Renegade – 1978 to 1979 – Chapter 6 – Creative Forces and Lies

The picture above was taken in a photo booth at the Roosevelt Mall in Northeast Philly on a Saturday. I don’t know why we took that photo. A sober band of guys just getting pizza and stopping at Sam Goody’s record store to pick up the Rolling Stone’s latest, Some Girls. (Which is brilliant!) I’m in the background looking stoned, Jerry looks like he has no teeth and Larry looks like a zit faced mutant with barbie doll hair (As cruel Jerry used to say)

I don’t know what the dollar bill signified. But it was a day in the life of Renegade. We were walking the mall as a band and we had swagger. We had a set list and really wanted to play somewhere. We wanted to start to gig because we were tight and ready.  I was overjoyed just to be a pert of this journey, and the guitar was coming along quickly. (natural musical ability from my mom’s side of the family and my daughter Lorelei has gotten the best of both worlds and has already eclipsed everyone with her talent.)

We got records and pizza and sodas and it was a lovely afternoon for the boys in renegade. i don’t know where Mike was. He didn’t really hang with us. I don’t remember why. Nothing bad, just different Charlie Watts life I guess.

We’re walking and we run in to my ex girlfriend Claire and some of her friends.  I’m praying I’ve had the foresight to write about Claire so you know who she is before this series comes out. But based on my track record I’ll get that done even though as I write this series. (See: Claire – 1978 – Loop Line Girl)

We run into these babes and no one has a clue. Claire and her St. Hubert Catholic school girl friends.

“Hey Claire.”

“Hey Chaz. How are you?” (She looks cute. We’re both 16 now)

“I’m good. This is my band, Renegade. Jerry and Larry this is Claire.”

“Sup?”

“So you’re really in a band now?”

Jerry and Larry look at me incredulously

“Yea. This is a real band and we play rock.”

“I knew you weren’t in a band when we were going out.”

“You did?”

“Yea, cause you were always makin out with me and never had to go to practice so i know you were full of shit the whole time.”

“Oh… sorry about that, but this is a real band. I’m making music now.”

“Yea, whatever. maybe I’ll see you in Wildwood this summer. You broke my heart.”

Jerry and Larry shuffling uncomfortably. Their singer in a tight spot. They say nothing to defend the loser.

“Well it’s real now and I’m sorry and it’s nice to see you.”

“Later”

There is an easy recovery from a moment like this when you’re 16 years old. You can make your whole life a lie to try to be something you’re not when you’re young. No one could check anything back then there was no internet. Your word was everything I knew loser dudes that built there whole lives on lies back then. I had low self-esteem and was happy this pretty girl liked me and lied to her about a dream I wished about so hard for a long time. I wanted to be a rock star so bad i lied to everyone in my early teens i was a musician and I was just a loser piece of shit.

But when it became real it felt good. I actually didn’t need claire anymore because ia had sort of arrived as an srtist , a singer and a shitty guitar player.

It didn’t matter anymore. I was eating pizza at the mall with my band. We were a real entity. It was so beautiful, nothing else mattered. The women would come.  I was changing.

The boys would leave at dusk. I would have dinner with mom and the sisters and then dry the dishes with mom over the current hits on the radio. I loved that. Me and my mom singing Fame by David Bowie.

I would return to the cellar and plug my shitty Sears guitar into Jerry’s Stage amp and Univox Super Fuzz pedal and attempt to jam by myself and write a song.

I would listen to my records relentlessly and study chord and music books nad took all of my sisters piano books that had chord formations for guitar in all of the music.

I would play for hours and decided to write some songs. Punk was big then and we used to play Blitzkrieg Bop by the Ramones and I figured if these idiots could make a record using three chords so could i.

I wrote a three chord song about a local girl named Jill who was really cute but a dick tease and called the song Get Lost.

It was a punk song and I am proud of that work because it had a thudding verse and a bright chorus like most Ramones songs. You have to understand this is a a kid who finally picked up the guitar a month ago and was now composing. He started basic.

