find yours”. I go back into the house for a few minutes looking for her pack but can’t find them or her purse.

I then go back out to ask her where she could have left them when I see it. She climbed down my fire escape to the ground level and was running across the street completely naked (except for her coat), without shoes or anything in the middle of winter. She hails a taxi and gets the fuck out of there. I never saw her again after that. She left her clothes and shoes in my apartment. She had her purse the whole time. As I was watching her naked ass run down the sidewalk I remember wondering if it was because I was that bad of a lay.

But then it dawned on me….I didn’t give a shit.

 

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Church – Money Monday

Flushed with the excitement of all of the antique trains that my sister Janice and I sold in York, I knew I should get the cash portion of my sales into the bank. (See: Train Show in York, PA)

I walked up to Cavanagh’s Rittenhouse to take advantage of their Monday lunch special: 1/2 off all cheesesteaks. I was a little banged up from the night before from celebrating our winnings. Ann Marie my favorite bartender came over to chat. (See: Ann Marie – 2015 to Present – Rose Among The Thorns)

I order a beer, and the usual. Ann Marie is her usual charming self. But she has to get back to the bar. I open my laptop and write a bit until my lunch arrives. It’s perfect as always. I’m feeling happy about how well we did at the show in York, and just glowing at how much fun I had hanging with my sister.

Church shows up, and while we’re sitting there he tells me he’s waiting on a phone call about a new job. Within a few minutes his phone rings and he has to step out.

I order another beer. Probably not the best idea because it’s early. I never really ever have a drink until 5pm. But today I’m celebrating a win, so fuck it.

Church returns and tells me the company he was interviewing with just called him and offered him the job. I congratulate him on his success, and I pay the bill and head out. Church drives me to my bank and I deposit my loot.

I’m relieved that I’m no longer carrying around all that cash in my pocket! We park the car and run into the bartender and server from Sofitel, Liam and Laura. We’re chatting with them and they’re both off  from work, so they’ve been hanging out and drinking. We agree to all meet up later for a drink somewhere.

Church suggests we go to Gran Caffee L’Aquilla. I took my friend Emily there and she loved it! (See: Emily – 2016 to Present – Super Baby Sister) Church knows the bartender there and we’ll probably get the hookup. (Free and discounted drinks) But what Church doesn’t know is one of the owners comes to the salon to tan. He left something valuable in one of rooms and thought it was gone. I found it behind a chest of drawers and recently returned it to him. Although he speaks little English, I could see the look of delight on his face when I handed it to him.

We go to the bar and we’re chatting with Church’s buddy and I see The owner guy.  He comes over and smiles and shakes my hand. He starts talking to the bartender in Italian, and I can sort of pick up that he’s telling him the story of my search and rescue of his belonging.

He walks away and I ask the bartender what that was all about. He says that I’m getting a special hookup.

“A hookup just this time?”

“I think you will be getting special treatment for a while here.”

Sweet! So I order up some chardonnay and sip away chatting with he and Church. I’m getting pretty buzzed. The conversation is flowing and so is the wine. I tell Church I’m supposed to meet up with my friend Carly at 5:30. (See: Carly – 2012 to Present – The Mad Baker)

I’m getting texts from Liam and Laura (Bartender and Server at Liberte’ Bar at Hotel Sofitel) that they want to grab a drink with us. I’ve had one too many already, so I suggest the Gold Club. The seedy strip club downtown. (See: Johnny R. – 2010 – Present – Needle in the Groove) I’m not really into strip joints as you know, but I figured it would pull a good story for the blog with some decent crossover characters.

We get there and grab a table in the back. Liam rolls in and tells us Laura forgot her ID and they won’t let her in. Who the fuck leaves the house without their ID, especially if they’re going out drinking? But Laura has many issues, this being the least of them.

So Liam and Church are chatting about who knows what, not even taking part in the revelry happening onstage. They are literally facing each other as if they are not even in a strip joint. So I’m enjoying the show and my buzz. Fuck them.

There is some chick swinging on the pole and she’s looking pretty fit. “Living After Midnight” by Judas Priest comes on and I’m digging her more. I also notice she has a lovely pair of distended nipples on her small breasts. She’s good. The next song to come on is “Starbreaker” also by Judas Priest from the Sin After Sin album. Now I’m loving this woman. Those are her song choices. This lady speaks my language and likes metal.

When she’s finished her dance she glides over to me and sits next to me. She seems really sweet. Fair skinned, lean, with auburn hair. I decide to get something I haven’t gotten in years. A lap dance!

Church and Liam are still being a pair of buzz killigtons in the corner. Why the fuck did I bring them here?

Anyway, me and “Tigre” head into the champagne room. (There’s no champagne room at this dive. Just little private booths.) I sit in the chair and she pulls the curtain as she straddles my lap. I’m actually loving this. I never do this anymore!

She takes off her top and starts grinding on me. Normally in gentleman’s clubs you can’t touch the girls, but in this shithole, you can pretty much do what you want. Why do you think my buddy Johnny R. loves this place so much? Free blow jobs.

But alas, dear readers I am a gentleman and I genuinely feel for these drug addled single mothers. Tigre is swiveling on my crotch, I’m running my hands up and down her sleek thighs. She presses forward and her nipple touches my lips. I defy any man to resist a nipple placed near their mouth. (Google: ‘Rooting Reflex’)

It’s funny when I’m with Johnny R. I resist the vice probably because he’s doing enough of it for the both of us. But for some reason tonight, I want to partake. While my other two friends are sitting out in the main room playing circle jerk.

Tigre is offering me her soft pretzel bites and I’m enjoying them so much! There is nothing else going on between us sexually other than that nibbling.

But anything that’s super fun is always over too quickly so our little session wraps up and I we go out to the main room again and sit. Tigre’s very nice and seems pretty normal. She says she works Monday through Friday, noon to six.  She volunteers her number and puts it in my phone. I see what’s she’s doing. Building a return client base. If it’s ever a slow day, she can summon up a few of us to come in and see her and she’ll increase her daily revenue. Shrewd chick after all.

I’m done, and have to go meet Carly for happy hour. Church goes off with Liam. I think this is only happening because they’re supposed to be going to Laura’s apartment. Which all revolves around the story Liam told to us when we all went to Angel’s Envy event. (See: Church – Angel’s Envy) Apparently when Laura gets drunk she breaks out her huge melons. (I’m positive that’s the ONLY reason Church is going with Liam to her apartment.)

On a wing and a prayer, Church thinks he’s going to see those glorious puppies.

I do my usual happy hour thing with Carly at Square 1682. We catch up and I’m a little fuzzy on the details because I’d been sipping since 1pm.

Apparently Church’s phone’s dead. Seems like it’s always on the verge. I even recently bought him a cool battery thing that my friend Cheyanne turned me on to. (See: Cheyanne – 2016 to Present – Elegant Power) I can’t get a hold of him and I’m drunk and annoyed at this point. I finally reach him through Liam.

I meet him at his car on Chestnut and now it seems I’m drunk enough to believe that if I go to Laura’s apartment I’ll get to see her major league sized yabahos.

Laura lives in a nice little apartment at 12th and Walnut. She and Liam are sitting there watching Jeopardy. Church lies on Laura’s bed. (Which I don’t get, but I think it was a studio so there may not have been anywhere else to recline.)

Laura is crushing cocktails and pouring me as many as I want, and I’m crushing Jeopardy. Drunk or not, Phicklephilly knows his trivia.

Things get fuzzy afer that. I know nothing happened between anyone at the apartment. I just remember Church driving me home. As I climbed the steps inside my four story walk up, I suddenly really have to go to the bathroom. I’m banged up and struggling with the lock on the door to my apartment.

I’m really having a tough time and the brown beast is growling with fury in my bowels. The lock has been sticking lately in the humid weather. I crank the key and the lock suddenly pops. And so does my ass.

Yep. I shit my pants.

Money Monday, my ass!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly I publish everyday at  8am EST.

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Tinder Moments

Hello all. I’ve been at this dating thing for awhile as you all know. I’ve encountered my share of ups and downs. There have been the fun ones, the boring ones and the crazies. While on this journey, I’ve met a lot of interesting people. But I’ve looked at thousands of profiles on these online dating sites. Every once in awhile I get a ringer that really tickles my Phickle.

Here are some of the craziest dating profiles I have encountered since I’ve been at this. I thought I should share a few of them for your enjoyment just so you know what’s out there.

Enjoy!

 

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Crazy right? Keep your heart open and have a great week!

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

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Phicklephilly – 1962 to Present – Try Me

All you have in this world is your personality. That’s the very thing that carries you forth in this world. If you don’t have a good personality and good people skills, you better work hard and be on point. Because that’s all you have. But if you don’t develop a good personality, people won’t like you and you’ll fail. They won’t let you succeed but there will be those in power that have shitty personalities that will see your beautiful one and they will try to stomp you down, because you possess a power they do not. This will  happen more than less. But if you surround yourself with bad people, they will bask in your sunlight and drain the very light from you. They will be false people. The further you have to reach for them the easier it will be for them to pull you down.

Surround yourself with strong and good people. Hard working, honest people. They will give you power and embrace you and see your gifts. They’re difficult to find. But keep looking and follow your mind and your heart because sometimes your heart can deceive you. The heart becomes clouded with sex and beauty and promises of wonderful things.

Stay the course and try not to become jaded. Continue to develop your personality and keep your heart open and pure. Always be working to evolve, but always be open to love.

