5 Ways To End Drama In Your Relationship

Every human relationship has the potential for drama from time to time.

Everyone has wound up in an argument that’s spiraled out of control at one time or another. But a couple that experiences a drama-free relationship isn’t due to their innately chill nature, or not entirely at least.

Being drama-free takes a bit of practice. Here are 5 ways to end unnecessary drama in your relationship.

1. Communicate openly and freely

This is the first point on our list because it is easily the most important. If there’s anyone you should be able to communicate anything to, it’s your partner. Communicating your needs can leave you exposed and vulnerable, but the alternative is uncertainy, which carries with it the potential for even worse outcomes.

Without communication, small nuisances can fester into resentment. Resentment can lead you to do and say things that you otherwise probably wouldn’t. Things like passive aggressive remarks, careless behavior, and talking behind your partner’s back. All of these things can lead to drama in your relationship. Open communication is on of your best defenses against drama.

2. Practice active listening

Communication is only 50% of what it takes to avoid drama in your relationship. The other half of the equation is active listening.

It is not uncommon for arguments to devolve into two people just waiting for their turn to yell. You should feel like there is space in your relationship to speak your truth, but active listening is important for anyone wanting to avoiding drama in their relationship. When communicating with your partner, let them speak, listen to their words, and take into consideration what that means. And expect the same of them as well.

3. Walk a mile in their shoes

Drama inherently stems from a lack of empathy. We are at our most dramatic when we are hyper-focused on ourselves – our feelings, our needs, our wants – and not thinking at all about the other person.

Empathy is the ability to feel and understand another person’s feelings and experiences. It’s what causes you to feel creeped out when you see a spider crawling up someone else’s arm. The spider isn’t on your arm, but you know how it would make you feel, and that’s what gives you the creeped out feeling.

But empathy is something that we can block out or not take into consideration, which is dangerous when you’re in a relationship. Before you do something or say something that you know could cause drama in your relationship, stop and think: how would this feel if my partner did this to me?

4. Don’t vent to mutual friends

I could probably break down each dramatic behavior one by one and talk about why you shouldn’t do them, but probably the most important thing to avoid is venting to mutual friends about your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you were friends with them first, if you share a friendship with another person, they need to be off the table when discussing problems in your relationship with others. To vent to a mutual friend is equivalent to talking behind your partner’s back.

It can be a good thing to have a trusted confidant when talking about relationship issues. But communicating with your partner is the most important kind of communication. So before you vent to others, ask yourself: should I just communicate my feelings to my partner? Doing so will likely yield more favorable results.

5. Leave a relationship with grace

Relationships can be dynamic and changing. A person you are friends with today could be your lover someday, and a lover today could be your best friend tomorrow. If the decision has been made to end a romantic relationship in favor of a platonic relationship, leave that relationship with dignity and grace. Even if you’re on your way out, consider the things we’ve discussed so far in this article.

Communicate freely with your partner, even if they’re no longer your lover, be an active listener, empathize with them, and don’t vent to mutual friends.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Breakup Sex Is Literally Only A Good Idea In This One Circumstance

If you’ve ever been-let’s just come out and say it-dumped, you know nothing good comes after “We need to talk.” Even if your ex has legitimate reasons for breaking up, you just can’t understand them. You want to leave and never see them again, but you also want to hold them one last time.

After all, there’s nothing sexier than what you can’t have, so you suggest breakup sex. It’s supposed to be the best sex, right? Plus, the damage is already done, so what’s the harm?

Not so fast. Breakup sex might seem like it’s nbd, but is it actually a good idea? Probably not, according to Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love. “There is typically an imbalanced power dynamic when couples have breakup sex,” she says.

The person with less power is heartbroken and really wants to get back together, while the one with more power doesn’t, but does want to have sex with them since it’s available. “Romantic relationships are intrinsically addictive…[so] when an attachment is severed, the natural reaction is one of withdrawal: obsession, craving, and pain,” says Bobby.

Okay, but why does that make you want to have breakup sex?

If you’re on the receiving end of a breakup, you might initiate breakup sex as a way to keep your connection alive and even secretly (or not-so-secretly) hope this will reignite your ex’s interest in the relationship, she says. (Spoiler alert: it won’t.) At the very least, your “overwhelming emotional pain and craving for contact” is temporarily satisfied when you’re with your ex.

That may be the main reason why exes can’t keep their hands off each other, but Samantha Burns, LMHC, a relationship counselor and author of Breaking Up And Bouncing Back, says there are multiple others. It could be because you’re both still attached to each other, it’s comforting during a lonely and painful transition, and of course, because it feels good in the moment. “Just because you broke up, doesn’t mean your feelings or attraction to one another disappears overnight,” she adds.

Can breakup sex ever help you get closure?

The only time breakup sex **might** help you get closure is if it’s bad and confirms to you that the spark is gone, says Burns. Otherwise, “the risk usually outweighs the benefits,” she explains. This is especially true for women, whose sexual, emotional, and attachment needs tend to be more closely related than men’s.

If you really want to get closure, you have to “close the door” to your bedroom-and everywhere else, says Bobby. “You’ll likely feel anxious and upset when you do, because then the loss feels really real-but what you’re feeling is the honest truth,” she explains. “The relationship is over.” Plus, it’s better to end this on your terms than continuing to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have a relationship with you.

So, is breakup sex always bad for you then?

Well, it depends. For the vast majority of people, it’s a bad idea (and not in the hit Ariana Grande song kind of way). Sure, you might feel better temporarily, but you’ll often feel worse afterward. “The hormones released during sex can be confusing, since they are associated with bonding, attachment, and excitement,” explains Burns. “…There’s an emotional high and high arousal state that comes with breakup sex.” You might be feeling some sense of finality, desperation, or even carefree, which can actually increase the physical gratification of sex.

Breakup sex is known for being super hot, but Burns cautions that your heightened emotional state will leave you with more questions than answers. All of sudden, you find yourself wondering if you still have feelings for your ex, even if you’re confident about the reasons why you’re calling it quits.

Breakup sex isn’t just confusing AF, it can also drag out your pain, slow down the healing process, and even make you feel ashamed or used by your ex. (Fun stuff, right?)

And that’s only if you have breakup sex once. If you keep doing it, you can even trap yourself into what Burns calls a “hanging-on hook-up dynamic,” where you’re unable to cut both the physical and emotional ties from your ex for months or even years. But regardless of how long it lasts, it doesn’t help you let go and move on-the whole point of breaking up in the first place.

In fact, the only possible benefit of breakup sex, Bobby says, is that you feel terrible over and over again, which finally forces you to realize that having sex with your ex is so toxic it needs to stop.

What should you do if you’ve already had breakup sex?

Oops, but it’s not the end of the world. Bobby encourages you to recognize breakup sex for what it is: “A temporary, emotional bandage that creates the illusion of connection but is actually harming you.”

Burns then recommends cutting off contact for at least 90 days so you can focus on yourself, work towards new individual goals, and create a new sense of purpose. “Depending on your current level of communication, you can let your ex know your intentions to be distant and that it’s what you need to do to heal,” she advises. “Say that you will reach out if and when you are ready in the future. Don’t feel the need to justify your actions, answer their questions, or let them convince you otherwise.”

This, she says, also allows you to move through some of the stages of breakup grief-denial, bargaining and anxiety, anger, depression, and eventually acceptance. If you stay connected to your ex, you’ll just end up in “a purgatory of attachment to someone who does not want to be in a relationship with you,” says Bobby. Not only does this prevent you from moving on, but she adds, it’ll likely damage your self-esteem, which can affect your ability to form future relationships.

Ultimately, “using physical intimacy to get back into your ex’s heart will likely only get you back in their pants,” says Burns. Instead of breakup sex, you’re better off breaking in a new vibrator.

5 Ways To End Drama In Your Relationship

Every human relationship has the potential for drama from time to time.

Everyone has wound up in an argument that’s spiraled out of control at one time or another. But a couple that experiences a drama-free relationship isn’t due to their innately chill nature, or not entirely at least.

Being drama-free takes a bit of practice. Here are 5 ways to end unnecessary drama in your relationship.

1. Communicate openly and freely

This is the first point on our list because it is easily the most important. If there’s anyone you should be able to communicate anything to, it’s your partner. Communicating your needs can leave you exposed and vulnerable, but the alternative is uncertainty, which carries with it the potential for even worse outcomes.

Without communication, small nuisances can fester into resentment. Resentment can lead you to do and say things that you otherwise probably wouldn’t. Things like passive-aggressive remarks, careless behavior, and talking behind your partner’s back. All of these things can lead to drama in your relationship. Open communication is one of your best defenses against drama.

2. Practice active listening

Communication is only 50% of what it takes to avoid drama in your relationship. The other half of the equation is active listening.

It is not uncommon for arguments to devolve into two people just waiting for their turn to yell. You should feel like there is space in your relationship to speak your truth, but active listening is important for anyone wanting to avoid drama in their relationship. When communicating with your partner, let them speak, listen to their words, and take into consideration what that means. And expect the same of them as well.

3. Walk a mile in their shoes

Drama inherently stems from a lack of empathy. We are at our most dramatic when we are hyper-focused on ourselves – our feelings, our needs, our wants – and not thinking at all about the other person.

Empathy is the ability to feel and understand another person’s feelings and experiences. It’s what causes you to feel creeped out when you see a spider crawling up someone else’s arm. The spider isn’t on your arm, but you know how it would make you feel, and that’s what gives you the creeped out feeling.

But empathy is something that we can block out or not take into consideration, which is dangerous when you’re in a relationship. Before you do something or say something that you know could cause drama in your relationship, stop and think: how would this feel if my partner did this to me?

4. Don’t vent to mutual friends

I could probably break down each dramatic behavior one by one and talk about why you shouldn’t do them, but probably the most important thing to avoid is venting to mutual friends about your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you were friends with them first, if you share a friendship with another person, they need to be off the table when discussing problems in your relationship with others. To vent to a mutual friend is equivalent to talking behind your partner’s back.

It can be a good thing to have a trusted confidant when talking about relationship issues. But communicating with your partner is the most important kind of communication. So before you vent to others, ask yourself: should I just communicate my feelings to my partner? Doing so will likely yield more favorable results.

5. Leave a relationship with grace

Relationships can be dynamic and changing. A person you are friends with today could be your lover someday, and a lover today could be your best friend tomorrow. If the decision has been made to end a romantic relationship in favor of a platonic relationship, leave that relationship with dignity and grace. Even if you’re on your way out, consider the things we’ve discussed so far in this article.

Communicate freely with your partner, even if they’re no longer your lover, be an active listener, empathize with them, and don’t vent to mutual friends.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

You can check out my books here: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=charles+wiedenmann&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

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