I wanted to write a song about a waitress I was in love with in Wildwood, named Therese, so I wrote  song about her too. i loved Farrah Fawcett, so she was next. I composed a song called Bombshell for Farrah. I don’t think anybody knew what my songs were about until my next band but things were definitely evolving in Renegade. I was happy that the band was open to creativity and writing our own songs.

I presented Get Lost and the band loved its punky Ramones simplicity, and my friends loved it because they knew Jill was a sweet kissing dick teaser. I actually remembering hearing Walk this Way by Aerssmith for the very first time when I was making out with this sweet 14 year old on the steps of my friend’s house and loving the song more than her.

Larry was inspired and wrote a theme song for the band. Renegade was a punk classic. It was angry and vicious. I loved what he did even though I eventually wanted to play heavy metal not this nonsense.  I knew I wanted to make very heavy and furious music that would match with my current music tastes.

Jerry wrote a song called Running Wild. It was a plodding rock song and I really liked it. I remember my mom could hear every song we did come up through the floor boards in the kitchen. I remember she would ask me at dinner why Jerry repeated the words Running Wild so many times at the end of the song. I told her I didn’t know and that’s just how the song faded out.

The next day I expressed my mother’s question and he just shrugged it off. But later that afternoon when we played it he said it over thirty times just to drive my mom nuts. We all had a good laugh over it and I’m surprised my mother didn’t just march downstairs and yank the guitar from his hands.

I had a friend named George who would come over my house and teach me riffs on guitar. He was really good and showed me the fundamentals of basic 12 bar blues and boogie woogie chords. I really liked George. He was a good friend. In exchange for the lessons I wrote a song for him to play for a girl he’d been dating. Her name was Meghan. He was totally in love with her. He liked the song I composed and you know what? It got his V Card punched!

Rock n Roll!!!

Judas Priest was coming up. Iron Maiden was on deck. I didn’t even know about these bands but I wanted to make hard rock and heavy metal. I had a lot of frustration and sadness in my existence and if you’re not going to hurt people you make heavy music to cull your frustration and disappointment that you live with everyday.

You’re band mates disappoint you with their conservatism and how they are trapped in traditional songs and norm. You want to go forward and make furious hard music that is angry and  sounds like your frustration of your whole life. I was happy in this band but I knew I had to eventually go harder.

But at least we had a band and created something. Now to get a gig somewhere!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – How to Get Over Someone Who Cheated on You and Ways to Repair the Damage.

“This is a MUST READ for anyone who has ever been cheated on!”

 

I feel this is one of the most important posts I’ve ever written. Being betrayed in an intimate relationship is probably the worst thing that can strike down a couple. Many of us have been in this situation, and it is a searing, corrosive moment in our lives.

But I feel this must be written to help those of you have faced this horrow or are currently living through this.

I hope those who will most benefit from this advice will truly listen to my words and grow through their pain.

Having someone cheat on you isn’t a walk in the park. The real challenge is learning how to get over someone cheating on you and dealing with the emotions.

Let’s get this out-of-the-way, no one actually likes being cheated on. Even if you wanted to break up with them already, it’s always a horrible feeling to know that someone went behind your back and was dishonest with you. It takes times to know how to get over someone cheating on you and repairing the emotional damage. Now, I’ve been cheated on once. I went to teach English at a summer camp for two weeks, and he met some girl at a music festival and slept with her. He called me while I was working and told me what happened. Of course, we broke up and though I tried to play it off as no big deal, it really affected me. Did I want to marry this guy? No. Did I see him as the father of my children? No. But at that moment, he was someone I was trying to get to know and enjoying the time spent together. Here’s the thing, I didn’t try to stay with him and see if we could work it out. In my mind, I knew that it was over.

How to get over someone cheating on you. But for some people, they don’t want to leave the relationship and would rather invest the time in repairing it. Now, is this a bad decision? No. And for some couples, they work through the problems and become even stronger, but it’s a hard path to take. Either way, you’re going to be dealing with a lot of emotions and feelings about what happened. It’s not easy, but you have to do it for you.

#1 You need to make a decision.

When someone cheats on you, you need to make a decision. Are you going to stay with them or not? If you’re trying to figure out how to get over someone cheating on you, remember that for some people, the decision is easy, while for others it’s much more difficult. If you have children, your decision not only affects you, but it also affects them as well. But what’s important is that whatever you decide to do, you do it. That way, you can focus on the next steps for self-healing.

