What Female Body Shape do Men Find Most Attractive?

It might be a bit of a throwback compared to what we are told today, but the most desirable female body shape is one with a “low waist-to-hip ratio,” or what is termed an “hourglass figure.” That’s according to a new study recently published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior. The study refutes Hollywood’s glamorising of a skinny frame with a big chest. According to the study, the hour-glass shape is more desirable because it’s a sign of “physical and sexual maturity in young women who have not been pregnant.”

William D. Lassek, the author of the study and a researcher for the Department of Anthropology at the University of California at Santa Barbara explains, “Because evolution depends entirely on individual success in reproducing, anything to do with reproduction, such as choosing a mate, should be optimised by natural selection.

Thus understanding the reasons why men find certain women attractive should help us better understand human evolution. The two elements which have been the subject of most research are women’s waist/hip ratios (WHRs) and body mass indices (BMIs).” Using data gleaned from studying more than 12,000 female participants in two National Health and Nutrition Examination Surveys, the study concluded that low WHRs have a greater likelihood of reproducing.

And it wasn’t just the looks; the study also found that women with lower WHRs also had higher levels of a nutrient that is crucial for pregnancy and breastfeeding—omega-3 docosahexaenoic acid (DHA). It will probably come as no surprise that men seem to prefer younger women, notes the study.

Another study out of the University of Texas attributes a woman’s attractiveness to a “theoretically optimal angle of the lumbar curvature” that creates a 45.5 degree curve. The study surmises that this curve allowed our ancient ancestors to better survive multiple pregnancies, thus passing the trait along to more generations. “This adds to a growing body of evidence that beauty is not entirely arbitrary, or ‘in the eyes of the beholder’ as many in mainstream social science believed, but rather has a coherent adaptive logic,” explains David Buss, the study’s co-author.

In other words, what both studies seem to say is that beauty is actually determined by how well we perceive a woman’s ability to propagate the species. It’s not about babes, it’s about babies.

 

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What Makes a Man Attractive? 15 Traits Guys Should Focus on Instead

What makes a man attractive may be the million-dollar question, but it’s not that hard to answer. It could be you just need to shift your focus a little.

Many men write to me, asking me about what makes a man attractive to a woman. Now, it’s a pretty broad question to ask. Every woman is different. Some like their guys with a sense of humor, other women like their men shy.

Before we proceed, it’s important to know that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. That being said, there are general traits which a majority of women look for when trying to find a suitable partner. And these traits have nothing to do with you looking like Ryan Gosling or a million dollar pay check every month. [Read: What do women actually want in a man?]

What makes a man attractive?

In my own experience, what I found attractive in men was basic. I wanted a talkative partner with a good sense of humor and who is calmer than me. I’m usually wired like an Energizer bunny, and if my partner was the same, we’d be in big trouble. But this doesn’t mean my best friend or the girl down the street wants the same thing.

No one said finding a partner was going to be easy, especially because everyone wants different things. But alas, here we are, and there are some traits that most women can all agree are desirable. So, if you want to know what makes a man attractive, keep reading. It’s time to find out!

#1 Your face isn’t the ticket. Yes, women would love to have a chance with Ryan Gosling or Chris Evans, but in reality, women aren’t that interested if you’re better looking or not. Women usually opt for more attractive men for flings. However, when it comes to serious relationships, they’re not interested in finding the hottest guy in town. [Read: How to be a gentleman and win her over with your charm]

#2 Women want to laugh. At the end of the day, we want a partner who’s going to make us laugh. A sense of humor is extremely important, and it should be a must-have trait on your list as well. Can you imagine being with someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Men who are found to have a good sense of humor appear more intelligent.

#3 It’s all about kindness. Though the bad boy may look appealing, they’re not long-term partner material. Instead, when women want to settle down, they look for altruistic men who are interested in helping others and doing good things. [Read: 20 qualities in a guy that make him a really good man]

#4 Hygiene. So, appearance does matter, but probably not to the extent you’re thinking. You don’t need to wear the latest brand names or have an expensive watch to seem attractive. But, women are looking for men who are well-groomed and hygienic. No one wants to date a stinky man. Taking care of yourself on a basic level is attractive to women.

#5 Beard or no beard? Many men wonder if having a beard affects their interactions with women. Well, having a beard or no beard is largely based on personal preference. So, facial hair can make you attractive, but it can also act as a repellent. Choose what you like when it comes to facial hair.

