Celebrity Sightings: Sara Martins – I Fell In Love With This Actress

“I would watch anything this lovely woman would star in.”

This series is so popular! Please tell me why you love it so much. I can’t believe the traffic i get for Sara. Granted, I love her too but I am blown away about how much you all love her. tell me what other actors I should write about to get this kind of response!

Tell me who else i should write about!!!

I love British television shows. I started watching Death in Paradise on Netflix. It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with this lovely actress. So I thought I’d showcase her here today.

Sara Martins (born 19 August 1977) is a Portuguese actress of Cape-Verdean descent.[1] She is known in France for her roles on television and in film and theatre.[2] She appeared as Detective Sergeant Camille Bordey in the joint British-French crime comedy-drama Death in Paradise, filmed in Guadeloupe, a French overseas department. She left the show halfway through series 4 (January 2015).

Martins was born in Faro, Portugal, and is of Cape Verdean descent.[3] She moved to France at the age of three.[4] She studied ballet in her youth and was the first person of African descent to join the Lyon Opera. She learned that she would be unable to advance to the Paris Opera, where the corps was expected to look alike and there were no other black dancers. Instead, she received her Baccalauréat with a theater option.[4] After receiving a DEUG in law,[4] at age 20 she studied at Ecole de théâtre Les Enfants Terribles in Paris.[5] Then, she completed an acting degree at the extremely selective French National Academy of Dramatic Arts.[1][4] She is fluent in Portuguese, French, and English.[6]

Early work

Shortly after graduating from high school, Martins was hired by Roger Planchon for a local production of Le Radeau de la Méduse at the Théâtre National Populaire in Villeurbanne.[4] She appeared in a play at the Young Vic in London called Le Costume (The Suit) and in a French-language production of David Mamet’s Race.[6]

Martins’ television debut was in 2001, in the French police series Police District.[1] She appeared in the series Pigalle, la nuit as Fleur. While filming Death in Paradise, Martins worked on the French TV crime series Détectives as Nora Abadie. [6]

Image result for sara martins legs

Death in Paradise

In April 2011, BBC One announced that Martins would star in the crime comedy-drama Death in Paradise, co-produced with France Télévisions.[7] The series was Martins’ debut in both comedy and on British television.[8] Martins did have experience playing a cop.[9] Death in Paradise premiered on 25 October 2011. Martins played Camille Bordey, a detective sergeant on the fictional Caribbean island of Saint-Marie. Camille and other local officers help British Detective Inspector Richard Poole (played by Ben Miller in seasons 1 and 2) solve murders. During a stunt for a first-season episode, Martins tore her achilles tendon.[8] She has said that during the production of Death in Paradise she discovered that some of her mannerisms are distinctly French.[10]

Season 3 killed off Inspector Poole in the first episode and he was replaced by another British Detective Inspector, Humphrey Goodman (played by Kris Marshall). The fourth episode of season 4, “Until Death Do You Part“, was Martins’ last; her character was written out as moving to Paris. Of her departure from the show, she is quoted as saying: “I’ve loved everything about the show. But the only way to grow in life is to take risks, even if it means losing something you love, or leaving a place that’s comfortable”.[11]

Selected filmography

Year Title Role Notes
2002 Les Amateurs (Amateurs) Maya Feature Film
Merguez, panini, kebab, jambon-beurre Short Film
2004 ne quittez pas! (Local Call) Feature Film
Dans tes rêves Feature Film
2006 Tell No One L’amie de Bruno Feature Film
Beyond the Ocean Olga
Paris, je t’aime Sara Feature Film
Girlfriends Shaheen Feature Film
J’invente rien Feature Film
Fragile(s) (By the Way) Sara Feature Film
2007 Rumeurs, commérages, on dit que Short Film
La Solution Short Film
2008 l”Heure d’été (Summer Hours) Press agent Feature Film
Après l’océan Olga Feature Film
Orpailleur (Garimpeiro, The Gold Forest) Yann Feature Film
2009 Mensch Helena Feature Film
2010 Les Petits Mouchoirs (Little White Lies) Marie’s girlfriend Feature Film
Last Blood Short Film
Non Compliant Profile Short Film
The Marquis Feature Film
2013 Une Ideé en l’air (Just an Idea) Short Film