#2 Express your emotions.

I cannot emphasize this enough. No matter if you think you’re mentally strong, you need to talk to someone about what happened. Shutting up and going through the pain on your own isn’t going to work that well for you. If anything, you just bottle up all your emotions and eventually explode. Talk to the people around you that you love or talk to a therapist as they’ll be able to help you make some difficult decisions.

#3 You can’t change what happened.

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that if you only did this or you only did that, but here’s the thing, you can’t change what happened. Now, you learn from it. You need to reflect on the relationship and look at what happened, what you need to work on, and how you want your future relationships to look like.

#4 Be sad.

Listen, if you want to spend an entire weekend watching Netflix and eating ice cream, do it. If you want to lay on a beach for a week crying, do it. The point is, be sad, regardless of whether or not you stay with them. You’re angry, you feel betrayed, so let it all out. Because if you choose to stay with them, you have to move past this.

#5 Talk to your partner.

You need to talk to your partner and tell them exactly how you feel. And, I know this may be hard, but you need to let them tell you how they feel as well if you truly want to understand how to get over someone cheating on you. Communication with your partner is essential after they cheat on you, whether you stay with them or not. They need to know how their actions affected you, and you need closure with what happened.

#6 Remove them from your life.

That is if you’re choosing to break up with them. If not, then you need to see a couple’s therapist to help you work through your issues. But if you’re choosing to leave them then fully leave them. Tell them that you need space away from them and ask them to stop contacting you until you contact them. Of course, you may never want to speak to them again, and that’s totally okay. But you need to cut the cord until you grieve and mourn.

#7 Don’t rush it.

I know you want to get over this as fast as you can. But here’s the thing, you shouldn’t try to “quicken” the process because everyone is different. If you’ve been with your partner for years, you can’t expect yourself to get over them in a couple of days. This will take months and months of healing before you start to feel better. So, don’t rush it, you need to go through the process at your own pace.

#8 Stay off of their social media.

What I mean is, don’t creep them. Please, just don’t do it. I know you want to see if they’re regretting their decision and posting sad songs on Facebook. Trust me, I know, but it’s not going to help you get over them. If anything, you’ll become obsessed with seeing their statuses and photos, seeing who they’re with, but in the end, it doesn’t matter.

#9 If you choose to stay with them, define your relationship.

What type of relationship do you want you and your partner to have? Yes, you went through a rough patch, and now you both are focused on making the relationship work. So, you need to decide how you and your partner want the relationship to look and what’s missing.

#10 It’s not going get better overnight.

Whether you’re trying to make the relationship work or trying to move on, it’s not going to get better overnight. This takes time to work through these things. You will need time to learn to trust your partner again, and they need time to work through their infidelity as well.

#11 Don’t blame yourself. Listen, we all make mistakes.

So, they may have told you that you worked too much, and they weren’t getting enough attention. Did they ever express this to you? Or was their way to deal with it to find something else immediately? Don’t blame yourself, because a relationship has two people involved, not just you.

#12 Don’t necessarily listen to your friends.

Your friends don’t want to see you hurt, so they’re obviously going to try to hook you up with other people or get you to go out which isn’t a bad idea, but if you’re not ready then you’re not ready. Plus, if you choose to stay with your partner instead of breaking up, you’ll probably hear an earful from your friends. It’s not their life, it’s yours. Listen to what they have to say, but, eventually, you’re the one that will make the decision, not them.

#13 One day, this won’t bother you anymore.

It’s a strange thing, especially when someone cheats on you, but eventually, this won’t bother you anymore. I know, right now you’re thinking that you may never get over this, and it’ll haunt you until you die, but it won’t. There will be a moment when you just stop thinking about it. It just won’t come to your mind or if it does, you won’t feel anger. It’ll be a moment of your life.

