IBS Gal – Part 3

But then as I lay there staring up at the pop-corn ceiling, I began to think: Why did she do that? Why the meat lovers skillet? Dang it, super hot Louisiana girl, why did you have to eat the whole skillet when you knew you had IBS? What a selfish thing to do. The more I thought, the more it occurred to me how selfish she was. After deeper reflection it seemed she had used me for a free meal. And in that moment, the yellow/greying walls seemed to be more aged. The flaking lead paint seemed to make the air thick and difficult to breathe. And that single, old, 1970’s incandescent light bulb, hanging there like a single bull’s testicle, out-of-place and missing its partner in crime, casting more shadows than light in this ghetto, 1950’s built apartment unit. I contemplated what had gone wrong in my life to be on a date with a smoking hot girl, with a super kind disposition, but who was also batshit-insane and had robbed me of my Friday night with all her stupid IBS crap.

And then, just then, when it all seemed pointless, somehow, I realized how truly filthy and utterly disgusting her room was and how sad the situation really was and I fell in love with her all over again. The anger disassociated in a solution with the powerful buffers of empathy, love, compassion, and righteousness. I knew what I had to do: I had to fix it for her. Had to make it better. Had to give her something positive and beautiful in her mess of a life. Had to be her knight in shining armor. But what? How could I, a mere mortal, show her my pure, unadulterated love and prove myself to her?

My mother. My sweet mother was the answer. My mother gracefully came to my mind in the form of a sweet memory. Yep, that was the answer and the only answer: When I was a kid, and got a bad grade on a test, or was bullied, and didn’t feel like living life and let my room go my sweet mother would quietly clean it for me. She would swear like a sailor and throw hard plastic objects at me and beat me for other things but in these situations she would also clean my room lovingly. And I knew I had to do the same thing for my date, for this girl that I had known for less than two weeks, and had spent a total of maybe 6 hours with- I would sanitize and organize and make her happy by cleaning.

All of a sudden, this possible government housing apartment, this worse-than-south-central LA-projects apartment seemed to naturally brighten up. I sprang from the bed and started cleaning. Started with the trash. And threw it in the bin. Then organized things into piles. Then pushed her bookcase back to parallel to the wall (it was perpendicular and just sticking out in the middle of the room when I entered.) I organized her books, and made all the knick knacks organized and a safe distance from the edge of their shelves where they had previously been dangling. I remade the bed, taking great care with the corners and eliminating wrinkles.

Then…there was the laundry. There were two piles: One obviously dirty, and one possibly clean. I put the dirty in a pile in the corner of her room (there was no laundry basket, no hamper). Then I had to make sure the clean pile was actually clean, and I had to make sure there were no “unmentionables” as Hank Hill called them. So I got down on my hands and knees and looked really closely for any stains. I started sniffing the air, motioning my hand in a circular motion towards my nose to see if her clothes would rile up my olfactory system at all. So far so good, but I had to be sure. So I gingerly teased out a pair of jeans from web/pile, and held them close to my nose. Good gosh: Southern sunshine, laundry detergent, and womanly goodness was all that smelled. I needed a greater sample size, so I went for an innocuous white tank top. Same great clean smell. I fist pumped the air, so happy. Then I separated out the pile, cautiously looking for bras and panties all good. I then started folding like a madman, as time was running down. I finished and gently laid her folded, clean clothes at the foot of her mattress.

I sat on the floor again. And waited. 10…5…1…0…-25…-45…-1 hour. I was tired and knocked on the bathroom door. “Hey are you ok? Do you want me to go to the store and get you some IBS medicine? Can I do anything for you?” She responded, “No no, that’s ok, I’m done.” All of a sudden the toilet flushed and she hopped up and opened the door even though she hadn’t even finished buttoning up her daisy dukes.

