The Chauffeur

One of the worst dates I’ve ever gone on was all my fault.

I met a girl on tinder who I had been talking to for a while. She always flaked on me last minute or would randomly start ignoring me. We tried a few times, but she always bailed so I just gave up.

Finally she reached out again to meet up and said she wasn’t over an ex or something but now she was so I agreed.

Anyway, a little back story, I had been out of the country for over a year traveling so when I got back to the USA I moved in with my parents and basically didn’t have any clothes except the few I bought when I got back as the rest were in a storage unit.

I throw all my clothes in the wash after work to be ready for my date. About 1.5 hours later I went to take them out of the wash and throw them in the dryer, and noticed the washing machine was still filled with water. I didn’t know what to do so I just picked out the outfit I wanted and threw it in the dryer. . . they were soaked.

She took and Uber to the bar where we were meeting and literally texted me that she was there and I hadn’t even left them house yet. I was only like 7 minutes away and just blamed not being able to find my keys or something, and that I would just be a few minutes late. I didn’t want to cancel the whole time because I finally got a date with her but literally my clothes were still sooooo soggy and damp.

Whatever, I threw them on. Now the situation gets worse.

Can’t find my wallet ANYWHERE. I panic and leave without it. Thankfully my friend is manager of the bar so I give him a call to make sure I can pay another time. He says no problem and will let the bartender know.

I drive to the bar holding my shirt out the window in my wet jeans and boxers. I see her and she gets up to give me a hug and I have to explain why I’m wet, she laughs, thinks its funny, whatever.

Finally we are ready to leave, and the bartender gives me the check. WTF that wasn’t supposed to happen. I stall for a bit and then see my friend is finished her shift. . . yes she works there too lol, I didn’t tell my date any of this though. I tell my date I knew those people over by (where my friend was having an after shift drink with her other server friends) and I was going to say hi before we left. I discreetly toss my friend the check and say I’ll explain later. Perfect, crisis averted.

Now we leave the bar and I ask her if I can give her a ride home instead of Ubering, she agrees. I get in the car and notice I have little fuel. . . but no worries I read even when it hits 0 you can still go for a while. Of course she lives in like the furthest point of the town from where we are. It’s like up these winding hills in the middle of the woods. Of course, my car comes to a halt. That was a difficult one to explain, and finally I just had to admit I couldn’t find my wallet but I didn’t want to cancel the date and now my car is out of gas.

No worries, I go to call a Lyft, as that’s the only ride share app I have. Of course, we’re in such a remote area there aren’t any, not to mention its late. Can’t download Uber because I don’t have a credit card on me so she has to call one. We have to awkwardly wait for soooo long. Even worse, the first 2 gas stations we go to are closed. Finally we get to a Wawa that’s open. We go in and by a gas canister and I had to turn to her for payment. She gets us that and fills it with gas. We go to get in the Uber and he won’t let me in with a gas can.

We finally get back to my car still sitting in the middle of the road because I don’t know how to put it in neutral to move it when the car is not on. I drive her to her house and before I leave she hands be $10 for gas to get myself home.

My wallet was swimming in the washing machine. What a night…

I got a second date.

 

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Another Life – Chapter 32

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=445

 

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Six Things You Shouldn’t Do On a First Date, According To Dating Psychologists

First dates can be a mixed bag. You can go into them thinking you’re going to meet the love of your life and walk out reflecting on an evening of insipid small talk, wondering why you spent your only free evening of the week discussing your respective commutes.

It has become even trickier with dating apps, when you risk meeting someone whose witty bio and filtered profile photos don’t quite match up with the person sitting across from you.

And even if you do end up liking the person, that in itself conjures up a panoply of anxieties: what if they don’t laugh at your jokes? Did you just talk about yourself too much? What happens if they hate the wine you’ve chosen?

It can all get a little bit overwhelming. Thankfully, dating experts say there are some unilateral first date don’ts that, when applied, should make things easier for everyone involved. Buckle up.

When conversation runs dry and you realise you haven’t even made it through your glass of cheap red wine, it can be tempting to call it a day or, in other words, do a runner without so much as saying goodbye.

But this tactic is best avoided, says dating and relationships psychologist Madeleine Mason Roantree.

“Unless you have a genuine emergency, this is just mean,” she tells The Independent. “I’m always amazed when people think that ghosting is a kind way of saying ‘no thanks’. It’s cowardice and pathetic. Don’t do it.”

If things are going south early on, at least have the decency to stay for one drink.

2. No ‘negging’

It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, or, more specifically, in Neil Strauss’ controversial pickup artist handbook The Game, which famously encourages men to criticise women in order to seduce them, a hideous tactic Strauss dubbed “negging”.

Don’t do this, says Mason, who strongly advises against engaging in any sort of psychological gameplay when you’re dating someone – particularly on the first date. “This usually backfires for those looking for long-term romance,” she says.

“I have had clients of both genders who employ behaviours that try and get their date to ‘win them over’. It doesn’t work.”

3. Don’t talk about the future

When you’re on a first date and you’re getting on with someone like a house on fire, you might find yourself planning your wedding in your head when you take a toilet break.

But, as fun as fantasizing about your future with a total stranger can be, dating coach Jo Hemmings advises against letting your mind run away with you when it comes to making plans, whether it’s inviting them to your own wedding or asking them to come to a BBQ next weekend.

“Concentrate on the here and now” she tells The Independent, “rather than suggesting they might join you for an event further down the line. However much you like them initially, it’s just too much too soon.”

4. Don’t start quizzing them on their CV

Ever seen The Ugly Truth? There’s a scene when Katherine Heigl’s character is on a first date with a man she’s just met and within minutes of sitting down, Heigl is asking where he sees himself in 10 years. It’s particularly difficult to watch.

“Don’t treat the date like an interview,” says Hemmings.“You might want to know all about them, but some questions (think: “How did you choose to spend your free time during the career gap you had in 2017?” and “What attracted you to me in the first instance?”) are just a bit much to ask on a first date.

“Ask questions by all means, but first dates are about reciprocal disclosure in conversational form,” Hemmings adds.

5. Don’t bring a friend

It might sound obvious, but bringing a friend along to a date for moral support is not advised.

While it can be helpful to employ a wingman/wingwoman in the early stages of wooing to help land you a date with someone, bringing this person along on the date itself is not a wise strategy, Mason advises.

“It’s awkward and a major turn off for the person you’re meeting,” she says. “A client of mine recently did this and, needless to say, the date was cut short and no future ones were planned.”

6. Don’t ask for favors

Let’s say the date isn’t going well. But you’re an aspiring photographer, and you’ve realised that all is not lost, because the person you’re with runs a successful photography studio. Perhaps they’d make a dull romantic partner, but an exciting business one, you think, in a bid to turn lemons into lemonade.

Tempting as it may be, do not exploit someone you’re on a date with for their expertise or skills, says Mason. It’s simply not the right time.

“Before I met my husband, I had several first dates who thought they could use that time to tell me about their woes,” Mason recalls. “In one case I had to tell the person that I was not working.”

 

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Brooke – Insanity Girl

One time I went on a tinder date with this girl, Brooke. She was smoking hot. We’re talking Instagram fame hot. I start talking to her, we exchange numbers, she sent me some topless pics on snapchat. I’m basically on top of the world.

She calls me a day before we meet up and asks me a lot of weird, way too personal questions. Right off the bat her personality seemed pretty weird but I figured she was just kind of quirky.

I take her out to dinner and this girl has horrible table manners. She tells me all about the guy she had been seeing recently, (like a week before I came to find out) and keeps asking me questions about my money, dick size, if I can do a backflip, all kinds of odd shit.

After we eat I take her to my house to watch a movie or something. There were so many red flags going off in my head about this girls personality, but she was so beautiful I didn’t listen to my conscience. (I never do. Beauty always wins.)

I take her to my house and we start watching movies. This girl gets up out of the seat and starts running around my house! Almost aimlessly. Just sprinting. Not saying anything at all. Just running from place to place, not making eye contact with me and not acknowledging anything I say. I was actually terrified at this point. I wasn’t afraid of getting hurt, I was more afraid because I thought I was watching someone who was just clinically insane. She was just totally disconnected… Anyway, so we got to fooling around a little bit after that and I called it quits.

I once had a cat that did that running around aimlessly thing, so it’s pretty normal. Just let them get it out their system, then they come back to the couch and you can pet them again.

She leaves later that night and I’m still processing what happened.

I keep texting her because I’m an idiot and she’s hot.

For some reason she starts getting angry when I don’t text her back within 5 minutes. Literally 5 minutes pass and she said “Fuck you.” Out of nowhere, for no reason. At this point is when my brain finally kicked in and I blocked her, deleted her number, blocked and deleted her on every other form of social media as well.

Other odd thing about her, she told me one day she ate a whole chicken in one sitting and drank the grease up.

No girl is attractive enough to outweigh insanity.

 

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Woman asks if she’s an asshole for choosing video games over her ex. The internet is divided

Long-term relationships always require compromise in order to thrive. Regardless of how peaceful the waters are, or how much you have in common when it comes to world outlook, there will always be small sacrifices required to make a relationship work.

One of the hardest parts of compromising in a relationship is figuring out the lines between giving up parts of yourself, and making changes for your partner. For example, demanding someone gives up a hobby is a different request than asking they cut down some of their hobby time so you can hang out.

In a recent Reddit post on the subreddit Am I The Asshole, commenter yhrowawayvideoganems asked the internet if she mishandled a situation with her now ex-girlfriend.

“AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over my video games.

So I have a decent video collection, I will not post pictures as I do not want this post linked to my actual account.”

The OP (original poster) has collected and played video games for years, and it’s a solid part of her relaxation time. After two years together, her (ex) girlfriend and her decided to take the leap to move in together. However, OP’s ex-girlfriend had one fairly large request before moving in: that OP get rid of her entire video game collection.

“My girlfriend of 2 years 25f and me 24f decided we wanted to move in together, she kinda mentioned getting rid of my collection but I thought she was joking so I brushed it off. Turns out she wanted me to get rid of my whole video game collection, some of my games are worth some money and I’ve been keeping them so they can become more expensive. My collection is also 3 years of me thrift shopping and I do not want to throw that away, I tried to explain it but she refused and told me that I did not love her enough to make this sacrifice.”

When OP explained that she really values the games, and at this point getting rid of them would be a huge and unwanted sacrifice, her ex gave an ultimatum: the relationship or the games.

“About 2/3 days ago she called me and said it’s me or the fucking video games. I chose the games and she hung up on me. Everyone that I’ve spoken to (excluding a few people) have been telling me I fucked up, and that I should of picked her over some games. AITA?”

In the end, OP chose the games over her ex, and now people in her life are claiming she made a mistake. So, as many of us in the modern age do, OP turned to the internet to get a consensus on whether picking the games made her an asshole or not.

AnimalLover38 doesn’t think it’s a jerk move, since relationships shouldn’t be made or broken based on ultimatums.

“NTA, ultimatums almost never work anyways and are sometimes used as an easy way out of a relationship.”

“Unless OP was jobless and spent every waking moment playing games rather then being an adult with a job then there’s no reason for her gf to make such a big deal out of it. Maybe OP’s girlfriend wanted out of the relationship but didn’t know how to do it so she just chose the one thing she knew OP would never part with and made a big deal out of it.”

dandelionii echoed the fact that ultimatums are manipulative, and it was perfectly fine for OP to pick her hobby.

“NTA, ultimatums are stupid and unfair and if she’s willing to make this big of a deal over a videogame collection (which you presumably purchased with your own money) it doesn’t bode well for the future.”

merinis pointed out the fact that a healthy relationship would involve someone who shares an interest in video games, or at least understands and doesn’t mock it.

“Exactly. OP would be better off finding someone that isn’t trying to be so controlling, and maybe even someone that shares his her interests.”

Hunterstewartmurdock defended ultimatums as a right in any relationship, and pointed out that people are allowed to have dealbreakers and lay them out for their partner. That being said, they don’t think OP is a jerk for wanting to keep their collection.

“I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with an ultimatum, some things are dealbreakers for people and that’s alright. If I dated someone with bad hygiene and they refused to shower every day, I would demand better hygiene from them. If not I would leave. It doesn’t make me an asshole and it doesn’t make them an asshole, it just means maybe our priorities don’t line up and we aren’t right for each other. They can do find someone else who is ok with their flaws and I can find someone who is ok with my flaws.”

“That being said, demanding that she get rid of her collection is petty and demeaning. NTA in this case for sure, but very close to NAH in my opinion.”

Rich000123 defended the ex-girlfriend by pointing out how vague the original post is, and that it sounds like there are important details left out. It’s never made clear how large the collection is, or whether OP has a videogame addiction, or whether this has been an ongoing conversation, all of which would paint the larger picture.

“The vague response from the OP makes me certain that there is more to it. OP is also not even offering any potential reasons for why the gf is making the ultimatum. I can’t accept that they have been together for 2 years and she has no idea where the ultimatum is coming from. The intentionally vagueness, along with the friends saying she is TA makes me lean towards believing that the OP is intentionally leaving INFO is therefore the TA.”

“As a side note – I see a lot of projecting in the comments for why people are claiming the ultimatum happened. I can agree in some ways that a ultimatum alone is a reason to end the relationship but there is a lot of excess explanation that people have determined (e.g. the gf doesn’t like gaming, the gf wants all the attention on her) which the OP has never claimed. Let’s everyone try and stick with the fact that we know.”

not_really_an_elf brought up the fact that OP’s IRL friends think they’re an asshole, which indicates there is more to the story than is being told. The fact that they refused to post a picture of the collection doesn’t make them look good.

“Mate, I bet the reason people you know irl are telling you you’re an arsehole is because they’ve seen your collection. Post pictures or describe exactly how much space they take up.”

PolitenessPolice echoed the call for more info, because the omissions seem purposeful.

“INFO

I refuse to believe that’s all there is to this, people don’t just act like this unless there’s something wrong. Like, how they’re stacked, is it a hoarding problem, how much money do you spend on games, how much time do you spend playing them, etc.”

“Like, nobody acts that irrationally for no reason and especially not over bloody games. There’s got to be more. Did she give a reason? Has she ever shown any disdain for your collection previously over the years?”

DirtyPotatoPeople suspects this may be a hoarder situation, in which case the OP is the asshole in denial.

“I think it’s perfectly reasonable – depending on how big this “collection” is – to not want a big portion of your space devoted to games no one is playing. I wouldn’t have thrown out an ultimatum like that but the gf is perfectly justified in pushing for them to be put in storage or something.”

“OP is also being suspiciously vague about the whole situation, including the extent of her collection, which makes me think she’s either being dishonest or simply in denial about her hoarding habits.”

“Just sounds like a validation post to me and all the immediate jumping on board with OP because of reddit’s hate of anti-video-game anything makes me sad because I honestly don’t think what she’s collecting is the issue here.”

 

The real question left at hand is what do YOU dear reader, think of this situation?!

 

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Nadia and Frankie

So I’d been chatting to a girl named Nadia on Tinder for a week or so and we had organized to go on a date the next Thursday; we were both pretty busy and that was the only night we were both free. The weekend comes around and I meet a girl at a party. Frankie (the girl at the party) and I hit it off straight away and we play some beer pong, talk and generally just have a good time. I walked her home and we set a date for Tuesday.

Tuesday comes around and we have a great time. Met for coffee late evening, went for a walk around the city and got dinner. She says that her roommate won’t be home until later and invites me back to her apartment for a movie and after the first half of Guardians of the Galaxy, we get to having sex.

I go to the kitchen to get a drink and, being home alone, I decide that just wearing my underwear will be fine. So I’m at the sink, gulping down water in my underwear when I hear a rattle. It’s not coming from Frankie’s room, it’s coming from the front door. I panicked, turned to face the front door and as it opened, I vaguely recognized the girl’s face.

Turns out Nadia and Frankie lived together.

Obviously almost-naked me is the last thing poor Nadia expected to see when she came home; she managed to get about 3 steps into the hallway before she even noticed someone was there. As soon as she did, she screamed and bundled herself back against the door, clearly thinking I’m some weird guy who breaks into people’s apartments semi-naked to steal tap water or some shit. I go bright red, embarrassed as hell while trying to calm Nadia, who’s seconds away from a heart attack.

By this time, fully naked Frankie comes running into the hallway confused as hell, much to Nadia’s surprise. After she calmed herself down, Nadia was pretty cool about the whole thing. I explained about the party and the date and she was initially kinda pissed but she said she understood and was cool about it. Carried on dating Frankie until she moved to New York for a job. Amazing girl, amazing figure.

 

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Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 33

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=326

 

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