#6 Confidence. When it comes to attractive men and women, they’re usually the ones exuding confidence. No matter what you look like, confidence is the key. It’s sexy, there’s no denying it. This has nothing to do with looks, rather purely on howyou carry yourself in front of others. Stand up tall, shoulders back, and own yourself. [Read: 9 biggest reasons why men get rejected by women they like]

#7 Manners. I remember watching my date burp in my face over dinner. Needless to say, that was the last time I saw him. Manners are extremely important because it shows her what kind of person you are and how you were raised. These are things women pay attention to when on the dating scene.

#8 Active listening. Men are often teased about their poor listening skills. But, if you’re wondering what makes a man attractive, this is one trait that women are looking for in a partner. They want a man who’ll actively listen and provide input when needed. An attractive man is someone she can talk to and doesn’t feel like she’s communicating with a wall.

#9 Feeling of security. Women want to feel safe. I’m pretty sure everyone wants to feel safe around their partner. This is something to prove to a potential partner. Does this mean you look like the hulk? No. This isn’t about muscle mass. It’s about giving her the feeling that you can protect her. That’s attractive.

#10 Responsibility. So many people are scared to admit when they made a mistake. They are unable to apologize if they did something wrong. But apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions doesn’t mean you’re weak. A man who can take responsibility for himself is highly attractive for a woman. It shows maturity and personal growth. [Read: The 25 most unmanly AND manliest things a guy can do according to women]

#11 Connected to his feminine side. Many men are terrified of connecting with their feminine side, but this is what women are looking for in a man. They want a partner who’s well-rounded, empathetic, and kind. Sure, we like the idea of being with “a man,” but you can’t be alpha all the time. It’s exhausting. 

#12 Independence. No woman wants a mama’s boy. Yet, so many men are unable to cook and clean for themselves. A man who lives independently is an important trait women look for in a man. And it’s pretty hot to come home to dinner. A woman is looking for a partner, not a fully grown child.

#13 Knows how to have fun. Women want a guy who’s not always so serious. He knows when to separate work from play, and when he does relax, he enjoys his time and knows how to have fun. Being serious can be sexy, but only up to a point. Women want to enjoy their life with someone who knows how to. [Read: 15 things women look for in a man before falling for him]

#14 He has brains. Who doesn’t want an intelligent partner? When it comes to brains, intelligent men are sexy. A woman wants to know she’ll have a partner by her side, not someone she carries through life. A man who’s well-read and educated is really sexy. [Read: 24 intellectual questions for a smart conversation]

#15 Appreciates women. No, I’m not talking about a Casanova type of guy. But an attractive man is someone who appreciates and respects women. Have you ever seen a man with mommy issues? It’s not attractive, and if anything, women stay far away from those guys.

[Read: The truth behind what women really want in men]

You don’t need to look like Ryan Reynolds or Brad Pitt to be considered attractive. Most of what makes a man attractive to women have to do with your characteristics.

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Signs A Girl Wants You To Make A Move

When I was in university, I went to the movies with a girl who clearly liked me, but I was clueless and hesitant. After giving me all sorts of hints in the dark theater, I still wouldn’t make a move.

Afterwards she was frustrated and told me that we should just be friends. I look back on that story and cringe, but, like many guys, I didn’t know the signs a girl wants you to make a move. You can learn from my mistake!

Even though we live in the age of independent women, guys are still expected to make the first move. So, typically she’s going to drop the hints and you’re going to have to make the first move.

However, you don’t have to be clueless like me. While there aren’t crystal clear guidelines, there will be strong signs a girl wants you to make a move. If you get the vibe, then by all means, make your move.

Body Language Signs

Women can be difficult to understand partly because they can play hard to get or want you to prove that you’re interested. So, she might be giving you mixed signals with her words. This is where body language can be helpful.

Body language is done mostly subconsciously so she might be testing you with her words, while her body tells the tale of attraction.

Open and Engaging

The first step of seeing if she likes you is to look at her behavior when she’s around you. If she’s open, as in open arms, uncrossed legs, and relaxed, then she’s clearly comfortable with you.

Look for a high level of open and engaging body language, like leaning in, making eye contact, and not slouching when you’re talking to her.

Pointing

When a girl likes you, she will orient her body towards you, a phenomenon called “pointing.” Typically girls will point with their navels, their legs, and their feet in this situation. Both men and women will point towards people they find attractive.

Pay attention to pointing when you’re in a large group. If she is pointing her hips and/or legs in your direction, even while engaging everyone else, then her subconscious body language is gravitating towards you.

Touching and Proximity

If she gets close to you a lot and touches you, that’s a major sign the girl wants you to make a move. Keep in mind the touching will be more subtle.

Does she touch your arm? Does she massage your shoulders for a few seconds? If you’re showing her something on your phone, does she lean in closely, getting almost inappropriately close?

These are all subtle, but clear indicators that she is interested in you in some capacity. If she comes out and kisses you then you don’t even need to make a move! She did it for you.

Remember something about body language, though. It often indicates comfort and liking which isn’t always romantic. You’ll have to make sure other signs line up before assuming she’s into you sexually.

Gives You Permission

When I was talking to the girl I took to the movies, she told me how a friend of hers wanted her to model for him. He joked that he wouldn’t mind her doing some clothes-free photos. She laughed it off, but told me she’d happily let me take those photos of her.

Yes, I was a total idiot. Even with that gigantic sign that she liked me, I still held back from making a move, second guessing myself!

You’re probably laughing at my cluelessness. But, you know that in the moment, it’s easy to doubt, overthink, and second guess yourself. Knowing the signs a girl wants you to make a move isn’t always easy in the moment.

If she drops hints that she could see herself doing something romantic and sexual with you, that’s a huge sign she wants you to actually do it. Yes, she’s basically giving you permission to make a move on her.

Flirting

Flirting is the silent language of sexual attraction. On a basic level, flirting is joking around and having fun with someone you find attractive. Women will typically smile a lot, giggle, touch their hair, and touch you when they’re flirting.

If your conversations are fun and flirty with sexual tension, then it’s a good indicator she is attracted to you. Keep in mind, however, that some women flirt with almost anyone just for attention. So, if she does it with everyone, you might not be special.

Time And Attention

Whenever my clients ask me if a girl likes them, I always ask the level of attention she gives them. If it’s a lot, the signs are good she likes them. If they get her scraps and leftovers, then not so much. We pay attention to what we like. It’s that simple.

Of course, giving you attention could simply be a sign of friendship. However, if you’re getting her best time and attention, then it probably means she likes you more. This not only includes attention in real life, but also social media.

For example, when you text her does she text right back? When you ask her out does she say “yes” instantly? Is she always laughing at your jokes and taking interest in your activities and hobbies? If you’re getting that level of attention, she almost certainly likes you as more than a friend…and wants you to make some kind of move.

Compare Yourself To Her Guy Friends

If you’re looking for signs she wants you to make a move, compare yourself to her guy friends. Look at how she interacts with them vs. how she treats you.

If she treats you and them the same, then there’s little chance she finds you romantically attractive. But, if she treats you differently, interacting with you in a more sexual, flirtatious manner, then you can be pretty sure she is after you…and wants you to take it to the next level.

One good sign is also that her guy friends seem jealous about you. They are clearly picking up on her feelings towards you at that point. It’s further confirmation.

Making the Move: What to do?

If you see the signs she wants you to make a move, read the situation carefully. If you barely know her, your “move” might just be to put your arm around her or grab her hand. From that point, you can escalate to more, like kissing or making out.

Just remember, that some women will want to move more slowly. So, if she lets you hold your hand, but rejects your kiss, don’t get upset. Go back to holding her hand and get to know her better. Maybe later in the evening or at another time, she’ll let you kiss her or do even more.

The key is to build comfort with her never try to push yourself on her. If you’re attractive, she trusts you, and she gives you the signs, then you can make your move comfortably and securely knowing that you both clearly want it. Above all, if she says “no” then you have to respect that.

So, don’t be a fool like I was in university. If you’re getting the signs she likes you, then make that move! You’ll both be happier for it. And, if she rejects you, then get better at reading the signs. There are other fish in the sea who will like you.

 

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3 Reasons why American Men want Russian Brides

Dating and marrying a Russian woman: has it ever crossed your mind – or you’re just curious to want to know how it feels like? Either way, there are different reasons you should consider seeing a Russian woman as you’ll discover in this article.

The internet has changed the way we do things, including dating. Now, more than ever, it is easy to find a girl of your dreams without having to spend thousands of dollars travelling from country to country or city to city. With a touch of a button, you can have access to hundreds of beauties from all kinds of races in all demographics, shapes and sizes: young and old, skinny and plump, blondes and brunettes – the list is endless. Sites like Find Bride make it easy to find a perfect girl with all the right qualities you’ve been looking for.

Some insights on Find Bride review

There are so many platforms that allow you to find foreign girls; however, not all of them are legit. If you are keen on finding a Russian bride, its best to ensure that the site you are using isn’t a scam. Tops platforms like Find Bride have been around for a long time and have incredible customer reviews as well as testimonials, and maybe the best place to start your search.

Knowing this, the question becomes, why are American men interested in Russian brides?

They know how to get down

Many American men swear by how Russian ladies get down. These women know how to entertain and have a good time. While the degree may vary from one lady to the next, the average level is still remarkable.

So, if you are looking for some incredible romantic fun in a way that you’ve never experienced before, then you might want to try out a Russian lady. You might just like her too much, and if she’s into you also, end up making her your wife.

