Dating and Relationship Advice – Rape and Date Rape

I know for the most part phicklephilly has always been about romance, love and dating. It’s normally pretty light-hearted, but there is a darker side to dating that must be explored. Maybe the more we know the safer we’ll all be.

What Is Rape?

Rape occurs when sexual intercourse is non-consensual (not agreed upon), or a person forces another person to have sex against his or her will. It also can occur when the victim is intoxicated from alcohol or drugs. Rape includes intercourse in the vagina, anus, or mouth. It is a felony offense, which means it is among the most serious crimes a person can commit. Men as well as women and children can be raped.

Many times, the person who commits rape uses violence to force the person to have sex. An attacker also can use fear alone to commit rape. Rape can cause both physical and emotional harm to the victim.

What Is Date Rape?

Date rape also is when one person forces another person to have sex. It, too, is a felony offense. The difference between rape and date rape is that the victim knows the attacker socially. Perhaps he or she even went out with his or her attacker more than once.

What Should I Do if I Have Been Raped?

If you have been raped, follow these steps:
•Don’t wash or douche. You do not want to wash away any evidence that could be used against your attacker in court.
•Call the police and tell them what happened. If you are afraid to call the police, call your local rape crisis center.
•Go to an emergency room. While there, you will be examined. A doctor will make a record of your injuries and treat you. Samples of any fluid left in the vagina or anus (especially semen) will be gathered. Hair, pieces of clothing, or other objects left by the attacker also may be taken. These samples may be used to help identify and convict your attacker.

 

Was It Really Rape?

Some victims feel like rape is their fault. Although rape is never the victim’s fault, feelings of guilt can prevent the victim from getting help. Remember, rape can really hurt a person’s emotions. Even if you get over the crisis of the attack, you may develop painful feelings later. It’s important to get help for yourself as soon as possible to avoid serious emotional complications, even if you do not want to press charges against your attacker.

If you aren’t sure if what happened to you was rape, a rape crisis counselor or doctor can help you sort it out.

 

How Does Rape Harm the Victim?

Rape harms the victim both physically and emotionally.

Types of physical harm due to rape can include:
•Broken bones, bruises, cuts, and other injuries from violent acts.
•Injuries to the genitals and/or anus.
•Being exposed to diseases that can be passed on during sex, including HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, herpes, gonorrhea, and syphilis.
•Unwanted pregnancy.

Types of emotional harm include:
•Shame
•Embarrassment
•Guilt
•Feelings of worthlessness

 

You also may have problems with:
•Fear
• Depression
•Anger
•Trust
•Attraction to men (if the attacker was a man)
•Consensual sex later in life (inability to enjoy sex without intrusive recollections of the abuse)
•Flashbacks (reliving the rape in your mind)
• Nightmares
•Falling and staying asleep

 

Will I Ever Feel Well Again After Being Raped?

Rape can leave physical and emotional scars that last a long time. Some victims find that emotional scars never go away. Long-term counseling can help you to deal with guilt, fear, depression, anxiety, and other emotions. Many victims also get help by joining support groups.

How Can I Protect Myself From Rape?

Unfortunately, there’s no sure way to protect yourself from rape. Even people who take steps to protect themselves can be victims. But, following common safeguards, like these, is still a good idea:
•Be responsible for your actions. Stay in control. Don’t get drunk at a party and ask a stranger to drive you home, for example.
•Don’t walk alone at night. It takes just one trip alone to your car to be attacked. Walk with a friend.
•Don’t get talked into something you don’t want to do. Make your own choices and stick with them.
•Learn ways to defend yourself in the case of an attack.
•Trust your feelings. If a person seems threatening to you, don’t continue the friendship.
•Learn about rape and why people rape. This knowledge will make you more alert to possible attackers.

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly             Facebook: phicklephilly

 

 

Sun Stories: Summer – 2017 to Present – Return of the Outlaw

I’ve been working a lot lately, but the good news is our girl Summer from last season has returned to take some shifts for us. She’s our best hire to date, so I’m glad she’s finally back.

My darling Cherie has gotten a babysitter for Saturday night, so after work she’s going to jump in the car and come for a little visit. Which means we have limited time so I know certain things need to happen. This is the first Saturday I’ve had off in a while, probably almost two months. I get up, hit the shower, much-needed manscaping occurs, and I’m dressed and out the door. I didn’t make my bed this morning because later It’ll be stripped, and then made with fresh sheets for the arrival of her eminence.

I leave my place on Pine and walk north on 19th. The square in Rittenhouse is full of the usual cast of characters. Families together, children playing, dogs being walked, People chilling on the benches, friends sipping coffee and chatting. You can always find a tranquil moment in this metropolitan oasis.

First point of business is, I must go to my favorite Saturday breakfast spot, Rachael’s at 19th and Sansom. It’s been too long. I go in and of course they know my name and know what I want. I pay for my order and then go sit and one of the bar seats along the windows. I love the place because it’s small and intimate but is a classic neighborhood breakfast/lunch spot that doesn’t need to do dinner because that’s not what they are. Tasteful neon signs glow in the front window, but aren’t overbearing or obtrusive to the dining experience. You simply feel that you’ve stepped back in time, and I love that.

I love sitting in the same spot at the window whenever I go there. I read articles on my phone and look out the window and just people watch. When the weather’s nice there are plenty of lovely folks carrying on with their weekend plans.

Breakfast/brunch arrives quickly with diner like speed, but with home cooked elegance. This is a lovely repose to charge up for the coming day.  It’s all perfect just like always. (I like consistency in my life.) When I’ve had enough, I throw a few singles in the tip jar for the cooks and head out.

I get a text from our part-time employee, Summer.

“I am so hung over.”

I send her a pic of a bottle of Jameson in a bicycle water bottle holder.

“LOL! My boyfriend Jax is bringing me a breakfast sandwich.

I know she won’t bail on work because she’s tough and doesn’t shirk responsibilities like some of our other past employees. (Or maybe she’s just been luckier than they have!) She’s a young girl, in college, good grades, smart girl, but what di I do when I was 20? Cut loose and partied hard. I didn’t go to college. I went to L.A. and rocked the fuck out for a few years.

I’ve got a few things that need to happen today, but none are pressing at the moment. I light a post breakfast celebratory cig and walk north on 19th. I get to JFK Blvd., and head east to 18th street, where I know there’s an entrance to Suburban Station and I can get down there on the weekends through this portal.

I need to hit the dollar store in Suburban. The Dollar Store is a glorious fixture of this fine city. I’ll tell you why. First of all, everything is a fucking dollar! Living in this city’s really expensive. If I need a bunch of cleaning supplies for the house, and I mean everything right down to sponges, and I go to one of the major chains? Easily the bill will exceed $40 to $50 to stock your house with the stuff you need.

You go to the dollar store.

$14 bucks. Maybe $11.

I shit you not, my friends.

I used to date a Wall Street lawyer back when I lived and worked in NYC. She ALWAYS shopped at the Dollar Store. She made great money but knew better than to get fleeced by the main stream brands. We would go to the dollar store and load up! She was smart. She worked hard for her money and she intended to keep it. I learned from her.

I go in there and I’ve only come for one thing. Two bottles of laundry detergent for the salon. I know we’re nearly out and there are towels to be washed! (I forgot to pick up chocolates for Cherie) I need to travel light. I could have gotten a shit ton of stuff there today, but I don’t feel like lugging a bunch of things around on my day off.

Must conserve my energy and strength for tonight’s events.

I get to the salon and Summer is there and she looks banged up.

“You look like shit. Is that in style now?”

“Fuck you. Hey, this is my boyfriend, Jax.”

Jax is a tall, nice looking boy who stands up and shakes my hand to greet me. I like that. He has manners. He has dark curly hair and caramel skin. Summer has already told me that he’s of mixed heritage. Maybe someday if we can end racism in this country we’ll all look this good.

“How’d you get so banged up last night? Where did you guys go?”

“A few places, Xfinity Live, and then Tavern on Broad.”

“What were you drinking at the end, Summer?”

“Tequila.”

“Mmm tough one.”

“I puked when I came in here this morning.”

“But you made it in and we’re open. How come you don’t look like this bedsheet with two cigarette holes burned in it, Jax?”

“Hey!”

“Kidding Summer.  She’s so sensitive!”

“I know, man. I’m good. I guess I can hang.”

I like this kid. Doesn’t lose his shit when his girlfriend gets blackout drunk on tequila and makes sure she gets home safe. Even brings her breakfast and spends the entire day with her at the salon.

I do like this guy. He even goes across the street to Chipotle and gets them both lunch. I assure her that it’s okay for her to sit down and eat. It’s off-season and the place is dead. I’ll handle the counter. No one comes in for the half hour they dine. In a bit she’s back at the counter and I’m chilling in the waiting area chatting with Jax.

“Summer. Look up the last time I tanned.”

She does and it’s been a week. I’ve been doing so good, but I’ve slipped off the bronze god wagon. I should tan but I don’t want to be red for tonight. But the more I think about it, Cherie won’t notice my new haircut, or if my face is red or if anything has changed. Because Cherie sees the inner me. For some reason she’s attracted to me. Well… I get some of that. I do have special powers that match with hers. Despite everything going on in both of our lives, it’s a match. I love her and it’s just wonderful to be next to her. To make her laugh, spend time with her, and be intimate.

I’m a big fan of “If it’s not broken don’t fix it.” I don’t even want to tinker with this glorious train that sails down the line with elegance and stability, despite the challenges ahead on the tracks.

