Modern Dating Culture: 5 Tips on How to Find ‘The One’

Oh, how well we know the never-ending woes of dating! It feels impossible to find a like-minded, family-oriented, career-oriented stranger who exudes an undeniable charm and is ready to sweep you off your feet.

The modern dating scene looks nothing like it did 10 years ago. The means of finding a date has never been easier, thanks to apps like Tinder, Bumble, etc. You can even find a date by sliding into someone’s DMs and it cannot get easier than that!

We are a generation that’s used to instant-gratification with sky-high superficial needs and wants. Armed with the idea of a perfect human being who is meant to ‘complete me’, we go out in the world to find ‘the one’.

Our never-ending needs and wants have transitioned us into an age of competitiveness – who is more successful, who has traveled more, whose relationship is picture-perfect, who has the best-looking partner? And all of it trickles down to posts and pictures on social media for the world to see, like and comment.

But if it’s all so easy, then why do we find ourselves lonelier than ever?

The answer lies not on our ability to find a date but in our attitude and behavior during the dating period. To better understand what you can do to better the chances of you finding ‘the one’, read on!

Disclaimer – This article is not about relationships, it’s about what to do to make sure you don’t scare away your potential soul mate. Relationships are a whole different ball game and let’s save that rabbit hole for another day.

Things You Should and Shouldn’t Do

1.  Do Be Your Authentic Self

When you go out on a date, the best thing you can bring along with you is your positive, authentic self. If you want to attract the right person, you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not.

This might seem easier said than done. The most common mistake we make is to pretend during the first few dates. We say things we don’t mean, we laugh at jokes we don’t find funny, and we act in ways that will make it easier for the other person to like us.

And, that’s the first big, obvious mistake you can make right at the beginning of a potential relationship. You’re coming off as someone you’re not, moving away from your genuine personality and, consequently, you attract the wrong partner.

2.  Do Bring in the Humor!

To put it simply – be funny. Sounds cliché, right? But, jokes or funny pick-up lines is a good way to make the other person feel at ease and they can be a great icebreaker on a first date.

But, do pace yourself and don’t come off as ‘that funny guy/girl who is never taken seriously. Also, stay away from mean or personal jokes that can seem insulting or make you look obnoxious.

Before you go too hard with the funny lines, test the water and try to understand your date’s humor, and see if you click. After all, everyone knows the couple who laughs together, stays together.

3.  Don’t Overthink

We cannot emphasize how important this is: overthinking can and does become your worst enemy when it comes to forming new relationships or connections.

Dating is the phase where you get to know each other, slowly turning yourself from a stranger to a close one. And, you can’t do that if you overanalyze every text message or find a double meaning in everything the other person says.

Stay out of your head and be clear about what you want. If you have questions or you’re unsure of something, don’t bottle them inside, just ask. It’s as simple as that.

The more you keep your questions inside, the more you’re likely to overthink the worst possible scenario. And before you know it, you lose out even before you’ve begun.

4.  Don’t Overshare

So, you want to find someone you can talk to about everything, right? The person who will understand your mind and won’t judge you when you gossip about your friend’s sister or your annoying colleague. Wrong!

When you start dating someone, you should offer positive insights into your life. Don’t initiate conversations with bitter gossip or complain about your life. And, God forbid, don’t talk about your past relationships on the first or second date, unless you don’t want to go out with them again.

Your date is not an audience to your monologue about everything that’s wrong in your life or an audience to your deepest thoughts. What your date wants to know is how your life is right now, because that’s the only thing that will affect their own life and reveal how compatible you’ll be. Be honest and open but don’t overshare!

5.  Do Listen

One of the biggest communication challenges is that we don’t listen to understand, we listen to reply. This is true not only in the case of dating but in every aspect of our lives.

Be genuinely interested in the other person. Listen to what they’re saying and observe their body language, especially when they talk about a subject close to their hearts. Try to understand what they’re saying from their perspective and not yours as this will help you to become a better listener.

That doesn’t mean that all you should do on a date is listen. Keep pace with the conversation and participate fully. Don’t be that person who monopolizes the conversation – give your partner a minute or two to talk and steer the conversation to take turns. Simple courtesies can go a long way, even all the way to finding the perfect partner!

Our Last Piece of Advice

The last piece of advice we can leave you with is, to be honest with yourself. Think about what you really want. Do you want a long-term partner or are you only looking for casual dates and hookups? Whatever it is, be honest with your date right from the start, and don’t play games. You can only find the perfect partner if you’re both looking for the same thing.

And, there you have it! Hopefully, these tips and insights will bring out the best in you. So, what are you waiting for? Go out there and find the one for you!


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here:

Author: phicklephilly

Copyright © 2016 by Phicklephilly All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. All stories and characters are based on real people and events. The names and images have been changed to protect their privacy. Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, we’ll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation!”

What are your thoughts on this subject?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: