13 Signs Your Relationship Won’t Work Out and It’s Time to End It

When your relationship is doomed, there are almost always signs your relationship won’t work out that you are overlooking.

Here’s one from one of my readers. Enjoy!

It can come as a shock when a relationship ends. You think things are going great, then boom, a breakup right out of the blue. The thing is, it didn’t happen out of the blue. In the moment, it’s so surprising that things were ending because it’s easier to ignore all the signs your relationship won’t work out.

Of course, some breakups really do come out of the blue. More often than not though, there were signs your relationship wouldn’t work out that you just didn’t see.

That’s what I’m here for. I went through the shock of multiple breakups and went to therapy and worked through what happened in those relationships so that you have an easier time managing yours.

So, what are the signs your relationship won’t work out?

Why you’re worried your relationship won’t work out

Before we even get into the signs your relationship won’t last, if you are looking for signs you will find some. If you look hard enough you will find signs like this in any and every relationship.

The fact that you’re actively looking for these signs means you already know that your relationship has its share of problems. You just want reassurance that it isn’t doomed.

It may not be, but these signs can point you in the right direction.

Signs your relationship won’t work out

Relationships are all different shapes and sizes. Some are more stable and others aren’t. That doesn’t make one better than the other or more likely to work out.

But, sometimes things happen that reveal the subtle signs your relationship won’t work out. You can work on these things and hope to change what these signs point towards or you can see these red flags for what they are, caution signs to make a change.

#1 You’re not keen to see each other. Relationships, no matter how old, should ignite at least some level of excitement. You should look forward to seeing each other, not dread it. If making plans to see one another feels more like a requirement more than a fun date with your significant other, that is not a good sign.

#2 Your fights are always risking a breakup. Fights, arguments, disagreements, all happen in relationships. The difference between that and fights that nearly ended in a breakup is trust.

In a healthy relationship, a couple knows this is temporary. They will still be there for each other when the fight ends. In a relationship that won’t work out, fights contain threats of ending the relationship which is disrespectful and manipulative.

#3 You put them first. You might think that putting your partner first is a good thing, but it isn’t. Yes, we all make compromises. But if you continuously put your partner’s needs above your own, you are not only becoming codependent but steering into dangerous territory. 

#4 You almost cheat. Yes, some relationships survive cheating. A sign that yours won’t is that you are often on the verge of cheating. You may think you’ll never actually act on it or cross the line, but getting that close is not a good sign for your relationship.

#5 You look forward to spending time apart. When your boo is going away for a week on business, you would expect to miss them. If you can’t wait to have some time away from them, that doesn’t shed a flattering light on your relationship.

If you are still together and craving time apart, it will only get worse.

#6 You don’t talk. Talking and communication are key to a relationship that lasts. I don’t mean talking about the weather or the recycling. Talking about your feelings, working through things together, planning for the future. These things should be present for you to feel that your relationship brings joy to your life. 

#7 You have the same fights. If you keep having the same fights repeatedly, there is an underlying problem that is not being addressed. These fights could start with someone not doing the dishes, but if it always ends on the same topic, you either need to face it and make a decision or go your separate ways.

#8 They don’t get along with the people in your life. I know our partners don’t always get along with the in-laws. Most can swallow their pride and enjoy a nice holiday. If your friends and family cannot hold back their disdain for your partner, that is a bad sign. They are seeing something you’re missing.

Hear them out. These are people you trust. Their opinions matter. They want what is best for you, so go in with an open mind.

#9 They are rude to others. Maybe your partner is the sweetest person you know, but when you go out, they have a bit of a rude streak. If they are rude to your friends, servers, cab drivers, or anyone else, that is not a good sign. Someone who can change their personality or attitude so quickly is showing a lot of red flags.

#10 The jealousy never stops. If you are jealous of your partner’s friends, job, or ex, it will slowly eat away at the foundation of your relationship. The same goes if they are jealous of you. If you don’t trust each other, nothing will save your relationship.

#11 They ghost you on and off. A healthy relationship is based on trust but also has consistent communication. This will differ with every relationship. If your partner disappears for days at a time, that is not a good sign. Not only are they not clueing you in or easing your worries, but you could drive yourself crazy.

#12 Their social media habits changed. I don’t usually put a lot of weight into social media, but if you and your partner do, it could be a sign. If you always post pictures of each other but those posts decline or get replaced with friends and activities you’re doing apart, that could be a sign of where your true focus is.

#13 You just feel it. Unlucky number 13 is your gut. This is the big one. This is the one that may not have a quantifiable definition or proof. It is all about a feeling. This is just you feeling something is off.

I’ve had this feeling the night before one of my worst breakups. What did I do? I shut it down. I convinced myself I was being crazy and overreacting until the next day my boyfriend at the time was acting strange. Right before he broke up with me I said, “are you breaking up with me?” He looked shocked that I said it.

My gut feeling just knew. There were no signs. In fact, a few days before he insisted I was the best thing that ever happened to him. So, sometimes you should trust your gut. But, what you do from there is up to you.

The signs your relationship won’t work out can be obvious and avoided, or subtle and found. Sometimes they aren’t there at all. Use these signs as a guide and do what you think is right, for you and your partner.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Don’t Break Up With Anyone Until You’ve Truthfully Answered These 8 Questions

No one ever goes into a relationship thinking that they’ll break up. Still, over the course of your dating life, you’ll probably either be dumped or do the dumping at some point.

When you are put into the position of breaking up with someone, the situation can get awkward real fast.

So how do you know when to break up with someone? No breakup happens overnight and it usually stems from repressed feelings or realizations that a relationship just isn’t working.

If you’re asking yourself “should we break up?” before you make the decision to part ways, consider these deep questions go ask yourself that will make the breakup as smooth as possible, especially if you don’t exactly know when it’s time to break up.

There may be a few tears and unbearable silences, but with time and wine, you will both survive.

1. Why do I want to break up with this person?

This may seem like an obvious question and one your friends will inevitably ask (to which you’ll have a rehearsed response).

Outlining in bullet points or even writing down the reasons for breaking up can help you feel validated in your decision. It can even be as simple as writing a pros and cons list for breaking up.

This is especially helpful for those who go back and forth between wanting to break up with their significant other and staying with them. Seeing your own feelings written out can give you a sudden epiphany like, “Why didn’t we break up sooner?”

And if you feel comfortable, confiding in a family member or friend who has no personal stake in the matter can help you feel more confident in your decision.

2. Is there a way to work out the issues in the relationship?

No relationship is perfect. Identifying the problems together, whether they be trust issues or lack of passion, will help you both come up with a plan to tackle the problems.

Do you feel like your relationship lacks heat? Are there feelings of jealousy from either end? Discuss what (or who) is making either of you angry or uncomfortable.

Was there infidelity in the relationship? Maybe counseling is an option if you both still love each other and want to make it work.

Regardless of what the outcomes may be, clear communication from both parties will be the best closure to any breakup.

3. Will I regret the decision?

Right before you break the bad news to someone, you might get cold feet. And even after, you may feel like the villain for ending things.

Second-guessing your decision for breaking up is only natural, but if you nudge yourself to think of the reasons for ending the relationship (see question one) and you know you both tried your best to keep it going (see question two) then you will not regret parting ways.

4. What will life be like post-breakup?

Imagining your day-to-day without the person you’re used to seeing 24/7 is heartbreaking. Just even thinking about it might make you want to reconsider breaking up.

We rely a lot on our partners to listen to our rants and musings (that not even our friends would care about) and designate them as our automatic adventure buddies. To lose this aspect in a breakup is devastating. But things will get better.

Being single means you’ll see your friends more, attend those extra happy hours (which you would have previously skipped for your SO) and pay more attention to your own happiness and well-being. It may seem scary, but alone time is quite often the best time.

5. How should I do it?

So you’re 100 percent committed to ending things. The question is how you should break up with the other person.

We’ve all heard stories of breakups that ended with just a text or with one person ghosting the other, but when you legitimately care about someone, these options seem harsh and unforgivable.

The best and least confusing way to break up with someone is to tell them in person. The conversation can happen in your home, in a coffee shop, at a park, or anywhere that is semiprivate enough for a serious conversation but also public enough so that the person getting dumped can escape right away.

If you hate confrontation and think you might break out in tears during the conversation, consider writing everything in a letter and then reading it out loud. Or make talking points on your phone and make sure you stick to them.

The point is to be clear and confident in expressing your emotions and needs.

6. What should I say?

If you haven’t talked about breaking up already, then you can easily blindside the other person when you do bring it up.

In this situation, you should ask your partner how he or she thinks the relationship is going and then state your honest feelings about where you see things heading. You may be surprised that the other side might end up agreeing with you.

To avoid the “we’re all thinking it, but no one said it” situation, be the one to say it. If you want to break up and not keep in contact, state that. If you want to break up but leave the door open in the future, say that.

Of course, you should let the other person down as gently as you can and give them time to absorb the information, but don’t sugarcoat your feelings or the situation.

7. Should I leave the door open for getting back together in the future?

This one is tricky because leaving the door open to getting back together might not provide either side with the closure you both need.

It’s perfectly fine to both go your separate ways and still remain in touch. The key is to know when and how to stay in contact.

This doesn’t mean you can check up on your ex every week or have your ex treat you like you’re both in a relationship (when clearly you’re not).

It takes two mature adults to break up and get back together and if this seems like the right decision for you, go for it. If you don’t find the arrangement working, though, you’ll have to speak up about it and it may feel like you’re breaking up all over again.

8. What have I learned from this relationship?

A breakup doesn’t constitute a failed relationship. Every person you date is a chance to learn a little more about yourself and what you want in a partner.

Try seeking out the positives of every experience, and who knows, you could one day start a blog or write a book about all your misadventures. There are many women and men out there who can relate to breakups and heartaches. You’re not alone!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

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