Now that you know how to how to get over someone cheating on you, it’s best to really focus on yourself and repair the damage that’s been done.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 10 Conversation Starters That Make You Instantly Interesting

1.Ask for a helping hand

“Helping questions are great conversation starters because when a person helps you it forms natural bonds. When you help another person to figure what an item is on the buffet or locate the restroom, it lowers your defenses. For example, if you’re at the grocery store, ask ‘Do you know how to tell if this fruit is ripe?’ It makes you look open to learning more and will help the conversation flow naturally.” —Dawn Maslar, MS, author of Men Chase, Women Choose: The Neuroscience of Meeting, Dating, Losing Your Mind, and Finding True Love. These magic phrases can save any awkward conversation.

 

2. Compliment something other than someone’s looks

“Instead of complimenting something generic like their eyes, highlight something that shows their personality, like their purse or a book. This is simple, elegant, and great if you are interested in someone or anytime you want to boost their likability toward you for business or social reasons.” —Paul DePompo, PsyD, ABPP, psychologist.

 

3.Go simple… yet bold

“Give a genuine smile and say, ‘Hi.’ It sounds too simple but people are so used to other people staring at their phones that a simple smile and hello can be a very bold move. It shows the other person that you’ve noticed them and you’re interested in getting to know them better. And you’ll almost always get a hello back. (If you don’t, let it go. You don’t want to date a rude person anyway.)” —Suzanne Casamento, dating expert and the creator of Fantasy Dating

 

4. Ask for their honest opinion

“Asking ‘I’ve been really thinking deeply about something and wondering if I can share it, and get your feedback?’ shows your interest in the other person and solicits new and interesting information that is fun to discuss. Pretty much anyone will want to share their opinions with an interested party and they will think you are nice and fun to be with, as well.” —Melissa Orlov, therapist and author of The Couples Guide to Thriving With ADHD.

 

5. Tell a bonding joke

“Jokes work well because they are disarming and work on a biological level. If a woman laughs at a man’s joke, he feels assured that she has a level of comfort with him. For her, laughing releases oxytocin, the ‘bonding hormone.’ These two things together create an opening for more conversation.” —Dawn Maslar

 

6. Offer to help them

“Being helpful is always a great way to get a person’s attention, especially when they are struggling to do something or seem overwhelmed. The one thing people always enjoy is relief but you don’t want to add to their stress or come across as creepy. So try something simple like offering to hold something for them.” —Alexis Nicole White, author and relationship expert

 

7. ‘Cheers’ them

“If you are in a bar and looking for an excuse to talk to someone, just go up and raise your glass and say ‘cheers!’ This is effective because it’s non-threatening, polite and will most likely be reciprocated.” —Laura Bilotta, matchmaker and founder of Single In the City

 

8. Repeat what they said

“If you are shy and don’t know what to say try being an empathetic listener. Reflect back what you hear the other person saying and offer compassion. This allows the other person to feel heard, validated, and accepted—and they’ll want to spend more time talking with you.” —Fran Walfish, PhD, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent

 

9. Ask about a mutual friend

“Mutual friends are good conversation starters when you are at a family gathering, party or any event where you were invited by the same person. Asking ‘So how do you know Mike?’ helps them share old stories and allows the two of you to jump right in and get to know each other. This one is especially effective if you let the mutual friend know you’re interested in talking to the person who’s caught your attention, so that they can slip in the conversation later on.” —Lori Bizzoco, relationship expert and founder of CupidsPulse.com

 

10. Say it with a smile

“It is viscerally impossible not to like someone who genuinely smiles at you. This means smiling with your entire face, including your eyes. Try this as you greet friends and colleagues and observe their reaction. A smile will disarm defenses, boost your likeability, and increase the chances of a positive conversation before you say a word.” —Wendy Patrick, JD, PhD, behavioral expert and attorney.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

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Renegade – 1978 to 1979 – Chapter 4 – Draw the Line

“Me? But I don’t know how to play guitar.”

“Yet. You don’t know how to play guitar… yet.”

(That is not a Sears Silvertone guitar. That is a semi hollow body Kay guitar borrowed from a friend. But that is a me at around 16 years old.)

One day we were in the basement working on some new tracks. One of the songs we really wanted to do was Draw The Line from Aerosmith’s latest self titled album. I was a huge fan of Aerosmith and had gotten that album for Christmas.