As she was finishing fiddling with her jean shorts, she looked beyond me, peering into the bedroom and started SCREAMING: “WHAT THE HELL MAN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MY ROOM IS CLEAN NOW!!??” She was pissed. I once again was incredulous and said, “Dude, you can barely function. You just quit/got fired from your Discovery card job, your apartment is a mess, unsanitary and unfit to live in really, you are in massive pain from IBS, can’t afford to see a doctor and don’t have health insurance. So the one way I thought I could brighten your day was to clean your room, a loving act, nothing more, nothing less.” She looked at me quizzically, as if I were some quixotic idiot trying to administer leafs of stimulating BS. She then said, “WELL YEA THEY’RE CLEAN CLOTHES BUT WHAT IF I HAD UNDERWEAR IN THERE, HUH??!!”. I said, “Yea exactly, I thought of that already, and that’s why I checked to make sure they were clean and that there wasn’t any underwear in there.” She was confused and said “You checked? What do you mean you checked?” I logically answered “I inspected the pile, I looked closely and then sniffed it, and just kind of peeked around to make sure I didn’t see any before I started folding. if I would have seen any I would have stopped and left the pile on the ground.” She then just kind of grunted and yelled “You shouldn’t clean my room and touch my stuff.” Fair enough I conceded.

I said I was done then, and that she needed to think about the night, her behavior and listed everything that she had done that was inconsiderate and understand that everything I did was with a pure heart and nothing but her best interest and trying to actively show her love. I apologized and walked out. We then went on a second date.

Actually we did! We talked on the phone, she apologized for the first date. We kept talking for a week and she invited me to her place.

We went for a walk, and she was super flirty and fun to be with, and then went up to her apartment. We were up there and she sat down on her infamous couch, and slinked her legs over my lap, laydown, pulled my head in and started kissing me. As we were kissing, her phone started buzzing. She checked her phone, said her friend was at the hospital and that she had to go. She sounded way different from she had the entire night, and seemed really nervous. I asked her questions about her friend and the text which she evaded. We hugged and said goodbye, and then stopped talking after that.

Four years later I went to my friend’s house and was walking up the stairs when Miss Louisiana popped out of a room. We both were surprised to see each other. A guy came shortly to their home and picked her up. We talked before he got there. She said she “contracted fibromyalgia” and that she was sick. She looked depressed. She was engaged to the guy. They left for that night for a date, and I never heard from her again. She got married 3 weeks later, they had been engaged for 3 months. All I could think when meeting that guy was, “you poor, poor man. I feel so sorry you’re marrying her.” I know that might sound cold but she really had some difficult issues and basically seemed to be just as much a mess as 4 years before.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 5 Things Every Wife Does Just To Get Her Husband’s Attention

5. LOSING WEIGHT

Women believe that as they gain weight, their husbands start ignoring them. Usually women gain weight after giving birth to kids, and of course, they hardly get time for physical exercises that can keep them fit. In some families, husbands avoid taking their wife to parties because they feel embarrassed to stand next to a fat woman. Looking at such living examples, women develop a thought that their husband is not paying attention to them because they are not attractive anymore. So, to get the beautiful curves they hit the gym and also stick themselves to a strict diet. No doubt, it’s good for their health, but it would be better if your wife realizes the truth that she is always gorgeous in your eyes.

4. BEING TOO ROMANTIC

5 Things Every Wife Does Just To Get Her Husband’s Attention

Now she is reminding you of those good old days, the early days of your love life! Texting each other, speaking on the phone for hours without a reason, walking under a single umbrella, these sweet memories will never go away. But now she is rewinding them to make you remember. While you are busy in your work she sends “I love you” messages and she hugs you very often. Did you notice her lingerie collection? She has bought some hot lingerie just to impress you. These days she is also joining you for the morning walk. Why she is giving so much importance to such small things? Just to grab your attention! She wants you fall in love with her again, and perhaps you will start enjoying her company again.

3. NOT BEING THERE

5 Things Every Wife Does Just To Get Her Husband’s Attention

“A wife is essential to great longevity; she is the receptacle of half a man’s cares, and two-thirds of his ill-humor,” said a writer called Charles Reade. This quote is applicable to every married man. If you are leading a happy family life, your wife is the one who must be credited for it. Women know the fact that their husband may not be able to live peacefully in their absence, so sometimes, they purposefully go to their mom’s place just to make their husband realize their importance. Just imagine, one fine day you will come home and there is no one to welcome you! You are left with no option than relying on your cooking skills and taking care of your stubborn toddler. You will start missing her presence, and just like all other husbands start begging her to come home as early as possible.

2. SHE IS IN LOVE WITH HER MAKEUP COLLECTION

5 Things Every Wife Does Just To Get Her Husband’s Attention

Women go crazy when it comes to their physical appearance. They never mind spending so many hours in front of the mirror to have that desired look. However, after getting married, their focus gets diverted. They start giving preference to their husband and kids over their personal needs. However, at some point of time, they embrace a thought that good looks are essential to win their husband’s attention. Are you working with hot colleagues? You are adding salt to the wound. Your wife is living in a wrong assumption that you are attracted to other women even when she is not so ugly!