I decide to tan, but I’ll do it a bit later. Cherie texts me that she won’t be coming to the city until 6pm. Which in reality means, 7pm because of delays, construction, traffic, parking, and whatever else could arise on her journey to see me.

Cherie is a saint.

I head into the tanning booth for the full 9 minutes. I plug my phone into the unit and listen to my music (Greta Van Fleet – Highway Tune) while I tan. I hop out after 8 minutes and get dressed.

It’s time for me to go. I’ve got things to do and Cherie will be down here in a few hours. I bid Summer and Jax farewell, and head out into the humid afternoon sun.

 

Is it time to say so long to swiping?

While dating apps are as popular as ever, they might not be the best way to meet a potential romantic partner. That’s the takeaway from a recent survey, which found that only 8% of people polled said that they hooked up with their significant other via online dating or a dating app.

RELATED:

What was the most common way for couples to meet? Through mutual friends, according to the survey, which was conducted by market research company ReportLinker. An impressive 39% of respondents replied that they met their spouse this way—just like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.

Meeting at work came in second place, with 15% of respondents answering that they met their significant other at the office. Next on the list was in a bar or public area (12%), through a sport/religion/hobby events (9%), family (7%), and school (6%). Just 1% of poll takers said that they met their beloved at a speed-dating event.

The poll results cast doubt on the prospect of finding lasting love online, and instead relying on friends (or your local pub) to help you find The One. When asked what they thought was the main drawback of online dating, 30% of single respondents said that potential love interests on sites and apps were “not serious” and 21% said “more lies.”

RELATED:

Still, singles continue to search for a significant other digitally. Respondents who said that they were currently dating online had a profile up on an average of 2.4 websites.

The results were based on replies from 501 singles and 551 coupled-up people in the U.S. Speaking of couples, the survey also found that 6% of the people who described themselves as having a spouse were still registered on a dating website or app.

Dating and Relationship Advice – Things Men Say That Make Women Feel Insecure

“Being a happy ornament denies one’s full humanness.”

You’re probably a pretty secure woman. You know you’re strong and worthwhile, but sometimes your partner may say something that just makes you want to hide. It’s not just you — there are certain things men say that can make even the most confident woman feel bad about herself. I went to the experts to find out what those things are. Guys, listen up: these are the things you’re saying that are making your partner feel insecure.

 

Wow, that girl is so hot

It baffles my mind that some men think it’s okay to ogle other women in front of their partners, and it probably surprises you as well. When a man talks about the attractiveness of other women, it’s a sure way to make you doubt yourself.

One of the most disrespectful things that men say in front of women is commenting about and objectifying other women. It makes women feel small and sets them up for insecurity.

Men should be respectful not only about what they say, but “where their eyes wander.” Practice saying kind things to and about your partner, whether or not she’s there. This will take you out of the habit of objectification and into appreciation.”

 

That’s a dumb idea

Even if you think of yourself as an intelligent woman, it can be a blow if your partner devalues your ideas. And if you doubt your smarts, it’s even more damaging when your partner tells you that your ideas aren’t valid.

A study in Science magazine found that as young as six years old, girls already feel that they are not as smart as boys. When a partner confirms a woman’s fears about not being smart enough, it can be more hurtful than he may be aware.

She suggested that instead of men shooting down the ideas of their partners, to recognize her intelligence and emphasize her strengths.

 

You’ve gained some weight

Unfortunately, many women harbor deep insecurities about their weight. Comments about your weight and body can trigger those insecurities and leave you feeling embarrassed about your appearance.

Women are acculturated to equate self-worth with beauty and desirability. It is a challenge for women to strike a healthy balance with their self concept and vanity in a world that is often more preoccupied with how a woman looks than who she is.When a woman’s spouse or boyfriend makes a comment about weight gain, it can make her feel that she is unappealing.

The best thing for a relationship is for men to “assure [your partner] that you love her and believe she’s beautiful no matter what. Saying anything negative about her appearance, even if well-intentioned, will only create insecurity and a feeling of inadequacy, which is unhealthy for any person or relationship.

 

That biological clock is really ticking

Many women are all too aware of their age, especially if they want to have kids. One of the worst things a man (or really, anyone), can tell a woman is that her biological clock is ticking, especially because it can often be difficult to conceive.

For a lot of women, there is a challenge to balance the pursuit of motherhood with desires for intellectual and career goals. She shared, “When a man tells a woman her biological clock is ticking, it can trigger deep fears of not actualizing the desire to be a mother and create a family or cause a woman who may not be intent on that goal to feel as if she is not measuring up to being the sort of woman she ‘should be’.

Instead, she added advised that men who understand these struggles modern women are facing, and who are sensitive to the way women are being pulled in so many directions, are more able to “engage in a thoughtful dialogue about becoming a parent.”