They are well educated and honest

The Russian ladies are loyal and are proud of their origin, family and even history. They value family above all. Many foreign men find the family bond to be an appealing quality in Russian culture. Many men who marry Russians say that their wife’s family cared more about them than their real family does.

If you have been in the dating game for a while, you probably know how annoying it can be to go out with someone who is beautiful but with no brains. The good thing about most of the Russian women is that they are known for being honest, and well educated. These two attributes are rare in the normal dating scene. Finding an honest woman is a great thing, especially if you have been out of the dating scene for a while.

They are fun to be around

American men love the fact that Russian women are beautiful, smart and have a great sense of fashion. This is not to say there are no women with poor fashion sense in Russia, but there is no shortage of options when it comes to well-dressed women.  Couple this with the above qualities and you have a great reason to want to meet a Russian lady today.

 

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People Only Fall In Love 3 Times, Each For A Unique Reason

Moreover, it is believed that from each of these relationships we learn important lessons.

What could the lessons/reasons behind all three be?

The First Love: The One that Looks Right

“The first stab of love is like a sunset, a blaze of color — oranges, pearly pinks, vibrant purples…”  – Anna Godbersen

Our first love often times finds us when we are young. Of course, for some that may be in their high school days and for others that may happen a bit later on in life. Therefore, it could be portrayed as the ‘idealistic love’. Being the first time, we tend to believe it is the one and only love in store for us. Although it may not feel ‘right’ sometimes or it may become difficult, we are inclined to stick with it and try our best to make it work. The reason behind this is that we assume this is what love is ‘meant’ to be.

On the other hand, the first time we fall in love may be unrequited. Nevertheless, it still is the ‘one that looks right’, making us go out of our way to make it work, just in a different sense than what is mentioned above. Whichever one happens, it is the love for us that we aspire to hold on to, ignoring the circumstances that it may very well not be the ‘one that lasts forever’, regardless of how beautiful it is or we feel it is.

Lesson: You must not know what you want/need and be able to differentiate between what is right and what is wrong for you.

Falling in love for the second time: The Hard Love

“You realize that tough love is also tough on the lover.” – Julian Barnes, The Only Story

The second time we fall in love is definitely considered as the hardest. It is the one to teach us big life lessons about ourselves and how we want/need to be treated and consequently, loved. It is the one that hurts us to the core, I’m afraid, as there tend to be sufficient amounts of manipulation or lies even involved.

This time around, we tend to believe we are making better or different decisions in contrast to our first one. However, our choices are most often still influenced by the need to ‘hang on’ to this love we wished was the right for us. It can, inevitably, become an even vicious cycle we repeat, as we are convinced we would have a different, better result each time.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein

Nonetheless, after each time, it does manage to be even worse than before.

It could be, therefore, unhealthy, unpredictable, or unstable in combination with high amounts of dramatics. Emotionally and/or mentally, we become ‘dependant and hooked on’ this plotline unfolding before our eyes, as it is a mixture of severe highs and lows. While experiencing the lows we very much desperately crave the highs. This does become a drug of sorts.

Making it work becomes more essential rather than whether or not it is right for us. Hence, that is why it is the love we wished was right.

Lesson: You must not make such great compromises with yourself in order to sustain something you do not yet see is unhealthy. 

Third time’s the charm?: The Love that Lasts

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert A. Heinlein

This kind of love comes after the exhaustion of the ones mentioned above. Therefore, we do not believe it to be possible, nor do we ‘see it coming’. As we have never planned for it, or maybe not even ‘dreamed of it’, it catches us off guard.

Furthermore, there are no expectations at hand which makes for the liberating feeling of having the ability to be oneself and be accepted for it. It is definitely not how we would have imagined our love to be, however, it presents to us that fact that love does not have to ‘tick’ certain boxes in order for it to be true.

No explanations needed and no dramatization: it is welcoming, caring and unapologetically true. It’s the love that just feels right.

Lesson/Reason: Experiencing what non-judgemental, healthy, true love feels like.

In conclusion, however, everything is an individual affair. Moreover, it is an individual matter when it comes to how many times one needs to repeat e certain mistake to learn their lesson, as well as at what pace those lessons arrive in life. Possibly that is due to the circumstance that we are not all on the same page of being ‘ready’- ready to truly understand what love is not before we could comprehend what it indeed is.

It is a rather philosophical matter, really. However, wherever you may find yourself on this journey, it is for a reason.

 

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9 Harsh Truths We Tend to Ignore at the Beginning of a Relationship, and Then Bitterly Regret It

They say that “love is blind” and they are probably right. We tend to ignore many things about our loved ones, even though these things scream that you need to get out of the relationship. As a consequence, we’re left trying to put a broken heart back together or we just get up one day realizing that we’ve wasted years in a pointless relationship.