But there are those that don’t have your power that will come to you for help. Choose them wisely. Help them, but don’t give them solutions you already know will help them. Just be present. If they’re good and kind, give them your time and your words and experience. Don’t push them. Only they can find their own way on the right path. They may choose the wrong one, but just be there for then to listen and care for them if they are truly good. If they are bad, discard them because you cannot help them.

Work hard to know the difference. I know you’ll be frustrated with them in their life but think of your own. Wouldn’t someone you care for be frustrated with the choices that you’ve made?

Of course they would.

Be there for the sweet fragile souls that need you and are good people in their hearts. The good ones that are damaged by themselves, or weakness, or have been crushed by rotten people or circumstances.

Be that person. Be patient. My mother was a patient woman. She put up with a lot of bullshit and came from nothing. Stand for something. Don’t fall for everything.

Help others, but beware of the fleas and ticks, because they are many, and would love to find purchase on the glorious, luxurious coat that is your good nature and wisdom.

Go forth and love again!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am EST.

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Cherie – Chapter 5 – Be Careful What You Wish For – Part I

Don’t be a guy.

Be a man.

Saturday arrived. I woke up relatively early. Philly had periods of showers but the rain was supposed to stop around 1pm, so that was good. I didn’t want another rainy day date with Cherie. But actually I was looking forward to seeing her so the weather didn’t really matter.

I stopped by the salon to drop off some detergent and bring my friend Trish some fives for the register. She was hung over from a night of Jameson at Tattooed Mom’s with her friends on South Street. She stopped drinking alcohol about a year ago, because she said she didn’t like how she behaved on it. Said it made her angry. Trish is angry anyway and I can only imagine what a nightmare she is on booze. That’s probably part of the reason she can’t function without smoking marijuana everyday and drinking oceans of coffee just to get through the day. I’ll be writing a chapter about her in the near future but for now I’ll stick to the events of today.

I give Trish the fives and she hands me a twenty out of the register. I’m walking across the lobby to take a seat and chat with her for a bit when she says. You have a hole in the back of your pants. I’m like, “Stop checking out my sweet ass.”

“Seriously dude. You have a huge hole in your pants. Don’t you feel that?”

I reach back and sure enough, there is a pretty good-sized hole there.

“I didn’t want you going out on your date today with a big old hole in your pants, dude.”

I joke that maybe I could guide Cherie’s hand to it in the movie theater for some cheap thrills.

“It’s the 3rd date!”

“I hate that shit!”

I tell her I agree. I don’t know if you all know this but a lot of young people are under the impression that the 3rd date equals sex. Which I find stupid. In all seriousness I would rather get to know someone and if there is a mutual attraction, the sex should just happen as a celebration at some point. There should never be a deadline related to intercourse. That almost sounds predatory.

So I head back to my apartment to put on another pair of jeans. I grab a pair and realize I haven’t worn them in a while. Like two years. They are a 36 waist. I now wear a 32 waist, but can do a 34 with a belt. They’re just too big and I look ridiculous. I grab another pair. Another hole in the seat. What’s going on here? Did I wear out the seat of two pair of jeans? I know I see the occasional mouse here in the building but what sort of butt munching rodents do we have around here?

I find a pair that are in decent shape with no holes in the seat, and put them on. This will have to do. I go downstairs and summon an UBER. While driving down to Columbus Boulevard to the multiplex, I chat with my driver, Hanna. She asks me what movie I’m going to see. I tell her the lady I’m taking likes scary movies, so we’re seeing, ‘Ouija: Origin of Evil.’ Some how she gathers from our conversation that my date is younger than me. She asks, and I tell her she’s a little younger. She tells me about a male friend of hers, who is 50 something and was dating a woman in her 40’s and just wasn’t happy. He said that women his age were all carrying all the same baggage. He’s now dating a woman around 30 and says that younger women are just more fun. I say that I agree, but when you date younger women they all eventually want to get married and have kids.  She says that her friend is always up front about that sort of thing. Maybe I should have been clear about that in my last 3 failed relationships. And here I am being driven to what could possibly be a 4th similar destination.

She lets me out and I go into the lobby and get in line for tickets. The movie starts at 1:50 and it is now 1:30. I get the tickets and as I turn to wait for Cherie, she appears. On time. Early. I like that. It’s really nice to see her. Even though it’s only been four days since our last encounter.

Her hair is up in a bun, exposing her lovely slender neck. makes me think about how I kissed that neck on Tuesday. She’s wearing a yellow blouse, and light brown slacks. They cling to her shapely legs.

We are about to enter our auditorium and we notice the floor is really sticky. Someone must have spilled a soda there, and they tried to mop it up but didn’t get it all up. Now I’ve been to plenty of movie theaters in my time, and have jokes about the sticky stuff and detritus that is on the floor of the theaters, but this was really sticky. I had to laugh out loud. I practically had to curl my toes to keep my shoes from being pulled off by that sticky floor. Just a classic ‘out at the movies’ moment.