We started working on the song, which wasn’t that hard. The only difficulty I faced was the last verse. The lyrics aren’t written down anywhere and it’s mostly just Steven Tyler screaming a bunch of nonsensical rhyming phrases. It’s incredibly hard to decipher what he’s saying, so I had to keep playing it over and over and listening very carefully to Mr. Tyler scream the final lyrics.

But eventually me and a couple of my friends figured it out. The lyrics are here:

Checkmate, don’t be late
Take another pull
That’s right, impossible
When you got to be yourself
You’re the boss, the toss
The price, the dice
Grab yourself a slice
Know where to draw the line

You can hear the whole mess at the 3:16 point of the video below.

So that problem was solved. Now trying to sing it. I could sing, but I’m no Steven Tyler. Not by any stretch.

As we continued to work out the song, we came upon another problem. There is a point in the song where they do a musical break before that final onslaught of lyrics. While guitarist Brad Whitford keeps the rhythm going along with bassist Tom Hamilton, Joe Perry does a solo using a slide.

Jerry addresses the problem with me and Larry.

“Larry can carry the riff on bass, but I can’t play the rhythm guitar part and play the solo.”

“So what do we do?”

“I need another guitarist to play those three notes over and over until the solo is done and then I can pick it back up again. That’s when you sing that last bit.”

“Well we can’t bring in another guy to play three notes in one song!”

“We already have the guy.”

“Who?”

“You.”

“Me? But I don’t know how to play guitar.”

“Yet. You don’t know how to play guitar… yet.

(Smiling from ear to ear) Okay, Jer. I’m down. How do we do this?”

I still have my first electric guitar before I bought the Strat. It’s a Sears Silvertone. You can use that and I’ll show you how to play it. I’ll bring it with me tomorrow.”

“Okay… okay.

Oh my God! It’s a brand new world. I’m the lead singer of a rock and roll band and now I’m going to learn how to play guitar!

All my dreams are coming true!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish everyday at 8am & 12pmEST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 10 Habits That Make You More Attractive

10 Habits That Make You More Attractive

Daily loving, self-care is a habit that can make you more attractive to others. There are many ways to treat yourself right that can make a visible difference on the outside as well as the inside.

Prioritizing self before others can feel selfish, but it is vital for your health, well-being and wholeheartedness. Your self-confidence is attractive to others, so nourishing this inner resource is important. Let’s look at 10 daily habits that make you more attractive.

10 Habits That Make You More Attractive

When we think of attractiveness, we usually think of things that affect our physical appearance. However, not all attractiveness is external. Being attractive emotionally, spiritually and mentally is just as important for finding the right mate.

1. Connect with people deeply

We are attracted to people like us, and we also find likable people attractive. Being likable is easy; be more interested in hearing about the other person than you are in telling about yourself.

Ask probing questions to understand the background behind people’s actions, preferences, and stories. What is this person like when they are at home alone? What are their fears and dreams?

2. Treat friendships as a priority

Friends don’t let friendships grow apart. By nourishing your friendships, you practice the skills necessary to sustain a happy romantic relationship as well.

Friends make you smile, and smiling is always an attractive habit.

3. Live in the present moment

In a study of attractiveness in a speed-dating situation, women found men more attractive if they measured higher in mindfulness. This appears to only go one way for the sexes, as men in the study did not find mindful women to be more attractive.

Mindfulness is peaceful self-awareness. It is the knowledge that in the present moment, everything is just as it should be. Mindfulness is attractive because we shift focus away from anxiety or depression while we focus on the now. Mindful people tend to be more emotionally balanced.

4. Move your body

Obviously physical exercise keeps a body in shape, and healthy bodies are more attractive than unhealthy ones. This is especially true of males and females who are looking for healthy partners with whom they hope to raise a family.

When we think of someone who is attractive, they almost always possess grace in their movements. Balance and stretching, as well as mindful movements, will help you to present yourself as an attractive partner.

10 Habits That Make You More Attractive

5. Nourish yourself with excellent food

Nourishing your insides helps nourish your skin. Radiant skin is always attractive, and beauty starts from the inside. Think about a potential mate watching you as you eat. Would your potential mate be more attracted to you if they saw you eating some greasy fast food or dining on a gourmet vegan meal that you had made yourself?

6. Know your self-worth

Be sure of your value. Be confident in the fact that you are intrinsically valuable as a human being and more so because of your character, intelligence and kind actions. It’s been said before that confidence is sexy, and self-love is the best way to build self-confidence.

Project your value with your head held high. Meet the gaze of others directly and say to yourself ‘I would make a great catch for the partner who is worthy of me.’ Be careful not to cross the line into arrogance. Aim for an attitude of self-assurance.

7. Have excellent sleep habits

Sleep ensures that our bodies are able to replenish their depleted resources. Making a habit of getting good rest also means that you’ll look better physically; your skin will look healthy and your eyes will shine!

Mentally, well-rested people are better able to cope with stress and less likely to fail to manage their emotions. Good sleep is a good self-care habit that can also make you more attractive to your potential mate.

8. Make it a habit to have down time

Self-care includes some time with no stress or concerns. Make sure to release stress by enjoying plenty of down time. Again, visualize your ideal mate watching you as you relax. Choose an activity that feeds your soul like mindfulness meditation, yoga, or reading.

9. Forgive and learn from mistakes

Self-improvement means constantly learning. Studies that question males and females about desirable traits in a mate show that ‘psychological traits are important in human mating, with both sexes valuing intelligence and kindness very highly.’

Intelligence doesn’t have to mean that you have a degree. You can demonstrate intelligence to a potential mate by learning from mistakes and handling it well when you make one. You can demonstrate self-kindness by forgiving yourself for making a mistake in the first place, then, show what you’ve learned by avoiding the mistake in the future.

10. Take immense pleasure in simple things

In every moment, you have a choice to be happy or angry/sad/afraid. Choose joy and gratitude no matter the situation. This moment and the smile on your face could lead you to find the mate that’s right for you and who has their own matching inner and outer attractiveness.

 

And above ALL things, it’s most important to remember that you will be loved not for who you aren’t but for exactly who you truly ARE. This list is only meant to help bring you closer to that truly authentic, loving, attractive self.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am and 12pm EST.

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Sun Stories: Ben – Gym Guy

“Let me put it this way to you Achilles…Our worst prison nightmare is a decent payday for Ben.”

Ben came to us as a guy who tanned at our salon. He was always talking to Achilles about all his business deals and things. I never trusted this guy, but Achilles always gives people a couple of chances.

We were building the fitness part of our business out on Walnut street to compliment the tanning salon. I think Ben saw an opportunity to insert himself into this opportunity and came on strong.

I never got a good vibe from him but Achilles gave him a chance. At first we thought we’d bring him as a trainer because he was a fitness guy. We gave him a trial and he actually did pretty good with some of the people who came in.

But there was always something about him that gave me a bad vibe. He’s been married a couple of times. The kids live here in Philly and he lives in DC. I asked Achilles what the guy did for a living and he said he was a party planner. Apparently he worked as a personal trainer at a gym, but also worked as a driver for escorts for bachelor parties. He also told us he worked as a stripper in his past life. This guy is 48 now and dyes his hair blonde. We know he’s on steroids because he has bitch tits and is always sniffing. I’m thinking that’s coke.

I’ve lived in LA and been in the music industry. I can spot a druggie a mile away. This guy’s a loser. I don’t want him to poison what Achilles and I are working on with this gym. But I can see him trying to. He’s trying to spend more time here and work at the salon.

I tell Achilles that when I’m here Ben can under not circumstances touch anything in the salon. I run this place. This causes me stress of this weird invader, but Achilles knowing that I’m his golden goose puts the kibosh on Ben.

We’re mired in a lawsuit with the fitness center upstairs and can’t even open our little place. We’ll settle that nonsense eventually and figure it out. I’m sure we’ll just do personal strength training and it will all fall away.

But I can’t shake my suspicion about Ben. I google the shit out of this parasite. I see he has worked as a male stripper. I watch the videos. It’s gross. I’ve met his 11-year-old daughter. She’s a lovely child. I’m sure she has no idea what her dad has done.