This wouldn’t happen if we could tell from the very beginning where it might lead. And sometimes we can: here at Bright Side we came up with most common phrases your date could say to you that are actually signals that you should leave and never come back.

1. “I’m not over my previous relationship yet.”

It’s an honest truth, and you have to accept it and say goodbye — it’ll be better for the both of you. You probably don’t want to be an instrument for your date to forget their ex and constantly compete with them. And you will probably not be happy if they get back together.

Beyond that, it is not recommended for people to start a new relationship right after their previous one or until it’s all over, so it’s better to leave and give your partner some time to figure out their feelings.

2. They complain about all their exes.

Of course, people do get into toxic relationships sometimes, but if it happens all the time, maybe the problem actually has something to do with your date. You’ll probably end up being another “crazy ex” on their list and they will probably constantly stress you out. Do you need that in your life?

3. “I don’t think marriage makes sense.”

When someone says this, they definitely mean it and are implying that they are not going to get married, even to you. And since you’re grownups, this opinion is too hard to change, if even possible at all. If you think the same about marriage, than that’s okay. But it’s crucial to have similar opinions on this topic, so if you actually want to get married, then don’t waste your time.

4. “When I’m angry, I scream and break things. I can’t help it.”

This is a red flag phrase that should never be ignored. It means that your partner is emotionally unstable, and that plates aren’t the limit. You will get your dose of emotional and physical abuse too, even if you don’t think this will happen. Do yourself a favor and disappear the moment you hear (or notice) anything like that.

5. They admit that they could never make a relationship last.

You shouldn’t ignore this phrase, thinking it won’t happen with you. Don’t overestimate the chance you think you have to change your partner. If they say it, they mean it — and in addition, they can even say that they warned you. So if you’re looking for something that can become serious, you’re with the wrong person.

6. They don’t see anything wrong with being late.

When someone is late, they usually apologize for it, no matter how late they are. If your partner doesn’t see anything wrong with it, this is a bad sign. It means that they lack respect for your time, and there is a great probability that they will be selfish and have a tendency to devalue everything about other people. Take note, and find someone who will value you and your time.

7. They admit that relationships aren’t their main focus all the time.

Of course, for some people a career might be their biggest priority, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, if your date says something like this on the spot without any context, it implies that your date wants to keep things easy. It’s a phrase to let you know that your partner isn’t going to put much effort into your relationship, so just take it as it is and decide if that’s what you want and need.

8. “A man/woman should…”

If your partner talks about their expectations, that means that they expect you to follow them in order to keep up the relationship. If you don’t share these standards, but decide to get into this relationship anyways, it will lead to a lot of stress and tension, so you’re probably better off ending it before it even starts.

9. “You don’t need someone like me.”

No, this not a challenge to prove that your date is wrong. People who are not confident always play the victim, and if you get into this game your whole relationship will turn into you constantly convincing your partner they are great and that they are worth you having to deal with infinite jealousy. In case it’s more like a confident, “Don’t fall in love with me,” you’re most likely dealing with a player. And we are not sure which one of these types is worse.

Sometimes it can also be a polite way to say that it’s your partner who doesn’t need anyone like you. Whatever the case may be, it’s just better to leave in order to not torture either of you.

Which phrases would you add to the list? Do you have your own personal red flag phrases? Let us know in the comments.

 

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5 Bits Of Body Language Guys Don’t Notice

I’m not being a male apologist when I say that men are worse at noticing fine details than women. Hey, it’s scientific. Men have worse peripheral vision, and they rely slightly less on body language (or at least read different types of body language) than their female counterparts. As a result, we’ll often make a big social faux pas because we simply didn’t read the signals right.

Here’s a look at some common pieces of body language that guys miss.

1. “Let’s Take Off” Signals

You know how, sometimes, you want to get out of a conversation or leave a party, so you try to send a subtle signal to your significant other? Unless he’s James Bond, he’s unlikely to notice that you’re gripping your purse or gradually moving toward the door.

When guys aren’t bored, they’re often not on the lookout for signs that you are. They’ll assume that you’ll just say something to them if you want to take off.

2. Boredom Signals

Likewise, guys will often miss signals that the very person they’re talking to is bored as hell. We’ll completely blow it off when a person begins to rest her head on her hands or starts looking around the room in mid-conversation for an exit or a machete. We’ll assume that you’re loving the long-ass story about the time our grandmother bought pinto beans from a Flemish barber, unless you actually tell us that you couldn’t care less.

3. The Smaller Signs of Anger

If a person’s fuming, we’ll certainly catch those signals, but the subtler signs of anger whiz right by us. Whether you let your mouth gape open when we stared at the waitress’s breasts, I mean “necklace,” or avoided eye contact all night, we’ll think everything’s fine. This leads many women to assume that guys are idiots—this is not the case. We’re just really dense when it comes to picking up subtle anger signals.

4. Body Language Combined With Speech

We can really get thrown off when women use body language combined with speech to indicate something like sarcasm. Women are often completely unaware that they use body language in this way, but often a much bigger signal is sent with the body than with actual spoken words.

This can lead to some tough situations, as guys will take words at face value, without checking out the subtext. When you’re trying to get across an important point, it’s important to actually say what you mean, or a guy might assume otherwise.

5. Flirting Signals

By far, the most often missed body signals sent by a woman are flirting signals. You’ve undoubtedly noticed from time to time that guys practically need women to grab their genitals in order to realize that there’s some interest there.

Ultimately, it’s we guys who pay the biggest price for missing the flirting signals. Until a guy gets good at noticing the casual body touches and eye contact, he’ll spend his whole life hitting himself in the face at random times during the day and going, “Oh crap! Molly Smith was totally into me in the 8th grade!”

Have you ever been in a situation where missed body language cues led to disaster? Post in the comments below.

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25 Signs You’re Not Actually Dating

Remember when you were in high school and college and dating really just meant “hanging out”? Once you reach a certain age—ahem, 21, when you can legally go out to a restaurant and order a bottle of wine—the definition of dating becomes much, much simpler. In order to be dating someone, you need to be going out on dates, among other things.

After the jump, 25 signs you’re not actually dating.

1. You’ve never hung out before 10 p.m.
2. All of your plans arise out of spontaneous run-ins.
3. He’s married or has a girlfriend.
4. You’ve been out more than five times, but have never had a meal together—it’s been all liquid.
5. You don’t know his last name—let alone his middle!—or where he lives.
6. You’ve gone out more than five times and haven’t so much as held hands or kissed. (You’re just friends, homie. Or he’s Amish.)
7. You’ve only hung out in a group in public; the only alone time you have is in bed.
8. You have to make all attempts at contact—except those late-night booty calls.
9. You’re sleeping together, but he’s never slept over.
10. You haven’t had brunch the next day.
11. You’ve been “hanging out” for a month but have never done so in the light of day.
12. If you meet his friends, they have no reaction to hearing your name.
13. You meet up places—he never officially makes plans, like, “Are you free Saturday to see ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’?”
14. It’s been less than a week since you began seeing him.
15. It’s been more than a week since you’ve heard from him.
16. When he sleeps over, he always sneaks out in the morning without saying goodbye.
17. You only communicate through text messages and email.
18. In fact, you met online and all of your “dates” have been via Skype!
19. He leaves a $100 bill on your nightstand before he takes off.
20. Your friends refer to him as a nickname instead of his real name.
21. When you ask him to hang, he says he can’t because he’s got a date.
22. His concern over you having the flu only extends to his inability to get laid, not to your physical well-being.
23. When you go out for drinks, you always go dutch. Literally, you don’t even switch off buying rounds.
24. It’s been a month and he doesn’t know how you like your coffee.
25. He is having dinner, buying drinks, sleeping over, and making plans with someone—it’s just not you. If he’s “dating” someone else in a way that’s above and beyond the way he’s dating you, you’re not actually dating, sister.

 

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‘FORWARD FOLLOWING’ IS THE DATING TREND THAT COULD MAJORLY EMBARRASS YOU

Forget houseplanting, paperclipping and even ghosting; there is now an even more awkward dating trend to navigate. While we’ve probably all experienced (or committed) it numerous times over the last few years, it has never had a name. Well, today it gets one: ‘forward following’.

Even though it sounds like some fluffy Facebook fantasy, ‘forward following’ can be quite annoying and – in some cases – disturbing. Intrigued? Here’s what it is.

‘Forward following’ is when you prematurely follow a dating app match on Instagram, without knowing where things are going with that person. A controversial move, which some argue moves things along quicker, and which others say looks desperate.

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Still can’t get your head around it? Imagine you flirt with someone on Tinder, think you’ve hit it off, follow them on Instagram… only to never hear from them again.

Awkward is right.

As (self-inflicted) victims of ‘forward following’, we sought the advice of Dr Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist, relationship expert and host of the podcast Sex & Life to better understand our premature desire to be amigos.

So: why do people add each other on Instagram when they’ve only just matched on Tinder? Here’s what Nikki has to say: “It’s so much easier to investigate online who someone is.”

However, just because “it’s one of those tempting things” that doesn’t make it the right thing to do, Nikki says, reminding us “what we need to factor these days is that we all project a false reality [on social media].”