We go in and decide that we both like to sit in the back of the theater. I ask her if she wants anything to eat. I suggest some delicious buttery popcorn. She says it’s ok but doesn’t like how it can stick in your teeth. She says she likes chocolate, but not dark chocolate. I tell her I love dark chocolate. She smiles and knows what I mean. I really do prefer dark chocolate to milk chocolate, but I also love the color of her skin. I go and mortgage my house at the concession stand on exorbitantly expensive snacks. Medium popcorn, medium cherry coke, bottle of water, and a bag of snickers minis for baby. $21. The food was as much as the tickets. The kid behind the counter even told me I could upgrade to a large popcorn and a large soda for $.50 more. I compliment him on his up-sell, but politely decline.

I get back to Cherie. I get all of our snacks and drinks squared away and sit down. “How did you know I loved Snickers?” she asks. “Well I’m funny and you like to laugh, so I figured, Snickers. she smiles and we settle into the previews. There aren’t many people in the theater. I like that. There’s also no late arrivals and no one is sitting in front of us. I love that as well. People are getting seated and chattering a little but that’s acceptable during the previews. We’re whispering closely. Then we kiss. It’s really nice. I feel like a teenager. I haven’t smooched in a movie theater in years. It was so sweet to hold hands too. She rubbed my arm and caressed my hand, and I was even so bold as to rub her leg and knee. It was all very gentle and romantic. What a refreshing difference from the crap women I went on dates with a few months ago. But I’m really enjoying this elegant romantic odyssey.

There is one rub that I have to mention. It’s happened a few times since then. We call it the C-Block, or the CBs. Cherie and I are in the very back row of the theater. All the way in the aisle to the right against the wall. There is only one way out. Doesn’t some pair of fucknuts sit at the very end of the aisle? This couple just sort of drops it there. One row down would have been fine. But they are right now, in OUR aisle. They could have sat anywhere. There weren’t that many people in the theater. It’s just a human thing. Homo Sapiens are such social animals they have to be together all the time. I can tell Cherie doesn’t want them there and neither do I. But there’s nothing we can do. Nothing but make a bunch of trips to the snack bar and the bathrooms. This way we can thrust our delicious firm buttocks right in their stupid faces.

Oh, never mind. It’s just annoying, we just wanted some private time to neck in the back of the theater!

The movie was a pretty by the numbers horror flick. I’d give it a solid three and a half stars. Demon possession, scary children, and good sudden frights do make you jump. We shared the popcorn and the candy. It was lovely. I was happy to be there sharing this Halloween treat with her.

After the film, we went outside. The sun was out and the rain was gone. It had been warm during the week, but had suddenly turned chilly in the last couple of days. Cherie always has trouble finding a place to park in the city, but down by the movie theater there is always loads of parking spots. We walk over to her Saab, and hop in to get out of the chill. We’re chatting about our next move, (which I have already planned) and more kissing ensues. She tells me she was hoping I would agree to sit in the back of the theater so we could neck. It appears this girl really likes me. She says she likes how soft my hands are. It makes me think of Captain Quint when he grabs Matt Hooper’s hands in the film Jaws, and says “You’ve got city hands, Mr. Hooper, from counting money all your life!” That, and the scene in Steinbeck’s “Of Mice and Men” when one of the men on the farm puts petroleum jelly in his one glove to keep is hand soft for when he touches his woman. I don’t know why my mind flashed to those two images but for a moment they do.

I suggest we go over to Dave and Buster’s to go play games together. She likes the idea. I will say this about my lovely neuroscience major. She is very bright and quick of wit, but extremely laid back and easy-going. She’s from California, and this chick is chill. I always compliment her about her sweet disposition, because I really like that about her. Peaceful is good. She tells me, that between her two jobs, going to class, and taking care of her son, she has to make many decisions every day. She says she likes how I take charge, and just tell her where we’re going and what time it’s happening. I always have a plan and take the lead. She finds that attractive. So take note male readers, many women like to be told what you’re doing with them and where you’re taking them. Women are great negotiators and communicators, but when it comes to picking a lunch spot, just tell them pizza or sushi or just take them somewhere they serve different stuff and go. I have to give thanks here to my late father in regard to the clock. If he told you something was going to happen, or we were going to be somewhere at a specific time, it happened without error. He taught me that your word is your bond, and always be punctual. Like Beau Bridges says to Michelle Pfieffer in The Fabulous Baker Boys, “Punctuality is the first rule of show business.” Life itself is like a giant long series. You’re the star of your own show. Make it a fun, exciting show if you can. To sum up: Girls like a take-charge man.

Don’t be a guy.

Be a man.

 

 

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