Image result for sara martins legs

Television

Year Title Role Notes
2001 & 2003 Police district Julie season 1 and 3
2001 Maigret Jojo season 10: episode 2
2003 Par amour Maria TV movie
2005 Disparition Karine TV movie
Le Proc Virginie Desplat season 2: episode 3
2006 Les Tricheurs Sophie season 1: episode 1; season 2: episode 1, season 3: episode 1
Les bleus: premiers pas dans la police Mathilde Forestier season 1: episode 1
Les Secrets du volcan Jasmine Mahé season 1: 4 episodes
2006–07 P.J. (C.I.D.) Estelle seasons 10–12: 9 episodes
2007 Merci, les enfants vont bien! Jeanne season 4: episodes 1, 2, 3, 4
2008 La Veuve tatouée Sylvie TV movie
Les tricheurs Sophie Devailly season 1: episode 1, season 2: episode 1, season 3: episode 1
2009 Pigalle, la nuit Fleur season 1: 8 episodes (as regular)
2011 Caïn Barbara Simon season 1: episode 2
Signature Hélène season 1: episodes 1, 3, 4, 5, 6
Insoupçonnable Julie TV movie
2013–14 Détectives Nora Abadie seasons 1–2: 16 episodes (as regular)
2011–15 Death in Paradise Camille Bordey seasons 1–4: 28 episodes (as regular)
2015 American Odyssey Serena season 1: episodes 5, 6, 11
The law of Alexandre Sonia Dubois season 2: episode 1
2017 Capitaine Marleau Irène Ruff season 2: episodes 3
2018 Father Brown Lisandra Flambeau Episode 6.10 “The Two Deaths of Hercule Flambeau”

Image result for sara martins legs

LOVE HER!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Instagram: @phicklephilly Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – 8 Things You and Your Partner Should Know About Love

Relationships are incredible acts of love that require work, compassion, and commitment in order to succeed.

With divorce rates at their highest levels, however, the reality is that many people take big steps in relationships without knowing what awaits them.

Once the honeymoon’s over, they have to get back to reality and move on with their lives.

In a lot of cases, you have to learn to face difficulties with your partner. It’s also possible that the marriage will reach a breaking point if things don’t go well.

If you’ve just taken this big step in life or are about to do so, remember the following things that you should talk about honestly with your partner before you get married.

1. The flame of love doesn’t always burn like it did on day 1

How many people give up on their marriage because they feel like the spark is fading?

It might be hard to imagine that the feeling you’re experiencing now could ever go away, but you’ll have to find out for yourself what the true meaning of love is.

It’s not always a romantic movie with a happy ending. You have to be prepared to go through some difficult stages. You both need to understand that even if the flame shines a little less brightly, it doesn’t mean that your marriage is a failure.

2. Love grows in different ways

You don’t necessarily have to be infatuated with someone to know that you’re in love and have a successful marriage. True love requires time and effort.

It needs a lot of care for it to blossom. You might be one of those people who think that there are only two extremes: to love or not to love. However, this ignores the stages that are in the middle.

Let your marriage run its course and don’t over-analyze the bumps in the road. They will only make you wonder if you love your partner enough.

3. The attraction won’t always be there

It’s safe to assume that you won’t always feel physically attracted to your partner. While attraction is considered very important in our image-conscious society, it’s important to remember that even when you’re with someone who you’re very attracted to, the relationship doesn’t always last.

This can cause phases of doubt when you question whether or not you still love your partner. Questioning your relationship when attraction has changed is normal, and you should be able to talk with your partner honestly about it.

4. You have to show love even when you don’t want to

Things aren’t always going to go great. For this reason, it’s easy to act almost like a child when your partner has hurt you.

When you’re in such situations, your feelings of love may decline and you might be reluctant to show affection.

For a marriage to survive, however, it’s important that you learn to swallow your pride and show your love, even when you don’t want to. Small, petty acts can cause resentment to grow in both yourself and your partner.

