15 Physiological Signs Someone Likes You: How Many Do You Notice?

You like someone, but you’re not sure if they feel the same. Don’t listen to words, look for these physiological signs someone likes you instead.

That confusing time when you realize that you actually really like that guy or girl is both exciting and downright terrifying, all rolled into one. You wonder if they like you back because they’re not asking you out directly. And you’re not completely familiar with the physiological signs someone likes you to decode their real intentions. Of course, you want to try and make a move, because let’s face it, you want to move things along! The problem is, what if they don’t feel the same and you’re left red faced and embarrassed?

Oh, the joys of dating!

It’s very easy to listen to words and not really focus on the things people are doing. The problem with that is, people lie. Sorry, it’s true. People also say things to make others feel better. You would be far better not listening to word and instead looking more towards the things they can’t help – their physiological signs.

How to decode the subtle physiological signs someone likes you

If you want to really know if he or she is digging you as much as you’re digging them, it’s time to get medical.

Physiological signs are things you just can’t help, the things you do instinctively without trying. These are are instincts, and you can’t avoid them happening in certain situations.

For example, when you’re in a situation which scares you, you’re going to automatically react in a set way – you’re probably going to become nervous, your heart will race, you might go hot, you might start shaking, etc. This is your survival mechanism, and it has evolved from the days of the rather hairy cavemen and still quite hairy cavewomen. The same can be said for attraction. When we like something or someone, we automatically show physiological signs of attraction.

The 15 most obvious physiological signs someone likes you

If you see just one of these signs, it might be best to wait and see how things develop; if however you’re noticing more than three, that’s a pretty good indicator of the fact they’re into you too!

#1 They smile a lot around you. It’s hard to be sad and frown around someone you really like. You’re automatically going to smile, because you feel joy, and your face simply can’t help itself! In terms of the most obvious physiological signs someone likes you, a constant smile is a pretty good measure.

#2 They often make eye contact, or you notice them staring when you’re not looking. Eye contact is a definite sign of attraction, and if you notice that the guy or girl you’ve got your eye on literally has their eye on you, especially when they think you’re not looking, you can pretty much put it down as a definite ‘yes.’

#3 Or, they can’t look at you. Confusing, right? Some people are a little shy naturally, or they might suddenly become shy around the people they like. If you’re noticing that he or she looks at you and then quickly looks away, perhaps like they’ve been caught doing something they shouldn’t, that’s of the clearer physiological signs someone likes you too! It depends on the person and the way they react to what is a slightly embarrassing situation.

#4 They display open body language … or it might be closed. Yet another complete confusing contradiction is the subject of body language. Generally speaking, if someone likes you and wants you to know about it, their body language will be open and not at all defensive. This could mean that their arms are by their sides, and not over their body, their shoulders are where they should be and not hunched up out of stress, and they look generally quite relaxed around you.

On the flip side, some people *shy types again* may actually display very closed body language around you for no real reason; this means they may cross their arms over their body as the main example. The best way to figure it out is to see if they do the same thing with anyone else and that should give you your answer.

#5 Their body is angled towards you. We tend to unknowingly lean towards the things we like, so if you’re noticing that his or her body is angled towards you, and not away from you, that’s a pretty clear sign too. Even if someone is showing closed body language out of shyness, they will probably still lean into you a little. This won’t be a move that looks forced, it will also be quite subtle, but it’s definitely there.

#6 Their cheeks are flushed. One of the clearest physiological signs that someone likes you is flushed cheeks. It’s not particularly hot, but they’re certainly going a little pink! The reason for this is thought to be the release of adrenaline, which causes an increase in blood flow. As a result, you get that pink tinge to your cheeks!

#7 They might be shaking slightly. Isn’t it great when your mere presence causes someone to lose all control and start shaking a little! Take it as a compliment, because if you see someone with flushed cheeks who has the slight shakes, it’s a very clear sign that they’re crushing on you!

#8 They stumble over their words. If someone is stumbling over their words around you and they normally don’t have an issue with it, it’s a clear sign you either terrify them or they like you! Hopefully it’s the latter.

#9 They fidget a lot. Another common physiological sign someone likes you is fidgeting. This can be messing with their hair, touching their neck, tugging on their lip, pulling on their sleeves; it can basically be any type of fidgeting motion which they wouldn’t normally do.

#10 Their pupils dilate. Okay, you’re going to have to look pretty closely to see if this is happening, but when we like someone, our pupils get larger in size. This can also be a reaction to light, so if you’re in a pretty dark environment, don’t take this is as a certain sign, but if it’s in conjunction with other signs and it’s a normal lighting kind of situation, you’re in there!

#11 They mirror your posture. The same kind of thing as leaning into you, when we like someone, we tend to mirror their posture and movements to a small degree. If he or she is standing in a similar way to you, that could be a clear sign.

#12 They have a strong posture. This is more likely to be a man, but it can sometimes be a woman too. In this case, the posture is strong, because they’re trying to impress you with their strength, and in this case, manliness. A woman could be doing it to exude confidence.

#13 Their heart is beating faster. Again, pretty difficult to identify unless you get very close, but if someone likes you, their heart is likely to beat a little faster when you’re around. Look at their neck if you get the chance, can you visibly see their pulse? You might also notice they’re a little breathless as a result.

#14 They might be a little hot or sweaty. Attractive, right? If you’re noticing that he or she seems a little hotter than is necessary, it could be a clear sign that they’re feeling hot under the collar due to your presence in the room!

#15 They’re instinctively protective over you. Exhibiting protective behavior is another sign that someone likes you, because we tend to want to protect those we care about. This could be sticking up for you verbally, either when you’re around or not around, or it could be stepping into a fight. Either way, it’s a good sign.

Remember, just one or two doesn’t really tell you a huge amount, but more than three, especially when they don’t do it in anyone else’s presence and you’ve got a very clear answer coming your way!

These are 15 very clear physiological signs someone likes you. The next time you’re around that person that you’re so curious about, see how many you can tick off the list.

 

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33 People Told Us Why They Fell Out Of Love With Their Significant Other And It’s Pretty Sad

We recently asked the Phicklephilly Community to tell us about the moment they realized they were falling out of love with their significant other and the stories were absolutely heartbreaking.

Grab the tissues because things are about to get real emotional:

“After my sister’s burial service, he left me to go home and play video games. I was all by myself talking to all these people when I needed him the most, because it was the worst day of my life.”

“I noticed I was falling out of love when everything she did started to annoy me. It felt like I couldn’t stand her. I missed the honeymoon phase. I moved away that year and we didn’t talk for months. Eventually we just didn’t care anymore and broke up.”

“When my ex-husband kept threatening to walk out the door and not one piece of me wanted him to stay.”

“I would fall asleep next to him and just feel incredibly alone. Sharing a bed should be intimate and comforting, but it just made me feel depressed and isolated.”

“She kept telling me about her problems and I had to listen all the time and be compassionate. When I tried to tell her how I felt about being bullied at school, she told me I was overreacting, and that bullying was “no big deal.” I should have broken up with her sooner.”

“My ex of six years was talking about future plans and I remember feeling my stomach drop. With that simple statement, I remember the feeling of depression hit me so quickly. I will never forget the feeling of sadness that took over me.”

“My ex-husband was emotionally abusive and I had caught him several times having inappropriate conversations online with both men and women, in which he referred to me as his roommate. Come to find out he had been doing it our entire 3-year relationship. That morning I woke up and was just done.”

“My ex-boyfriend and I met while working on a cruise ship and we kept a long-distance relationship for 9 months. Weeks before we were supposed to work on a new ship together he told me he had to go on a different ship. I was able to switch to his ship, but when I arrived he had already switched to another ship. At that moment, I just realized he didn’t want to fight for our relationship. I gave up and got drunk with my now-fiancé.”

“I kept finding things that were clearly evidence of cheating and lying, then convinced myself there was a way we’d work past it together. He blamed me for what he’d been doing, and any resolutions to it would be mine to work on alone. I asked him to leave before he even finished what he had to say, and haven’t looked back.”

“We just ended up growing in different directions, I realized I didn’t want the same things anymore. My values and interests changed, my maturity grew…but he stayed the same.”

“Where do I start? He called my niece fat (she’s 5) and he basically told me he wouldn’t be with me unless I used my engineering degree. Ultimately, he just loved the idea of what I COULD be, not actually who I WANT to be.”

“After my friend died of suicide, my ex told me he did it for attention. Then I realized how shitty of a person he was.”

“When one of my dogs died out of the blue, it sent me into a huge depression that I’m still recovering from almost 2 years later. The first time I left the house I threw up and had to come right back home. Then I went to see my boyfriend and he kept kissing me seductively. Honestly, it disgusted me. It took so much for me to even talk to him. At that moment I thought, either this guy is completely unaware of my feelings and who I am or he’s just a selfish dick who has no empathy.”

“It was when he accused me of having alcohol problems in public. I felt sad because he was projecting onto me. He is an an alcoholic who has been through rehab for his problems. I realized the man I had once loved was buried in his own mire of self pitying filth, so I let him go.”

“When I found his Ashley Madison account.”

“It was a year into our relationship when he told me he gambled away his one month paycheck. I didn’t think anything of it at first, but it happened again five more times. I just got exhausted with the excuses and I realized that he was a gambling addict. The worse part, he didn’t want professional help.”

“I feel bad about it because he had high functioning autism, but the amount of time he’d spend on his phone or Nintendo when we were hanging out. It would be difficult to converse with him sometimes because he’d be so wrapped up in video games. The lowest point was when I was feeling down about something, he gave me a hug and I realized he was still playing his Nintendo while he had his arms around me.”

“When I realized that I was putting in 10 times the amount of effort that they were. But what really broke it was hearing them say they didn’t love me.”

“When we were shopping with his mum and sister, and the three of us were playfully mocking him. He just lost it; he screamed at me and then took his sharp thumbnail and ran it down my badly sunburnt arm, making it bleed.”

“When I started making excuses not to see him. I realized I was happier spending time by myself. Having him over started to feel like an obligation. I did love him, but I was no longer in love with him.”

“His father was aggressively rude, and blatantly tried to make me uncomfortable. For example, he made multiple comments about my cup size, and asked how much my family was worth. It was clear that his family wasn’t interested in adding me to the next holiday photo. It became hard for me to see a future with him after that experience.”

“We had a pregnancy scare and I realized I truly did not want to be connected for life to my boyfriend. It took a while to end after that, but that was my first real inkling that I didn’t love him.”

“I realized I wasn’t in love when I would feel drained after spending time with her. I didn’t even want to admit it to myself, because I felt so ashamed. That was my first and only relationship, but at least it was a lesson as to what being with someone SHOULDN’T feel like.”

“I fell out of love with him after we finished our family and I saw him as a father. Three beautiful sons in four years, and he couldn’t be bothered to play with them or do things with us as a family. I could never get over the fact that he obviously did not love our children as they deserved to be loved.”

“When I realized that he didn’t really listen to me. He had some made-up idealized version of me built up in his head that he put up on a pedestal, and it just wasn’t who I truly was.”

“We were together for two years, lived together, and had a cat together. We worked at the same restaurant and he ended up getting fired and had no motivation to find another job. He began stealing money from me, playing Fortnite all day, while I cleaned up the apartment and did his laundry.”

“I realized when I couldn’t go where I wanted or hang out with my friends without him that he was a toxic drain on my life. I felt like a prisoner.”

“I knew I didn’t love him anymore when I found out he’d cheated on me, and I didn’t even feel sad about it. I was relieved that I finally had an excuse to break up with him.”

“I got a pixie cut and he told me he wasn’t sexually attracted to me anymore. My feelings for him vanished that day. Been happily single for almost two years now.”

“Probably when she couldn’t remember my birthday one year into the relationship. She did not know anything about me, beyond my Netflix password and what I’m like in bed.”

“I realized she agreed with everything I said. I thought about it and realized she ALWAYS agreed with everything I said. So, I changed it up and started saying the exact opposite of what I thought, and she agreed with that, too! We broke up a few days later because I need someone who has their own opinions and isn’t afraid to challenge me when they disagree.”

“When saying, “I love you,” felt like an obligation. There was no feeling behind it anymore.”

“He was talking about how hard his day was and when I tried to jump in he said, ‘Yeah, but you just draw pictures on the computer.’ I’m a graphic designer.”

If you’ve experienced falling out of love with your significant other, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Girl asks notorious photoshopper to make her look ‘skinny’ and ‘pretty.’ His response goes viral

Photoshop wizard James Fridman is known for using his incredible graphic design talents to brilliantly troll the people who request his services. It’s not that he doesn’t follow their directions—in fact, he often follows them quite literally. But the end result is rarely exactly what the requester had in mind.

Exhibit A:

James Fridman

Exhibit B:

James Fridman

Exhibit C:

James Fridman

But though Fridman’s end results are often hilarious, he ultimately likes to use his powers for good and to teach people a lesson about a larger social issue. Recently, he received a request from a girl who has struggled with her weight for years. The request reads:

Hey James! Love your work! Your hilarious! And knowing you, you probably won’t do this and I know you get this message A LOT but here goes. Ok. So I’ve struggled with my weight ever since I was like…what 7? I’ve tried everything to lose weight too! I’ve done sports, ate healthy, exercises, took pills. LEGIT. EVERYTHING. but I still remain..um fat. Please just make me skinny for once it would be a huge favor! I just want to see what I would look like if I was pretty! Thanks! ❤

Clearly she had a sense right off the bat that his response would not be to shrink her body to the size of a Kardashian who funnels millions into a personal trainer and subsists off laxative tea and dry cereal. And she was correct. But instead of using his photoshop skills to transform her into something funny, he used his platform to drop some knowledge, and returned her photo exactly as is. Here was his response:

James Fridman

“Skinny doesn’t necessarily mean pretty,” he wrote. “Don’t let the struggle of trying to lose weight take the fun out of your life. Stay active, eat healthy and let yourself be happy just the way you are.”

That may be the best “weight loss” advice I’ve ever read; it’s no wonder the tweet went viral with over 55,000 likes and counting. And in a rare twist, the internet has responded with kindness for once:

Gardenwife
Pretty? She’s beautiful!

hails
You’re a beautiful human for doing this and she is a beautiful girl!!!

Cheryl Mitchell
truer words, James. She has a lovely smile and her warmth and kindness shines through.

Turns out, this guy’s wizardry skills extend beyond manipulating images. He could strike up a successful side hustle as a personal fitness guru or therapist. Twitter agrees.

Freyjinn
James is the therapist we don’t deserve

LoolerMeister
But he is the therapist we need

But let’s hope he never stops photoshopping. Because the world needs this brilliance:

James Fridman

And this:

James Fridman

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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I’m a bartender who’s witnessed countless first dates — here are all the things you’re doing wrong

  • As a bartender, I’ve witnessed countless first dates play out in front of me.
  • I’ve come to learn several mistakes people make on their first dates, like getting too drunk, underdressing, or not having enough money to cover the bill.
  • Here are the biggest mistakes I see people make on first dates at bars.

Something a world-famous bartender recently said on bars and dating culture stuck with me.

Jim Meehan, the author of “Meehan’s Bartender Manual,” said that in the early years of his career, bars weren’t where people went on dates, but where they went to find dates.

Nowadays, online dating has changed the game. And as a bartender in the age of dating apps, I’m grateful that I’m spared the horror of seeing real-life Tinder swiping in front of my eyes.

But one painful ritual I’m frequently audience to is the cringeworthy first date. I’ve witnessed countless first dates play out from behind the bar, and I’ve gotten a sense of what works and what doesn’t from both parties.

These are the worst and most frequent mistakes I see people making, and what they could be doing better.

Know the kind of bar you’re going to.

Know the kind of bar you're going to.Nathan Klima for The Boston Globe via Getty Images

Because of apps, most of us go in relatively blind to first dates — we haven’t met our match in real life.

But that doesn’t mean you should go in blind to the bar too. You don’t have to be the person who didn’t make a reservation, or is overdressed or underdressed, or isn’t ready for the sticker shock of the menu. I’ve seen all of the above, and other than being small-talk fodder for the date, it’s not a good look.

Scout a place on a day before the date. Make sure you know things like the likelihood of a wait, or if the atmosphere is entirely too romantic, or too loud to hold a conversation.

But be cautious of overfamiliarity.

But be cautious of overfamiliarity.Reuters/Bernadett Szabo

It’s also funny to me when people take different dates, week after week, to my same bar.

We bartenders won’t do it on purpose, but you are running the risk of having us inadvertently reveal your penchant for dating around, which also might not be a good look.

“Hey there. Same as last week? Old-fashioned for you and a Bee’s Knees for the lady?”

In my effort to flex my ability to remember your face and drink order, it’s not uncommon to accidentally reveal you were here last week with someone else — someone who in this case apparently likes to drink a Bee’s Knees.

