Wildwood Daze – Summer of 1979 – Lola – Part 1

I was 17 years old in the summer of 1979. It was a good summer filled with fun at the beach, working at the restaurant, and hanging on the boardwalk. There was always something fun to do at the seashore. Even if it was a rainy day, we’d play Monopoly or read comic books. I’d be writing songs on my guitar or just practicing or jamming out to my records. (Actually the stereo was in the living room I had an old 8 track player in my room. Google it Millennials!)

I was usually hanging at Botto’s arcade if I just wanted lay low and stay local. There were always the regulars that hung out there. Me, my friend Tony, Anna Marie, (See: Anna Marie – Summer of 1978 – Awakening) her sister, my buddy Richard (Who was a pinball wizard) some of the local kids from the neighborhood. Sometimes my middle sister would show up with her friends. It was just the best spot to chill out and socialize and play. Think of it as a bar for teenagers that only serves soft drinks and snacks.

There was this one girl who was there quite often. She’d be shooting pool or playing Pac Man. Lola was a cute brunette with dark brown eyes. She was 5’2″ and Italian. I would have to say though Lola’s most distinct feature was her well-developed full bosom. And they even looked larger on her small frame. I’m a leg man, but that is a healthy girl!

Her folks lived in Newark, NJ. She and her mom stayed at her aunt’s place over on 9th street. So she was only a couple of blocks away from the arcade.

It was the end of the Summer. My shadow was getting longer in the golden afternoon sun. August was coming to a close and the darkness would soon descend upon me. But at the moment it was still hiding in September.

I was alone in the arcade one afternoon kicking ass on my favorite pinball machine ‘Flash.’ Lola came over and started chatting with me. We only knew each other because we’d see each other at the arcade. She was joking around with me about how I always played the same songs on the jukebox when I was here. But I have always had a sarcastic with so I fired back.

“Oh, you must mean I only play the ‘good’ songs on the jukebox.” (Not taking my eyes off the steel ball that bounced around in the machine)

“I’m going to show you what good music is.” She heads over to the jukebox and drops some quarters. After a bit “Our House” by Crosby, Nash and Young comes on. If you’ve ever heard that song, it’s a sweet little folksy song. I’m a 17-year-old musician. I only like rough house rock and roll. Bands like Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, and Van Halen. Anything else just sucks to me. I hate all that soft stuff. It doesn’t make me feel anything.

“That song sucks. It’s so gay.”

“No it doesn’t! It’s good music!”

“It’s crap.”

So for the next hour or so we went back and forth putting quarters in the jukebox. Playing all of our favorite songs for each other. We were dueling each other with music and also on the pool table and pinball machines.

Anne had a sharp wit and a fiery little personality. I was really having a fun, anxiety free, afternoon with this chick. This was new to me because normally I would meet a girl and then the anxiety would jack up and I’d be a mess when I was around them. I was getting a little better but not by much. But this just felt easy. Calm. Playful. Relaxed. Fun!

Lola sinks the 8 ball. “I win again! One more?”

“I wish. I gotta go. I promised Jim we’d jam tonight.”

“Oh… okay.”

“Hey. Do you want to go to the beach with me tomorrow?”

“Sure!”

“Cool. I’ll swing by tomorrow around one?”

“You better!” (Gives me a wry smile)

I laugh and leave the arcade smiling as I walk the two blocks home.

What just happened in there? Was that a date? Is tomorrow a date or are we just hanging out. Why did that feel so easy and fun?

I guess I’ll find out more tomorrow.

 

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice: 36 Questions that Lead to Love

Are you sick and tired of day-to-day small-talk, filling your interactions with surface level chit-chat? I’ve been feeling like this for quite some time, and have explored various ways in which to foster more meaningful connections, with more people, more quickly!

I’ve researched people such as Brandon Stanton of Humans of New York, Kalina Silverman of Big Talk, and Dave Isay of StoryCorps. I truly feel a calling to somehow contribute to better relationships between people, with more depth and understanding of the lives one another lives.

During my morning walk earlier, while listening to a podcast, I came across a particularly quick and easy tool that really creates opportunities to elicit such conversations. That tool is this: “The 36 Questions that Lead to Love.”