After an argument, try having a cup of tea or coffee and talking honestly with your partner.

5. Married life is a journey

You might feel like you’ve already achieved the ultimate goal with your partner, but married life is difficult and you need help in order to grow and thrive, both as a couple and as an individual.

There will be difficult times that seem orchestrated to erase all emotions from you both. Use these emotions to build your relationship up and not to tear it down.

If you can do this, you’ll reap the fruits that marriage has to offer. When you decide to talk honestly with your partner, you might both discover a lot of ways that you can grow together.

6. Having children causes strain in a marriage

Everyone knows that having children is a wonderful phase in life, but at the same time it’s very hard on a marriage. It’s possible that even if you have the best of marriages you’ll suffer from some tension after having kids.

This is why it’s important to talk about when you think it will be a good idea to have children. Don’t set aside your marriage during this time.

Take your time and strive to enjoy the moments that you can spend together.

7. Physical love requires an emotional connection

Sexual activity in a couple is a vital way to show that you love and appreciate each other. It’s about learning to give and receive in a loving way, and not a method to gain power, security, or validation.

If the connection is based on feelings, your sex life is less likely to decline during the marriage. Over time, your sex life will change, and this is normal.

Remember to talk with your partner and be open and respectful to what you both feel and want.

8. Marriage can’t survive without communication

Talking with your partner will allow you both to enjoy a successful marriage. Repressing secrets and emotions only causes pain and results in the destruction of the relationship.

Share your feelings and emotions with your partner in a constructive way. This will make both of you happier. The tensions in your marriage will be released and you’ll have honesty to buoy you along.

Things aren’t always going to be easy. That’s why you need to work with your partner to get through the difficult times.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Cherie – Chapter 24 – Under The Hood

“You can tell the difference from a woman fulfilling an obligation, and a woman who loves you.”

Cherie rolls into town around 8:30 on a Friday.  She looks beautiful. She’s not wearing her glasses, and her hair is all soft black ribbons. I meet her at Suburban Station, and off we go. This has been how it’s transpired for the last few months. She’s still working at Children’s Hospital as a Medical Assistant, and going to school at Temple for neuroscience, but I don’t think she’s at the pediatrician’s office anymore. The hours were killing her.

We’re both exhausted. Her with work and school, and me working two jobs now. The Institute and the tanning salon. She’s happy to be in my bedroom and I’m glad she’s here too. I’ve missed her, and she’s looking especially hot tonight.

We kick off our shoes and lie on the bed. A bit of small talk ensues and then the kissing. Her lips are so soft.

I love her.

I basically strip her. I like undressing Cherie. It’s like I’m taking control of her. She likes it, and I’m gentle with her. Sometimes I wish phicklephilly were a sex blog, because I like writing about sexual things. But I think it changes the integrity of the blog. I’ll leave it to your imagination. Of course 50 shades of grey sold a shit ton of copies, so sex sells. But I just don’t want to do that here. I could try it in a tasteful way. But how does one do that? (I’d appreciate the opinion of a few of my writer followers out there!)

Our sex is fire. It’s the best I’ve ever had. Cherie is a sexual dynamo. A nymphomaniac who just loves sex. And I’m up to the challenge whenever she needs it, as much as she needs it. We’re both pleasers. So think about what that’s like. We’re always giving to each other and loving the entire process.

Cherie loves when I go down on her. She can tell how much I enjoy it, because I do it for as long as she can stand it, and with great enthusiasm. She had a root canal this week and was only worried that she wouldn’t be able to please me orally the way she likes to. She just doesn’t just do it to give me pleasure, she truly loves doing it. You can tell the difference from a woman fulfilling an obligation, and a woman who loves you. She’s a wonderful woman. A girl who is super chill on the street, but a tigeress in the sheets.

So we frolicked until midnight, and then passed out. I don’t know who woke who up three hours later, but we did some more then.  Back to sleep, and then one more in the morning. I love morning sex. I’m refreshed, and it’s light so I can see her. Men are visual animals. It’s hotter if I can see my quarry.

