Dating and Relationship Advice – 6 Things That Happen When You Meet Your Soulmate

Since this dating and relationship advice column has been so successful. I’ve decided to keep it going. It’s been a huge undertaking. I’ve been doing research day and night, and have learned so much on this new journey. (I’ve even learned some things about myself!) I have appreciated all of the feedback and comments from all of my readers and for that I’m very grateful. I love that phicklephilly has evolved from just stories about my life to a way I can help others.

My writing workload has doubled but it’s been totally worth it. Thank you for all of your love and support.

I’ve decided to stop using stock photos from the internet for the advice column because it’s eating up all of my wordpress memory.

So you’ll get all of the great dating and relationship content, but you’ll have to only see my face on here from now on!

So let’s get back into it!

People more than often imagine and fantasize about their soul-mate. What is my dream person like?

The romantic connection that two souls share is one of the most important things that one couple should cherish forever.

Once this happens we have the expectation of everything to be a certain way, and if you’d like to find out the most common ways people feel when they meet their soul-mate, read below!

1. It’s a Miracle

You actually get the feeling like you’re experiencing a living miracle, which it actually is. That emotional state that you’re in is nothing less than a miracle, but not only for you but for the both of you. You feel a strange sense of fulfillment, belonging and love, and you feel like everything is going right.

Falling in love is one of the most important things that happen in your life.

2. Problem Solving Made Easy

Your partner should not only be your love interest, your partner should also provide you with the help that you need in order to grow as a person. You are going to have more space to fix other things in your life.

Writers say that a partner is someone who is not only your love, but your roommate, a joint-parent, and a financial partner who you cannot imagine your life without. Sure, being single is definitely not the worst thing and you for sure have the choice to be single if you want to, but having a partner gives you the opportunity to share a life with a soul through time becomes one with yours.

When you have someone to rely on, you feel more secure and more at peace with things. You’re going to come up with solutions and do everything a lot easier and quicker.

3. You Create Deeper and Broader Relationships with Others

Once you have finally done it and you believe that you have truly found your one true love and your soul-mate, you’re going to have more of the freedom and time that you need to devote to your family and friends, creating deeper and more meaningful relationships with them. This is because now you finally know a lot more about what love is, and what life really is about.

Make sure to make friends with the ones who support your relationship for the right reasons. Your real friends will support your love and encourage you to do the right things for your partner. They will always be realistic and constructive when it comes to giving advice regarding your relationship as well.

4. You Become a Matchmaker

Once you are in a relationship that you are growing and working on with the love of your life, you start seeing around, looking at your friends wanting the same for them. You want them to feel what sharing your life with someone looks like, and you try your best to help them out find someone.

You want to share the amazing feeling of fulfillment that you’re experiencing daily. And thanks to all of the knowledge you’ve collected throughout your relationship regarding love and having a partner, you become an eligible matchmaker, trying to find the best for your friend.

5. A Whole New World

Now that you are a person in a relationship, your whole entire world turns upside down, for all of the right reasons. You see a new reason for living life. You feel fulfilled and you just want the same for all your loved ones. Not only that, you’re also thinking about the future differently. This is all thanks to your very own soul-mate. And they feel the same way about you too.

The both of you are thinking about starting a new life together in terms of family. It’s all magical and it quickly becomes a priority for your, which is absolutely amazing.

6. Productivity

Since you’re so energized, you get the love that you deserve and need, you have a lot more enthusiasm to finish all of the errands that you need to run. At the end of the day, once you finish work you have a soul-mate to get back to! Which makes life 110% more magical.

 

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 5 Questions To Ask On A First Date (If You Really Want To Get To Know Someone)

Photo: getty

Going on a date and unsure about what to talk about? We can help!

Are you going on a date tonight and are wondering what are the best questions to ask someone on a first date?

First dates are scary but it is important that you do make an effort to ask some very important questions, questions that will allow you to make an informed decision about a second date.

Because that’s the goal, right? A second date and hopefully a third.

The questions below are important to ask. You can ask them in whatever way you want, directly or in a more roundabout way but ask them you should!

1. “Are you married?”

Seriously? You need to ask that question? The answer is a resounding “Yes!”

You would be amazed at how many married people out there want to date other people. Some of them are in open marriages and some of them just want to fool around. Either way you want to know the answer.

If the answer is yes, you need to decide if you want to be involved with a married person. Being involved with a married person brings with it a multitude of issues, most notably the fact that he will never be available to be YOUR guy, no matter what he says.

Do you want that?

2. “How long have you been single?”

Once you know they are single it’s important to know how long they have been single.