  1. SUDDENLY A SUPER SWEET LADY
5 Things Every Wife Does Just To Get Her Husband’s Attention

Your wife is not always a sweet angel, but sometimes she surprises you with a pleasant attitude. When you reach home, you will find her opening the door with a cute smile on her face, don’t be surprised if there is candle light dinner waiting for you. She may not demand anything and also help you in every possible manner. Dear friend, she is trying to impress you and steal your attention with her cool attitude. Please don’t expect her to be the same forever, you will be highly disappointed! She is a woman who is comfortable in her own skin.

 

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IBS Gal – Part 2

So her friend says “Hold on”, dives back underneath the covers, makes some adjustments, then gets out of the couch/pull out bed, walks over to the door all annoyed while gesticulating like Mick Jagger or Jack Sparrow walking down a catwalk, knocks on the bedroom door, enters and then goes in. 2 minutes later she comes out and says, you can go in there, the coast is clear, she’s still in the bathroom.” I shook my head and went inside.

The door shut, and I turned around to see it, “it” being a landmine of trash, stale food crumbs, tiny hardened/jagged Doritos chips pieces, melted plastic figurines and other stuff that was difficult to make out what it was. But she was smoking hot. She had the all-too-rare combo of toned legs, a six pick, tight but, short/petite AND big tits- total anomaly man, and…she was with me for the night. So again my little head prevailed over my big head justifying that it was alright to stay and hunker down in this pigsty. I found a patch of carpet, an island amidst a sea of stuff covering her room, where my bones could rest during this tiring night. I sat for 5 minutes, and then decided to talk to my date through the bathroom door.

I delicately walked to the other side of this narrow rectangular room, to her bathroom door, and gently knocked. I was scared. My balls were sucked up inside my scrotum. And then, a self-contradicting, angelic and yet simultaneously course voice, answered: “Heyyyyyy”.

“Hey, are you alright? Do you want me to leave? We can just call it a night, I know you’re not feeling well.” She then happily and apologetically answered: “No no! Stay, please. I’ll be out in just 30 minutes!” Yes. Success was mine. I was so happy she still wanted me there, especially because it was a good sign for the long-term, at least that’s what my brain told me was a good reason and a slew of other reasons that were good for staying. I told her “Ok im just going to chill in your room if that’s alright because you’re friend and Joe pulled out the couch bed and have been making out and taking off clothes underneath the covers.” She apathetically said, “Oh ok”.

I walked over to her bed, made the bed, and then lay down. It was like laying down on a cloud in heaven. I felt a sense of control and peace come over me for the first time that night and I could finally relax amidst a cacophony of belches and fiery darts/farts that my date pushed out on her royal throne. Why she chose to turn on the fan but not run the water to cover her noises was beyond me, but she was hot, so it didn’t matter. I was a man, I could take stuff like diarrhea, IBS, and menstration. I loved this woman, (In a phicklephilly way!) I mean, it was our second date and I was treating her like a husband should treat his wife already. Yea I was a true man. It was so refreshing the whole experience of her saying she still wanted me there in 30 more minutes that I got a second wind while my date had about her fiftieth.

Read the conclusion tomorrow!

 

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Bucket list Bonanza!! — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

I have a bucket list….It is the most incredible bucket list in the world…way better than most peoples because I am actually checking things off my list…If ya didn’t notice flying last week was one of the items on my bucket list…CHECK!! Another item on my bucket list was to go to Mardi Gras….not just any […]

via Bucket list Bonanza!! — Sensuality, Sex & Something else

 

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Tales of Rock – Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee And Nikki Sixx Had The Grossest Bet Ever

Once you’re a famous rock star, all the fun goes out of making a conquest. Instead of having to go to a bar and desperately try to pick someone up, or swipe right on every photo on Tinder in the hopes one single person will like you back, you basically can’t go anywhere without beating groupies off with a stick (pun not intended). Even if you’re the bassist. That’s why you have to throw some roadblocks in your way to make it a little more interesting.

That’s where Motley Crue’s drummer and aforementioned bassist come in. Apparently sick of having foursomes every night, they made a bet with each other over who could go longest without bathing, showering, or washing in any way, and still find a groupie willing to have sex with them and/or not vomit all over them. Spoiler alert: This has gone down in history as “The Spaghetti Incident” so if you are squeamish, tap out now.