I’m a dad, I get it. We have kids, and we’ve all done things we’re not proud of. There are things I’ve done my daughter can never know. That’s just being and adult and being responsible. They never need to know certain things. We’ve all done things we’re not especially proud of, and we let them die in silence.

But everything is online now and kids could find things. I’m just glad that all of my evil never made it to the internet. Lorelei never needs to see that, and even if she did she wouldn’t be interested and wouldn’t even look because it would be gross. But thankfully there is nothing out there on me.

I never liked Ben and always got a weird vibe from him. I didn’t want Achilles to get sucked in by another asshole because I love the salon and like every company I worked for always protect the integrity of that company. It’s what professionals do. Achilles has never had an employee like me but I bring great power and a flurry of 5 star Yelp reviews.

When I was at the salon at night I kept googling him. I needed to dig. I found some things. He was arrested 10 years ago for not paying his child support. No problem. I feel you dude. That shit is expensive and ruins your life.You missed some payments and your ex is a fucking relentless monster. I get it. I was married to that kind of fucking asshole. A relentless harpy that just wants what’s coming to her. A lonely empty cunt that will never be happy. So that’s a pass from me brother.

But I keep digging because you are trying to infiltrate what I’m doing with my partner Achilles.

Achilles tells me you want to invest in the business and cut me out. Achilles immediately tells me about this conversation and it’s not happening buddy.

I continue digging.

I keep googling you and then I come across a name that isn’t you in my search. I plugged in your name, Ben, but there is a new name that comes up.

I click on the link and learn a whole new thing about you sneaky male stripper, Ben.

I find a different name and you’re a porn actor. Payday. Not only are you are a porn actor you only do gay porn. All you ever talk about is banging girls to Achilles and me.

I watched your video’s Ben. I’m able look into the darkness and see the light. I found what I was looking for about you. I don’t care if you’re gay or straight but I watched videos of you doing everything sexual with men. Only Men. No girls. That changes one’s perception. Does gay for pay pay more than straight porn?

I called Achilles and this was our conversation:

“Dude, I’ve been googling Ben and found something.”

“What?”

“Please do not look upon this because I care about you and you’re a good man and I consider you a friend,and I don’t want to hurt you”

“What is it?”

“Ben does hard-core gay porn all the time.”

“What the fuck?”

I’m not going to mention any names but just know this dude does gay porn and only gay porn. No chicks!”

“Fuck!”

“I really looked to see if there were any girls and there are none.”

“Shit”

“Let me put it this way to you Achilles. Our worst prison nightmare is a decent payday for Ben.”

Achilles lost his shit and laughed his ass off.

We don’t really work with Ben anymore.

As a side note, I lent Ben $20 and we haven’t seen him since. So that’s a blessing. It only cost me $20 to rid our salon of him.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – Couples with Successful Marriages Have These 13 Things in Common

Not surprisingly, there are some things that successful marriages have in common. So, for people who want to have a successful marriage, these are the things they need to focus on. They will work for every person in every relationship and just need to be applied to work.

Ready? Here are the 13 things every successful marriage has:

1. Have Realistic Expectations

Notice this article is about what “successful” marriages have, not perfect ones. That’s because there’s no such thing as an ideal relationship. Every relationship will have good times and hard times, and those who are in successful ones know that it’s not always going to be butterflies and rainbows.

Setting realistic expectations for the relationship, however, is not nearly as important as setting realistic expectations for partners. If a person sets up unreachable expectations for their partner, they will always be disappointed since their partner can’t meet their expectations.

2. Have The Right Motives

When two people get together, their best chance of success comes if they’re together for the right motives. Not wanting to be alone is not the right motive for getting married, and neither is following family or religious traditions.

When two people are together because they genuinely love each other and want to spend every moment together, that’s the right motivation. When two people are together because they’re ready to do whatever it takes to stay together, that’s the right motivation.

3. Are Two Successful People

A successful marriage always has two successful people, and that’s not to say they’re both at the top of their career tracks. It is to say that each partner is mature, healthy, and able to say that they are successful on their own, that their success in life is not tied to their marriage.