At least I got some sleep in between, because Cherie was able to stick around a bit longer on Saturday. Normally she has to leave and get back home to her house. So we’re able to just lay in bed together for a while in the morning, which I love. At some point our stomachs are grumbling, and we decide to get up. We discuss breakfast/brunch options and decide on Devil’s Alley.

As I’ve written before, Devil’s Alley has the best dry rub wings. So we start our day off with a plate of them. Wings! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast. From there I move onto the scrambled eggs and bacon, and Cherie goes with the bagels and lox. I love my breakfast, but Midtown Diner and Little Pete’s is still better when it comes to breakfast food. I always eat like a wolf after a night with Cherie.

After breakfast we walk a bit. I just like to walk after a meal. We get to the other side of Broad street and I call an UBER. Guy goes right by us, and then cancels. I summon a second car. He arrives shortly after. I tell him we’re going to the UA Riverview movie theater on Columbus Blvd.  He’s a little chatty, and I’m not in the mood for it. We’re driving along and the guy ends up getting on 95 south. He realizes the error too late. I watch as we drive past the movie theater in the distance. I point to it to show Cherie how we’re now heading away from the theater. Maybe there are movies playing down at the airport.

He finally gets turned around, and gets us there on time.  We go in, and I tell the girl at the window that I want two tickets for the 1:40 show of XXX: The Return of Xander Cage. She tells me that show is in an IMAX theater. I’m good with that. She hands me two pair of 3D glasses. The tickets are expensive. It was close to forty bucks, but baby’s worth it. She never wants anything from me, and gives me amazing love, so I’m happy to spend money on her.

We go up to the escalator to the second floor, and when we get up there we look for the door to get into the theater. We run into a staff member and he directs us to an elevator to take us up to the top.

It’s a beautiful space. The screen is gigantic. We find a pair of seats in the back, and pop our glasses on. It’s the trailer for another Pirates of the Caribbean movie. It looks fantastic in 3 D! This is going to be really good.

The movie starts and it is your typical action picture. Car chases, gun fights and crazy stunts. But seeing it on a giant immersion screen and in 3D, it’s an absolute pleasure. The visuals are striking and the sound is incredible. The place is nearly empty so if feels like the show is just for us. I can see Cherie is loving it and so am I.

After the movie, we stroll northward towards center city. I’m watching the clock, because she wants to catch a 5:30 train. I’m lost in our conversation, and realize I better call an UBER because I forgot that she left her backpack back at my apartment. I summon one, and once we’re in it, the driver gets confused and has to double back to get us back to my house. We finally get there, and now she won’t make her train. She’s totally cool about it but I’m kind of pissed about our UBER fails today. She decides to call one to take her home, because she missed her train.

We go outside and wait across the street. Of course this guy gets lost and ends up looking for us a block away. I’m losing my patience with all of this, and I get on the phone with the guy. He doesn’t understand, and abandons the ride. We get another guy on the phone and walk down to 17th street to wait on the corner. He finally arrives and seems normal. I give Cherie $30 towards the ride. She refuses it at first but I press. She reluctantly takes the money. I kiss her good-bye and tell the driver he is carrying precious cargo. She tells me she’ll text me when she reaches her destination.

I watch as the car merges into traffic and disappears up the street. I’m relieved our UBER fails are over and that I got to spend twenty lovely hours with my girl.

Later I’m at peace alone at the batcave, sipping a vodka club, smoking a cig, and chatting on the phone with my sister.

Bliss!

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                  Facebook: phicklephilly

 

Dating and Relationship Advice – 7 Actions It’s Better to Avoid When Fighting With a Loved One

It’s so easy to hurt a person with a word or an action during a fight. The resentment can linger for much longer after the fight is over, ruining the relationship.

We chose 7 things you should never ever do while fighting with your loved ones.

7. Don’t include other family members in your fights.

7 Actions It’s Better to Avoid When Fighting With a Loved One

Your fight concerns only the 2 of you and no one else. By drawing your parents into the conflict you risk turning a regular fallout into a real family mess. Even if harmony returns to your relationship, the other members of the family will most likely remember everything and will use that against you or your partner when given a chance.