So Tommy and Nikki did their thing up on stage every night, getting sweaty and gross in their trouser areas, then would proceed to have sex with up to four women a night, getting even grosser and sweatier down there, and did nothing about it. After even two days of that, most of us would be so disgusted with ourselves that we would give up on the bet, but the members of the Crue managed to go two months.

Two months.

Then finally one night it all came to a head, literally. (Seriously, one last warning. Go look at puppies or something.) Nikki brought a woman to his room to get down, and she started giving him a blowjob. Next thing he knew, she was vomiting all over his junk. Since she had eaten pasta earlier in the night, this became known as “The Spaghetti Incident.” Said pasta apparently “became tangled in his pubic hair.” Instead of freaking out and running for the nearest water, Nikki called for Tommy to come check out what had happened, and admitted he lost the bet. And you will never be able to eat pasta again.

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Kelsey – The One Hour Nightmare – Part 1

“The dam holding back her emotions finally burst and she began crying, turning her eye makeup into dark rivers of grief.”

A few years ago I agreed to a blind date. Numbers were exchanged, phone calls were made and she and I planned to have dinner that Friday evening. This is a timeline of said date.

Enjoy!

6:45 PM – I arrive at her house to pick her up. I know this seems odd for blind date protocol but she had requested that, rather than both of us meet at the restaurant, I pick her up because her car is not street legal. (What?) She walks out of her house dressed in a revealing top, short skirt and heels. Looks kinda hot and I’m a leg man so, all good.

The one thing that seemed odd was that she was wearing enough eye makeup to make the likes of RuPaul and Lady Gaga cringe. As she approached the car, I could smell the distinct aroma of vodka. When she hugged me hello I could tell that she had been pre-gaming this date BIG TIME. I opened the door for her, helped her into the car and away we went to share a magical evening together.

6:55 PM – We arrive at the sushi bar. I had suggested another restaurant for our date – a new locally owned restaurant that had received terrific reviews and was the talk of the town, but she declined the idea based on the fact that she had never heard of the place and that, for a first date, I should take her some place “nice”. The conversation in the car was standard getting-to-know-you stuff. She complimented me on my attire, she requested that music be changed from the alt-rock station to the hip-hop station because she didn’t “listen to that faggot shit” and she questioned whether or not I was a serial killer. Y’know, standard stuff.

7:00 PM – We are seated and given menus. She opens her menu and orders a bottle of Tokyo Rose (a combination of sake and plum wine). As the waiter is walking away, my date opens her menu and says, “Know what’s weird? I really like Jap food but I just can’t stand Japs!” I look up from my menu and search her face for any trace of sarcasm or irony. I also notice out of the corner of my eye that the waiter, upon hearing this, froze in place for a brief moment, shook his head as if he imagined the whole thing and then went about his business. She then continued on. “I also really don’t like…’and proceeded to list every single ethnic and racial slur that I had ever heard and a good number that I had not.’ The waiter returned with our drinks shortly thereafter.

7:06 PM – After placing our food orders (I ordered a tuna roll, she ordered a salad because the thought of eating raw fish make her sick) she asked me an odd question. “Are you hairy?” I cannot recall if anyone had ever asked me that before and was unsure as to how I should answer.

“I’m a grown man, so I do have body hair. I’m not Chewbacca but I don’t look like a 10-year-old boy either.”

Apparently this was an issue for her. “Well if we’re gonna fuck tonight then we need to wax that shit off because I don’t play that way!”

I had already decided before the date began that there was to be no fucking, so I was not too worried about being violently shorn that evening. Quick to change the subject, I decided to ask a question that might distract her vodka-and-saki soaked mind.

“So do you have any tattoos?”

Her eyes lit up and she nodded excitedly.

7:12 PM – My delicate flower of a date throws her leg on to the table, and shows me a tattoo that wraps around her ankle. It’s some generic-looking tribal pattern with a few kanji characters worked in to the design. She explains that the japanese script are actually the names of her future children, Dylan and Skyler. As she rotates her ankle to show off the design, she knocks the half-empty bottle of sake on to the floor.

7:16 PM – An amused waiter assists me with my attempt to soak up the spilled liquor from the carpet while my date reveals her second tattoo.

“My other tattoo is a tramp stamp”, she says, loud enough for everyone to hear, “but I don’t show that to everybody.”