For this reason, Nikki says, “I don’t like the add on Instagram when you’re on [dating] apps… You might get to know someone based on a perception that’s not who they really are.”

The solution? “Don’t add them on social media; get to know them and when you’re on a date then add them on social media,” Nikki says. And “if it goes wrong – just defriend them.”

“We’re all so scared of the defriend button, but if things didn’t go ok on the date you can still follow them (or not): it’s all up to you.”

“If it feels weird, don’t be scared to defriend them,” Nikki continues. “Your social media is your personal space. Ask yourself: ‘would you have that person over for drinks?’ No? Ok, well: you have a choice as to who comes into your virtual home as well.”

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“Don’t be scared to defriend them unless you were potentially thinking you might want to date or hook up with them later on (in which case you might not defriend them).”

“But if not; what’s the harm in blocking them out of your life, because otherwise you’ll probably leave him or her there and your [future] new partners will say, ‘hang on a second, look who you’re following…’” Nikki finishes.

Even better: you won’t end up publically advertising all your unrequited loves; a true win win…

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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12 Things Guys Shouldn’t Text to the Woman They Love

Texting Through Romantic Relationships

It’s true, we are obsessed with our phones. It used to be we talked on phones, but now they are instruments of impersonal communication via texting. It’s sad that relationships hang on this type of interaction. Today I present some advice to you guys about what not to text to the woman you love. In general, women tend to be more sensitive about the following issues; and in general, men tend not to be concerned with some of them. These are not blanket statements because of course there are plenty of exceptions.

The best relationships come from direct, face to face, voice to voice communication. It’s called talking, being together. You can’t hold hands through your device. If you and your honey are texters, whether dating, courting, or married, don’t step on these texting minefields.

1. Birthday and Anniversary Greetings

If your gal (or anyone else for that matter) is having a birthday, sending her a text with a simple Happy Birthday is so impersonal you might as well be sending it to your accountant or mailman. Even worse is Happy Anniversary. She is going to have hurt feelings and probably give you a piece of her mind. Is it too much to ask to take time out of your busy life to buy a card? Or to express yourself in a way that reaches her preferred love language? There are some very romantic men out there who are good at such things, and plenty who are clueless or clumsy with it. Regardless, texting those sentiments are tacky.

2. Declaring Your First “I Love You”

Saying ‘I love you’ for the first time is a huge deal. Sending it in a text is just wrong, lazy, hollow, and inconsiderate. She wants to see the light of tenderness in your eyes and you should want to look into hers. If you think that’s unnecessary, your love is questionable. True love does not hide behind a screen.

3. Marriage Proposals

“Will you marry me?” If you know what’s good for you, and more importantly, what’s good for your girlfriend, and your relationship, don’t pop this question in a text. You are sure to get a “no” and an ear full of rebukes. Besides, why would you not prefer to look into her eyes, and slip that ring on her finger in person? You may think, Well I can do that the next time I see her. But it is not likely you’ll see her again if you pull that little stunt. Texting is impersonal. If you can’t propose in person, you are not ready for marriage.

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4. Arguments

Your girlfriend may want to argue with you as much as you do her in text form, but it’s a minefield fraught with danger. Why?

First, because when you are not together face to face you can’t hear the tone of voice, see the facial expression, or see their body language; thus it is easy for you both to misunderstand each other.

Secondly, it’s easier to say unkind things that you wouldn’t say in person. Your inhibitions are freer; Hiding behind your phone screen and issuing harsh words is cowardly.

Thirdly, text arguing involves a lot of time. You may take short cuts in the exchange because you tire out and won’t be thorough in your thoughts.

5. Breaking Up

Texting a break up is the best example of cowardice I can think of. When you want to break up your relationship (this applies to her too), it’s tempting to be calloused and not care how it affects her if there has been bitter discord between you. But this is about being a mature adult. Doing the hard things in life shows strength and character. Lowering the boom on someone with no personal interaction is going to make it easier for you but harder for her. If the relationship has been full of toxicity on one or both sides and will trigger a lot of hurtful drama, a text may be the answer after all but write it at a time when you are calm and can carefully construct it.

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The interesting thing about text is that, as a medium, it separates you from the person you are speaking with, so you can act differently from how you would in person or even on the phone.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

6. Giving Bad News

Perhaps you hear that her best friend was in an accident and died. Should you text her the news? Heavens no! Bad news to the one you love requires you to be there to comfort them with your warm embrace and words of solace. Give her the news in person. Here are some examples of bad news not to give on a text:

• Death of a loved one
• A serious health diagnosis
• Loss of your job
• A serious accident
• A crime committed by someone you both know or being a victim
• Anything that would be a gross disappointment or tragedy

You can surely think of more.

Don’t text bad news. | Source

7. Apologies

Gutless! Text apologies are once again, impersonal. It says you are not courageous or respectful enough to face her in humility. It may feel safer and easier for you, but it may cause her to doubt your sincerity. Not only that, but it robs you both of a chance to have a real heart to heart, to talk things out and clear up any misunderstandings. You can’t kiss or hug and make up through an electronic device.

8. Sexting

I don’t know many people do this. In fact, none that I’m aware of, but few people share that kind of information. Aside from the immorality of it, and not honoring your and your lady’s body, you also run the risk of it getting into the wrong hands and a big, humiliating mess for both of you. People drop or forget their phones in public places; in someone else’s home; in a place where children or teenagers can get to it.

This would include nude photos. Requesting her to send such photos is degrading her and if it gets into the wrong hands there could be dire consequences. It’s the same if you send her photos of yourself. Respect and honor her and your relationship.

9. Texting and Online Activity While You Are With Her

It is downright rude and boorish to text while with someone. It’s likely the one you love is doing the same thing because that is 21st-century life (that doesn’t make it right or healthy). How can you enjoy one another’s company if your texting others, scrolling social media, or checking the football scores? How can you get to know each other better if you’re on your phone? How do you sustain a relationship if you talk very little? How can you express your interest and love for one another while ignoring each other?

Make changes and encourage your love to put away her phone so you can enjoy each other. Today, many romantic relationships consist of texting and sex. This is shallow, dishonorable, and robbing you both of the delights of a true love relationship.

Don’t text when you’re together. | Source

10. Gloating About How Much Fun You’re Having Without Her

It’s not wrong for either of you to be with friends while the other is not there. In fact, it’s healthy. If you like to go to the gym with a friend to work out, or she likes to go shopping with her friend, there is nothing wrong with that. But there are times when your time with friends can make her feel left out and that you enjoy the company of others more than her. Gloating through texts about the fun you’re having without her, especially multiple times in a time frame (including photos) is hurtful. Here are some scenarios that would apply:

1. Going to parties and family events without her.
2. The habit of spending and demanding more time with the guys.
3. Telling her outright you prefer the company of others more than her.
4. Trying to make her jealous by talking about the other women (or taking photos) in your company.
5. Accusing her of trying to spoil your fun.

Attitude and intentions are the defining factors. Are you deliberately cutting her out because you find your friends’ company more fun? Are you mad at her and want to get back at her? Do you demand your right to go wherever you want with whomever you want, whenever you want and indicate she is unwelcome? Do you enjoy texting her these things? If so, you will lose her eventually and rightly so.

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11. Jealous Accusations

Unjustified jealous texts can be made by both men and women, but this article is for men. If your girlfriend or wife is out shopping or having lunch with girlfriends, working extra hours, don’t spoil her day by texting her your suspicions she is cheating or flirting; it will damage your relationship. If she’s never given you a concrete reason to believe she’s been unfaithful then it is your insecurity you need to address.

12. Cancelling Last Minute

Emergencies and urgent matters crop up from time to time and we have to cancel something at the last minute. Happens to everyone from time to time. Calling to cancel is best but texting suffices.

The wimp-out is when you’ve canceled in a text after she’s been waiting and ready to go and do it flippantly with no real reason, or you tell her you decided to do something else instead. Boo! Not nice.

Two Set of Keys

You may have caught onto the keywords reflecting the attitude and the heart of the person who sends the kind of texts listed above.

• Insensitive
• Cowardly
• Impersonal
• Shallow
• Lazy
• Hollow
• Rude
• Boorish
• Inconsiderate
• Hiding
• Hurt feelings
• Degrading
• Dire consequences
• Risk
• Humiliation
• Danger
• Immoral
• Robbing
• Dishonorable
• Jealousy
• Demanding
• Criticism
• Wimp-out

It’s never too late to learn and apply better communication skills. Here is a list of things guys should incorporate into their texts:

• Honor
• Love
• Respect
• Affirmation
• Value
• Humility
• Delight
• Personal
• Tenderness
• Touch
• Personal
• Comfort
• Voice
• Body language
• Embrace
• Face to face
• Being a Man

Hopefully, the message here is loud and clear. Shun the negatives and embrace the positives and you will only gain more blessings in your relationship and develop integrity and a kind and sensitive heart.

What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger.

— Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously, I’m Kidding

One helpful tool is to put yourself in her place. Ask yourself how you would feel if she did the same things. I know some men would take no offense at a text “Happy Anniversary,” or hearing the first “I love you,” but would be hurt by some of the other things on the list. True love wants and gives the very best.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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