‘Tindstagramming’ Is The Creepiest New Dating Trend, And It’s Probably Happened To You

You’re swiping through your dating app options (left, right, left, left, LEFT) when an Instagram message notification pops up on your screen. The person looks familiar, but it’s definitely not someone you know-or someone you tried to get to know. You’ve just become a victim of Tindstagramming.

Wait, what is Tindstagramming?

“Tindstagramming is when someone whom you swiped left on on Tinder decides to stalk you on Instagram and slides into your DMs in an attempt to connect,” says Samantha Burns, dating coach and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back. “They basically ignore the fact that you clearly aren’t interested in talking to them, since you didn’t match on the dating app.”

And while this latest dating trend obviously gets its name from OG dating app Tinder and Instagram, it can happen with any dating app-Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid…wherever.

Granted, some dating-app users probably think you just haven’t seen their profile yet-and, okay, that could be true. But it doesn’t change the fact that they’re contacting you for romantic (and oftentimes, sexual) purposes without knowing whether you’re even remotely interested in that.

“It feels like a violation,” says Burns. “You joined a dating app so you could find dates with whom you mutually match, and you likely did not sign up for Instagram to be bombarded by dudes, especially ones you already ruled out.”

So yeah, this dating behavior is nowhere near okay, but clearly, it still happens.

Okay, so why the heck do people Tindstagram?

Like any run-of-the-mill rando sliding into your DMs, a Tindstagrammer wants to get your attention.

The difference, though, is that while a random person is just trying to shoot their shot and see what happens, a Tindstagrammer is forcing you to take a second look at them in the hopes that’ll change your mind.

That’s not just wishful thinking-that’s disrespectful of your desires (or rather, lack thereof).

Usually, this is the direct result of a bruised ego, says Burns. They figure you either accidentally swiped left or were just too busy talking to other people to give them a chance.

“They’re hoping this less conventional way of connecting can boost their chances,” she explains. “Sometimes, they have innocent intentions, such as actually trying to get to know you because they were truly were blown away by your dating profile. Other times, it’s just a creepy attempt to send you a sexual message.”

Tindstagramming is creepy, but it’s not the only dating trend you should watch out for this year:

Of course, anyone in the dating scene can find a reason to Tindstagram their wannabe love interest, but Burns believes this particular dating trend tends to be a more male-dominated issue.

That said, “women can definitely get a bit stalkerish, too,” she adds. (If you’ve ever been to brunch, you know that all too well.)

But while a woman might search IG for hours to find the regulation hottie she spotted on Hinge, if when she does, she probably won’t do anything beyond checking out his pics.

“Tindstagramming isn’t as common among women because they tend not to initiate as frequently on dating apps [besides Bumble],” Burns explains. “So they’re also less likely to do it on other social media sites when the intentions are romantically based.”

How should I respond to Tindstagramming?

Well, it depends. “If they send you a thoughtful message or make a funny joke about their second attempt, and you think you may have overlooked a diamond in the rough, then, by all means, respond and see if there’s any chemistry,” says Burns.

If you’re still not interested, hit the “Block” button-plain and simple. It’s not worth your time or energy to call them out, especially if they send you something inappropriate, she says. If they say something gross, or worse, send a dick pic, report them and move on.

How can I avoid getting Tindstagrammed?

Obviously, the easiest way is to make sure your online dating profile isn’t connected to your Instagram. But even that’s not a fool-proof solution because skilled cyberstalkers can still find you (it just might take them a little longer).

If you want to keep your IG linked, just “be conscious and smart about what you share,” Burns advises.

“When you choose to connect your dating profile to Instagram, you’re granting strangers permission to look into your life,” she says. Make sure you’re comfortable with someone you’re not interested in gathering that information about you.

“If you tend to photograph and comment about the places you hang out, or announce future plans, be aware someone could show up there to meet you, whether you’ve swiped right or not,” she cautions.

(They probably won’t, but hey, it’s the internet so…all bets are off.)

What if I want to Tindstagram someone?

Short answer: Don’t do it.

Most of the time, Tindstagramming comes off desperate (not to mention, creepy AF). In rare cases, “persistence can pay off if the person you’re pursuing decides that they ruled you out too quickly,” says Burns. But again, emphasis on rare.

In general, she recommends accepting the rejection and using the time you would’ve spent stalking their ‘gram to connect with someone who actually did swipe right on you.

Life’s too short to spend time on losers, after all.

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10 Signs a Girl Likes You, According to Her Body Language

What she’s *really* telling you is in the way she moves.

“Does she like me?” This is a normal question to wonder about when you’re on a date with a girl you’re really attracted to. But dating doesn’t have to be a mystery — in fact, there are a lot of signs a girl likes you that you may already be missing.

Attraction is a funny thing; you really like this girl, but you’re not sure how she feels about you. Men often find women to be complex creatures, but figuring out the signs she likes you isn’t as difficult as you think.

If you’re paying attention, the easiest way to know if she is into you is by watching her body language, because it could be shouting, “I really like you!” even though she never said a word.

Here are 10 subtle signs that a girl likes you that you can easily spot on a date:

1. She touches you a lot

This is a strong sign that a woman likes you. The more she moves closer to you and looks for ways to touch you, the more she might be flirting with you.

When you’re in a conversation and she lightly taps her hand on your shoulder or chest, it is a possible indicator that she’s interested in you.

If her touches are more intimate, this might mean that she’s very interested in you, and it’s a possible indicator of her request for you to be more close or intimate.

2. She mirrors your movements

Copying the movement of a person you like without you realizing it is natural. This is because you are subconsciously trying to connect with that person without having any physical contact.

Here is a simple way to test if she will mirror your movement. When you are on a date, pick up your drink and take a sip, or shift your position and lean to the side.

If she follows and she does the same, it means she may be unconsciously mirroring your body movements as a way to show interest.

3. She tilts her head while looking at you

Tilting her head during a conversation is a sign that she’s engaged with you

If you see her tilting her head to the side during your conversation, she may be interested in what you’re saying — or just in you — or maybe both!

You could try changing the topic, and when she’s still tilting her head, it’s a good sign.

4. She constantly “fixes” her hair, makeup, or clothing

She is constantly preening herself in front of you either by fixing her hair, adjusting her clothes, or retouching her makeup.

This is probably because she’s nervous and anxious about how she looks and she wants to look better for you.

This is a subconscious motion, meaning women do without realizing it when they’re attracted to a man.

5. She returns your physical touches

A way to test if she really likes you is to see how she reacts when you touch her.

Try lightly touching her arm or shoulder when you’re talking to her. If she touches you back, that’s a good sign!

If she backs away when you touch her, then she is not comfortable with you just yet. It could also mean she just wants to be friends, or she doesn’t see herself being into you that way.

6. She stares or looks over at you a lot

She’s looking at you, and you notice her, then she looks away. This is a good sign. It may mean that she’s attracted to you, but she doesn’t want you to know yet.

Alternatively, some women maintain eye contact with someone they’re attracted to and don’t shy away.

But if you pay attention to her pupils and they dilate (increase in size), it means she likes what she sees.

7. She blushes

A woman blushes when her adrenaline is triggered with extreme emotion and blood gets brought closer to the skin. The extreme emotion may be because of embarrassment, stress, or even because she’s attracted to a man.

When she is attracted to you, she will blush. She can’t fake it, either, because blushing is autonomic.

You could compliment her and see if she blushes. When she does, it is a good sign that she likes you.

8. She invades your personal space

A strong sign that a woman likes you is when she moves close to you. She finds pleasure in you being physically close and touching her.

Some of the solid signals that she might be into you are when she leans to whisper in your ear, or when she gets close to you and rubs her arm against yours.

9. She smiles a lot

If she smiles a lot when you are around — especially when you’re speaking — it means that you make her feel good. Thus, it is a good sign that she likes you.

There is a huge difference between a forced smile and a genuine smile, however. You can spot this easily, because her eyes should also be smiling when she is genuinely smiling.

10. She points her feet toward you

Keep an eye where her feet are positioned.

According to experts, the gesture of a woman’s feet is the most powerful form of body language. This is because you are not conscious of what your feet are doing.

Studies suggest that when a woman is pointing both feet toward you, it means she’s attracted and fully engaged. It’s also a sign that she’s relaxed and comfortable around you when her feet are farther away from her body and closer to yours.

However, she may not be interested when she is pointing her feet elsewhere or away from you, or when she crosses her feet or legs.

Reading body language is important because a body’s gesture does not lie.

Esther Bilbao helps mentor women to have better relationships, health, and personal development. For more information on how she can help you create a better love life for yourself, visit her website for a 30-day all-access pass for lessons from expert instructors.

 

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