When a marriage has an unhealthy member, that person will always look to the other for support and validation, and the healthy person then has to work twice as hard to keep the marriage working right. When both individuals are emotionally unhealthy, it just gets worse.

4. Be Completely Honest

The worst thing someone can do in a marriage is to reach out to someone outside of their marriage when they have a problem with their marriage. The only person that can solve that person’s marriage problem is the person they’re married to, so that should be the one they’re going to with a question.

The more painful a subject is, the more critical it is that it be brought up to a marriage partner rather than anyone else. Part of that honesty means both partners need to be trustworthy and open to hearing harsh truths. Only then can they be worked through successfully.

5. Respect The Other

Even more important than communication is respect. Every successful relationship has two people who respect each other in every imaginable way. If a person loses their respect for their partner, it usually isn’t long before the relationship starts to fall apart.

In successful relationships, each partner respects the other for who they are as a person, what they believe in, what their interests are, and what their dreams and aspirations are. They recognize that they won’t always agree on everything, but they still respect each other.

6. Have Good Fights

The measure of success in a relationship does not come from how infrequently or even how gently a couple of fights. The truth is that couples that fight more often (and sometimes even more loudly) are more successful than those who don’t fight.

The key is that they both allow the other person to express themselves and say what they need to say, then they resolve the problem. Sometimes, it’s not entirely settled as a compromise can’t be made, but what’s important is that it’s left in the past when it’s over.

7. Feel Genuine Forgiveness

Even more important than fighting is the forgiveness that follows in successful relationships. When a successful couple forgives each other, it means complete remission, which means wiping the slate clean and not allowing the offense to affect their relationship.

Something that successful marriages don’t do is keep bringing up old fights and hurts because they have genuinely forgiven the other person and no longer allow those things to come up. Forgiveness is the only way for couples to keep moving forward without allowing past hurts to hurt their future.

8. Have Rules

Although it seems strange for a loving, thriving relationship to have rules, these are incredibly important for making sure that both partners are on the same page and will prevent a lot of conflicts, frustration, and problems.

Relationship rules should be written out and cover everything from finances to how often a couple goes out on dates. Successful relationships stick to these rules and allow them to improve their lives and their relationships by encouraging them to keep their relationship healthy, open, and consistent.

9. Have Space Between Partners

Without some space between two people, it can be complicated to be able to enjoy each other since they don’t spend any time apart. It can often lead to co-dependency as each partner begins to need to get everything from their partner alone.

Having some space for each person to pursue their own interests and have their own friends allows each partner to get social interaction and personal fulfillment elsewhere that they can then bring into their marriage. It also gives them something to talk about.

10. Embrace Changes

Change is inevitable, and successful marriages continued to love, accept, and support their partner through every type of change that life may bring. It could be as something small as a haircut, or something as major as a change in religion.

As people go through life, they’re going to change, and in successful marriages, both partners accept the change that happens and are willing to fall in love with the person their partner is becoming because they recognize that marriage is a lifelong commitment.

11. Focus on Little Things

Little things in marriages always add up to big things. This can be positive or negative, depending entirely on what little things are happening in the relationship. Successful couples pay attention to the little things because they know what can happen if they don’t.

Snarky comments and little insults will add up to resentment and big hurts. Washing dishes and kissing before leaving the house will add up to mutual contentment satisfaction. When it’s little negative things, the sooner they’re dealt with, the better.

12. A Lot of Sex

Of course, the frequency of sex varies significantly from marriage to marriage, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, it’s something that many couples miss the importance of in their relationship. But, when there is an emotional disconnect or a hurt, lack of sex is often the first sign.

Some couples have even used sex as a way to repair their relationship when things are feeling a bit dry. They merely commit to having sex every day for a week no matter what, and immediately feel closer to each other by the end.

13. Surfers

A surfer rides the waves of the ocean as they go up and down, and can be stronger or weaker. In a successful marriage, both partners surf the emotional waves that naturally come. They recognize that sometimes will be better than others, but they stick with their partner no matter what.

Sometimes, these waves come in the form of feeling a lack of love towards a partner, something that can last for a few days or even a few years. But in a successful marriage, that partner sticks with it, rides it out, and rediscovers their love that they would have missed had they bailed.

 

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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