 

6. Avoid violence.

7 Actions It’s Better to Avoid When Fighting With a Loved One

While fighting, people tend to show the worst sides of their character. Some, trying to prove themselves right, resort to violence. Don’t allow yourself or your partner to use violence, no matter how angry you might be with each other. The physical pain caused by a loved one will kill all the feelings that once bound you.

 

5. Don’t mix it all up.

7 Actions It’s Better to Avoid When Fighting With a Loved One

If the main cause of the fight is a pile of unwashed dishes, then let it stay that way. Do not remind your partner of all their prior wrongdoings — this is a way to turn a minor domestic issue into a big ugly conflict. In addition, your partner may have a logical question: do I need to continue a relationship in which there are so many demands?

 

4. Never ever talk about a divorce.

7 Actions It’s Better to Avoid When Fighting With a Loved One

When you say “Let’s divorce” during a fight, this can become the biggest insult ever. These words may hurt the feelings of your partner really badly. And the more often you say them, the faster the divorce will actually occur. If you love each other, never talk about parting.

 

3. Never leave the house in the middle of a fight.

7 Actions It’s Better to Avoid When Fighting With a Loved One

Simply leaving the house during a fight will only show how uncomfortable you feel staying under the same roof as your partner. Slamming the doors, running into the darkness, leaving the conflict unresolved — this all will make your partner think twice about your level of maturity. It’s way better to wait until you both calm down, and then you can discuss everything as adults.

 

2. Do not go to bed separately.

7 Actions It’s Better to Avoid When Fighting With a Loved One

By going to sleep separately, you show that you are not ready to make up. The daily routine, such as going to bed together, will ease the atmosphere and quickly resolve the conflict. You may end up lying back to back at first, but in the morning you will wake up in each other’s arms without the tiniest hint of last night’s fight.

 

1. Never fight in public.

7 Actions It’s Better to Avoid When Fighting With a Loved One

If you allow yourself and your partner to fight in a public place then, most likely, you do not respect each other or the surrounding people. Do not take skeletons out of your closet in public. It’s way better to talk about your issues at home.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – Smell Me Again: The 5 Best Men’s Colognes That Make Women Go Wild

Love the old natural manly smell? Well, as much as a lot of women are turned on by a sweaty well-built guy, there’s nothing worse than smelling like you have been working in a barn all day during an important meeting or a date.

 

NUMBER 5 BY HUGO BOSS

While the Boss brand might be an old timer in the fragrance business, it still stands out as the ultimate gentleman’s fragrance, and this brand gives out their unique, young and vibrant edge. Boss NO.6 is sweet, with a masculine scent. Perfect for dinner dates and nights out, it’s tame and not all overpowering. If you get close enough to a woman, then you’ll probably understand why Hugo Boss made this fragrance. If you are looking to be associated with class or sparking some midnight romance, then you need to consider this fragrance. This perfume can be purchased at Amazon for $35.

 

4.JEAN PAUL GAULTIER

 

Love a unique scent? Well, nothing gets more unique than Jean Paul Gaultier. This cologne has been designed with aromas that contrast, and the end result is a unique fragrance that will definitely get you some action on the first date (it depends on how ready you are). But on a serious note, you might never get luckier than this with a fragrance. This fragrance was designed for the boy who is bold enough to stand out in front of men, and according to Men’s Fitness, this scent is guaranteed to make women go crazy. Its contrasting flavors of mint, warm vibes, and bittersweet aromas will make even the average man standout.

 

3.ISSEY MIYAKE

Want to have a casual date? Looking for a hookup, or just an outing to impress? Well, you better be wearing Issey Miyake. This fragrance’s first impression is a clear mix of citrus scents, with a subtle woodsy undertone in the background, making it the perfect blend for a manly scent. It’s clean and refreshing, something that will definitely appeal to the lucky lady. It’s often hard to get something that you could wear at work and still try out in a nightclub, however this isn’t the case with Issey Miyake. Its alluring scent and rich woodsy undertones make it a silent killer. This is the sort of cologne that will get you compliments wherever you go as its versatility is on another level. Its costs just about $40 on Amazon.