 

Don’t get hysterical

Do you wear your emotions on your sleeve?  When men make negative comments about how you express your feelings, it can activate your insecurities and make you feel like shutting down.

Women who are assertive often carry the onus of being a hysteric or a shrew. When a man makes this comment, he may be condescendingly implying that a woman is out of control. Hence, a woman may doubt the validity of her own authority and question if in fact she comes across as abrasive and tyrannical.

However, if a man is comfortable with a woman’s power, he’s open and able to debate with one who is also passionate and assertive.

 

Why don’t you smile?

I tend to be pretty serious some of the time, and I’ve often been told I need to smile more. Interestingly, most of the people who have told me this are other women. But it’s also detrimental when your partner expects you to smile or be happy all the time, because it means he’s not valuing your other, equally valid, emotions.

Being a happy ornament denies one’s full humanness. Hence, when a man requests a woman to smile or asks why she isn’t smiling, it implies that other more serious sides to her are unappealing. It suggests that she be one-dimensional to accommodate another.

A man who wants to know all aspects of a woman, not just the “pleasant” parts, really embraces all of her faces.

 

You don’t dress sexy

In the beginning of a relationship, it’s natural to pull out all the stops when you’re picking what to wear. But when you’ve been with your partner for awhile, and especially if you live with him, you may wear sweatpants and t-shirts more often than not. If your partner comments on your dress, it can make you feel like you’re less desirable because you’ve allowed yourself to relax and wear what makes you feel comfortable.

When a man makes this comment, a woman can take it as a rejection of her style, her need for modesty or an implied demand to be more provocative so as to be interesting and desirable.

That said, this doesn’t mean a man can never mention the way his woman dresses. If a man playfully requests that his partner dress in a way that evokes his passion, while complimenting her intrinsic appeal and beauty, this wish for her to dress sexy becomes contextual not absolutist.

 

Are you on the rag?

How do you feel when someone asks you if you have your period? It’s a rude way of saying that you’re acting irrational or overly emotional, and it probably either makes you feel annoyed or insecure. Menstruation is already bad enough without all of your anger being attributed to your raging hormones instead of valid emotions. When a man arbitrarily throws out this comment whenever a woman is moody or annoyed, it sends the message that only a biochemical imbalance could explain her irrationality. It shuts down any opportunity to dialogue about what may be ailing his girlfriend or spouse and creates a wall of resentment.

 

Bringing up past insecurities

While there are some universal statements that will make a woman insecure, one of the worst things your partner can do is intentionally bring up things that he knows make you feel insecure, especially as a weapon during an argument.

For example, if a woman had terrible acne as a teen and she felt ashamed at the time, if a man calls her pizza face, he is intentionally evoking those childhood memories and bringing up those feelings all over again.

 

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                            Facebook: phicklephilly

Mary, Mia, Daphne, Alexa, & Carly. We Call It Wednesday

The reason the stock photo for this entry has several women in it is because I encountered so many lovely ladies today.

Wednesday I decide to eat lunch at Misconduct at 18th and JFK. I love the chicken tenders and my friend Mary works there. (See: Mary – 2016 to Present – Unexpected Table For Two) I take a small table by the door. It’s right against the wall across from the hostess stand so I can chat with Mary.

We catch up on what’s been happening in our lives and the tenders are delicious as always. The lunch rush is over around 2:30 and I’ve got my eye on the table in the corner. There are two guys there and they’re finishing up. Hot Mia is still going to be my server. She’s a cute little Latina girl who’s new.

The guys leave and I move over there. Now my back is to the wall in the corner and I can see the whole restaurant and bar. I can also plug in my laptop and phone and charge up for a bit while I work on some accounts.

3pm rolls around and Mia asks if I want anything else. I ask her for a Manhattan straight up with a side of ice. She delivers and it’s beautiful. I sip it and type away. I like restaurants at this time of day. It’s that lull between lunch and happy hour and I can chill in the quiet.

One of the servers that I’ve known since the Maria days, (See: Maria – 2016 to Present – Amor En Vano) Brianna comes over and gives me a hug. She’s a delicious baby with raven curls that tumble to her shoulders. A slender legged caramel skinned delight. (See: Daphne – 2015 to Present – Lovely Hostess – Part 2) 

It’s getting close to 4:30 and I have to meet up with my friend, Carla. (Another friend I’ve never written a post about, but she did appear in the Epilogue of the Annabelle series)

I’ve chosen for us to meet at Tir Na Nog, the Irish pub over at 16th and Arch. My friend Johnny R. likes going there, because they get all of the international soccer games on their TVs.  (See: Johnny R. – 2011 to Present -Needle in the Groove) I’m not a huge fan of the place because it gets noisy, it’s busy, and it’s usually a sausagefest. I’m not a sports fan either so it’s a no for me.

But… hot Alexa works there as a bartender tonight! (See: Alexa – 2016 to Present – The New Hookup) She’s the girl that comes into the salon and told me to come in when she’s working and she would give me free drinks and I would just tip her. I need more hookups around the city. I have four now. So let’s see if she follows through.

I get my bill at Misconduct and the Manhattans were only $7 a piece. That’s cheap.

I get to Tir Na Nog and the bar is packed and noisy. I hate this place. I find a seat at the end of the bar next to the wall. Alexa sees me.

“Hey there! you came in! What can I get you?”

“Manhattan, please.”

“What kind of whiskey do you want?”

“I don’t care.”

“I’ll give you Bulliet.”

“Nice! Thanks!”

She brings it and it has a cherry and a rind of lemon in it. I can’t say anything because I didn’t tell her how I like it, I just hope it’s free. Carla arrives and I’m happy to see her. It’s probably been a year. She orders a beer and I introduce her to Alexa.

We catch up and I give her all the news. She’s the marketing director for a major restaurant chain here in the city. It’s a big job and keeps her plenty busy. If I hadn’t reached out to her I probably wouldn’t have heard from her again. Maybe?

I notice she is very chatty. Almost too much. I like Carly and she is one of the normal women I know. That’s why I kept her around. I’ve cut out all of the crazies from my life. I tell her everything that’s going on with me and she says I seem more calm than I’ve ever been. She’s right.

I tell Alexa we are moving to Dan Dan (A Suezuan and Taiwanese place down the street) My friend Norm works there as a bartender and he says it’s always happy hour prices when I go there. I love the hook ups! I’ve had two Manhattans and Carla has had two beers. I ask Alexa how we proceed. Normally the bill should be $36 plus tip, so you’re looking at $44 all told.

“You’re all set.”

I throw down a twenty-dollar bill and Alexa smiles and grabs it.

“That’s it. We’re good. Thank you.”

And that was it. $40 worth of drinks for $20 and Alexa gets a $20 tip instead of a $7 tip. Hookups work as long as she doesn’t get caught. I think I like Tir na Nog again.

We’re both happy to be off and out of that place. We walk south on 16th and rush hour is in full force in the city. We get to Dan dan and Norm is there. He’s been away in Italy for 10 days and we’re happy he’s back. I think that’s a trend in the service industry. They work and make a chunk of money and then go travel somewhere to break from the stressful life of that industry. I think it’s pretty cool.

Carla and I order up some delicious noodles and pot stickers with some wine. It’s the perfect ending to a fun day surrounded by good people.

 

Oh… here’s a little bonus dating advice video I like. Enjoy!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                 Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – Dating Rules For Women – Tried & True, Old & New

“When he asks you questions answer them honestly. Keep the conversation informative, but not skeleton in the closet informative.”

The best dating rules for girls have not changed much over the years. There are some that are more modern, however the evolution of the rules has come with changes in society.

Long gone are the days when girls sit by the phone and wait for guys to call them. Back in the day they did that because it was wrong for them to call a guy. The only way they would hear from a guy is if they were home when he called. Today it’s within the dating rules for girls for her to call a guy, however it is not in the rules for her to call him incessantly.

The following is a list of dating rules for girls to follow before, during and after her date. Some may seem outdated, however they’ve been tested over time and have been proved to work like a charm.

Before the Date

  1. Look your best for the date. Taking time for proper grooming is always a good idea. It takes time for a lady to get ready, so plan enough time to shower, do your hair, nails and make-up. When you go out on a date always make sure you do a little extra to show him that you’re excited to be spending the evening with him.
  2. Wear an appropriate outfit on the date.  If you can, find out what you’ll be doing, so that you can pick clothes to match the activity. It’s never fun to show up for a bowling date wearing a skirt and heels. If he wants to keep the activity a surprise, it is appropriate to ask what type of clothes to wear. Make sure your clothing and dress are modest, clean and match.
  3. Be on time. It’s just good old fashioned dating etiquette to be on time. This shows that you respect him and the time that he has for you. It’s been said on many occasion that a woman should keep a man waiting, I don’t think they asked the man who is waiting and waiting what he thinks of that. (I hate lateness and I feel like everybody’s late nowadays. It’s inexcusable based on all of the instant communication we all now possess.)

During the Date

  1. Allow him to be a gentleman. Chivalry is not dead. The right kind of man loves to show his respect for you by opening car doors, holding open doors, helping your coat…etc. It’s a way that they can take care of you. If you’re unsure he’s this type of man, lag behind a little bit to see if he will open the door for you. You will know soon enough and will be able to adjust accordingly.
  2. Be a lady. Men don’t like a girl who’s good at belching, farting, swearing and so forth. Use your good manners with them and they’ll appreciate it.
  3. Be confident. This all starts when you’re getting ready for the date. If you look good, then it’s easier to feel good about yourself. Men love women who exude confidence (not arrogance). Avoid fidgeting, biting your nails, or filing your nails.
  4. Keep the conversation balanced. By this I mean do not control the conversation with things about you. Asking a man questions about his life, job, family, hobbies will show him that you are genuinely interested in him. Look him in the eyes when you’re talking. When he asks you questions answer them honestly. Keep the conversation informative, but not skeleton in the closet informative. (Hate that.)
  5. Avoid the past. One of the worst first date conversations you could have is who you’ve dated, how/why you broke up and the scars you carry. If he asks, you can politely decline answering. Your baggage should stay at home where it belongs, with the skeletons. (This rule goes for both sexes)
  6. Offer to help pay for the date. Politely offer to help pay for dinner, however don’t make a big deal out of it if he says no. Guys should never expect the girl to pay. Also, they know when you’re trying to get out of it by conveniently ‘going to the bathroom’ when the check comes.
  7. Respect yourself. Not every date is the best date ever. There are times when the guy’s not who you thought he was and starts acting inappropriately. Respect yourself enough to say no and end the date. Do not worry about hurting his feelings, worry about keeping yourself safe and happy.
  8. Enjoy the moment. Smile a lot. Life’s too short, so laugh and have fun. Even if you know the relationship with this will go no further than this evening, have a good time. Dating is all about experimenting, so live it up.

After the Date

  1. Show your manners. Thank him for a great time. Again, smile and look him in the eyes so that he knows you are sincere. Let him know if you’re interested in seeing him again.
  2. Give him some time to call you. Don’t expect a call the next day. If it happens that’s great, however if it doesn’t give him a few days. Calling him a few days later to thank him again for a wonderful time is appropriate.
  3. Know when to give up. If he hasn’t called you after a few days, let it go. It’s time to move on. It’s not in the dating rules for girls to sit around waiting for a phone call that won’t come. This only puts you in a bad mood and nobody likes feeling like that. (I’ve experienced this first hand.)

 

Let’s face it ladies, you love the amazing men out there. You love it when we’re interested in you. You love it when we treat you with respect and make you feel like the lady you truly are.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Wildwood Daze – 1974 to 1975 – Jaws

I was in Fels Junior High School.  My time at Fels was the worst time of my young life. I was entering puberty. I had greasy hair, braces, zits all over my face, glasses and weird clothes. I don’t know what my mom was thinking when she bought my wardrobe back then. I wore black dress shoes that had buckles on them. Kids would make fun of me and called them Pilgrim shoes. I was a total mess. If I had been a good student or an athlete all would have been forgiven but I was just a total loser. Low self-esteem, depression and anxiety didn’t help. But I was a smart kid. But that doesn’t help when you’re a total failure. I remember my mom later saying she wished she could have just put me to sleep and woke me up when I was 18.

The school of thought back then was you didn’t have to love your kids. I remember my mother later telling me that she didn’t love me during that time. I get it. But you don’t tell your child that. You don’t ever say those words to a little kid.

I loved to read. My father taught us all how to read before we ever went to school. He would spend time with us with books on how to sound out words and vowels and consonants. I will say when it came to educating us kids my father was amazing.

He would read us The Hobbit at night before bed.

I was a deadly reader long before my peers. I have instilled the same in my daughter growing up.  I may say no to you for another toy but I’ll never say to you if you want a book. I’ve bought plenty of both for Lorelei but she has always been an avid reader like her dad. I love that about her!

 

I was sitting in the auditorium after lunch one day doing study hall or whatever and this little Jewish ginger kid named Eric Dorfman gave me a paperback he had just finished entitled Jaws.

I loved sharks, dinosaurs, barbarians, superheroes and horror movies and everything like that so I was interested.

“You should read this. You’ll like it.”

I had never read an “adult novel” until then. I had only read science books, text books for school and most of all, comic books.

The book opens with a strong hook. Just like the opening of the film that would later premiere. I remember being drawn into the story immediately. My dad told me that the author Peter Benchley was the grandson of the author Robert Benchley.

Robert Charles Benchley was an American humorist best known for his work as a newspaper columnist and film actor. From his beginnings at the Harvard Lampoon while attending Harvard University, through his many years writing essays and articles for Vanity Fair and The New Yorker and his acclaimed short films, Benchley’s style of humor brought him respect and success during his life, from New York City and his peers at the Algonquin Round Table to contemporaries in the burgeoning film industry.

His grandson Peter Bradford Benchley was an American author and screenwriter. He is known for the bestselling novel Jaws and co-wrote its subsequent film adaptation with Carl Gottlieb. Several more of his works were also adapted for cinema, including The Deep, The Island, Beast, and White Shark.

