‘FORWARD FOLLOWING’ IS THE DATING TREND THAT COULD MAJORLY EMBARRASS YOU

Forget houseplantingpaperclipping and even ghosting; there is now an even more awkward dating trend to navigate. While we’ve probably all experienced (or committed) it numerous times over the last few years, it has never had a name. Well, today it gets one: ‘forward following’.

Even though it sounds like some fluffy Facebook fantasy, ‘forward following’ can be quite annoying and – in some cases – disturbing. Intrigued? Here’s what it is.

‘Forward following’ is when you prematurely follow a dating app match on Instagram, without knowing where things are going with that person. A controversial move, which some argue moves things along quicker, and which others say looks desperate.

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Still can’t get your head around it? Imagine you flirt with someone on Tinder, think you’ve hit it off, follow them on Instagram… only to never hear from them again.

Awkward is right.

As (self-inflicted) victims of ‘forward following’, we sought the advice of Dr Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist, relationship expert and host of the podcast Sex & Life to better understand our premature desire to be amigos.

So: why do people add each other on Instagram when they’ve only just matched on Tinder? Here’s what Nikki has to say: “It’s so much easier to investigate online who someone is.”

However, just because “it’s one of those tempting things” that doesn’t make it the right thing to do, Nikki says, reminding us “what we need to factor these days is that we all project a false reality [on social media].”

For this reason, Nikki says, “I don’t like the add on Instagram when you’re on [dating] apps… You might get to know someone based on a perception that’s not who they really are.”

The solution? “Don’t add them on social media; get to know them and when you’re on a date then add them on social media,” Nikki says. And “if it goes wrong – just defriend them.”

“We’re all so scared of the defriend button, but if things didn’t go ok on the date you can still follow them (or not): it’s all up to you.”

“If it feels weird, don’t be scared to defriend them,” Nikki continues. “Your social media is your personal space. Ask yourself: ‘would you have that person over for drinks?’ No? Ok, well: you have a choice as to who comes into your virtual home as well.”

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“Don’t be scared to defriend them unless you were potentially thinking you might want to date or hook up with them later on (in which case you might not defriend them).”

“But if not; what’s the harm in blocking them out of your life, because otherwise you’ll probably leave him or her there and your [future] new partners will say, ‘hang on a second, look who you’re following…’” Nikki finishes.

Even better: you won’t end up publically advertising all your unrequited loves; a true win win…

 

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12 Things Guys Shouldn’t Text to the Woman They Love

Texting Through Romantic Relationships

It’s true, we are obsessed with our phones. It used to be we talked on phones, but now they are instruments of impersonal communication via texting. It’s sad that relationships hang on this type of interaction. Today I present some advice to you guys about what not to text to the woman you love. In general, women tend to be more sensitive about the following issues; and in general, men tend not to be concerned with some of them. These are not blanket statements because of course there are plenty of exceptions.

The best relationships come from direct, face to face, voice to voice communication. It’s called talking, being together. You can’t hold hands through your device. If you and your honey are texters, whether dating, courting, or married, don’t step on these texting minefields.

1. Birthday and Anniversary Greetings

If your gal (or anyone else for that matter) is having a birthday, sending her a text with a simple Happy Birthday is so impersonal you might as well be sending it to your accountant or mailman. Even worse is Happy Anniversary. She is going to have hurt feelings and probably give you a piece of her mind. Is it too much to ask to take time out of your busy life to buy a card? Or to express yourself in a way that reaches her preferred love language? There are some very romantic men out there who are good at such things, and plenty who are clueless or clumsy with it. Regardless, texting those sentiments are tacky.

2. Declaring Your First “I Love You”

Saying ‘I love you’ for the first time is a huge deal. Sending it in a text is just wrong, lazy, hollow, and inconsiderate. She wants to see the light of tenderness in your eyes and you should want to look into hers. If you think that’s unnecessary, your love is questionable. True love does not hide behind a screen.

3. Marriage Proposals

“Will you marry me?” If you know what’s good for you, and more importantly, what’s good for your girlfriend, and your relationship, don’t pop this question in a text. You are sure to get a “no” and an ear full of rebukes. Besides, why would you not prefer to look into her eyes, and slip that ring on her finger in person? You may think, Well I can do that the next time I see her. But it is not likely you’ll see her again if you pull that little stunt. Texting is impersonal. If you can’t propose in person, you are not ready for marriage.

Source

4. Arguments

Your girlfriend may want to argue with you as much as you do her in text form, but it’s a minefield fraught with danger. Why?

First, because when you are not together face to face you can’t hear the tone of voice, see the facial expression, or see their body language; thus it is easy for you both to misunderstand each other.

Secondly, it’s easier to say unkind things that you wouldn’t say in person. Your inhibitions are freer; Hiding behind your phone screen and issuing harsh words is cowardly.

Thirdly, text arguing involves a lot of time. You may take short cuts in the exchange because you tire out and won’t be thorough in your thoughts.

5. Breaking Up

Texting a break up is the best example of cowardice I can think of. When you want to break up your relationship (this applies to her too), it’s tempting to be calloused and not care how it affects her if there has been bitter discord between you. But this is about being a mature adult. Doing the hard things in life shows strength and character. Lowering the boom on someone with no personal interaction is going to make it easier for you but harder for her. If the relationship has been full of toxicity on one or both sides and will trigger a lot of hurtful drama, a text may be the answer after all but write it at a time when you are calm and can carefully construct it.

Source

The interesting thing about text is that, as a medium, it separates you from the person you are speaking with, so you can act differently from how you would in person or even on the phone.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

6. Giving Bad News

Perhaps you hear that her best friend was in an accident and died. Should you text her the news? Heavens no! Bad news to the one you love requires you to be there to comfort them with your warm embrace and words of solace. Give her the news in person. Here are some examples of bad news not to give on a text:

  • Death of a loved one
  • A serious health diagnosis
  • Loss of your job
  • A serious accident
  • A crime committed by someone you both know or being a victim
  • Anything that would be a gross disappointment or tragedy

You can surely think of more.

Don't text bad news.
Don’t text bad news. | Source

7. Apologies

Gutless! Text apologies are once again, impersonal. It says you are not courageous or respectful enough to face her in humility. It may feel safer and easier for you, but it may cause her to doubt your sincerity. Not only that, but it robs you both of a chance to have a real heart to heart, to talk things out and clear up any misunderstandings. You can’t kiss or hug and make up through an electronic device.

8. Sexting

I don’t know many people do this. In fact, none that I’m aware of, but few people share that kind of information. Aside from the immorality of it, and not honoring your and your lady’s body, you also run the risk of it getting into the wrong hands and a big, humiliating mess for both of you. People drop or forget their phones in public places; in someone else’s home; in a place where children or teenagers can get to it.

This would include nude photos. Requesting her to send such photos is degrading her and if it gets into the wrong hands there could be dire consequences. It’s the same if you send her photos of yourself. Respect and honor her and your relationship.

9. Texting and Online Activity While You Are With Her

It is downright rude and boorish to text while with someone. It’s likely the one you love is doing the same thing because that is 21st-century life (that doesn’t make it right or healthy). How can you enjoy one another’s company if your texting others, scrolling social media, or checking the football scores? How can you get to know each other better if you’re on your phone? How do you sustain a relationship if you talk very little? How can you express your interest and love for one another while ignoring each other?

Make changes and encourage your love to put away her phone so you can enjoy each other. Today, many romantic relationships consist of texting and sex. This is shallow, dishonorable, and robbing you both of the delights of a true love relationship.

Don't text when you're together.
Don’t text when you’re together. | Source

10. Gloating About How Much Fun You’re Having Without Her

It’s not wrong for either of you to be with friends while the other is not there. In fact, it’s healthy. If you like to go to the gym with a friend to work out, or she likes to go shopping with her friend, there is nothing wrong with that. But there are times when your time with friends can make her feel left out and that you enjoy the company of others more than her. Gloating through texts about the fun you’re having without her, especially multiple times in a time frame (including photos) is hurtful. Here are some scenarios that would apply:

  1. Going to parties and family events without her.
  2. The habit of spending and demanding more time with the guys.
  3. Telling her outright you prefer the company of others more than her.
  4. Trying to make her jealous by talking about the other women (or taking photos) in your company.
  5. Accusing her of trying to spoil your fun.

Attitude and intentions are the defining factors. Are you deliberately cutting her out because you find your friends’ company more fun? Are you mad at her and want to get back at her? Do you demand your right to go wherever you want with whomever you want, whenever you want and indicate she is unwelcome? Do you enjoy texting her these things? If so, you will lose her eventually and rightly so.

Source

11. Jealous Accusations

Unjustified jealous texts can be made by both men and women, but this article is for men. If your girlfriend or wife is out shopping or having lunch with girlfriends, working extra hours, don’t spoil her day by texting her your suspicions she is cheating or flirting; it will damage your relationship. If she’s never given you a concrete reason to believe she’s been unfaithful then it is your insecurity you need to address.

12. Cancelling Last Minute

Emergencies and urgent matters crop up from time to time and we have to cancel something at the last minute. Happens to everyone from time to time. Calling to cancel is best but texting suffices.

The wimp-out is when you’ve canceled in a text after she’s been waiting and ready to go and do it flippantly with no real reason, or you tell her you decided to do something else instead. Boo! Not nice.

Two Set of Keys

You may have caught onto the keywords reflecting the attitude and the heart of the person who sends the kind of texts listed above.

  • Insensitive
  • Cowardly
  • Impersonal
  • Shallow
  • Lazy
  • Hollow
  • Rude
  • Boorish
  • Inconsiderate
  • Hiding
  • Hurt feelings
  • Degrading
  • Dire consequences
  • Risk
  • Humiliation
  • Danger
  • Immoral
  • Robbing
  • Dishonorable
  • Jealousy
  • Demanding
  • Criticism
  • Wimp-out

It’s never too late to learn and apply better communication skills. Here is a list of things guys should incorporate into their texts:

  • Honor
  • Love
  • Respect
  • Affirmation
  • Value
  • Humility
  • Delight
  • Personal
  • Tenderness
  • Touch
  • Personal
  • Comfort
  • Voice
  • Body language
  • Embrace
  • Face to face
  • Being a Man

Hopefully, the message here is loud and clear. Shun the negatives and embrace the positives and you will only gain more blessings in your relationship and develop integrity and a kind and sensitive heart.

What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger.

— Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously, I’m Kidding

One helpful tool is to put yourself in her place. Ask yourself how you would feel if she did the same things. I know some men would take no offense at a text “Happy Anniversary,” or hearing the first “I love you,” but would be hurt by some of the other things on the list. True love wants and gives the very best.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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The Space Between Us – Part 1

Philadelphia, late 1960’s.

Ever since I was a little boy, I loved the space program and all things having to do with the universe. I always liked science and nature.

On Sundays my dad would take my sister Janice and I to a book store where he picked up his copy of the New York Times. We lived in a neighborhood called Lawndale and the store was over in Cheltenham. It was a 15 or 20 minute ride from the house.

I remember one time we went there and there were a half dozen flatbed trailers in the parking lot. On each trailer were these giant dinosaur models. But, get this… you could put coins in  a machine on the thing and it would make you a miniature model of the dinosaur you were standing at the foot of. It was incredible. Of course my dad got us one of each.

(They were made out of wax and plastic. It was almost surreal to me at the time. If I can find any info on this, I’ll write about it in a future post.)

Creepy Classics

1960s Tyrannosaurus Rex Wax Mold-A-Rama Injection Mold Dinosaur Small Variation | Tyrannosaurus rex, Tyrannosaurus, Dinosaur

1960s Tyrannosaurus Rex Wax Mold-A-Rama Injection Mold Dinosaur Small Variation

I will have to say this here being a student of science. Notice how back then people thought T-Rex walked upright like a guy in a Godzilla suit dragging his tail behind him? When it’s painfully obvious if you look at the bone structure of the T-Rex he’s built more like a bird. The genuine article leaned forward and his tail stuck out for balance.

More like this rendering:

Growing Up Tyrannosaurus Rex: Researchers Learn More About Teen-Age T.Rex

Since this story is about science I felt it needed to be said!

My dad read the NY Times every Sunday for as long as I can remember. We had the Evening Bulletin delivered to our house every day by the local paperboy, but he would buy the Times for himself every weekend. It was a behemoth of a publication. Easily 100 pages. This is when print was king and the Times was probably the greatest paper in the country. (Maybe the world!)

I once asked my father why he read that paper and he told me that he felt that the Times told the unbiased truth when it came to the news. It was a high brow intelligently written paper that brought you news from around the world. He felt that it gave him everything he needed to know each week.

He’d be chatting with the staff and browsing for books, and Janice and I would wander around the store looking at all kinds of different books. I loved walking up and down the aisles looking at all sorts of different books!

My dad would sometimes say no to getting us a toy. But he never said no to getting us a book.

I loved looking at all of books and comics. Normally, my sister and I would come home with something on those trips.

We always had lots of books growing up. My father was an avid reader and always had a book going. He was a self educated man. He read about everything. He would pick a subject and read all he could about it. I always thought that my dad was a really smart guy, but he would always dismiss it by saying that he was just older. But I knew he got smart from reading so many books. He wanted to better understand the world and its historical events to better navigate his own life. He used to say that the three greatest things in his life were my mom, us kids, and his books.

He passed in 2016, but I wonder what his reaction would have been to discover his son had become a published author?

He used to say that books and knowledge gave him the tools he needed to better navigate the world and the people and events in it. That habit trickled down into us kids, and we all learned so much from him. Don’t get me wrong, my mom liked to read too, but she was more into Agatha Christie and works of fiction. My dad liked non-fiction. Mostly history, biographies, and science. He did love science fiction and read all the great works by Clark, Asimov, and Heinlein. He enjoyed authors who took a more scientific approach to their writing rather than the fantasy stuff of say… Ray Bradbury. He always liked stories about stuff that could maybe happen in the future. That’s why he always liked Batman better than Superman. Superman was an alien from another planet with incredible powers. Batman was just a regular guy. Batman was cool, because Batman could be a real guy! You could never be Superman, but if you had the money and skills, you could maybe be Batman!

I remember he got me a huge poster and I hung it on the wall of my bedroom. It was of our solar system and I would always look at it think about our galaxy. Here’s a guy who took me to see 2001: A Space Odyssey. We loved space and all things science fiction. I used to stand on my bed at night and just stare at that poster. I always thought it would be amazing to travel to the stars. But I was afraid of heights, so that was off the table.

We had stacks of books about science and nature. I remember my sister and I would get these little paperback digest sized books about animals. I especially loved those books. Each one had a different subject. Fish, Reptiles, Amphibians, Insects, and Spiders and their kin. I asked dad what the word kin meant, and he told me that they were all in the same family. Just like us. Reading all of these kinds of books as a kid were not only fun and informative, but they made you smarter, and you didn’t even realize it was happening. I don’t remember many of my friends in the neighborhood having many books like that growing up.

I loved space, aliens, space travel and science fiction movies growing up. My father was a huge fan of the Apollo program as it began to take shape in the 60’s. We followed it together and would watch the launches on our black and white TV.  I remember I was in first grade for Apollo 8.

But, bigger and better things were coming.

A promise President Kennedy made to the American people just eight years before. His words ring true today now more than ever.

I’ll never forget the night of July 16th, 1969. I was in bed, and my father came and woke me up and brought me downstairs. I remember sitting on the floor in my pajamas next to his chair, and watching as the Apollo lunar module touched down on surface of the moon. The moment I saw Neil Armstrong step carefully down the ladder as the first man on the moon.

A glorious moment in human history.

I always felt bad for Alan Shephard who stayed behind in the ship orbiting the moon, while Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin walked on the moon. But they needed Alan pick them up and take them back to Earth.

But in that moment as the astronauts looked back upon that blue marble surrounded by blackness, they maybe thought…All life as we have ever known it is right there. All of the people, animals, fish, birds, insects, plants… everything was on that blue marble.

Except for them. They were out there.

As usual, I was struggling in school. It’s not that I wasn’t bright, I just didn’t like school and it’s inhabitants. My dad tried to challenge my mind at home, so he bought a bunch of books. Space, History, Science, Biology, Anatomy, and Animals.  They were this amazing series of books on nearly every subject. But it was all written in terms a kid could understand.

Here’s an example.

The How and Why Wonder Books!

How and Why Wonder Books

How and Why Wonder Books

He would assign me chapters to read at night when my regular homework was finished. I also read them in my free time and on the weekends.

Initially it felt like a punishment. To me it was a punishment. More schoolwork?

But what I later realized is, that learning was fun. The world is a fascinating place if you have the right materials and most of all, the right teacher. I would read the assigned chapters, and then my dad would give me a list of questions I had to answer on a yellow legal pad. (Yes, I was tested to see if I retained the information.) I didn’t like this forced learning, but after a while I began to feel a certain pride in learning all of these things. If for nothing else than to become a smarter person.  A boy who knew more about the world around him.

He figured if I wasn’t going to pay attention in school, then by god, he was going to fill my head with as much good information as he could jam in there. He knew I had the head for it. But I didn’t realize it at the time. But after a while it got easier, and the books became more interesting to me. I was under 10 years old, and I knew all of the stages of gestation, even though I hadn’t a clue what sex was yet.

Reading those books and being tested was simply the beginning of all of the things my father taught me. Those books and all of the other books he gave me on a regular basis made me an avid reader where I later excelled in school. I’m happy to report that I’ve never said no to my daughter in regard to a book, and she’s a brilliant reader. So my sisters and I have tried to replicate all of the good things our parents taught us, and discarded the bad. Why hold onto it? They were mistakes. Focus on the triumphs, and go forward.

Sometimes on a Saturday, my mom would take the girls into town. When you lived in the suburbs back then, you referred to center city as ‘going into town’. They would be gone half the day shopping at the big department stores. Gimbels, Lit Bros, and Strawbridges.

Saturday morning meant one thing to me as a kid.

Saturday Morning Cartoons.

When I was a little guy, (Like four or five) I was so into Saturday morning cartoons, that I knew what show was coming on at what time, and what to watch next on what channel.

I couldn’t even tell time yet. However, back then there were only a few channels. VHF: 3, 6, 10 & 12. UHF: 17, 29, & 48. That was it.

One of the cool things about a Saturday with dad instead of mom was lunch. I remember he would be sitting at his place at the dinner table in the kitchen. The sun through the windows would illuminate his paper.  If I was hungry, he would make me a dish called, ‘Junk’.

Junk consisted of Planter’s cocktail peanuts, (When they were perfectly salty and greasy) a handful of crispy pretzels, and three or four slices of American cheese (New Yorker) tossed in a little green cereal bowl. That was placed on a folding snack table in front of my TV chair, and I was good to go. Wash it down with some Hawaiian Punch and you’re all set.

You’d think that wasn’t enough for a growing boy, but I was a fussy eater, and I loved that combination. I didn’t realize that I was basically eating bar snacks for lunch. It was awesome, and I loved it. We all did!

I was finished lunch one Saturday and dad and I are discussing some of the things I was learning from the books he gave me to read. I was struggling with some of the laws of gravity, inertia, and centrifugal force.

My dad came up with the idea that he should do what he always did; lead by example. Anything worth doing was worth overdoing. So he came up with a plan.

He went into the basement, and when he returned he produced a bucket of water.

Now, I’m a little kid. There’ve been times I’ve done things, or brought things into the house that I shouldn’t have. Boys always pull stuff like that. But here we were in the living room and he’s got a big bucket of water. Every cell in my mind tells me that mom doesn’t want anything like that in the living room. Kids spill stuff all the time. A glass of juice is one thing, but a bucket of water would be a solid call for corporal punishment.

But dad’s explaining to me the laws of gravity, rotation and centrifugal force. If dad’s here we’re good. Mom’s not home so it doesn’t matter. He’s got all the power in regard to what you should, or shouldn’t do in my mom’s nice living room.

My dad proceeds to swing the big bucket of water back and forth. I’m watching with startled eyes as he begins to swing it higher and higher. Then, without warning he swings it all the way over his head like a pinwheel. I’m talking Pete Townsend windmill moves. Frankly I’m amazed that none of the water is coming out of the bucket as he swings it in a circular motion over his head. It doesn’t make sense…

Until it does.

I see it. Now, I get it.

Centrifugal force, a fictitious force, peculiar to a particle moving on a circular path, that has the same magnitude and dimensions as the force that keeps the particle on its circular path (the centripetal force) but points in the opposite direction.

Rad, man!

Later, mom and the girls came home from shopping in town, and no one was the wiser.

 

More tomorrow!

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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