Now, this is not necessarily love of a romantic nature. This is more of a ‘love’ for anybody — a love with a foundation of understanding and insight into one another’s lives, thereby leading to respect and appreciation of the other party . Differences and all. It is well-known that self-disclosure and vulnerability fosters closeness. So why not pop one of these questions into a conversation at your next office work drinks? You never know where it might lead…

Set 1

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set 3

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice: 5 Reasons Not To Ditch Your Friends Now That You’re In Love

My friend Rachel told me a story about two of her friends that made me roll my eyes. “Sally and Daniella were inseparable,” Rachel recalls. “They would text all day long, and see each other a few times a week.” But each time Daniella started to date someone, Sally wouldn’t hear from her for weeks at a time. One time, Sally was surprised and delighted to be invited for a weekend away with Daniella. Her excitement evaporated when she learned Daniella and her boyfriend had broken up. Sally felt, again, like the runner-up.

These anecdotal stories of “now that my best friend is in a relationship, I never see her anymore” is validated by research. In one recent study, social scientists at Oxford questioned hundreds of adults about how their relationships changed after they started to date. They found that a new lover meant less time to invest in other close relationships. On average, a person’s core group (family and friends one used to see regularly and who were depended on in tough times) diminishes by two people.

It’s true that there is only so much time to go around. We make tough choices about who we spend our time with, and how much of it. But investing less energy in our close friends and family is perhaps not such a great idea.

I interviewed some people in new relationships who say they are not ditching their friends. Here are five reasons why.

Friends Make You More Interesting

Hanging out too much with your partner and doing “partner” things limits the diversity of your life experiences. No doubt there are interests and activities that you share more with your good friends than with your partner. Continuing to participate passionately in these “outside” interests enriches your life, feeds your own joy, and makes you more interesting to yourself and to your partner too! For instance, one person continues to go to the theater regularly with friends rather than invite her new boyfriend instead.

Friends Can Help Your Relationship

Our friends understand us in ways our partners don’t. They often have known us longer and see patterns in our behaviour. They can act as an objective sounding board to help us navigate problems in our relationship, and point out our blind spots. For instance, one person was complaining to her friend about her boyfriend being late all the time. Her friend gently pointed out that she complained about this with past boyfriends, her new boyfriend wasn’t unacceptably late, and that she had a tendency to be controlling.

Friends Avoid “Suffocating” Your Partner

Being in a relationship can start to feel suffocating if one feels guilty for spending time away from a partner who is dependent on them for their social life. Spending time with your close friends takes the pressure off your partner to feel like they are responsible for your happiness and entertainment. One person said that too much “together time” can zap the novelty and mystery out of a relationship. Seeing their partner enjoy activities independently makes them appear more confident and attractive.

Friends Validate Your Partner’s Decision

People judge us by the friends we keep. Having interesting, fun friends reflects well on us. One person said they are suspicious of people who don’t have close friends; it makes her wonder whether they are lazy or apathetic about relationships, and whether they will not make the sort of emotional investment that is needed for their relationship to thrive. If other people love you, your partner will think (even subconsciously) that’s a good sign!

Friends Deserve Respect

Taking people for granted (like Daniella did with Sally), only “using” them when it suits your own purposes may come back to haunt you. While some friends may be at your beck and call, chances are that others you value may not be there when you need them the most. You can’t expect friends to give you a shoulder to cry on (like when you need relationship advice, or you’ve just been dumped) if you’ve been ignoring them for months.

Have you asked your BFF to “move on down the bench” now that you’re in love? Maybe you should think about warming up their seat a little closer to you!

 

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice: The Hidden Reason Men Get Angry With Women Over “Nothing”

I have a gentleman that follows my blog. He’s been reading all of my dating and relationship work and asked if I could publish one of his pieces.

I agreed. This is not me, but we can all learn from this.

Anger has been a problem my whole life. It contributed to the ending of my two marriages and nearly brought about the demise of my third. When my anger was pointed out to me, usually by my wife, I immediately became defensive and insisted loudly, I’m not angry, God damn it! Inside I felt confused, out-of-control, and righteous. In my mind, I would say to myself, Well, who wouldn’t get angry, when someone is attacking you like she is?