As a general rule of thumb, I recommend that you not date someone who has been divorced within the last two years. Divorce wreaks havoc that regular breakups do not and the recovery period is longer. A newly divorced person just won’t be ready for you, in spite of what they might think.

If your potential partner has just gone through a non-marriage breakup, that could also be a red flag. Someone who is newly out of a relationship could be, consciously or unconsciously, looking for a rebound relationship. You do not want to be the rebound person.

Ideally, your prospective mate would be someone who has been single for a period of time, not just because they have had time to recover from a breakup but because it’s more likely that they are no longer attached to the person they broke up with.

Nobody wants to date someone who is still holding a torch for someone else, do they?

3. “Are you employed?”

One of the first questions we ask when we meet anyone is “What do you do?” It’s what Americans do. And it can be a tough question to answer, especially in this day and age when people do a variety of things at once.

A more important question is “Are you currently working?”

Why do you want to know the answer to this question? Because you want to know if they are financially and emotionally secure.

Financial security is obvious. No one wants to get involved with someone who can’t carry his or her weight, financially. The emotional security is a tougher one.

People who are unemployed are often in a delicate position emotionally. They could be actively seeking work and unable to find any. They could be thinking that the work out there is below them and refuse to compromise. They could have had issues at an old job that continue on into new jobs. All of these situations could lead to insecurity and low self-esteem.

Insecurity and low self-esteem are not things that lend themselves well to a healthy relationship. And DON’T think that you can fix them because you can’t.

So ask not only “What do you do” but “Where do you do it?”

4. “Do you get along with your family?”

Really? Knowing how someone gets along with his or her family is important?

The family is the fundamental relationship of someone’s life and how they interact with that family is important to know.

If your date talks about the close relationship he has with his siblings and that his mother drives him nuts but that he talks to her every Sunday then you know that this person is capable of a healthy emotional connection.

If your date talks about the family that lives across the country who he hasn’t seen in years then it is possible the deep emotional connection might be more difficult for him. Why? Because the basic human connection that we make as children influences who we are as grown-ups.

And someone who has a rough relationship with his family could be tough to truly connect with.

So ask the question and listen carefully to his answer.

5. Do you have kids?

This one is so important because kids change everything.

Kids can, more than any other single thing, affect a relationship because kids are, more often than not, the priority. They will be made the priority above you every single time. Every single time.

And maybe that’s okay with you. Maybe you have kids too and understand the priorities. Or maybe you are willing to make his kids your priority as well.

But maybe it’s not. Maybe you want to always be first or maybe you just aren’t ready to have kids. And that’s okay.

So ask the question. Because kids will always come first, no matter what you might tell yourself going in.

We all go on our first dates, hoping for the best. Hoping that this will be the ONE who will end our lonely days forever. And with that hope comes a reluctance to ask questions.

Why? Because we often don’t want to know the answers.

It’s important to know a few basic facts about someone before you commit to spending more time developing a relationship. Without knowing the facts you could miss some serious red flags and waste a HUGE amount of time in your search for the ONE.

So ask the questions. Get your answers early. Get your answers so you can decide to fish or cut bait right away. Because there are other fish in the sea. Fish who might be better for you. And tastier.

So go on! Ask your questions! You can do it!

 

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – Couples with Successful Marriages Have These 13 Things in Common

Not surprisingly, there are some things that successful marriages have in common. So, for people who want to have a successful marriage, these are the things they need to focus on. They will work for every person in every relationship and just need to be applied to work.

Ready? Here are the 13 things every successful marriage has:

1. Have Realistic Expectations

Notice this article is about what “successful” marriages have, not perfect ones. That’s because there’s no such thing as an ideal relationship. Every relationship will have good times and hard times, and those who are in successful ones know that it’s not always going to be butterflies and rainbows.

Setting realistic expectations for the relationship, however, is not nearly as important as setting realistic expectations for partners. If a person sets up unreachable expectations for their partner, they will always be disappointed since their partner can’t meet their expectations.

2. Have The Right Motives

When two people get together, their best chance of success comes if they’re together for the right motives. Not wanting to be alone is not the right motive for getting married, and neither is following family or religious traditions.

When two people are together because they genuinely love each other and want to spend every moment together, that’s the right motivation. When two people are together because they’re ready to do whatever it takes to stay together, that’s the right motivation.

3. Are Two Successful People

A successful marriage always has two successful people, and that’s not to say they’re both at the top of their career tracks. It is to say that each partner is mature, healthy, and able to say that they are successful on their own, that their success in life is not tied to their marriage.

When a marriage has an unhealthy member, that person will always look to the other for support and validation, and the healthy person then has to work twice as hard to keep the marriage working right. When both individuals are emotionally unhealthy, it just gets worse.

4. Be Completely Honest

The worst thing someone can do in a marriage is to reach out to someone outside of their marriage when they have a problem with their marriage. The only person that can solve that person’s marriage problem is the person they’re married to, so that should be the one they’re going to with a question.

The more painful a subject is, the more critical it is that it be brought up to a marriage partner rather than anyone else. Part of that honesty means both partners need to be trustworthy and open to hearing harsh truths. Only then can they be worked through successfully.

5. Respect The Other

Even more important than communication is respect. Every successful relationship has two people who respect each other in every imaginable way. If a person loses their respect for their partner, it usually isn’t long before the relationship starts to fall apart.

In successful relationships, each partner respects the other for who they are as a person, what they believe in, what their interests are, and what their dreams and aspirations are. They recognize that they won’t always agree on everything, but they still respect each other.

6. Have Good Fights

The measure of success in a relationship does not come from how infrequently or even how gently a couple of fights. The truth is that couples that fight more often (and sometimes even more loudly) are more successful than those who don’t fight.

The key is that they both allow the other person to express themselves and say what they need to say, then they resolve the problem. Sometimes, it’s not entirely settled as a compromise can’t be made, but what’s important is that it’s left in the past when it’s over.

7. Feel Genuine Forgiveness

Even more important than fighting is the forgiveness that follows in successful relationships. When a successful couple forgives each other, it means complete remission, which means wiping the slate clean and not allowing the offense to affect their relationship.

Something that successful marriages don’t do is keep bringing up old fights and hurts because they have genuinely forgiven the other person and no longer allow those things to come up. Forgiveness is the only way for couples to keep moving forward without allowing past hurts to hurt their future.

8. Have Rules

Although it seems strange for a loving, thriving relationship to have rules, these are incredibly important for making sure that both partners are on the same page and will prevent a lot of conflicts, frustration, and problems.

Relationship rules should be written out and cover everything from finances to how often a couple goes out on dates. Successful relationships stick to these rules and allow them to improve their lives and their relationships by encouraging them to keep their relationship healthy, open, and consistent.

9. Have Space Between Partners

Without some space between two people, it can be complicated to be able to enjoy each other since they don’t spend any time apart. It can often lead to co-dependency as each partner begins to need to get everything from their partner alone.

Having some space for each person to pursue their own interests and have their own friends allows each partner to get social interaction and personal fulfillment elsewhere that they can then bring into their marriage. It also gives them something to talk about.

10. Embrace Changes

Change is inevitable, and successful marriages continued to love, accept, and support their partner through every type of change that life may bring. It could be as something small as a haircut, or something as major as a change in religion.

As people go through life, they’re going to change, and in successful marriages, both partners accept the change that happens and are willing to fall in love with the person their partner is becoming because they recognize that marriage is a lifelong commitment.

11. Focus on Little Things

Little things in marriages always add up to big things. This can be positive or negative, depending entirely on what little things are happening in the relationship. Successful couples pay attention to the little things because they know what can happen if they don’t.

Snarky comments and little insults will add up to resentment and big hurts. Washing dishes and kissing before leaving the house will add up to mutual contentment satisfaction. When it’s little negative things, the sooner they’re dealt with, the better.

12. A Lot of Sex

Of course, the frequency of sex varies significantly from marriage to marriage, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, it’s something that many couples miss the importance of in their relationship. But, when there is an emotional disconnect or a hurt, lack of sex is often the first sign.

Some couples have even used sex as a way to repair their relationship when things are feeling a bit dry. They merely commit to having sex every day for a week no matter what, and immediately feel closer to each other by the end.

13. Surfers

A surfer rides the waves of the ocean as they go up and down, and can be stronger or weaker. In a successful marriage, both partners surf the emotional waves that naturally come. They recognize that sometimes will be better than others, but they stick with their partner no matter what.

Sometimes, these waves come in the form of feeling a lack of love towards a partner, something that can last for a few days or even a few years. But in a successful marriage, that partner sticks with it, rides it out, and rediscovers their love that they would have missed had they bailed.

 

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 7 Signs That You’re Destroying Your Relationship

When something goes wrong in our relationships, we tend to blame our partner. But it takes two to build them, and it’s impossible for just one half to always be guilty of everything.

We at Bright Side think you should take note of these 7 signs that something’s not right in your relationship. So the one destroying it is you, if…

You’re addicted to gadgets

7 Signs That You’re Destroying Your Relationship

If you spend most of your free time on your smartphone, it can be an addiction, and one that is harmful to your relationship, as found by scientists from the University of Arizona. Try switching to something else, like reading a book or making plans. Use special apps to control your time on the Web (such as Rescue Time).

You’re unable to set priorities

7 Signs That You’re Destroying Your Relationship

If you have a really busy schedule that doesn’t include a personal life, just set it as important on your list of priorities. You can use special planning apps too, like Any.do (iOS, Android).

There’s also the 2/2/2 method that’ll help save romance: go on a date with your loved one once every 2 weeks, go somewhere for a weekend once every 2 months, and go on vacation together every 2 years.]

You don’t show support

7 Signs That You’re Destroying Your Relationship

A simple “thank you” seems so trivial that many forget to say it altogether. However, if your loved one does something for you, don’t take it for granted. Everyone needs a kind word, so thank your partner for simple things, and do it regularly.

You talk formally

7 Signs That You’re Destroying Your Relationship

Loving people talk to each other openly and sincerely. Share your emotions and details of your day, and listen to each other. Think of nontrivial questions. Instead of “How was your day?“ try ”What was the most interesting part of today?“ or “What made you laugh today?”

If something about your partner upsets you, say it without reproach using ”me“-messages. It’s not ”Don’t you dare say that!” It’s “Your words upset me.”

You get angry at trifles

7 Signs That You’re Destroying Your Relationship

Don’t try to remake your loved one. Their peculiar features are what you love them for. Better make them see the results of their actions for themselves. If your husband scatters his socks everywhere, tell him they’ll only get into the laundry from a particular place. When he runs out of socks, no words will be necessary.

You’re unable to negotiate

7 Signs That You’re Destroying Your Relationship

Concentrate on solving problems together. Try to discuss the problem before it reaches boiling point. When you’re having an important talk, touch your partner to make them comfortable. And remember the rule of one problem, one talk.

During a fight, leave the room, even just for half a minute. When you’ve calmed down a bit, the talk will become more productive.

You have no trust

7 Signs That You’re Destroying Your Relationship

If you want a warm and close relationship, learn to believe your loved one is honest with you. Don’t demand reports of where they’ve been without you, and don’t look through their phone and email. Unjustified suspicion might make your partner feel compelled to do what they’re being suspected of. Concentrate on the good.

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Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – 5 Signs You’re Dating an Emotional Psycho

When a relationship ends, we begin to analyze what happened and look for the true cause of the breakup. It’s hard to understand immediately whether it was just a coincidence or an emotional outburst.

We wants to help you recognize people who behave suspiciously. There are 5 types of behavior that characterize an emotional psycho.

1. They always blame you if there are difficulties in the relationship.

5 Signs You’re Dating an Emotional Psycho

Don’t think they’re stupid and don’t understand anything. On the contrary, they know this is their fault, but their nature simply doesn’t allow them to admit their mistake. They seek to make you think that whatever bad is going on, you’re always the only one to blame.

2. They’re constantly lying to make you feel bad.

5 Signs You’re Dating an Emotional Psycho

Speaking of lies, it’s worth focusing on the fact that a person will lie not only on some global topics — they’re able to deceive out of nowhere. From this position, they absolutely don’t care about your feelings, and they don’t even realize what they’re doing.

3. They blame you for the fact they’re unable to achieve something in life.

5 Signs You’re Dating an Emotional Psycho

This person is mentally ill. They believe everyone around them is guilty for their failures. As mentioned above, your feelings aren’t important to them. They’ll repeat the same thing over and over again: “It’s because of you I cannot achieve my goals.”

4. They diminish your dignity by all means.

5 Signs You’re Dating an Emotional Psycho

To a person like this, you mean exactly as much as a dusty remote control. They found a perfect person who has warm feelings for them, and they control you to satisfy their petty needs. There can be no mutual feelings at all.

5. They forbid you to communicate with other people.

5 Signs You’re Dating an Emotional Psycho

Being with such a person, it’s almost impossible to ask for help. By limiting communications with the world around you, they bind you to them forever by making you feel sure you can survive in this world only by staying with them.

It’s better to stay away from people who behave like this because they can take away the most precious thing you have: your life.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – If a man does these 5 things in private, it’s because he really loves you!

Today, sentimental relationships are not the same as they used to be; current couples are characterized by not lasting long, something that generates some insecurity, especially for women when they trust that their partner really wants something real and serious with them, or simply wants to have fun.

Identifying whether a man really loves you or if he just wants to use you for fun may be a bit difficult, so today I want to help you in this regard and tell her what the 5 things men are doing intimately, when they really loves his partner and wants her to spend the rest of her life with him.

Men can become very smart when they get what they want, so it’s very easy for them to make you believe that they really love you, when in fact all they want is to have fun.

Women, on the other hand, tend to get excited and believe that what the other person shows them is truly real.

That’s why it’s very important to consider these 5 things that men do in private when they really love their partner, to avoid falling into any kind of sentimental deception.

Of course there are also those men who are looking for something true and transcendental, far beyond sex, and only with the 5 I offer below, you can identify them.

Pay attention; These are the 5 things men do in privacy when they’re really looking for something serious, and if they do # 3 it’s because they really do not plan to leave their partner ever!

1. In the most intimate moments, a man always kisses his partner.

2. He trys to keep intercourse going as long as possible.

3. He’s aware that you also enjoy the sex.

4. He embraces you after an intimate session.

5. He looks into your eyes and says that he loves you.

It is important to remember that women are very thorough, so they are always very attentive to those types of details that are responsible for showing clear signs of partner’s affection.

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Dating and Relationship Advice – If a woman has THESE 14 qualities you should never let her go

EVERYONE gets to an age where finding a long-lasting relationship feels more important than flings and holiday romances.

Now, scientists have pinpointed the qualities that men should look for in a woman they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

Compiling years worth of studies on love and relationships, Business Insider has narrowed down the 14 most appealing qualities of women that men should look out for. How many do you check off?

She’s smarter than you

It’s always good to have someone that can challenge you intellectually, but studies find an intelligent partner can be so much more than that: it could protect you from dementia in later life.

Lawrence Whalley, professor emeritus of the University of Aberdeen, researches dementia. He says: “The thing a boy is never told he needs to do if he wants to live a longer life — but what he should do — is marry an intelligent woman. There is no better buffer than intelligence.”

She’s honest

This one is hardly surprising: honesty is the foundation of any strong relationship. And studies have confirmed that men want to have an honest woman by their side when they look for a long term committed relationship.

She has a positive outlook

Being around positive people is good for our mental health, and negative people will rub off on us. So it’s no wonder studies have found being with a positive partner is better for men’s health. Remember: the glass is half full.

She compromises with you

Psychologists of the UCLA studied 172 married couples for 11 years and came to a simple thesis – it’s all to do with compromising.

“It’s easy to be committed to your relationship when it’s going well,” said senior study author Thomas Bradbury. “As a relationship changes, however, shouldn’t you say at some point something like, ‘I’m committed to this relationship, but it’s not going very well — I need to have some resolve, make some sacrifices and take the steps I need to take to keep this relationship moving forward.”

The study found those willing to compromise more lead a happier relationship.

She laughs at your jokes

A big part of a relationship is having a similar sense of humour. When we know our partner finds us funny (i.e. they laugh at our jokes) we feel confident and positive in the relationship. But studies find it’s more important for men.

In 2006 a study by psychologists of Westfield State University, confirmed this suggesting that having a partner who thinks they are funny is more important for men than for women.

She has an open heart

A study by the University of Westminster suggests that women who are open, loving and able to talk about their feelings are seen as more attractive.

She supports your goals and pursues her own

It’s all well and good supporting your partner’s goals and motivating them, but studies find men prefer women who have their own goals and who aren’t dependent.

She has a good relationship with her parents

It’s commonly said that if you want to know what your partner will look like in 30 years, look at their parents. And studies show a good relationship with her parents can mean good things for yours.

Researchers of the University of Alberta studied 2970 people of all ages and saw a clear correlation between the relationship to the parents in their teen years and how their love life was going later on in life.

She’s kind

Science says that the keys to a long and happy relationship are kindness and generosity. In an interview with Atlantic, Psychologist John Gottman said a characteristic of a happy partner is that: “They are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully.”

She remains calm in fights and calms you down too

Everyone has arguments in relationships, but two hotheads competing against one another can blow things out of proportion.

Researchers of the University of California Berkeley and Northwest University followed 80 couples for 13 years and found that relationships last longest if the woman can calm herself during a fight and then calm the man down. Interestingly, the effect is not the same if the man is the one to calm down first.

She does foolish things with you

Studies find relationships last longer if the couple has the same idea of fun. So essentially: if she’ll party with you, go to festivals with you and loves the same comedians as you, you’re on to a winner.

She has a life of her own

Space apart is important for any relationship, and it’s been proven by a long term study of the University of Michigan. “When individuals have their own friends, their own set of interests, when they are able to define themselves not by their spouse or relationship, that makes them happier and less bored,” author of the study, Terry Orbuch, said in an interview with The Wall Street Journal.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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