Later in life, Benchley came to regret writing such sensationalist literature about sharks, which he felt encouraged excessive fear and unnecessary culls of such an important predator in ocean ecosystems and became an outspoken advocate for marine conservation.

By 1971, Benchley was doing various freelance jobs in his struggle to support his wife and children. During this period, when Benchley would later declare he was “making one final attempt to stay alive as a writer”, his literary agent arranged meetings with publishers. Benchley would frequently pitch two ideas, a non-fiction book about pirates, and a novel depicting a man-eating shark terrorizing a community. This idea had been developed by Benchley since he had read a news report of a fisherman catching a 4,550 pounds (2,060 kg) great white shark off the coast of Long Island in 1964. The shark novel eventually attracted Doubleday editor Thomas Congdon, who offered Benchley an advance of $1,000 leading to the novelist submitting the first 100 pages. Much of the work had to be rewritten as the publisher was not happy with the initial tone. Benchley worked by winter in his Pennington office, and in the summer in a converted chicken coop in the Wessons’ farm in Stonington. The idea was inspired by the several great white sharks caught in the 1960s off Long Island and Block Island by the Montauk charter boat captain Frank Mundus.

Jaws was published in 1974 and became a great success, staying on the bestseller list for 44 weeks. Steven Spielberg, (He was only 26 years old when he directed Jaws!) who would direct the film version of Jaws, has said that he initially found many of the characters unsympathetic and wanted the shark to win.  Book critics such as Michael A. Rogers of Rolling Stone shared the sentiment but the book struck a chord with readers.

Benchley co-wrote the screenplay with Carl Gottlieb (along with the uncredited Howard Sackler and John Milius, who provided the first draft of a monologue about the USS Indianapolis) for the Spielberg film released in 1975. Benchley made a cameo appearance as a news reporter on the beach. The film, starring Roy Scheider, Robert Shaw, and Richard Dreyfuss, was released in the summer season, traditionally considered to be the graveyard season for films. However, Universal Studios decided to break tradition by releasing the film with extensive television advertising. It eventually grossed over $470 million worldwide. George Lucas used a similar strategy in 1977 for Star Wars which broke the box office records set by Jaws, and hence the summer blockbuster was born.

Benchley estimated that he earned enough from book sales, film rights and magazine/book club syndication to be able to work independently as a film writer for ten years.

I remember being terrified reading the book in my bed. I think about that now, and it seems silly. How could a monster who couldn’t leave the ocean even get me in my bed. But I was young and this was a grown up scary story. One of the things that I noticed about the book that was different from the movie was this: In the book Hooper is having an affair with Brody’s wife, and in the end he dies. In the book he’s in the shark cage and the shark smashes through it and eats him.

There was so much hype about this film when it came out. It was the summer of ’75 and we were down the shore in Wildwood. (Which is a resort/retirement community somewhat like Amity in Jaws) There were five movie theaters around the island and they all had the posters for the movie up. But another brilliant piece of marketing they had going were these other posters called “Shark Facts.” They had the Jaws logo at the bottom, and then a list of facts about sharks. My favorite one was “Most shark attacks occur in 3 feet of water.” I knew this scared the hell out of everyone.

After seeing Jaws you really never saw people just running down to the ocean and jumping in. It was more like, walk to the water’s edge, stop, peer out into the ocean and then step into the water.

One of our neighbors took his daughter Stacy to see it. (Which I thought was inappropriate, because she was too young to see a film that violent and gory. But that was just my opinion) Of course her dad Steve always did stupid stuff. The scene at night when they’re underwater investigating the wreck of a boat. Hooper sees a hole in the hull and pulls out what appears to be a Dorito chip sized shark tooth from the wood. As he does this a dead person’s head pops out. It is one of the most startling moments in the entire film. Well, Stacy jumped, the popcorn went flying and was stuck in her hair as well as her father’s hair! (They both had dark curly hair)

I remember a group of us went to see it. I’m pretty sure my sister Janice was in that group. I remember during the opening credits, which is a camera cruising underwater through the seaweed, I started having anxiety. I knew we were in for some real thrills and chills. The film is so well done. Even though the shark by today’s special effects standards looks so fake, it’s still hold up as a great movie.

While filming Jaws they had so many problems with “Bruce” the mechanical shark, that they couldn’t show him as much as they wanted to. But this worked out really well. You’re always more afraid of what you can’t see than what you can see. And that music! Brilliant score by John Williams. Probably the most iconic two notes in history.

It’s just a great story about three very different men, thrown together in a small space in a very dangerous place, up against a massive marine predator.

I’ve watched the film again recently. I watch it every summer. Last year it came on TV at my favorite bar, Square 1682, and the bartender passed out bowls of their delicious and savory truffle popcorn. It really made the moment and brought everyone together at the bar as we watched this landmark classic film.