When I tried to explain my feelings to my wife, she was mystified. Nothing she did seemed to her like an attack, and I couldn’t articulate what it was about what she said that triggered my defensive anger. Clearly, my anger wasn’t over “nothing”, but what was really triggering my anger remained hidden for a long time.

It took me years to begin to understand why my wife was afraid of me. I never hit her. So, I told myself, she’s just being overly sensitive. I dismissed my angry outbursts and wasn’t aware of the looks I was giving her. “When you get angry, even when you’re trying to keep it in,” my wife told me, “you get that beady-eyed look that chills my soul.”

My wife, Carlin, and I have been married now for 38 years. It’s the third marriage for both of us and we’ve learned a lot about why we are the way we are and how to deal with my anger. The writer, Margaret Atwood, offers an insightful understanding of a male/female dynamic that has taken us years to understand.

Atwood says, “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” Do you know how sometimes you read something and think to yourself, I know what she’s saying is right, but you can’t quite explain to yourself why it’s right?

On the surface, these two statements don’t make sense. They don’t seem to have equal weight. How can you compare fear of being laughed at to fear of being killed? Yet, Atwood is suggesting that fear of death and fear of being laughed at are comparable.

It’s a lot easier to understand women’s fear of being killed by a man, than men’s fear of being laughed at by a woman. Men are generally bigger, stronger, and more aggressive. Every day in the news we see examples of male violence. There are mass shootings, men killing their wives and girlfriends in fits of jealous rage, rapes, and sexual harassment.

In order to understand why men are afraid of being laughed at by women, we have to take a journey into the world of men and try and see things through their eyes. Here are a few highlights that I’ve come to understand over the years:

Being born of a woman has a different meaning for males than females.

All females learn quickly that they are the same sex as the mother and there is a primal identification, “I’m a female, like Mom, and I can grow up to be like her.” All males learn that they are the other sex and there is a primal disappointment when they realize that they will never grow up to be like mother.

Males are dependent on women, but frightened and ambivalent about their dependence.

In his book, “Misogyny: The Male Malady”, anthropologist David Gilmore describes the near universal dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women that is built into the male psyche. He says it stems from unresolved conflicts between men’s intense need for and dependence upon women and their equally intense fear of that dependence—and the underlying reason for our anger is almost totally subconscious.

Here are the subconscious needs that are usually so uncomfortable to acknowledge that men block them out:

  • Unconscious wishes to return to infancy
  • Longings to suckle at the breast
  • To return to the womb
  • The powerful temptation to surrender one’s masculine autonomy to the omnipotent mother of childhood fantasy

“All these secret desires,” says Gilmore, “spark unconscious opposition, internal conflict, and consequently psychic turmoil in men. Men’s ambivalence toward women creates an uncomfortable and endless tension at every psychic level which leads to an effort to diminish the source of the turmoil by attacking its source: women.”

Men can be overt in their anger or they can be covert. Their anger can be aggressive and explosive or it can be passive and “nice”. Mostly, I was the nice guy, but my anger would come out in subtle ways. I’d forget an anniversary. I’d flirt with my wife’s best friend. I’d listen to her, but not fully. I’d forget something she’d ask me to get for her. Sound familiar?

Men feel an unconscious bondage to Woman.

In his book, “Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man”, Sam Keen offers a perspective that resonates deeply with me. “It was slow in dawning on me that WOMAN had an overwhelming influence on my life and on the lives of all the men I knew,” says Keen. He goes on to say, “I am not talking about women, the actual flesh-and-blood creatures, but about Women, those larger-than-life shadowy female figures who inhabit our imaginations, inform our emotions, and indirectly give shape to many of our actions.”

Keen says, “One of the major tasks of manhood is to explore the unconscious feelings that surround our various images of WOMAN, to dispel false mystification, to dissolve the vague sense of threat and fear, and finally to learn to respect and love the strangeness of womankind.”