 

2.CREED AVENTUS

 

On 2016’s colognes to buy list, this fragrance was #3, and it’s for a good reason. First of all, it lasts long and has a memorable scent. This is one scent you won’t regret losing a penny over. This is the kind of cologne that get you noticed once you step into the room, and it’s all thanks to its unique fruity fragrance.

While most fragrances will have you using a gallon a day to get noticed, it’s not the case with Creed Aventus. If you are looking to get noticed, or build a signature scent around work, then you definitely need to get this product. It’s going to be hard for that lucky girl to forget you with this fragrance on.

 

1.LORIS AZZARO MEN’S CHROME

 

If you are eyeing a girl at work, then this is the fragrance to go buy. It was designed for the office setting. This fragrance smells expensive, and no offense to the ladies, but you know how they like expensive things. If you are looking to fetch a few compliments at work, then you need to get this cologne. It’s really bad if you are the guy at the office that everyone avoids because of the farm animal smell you give off, but with Loris Azzaro Men’s Chrome, everyone will be fighting for a seat next to you, and by everyone I mean the ladies. With its tangy woodsy blend, it offers the right aroma to lure any women you might be chasing.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                            Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – 15 Questions That Determine If Your Relationship Will Last, According To Science

Decisions are a part of life. At various times you may need to choose the best vacation spot, job candidate, babysitter, or place to live. Your most important decision may be figuring out your best romantic partner. Relationships matter – a lot. They have implications for your health, your reactions to stress and even how you look at the world.

But how can you determine if your current romantic partner is the best of the best for you? It’s hard to know what factors truly matter, what you should not overvalue, or what is best to ignore entirely.

This kind of assessment comes up in a variety of contexts. Consider, for example, something that may seem entirely unrelated to relationships: determining whether a baseball player qualifies for the Hall of Fame. The task requires wading through dozens and dozens of highly qualified candidates, each with various outstanding characteristics, to determine who warrants permanent enshrinement. Still, no candidate is absolutely perfect – just like finding a quality relationship partner.

So as a relationship scientist, I’ve gathered inspiration from the Hall of Fame selection process and infused some science to draw up a checklist of intangibles you can use to think about your own relationship.

Instinct adds nuance to hard numbers.

There are two general ways to make assessments: data and your gut feeling. In a sport like baseball, with a plethora of statistics, a data-based approach makes sense. But for a player to be truly Hall of Fame worthy, numbers may not tell the whole story. It should be visceral, a player should feel like a Hall of Famer. As Malcom Gladwell famously observed in his book “Blink,” snap judgments can have astounding accuracy. As a psychology professor myself, one example that always amazes me is that student assessments of a professor based on a 30-second silent video clip matches students’ evaluations based on the entire semester.

Relying on gut feelings isn’t perfect. But intuition is an important component of decisions, especially social ones. Clearly, people rely on instincts in a variety of situations such as deciding which job to take, which daycare is best, and who you should date. Trusting your own feelings is sometimes necessary because expert information is hard to access – published research articles are often locked behind paywalls – or written in a way that defies comprehension. And of course, the very nature of science and statistics is to focus on what is most typical in a population, instead of what is best for any individual.

Experts also aren’t perfect and new research shows that people have a sense of when to value non-expert opinions over experts. In fact, some experts admit to using intuition themselves. A study revealed that marriage therapists acknowledge using their intuition and consider it a valuable tool in clinical settings.

Deserving of Hall of Fame enshrinement?

Perhaps with the value of instinctive evaluation in mind, famous baseball statistician Bill James created the “Keltner List.” Named for a seven-time All-Star with borderline qualifications, the list was devised as a way to help assess a player’s Baseball Hall of Fame viability.

Even though James is a statistician, the Keltner List is intentionally non-scientific. Rather, it’s a collection of 15 questions that anyone can quickly answer to help guide an overall assessment of a player’s worthiness for the Hall of Fame. (Think: “Was he the best player on his team?”) The answers are not meant to provide a definitive conclusion, but rather to force a careful consideration of the most important information.

Back to relationships. A similar process can help you determine whether your current romantic partner belongs in your relationship Hall of Fame. Inspired by the Keltner List concept, I’ve put together a list of 15 questions to highlight what matters most. Like the Keltner List, my approach to relationship assessment is intentionally not scientific and has not been tested empirically (though that isn’t a bad idea for future research).

That said, as a relationship scientist, I couldn’t help but use science as a guide. In crafting each question, I consulted the existing research to ground it in the science of what contributes to a healthy relationship. Note that this list isn’t about helping you pick the best Tinder date, hookup or short-term fling. The questions focus on what matters for serious, long-term, committed, sustainable love. To benefit from this exercise, you need to be honest. If you’re lying to yourself, you won’t gain any insight. As computer programmers say, “garbage in, garbage out.”

A Keltner List for relationships

Consider each question and answer truthfully with a simple yes or no response:

1. Does your partner make you a better person, and do you do the same for them?

2. Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving?

3. Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are, without trying to change each other?

4. When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity?

5. Do you and your partner share decision-making, power and influence in the relationship?

6. Is your partner your best friend, and are you theirs?

7. Do you and your partner think more in terms of “we” and “us,” rather than “you” and “I”?

8. Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to social media and bank accounts?

9. Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other – without having an over inflated positive view?

10. Do your close friends, as well as your partner’s, think you have a great relationship that will stand the test of time?

11. Is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy and controlling behavior?

12. Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids (or not) and how to parent?

13. Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your own needs, desires and goals for each other (without being a doormat)?

14. Do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities?

15. Are you and your partner sexually compatible?

At this point you may be tempted to tally your responses. Remember, this isn’t about generating a score, but rather engaging in a self-guided tour through what’s important in relationships. That said, the best answer for every question is a quick, certain and unqualified “yes.”

Looking at the list, you may take issue with a question or two and think, “that’s not important.” First, I’d say that the scientific evidence begs to differ. But that’s also why there are 15 questions. More questions provide greater accuracy. While any one question may not perfectly capture your relationship, 15 different perspectives gives a fairly complete picture.

Are there different questions you could ask? Sure. More questions? No doubt, but Bill James stuck to 15 questions for his Keltner List, so I did as well.

With relationships, like selections to a Hall of Fame, there aren’t easy answers and no guarantees for what the future holds. As much as you may like a definitive scoring system where a partner with at least a 12 out of 15 is a “keeper,” that isn’t possible. Relationships are complex. Any attempt at an easy answer is inevitably an oversimplification.

Instead, consider your responses to this list as additional data points that provide new insights. Don’t stop here. When you make important decisions – like who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with! – collect as much data as possible. Consult the experts, yourself and, as Question 10 suggests, your friends. By using both your head and your heart you can make the best decision about whether your romantic partner is Hall of Fame material.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly

Dating and Relationship Advice – Is Your Relationship Failing? Here’s Why.

You Hold Grudges

Is Your Relationship Failing? Here's Why

It is important in relationships, of every kind, to learn how to let things go. If you continue to hold grudges with things that have happened and were discussed, your partner is not going to feel like they are supported or cared about. Let things go, it is the only way to move on.

 

You’re Being Too Needy

Is Your Relationship Failing? Here's Why

Loving to spend time with someone is one thing, needing them to be around you all the time in order for you to be happy is another. Neediness is not an attractive quality. The best kind of relationships occur when both people have a sense of independence.

 

You Prioritize Poorly

Is Your Relationship Failing? Here's Why

While it is important to have a life that is your own while also being in a relationship. You also need to make sure you are prioritizing your life to make sure that the other person feels the love and affection that they deserve. Make your life your own, but make them a priority.

 

You’re Paranoid

Is Your Relationship Failing? Here's Why

If you tend to be the type of person who always thinks that the worst is going to happen. Make sure that does not follow you into your relationships. If you constantly think that you partner is cheating or lying to you without any sort of proof, your relationship is destined to end.

 

You’re Trying Too Hard

Is Your Relationship Failing? Here's Why

The best kind of advice for any sort of life and relationship type of situation is to “be yourself.” If you try too hard and try to be someone who you’re not, but that maybe you think the other person wants you to be, you fake identity will show through.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly