This Is the Only Real Way to Know If Your Partner Is Micro-Cheating

Is micro-cheating a real thing?

What is micro cheating? How do you define it? Is it just as bad as “normal” cheating in relationships?

Plus, how can you communicate relationship boundaries when it comes to this kind of emotional infidelity?

Micro cheating can be defined in many ways:

Cosmopolitan says that it’s the “small things you do that could have whispers of infidelity, without actually being unfaithful.”

Time magazine defines it as “a set of behaviors that flirts with the line between faithfulness and unfaithfulness.”

And Urban Dictionary says that it’s “small acts considered disloyal within a relationship. Nothing too serious, but not innocent either.”

Because there are so many definitions of micro cheating, a whole lot of behaviors may or may not even qualify — a raised eyebrow, a furtive smile, lightly touching someone on the arm, browsing profiles on hookup apps but not actually hooking up, chatting with an ex on social media, checking out a little porn here and there, sexting, webcamming with strangers, going to a strip club with the guys (or gals), or getting a massage when away on business.

What is considered cheating? Where do we draw between micro-cheating and actually being unfaithful?

Here’s a thought: Maybe there’s no line to draw. Maybe cheating is cheating.

Maybe calling a behavior that violates one’s relationship boundaries micro-cheating is simply a way of justifying that behavior.

Or maybe there is a meaningful difference between micro-cheating and emotional cheating.

In my book Out of the Doghouse, I define cheating as “the breaking of trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your partner.”

Notice that this definition of infidelity does not name specific sexual or romantic behaviors.

Instead, it focuses on what matters most in romantic relationships — mutual trust.

If you’ve engaged in sexual or romantic behaviors that violate the trust in your relationship, you’ve cheated.

My definition also suggests that a list of behaviors that do and don’t qualify as cheating depends on the couple.

If you and your partner have mutually agreed that looking at porn is not an issue, so be it. And who cares what your grandmother thinks about it? This is your relationship to define, not hers.

If, however, you and your significant other have mutually agreed that porn is not OK, then plugging in that flash drive filled with your favorite videos is cheating.

Interestingly, for betrayed partners, it’s usually not the specifics of what you’ve done that causes the most pain.

What hurts the most is the lying, the manipulation, and the keeping of secrets from the cheating spouse — the lies of omission.

When you engage in sexual and romantic behaviors that violate relationship boundaries (including marriage vows), you’ve cheated. Period.

And when you lie about that behavior and keep it secret, you’re compounding the damage.

That said, maybe micro-cheating really is a thing — a less-damaging form of cheating.

My definition of micro-cheating centers not on the specifics of the “sextracurricular” act, but on how deeply that behavior and any lies and secrets surrounding that behavior impacts the betrayed partner when the behavior comes to light.

In other words, how profoundly is relationship trust affected by the act and by covering up the act?

If you find yourself now wondering what constitutes cheating (micro or full-blown) in your relationship, initiate a discussion with your partner about what behaviors are and are not acceptable.

When you both can mutually define your relationship boundaries in this way, cheating is much less likely.

Moreover, by being open and honest with one another about your sexual desires and limits, you can develop a deeper sense of emotional intimacy and relationship trust.

In short, you strengthen your intimate connection.

The more open and honest you and your partner are with each other, the more intimacy you will have. So give this conversation a go.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

3 Subtle Things You Might Be Doing (That Keep Him From Falling in Love With You)

You probably don’t even know you’re doing it.

Falling in love with your new partner and seeing the signs your man is falling in love with you is one of the best parts of any relationship.

But while you’re wondering how to get a guy to like you — and may already be head-over-heels in love with him, too — you could be doing some things that will actually drive him straight out of your arms without even knowing it, which can feel scary.

When you love someone, it’s easy to forget some of the little things they do that might irritate you or frustrate you; but at the beginning of a relationship —when you’re trying to figure out how to make a guy like you — it’s a bit different because you’re not in love yet, you’re at the falling in love stage.

So how does a man act when he’s falling in love — and are you guilty of the big behaviors that stop him from being able to love you?

Bonnie Raitt once sang, “I can’t make him love me, if he don’t.” But Bonnie Raitt probably didn’t look on the internet for relationship articles.

Does this mean you’ll learn how to make him fall in love with you by diving into a quick, five-minute read? Does this mean that all your frustrations with romance and dating are about to melt away?

Should you go ahead and register at Bed, Bath, and Beyond just in case? Probably not.

But it does mean that understanding what men think and how men think ups the odds that you can make him love you the way you deserve.

Now, as a caveat, women aren’t responsible for single-handedly making “happily ever after” a reality.

The point of this article is not to blame or shame the female gender; rather, the idea is to empower women to become conscious of the things they might not know they’re doing.

Things that scare men and drive them away. Things that stand in the path and muddy the waters of an intimate, long-lasting bond. Things that made registering at Bed, Bath, and Beyond a giant waste of your time.

So, let’s jump in and explore three blocks that may be blocking you from finding your soulmate.

Here are 3 behaviors women do that they might not realize are keeping him from falling in love:

1. You don’t support his autonomy

Autonomy is defined as, “the capacity to decide for oneself and pursue a course of action in one’s life.”

This is important to remember because, before you get into a relationship with a guy, he had a life. He had hobbies. He had friends. He had the freedom to work late or golf on Saturdays.

He had opinions on how to arrange things or how to clean his house. And he still has all of those.

When he needs alone time or space, that is a reflection of him, not you. He’s setting a boundary congruent with his comfort level (and you should be setting one, too).

He needs space because he needs autonomy — you didn’t do anything wrong!

Forgetting that can sometimes send a woman into a panic mode and she acts accordingly, often in a manner that involves pressure, criticism, a need for control, and the inevitable label of being “high maintenance.”

The best relationships have both ideals: Autonomy and the ability to be present and consistent with the one you love.

2. You’re constantly competing with him

What does it mean to be in competition with your partner? It can show up as one partner needing to be as intelligent as the other, as good-looking, as high-earning, as good at sports, as popular in peer groups, etc.

This dynamic doesn’t work in a relationship; period. It creates a win-lose scenario because it pits you guys against one another.

In a solid, healthy relationship, partners are on the same team. They understand that they bring unique strengths and talents into the partnership.

They understand that where one person shines, the other may not, but they’ll shine bright in another area. Doing the opposite — and keeping track of who’s better, who’s worse, who’s higher, who’s lower — is exhausting.

And this kind of competition only sends your union sprinting toward the finish line.

3. You’re too low maintenance

Surprise! You probably didn’t see that one coming. Yep, being too low maintenance can work against you. This happens when you aren’t honoring yourself or staying true to your values and needs.

You are in “go with the flow” mode because you think it’ll make you more attractive to your guy.

Women often do this because they think men want a relationship that’s easy-going and hassle-free (and, in fairness, some women are just naturally laidback).

But this works against a relationship because it gives off the impression that you aren’t as invested or communicative, and this compromises his ability to trust you.

Someone with no needs and no opinions is not real. It’s also not inspiring. Someone who fails to stick to their own values and wishes can’t inspire a man to do the same.

The key, then, is finding the right amount of maintenance. Not too high. Not too low. Everything in moderation.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

This Is the Only Real Way to Know If Your Partner Is Micro-Cheating

Is micro-cheating a real thing?

What is micro cheating? How do you define it? Is it just as bad as “normal” cheating in relationships?

Plus, how can you communicate relationship boundaries when it comes to this kind of emotional infidelity?

Micro cheating can be defined in many ways:

Cosmopolitan says that it’s the “small things you do that could have whispers of infidelity, without actually being unfaithful.”

Time magazine defines it as “a set of behaviors that flirts with the line between faithfulness and unfaithfulness.”

And Urban Dictionary says that it’s “small acts considered disloyal within a relationship. Nothing too serious, but not innocent either.”

Because there are so many definitions of micro-cheating, a whole lot of behaviors may or may not even qualify — a raised eyebrow, a furtive smile, lightly touching someone on the arm, browsing profiles on hookup apps but not actually hooking up, chatting with an ex on social media, checking out a little porn here and there, sexting, webcamming with strangers, going to a strip club with the guys (or gals), or getting a massage when away on business.

What is considered cheating? Where do we draw between micro-cheating and actually being unfaithful?

Here’s a thought: Maybe there’s no line to draw. Maybe cheating is cheating.

Maybe calling a behavior that violates one’s relationship boundaries micro-cheating is simply a way of justifying that behavior.

Or maybe there is a meaningful difference between micro-cheating and emotional cheating.

Cheating is “the breaking of trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your partner.”

Notice that this definition of infidelity does not name specific sexual or romantic behaviors.

Instead, it focuses on what matters most in romantic relationships — mutual trust.

If you’ve engaged in sexual or romantic behaviors that violate the trust in your relationship, you’ve cheated.

My definition also suggests that a list of behaviors that do and don’t qualify as cheating depends on the couple.

If you and your partner have mutually agreed that looking at porn is not an issue, so be it. And who cares what your grandmother thinks about it? This is your relationship to define, not hers.

If, however, you and your significant other have mutually agreed that porn is not OK, then plugging in that flash drive filled with your favorite videos is cheating.

Interestingly, for betrayed partners, it’s usually not the specifics of what you’ve done that causes the most pain.

What hurts the most is the lying, the manipulation, and the keeping of secrets from the cheating spouse — the lies of omission.

When you engage in sexual and romantic behaviors that violate relationship boundaries (including marriage vows), you’ve cheated. Period.

And when you lie about that behavior and keep it secret, you’re compounding the damage.

That said, maybe micro-cheating really is a thing — a less-damaging form of cheating.

My definition of micro-cheating centers not on the specifics of the “sextracurricular” act, but on how deeply that behavior and any lies and secrets surrounding that behavior impacts the betrayed partner when the behavior comes to light.

In other words, how profoundly is relationship trust affected by the act and by covering up the act?

If you find yourself now wondering what constitutes cheating (micro or full-blown) in your relationship, initiate a discussion with your partner about what behaviors are and are not acceptable.

When you both can mutually define your relationship boundaries in this way, cheating is much less likely.

Moreover, by being open and honest with one another about your sexual desires and limits, you can develop a deeper sense of emotional intimacy and relationship trust.

In short, you strengthen your intimate connection.

The more open and honest you and your partner are with each other, the more intimacy you will have. So give this conversation a go.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

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