Jaws invented the Summer Blockbuster!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                     Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – Understanding Body Language When Dating Women

I oved writing this one. Huge fan of reading body language!

We have been using Body Language for thousands of years; everyone uses and reads Body Language on an unconscious level every minute of every day.

You may think that this only accounts for a tiny fraction of communication and tiny compared to words, but you would be very wrong. Body language actually accounts for a staggering 55% of all communication while your actual ‘words’ account for only a staggering 7%!

If you were to see a beautiful woman sitting alone in a bar stroking the stem of her wine glass whilst her body was pointing towards you as she was looking over, would you know what this means? Would you go over and speak with her? Should you?

Reading Body Language is difficult at the beginning, but like all things, it gets easier with knowledge, practice and experience.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when attempting to read body language is that they just look for 1 sign and act on it; but this is incorrect. You need to look for groups of signals (clusters) that all compliment and reflect each other. Just because your date is sat opposite you with her arms crossed, it does not mean that she is bored, closed, disagrees with what you are saying or does not like you! She could just be cold!

OK, now to cover the main things that you need to both look for and change about yourself to make you more appealing to women

l. Eye Contact

Good eye contact is one of the most powerful weapons you have in your arsenal.

You can literally stir powerful sexual tension or emotions in a woman just with eye contact. I know this sounds hard to believe, but non-verbal communication is one of the most powerful forms of communication. When you see a woman who you like, simply look at her with strong eye contact and body language, make it clear that you are looking at her and make sure that she knows it. From doing this, you know whether a woman is interested in at least having a brief conversation with you or not by her body language and reaction. From here, you can move further in the interaction by going over to say hello to her.

There is also a form of non-verbal communication called ‘triangular gazing’ which is when looking at a woman, you glance at her left eye, followed by her right eye, followed by her mouth (or vice versa, R,L,M.) This is a very sexual message that you are giving off and indicates both confidence and sexuality, she can’t help but feel the sexual tension, it comes from that instinctual part of our brain.

2. Body position

In order to not come across as too dominating to a woman, it is important not to approach her with completely straight/square on body language; animals do this when they are about to attack.

Also, If she is constantly turning her body to an angle, she is in effect, turning her interest away from you, take the hint and adapt and overcome. I always prefer to almost walk past a woman before talking to her, she will read from your body language that you are about to continue walking at any second and so will respond to you in a positive way.

3. Arms and legs

The arms and legs are a very powerful reading tool when it comes to body language. Have you ever noticed when someone is nervous how they constantly move their arms, hands, legs and feet as if trying to find somewhere suitable or comfortable to put them? This is fidgeting, it only happens when someone feels uncomfortable. Think about it, are you twitching and fidgeting right now while reading this? No, of course not, you’re in a relaxed and comfortable position.

What to do: Keep your arms to the side of your body in a relaxed manner or to the front of your body, hands together at 90 degree angles. When in this position, use your hands to really emphasize important points and also use for gentle, but quick touches on her arm to build rapport; just don’t overdo it.

4. Weight distribution

This is simple: when you are interested in someone, you will lean your body weight onto the front or leading foot. This is fine when talking with friends and family, but disastrous when talking with women who you like. It shows too much interest and neediness.

Instead, try to lean back and put your weight onto your back foot when she is talking. This shifts the power back into your favor and shows both confidence and also value on your behalf. You are in effect showing that you are not trying to pick up on her or putting in too much effort to win her affections.

5. Scratching and Grooming of Hair

This is where evolution comes in; scratching and grooming is a trait passed down to us through our genetic code by our prime ape ancestry, it’s pre programmed/hard-wired into our brains from birth.

The most common places where a woman will scratch herself is on the face if she finds you attractive. Scratching and grooming is more common in women than men, the tell-tale sign is when a woman is constantly playing and touching her hair for no apparent reason when she is in close proximity with you. This is also revealing in women with short hair as they still seem to touch and play with their hair for no apparent reason.

6. Holding drink with both hands

The holding of a drink, jacket or any other object in front of the body or groin area is a huge tell-tale sign of discomfort.

Both men and women tend to spend a good deal of the first date doing this until they properly open up to each other.

The item in front of you is actually a psychological block between you and the woman with whom you are speaking created as a sort of shield of protection, to protect the infamous ‘male ego.’ The sooner you correct this, the better your interactions with women will go. Next time you’re in an uncomfortable situation, particularly with a woman, notice how she will put her bag in between you and her.

7. Stroking of cylindrical objects / sliding in and out of a circular object

This is purely and simply sexual frustration in both men and women. Men: Slide their finger in and out of rings (as an example).

Women: Stroke the stem of their wine glass (as an example).

The points above cover some really basic body language which you should look to correct in yourself both during and after dates.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly