So, it’s been a minute since you shook the sheets with your spouse. You tell yourself that every relationship runs into a sex rut from time to time. But somewhere in your brain, you can’t help but worry.
Because you may have crossed over into sexless marriage territory. A slew of Google searches begins: How many times should couples make love in a week? Does once a month qualify as a sexless marriage? Before long, you’re in a full-blown panic over the state of your marital union.
The first thing to do is to breathe. Relax. Know that you aren’t alone and there isn’t any shame in seeking out answers. And to minimize your digging for answers, we created this article on how to tell if you’re in a sexless marriage; and ways to cope once you’ve established your marital intimacy could use a booster shot. But first what’s a sexless marriage?
What’s A Sexless Marriage?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. A marriage in which very little to no sex occurs is a sexless marriage. Very little is different for each couple. Some couples feel sex should occur several times a week, while others require sex several times a month. There are cases with couples who have sex only several times a year and that is enough for them. Therefore, what constitutes very little sex is different and defined by each couple. Physical intimacy is what separates a friendship or platonic relationship from a romantic one. Without it, those in a marriage can feel more like roommates.
What are the possible reasons for a sexless marriage?
Relationships take work, and that includes intimacy. With so many other things weighing on your mind, it is easy to let things like exhaustion overshadow your sex life. However, it isn’t always a matter of neglecting to nurture that intimacy. Sometimes issues that prevent or negatively impact a healthy sex life are much deeper than just the act of sex itself. These issues may include:
- conflict in the marriage
- lack of trust in the relationship
- sexual incompatibility
- history of trauma
- changes in libido
- relationship or sexual boredom
- erectile dysfunction or vaginismus
- emotional dysregulation
- mental illness
- side effects from medication or substance abuse
- effects of pornography addiction
Are there ways to cope with a sexless marriage?
As you may have guessed, communication is key! The first thing to do is talk about it with each other openly and honestly. Discuss the decline in sex and explore what may be contributing to it. Then brainstorm solutions. If possible, make adjustments to any causes that impact your sex life, such as reducing stress, making changes to schedules, etc. Recognize that it will not be easy to make changes to your sex life. But it is doable by staying mindful of it.
Another idea? Prioritize sex much like you would anything else in your life — by putting it on the calendar. Couples can also schedule sex, much like they schedule other events and tasks. Scheduling intimacy time, like planning dates, lets each partner know when a physical connection will occur and gives them something to look forward to.
Can a sexless marriage survive?
Don’t dismay — you can fix a sexless marriage. However, it’s important to accept that you might not be able to do it alone. If you find it difficult to make changes on your own, then seek the help of a licensed professional. We also recommend a marriage and family therapist and/or a therapist who specializes in sex problems (a sexologist). You need not feel embarrassed, as these professionals can help you get back on track in their relationship without wasting more time that can lead to resentment — or the demise of the relationship.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1