Somehow, my brain thinks that it’s a good idea to ask why not. Her response? “Because it’s a big ol’ heart. I got it so that when you’re fucking me in the ass, you know that I love you!”

The waiter and I lock eyes as I attempt to develop the power of telepathy. I imagine our mental conversation went something like this:

Me: “Dude, you GOTTA help me out here. This chick’s a hot mess. Please just get us our food and bring me the check.”

Him: “Ha ha ha no way man! This is fucking hilarious! I’m gonna go tell everyone in the kitchen to laugh at your sorry ass!”

He promptly vanished in to the kitchen.

 

That all happened in just the first 15 minutes!

Tune in tomorrow for the next 45 minutes of terror on, “One Hour Nightmare!”

 

 

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Tales of Rock – The 10 Wildest Led Zeppelin Legends, Fact-Checked

The Old Hermit in the ‘Led Zeppelin IV’ Gatefold Is a Character From ‘The Lord of the Rings’

THE BACKSTORY: It’s no secret that Led Zeppelin loved The Lord of the Rings. They even sing about “Mordor” and “Gollum” in 1969’s “Ramble On.” So when a mysterious cloaked figure with a lantern who seemed to be straight out of Middle-Earth appeared on the inside cover of their fourth album, many fans assumed it was a figure from J.R.R. Tolkien’s books.

THE TRUTH: “The hermit” was merely inspired by a figure from a Tarot card. Page played the role of the Hermit during a fantasy sequence in Zeppelin’s 1976 movie, The Song Remains the Same.

Led Zeppelin

Hulton Archive/Getty Images

 

The Title of ‘D’yer Mak’er’ Is Based on an Old Cockney Joke About Jamaica

THE BACKSTORY: Many fans think the title of this Houses of the Holy tune is pronounced
“Dire Maker”; in fact, you’re supposed to say it more like the name of the Caribbean country.

THE TRUTH: Plant has confirmed that the title “D’yer Mak’er” does, in fact, come from a rusty bit of Cockney humor, which usually goes something like this:
Cockney Man 1: My wife is going on holiday.
Cockney Man 2: D’yer make ‘er? [“Jamaica,” but pronounced quickly so that it sounds just like “Did you make her?”]
Cockney Man 1: No, she’s going on her own accord. 
The sly allusion to Jamaica made sense for the song: “D’yer Mak’er” is Zeppelin’s reggae move.

Led Zeppelin

Atlantic Records

The Title of Zeppelin’s Fourth Album Is ‘Zoso’

THE BACKSTORY: Their first three albums had simple, sensible titles: Led ZeppelinIIIII.
When it came time for number four, in November 1971, they stripped things down even further, refusing to print a single word anywhere on the record sleeve, not even their own names, apparently in hopes of causing confusion among the hated rock press. “After all we had accomplished, the press was still calling us a hype,” Page said. “So that is why the fourth album was untitled.” Naturally, this created some confusion – and it infuriated Atlantic Records. The band did include four symbols on the cover, one that represented each group member. Page’s symbol seemed to spell out “Zoso.”

THE TRUTH: Page insists the symbols aren’t even letters, although that hasn’t stopped people from referring to the album as Zoso (or Zeppelin IV). Technically the album is untitled.

Randy Olson/National Geographic/Getty Images

Led Zeppelin Once Defiled a Groupie With a Mud Shark

THE BACKSTORY: The most notorious of all Zeppelin legends began when the band played the Seattle Pop Festival on July 27th, 1969, then retired to the Edgewater Inn. The building sits atop Seattle’s Puget Sound; guests can actually fish directly from their windows. The 1985 Led Zeppelin biography Hammer of the Gods – which got much of its information from Zep road manager Richard Cole – describes a graphic scene in one of the rooms. “A pretty young groupie with red hair was disrobed and tied to the bed,” wrote author Stephen Davis. “Led Zeppelin then proceeded to stuff pieces of shark into her vagina and rectum.”

THE TRUTH: This one’s fishy. A different version of the mud-shark incident has Cole as the fish-wielding culprit; the band Vanilla Fudge have also claimed responsibility for the incident. Their drummer, Carmine Appice, says the girl in question was a groupie who’d tagged along with him, and his keyboardist Mark Stein filmed the entire encounter. Zeppelin were supposedly in the hotel at the time, though only John Bonham was around for the incident. Somewhere out there is a sixtysomething woman who might be able to confirm the whole thing, but it’s hard to imagine her coming forward.

Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

Jimmy Page Dated a 14-year-old Girl While He Was in Led Zeppelin

THE BACKSTORY: Lori Maddox was a part of the Los Angeles groupie scene beginning in the early 1970s. According to Maddox, Page became infatuated with her and had a roadie bring Maddox up to his suite at the L.A. Hyatt House. “[He was] wearing this hat over his eyes and holding a cane,” she remembered. “He looked just like a gangster. It was magnificent.” The pair went on to have a torrid affair over the next few years. (Cutie!)

THE TRUTH: Maddox was, amazingly, just 14 when she met Page, though Page did what he could to keep the relationship hidden. Even in the swingin’ Seventies this kind of thing could put you in jail. But with no TMZ or Us Weekly, Page got away with it. He eventually dumped Maddox for the of-legal-age Bebe Buell.

 

jimmy page

Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

Jimmy Page Worshipped the Devil

THE BACKSTORY: Page’s obsession with Aleister Crowley led to whispers that he and Satan were tight; yet another rumor claimed that the members of Led Zeppelin had made a Faustian bargain in exchange for stardom.

THE TRUTH: There’s no evidence Page was a Satanist, though he believed in Crowley’s philosophy of personal liberation. (He even had Crowley’s dictum “Do what thou wilt” inscribed in the run-off groove of the original vinyl releases of Led Zeppelin III.) Page did little to deflect the rumors throughout Zeppelin’s history, perhaps sensing they were good for business. “I don’t really want to go on about my personal beliefs or my involvement in magic,” he told Rolling Stone. “I’m not interested in turning
anybody on to anybody that I’m turned on to. If people want to find things, they find them themselves.”

 

John Bonham

Jorgen Angel/Redferns

John Bonham Drank 40 Shots of Vodka the Night He Died

THE BACKSTORY: Bonham was found dead on the morning of September 25th, 1980, at Page’s house in Windsor Berkshire, after a day of drinking and rehearsing.

THE TRUTH: According to the coroner’s report, the drummer had the equivalent of 40 vodka shots in his system. Bonham had been drinking quadruple vodkas earlier in the day and was so inebriated he failed to wake up when his body began ejecting the alcohol.

 

kieth moon

Chris Morphet/Redferns

Keith Moon of the Who Gave Led Zeppelin Their Name

THE BACKSTORY: In May 1966, Moon and Who bassist John Entwistle recorded the instrumental “Beck’s Bolero” with Page, John Paul Jones and Jeff Beck. The track came out well, and they tossed around the idea of forming a new band. Moon allegedly said the band would go over like a lead balloon. Page remembered the joke two years later when he created Zep.

THE TRUTH: Accounts differ; for decades Entwistle claimed it was he, not Moon, who made the “lead balloon” crack. But history seems to favor Moon’s version.

 

Jimmy Page

Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

Jimmy Page Once Owned Aleister Crowley’s Former Home

THE BACKSTORY: Crowley was a British philosopher and occultist who dabbled in black magic in the early 20th century. Page was obsessed with him, amassing a huge collection of memorabilia.

THE TRUTH: Page did, in fact, purchase Crowley’s former home in Loch Ness, Scotland, in 1971 and later claimed it was haunted – but not necessarily because of Crowley. “There were two or three owners before Crowley moved into it,” Page told Rolling Stone in 1975. “It was also a church that was burned to the ground with the congregation in it. Strange things have happened in that house that had nothing to do with Crowley. The bad vibes were already there. A man was beheaded there, and sometimes you can hear his head rolling down.”

 

Led Zeppelin

Atlantic Records

If You Play ‘Stairway to Heaven’ in Reverse, You Hear Satanic Messages

THE BACKSTORY: Televangelist Paul Crouch brought this allegation into the mainstream in 1982, claiming that, when played backward, the “bustle in your hedgerow” segment of Zep’s signature tune says this: “Here’s to my sweet Satan/The one whose little path would make me sad, whose power is Satan/He will give those with him 666/There was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan.”

THE TRUTH: That part of “Stairway” does sound similar to Crouch’s interpretation when played backward, but it’s just a bizarre coincidence. “Who on Earth would have ever thought of doing that?” Robert Plant said of the backward-Satanism charges. “You’ve got to have a lot of time on your hands to even consider that people would do that.”

 

 

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