Check your card balance beforehand.

Check your card balance beforehand.Shutterstock/svershinsky

Always check your card balance before you go out to make sure you have enough to cover your bill. Or if you’re out of town, make sure your bank won’t lock out your card for security reasons.

I always try to be discreet if I can tell someone is on a date when their card is declined, but if you don’t have cash or another viable card, that date you intended to treat may end up footing the bill. Awkward.

For goodness sake, tip 20%.

Always tip your bartender 20%. No matter how the service was. Every time. Whether you’re on a date or not. But especially on a first date.

Because even if waiting tables or making drinks isn’t your date’s current profession, you never know whether they were a former service-industry worker and will be sensitive to the issue.

I can almost guarantee they’re going to check to see how much you tipped. And a good tip will show them you acknowledge the hard work that goes into a service-industry job, which usually comes with a base rate below the minimum wage.

A tip higher than 20% would be, ahem, uber-classy and demonstrate generosity.

And if you know that your date has worked as a bartender and still don’t intend to tip 20%, just stay home.

Side note: If a customer gives me their phone number while I’m bartending but tips less than 20%, I’m immediately throwing it away.

Don’t get wasted.

Don't get wasted.Craig Barritt/Getty Images for Garden & Gun

This one probably speaks for itself.

I remember a gentleman once showing up early at the bar for his date. He pounded two double vodka sodas by himself. He pounded another double vodka soda when his date left, after an awkward hour of squinting, swaying, and not saying too much.

It’s also pretty awkward to get cut off by the bartender on a date with someone new, as happened to me just a few weeks ago. After balking and accusing me of simply not wanting to serve him, the young man — yes, it’s usually the men over-imbibing — left a one-star Yelp review about it.

I imagine that being cut off in front of your date is less embarrassing than falling down the stairs at a three-story bar, so I maintain that I was helping him in the long run.

When it comes to conversational faux pas, oversharing is a big one.

When it comes to conversational faux pas, oversharing is a big one.Chris Hondros/Getty

I’ve seen more than one dater’s eyes glaze over as their date regurgitates a spectrum of emotions on topics relating to their exes, drug use, daddy and mommy issues — the list goes on.

It’s one thing to have a back-and-forth where you’ve connected on deeper, emotional topics on a first date, but when it’s a monologue, it’s like watching a therapy session — a really awkward therapy session.

Daters often have go-to topics, like travel and television, but miss cues that their date doesn’t care.

Daters often have go-to topics, like travel and television, but miss cues that their date doesn't care.NBC

Even traditionally “safe” topics, like travel, can go awry when daters use it as a conversational crutch.

From polling other bartenders, I can say the television show most heavily abused as a first-date conversation topic that goes absolutely nowhere is “The Office.”

So if your conversation is going this way: “Have you seen ‘The Office’? No? Well, there’s this scene where …” Stop at the word “no.” Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

A lot of conversational topics are fine with a good mix of questions. But some daters I see are like trial lawyers: They cross-examine their date.

A lot of conversational topics are fine with a good mix of questions. But some daters I see are like trial lawyers: They cross-examine their date.Getty Images

I’ve seen a lot of dates become deeply uncomfortable because they start to resemble a job interview.

Often, the questions are too probing and invasive.

If you’re trying to figure out your date’s marriage goals, bank account, and family disease history on the first date, you probably won’t get a second.

Don’t bring up your conspiracy theories on a first date.

Just don’t.

Or maybe do. They’re loads of fun for me to hear.

The best so far was a guy on a first date revealing he believed that “the moon is a man-made construct” — a serious level-up from the “we faked the moon landing” theory. Not as good as the “moon is made of cheese” hypothesis though.

Don’t misrepresent your physical appearance.

Don't misrepresent your physical appearance.Reuters/Jonathan Alcorn

I remember one incident where a guy was so freaked out by something that as soon as his date went to the bathroom, he had to tell the bartender I was working with: He thought his date looked great, but her dating-profile pictures must have been at least 15 years old.

People may be judgmental jerks about your appearance. But some won’t be. Misrepresenting yourself, on the other hand, perturbs everyone.

Don’t mansplain things to the bartender to try to be impressive.

Don't mansplain things to the bartender to try to be impressive.REUTERS/Marko Djurica

I think it’s a good thing when a couple on a date can make good conversation with the bartender. People reasonably make character judgments about others based on how they treat those serving them. Warm conversation can go far.

But men in particular are enormous offenders of bad bar chatter with the bartender on dates.

Sharing an enthusiasm for spirits, asking questions, and even sharing some information is fine. Giving condescending sermons on things I already know, like the difference between bourbon and rye, do not impress me and do not impress your date.

Likewise, don’t order an overly complicated drink to flex on your date.

Likewise, don't order an overly complicated drink to flex on your date.Michael Loccisano/Getty Images

The look I will give you while I make your Ramos Gin Fizz — an eight-ingredient cocktail that requires so much shaking that some bars just use a blender instead — will indicate to your date that you are a bona fide jerk.

Especially if I can tell you ordered one in an attempt to seem impressive.

Don’t act accosted by small grievances.

Don't act accosted by small grievances.Getty Images

Any time I’ve been serving or bartending and a dater bickered over trivial bill errors (that often weren’t actually errors), I usually notice a curled-lip response from their date.

You don’t look assertive. You look cheap and petty.

Likewise, don’t send back a drink when it’s not exactly to your liking. Suck it up.

And men especially, don’t act so affronted by a “girly” drink.

And men especially, don't act so affronted by a AP/Chris Pizzello/Invision

Don’t insist that I pour a cocktail meant for a stemmed coupe into a rocks glass in front of your date.

Plus, as I have in the past, I will make the next drink three times as effeminate just to make you reveal your fragile masculinity all over again.

Finally, if you insist on doing any of the above, don’t sit in front of me.

Finally, if you insist on doing any of the above, don't sit in front of me.Sarah Jacobs

Please, spare your bartender. We aren’t like servers. We’re stuck in front of our well.

And you always seem to insist on sitting right in front of us.

Sure, witnessing the schadenfreude can be entertainment. But it’s mostly just cringeworthy.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Flirting While in a Committed Relationship: What You Need to Know

Part of being human is the need for attention, but is flirting while in a committed relationship a breach of trust, or simply a bit of fun?

No matter how you look at it, flirting while in a committed relationship is always a touchy subject – is it acceptable, or frowned upon? Can you actually define it? Or gasp, can you honestly completely avoid it or walk through life with your horse blinders on, in a world where there are a million ways to reach out and bat your eye at someone?

Picture the scene, you’re sat at a cafe with your friends, chatting and drinking coffee and suddenly someone tells you that they saw your partner flirting with someone else whilst out around town a few nights ago.

How would you feel?

Shocked, upset, betrayed?

All of those emotions would be completely right on the money, but if nothing actually happened, and it was simple flirtation, would it be wrong?

Welcome to a huge grey area!

Flirting while in a committed relationship – Wading through the grey area

Flirting while in a committed relationship is fine in some people’s eyes and totally off limits in others. Personally, I wouldn’t like it if my partner was flirting up a storm with someone else, whether they meant to do it or not. The problem is, what you might consider to be flirting, they might simply consider friendly joking. There are so many fine lines here and so many of them are different shades of red.

A story of not being right, and not being wrong

This happened to a friend of mine a short while ago and I actually witnessed the apparent flirtation. ‘Apparent’ isn’t actually the right word to use, because there was nothing apparent about it, it was as clear as day. I had a friend with me at the time and we agonized over what to do – should we tell our friend that her boyfriend had been flirting up a storm, or should we just let it go?

This actually caused a heated debate between the two of us, because I felt it was wrong to flirt the way he did, but she felt it was nothing to become that upset about, because it clearly had no intention behind it.

My argument was this – how can you tell if flirting has an intention behind it or not? You’re not in that person’s head, you can only judge the situation based on what you see and hear.

In the end, we told her. I just couldn’t not tell my friend, and do you know what her reaction was? She wasn’t bothered. She said that she knew her boyfriend was quite the flirt and she’d actually been sat with him in the past when he’d done it; apparently he doesn’t even realize he’s being flirty, he thinks he’s being friendly.

That wouldn’t have done for me, but then again, we’re all different.

What’s your take on this?

You see, the way I always look at things is to ask how I would feel if it happened to me. Before I do anything, most of the time, I think ‘if this was the other way around, how would I feel?’ That normally tells me whether what I’m doing is okay in my eyes or not.

You could argue that flirting is healthy, because it is fun, and we’re told to have as much fun in life as possible. My argument is if that’s the case, why can’t you flirt with your partner? That would still be fun!

As you can probably tell by my stand on this, I think flirting while in a committed relationship is a huge no. Am I right? I’m right in my eyes, but I don’t pretend to be the world’s last decision on rights and wrongs!

A personal choice of flirting

The best way to approach this is to figure out where you stand on it yourself. You have to live your life by your own ideas and values. Take my friend for example, she flirts whilst she’s at work, in a predominantly male environment, and she doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong, because she loves her partner. Clearly her partner does the same, and they’re both okay with it. It works for them.

That’s great for them. Would it work for you?

Why do we need to flirt with other people?

I did a straw poll of my friends on this subject, both male and female, and they came up with these suggestions.

– Flirting while in a committed relationship can stop things getting stale and boosts excitement.

– It can stop one partner *or both* from feeling trapped in a long-term relationship.

– It gives an ego boost and makes them feel good about themselves.

– When you do it, it can keep your partner on his or her toes.

Do you agree with those reasons? I have to admit that I’m a little on the fence, if I’m honest.

Do you need a third person to excite you?

Firstly, I totally understand that in a long-term relationship things can get a little same old, same old on occasion, but surely you should be boosting excitement together, and not apart? There are plenty of ways to stop things from getting a little stale – have you not seen Fifty Shades of Grey?!

Secondly, are you supposed to feel trapped in a relationship? I personally think if you feel trapped there’s something a little wrong going on. I get that you might need an ego boost on occasion, I do, but I tend to do that by buying a new dress, rather than heading off to flirt with the nearest single male. Finally, you want to flirt with someone else to keep your partner on their toes? Seriously?! I can think of far better ways.

There are many who think that flirting is part of a healthy life and that it bears no reflection on the state of their long-term relationship. Maybe that is true, but would the flirting partner feel the same if their boyfriend or girlfriend was doing it too?

I’m inclined to think not.

The jury is out – Here’s what I think

Whether or not you deem flirting while in a committed relationship to be totally fine or a big red cross, that’s really a personal deal. I think that is the best way to address the issue. What we do need to talk about however is whether your partner feels the same about your standpoint.

For instance, maybe you see no issue with it, but maybe your partner is deeply hurt by it. In that case, it doesn’t make it right, does it? The best way to address this now is to make sure that you’re both on the same page. If you both feel the same about a little harmless flirting every now and again, well, who am I to judge? That’s fine, because you’re not hurting anyone and you’re both aware that it means nothing.

The big problem hits when one partner thinks it’s fine and the other doesn’t. If they continue to do it knowing that it hurts their partner, that’s a major, major red line. If they do it because they don’t know that their partner doesn’t like it, that’s a communication issue that needs to be fixed.

Maybe the answer to all of this is a need to sit down and actually talk to each other.

What’s the intention behind the flirting?

The other issue is how you can judge an intention. I totally get that innocent flirting without an intention to take it further and with no attached feelings whatsoever, no attraction or anything, is just that, pretty innocent flirting.

But, how do you know that is the case? Does the other person *the flirtee, if you will* know that’s the case? Or, more likely, do they think this guy or girl likes them and perhaps they’re onto something? In that case, surely another person is going to get dragged into the whole mess and will end up getting hurt too. All because you needed an ego boost.

Can you see how messy this might become?

Maybe it all comes down to what you deem flirting to be. A flirty wink, a brush of the arm *accidental, of course*, or a quick suggestive remark as a one off, is probably fine. But, repeated flirting with the same person? For me, that’s more than flirting and that has an intention of some kind behind it.

Flirting while in a committed relationship is certainly an area for debate which is likely to run and run. The only way to really answer the question is to focus on how it feels to you. Only then can you really the answer the question of whether it is a yes or a no.

 

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Kita – Chapter 41 – While You’re Away – Part 2

So she and JR breakup and it’s a bitter mess. Bitch JR immediately starts posting pics of himself with another girl which is just a knee jerk reaction to loss and revenge to your ex.

Kita gets an Instagram message from loser Steve, (Who is sadly from the same neighborhood as loser JR and they all know each other. You can see the jealously shit storm coming) and she starts seeing Steve.

Steve is an aloof motorhead that has zero experience with women so this whole rebound is basically a steel ball bouncing off a bumper in a pinball machine and deflecting off to something else. (Cool thing is… I’m “Extra Ball” AND “Free Game!”)

I’m just the big old lion catching some shade during this whole party. I assess the situation and listen to poor Kita during her sad plight. I’m there for her. I listen and offer advice that is of real value. I have to repeat it to her several times because baby just doen’t understand men.

The entire time this is happening as this poor girl struggles with the rudders of love, I ply her with delicious, trail mix, (which she loves!), crackers, granola bars, bananas, and free special tanning lotions.

I take her out to dinner. It’s exquisite. She loves it. You’ve already read about it. I took her out to a really nice xmas lunch and she adored that too.

So let’s sum up…

Met her and had desire but no idea of anything. Just an adorable object of pure phicklephily, waitress desire. Get to know her. Great conversation. (All me) Advice. More snacks. (Baby loves snacks. I used to ply ex GF Michelle with fruit and snacks!) Pepper spray to protect baby. Special snacks. Dinner. Special tanning lotion. Xmas lunch.

So here we are. Kita has had young love infatuation and loss. No sex. JR for 3 years a basic joke but got her little V card punched. Done. then rebound into moody loser, Steve.

I love Irony. I’ve done stand up comedy in New York, Stockton State College, and the Laff House in Philly. I’ve been funny my whole life. I’ve suffered so much, that’s how comics deal with their loss and tragedy. They laugh at it.

That’s the only tools we have to deal with our tortured pain and suffering at the hands of others.

That is a real thing that shapes who we are and makes us who we are and it is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s how the meek heal.

But there are several elements in play here. The irony here is quite obvious.

Lovely Kita is desperate to have love in her life. That’s completely normal. To love and be love is a fundamental need in humans. She felt that she had love for awhile with JR. That failed. Love fails more than it succeeds that’s why it’s so elusive, rare and wonderful. She rebounds off JR in searing pain and falls into the arms of wrong guy/neighbor of JR, Steve. JR sees this on social media and pushes forward quickly with his rebound whoever chick he’s currently seen in his instagram pics “having an amazing time.” Kita goes into a tizzy and tries to make it work like I did with insane Kylie and it’s never a match.

But there is a monument standing before this pretty young thing. Unfortunately, she can’t see it.

It’s a gentleman.

A father.

A man.

He has embraced her. He has listened to her. He has taken the time to learn about her. To spend hours with her. Teach her. Guide her. Care for her.

Listen to her for hours.

Given her delicious snacks she loves. Take her out to dinner. Give her minty gum. Spend hours helping her with her life challenges. Learning about her. Really getting to know her. Buying her pepper spray to protect her. More delicious snacks! Taking her out to a nice lunch at an upscale restaurant.

She’s so sweet and beautiful to me. I love Kita. I have no idea where this is going. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I feel like we’re on the edge of something. But the odd things is… Kita will be gone for a month and I’ll get a break from writing about her.

I have to say this…. (Here’s the purpose of this post)

The snacks, the talk, the gifts the dates. I have built the model of what it should like to date this very pretty sweet girl. That is what i’m good at. Kita doesn’t see it but I’m going to play this out to see where it goes. I’m showing this little fool what dating should look like!

I’m showing you Kita what a courtship looks like.

This is what romance and life look like.

I’m painting the picture for you and you don’t even see it. I see it as a challenge. I may not win. But at my age I just enjoy your company. A sweet 21 year old girl with a 55 year old man that you continue to spend time with. I’m really enjoying my time with you. I have a girlfriend that adores me and several other women that I spend time with. I love to be alone, but I can always pull the talent for any event I want.

Kita, you’re a special project for me. You can’t see it but I’m grooming you to be mine. I can’t help it. It’s just something I do. But I do love you in this moment.

When things are fresh and new.

I am a simple man that’s happy now with my simple life. It almost seems odd to me that so many butterflies get caught in the net of my fatal charm.

I hope my ex grifriends don’t read this and think less of me.

Kita will be in Florida for a month….

I’m going to miss her.

I hope she texts me.

if nothing goes wrong I’m going to hire her to work at the salon

I hope to God i can write something about my girlfriend Cherie soon instead of this little doll.

I’ve been writing this blog for two years…. I appreciate those that have hung in for the Philly part of all of my stories, but sometimes I think the Phickle will be my undoing.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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