Why Dating Someone Out Of Your League Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

“Rather than think ‘is he good looking enough for her?’, I think society needs to grow up a little.”

“Cor, you’re punching well above your weight with her, mate”. A comment we’ve surely all been subject to in our dating lives when our friends believe that a girl we’re seeing is far too attractive, or intelligent, to be associated with us.

But is a relationship that is under the constant scrutiny of our peers one that we should stay in? Or should we think ‘to hell’ with what others think, it’s all about the personality. We spoke to professional dating and relationship coach Renee Slansky, to find out just what sort of effects dating someone ‘out of our league’ can have.

Renee starts by saying that in her experience, it’s people “who have insecurities, low self-esteem and lack of self-worth” that think a partner is out of their league. But rather than think of partners as being in ‘leagues’, she adds that “healthy relationships are built on compatibility, consistent effort, trust, communication, and love.

“Not other people’s opinions or difference in status or looks.”

Before we even start thinking about whether someone is or isn’t in our aesthetic or intellectual ballpark, Renee says that “every person should have a strong sense of worth first, a clear sense of direction with what they want and need and a strategy on how to become the version of themselves to attract that.”

“Basing decisions off whether you are in someone’s league or not is irrelevant and toxic because essentially you are comparing your worth to theirs.”

“We are all worthy of the best, it’s just a matter of who chooses to work and wait for that or who chooses to settle for second best!”

But what if we do happen to find ourselves with a girl of model-like proportions, only for it to then end a few years down the line. Can that have an impact on how we view women and relationships?

To this, Renee says there are “two things that can happen if an average guy is with a gorgeous girl: his confidence will be built up and his insecurities will be built up.”

Renee blames society for being detrimental in the formation of those insecurities, “either way people will talk, judge and condemn because we are a society who thinks that looks are an indication of compatibility.”

“If he chooses to focus on being a great partner to this gorgeous woman, why wouldn’t she want to stay? Women want to be valued and prioritized at the end of the day.”

It’s this mantra that Renee wants all men to focus on, rather than the aesthetic appearance of the girl on our arm. “We all have a type and are attracted to a certain physical look; however, someone’s character and actions are what grows or kills that attraction. I think that the focus should be more on “I am a great man, worthy of my heart’s desires, how can I communicate that to the right woman who will also value me?”

“Rather than think ‘is he good looking enough for her?’, I think society needs to grow up a little.”

So guys, forget the whole notion of ‘leagues’. They’re mythical and you shouldn’t base your relationship on the idea of them. Instead, focus on being the best guy you can be and the relationship will look after itself.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

The Right and Wrong Reasons for Dating a Trans Woman

Thanks to more progressive views in the civilized world, more trans women can now freely enjoy the world of TS dating. While there is still a long way to go towards acceptance and understanding of the transgender community, they can enjoy some freedoms that previous transgender generations could not.

Now that many trans women are out and open about their sexuality, it’s time to start educating people who wish to date them. There are right and wrong reasons to date a trans woman, the same way there are right and wrong reasons to date anyone of any gender or sexual orientation. So below, we’ll highlight some of the top reasons to date a trans woman and whether this is a good reason or a bad one.

Wrong: Dating a Trans Woman Because It Fulfills a Kink

Trans women face enough of a stigma in the dating world. However, what makes TS dating for them even more difficult are people who date them out of curiosity. Trans women may sometimes meet potential partners who are incredibly fixated on dating a trans woman for the “experience.” They care less about who she is as a person and will instead see her as a sexual object or worse, a kink.

Another downside to this is that when some people date a trans woman for the “thrill,” they end up hiding her away from other people. Not only is this a sign of an unhealthy relationship, but it’s also incredibly dehumanizing for the trans woman.

Wrong: For Lack of Anyone Else to Date

There are some people who see dating trans women as a “last-ditch” effort to have a girlfriend. There are some men (and even women) who think that dating a trans woman is easy. This is because they believe that trans women don’t have a lot of dating options, so they’ll date anyone who is interested. However, of course, this is never a healthy foundation for a relationship. When someone chooses to date a trans woman, genuine attraction should trump desperation every time. It’s never right to date someone simply because of a lack of other options.

Wrong: “I Didn’t Know She Was Trans!”

Lastly, there are some people who don’t know that they’re dating a trans woman. Many trans women in the TS dating scene are open about the fact that they’re trans. However, there are some who need to feel more comfortable with their potential partner before mentioning it. This can be a slippery slope because ideally, being trans shouldn’t affect one’s attraction all that much. A trans woman is a woman and she should be treated as such.

However, being trans does matter. Trans women’s experiences in life differ markedly from those of ciswomen. Being trans is part of who they are, though it’s not the sum of who they are. People who date a trans woman that doesn’t know that she is trans will feel betrayed that such a crucial part of her life was kept hidden. This can then lead to conflicts down the line about openness and communication.

Right: Genuine Attraction

The only right reason to date a trans woman is a genuine attraction. This is not an attraction despite the fact that she’s trans. Rather, it’s an attraction based on who she is as a whole. The community of trans women is incredibly diverse. People attracted to trans women can run into a few of them who are not their type not because she’s trans but because of a lack of compatibility. Likewise, it’s not impossible to meet a trans woman with similar interests, preferences, experiences, opinions, and life goals.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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