In sum, he says, “It may be useful to think about sexual-spiritual maturation—the journey to manhood—as a process of changing WOMAN into women, into Jane (or one certain woman), of learning to see members of the opposite sex not as archetypes or members of a class but as individuals.”

“It is the WOMAN in our heads, more than the women in our beds or boardrooms, who cause most of our problems,” Keen concludes. “And these archetypical creatures—goddesses, bitches, angels, Madonnas, castrators, witches, Gypsy maidens, earth mothers—must be exorcised from our minds and hearts before we can learn to love women.”

Men’s greatest fear is being ridiculed and disrespected.

I still remember being in a room with my mother and a number of neighbor friends. They were talking about their husbands amid derisive laughter about the various shortcomings of the men. I was six years old. I can’t remember the details of their complaints, but the feelings of pity, contempt, and disrespect remain burned into my psyche nearly seventy years later.

I felt deeply ashamed of my father for not living up to my mother’s expectations, and I made a vow, as a six-year-old, that I would die before I would ever let a woman talk about me that way.

James Gilligan, M.D., one of the world’s experts on male violence and author of the book, “Violence: Our Deadly Epidemic and Its Cause” says, “I have yet to see a serious act of violence that was not provoked by the experience of feeling shamed and humiliated, disrespected and ridiculed.” Most often, men turn the shame inwards, become depressed, and suicidal, but the anger that comes out at women is often shame-based and related to feeling overwhelmed by feminine power.

Most men have a hole in their soul as a result of the father wound.

When I was five years old my mid-life father became increasingly angry and depressed because he couldn’t make a living to support his family. Unable to meet the demands of being the sole breadwinner in the family, he took an overdose of sleeping pills and was committed to the state mental hospital.

If a boy doesn’t grow up with a father who is present physically and emotionally, he clings more closely to his mother, which increases his fear and anger. This was true for me and for many men I know. With my father gone, I needed my mother even more. I was angry that my father had left, and angry at my mother because I felt even more engulfed by her energy.

Richard Rohr founded the international movement known as Men As Learners & Elders (M.A.L.E.s), which focuses on ritual and rites of passage to encourage men to greater spiritual consciousness. He says, “In the heart of every man is a hunger for his father. It’s one of those inevitable things. It happens in both boys and girls actually, but the essence of this hunger is vitally different. There is something about the connection between the child and the same-sex parent that, when unmet, creates a gaping hole in their souls.”

 

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30 Shades of grey….a continuation!! — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

So I guess I should have actually put the disclaimer here instead of part one because I barely mentioned spanking and did not talk about orgasms at all, sorry and all that but here is the disclaimer….I am going to refer to spanking, orgasms and a few other bits and pieces so if that is […]

via 30 Shades of grey….a continuation!! — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish Monday through Friday at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Rob and Laura – Thanksgiving – Food and Beverage Dilemma

I’ve been friends with Rob and Laura for a few years now. They’re a really cool couple and I love hanging out with them. They’re a smart good-looking pair that both have good jobs.

I’ve had lunch with Rob a couple of times in the last year but I haven’t seen the new house they bought recently.

So I was thrilled when they invited me over for Thanksgiving this year. They said it would be a small intimate affair.

The reason I entitled this post as “Food and Beverage Dilemma” was because that’s what initially was going to be the theme of this post. It certainly begins with that, but takes on a completely different turn later in the post. But I decided to leave the title the same because that’s all I want to remember of this Thanksgiving.

If you’ve been following phicklephilly, you’ll know how I feel about Thanksgiving these days. (See: Thanksgiving Tradition ) I’ve had tons of great thanksgivings in my life. My family was always big on Christmas, not thanksgiving. I get it. I’m very grateful for everything I have in my life, but I don’t need to stuff my head with tons of food that takes hours to prepare to feel that.

But when Rob and Laura invited me to their new home I really felt special. I was actually getting excited for Thanksgiving to arrive.

My buddy Church gave me a motherlode of liquor last year so I decided to re-gift a bottle of whiskey to Rob. (See: Church – 2014 to Present – The Motherload) It was a bottle of Westland American single malt whiskey. 90 proof and apparently very good. I also was going to bake some of my own chocolate cookies for the event. I figured bring them a nice bottle of something and some of my cookies for dessert.

A few nights before Thanksgiving, I was looking at the bottle and decided to look it up online to learn more about it before giving it away. This way I could talk about it at the table.

I find it online and it’s going for between $80 – $100 a bottle!

Wait a second. That’s really expensive. Am I prepared to part with a $100 whiskey? I need to rethink this. Shouldn’t I keep this bottle because it’s so valuable and just get them something else? Funny what money does to your mind.

Well I’ve got a few days. I’ll think about it.

I go into the salon and run my predicament by Achilles.

“Are you gonna drink it?”

“No. It’s too nice for me. I like my boxed wine and vodka that comes in a plastic bottle.”

“How much did you pay for the whiskey?”

“Nothing. It was given to me a year ago.”

“Well, if you’re not going to drink it, and you got it for free, why don’t you just give it to them and maybe they’ll realize that it’s expensive and reciprocate someday. But if not, you had a nice Thanksgiving with your friends.”

“You’re right. And I’m going to bake cookies.”

“Fuck that. Just buy a few gourmet cookies, put them in a paper bag and be done with it.”

“Yea. You’re right. That’s what I’m going to do.”

But the night before Thanksgiving I was still torn. I walked out of the salon after I closed and headed to the liquor store a block away. I got half way down the street and turned back.

Screw it. Achilles is right. I’m going to pick up some cookies at my local grocery store and pack up the bottle of Westland Whiskey for Rob and Laura.

Each one of those cellophane bags has two cookies in side so I’ve spent a total of eight bucks on Thanksgiving this year. Good to go!

The next day I did the long trek to Fairmont. It probably took over 40 minutes to get there. It was so nice to see Rob and Laura.

But they have a two year old son that was just up from his nap. I know Rob has been telling me about how challenging it’s been being a parent. They both have big jobs, the kid’s in day care all day, and when they get home they’re so exhausted from work they don’t want to deal with him.

I’m a parent and like my parents before me children are like intelligent puppies when they’re little. Those dogs need to be disciplined. A trained dog is a happier and more calm dog. And boys are tough. But once I’m there for awhile I realize very quickly this isn’t happening.

He’s a winey, wild, child. That must have worked and he knows when he does it they will yield to him. He’s like a little drunken tyrant midget. I even played with him on the floor for awhile with his animals and trucks and it was tough but I feel like no one’s doing that with him. He certainly lacks order in his life. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I’ve never raised my voice or my hand to my daughter Lorelei. But I was consistent in my words and deeds and brought order and calm into her life. She knew exactly where the fences were and still are.

But it’s just not happening here and it’s stunting this child’s social development.

I love Rob and Laura, but they need to get on the stick about raising this boy. It’s not his fault. He’s just an untrained puppy who sadly has got his parents by the short and curies and they need to take back the power and straighten this boy out. Just like my friend Marigold and her crazy kids. No one is disciplining these little monsters!

The child’s behavior ruined my Thanksgiving this year. I don’t have the will to go over there again if he’s there or even awake. Lunch or happy hour but adults only!

So in closing, my food and beverage dilemma wasn’t the problem at all. It took on a whole new form.

 

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Sheryl – Not the Muse

Back in the 90’s I worked in banking. I was a branch manager at First Union Bank in South Philly. I was taking some college courses at night paid for by the bank. That’s where I met a 22-year-old Sheryl. She was in some finance course I was taking. Cute little blonde that I got to know on smoke breaks during class.

We became friendly and started meeting at a bar called Charlie Brown’s in Woodbury, New Jersey. Back then you could smoke in bars and we’d do just that. Drink martinis and smoke cigs and chat. She worked at a local bank as a teller.

Sheryl had kind of a rough upbringing. I don’t remember most of the details, but her family life was pretty dysfunctional and she had been with some outlaw type boyfriends. One which broke her jaw during an argument. So at 22 she had already seen a lot of bad things and made even worse choices.

We would meet up about once a month. I was writing a book back then entitled: Angel with a Broken Wing. Sheryl became the inspiration for one of the characters in the book. She was the friend to the main character who he should have made his girlfriend because they were so good together. But of course our hapless hero chooses the hotter, crazier chick in the story.

The crazy chick was inspired by a real life hot, crazier girl I met in another class I was taking. That girl was actually the muse. She’s the one who inspired me to write the book. But that’s a whole other insane story I’ll get to at a later date in this blog.

I would read the drafts to Sheryl during our sessions and she loved it. She adored being the inspiration of a cool character in my manuscript. We began to have a romantic relationship. Which developed into a sexual relationship.

Sheryl had a dark sexual fantasy she told me one night. She said she wanted to give me a key to her apartment. I was asked not to tell her when I was coming over and to park my car around the corner. I would surprise her and we’d enjoy a bit of scary role play for fun.

Yea. Dark stuff. back then I was a more sexually daring and a darker man in my 30’s. So I was up for it mentally, but didn’t know if I could physically play that twisted game with someone I cared about. She really wanted it but I will tell you now, it never happened. It remained a fantasy and that’s it. I’m glad about that and don’t regret that we didn’t do it.

We lost touch when she moved to California for a while. I think she went to live near her mom but the details are fuzzy now. It’s been 20 years since I’ve seen or spoken to her.

But you know how it is now in the wonderful world of social media. Sheryl found me on Facebook and we re-connected. We chatted a bit but lost touch again. This was a few years ago.

Then she resurfaced recently. Now she’s a woman in her mid 40’s. Hard to believe how that happens. I remember her as the cute sexy young lady and now she’s middle-aged. Just like that. Based on her Facebook profile it appears she has 2 children. I don’t know if she’s twice divorced or just once, but I definitely know she’s single.

I’m pretty sure if she’s resurfaced and started chatting with me again I could sleep with her if I wanted to. But she’s a little old for me and I’m done with that part of my life. If not for social media a lot of the people from your past would stay gone like they’re supposed to, but not anymore. But I’d have a nostalgia bang session with her just for old times sake if she wanted that. But probably not.

We’ve been texting lately and she wants to meet up at Charlie Browns like we used to for a drink.

First of all I’m not going to Jersey for anybody but family. Second, I would have to take a bus and it would take forever, cause I’m not drinking and driving for anybody.

We talk some more and she decides she’ll deal with her anxiety and hop on PATCO and take the train into Philly. I’m good with that. (Did I know she had that bad of anxiety that she’s afraid to board a train and come to Philly?  I can meet her the minute she gets off. We decide to shoot for a Sunday after 4pm when I finish at the salon.

We lock down a date and it’s on. I’m actually looking forward to seeing her after all this time. In the days leading up to our reunion, she’s blowing up my phone texting me. I don’t mind. It’s nice to reconnect.

So that Sunday I’m working in the salon and I get a text from her around noon. (We’re scheduled to meet in 4 hours)

“I apologize but I have to reschedule. Something came up involving my son. (His dad actually) and I need to stay and be with him. (son) He may pretend not to care, but he is angry and sad.”

“You suck. (lol emoji)”

“I know!! His dad was arrested. Just found out that he is facing 15 years. His dad has always been a screw up, gets locked up frequently on small shit. This time he fucked up really bad. And as much as my son says he doesn’t care, his tone of voice and body language tells me differently.”

“No worries. We’ll try again some other time.”

“Definitely! What’s your schedule like for next weekend?”

“Ok. Just move me to next Sunday then. And thank you.”

“No worries.”

And that’s where it ends. I haven’t heard from again. All of last week just radio silence. The weekend arrives and I don’t hear anything. She’s the one who wanted to see me. I could care less. I haven’t seen her in 20 years. A few more won’t make any difference to me.

I thought about what she said. I remember she was making bad decisions back in the 90’s. Is her life still filled with bullshit, problems, and drama? Because if so I don’t want any part of that. I cleaned all of the fleas and ticks out of my life last year.

But the big question on our minds is:

I wonder if she still has that home invasion fantasy?

 

Maybe I’ll reach out to her and tell her about how she’s about to be in my blog.

 

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